The Turning – River Road | S3:EP10 – "Beyond Fear"
Original Air Date: August 26, 2025
Podcast by: iHeartPodcasts and Rococo Punch
Host: Aelin Lance Lesser, with Erica Lance
Episode Overview
The final episode of Season 3, "Beyond Fear," brings Lindsay Tornambe’s harrowing journey to a pivotal close. After years of being trapped as a "Maiden" in the River Road Fellowship cult, suffering ritualistic abuse under leader Victor Bernard, Lindsay reflects on her fight to reclaim her life. This episode explores her trauma, evolving relationship with her family, the impact on her identity, and how she created her own path towards healing and freedom. It also touches on the remaining dangers—Bernard’s early parole—while illustrating Lindsay's victory over her past.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Living with Trauma and Vivid Memories
- Lindsay describes how memories from her time in the cult intrude on her daily life, often as sudden, vivid mental flashes.
"It's almost like if you open a book and you flip through the pages so fast, and it's like clips of memories in my brain..." – Lindsay (02:56)
- She recalls a formative moment at the dentist—a potential opportunity for rescue missed—highlighting memory’s power and the secrecy imposed by her mother and Victor.
"She told the lady that it represented just my service in the church..." – Lindsay (04:48)
2. Mother-Daughter Estrangement and Confronting Family History
- Lindsay and her therapist deal directly with her pain over her mother’s betrayal.
- Lindsay reads a searing letter she wrote to her mother, full of hurt and anger, accusing her mom of abandoning her and defending her abuser.
"I feel like I haven't really had a mom for the past 12 years... What kind of a mother are you?" – Lindsay (08:15)
- Even years later, Lindsay feels no regret for the letter’s harshness, emphasizing her need for honesty as part of her healing.
3. Responses from Family and Ongoing Divisions
- Lindsay shares a 2016 voicemail from her mother attempting to reconnect, but Lindsay considers it inauthentic and remains estranged.
"At the time, it just didn't feel genuine. Now it still doesn't even feel genuine..." – Lindsay (12:36)
- Many family members, including siblings, continue to defend her parents, citing “brainwashing.” Lindsay sees this as a painful excuse that avoids real accountability.
"Were you really brainwashed or is that just an excuse you say because you don't want to face the reality...?" – Lindsay (13:52)
4. Processing Grief and Choosing Family
- Upon her mother's (Peggy's) sudden hospitalization and subsequent death, Lindsay grapples with whether to attend the funeral.
- With encouragement from supportive aunts, she decides not to go, instead creating her own ritual of grief and solidarity by spending the day with her aunts.
"So instead of going themselves, her two aunts...would be with her on the day of the funeral." – Erica Lance (18:28)
- Her aunts, Frances and Bird, reflect on their heartbreak as they helplessly watched Lindsay and her siblings become lost to the cult.
"We knew from day one that it was a cult." – Aunt Bird (20:19)
5. Rebuilding Identity, Love, and Faith
- Lindsay discusses reclaiming her identity, experimenting with freedom, and what kind of mother she wants to be.
"My kids are going to be so loved, and I will support them and protect them with my life, which my real mother never did for me." – Lindsay, reading her letter (09:19)
- She recounts a disastrous first attempt at dating after the cult; her boyfriend blamed her for her abuse, triggering new trauma and fears of vulnerability.
"He said, well, you must have liked it to stay there for so long. Now when we have sex, all I'm going to think about is you and Victor." – Lindsay (27:13)
- Lindsay explains her struggle with faith. Betrayed by religious authority, she steps away from religion for years, then—encouraged by supportive, non-judgmental friends—tentatively finds comfort in a new church community.
"I went home and I opened my Bible and it was like coming home to an old friend. I remember crying and sitting there thinking, I can't believe you still love me." – Lindsay (30:35)
6. Motherhood: Creating a New Legacy
- Lindsay is determined to be the mother she never had, transparent and nurturing with her daughter, Frankie.
- She recognizes the cycle of silence and emotional neglect common in cult life and breaks it by fostering open, honest conversations.
"One thing that I can't stand is the silent treatment. And I swore I would never, ever do that with Francesca." – Lindsay (34:00)
- Moving moments detail Lindsay reading her testimony to Frankie, prompting mature, empathetic questions from her daughter and affirming their bond.
"'Mommy, were you really sad when your parents gave you away?'...She, like, gave me such a big hug. 'Mommy, I am so, so sorry that you had to go.'" – Lindsay (36:13)
- Frankie, at age 9, wishes for the superpower to go back and prevent her mother's abuse, showing profound empathy.
