The Swans of Harlem | Part One

Summary

Podcast Title: The Turning - Seasons 1, 2 & 3
Episode: The Swans of Harlem | Part One
Release Date: April 30, 2024
Hosts: iHeartPodcasts and Rococo Punch
Description: This episode delves into the untold stories of pioneering Black ballerinas through an insightful interview with Lydia Abarca, a former prima ballerina of the Dance Theater of Harlem. Co-authored by Karen Valby, The Swans of Harlem uncovers the resilience and artistry of five Black ballerinas who reshaped the landscape of ballet.

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Introduction

The episode begins with Erica introducing the upcoming Season Three of The Turning and highlighting the special feature on Karen Valby’s new book, The Swans of Harlem. Erica sets the stage for a mini-series of interviews focused on two dancers central to Valby’s work, commencing with Lydia Abarca.

Erica:
“I want to tell you about a new book. It's called The Swans of Harlem... their stories are surprising and vivid and poignant and totally worth your time if you enjoyed our most recent season of The Turning.”
[00:06]

Early Life and Introduction to Dance

Karen Valby initiates the conversation by tracing Lydia’s roots, revealing her upbringing in Harlem and her early exposure to dance.

Lydia Abarca:
“I grew up in Harlem on 125th Street, right off Broadway in the Grant Housing Projects with my six siblings... We had our parents, loving parents.”
[01:49]

Lydia describes a childhood filled with love and limited resources, emphasizing her mother's dedication to finding programs and opportunities for her children. Despite her father's hardworking nature, Lydia expresses regret over the lack of Spanish spoken at home, which could have enriched their cultural experience.

Discovering Ballet

Lydia’s first encounter with structured dance occurred in fourth grade during a performance of Waltz of the Flowers choreographed by a nun at her Catholic school. This pivotal moment ignited her passion for ballet, leading to an unexpected scholarship at a young age.

Lydia Abarca:
“I was in heaven... and I did my big finale, which was a split. Nobody in my family could do a split. And the next thing I know, I got a full scholarship.”
[03:48]

Despite initial enthusiasm, Lydia found the early ballet training monotonous, focusing heavily on technique rather than the expressive art form she admired.

Lydia Abarca:
“After six years, you just kind of get like, well, I'm not having fun with ballet. I don't get it.”
[05:38]

Joining the Dance Theater of Harlem

Lydia recounts her decision to join the Dance Theater of Harlem, inspired by her sister and the allure of a more inclusive ballet environment.

Lydia Abarca:
“Arthur Mitchell had Clay with me, and he was molding me, and I had to learn how to be a principal dancer. It was exciting.”
[10:31]

Arthur Mitchell’s dynamic leadership provided Lydia with a sense of camaraderie and a fresh perspective on ballet, contrasting sharply with her previous experiences.

Rise to Prima Ballerina

Under Mitchell’s mentorship, Lydia flourished, securing leading roles and becoming a symbol of Black excellence in ballet. However, the demands of the company and financial constraints overshadowed personal achievements.

Lydia Abarca:
“I have five sisters, and being around women, you're very conscious of the possibility of jealousy. So whatever I was doing, it was obviously because Arthur had me doing it.”
[12:00]

Despite her rising fame, Lydia grappled with the limited financial rewards, as most earnings were funneled back into sustaining the company.

Challenges and Transition

Lydia describes the strain of constant touring and fundraising, highlighting the emotional and financial toll it took on her and her family.

Lydia Abarca:
“It wasn't happening. And I know that any money that we got any extra money, went to the company.”
[21:27]

A turning point came when Lydia suffered a knee injury during a rigorous ballet performance, leading her to explore opportunities outside traditional ballet, including Broadway productions like The Wiz and Dancin'.

Lydia Abarca:
“I have no regrets that that's how I went out. I loved doing it.”
[35:46]

Reclaiming Her Legacy

Post-injury, Lydia transitioned to teaching, finding fulfillment in nurturing the next generation of dancers. Reflecting on her career, she expresses a desire for her contributions to be recognized and remembered.

Lydia Abarca:
“I just want history to remember that. But I do want people to remember.”
[45:32]

In interviews for Karen Valby’s book, Lydia reclaims her status as the first Black prima ballerina of the Dance Theater of Harlem, challenging narratives that overlooked her pivotal role.

Final Reflections

Lydia concludes with a sense of pride and accomplishment, acknowledging the challenges she faced while celebrating her artistic legacy.

