An honest conversation about marriage after a decade together

Summary

The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Episode: An Honest Conversation About Marriage After a Decade Together

Date: July 8, 2026
Theme: Reflecting on 10 years together—lessons, stories, and the evolution of marriage and partnership

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and candid episode, Matt and Abby, high school sweethearts turned creators and parents, celebrate a decade of being together—recounting their journey from young love to marriage, parenthood, and entrepreneurship. They dive into the realities of how their relationship has changed, the hard lessons learned, cringey early moments, fights and reconciliations, and what advice they would give (and challenge) after 10 years as a couple. The tone is warm, bantering, humble, and deeply honest, with both humor and vulnerability running throughout.

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Key Discussion Segments & Insights

1. Marriage After Kids: Hard Truths

[00:20–01:12 | 59:40–62:13]

• Abby’s admission: “I didn't prioritize my marriage after starting our family... I feel like I mentally cut you out of the picture for a little bit there. It took me months to just be like, oh my gosh, I freaking love you.” [00:20–00:32 & 59:40]
• They discuss how welcoming children fundamentally shifted their dynamic, with Abby feeling a total identity shift and Matt referencing research that postpartum can last up to two years.
• Matt’s advice: “Do not consider divorce for two years after having a baby. It's just hard, man. Your relationship will not be the same after having kids.” [61:35]

Notable Moment:

• The couple describes the baby stage as “a major learning curve” requiring grace, patience, and an explicit recommitment to each other.

2. 10-Year Timeline: The Story So Far

[02:52–08:35 | 13:09–24:13]

• Recollection of major milestones: high school dating, awkward first kiss, following each other to college, theater school auditions, living in Hawaii, starting social media, having kids, moving to Arizona, and launching businesses.
• Abby: “We have officially been together together for 10 years. A decade.” [02:56]
• Matt: “Imagine if you and your boyfriend in high school wanted to follow each other to college... That’s essentially what we did. But in the arts.” [04:37]

Cringe/Heartwarming Flashbacks:

• Both had their first ever kiss together.
• Abby’s “cringey” deliberation: “Are we dating? Because I can't be macking on a guy that's not my boyfriend.” [03:30]

3. Entrepreneurial Journey: Mascara Launch & Growth

[07:27–11:36]

• Abby opens up about launching her own mascara line, “Biswell Beauty,” named after her maiden name.
• “I am not an entrepreneur... But what I do love is makeup, and I always felt conflicted when it came to mascara. There's a hole in the market here.” [07:58]
• The process: over a year testing formulas, seeking honest feedback, her own insecurities about entrepreneurship.

Matt’s Compliment:
“You really did your due diligence... you've compared the mascara formulas to the ones you used to use.” [10:24]

4. Game Segments: Relationship Trivia & ‘Who Said That?’

[13:09–34:38]

• They playfully quiz each other about relationship “firsts,” major fights, first vacation, and viral moments.
• “Our first fight was about which college we were gonna go to.” [16:46]
• Reflection on posting cringey early videos and whether they can even rewatch their own past content.

‘Who Said That?’ Quotes & Reflections

[26:18–34:38]

• Matt: “Will I be judged for not wearing a shirt in Utah?” [26:53]
• Abby: “I would rather do the Irish goodbye. I hate saying goodbye.” [28:46]
• Honest reactions to old statements—how they’ve grown and how their views have shifted.

5. Community Poll: Best & Worst Relationship Advice

[34:41–53:55]

Worst Advice

• “Don’t say I love you too often because it loses value.” [36:40]
  • Matt & Abby strongly disagree—“We say I love you all the time.” [36:44]
• “Even postpartum you need to make sure your husband doesn't lose interest.” [38:46]
  • Abby: “That is NOT your job, honey.”
• “Keep a secret bank account in case your husband leaves you.” [40:08]
  • Surprised by how common this is.
• “Never go to sleep angry.”
  • Both now believe it’s often better to sleep, cool off, and revisit hard discussions in the morning.

