“I Can’t Carry the Shame”

Summary

Summary of "The Trial of Diddy" Podcast Episode: “I Can’t Carry the Shame”

Introduction

In the gripping episode titled “I Can’t Carry the Shame” of The Trial of Diddy, hosts Kayla Brantley and Hermania Rodriguez delve deep into the highly publicized federal case against Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs. Facing multiple charges in New York, including sex trafficking and operating a criminal enterprise, Diddy's trial has captured global attention. This episode provides an exhaustive account of the courtroom proceedings, focusing on the harrowing testimony of Cassie, a key witness against Combs.

Background

Sean 'Diddy' Combs, a titan in the music industry, rose to fame in the 1990s and early 2000s by producing chart-topping hits for artists like Biggie Smalls, Mary J. Blige, and Jennifer Lopez. However, his illustrious career is now overshadowed by serious legal troubles. In this episode, the hosts outline Diddy's transformation from a beloved mogul to a defendant facing severe federal charges, painting a vivid picture of his alleged descent into criminal activities.

Cassie's Testimony

At the heart of the trial is Cassie, who has spent nearly 20 hours testifying over three days. Cassie, eight and a half months pregnant during the trial, provides a trauma-filled account of her 11-year relationship with Diddy, detailing a pattern of abuse and coercion.

Kayla Brantley narrates Cassie's initial encounters with Diddy, highlighting how their relationship evolved from a professional association to a deeply personal and ultimately abusive bond. Cassie recounts how Diddy introduced her to "freak offs"—drug-fueled sex parties involving male escorts. She describes these gatherings as coercive, where she was pressured to perform sexually for Diddy's entertainment.

One of the most poignant moments in Cassie's testimony occurs when she discusses the emotional and physical toll of these events. At [14:38], Cassie tearfully explains, “I just felt like it was all I was good for him. I just felt pretty horrible about myself. I felt disgusting.” Her vulnerability underscores the extent of the manipulation and control exerted by Diddy.

Evidence Presented

Throughout the episode, the hosts highlight various pieces of evidence presented in court. This includes a series of text messages and emails between Cassie and Diddy from 2009, which reveal a seemingly affectionate relationship overshadowed by troubling undertones. For instance, an email sent by Cassie reads:

"I want it and I want to give you the same. I just think I have to trust you beyond it and just being sexual..." ([06:31])

Such communications are juxtaposed with graphic testimonies and photographs depicting the aftermath of violent episodes, including a notorious incident at the InterContinental Hotel in LA where Cassie was assaulted ([24:35]).

The hosts also discuss media excerpts and testimonies from other witnesses, including Israel Flores, the former security guard who responded to one of Cassie's injuries but was declined her request to involve the police. The visual evidence, although protected to maintain Cassie's privacy, paints a harrowing picture of the environment Cassie was subjected to.

Diddy's Defense and Cross-Examination

Diddy's defense lawyer, Anna Estevo, undertakes a rigorous cross-examination of Cassie. Estevo attempts to portray Cassie’s allegations as misunderstandings within a consensual and complex relationship. For example, at [04:25], during the cross-examination, Cassie is asked about the real Sean behind the public persona.

Diddy himself, heard over the microphone at [04:25], states, “I did,” when asked if he loved Cassie, attempting to humanize his relationship. However, Estevo's strategy seems focused on undermining the credibility of Cassie’s claims by emphasizing the personal side of their relationship, suggesting that misunderstandings and emotional complexities were at play rather than systemic abuse.

Legal Proceedings and Settlement

A significant development discussed in the episode is Cassie’s civil lawsuit against Diddy and his company, filed in 2023. Seeking $20 million in damages for the prolonged abuse, Cassie was startled when Diddy agreed to settle just 24 hours after the lawsuit was filed. This swift settlement raises questions about the underlying influences and pressures within the music industry's higher echelons.