Lydia Abarca:
“I'm humble, but I know what I did and I know how hard it was to do it.”
[45:54]

Karen Valby praises Lydia’s journey, highlighting the transformation from a celebrated ballerina to a mentor and teacher, ensuring her story resonates with future generations.

Karen Valby:
“You had an extraordinary first act in your life, Lydia, and your second act was so meaningful in your struggle to find peace and stability. But it's such a joy to witness you in your third act now and to see you in the spotlight, which is really where you've always belonged.”
[46:30]

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with Erica hinting at upcoming interviews with other ballerinas, promising continued exploration of the rich history and contributions of Black dancers in ballet.

Erica:
“If you liked this interview, you're in luck. There's another one coming up with former ballerina Sheila Rohan. Keep an eye out for that, and thanks for listening.”
[47:00]

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Notable Quotes:

• Lydia Abarca on Early Passion:
  “If I wasn't in a book, if music came on, I was just twirling around the house.”
  [03:11]

• On Financial Struggles:
  “The money never changed. I mean, the money, 150 went up to 250, you know, but I don't even know how I was able to buy nice clothes...”
  [22:51]

• Reclaiming Her Story:
  “I just want history to remember that. But I do want people to remember.”
  [45:32]

---

This episode provides a profound insight into Lydia Abarca’s life, illuminating the complexities of being a Black ballerina in a predominantly white art form. It underscores the importance of representation, resilience, and the enduring legacy of artists who pave the way for future generations.

Transcript

[Erica]

Hi, it's Erica. I'm happy to say that right now we're working on season three of the Turning. We think you'll love it. It's another look into an insular community, and we talk with people who are rarely heard from. In the meantime, we have something special for you. I want to tell you about a new book. It's called the swans of five black ballerinas. 50 years of sisterhood and their reclamation of a groundbreaking history. In the book, writer Karen Valby records the largely forgotten stories of five black ballerinas who changed the art form. Their stories are surprising and vivid and poignant and totally worth your time if you enjoyed our most recent season of the Turning. So I'm going to turn it over to Karen for two episodes in sort of a mini series for interviews with two dancers at the heart of her book, the Swans of Harlem. Today, Karen talks to former prima ballerina Lydia Abarca.

[Karen Valby]

Long before Misty Copeland became a ballet sensation, there was Lydia Abarca. Lydia was the first black prima ballerina, the first black ballerina in a company to appear on the COVID of Dance magazine and the first black woman to dance Swan Lake. She became the face of Dance Theater of Harlem alongside Arthur Mitchell, her whole life enduring a complicated relationship with dance. Despite appearing in the Wiz and in Bob Fosse's Danson on Broadway, she would be forgotten by history. Nobody deserves a third act like her. Hi, Lydia.

[Lydia Abarca]

Hi, Karen.

[Karen Valby]

Lydia, I want to begin with you telling me about where you grew up.

[Lydia Abarca]

I grew up in Harlem on 125th street, right off Broadway in the Grant Housing Projects with my six siblings, five sisters, one brother, and just had a really great childhood. We didn't want for anything. Of course, we didn't have a lot, but we had what we needed. And we had our parents, loving parents. My mom was just amazing. I mean, with so many kids, she could find programs that we could participate in. We all went to summer camp, sleepaway Christmas parties. My dad was a very hardworking Puerto Rican man, and he didn't speak Spanish at home. That's my only regret. You know, my mom knew Spanish. But once he got into the house and married and he just wanted to speak English, so we missed out on that opportunity. But he was hardworking, two jobs, strict, so he was a good preparation for Arthur Mitchell.

[Karen Valby]

Some kids just come out bound for the spotlight, and you were one of those kids that just knew you wanted to be a star from a very young age. Can you share what being a star meant to you?

[Lydia Abarca]

I grew up with Motown, the Jackson 5, the Supremes, the Temptations, Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. They were stars. That's kind of what I aspired to. But my two loves were reading and dancing. So if I wasn't in a book, if music came on, I was just twirling around the house. I just love music, and I just loved to move. That was my life.

[Karen Valby]

Can you tell us about that first time you actually performed?