"I want to go back then because I would change it so that your parents never met Victor." – Frankie, recounted by Lindsay (37:19)
7. Victor Bernard’s Imprisonment and Its Ongoing Impact
- The episode details Bernard’s imprisonment, an attack suffered in prison, and alarming sentence reductions that could see him released far sooner than expected.
"His anticipated release date now is 2031, which is insane to me. It feels like that's right around the corner." – Lindsay (46:03)
- Lindsay is concerned not for her safety but for the lingering influence Victor may yet exert on former followers.
"He should then be locked away for the rest of his life." – Lindsay (46:38)
- The show stresses that Bernard’s sentence is the exception; most complicit adults faced no charges due to lapsed statutes, which frustrates Lindsay deeply.
"Oh, gosh, it makes me angry. I think it's just a shame that they weren't held accountable." – Lindsay (49:05)
8. Claiming Power and Moving Beyond Fear
- Lindsay reflects on reclaiming her sense of agency and the desire to give hope to other survivors.
"There is a life after all of these things that is just waiting for you." – Lindsay (50:19)
- Hearing Victor’s voice no longer has power over her.
"It's weird. There's no love or affection or anything. When I hear his voice, it's almost just like...no emotion away." – Lindsay (52:04)
- Lindsay describes her liberation in the language of the episode title:
"I feel so free, like I've broken free from that cage that he created in my mind...I've completely shattered those walls and broken out and it's amazing. It's so amazing...I feel so free." – Lindsay (53:23)
Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps
-
On Memories and Trauma:
“It's almost like if you open a book and you flip through the pages so fast, and it's like clips of memories in my brain.” — Lindsay (02:56) -
About Family Denial:
“Were you really brainwashed or is that just an excuse you say because you don't want to face the reality...?” — Lindsay (13:52) -
Letter to Mother:
"I thought a mother was supposed to protect her children...On the other hand, I am going to be a great mother someday...You will never, ever be a part of their life. Ever." — Lindsay (08:15–09:19) -
On Breaking the Cycle:
“One thing that I can't stand is the silent treatment. And I swore I would never, ever do that with Francesca.” — Lindsay (34:00) -
On Fear of Victor's Early Release:
"His anticipated release date now is 2031, which is insane to me. It feels like that's right around the corner." — Lindsay (46:03) -
Reclaiming Power:
"It doesn't matter how dark the day is. Just be curious about tomorrow. There is a life after all of these things that is just waiting for you." — Lindsay (50:19) -
On Final Freedom:
"I feel so free… I've completely shattered those walls and broken out and it's amazing." — Lindsay (53:23)
Important Segment Timestamps
- Lindsay’s vivid flashbacks and dentist anecdote: 02:56–06:22
- Letter to her mother: 08:15–10:55
- Mother’s voicemail and Lindsay’s reaction: 11:50–13:34
- Family divisions and discussion of “brainwashing”: 13:52–15:11
- Mother’s hospitalization and funeral decision with aunts: 16:11–18:50
- Reflections from Aunt Frances & Aunt Bird: 19:42–22:32
- End of romantic relationship & challenges of dating: 26:15–27:31
- Spiritual struggle and tentative return to church: 28:37–31:55
- Mother-daughter conversation about Lindsay’s story: 34:36–36:37
- Frankie’s empathy and “time travel” wish: 37:19–38:01
- Victor's sentence reduction and Lindsay's reaction: 45:01–46:38
- Discussion of uncharged accomplices: 47:06–49:12
- Redefining hope and freedom: 50:19–53:23
Tone & Language
The episode is deeply personal, raw, and reflective, offering both unflinching honesty and hard-won optimism. The hosts and Lindsay speak candidly, often with direct language about pain, anger, and healing. There is no attempt to soften the realities, but there is an undercurrent of hope and triumph as Lindsay claims her own voice and power.
Conclusion
"Beyond Fear" completes Lindsay's journey, not by suggesting her trauma is finished, but by affirming that freedom and reclamation are possible. Lindsay’s story stands as a call to vigilance—against abuse, for belief in survivors, and for the courage to choose a different path. The final note is one of agency: “It doesn't matter how dark the day is. Just be curious about tomorrow. There is a life after all of these things that is just waiting for you." (50:19)
This episode is essential listening for anyone seeking to understand the process of surviving, escaping, and growing beyond abuse—even in the shadow of lingering injustice.