Conclusion

As the episode culminates, the hosts reflect on the profound impact of Cassie's testimony and the broader implications for Diddy's legacy and the entertainment industry. Cassie's courage in coming forward and enduring relentless scrutiny highlights the complex interplay of power, fame, and personal trauma.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Cassie on Her Emotional State:
  "I just felt like it was all I was good for him. I just felt pretty horrible about myself. I felt disgusting." ([14:38])

• Cassie on Considering Self-Harm:
  “...I just tried to walk out the front door into traffic, and my husband would not let me.” ([35:31])

• Cassie on the Impact of Abuse:
  “I consider walking into traffic because of recurring flashbacks from the hundreds of sex parties I was forced to partake in.” ([02:25])

• Diddy’s Admission of Abuse:
  “If I wasn't smiling at him the way he wanted, if I just looked a certain way that he didn't, like maybe I was a brat or something, like he would let me know I need to fix my face or watch my mouth.” ([12:39])

• Cassie on the Sexual Coercion:
  “I didn't want to be involved, but I felt like I had no choice.” ([14:50])

Final Thoughts

“The Trial of Diddy” offers a meticulous and emotionally charged exploration of one of the most sensational trials of the decade. Through detailed recounting of court proceedings, personal testimonies, and incisive analysis, the episode serves as a comprehensive resource for understanding the complexities of the case against Sean 'Diddy' Combs. For listeners seeking an in-depth look into the allegations, courtroom dynamics, and personal stories entwined in this high-profile trial, this episode stands out as a compelling narrative of power, abuse, and the quest for justice.

Transcript

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Seriously popular. The following episode explores a number of.

[Kayla Brantley]

Allegations regarding the artist Diddy. He denies all charges and has pled not guilty to sex trafficking, racketeering and.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Transportation to engage in prostitution.

[Kayla Brantley]

Welcome to the trial of Diddy. I'm Kayla Brantley.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

And I'm Hermania Rodriguez Poleo.

[Kayla Brantley]

We'll be back in a second.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

In this world, stop with Mint.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Kayla Brantley]

Of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available taxes and see full [e-mail] the biggest secret.

[Emily Johnson]

In the entertainment industry, that really wasn't a secret at all.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

At the height of his career, Sean Diddy Combs had it all.

[Kayla Brantley]

Everything Diddy touched turned to gold.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Now he faces multiple federal charges in New York, including sex trafficking and allegedly running a criminal enterprise.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Another woman has now come forward alleging Combs of sexual assault.

[Kayla Brantley]

Music mogul and rapper Sean Diddy Combs.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

She claims she was drugged and sexually assaulted by Combs. Oh, this guy is dangerous.

[Kayla Brantley]

From freak offs to the mysterious list, the shocking case that has gripped the world is finally here. And we'll be bringing you every detail as it happens.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Welcome to the trial of Diddy.

[Kayla Brantley]

Welcome to the podcast. Right now, it's Thursday, May 15th, when we're recording this. It's 1:07pm in New York today. Cassie is back on the stand for the third day in a row and she's approaching nearly 20 hours of testimony. And so far, we've heard what can only be described as gut wrenching testimony. But today, she's under cross examination and it has finally begun. We'll be bringing you her words shortly, exactly as we heard them in court.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

That's right, Kayla. Today we're going to discuss how Diddy allegedly raped Cassie after they split in 2018.

[Kayla Brantley]

Yeah, you'll hear how she broke down and revealed that she considered, quote, walking into traffic because of recurring flashbacks from the hundreds of sex parties she says she was forced to partake in.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

She said she was desperate for Diddy to read her book so he could understand the impact of what he had done to her.

[Kayla Brantley]

And we'll hear how she settled her lawsuit for $20 million. Just 24 hours after she filed it back in 2023.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Welcome to the trial of Diddy. I can't carry the shame.

[Kayla Brantley]

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[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

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[Kayla Brantley]

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[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

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[Kayla Brantley]

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[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

By visiting lifelock.com podcast terms apply. So, Kayla, it's been a few really busy days here in New York. And today, as we promised at the top of the podcast, we're going to bring you everything we have heard over the last few days.

[Kayla Brantley]

Yeah. But first, just in the last few hours, cross examination began on Cassie by Diddy's defense lawyer, Anna Estevo. Cassie is eight and a half months pregnant. She could give birth any day now. And she's been giving evidence in this case approaching 20 hours. And she showed up to court today wearing an oversized tuxedo jacket and black pants with her hair slicked back in a ponytail. Now, Diddy, he was wearing a yellow sweater and he was heard over the microphone telling his defense lawyer, Estevo that he was, quote, proud of her just before she began her cross examination.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Yeah, she started by asking Cassie about the real Sean.

[Kayla Brantley]

You and Sean Combs were in love.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

For 11 years, right? Yeah.

[Kayla Brantley]

You loved him?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I did.

[Kayla Brantley]

You believed he loved you?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Yes.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Estevo continued a line of questioning that emphasized that Cassie knew the real Shawn, a version she claimed he won't let the rest of the world see. Mrs. Estevo asked Cassie if she took care of him and if she believed that he needed someone to take care.