[Lydia Abarca]

My first performance was in fourth grade. I went to Catholic school. The nun who was my teacher choreographed Waltz of the Flowers. I had never heard music like that. I loved it. And, I don't know, whatever the choreography was, that was my first time learning choreography. I must have been like a nut up there on stage, because I was in heaven. And after the performance, she told my mother, you need to get her formal training. My mom and I are looking at each other like, what does that mean? But Juilliard was right down the street on Broadway. They used to be 123rd and Claremont, which is walking distance. And she was able to get me an audition. The audition was this pianist in this room with chandeliers and mirrors, and he started playing, and the love of music just took over. I had no fear. And I did my big finale, which was a split. Nobody in my family could do a split. And the next thing I know, I got a full scholarship. So I went every Saturday, my first class. Yuck. I was told to go over to the wall and hold onto this wooden thing on the wall and bend my knees. Okay, when are we gonna dance? I did that for four. I did plies and releves, and I advanced pointe shoes. That was fun after the first few painful lessons. But there wasn't any dancing. It was technique, and it was not what I saw on tv. I had never seen a ballet in.

[Karen Valby]

All of that time. You'd never.

[Lydia Abarca]

No. Unless you want to count Funny Girl with Barbra Streisand. You know, she made fun of Swan Lake, the ballet. I did it because something inside of me knew that it was correct. But after six years, you just kind of get like, well, I'm not having fun with ballet. I don't get it.

[Karen Valby]

During these pivotal training years, are you looking up to any ballerinas? Are you being told you could be a ballerina?

[Lydia Abarca]

No. No. That's the disconnect. I. You know, you go on your toes. I was doing that. So am I a ballerina? You know, nobody said, okay, this is the company. Come watch a rehearsal. You know, if you went by the door and they were Doing something. Usually you were told, you know, shoot away. You know, don't. Don't stand there. So they probably assumed that I knew, that I knew what I was working towards. I did not.

[Karen Valby]

At what point, as a teenager, do you decide, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not going to spend my weekends at the bar? I have dreams outside of this studio, and the studio isn't getting me closer to them.

[Lydia Abarca]

I quit the last two years of high school, that was my junior and senior year, and just concentrated on trying to go to college. My parents were really excited about me doing that. I got a partial scholarship to Fordham University. But that summer, I was working at a bank to save up some money towards tuition. And one of my sisters was studying violin at the Harlem School of the Arts. And she says, lydia, there's this black guy there, and he's doing something with ballet. You know, I'm saying to myself, well, I never had a black ballet teacher. Maybe he's going to make this really more interesting, relatable. Help me, please. Six years of training. I needed to know, was there something that I was missing? Obviously. So when I went, it wasn't for classes. He was starting a company. He wanted to see my feet. I knew I had nice feet. I told him I had training. I had been on pointe. I had stopped dancing two years ago. And he said he'd pay me $150 if I would quit my job at the bank and come be in his company. And again, I said, okay, ballet company. I guess we're gonna do Swan Lake. I don't know. But I was so excited. He was so dynamic. So I quit the bank and. Oh, my goodness. Oh, wow. Yeah.

[Karen Valby]

Had you heard of Arthur Mitchell before?

[Lydia Abarca]

Nope.

[Karen Valby]

So you put your leotard back on. You get yourself down to this church basement where he's hosting these auditions. What was it like to walk into a room with other classically trained black dancers in it? Had you ever conceived of a world like this before?

[Lydia Abarca]

Absolutely not. And it didn't matter that it wasn't. With the chandeliers and the glass mirrors everywhere, there was just such a feeling of camaraderie. Hearing the others talk about how they had tried to get into these companies and were rejected because of their skin color. It was a total awakening for me. And just meeting other dancers who loved ballet, you know, what was I missing? What was it about the ballet that you love? But working with Arthur showed me it was a wonderful world. Arthur Mitchell took me to my first ballet performance, and that was at New York City Ballet, which I had never heard of them either. Wow. And he was so dynamic on stage. He was doing A Midsummer Night's Dream, I'll never forget, which is, you know, he's like a little. I don't want to say troublemaker. I'm not really sure the story right now, but at one point, he realized he's made a mistake, and he just kind of dropped his arms and his facade and was so streaked, and it was lovable. And I said, oh, my God, ballet doesn't have to be this crazy fairy stuff. And I got to see the rest of the company do ballets. I saw what a ballerina does, a lead ballerina. Oh, unbelievable.

[Karen Valby]

So at this point, your whole sense of what ballet can be has completely changed from those narrow studios? Saturday mornings.

[Lydia Abarca]

Yes.

[Karen Valby]

Does it start feeling, especially with the zeal Mr. Mitchell was bringing to the mission, all these years of ballet, maybe ballet is going to make me a star.

[Lydia Abarca]

It was an avenue because I really. I thought maybe dancing wasn't it, but I guess all the stars and the planets were aligned, and it just started to make sense. And I was good at it. And for him, I was a clean slate. I had no preconceived ideas of what I should be doing or how I should be acting. He had Clay with me, and he was molding me, and I had to learn how to be a principal dancer. It was exciting. It was something. I come home, talk to my sisters, and they're looking at me like, what's an arabesque? You know? And the choreography was. I can't say fun at all, but it was challenging and exciting and wow.

[Karen Valby]

At what point do you realize, wow? Mr. Mitchell, his focus is on the whole company. He is making this a united force that's going to shock the world. At what point, though, do you realize, I think I might be his star here?

[Lydia Abarca]

I'll be honest, I was so focused on doing what he said, on the technique, on the presence on stage. I know I was getting the leads in almost, you know, all the Balanchine ballets anyway. But I really felt that I deserved that, you know? And I'll be honest. I have five sisters, and being around women, you're very conscious of the possibility of jealousy. So whatever I was doing, it was obviously because Arthur had me doing it, and I was not going to go around saying that I'm the one. I spent my time and energy proving that I deserved it.

[Karen Valby]

Hmm. What was it like when Mr. Mitchell started saying, we're going to be going around town, we need to be meeting the muckety mucks for fundraising, and you're going to be my plus one. You're this girl from the Grant Houses. You're still a teenager, and suddenly he's taking you all around town. Can you tell us about some of those nights out with him?

[Lydia Abarca]

That was so fun. Gave me a chance to dress up. I love dressing up. I didn't have any money to buy, like, really expensive things, but I knew how to look pretty. And he was so proud of me. You know, this is my ballerina. And I knew it was important. Money was important. He needed that money. This was his dream. This was my dream. This was all of our dreams. And it was just wonderful for watching him talk, you know, and it didn't matter what question they asked him, he would always be able to turn the conversation around to. And, yes, we need money to do this. And I said, oh, look at that. His fundraising tactics were incredible. I mean, I was happy just watching him. I had nothing to contribute to that conversation other than, oh, yes, thank you, you know, telling me how nice I dance. Oh. Oh, thank you so much. You know, like, how am I doing, Arthur? I didn't want to mess up the fundraising.

[Karen Valby]

You once told me there was one cocktail party that sat poorly with you.

[Lydia Abarca]

Oh, yes.

[Karen Valby]

Turned you off on being Arthur Mitchell's plus one. Can you tell me about the evening?

[Lydia Abarca]

Yeah. I don't even remember whose party it was, but they put some music on and they wanted me and Arthur to dance. And I just. I'll be honest, I felt like a little organ grinder monkey. You know, let's see you dance. And that kind of dancing had nothing to do with what we were doing. We were ballet. You know, go down to the corner and watch somebody dance like that. That's not what I do. I do it at my kind of parties or, you know, but not when we're trying to raise money. So it. Yeah, it didn't sit well with me. I. I really just went through the motions. And, of course, Arthur was just, you know, Arthur and doing his thing. But that's the first time I really felt like, if you want to see us perform, buy a ticket and come to the city center and watch. Watch us do our thing. But this. I don't know, maybe I took it wrong, but I didn't like it. And I think that's probably around the time that I stopped going with him or him not inviting me. It was fine with me.

[Karen Valby]

Did you feel often at these cocktail parties and fundraising events, would you and Arthur Be the only two black people in the room.

[Lydia Abarca]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Karen Valby]

Did you ever get a sense that a request like that, that a room like that, that the burden of hustling for money like that was hard on Arthur, too?

[Lydia Abarca]

Oh, my God. I know it was. I know it was. To pull us out as if, you know, this is our special treat for everybody. Let's see them. Yeah.

[Karen Valby]

At the end of one of your evenings out, I know this story is hard for you to talk about because you tried to bury it from the moment after it happened. Arthur escorted you back into your apartment building, and in the bright lobby right outside of the elevator, he surprised you. Can you share what happened?

[Lydia Abarca]

What was that about? It was just one of those fun nights. It must have been one of the plays that I did enjoy. And he kissed me on my lips and. Whoa. But it wasn't. It wasn't passionate. I'm pretty sure I kind of backed up a little bit. Like, what? What? But to my recollection, I take it as him saying thank you. I didn't take it that I love you. None of that. I really. To me, it would have been the same as if he gave me a really good hug. I don't want to make more out of it. It's just that it confused me a little bit because we heard stories from him about how Balanchine went out with all his ballerinas, his principles, and then married them and then went on to the next thing. I had too much respect for the man. What we were doing was too important. And I was not about to even entertain the thought of that kind of relationship. He was my boss, you know?