[Kayla Brantley]

Of him during those 11 years.

[Emily Johnson]

You took care of him?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

In the ways I could, yes.

[Kayla Brantley]

You believed he needed someone to take care of him?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I don't know. In some ways, yes.

[Kayla Brantley]

She continued asking Cassie about her relationship with Diddy.

[Emily Johnson]

What about him made you fall in love with him?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I haven't thought about that in a while. The beginning of the relationship was really fast and fast paced, scary. But the more time I spent with him and got to know him, his real personality, or what I thought was his real personality came out and I liked who that was.

[Kayla Brantley]

We've also just been shown a series of text messages between Diddy and Cassie, which were sent on August 5, 2009. Diddy, I miss you already.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Me too.

[Kayla Brantley]

Diddy, when do you want to freak off? Laugh out loud.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Lol. I'm just going up to change. I'm always ready to freak off. Lol. Lol.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Much of the evidence we've heard so far today has been messages and we're talking texts and emails which have been exchanged between Diddy and Cassie. Some of them are pretty graphic as a lot of this case has been so far. We'll bring you more of those on Tuesday. But one email the court heard about was sent in December 2009.

[Kayla Brantley]

So this was what the defense say was just a flavor of what the messages say. And what the defense claim these messages show is not what was happening to during the freak offs, but rather what Cassie was anticipating or wanting to happen. This was an email sent by Cassie to Diddy, which Estevo made Cassie read out loud to the court.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I want it and I want to give you the same. I just think I have to trust you beyond it and just being sexual. Do you know what I mean? In order for me to be more open with the things we do in bed, I need to feel safe, like home, like this is my husband. This is the only man that will ever have this aggressive sexual side of me. The last time was a mistake, but since had made me feel a little dirty and grimy, that's the only reason I go back and forth in my mind with wanting and not wanting to do. When we used to freak off when we were so in love, there were no questions asked. It felt right, like it literally made sense for the next step in our sex life. I get nervous that I'm just becoming the girlfriend you get your fantasies off with and that's it. I don't get the other part anymore. At least.

[Kayla Brantley]

She asked Cassie if it's quote, fair to say that Diddy's career was ruined after she sued him in November of 2023. And of course when that happened, it made the whole concept of freak offs public for the first time. Estevo also repeated Cassie's claim that she was afraid Diddy would release tapes of Cassie said that this was part of why she felt she couldn't say no to the star.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

So that's what was going on as we started recording today. Cassie's still being cross examined right now. But to wind it back a bit, on Tuesday, Kayla and I brought you the beginning of her testimony. Over their 11 years together, she alleges he forced her to take part in hundreds of drug fueled sex parties with male escorts in hotels and homes all over the US and the world. She says he beat her up when she did not do what? He asked. And eventually she split with him in 2018 because of his cheating with other women. We're going to take you through what she told the jury and a timeline of their relationship, which we've heard was volatile, marked by infidelity, and at times, very, very toxic.

[Kayla Brantley]

Yeah. Hermania, we know that Cassie was just 19 when she signed a 10 album deal with Diddy's record label, Bad Boy Records. And that was in January of 2006. She said at first their relationship was platonic. But around 18, 18 months later, in August of 2007, Diddy kissed her for the first time. She said that was during a trip to the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas, where she'd gone on to celebrate her 21st birthday. She said Diddy threw her a party and then she name dropped Britney Spears and said that Britney was there. Emily Johnson, who's the lead prosecutor on the case, asked her about this. And their words have been voiced by actors.

[Emily Johnson]

And what, if anything, happened between you and Sean while you were in Las Vegas for your 21st birthday?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

A lot of different things happened, but he kissed me in the bathroom of his or in the bathroom of this actual suite pretty early in the morning. We had been up, all of us, pretty late.

[Emily Johnson]

What was your reaction to Shawn kissing you in the bathroom?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I think it was just really confusing at the time. Again, young new artists, like, just didn't really know the lay of the land when it came to things like that. So in my confusion, just kind of cried and ran out.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

She said that after that first kiss, Diddy began asking her to hang out with him in hotels in New York. She said initially they would talk about music and where her career was going. She said they became more comfortable with each other. Then things started to become sexual. The jury was shown a picture of Cassie and Diddy on a boat in Miami. She said that was where they had sex for the first time after getting high on ecstasy. From then on, she said she became one of his girlfriends. Officially at this time, he was with Kim Porter, the mother of three of his children. And his other girlfriends were kept out of the public eye.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I wanted to be around Sean for the same reasons as like everyone else at the time. It's just this exciting, entertaining, fun guy. Just wanted to spend time. It felt special because not a lot of people got that kind of time with him. After Miami, we really just, I mean, at least from my own side of things, I really fell in love with him. I traveled with him everywhere. I was in studio. I was just like A little shadow for a little while.