[Karen Valby]

And you all never spoke of it again. You know, I have had conversations with people from the company who said, oh, he shot his shot. He tried, and it was rebuffed. And he sort of gracefully moved on. You say it was like a good hug. But then shortly after that evening, you do sort of tumble in to a fast relationship with another dancer. In hindsight, you wonder if you wore putting some visible distance between you and Mr. Mitchell. Can you say why you think it might have been important for you to align with somebody else?

[Lydia Abarca]

You know, I'll be honest. I didn't think of it that way at the time. But, Karen, when you started interviewing us for the book and we started talking about it, I was like, wait a minute. Maybe. Maybe there's something to that thought. That subconsciously I was making sure that everyone knew. I didn't want that. I didn't want that doubt. She's just, you know, none of that, please. Oh, my God, no.

[Karen Valby]

None of that what? Innuendo. That.

[Lydia Abarca]

Innuendo that. I was being treated specially because of favors or something like that. And I. No, no, no, no, no. I was working too hard. This was too important. He had totally convinced me we were world ambassadors and pioneers and all that. And so I guess looking back and you forcing me to look back at that during the interviews for the book, I really started thinking about how maybe others might have been looking at our relationship. And it was important to me to just let them know, I'm out here with you guys. I'm doing the same thing you are.

[Karen Valby]

Talk to me about the rocket ship that was Dance Theater of Harlem. Suddenly, in record time, you all have exploded onto the scene. When did you feel like he's done it? We are. Listen to these audiences go nuts for us. When did it start feeling like success?

[Lydia Abarca]

I think it's when we started doing our New York seasons. Because up to then we had done a lot of traveling by bus, getting up in the morning, demonstrations, like at 8 o' clock in the morning. We had just been on the bus for 10 hours or something. We were pretty much dancing for people that looked like us. And so it was kind of expected. But when we got to City center, you know, with the live orchestra and the curtain going up and then the applause afterwards, that's when it was validated for me. Yeah. Yeah.

[Karen Valby]

Are you starting to feel like I made it? I've made my dreams come true? Was life off stage becoming more glamorous? Are you rolling in money?

[Lydia Abarca]

Oh, heck, no. No. And, you know, but back then in Harlem, you could get a really nice apartment for 350amonth. You know, I had one apartment, had four bedrooms, a little kitchen, maid's room off the kitchen with its own bathroom. I mean, they just don't have that anymore. But I could never, ever afford a place by myself, ever. And so that was okay. I've got plenty of sisters that took turns roaming with me, but the money never changed. I mean, the money, 150 went up to 250, you know, but I don't even know how I was able to buy nice clothes, you know, to make sure that we were presentable. But, you know, at one point I was like, okay, when. When does this start kind of paying off so that, you know, my parents can get out of the projects or something that I could help somebody do, help my. One of my sisters or my brother go to college. It wasn't happening. And I know that any money that we got any extra money, went to the company. It was too important for the company to survive, not me, to have more money.

[Karen Valby]

That sounds hard to know that the mission of Dance Theater of Harlem is so vital and so important. How do you balance your own personal ambition and needs for yourself? Did you feel like there was room for you to hold onto your dreams?

[Lydia Abarca]

I guess at the time I wasn't real clear about what did I want. You know, I was finally dancing, I was getting reviews, I was. I was doing everything I thought I was supposed to do to be a star, but just wanted to have something to show for it. I have nothing to show for any of that. I had some pictures, newspaper articles. I wanted to reward my parents for everything they did. I wanted to at least do a down payment on the house. Come on. We lived in the projects, My dad worked two jobs, they loved us so much. And I just. That was the focus and it didn't happen, you know what I mean? So my parents went and got a house on their own. I never helped with that.

[Karen Valby]

You know what strikes me as so sad about this, Lydia, and always has, is for all intents and purposes, you were as big a star as a dancer can dream of. So it's sad to think of you looking back on this storied career with anything other than awe and pride.

[Lydia Abarca]

And I do. But again, I just don't have anything else to show for it. The memories are gone. You know, there's no tapes, there's no nothing. And hopefully it's.

[Karen Valby]

It's in the book, Lydia.

[Lydia Abarca]

Yeah.

[Karen Valby]

Your words are in the book. And what you have done, you have reclaimed your story. You just maybe don't believe it yet. You have done this, you have corrected history and now you just have to internalize that correction. You were there. Do you think your parents were so proud of your career at Dance Theatre of Harlem? Did your hard working father ever make it to see you in the ballet?

[Lydia Abarca]

Oh, my gosh. He came. He was working as a janitor at Brooklyn College and we did Combat and I Die at the end and my mom said that he had tears in his eyes and all he said was very good, mama. You know, afterwards.

[Karen Valby]

Imagine seeing your oldest daughter up on stage like that and the whole audience on their feet, how proud they must have been.

[Lydia Abarca]

Yeah.

[Karen Valby]

You do decide at a very pivotal time to take a real leap of faith and to take a break from Dance Theater of Harlem to be a part of a movie and not just any movie. Can you tell a little bit about your decision to join the Wiz.

[Lydia Abarca]

Oh, yeah. We were in Chicago, and I had done Tchaikovsky, pas de deux, a very vigorous ballet. And I sprained my ankle doing it. Didn't realize it until I went to put my pointe shoe on for the next ballet. And my foot was so swollen I couldn't get it on. So I had to be off for about three weeks. And in the meantime, I heard some of the dance saying. You know, Louis Johnson, who had set a ballet on us, was doing this movie, and Gail McKinney was going to be one of his skeleton crew. And so I got his number from her, and he said, oh, absolutely. It was every black dancer from the city, every black model, top models, Iman, everyone was gonna do this movie. This was a once in a lifetime. And so I never got the disapproval from Arthur until he started calling the 11 of us who left the dumb 11. There were so many of us that went to do the movie that he didn't have enough dancers, and he wanted us to come back. And I still wasn't ready to come back. I was. I was not feeling that pressure of being perfect and being the lead. And. And then I auditioned for all that jazz with Bob Fosse. And I'll never forget, there were like, I don't know how many hundreds of dancers on the stage. And the first thing Bob Fosse always did was a ballet combination. He eliminated so many dances just from that first piece. And he stopped the audition. He said, what is your name? I said, lydia. Lydia Abarca. He said, okay. He had even called me and wanted to know what he could do to make me want to come do the movie. And I said, no, it's just going to be a chorus job. And I really want to go to Europe. You know, I might be the next Josephine Baker when I talk now. I said, oh, my God, I was such a dense. But I made the bad decision because Bubbling Brown Sugar was going to Europe. So I did it for about four months. You know, a lot of people didn't know I did jazz. And I taught myself tap to do that show, and that was with Cab Calloway. Oh, my God.

[Karen Valby]

Were you missing ballet during this time? Were you missing the choreography? Were you missing the company? Were you missing Arthur?

[Lydia Abarca]

I needed the break. I really did. That particular employment ended very badly. I listened to a co worker who said, let's go to England and see the. The London cast of Bubbling Brown Sugar. Just calling sick. We're entitled to sick days. And I did. But when we came back, they had packed up our stuff and we were fired. We had a lawsuit case, and we got our money back because that was ridiculous. But it made me sit down and think about, you know, where. Where's my life going? You know, I have this man that was really, really. He had my back. Arthur Mitchell. And so I went back to the company, and that's when he told me they were going to be doing Swan Lake.

[Karen Valby]

And Swan Lake, for so many ballerinas, is the pivotal, the essential ballet, the creme de la creme of roles. Did it feel like that to you?

[Lydia Abarca]

No. The only version I had ever seen was Balanchine's version, the second act. And that's probably sacrilegious, that a ballerina has never. I've never seen the whole thing, Okay? I had two months to learn it. And opening night, Balanchine was there. He wanted the pace to be a little quicker. Arthur wanted some. We call it the za. You know, like, za. The energy, you know, that. The dot at the end of a sentence, you know? And so the curtains get ready to go up in the wings, and someone came up and said, good luck, Lydia. And I just. I just wanted to scream because I had no idea what the heck I was. What kind of bird was I going to be? I mean, I really didn't relate. I could not relate. And it sounds so bad, but I didn't grow up with this. I didn't. I didn't have this reverence for it. I didn't get it. So I. You know, I. I got through it. The pas der was absolutely beautiful. The audience would not stop clapping. After Ronald and I separated and went in the wings, and we just looked at each other across the stage, and we're like, what are we supposed to do? I don't think we went back out, but they finally stopped clapping and we finished the ballet. That was the first time I got, you know, kind of iffy reviews. And I understood it. I understood it. This is not. Lydia. This is not the culmination of the years and the sacrifices and the hard work that I came to do this particular ballet, that is not important to me. I had heard rumors that we were going to do Giselle next. It's so not me that I realized it was time. It was just time to go. What Arthur was doing was too important. And my little beef about the classics and the direction he was taking had nothing to do with the goal of the company. And there were dancers who did aspire to do the classics. I was just not one of them. I was 30 years old. I was making $350 a week. I was done. So I remember that morning, I got up and I was, there's a little restaurant on the corner where I'd get an egg sandwich or something. And when I came out, I said, I'm going to tell him. And I must have walked from the traffic light pole to the door of the restaurant. I don't know how many times an a fun long lived in my building that he comes up. He's a old vaudeville performer. And he said, what's the matter with you? And I said, I'm going to quit dance theater today. And he said, good for you. We need to see more of you. So that gave me the little bit of push I needed to go. Arthur's yelling at me, you're just lazy. You don't want to do this. And. And, you know, I just let him rant because I had made up my mind. And so I'm going to tell you, when I walked out that door, who the weight that came off my shoulders, he got over.