[Emily Johnson]

You were a shadow to whom?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

To Sean.

[Emily Johnson]

How did Shawn treat you at this time?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

We had fun. It was just kind of like a. It's my first adult, real adult relationship, at least what I thought it was. And it was different. So different than anything as you can imagine. His lifestyle was much different than mine. He had assistance at his beck and call. He could get anything done quickly. He had respect from everyone.

[Kayla Brantley]

But she said there came a time when the relationship changed, and she said it became controlling and at times he was physically violent toward her. Here's Ms. Johnson again.

[Emily Johnson]

Were there times when you had arguments with Shawn?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Yes.

[Emily Johnson]

Without getting into the subject matter of those arguments, can you describe what arguments with Shawn were like?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

If they were violent arguments, it would usually result in some sort of physical abuse and dragging. Just different things of that nature.

[Emily Johnson]

When you say physical abuse, can you tell me what types of things that Shawn did that hurt you physically?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I mean, he would mash me in my head, knock me over, drag me, kick me, stomp me in my head if I was down.

[Emily Johnson]

How frequently was Shawn physical with you during your relationship?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Too frequently.

[Emily Johnson]

Were you ever injured as a result of these incidents?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Yes.

[Emily Johnson]

What kind of injuries did you have as a result of Shawn being physical with you?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Usually pretty similar. I would get knots in my forehead, busted lips, swollen lips, black eyes. The whites of my eyes would be red. Bruises all over my body, just depending.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

So Kayla, she said she only had to look at him with the wrong face and he would become physically abusive. And she said this happened within the first year of them dating. In the end, it became pretty common for him to punch, kick, drag, and mush her.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

If I wasn't smiling at him the way he wanted, if I just looked a certain way that he didn't, like maybe I was a brat or something, like he would let me know I need to fix my face or watch my mouth. That was like. Those were things that were said in the relationship quite often. Fix your face, watch your mouth, or you got a slick mouth.

[Kayla Brantley]

Cassie broke down in tears as she told the court. How did he introduced her to freak offs when she was just 22 years old? She said she was nervous and confused when he asked her to take part. But she said she was in love with him and she was young. And remember he was 39 at the time when all this was happening.

[Emily Johnson]

Can you describe for the jury when you say the term freak off, what that entails?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Basically entails the hiring of escorts and setting up this experience that I could Perform for Sean.

[Emily Johnson]

And what did the performance involve?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

At a high level, the performance involved. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It just involved watching Sean being able to watch me with the other person and actually direct, like direct us on what we were doing sexually.

[Emily Johnson]

Who was in charge of all the aspects of the freak offs you mentioned the hiring, the setup, etc.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Eventually it became a job for me pretty much to where I knew if that is something that he wanted to do. I had the context to set it up and get a hotel room and all of that. But in the beginning, Sean set it up. He was in charge.

[Emily Johnson]

Why did you agree to try a freak off?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

That's a great question. I wanted to make him happy. I was in a really significantly mature relationship that I don't think I was prepared for now when I look back at it. But yeah, I loved him. I didn't want him to think that I thought anything bad of him for it. I just wanted to make him happy.

[Kayla Brantley]

She said the freak offs became a weekly occurrence and she was given ecstasy and later cocaine to help her stay awake and perform for Diddy for days on end. But pretty quickly she says she realized she didn't want to be involved.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I just felt like it was all I was good for him. I just felt pretty horrible about myself. I felt disgusting. I was humiliated. I didn't have those words to like put together at the time, like how horrible I really felt. And I didn't. I couldn't talk to anybody about it. So.

[Kayla Brantley]

The jury was shown several stills from videos of Cassie and various escorts at Freakoffs. And we should say here that the public and media in the court were unable to see these intimate photographs to protect her.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

She said the sex parties took place at both their homes in New York and Miami and in hotels all over the world, including in Ibiza and Turks and Caicos. She said they used fake names to make their reservations. She called herself Jackie Star or Veronica Bang or Anita Crawford. And Diddy went by Frank Black or Frank White. She said his staff also booked the hotels for them and bought the baby oil, lubricants and condoms for the sex sessions.

[Kayla Brantley]

She said expensive scented candles would be used in the hotel rooms and as many as 10 large bottles of baby oil were poured all over her and the escort during each freak off because Diddy them to appear, quote, glistening. She also recounted one occasion at the l' Hermitage hotel in Beverly Hills where a blow up pool full of baby oil was set up for them to get into later. She said Diddy asked his Assistants to bring studio lighting, lighting which changed colors and time to the music to the freak Offs. She also said that the rooms would be left in a mess with baby oil all over the walls and all over the furniture. And sometimes hotels demanded they pay compensation because they need to be cleaned up or redecorated.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

The jury was shown lots of text messages between Cassie and Diddy discussing potential escorts for these sex parties. And she said eventually it became her job. She said she contacted them via Craigslist, Backpage or various agencies, including one called Cowboys for Angels and another called Latin Men. She was shown pictures of 19 different male escorts. She said some of them were used regularly by the couple. Others she only knew by their first name. She said they were flown all over the world and paid by Diddy to have sex with her. She said she was always high when she took part in these freak offs and that Diddy mainly got the drugs they used from a dealer he knew called One Stop. Here's Ms. Johnson.

[Emily Johnson]

You talked earlier about using ecstasy at the first freak off. What other drugs, if any, did you use at freak offs?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Marijuana, ketamine, ghb, sometimes mushrooms, Just whatever the drug of choice at that point.

[Emily Johnson]

Who provided the drugs for freak offs? Sean, when you decided to take more drugs during the freak off, when the high was wearing off, why did you take more drugs?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

For me, just to remain high and not, like, be present with the experience.

[Emily Johnson]

Why did you not want to be present with the experience?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Because it was something I hated doing.

[Kayla Brantley]

Cassie said she became addicted to opiates, which she used to come down off of the party drugs. She said she relied on them because they made her feel numb and she wanted to, quote, escape what was going on in her life. She also said she took anti anxiety pills such as Valium and Xanax to calm her down. But she insisted she hasn't used any illegal drugs since she went into rehab and got clean in 2022.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

That's right, Kayla. She also described in graphic detail the various different sex moves that took place at these freak offs, which she said could involve three or four different. She said Diddy would either be taking part or masturbating in the corner and talking to her, asking her how the sex was making her feel.

[Kayla Brantley]

Yeah. Cassie went on to say that the freak offs had a damaging impact on her body and she would get mouth sores and regular painful urinary tract infections. And honestly, it's not surprising that at one point she told the jury that she felt awkward discussing such intimate details in front of a Packed courtroom.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I just felt so tired and achy and really dehydrated. And because you're up for so long, not really eating too much, I just. I just tried to drink as much water as I could. But staying up that long and taking that many drugs for that long, it's kind of. It is what it is.

[Emily Johnson]

How did you feel emotionally after Freak Offs?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Oh, emotionally after Freak Offs were just like empty. Especially if we didn't continue our schedules like Sean and I together. If I didn't stay with him or whatever, it just felt like, okay, I did my job and now I'm going about the rest of my life. Yeah, they're really empty. I definitely just felt gross. Same feelings over and over.

[Kayla Brantley]

Cassie also said that Diddy's desire to control her coupled with the Freak Offs stifled her career. She said he wanted her to be in the studio making music. And she did make hundreds of songs, but most were never even even released. And in fact she said she only released one album despite having a ten album deal.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Yeah. Cassie said she came to realize it was Diddy's way of knowing where she was every minute of the day. She said he told her not to do modeling or Runway jobs she was offered and if she failed to answer his calls, he would send his security guards to her home to check up on where she was.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

When I wasn't working on my music, I was recovering from partying. That took a big chunk out of my life. The freak offs became a job where there was no space to do anything else but to recover and just try to be normal again.

[Emily Johnson]

When you say partying, what do you mean by partying?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Staying up for days on end, taking drugs and other different substances. Drinking, Having sex with a stranger over days.

[Emily Johnson]

Does partying include what you described earlier as freak offs?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Yeah.

[Emily Johnson]

How much time out of your week did Freak Offs take?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

It would depend on how long they were. They ranged anywhere from 36, 48 to 72 hours. It felt like the longest one ever was four days. Maybe even more like odded off with breaks. So it was a significant part of the week.

[Emily Johnson]

And you also testified just a moment ago about recovering. What if anything were you recovering from after a freak off?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Recovery from the drugs, dehydration, the just staying awake all the time.