[Karen Valby]

You made me think when you said the weight that came off my shoulders. I wonder if part of the weight was not just the weight of Arthur's expectations for you, but the weight of being an ambassador, the weight of being this first black prima ballerina, as big of an honor as it was. Was that all exhausting? 2.

[Lydia Abarca]

It was exhausting, But I was proud. I was very proud of what I had accomplished, what the company had accomplished. I just wasn't willing to keep doing that. I'm trying to be careful what I say here. It was time for Lydia to go. What Arthur was doing was too important. He had this mission to prove that dancers of color, which you know is so silly, that they were capable of doing ballet. So if he felt the need to do the classics like Giselle and Swan Lake, that was his mission. I had contributed everything that I could, and it was time to go. I did not want anybody to hear me complaining. And da na na na na, no. I recognized it as my time.

[Karen Valby]

You do get this great shot at another Broadway production. Bob Fosse casts you in dancin'. You finally get a shot at the Ann Reinking role.

[Lydia Abarca]

Yeah, I was hired to do trombone solo, Benny Goodman, Sing, sing, sing. But wow, I wanted to do that trumpet solo so bad. It just spoke to my heart and my soul. And so when the role came up, I know I nailed it. He said, okay, this is your solo. And he worked with me and tailored it to me. And I have to say, I didn't know how to hold back we had been trained to give 110% every performance, and that's what I did for eight shows a week for six months. And I blew out my knee. But I have no regrets that that's how I went out. I loved doing it. Yeah. And all that ballet training came in handy, by the way.

[Karen Valby]

Did you know how bad the injury was? Did you know it was kind of a career ender.

[Lydia Abarca]

When I first had it looked at. I went to the hospital for special surgery because my sister worked there, and she was able to get me in to see an orthopedist. And he said it needed surgery, but he couldn't do it right away. So I went to another doctor who apparently did most of the surgeries if they were needed for New York City Ballet dancers. And the surgery, I thought it would be something I could just jump back really quickly, and no. And so I was still having pain, and I went back, and the second time I was under, I could hear him during the surgery saying things like, well, what does she expect me to do at this knee? She's too old anyway. Why doesn't she just model? So I'm hearing this, and I'm just so not confrontational. I just, you know, after the surgery, I never went back. I did beg him to refer me to physical therapy. That was not even something he offered me. And I did that for a while. And I spent so much time trying to get my knee back together. And again, I'm 30.

[Karen Valby]

While you were rehabbing your knee, you're on crutches for a summer, and you start spending each day with your grandmother, watching TV with her. And you once described how she said during a commercial break, oh, Lydia, how are you going to get on without the applause? And what was that like for you to. To stop being on stage, to stop being the star who gets encores after encores.

[Lydia Abarca]

You know, at that time, I really still thought I would be able to get back on the stage. I really did. So I didn't. When she said that, in my head, oh, no, I'll get back to that. I'll get back to that. But, you know, as it went on, and I realized I was not again, what am I supposed to do? I trust it. I lived this fairy tale in my head. But I was taking jazz classes at Luigi's, and there was a woman there, and I noticed she wasn't really taking the class. She was more talking to Luigi in between combinations. And she came up to me and she said, are you Lydia Barker? And I said, yes. She says, you have got to come teach at my school. You have got to come to Queens and teach my students. And there it was. I had never thought about teaching. I was too busy trying to get back on that stage. And that opened up a whole new focus for me. Teaching. Yeah, and sharing what I knew and. And not being mean like Arthur and pretty much getting the same results.