[Kayla Brantley]

Cassie said Diddy made daily comments about her appearance. He liked her to have white or French tipped nails and to wear high heels. He talked about her having breast implants and made demands on how she should.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Look after a while. That wears down on you. My self worth took A hit for the entirety of the relationship. Like, just trying to establish who I was and who I wanted to be and who I was allowed to be.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

So, as we outlined on Tuesday, she said she feared he would hurt her or put the videos of the freak offs online if she refused to comply. She said several times he threatened to release the videos when he was upset about something she'd done. She said one time he did this when she was seeing another guy to try and hurt her. Another time he played the videos on his laptop while they were flying on a commercial flight from France to New York because they had just had an argument.

[Emily Johnson]

When he brought up the videos, what, if anything, do you remember him saying about the videos?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

That he was gonna release them and embarrass me? Yeah. Put my career in jeopardy.

[Emily Johnson]

Were you afraid that the videos would be released?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Absolutely, yeah.

[Emily Johnson]

What were your concerns?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

That he would be mad enough to put them out and then I would have to answer to my mother.

[Emily Johnson]

Like, besides your mother, what, if any, other concerns did you have about the freakoff videos being released publicly?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I just feared for my career. I feared for my. My family. Just embarrassing, all of it. Just. It's horrible and disgusting. Like, no one should ever do that to anyone.

[Emily Johnson]

What, if anything, did Sean say to you about the impact of releasing the freak off videos?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

That it could ruin everything that I worked for. Just make me look like a slut. I would be shamed, like, and I wasn't supposed to be on those videos. I didn't want to be in them.

[Kayla Brantley]

Cassie also said she and Diddy visited sex clubs together in New York and one in Las Vegas called the Green Door.

[Emily Johnson]

What was your reaction to visiting these sex clubs?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

It was just confusing. By that point, I was pretty messed up. I remember there being a time where I got just way too drunk to do anything and we had to leave. It's just uncomfortable when it's not something you're into. I'm not into seeing the person I in love with be with somebody else. That's not my thing.

[Emily Johnson]

What, if anything, did you tell Shawn about whether you wanted to go to sex clubs?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I was vocal about it. I told him it made me uncomfortable. He knew. He knew how I behaved.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

She explained that several times she tried to leave a freak off and would end up in alleyways behind the hotel they were at or in the hotel kitchen. But Diddy would always end up finding her and taking her back. She said she was trying to escape a freak off when Diddy attacked her. In the now infamous footage taken at the InterContinental Hotel in LA in March of 2016 when he assaulted her in the hallway. She said it happened because Diddy hit her and gave her a black eye during the sex session. She said she was upset because she was due to attend the premiere of her film the Perfect Match a couple of days later and she did not want to look beaten up for the event. She said that when he was in the shower, she grabbed her belongings and ran out, but he realized what was going on and followed her to the elevator, pulled her to the ground and tried to drag her back into the room.

[Kayla Brantley]

And on Monday, on the first day of trial, we heard from Israel Flores, who was the former security guard at that hotel who called to help. He told the court he asked Cassie if she wanted to call the police, but she declined and instead went home to her apartment. The jury were shown photos she took of herself in an Uber on the way home. She agreed. The photo showed her with a fat lip and that she was wearing sunglasses to hide her black eye. They were also shown text exchanges between Cassie and Diddy soon afterwards. The texts begin with Diddy and have been voiced by actors.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Call me. The cops are here. You're going to abandon me all alone? Call me, please. I have a premiere Monday for the biggest thing I've ever done in my life. I have a black eye and a fat lip. It was time for me to go. You are sick for thinking that it's okay to do what you've done. Please stay away from me. Call me. Help. I'm about to be arrested. Thanks. If you don't pick up, you'll never hear my voice again.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Damn.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I would never ignore your calls. Call now. Please. Please. I'm getting arrested, plugging my phone in and going to bed. You should do the same.

[Kayla Brantley]

She said when she got home, her best friend, Carey Morgan, was there. Her friend Kerry was so upset when she saw the state of Cassie's face that she's the one who called the police. But when the officers arrived, Cassie said she decided she didn't want to report Diddy. She said she wanted to protect him. And Cassie told the jury that it wasn't the first time Diddy put his hands on her and hit and kicked her during a freakoff. She said his bodyguards and assistants would also witness the physical assaults. She said one actually quit after witnessing it.

[Emily Johnson]

Were you ever injured after Shawn was physically abusive with you?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Yes.

[Emily Johnson]

How often?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Anytime he was physical, there would be at least some trace, a bruise or something.

[Emily Johnson]

What, if anything, did you do to recover from these times?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Recovery was days worth. I would just kind of hide out for that period.

[Emily Johnson]

Where would you hide?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Hotel rooms.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Cassie also recalled an incident in January 2009 when they were at a party at a nightclub in LA called the Ace of Diamonds. She said she had been speaking to a music producer at the club, and when they left, Diddy called her a slut in the car. She said she was drunk and she punched him hard in the face.

[Emily Johnson]

What was Shawn's response after you hit him?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

His whole demeanor switched over. I remember his eyes went black. I was basically like underneath the backseat in the Escalade just trying to cover my face.

[Emily Johnson]

Why were you trying to cover your face?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Because Sean was stomping on it with his foot.

[Emily Johnson]

How long did Sean stomp on your face with his foot?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

The ride back to the house was short, but I mean, the whole ride was a fight until we got there. Probably like 10 minutes up the hill from the party. It was just me trying to defend myself and cover myself up. I was just being. I just. I just never experienced anything like that before where I was just getting really, really badly beaten.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

She said when they got back to Diddy's house, she ran off, but was brought back by one of his bodyguards. Ms. Johnson asked her about her injuries.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I saw my face just. Just. I just didn't look like myself at all. Just knots and bleeding, swollen everything. I just looked horrible. And then shortly after, Sean came in and he saw me. I think I was vomiting when he came in and he. He kind of came to and like, the person that he switched over to was now gone and, like, freaking out at the sight.

[Emily Johnson]

After Sean saw your face inside the home, what happened next?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Basically he said that I had to go sneak out of the house, out of the back with security and go to a hotel and just stay there. So I went to the London hotel on Sunset.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Cassie then said Diddy made her cover her face so no one saw her go into the hotel room. She said she wanted to go home to her mom, but she wasn't allowed. And she ended up being holed up in the hotel for around 10 days. She said it was not safe for her to leave.

[Emily Johnson]

Can you explain what you mean by not safe?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

It wouldn't be safe. I mean, I understood at that point it was so early, but I understood Sean's capabilities, his access to guns, like, and the threats he made prior to that. Yeah, I was privy.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

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[Kayla Brantley]

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[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

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[Kayla Brantley]

So Cassie said that a story actually appeared on the Internet about the assault, but neither Diddy or herself were named. She said her mom saw the report and asked her if she was involved and she admitted she lied to her mom because she was ashamed and quote, didn't want to put her mother in danger by knowing something El of that magnitude.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

That's right Kayla. Cassie also spoke of another time where Diddy allegedly beat her up after she went to a party at Prince's house without his permission. Then in December 2011, she said he kicked her in the back and also threatened to release the videos of the freak Offs on Christmas Day when he found out that she had been dating another rapper, Kid Cudi. She said she went to her mom's house in Connecticut for the holidays and confessed that Diddy had attacked her. Her mom took pictures of bruising on her back and thighs which were then shown to the jury. But Cassie said that she also played down the attack and told her mom that it was the first time it had happened.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I wasn't ready and I was also just terrified. Like it's not normal. Just constantly be bruised up by the person that you love or that says they love you. Like you can't justify it to anyone, just especially not your mom.

[Kayla Brantley]

Cassie went on to say that Diddy gave her a black eye during a trip to a music festival in Jamaica around 2013 or 2014 and she said he beat her up in a bathroom of a hotel in Las Vegas again in September of 2015. She said the attack only ended when his bodyguard Drock and a manager named James Cruz came in and intervened. She said they were upset and Drock started to cry when he saw her.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I had black eyes, golf ball sized knot on my forehead, busted lips.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

By January 2017, Cassie said she'd had enough. The jury was shown a text Cassie sent to Diddy around that time which.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Read, nothing good comes out of Freakoffs anymore. You treat me like you're Ike Turner.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Ms. Johnson asked her what she meant by the message.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Abusive, controlling.

[Emily Johnson]

What specifically did he do to Be abusive and controlling.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Just. He was actually physically abusive. He put me down a lot. As much as I was built up, I was. I was put down quite a bit. And that's also just like, the sheer embarrassment, like, how he treated me in front of other people.

[Kayla Brantley]

Cassie said she and Diddy eventually broke up in 2018 after she gave him an ultimatum about seeing a girl she knew he'd been having an affair with for years.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I said, if I catch you with her again, then I'm done. And that's what happened. They were seen out, and I was in Connecticut, so I was out.