[Karen Valby]

You know, it seems a truth about dancers is that they're treated as disposable in this business. You all would often say how Arthur would say, you're all replaceable. You know, I got a dozen more dancers coming up. You can lose your part at any time. You're replaceable. What, in hindsight, would you tell young dancers so as to not see themselves as replaceable?

[Lydia Abarca]

You know, what I really think dancers need to concentrate on is their own worth. And I hate when I hear of dancers who are striving to be in a ballet company, and the possibilities of them getting into the company or being promoted in the company are very slim. And so I feel strongly that you have to find a company that will nourish you, that will nurture you, that will use you. And I don't know what it is about. I don't know these big companies that are very slow to diversify, and that's their right. But Arthur Mitchell had the right idea. If you won't take us, we'll do our own. It's a short career. You got to make a decision.

[Karen Valby]

You said how important you would think it is for a young dancer to find herself in a company that nurtures and nourishes her. Did Dance Theater of Harlem do that for you?

[Lydia Abarca]

Oh, my gosh, yes. I told you I was clueless. And I'm the rarity because everyone else that was there had known what they were working towards. Oh, dance theat of Harlem. And you could talk to anybody that, especially the founding members in the first and second generations that got Mr. Mitchell's personal attention. Attention. Ooh, Priceless. Priceless. He could tear you down, but he could just as easily build you up, you know, not with praise, but with just maybe a nod of approval. You just knowing that you, you know, you did your best, and that's what he was looking for.

[Karen Valby]

You know, you visited Arthur in his apartment shortly before his death. Can you talk a little bit about what inspired you to make the trip?

[Lydia Abarca]

I never bragged about what I did. I would mention it, and I loved having proof of it. And my daughter's the same way. Daniella. She was telling people her mom was the first black Ballerina of Dance Theater Harlem. And I think she went to prove it one day and she put in first black ballerina. And the only thing that kept coming up was Misty Copeland. Misty Copeland. Mom, I thought you said you were the first black prima ballerina. Well, I was. Well, where's your stuff? And so we made that trip because she wanted us as a family to go up to Dance Theater Harlem, try to get some photos. And we went to the New York Public Library and I showed them a film of combat. But the quality was so bad, they. They were young, they didn't stay focused long. Al, my husband, said, why don't you call Arthur? Because we knew he lived near Lincoln Center. And I called him, I don't know. And he said, well, who's with you? I said, just my family. Okay, come by. I couldn't believe he said to come by. It was wonderful. It was wonderful. He let Al tape him. He was so complimentary. He took out Lord Snowden's book and showed how the picture with me and Jerome Robbins was so good. And, you know, he showed off his cheek muscles back in the day. But that's why we were there. We really, my kids, my family, and Arthur. I just. It just gave me validation. After I left the company, I never called him. I never made it a point to talk to him again. To me, it was just an understanding that, you know, it was time for me to leave. But whenever, in the summers, I would drive the kids up, just me and the kids, because Al had to work and we always stopped at dance theater. And if he was there, he'd be, oh, here's Lydia. Come, Lydia. He'd show me around and this is the new room and everybody, this is my room. My first ballerina, Lydia Barker. And it just felt so good to know that he wasn't upset with me anymore, you know.

[Karen Valby]

Lydia, how does it feel today to reclaim the fact that you were a prima ballerina? How does it feel to put the fact of your achievement down on record?

[Lydia Abarca]

It's time. I'm humble, but I know what I did and I know how hard it was to do it. And I just want, you know, history to remember that. But I do want people to remember. I do. That's vanity, I guess, but I do.

[Karen Valby]

Well, I don't know if it's vanity. It's fact.

[Lydia Abarca]

Yeah. We were drilled into humility. You know, you want to be an artist. And so being shy and non confrontational, I was quite willing to just assume that people would remember me, you know, it's okay to talk about it and brag about it and be remembered for it. You know, Arthur was not on stage when that curtain went up. It was us.

[Karen Valby]

You had an extraordinary first act in your life, Lydia, and your second act was so meaningful in your struggle to find peace and stability. But it's such a joy to witness you in your third act now and to see you in the spotlight, which is really where you've always belonged.

[Lydia Abarca]

Oh, thank you so much, Karen.

[Karen Valby]

Thank you.

[Erica]

That was Lydia Abarca and Karen Valby, the author of the Swans of Harlem, which is available wherever books and audiobooks are sold. If you liked this interview, you're in luck. There's another one coming up with former ballerina Sheila Rohan. Keep an eye out for that, and thanks for listening.