[Kayla Brantley]

So. It was then that Cassie started dating her personal trainer, Alex Fine, who we now know is her husband. But in August 2018, Cassie agreed to go to dinner with Diddy in Malibu. And she said that the dinner was really nice. She said it was playful, they were laughing, and there was a romantic vibe. But then Cassie said that when he dropped her off at home, Diddy raped her. And we should let our listeners know that at this point, Cassie started weeping, got very emotional, and that this part of her evidence is very distressing.

[Emily Johnson]

When you arrived at your home at Harold Way, what happened?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I went inside, went in the living room. He came in, pretty usual, nothing weird. And then. Then he raped me in my living room.

[Emily Johnson]

Where in your living room did the rape happen?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

On the floor.

[Emily Johnson]

How did you physically react when Shawn raped you?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I just remember crying and saying no, but it was very fast.

[Emily Johnson]

So what, if anything, did you observe about Shawn's physical appearance?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Just, like, eyes, black. I. I kind of said that before. Just wasn't himself. The laughing and, like, all the things that were happening before that were not there, and it was just like somebody taking something from you, just like, without.

[Emily Johnson]

You said that you cried.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I did.

[Emily Johnson]

What did Shawn do when you cried?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

He continued. I don't even know if he noticed, honestly.

[Emily Johnson]

You also said that you said no. What did Shawn do when you said no?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

He continued and finished.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

She said he left, but she later had sex with him again, one more time, this time by choice. After a friend's birthday dinner, Ms. Johnson asked her to explain why we've been.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Together for over 10 years. Like, you don't just turn feelings off that way. We were very connected at that point still, and I still had a good vision of who he was as a person. Like, I didn't hate him.

[Kayla Brantley]

So we know that Cassie married Alex Fine in 2019, and the couple had two children together, and they're expecting their third. But a few Years later, in February 2023, she said she started having flashbacks to the alleged abuse. So she decided to go into rehab and do some trauma therapy. And it was at this point that Cassie completely broke down in tears. As she told the jury she actually considered taking her own life.

[Emily Johnson]

Was there any particular event that led to you going to rehab?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I was actually shooting a music video with another artist, and I just kept having, like, these horrible flashbacks. And after the video shoot, I went home and it was like, late, super, super late. And my kids were asleep and my husband was there. And I just remember telling him, like, you can do this without me. Like, you don't need me here anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Emily Johnson]

It's okay. There's a tissue if you meet it.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Yeah. I couldn't take the pain that I was in anymore, and so I just tried to walk out the front door into traffic, and my husband would not let me.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

She said that during this time in rehab, she wrote down her experiences in a book because she wanted Diddy to read about what he had put her through.

[Emily Johnson]

Why did you want Shawn to read the book?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

Because I didn't think he understood. I don't think after all those years of begging for, like, sorrys and just for him to actually recognize the pain, the pain that he put me through, like, I just wanted him to understand.

[Emily Johnson]

What kind of pain did Shawn put you through?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I think bigger. More than anything, it was his own personal shame in having to carry the things that were shameful to him.

[Emily Johnson]

What were those things?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

The sexual part, the freak offs. Like, I took on a lot of responsibility with that that I never should have.

[Emily Johnson]

What do you mean you took on responsibility that you never should have?

[Sean Diddy Combs]

He brought the concept to me when I was 22, and I would do absolutely anything for him, and I did. And it never stopped our whole relationship. And it was expected of me, and it made me feel horrible about myself, and I couldn't. I couldn't get it out. Like, I couldn't face him with it. I was always so numb because that is what I chose to do to get through it.

[Kayla Brantley]

Cassie said that she sent Diddy the book to read, but one of his assistants later told her it hadn't been taken seriously. And she has no idea if he ever even looked at it, she said. Later, in 2023, she filed a civil lawsuit against Diddy and his company. She said she wanted to be compensated, quote, for the time, the pain, and the many, many years of having fix her life. And now we know that he agreed to pay her $20 million to settle that lawsuit just 24 hours later.

[Hermania Rodriguez Poleo]

Yeah, that's new information, Kayla. Cassie finished her testimony by saying she believed she had hundreds of freak offs with Diddy, but she has never done that again since they broke up. She also explained why she was given evidence at his trial.

[Sean Diddy Combs]

I can't carry this anymore. I can't carry the shame, the guilt, the way we. Well, I was guided to treat people like they were disposable. It's what's right is right and what's wrong is wrong. And I'm here to do the right thing.

[Kayla Brantley]

Thank you everyone for tuning in to the trial of Diddy. Please continue to listen every Tuesday and and Friday for word for word coverage of the trial. Wherever you get your podcasts.