Best Advice

• “Never stop flirting.”
• “Don’t fight in the bedroom; your body keeps the score.”
• “Love isn't finding the perfect person, it's choosing the same person over and over again.”
• “It's gotta be so easy at the beginning, and if it’s not, it's not worth your time.”
• “Never vent to your family about your partner.”

6. Ten Lessons from Ten Years Together

[55:49–75:50]
Matt and Abby each share five lessons learned—reflections on their own mistakes, growth, and surprising truths.

Matt’s Five:

1. Make friends with other married couples: “Your problems aren’t unique.” [56:13]
2. Do not consider divorce for two years after parenthood: Give yourself grace in tough transitions.
3. Fornicate frequently: “It’s like a factory reset for the relationship.” [65:47]
4. Continue to date your spouse: Be intentional about time together, don’t let date night become a household meeting. [68:28]
5. It’s okay to go to bed angry: Sometimes resting is better than escalating a late-night fight. [73:53]

Abby’s Five:

1. Prioritize marriage even after kids: Acknowledge and course-correct when the relationship falls to the background.
2. Say sorry often: Humility is fundamental—don’t fear being “the loser” in an argument. [65:04]
3. Love them in their love language, not yours: “I would exhaust myself with acts of service, but Matt wants words of affirmation.” [66:44]
4. Don’t pick every battle: Learn to “let some things go”—not every annoyance is worth addressing. [70:46]
5. Don’t keep score: Out-serve each other and accept that life will never be a perfectly even split. [74:40]

Mutual Takeaway:

• Marriage is more about choosing partnership and friendship daily than constant passion.
• “If you look at marriage as, ‘I’m just trying to out-serve you and you are out-trying to out-serve me,’ that is the best setup.” [75:02]

7. Looking Back & Forward: Messages to Their Future Selves

[75:59–83:10]

• Matt and Abby revisit a video they made to themselves on their wedding night, reflecting on goals they set for their future marriage.
• Abby to her future self: “Not be so overpowering and dominant.” [77:30]
• Matt to his future self: “Focus on people and relationships, not just business or providing.” [78:28]
• To their next decade: nurture companionship and best friendship as the foundation for enduring love.

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Most Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

• On Marriage After Kids:
  “I feel like I mentally cut you out of the picture for a little bit there. It took me months to just be like, oh, my gosh, I freaking love you. This is why we did this in the first place.” — Abby [00:23, 59:40]

• On Saying I Love You:
  “We say I love you all the time. We say it so often... If you feel like it, just say it.” — Matt [36:44]

• On Forgiveness:
  “If you're going into a disagreement with the goal to win, you've already lost.” — Matt [48:23]

• On Bad Advice:
  “You can't date a project. You certainly can't marry a project.” — Abby [47:14]

• On Letting Go of Small Annoyances:
  “There’s an art to that. In a long-term relationship, you learn to just let some things go.” — Abby [70:46]

• On Love Languages:
  “I would do all these acts of service, but Matt wanted words of affirmation.” — Abby [66:44]

• On Friendship in Marriage:
  “The more I learn about marriage and relationships is that friendship will really carry you the furthest.” — Abby [80:49]

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Noteworthy Moments & Authentic Reflections

• Abby revealing her struggle balancing motherhood and being a wife, and candidly discussing the mom-brain/partner-brain gap after childbirth.
• Playful, sometimes cringey, but always loving banter about early dates, viral videos, and awkward relationship milestones.
• Personal growth on humility, especially learning to apologize—even when it initially feels like “losing.”
• Real talk on advice clichés—when even tradition (“don’t go to bed angry”) needs to be challenged by real-life experience.
• Deep appreciation for community and the healing power of knowing “your problems aren't unique.”
• The emotional closing reflections, including the importance of “out-serving” each other and the power of simply taking things “day by day.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Marriage After Kids, Postpartum Effects: 00:20–01:12, 59:40–62:13
• Their Relationship Timeline Recap: 02:52–08:35, 13:09–24:13
• Lessons from Launching a Business: 07:27–11:36
• Trivia & Quotes Game: 13:09–34:38
• Best/Worst Advice Reflection with Audience: 34:41–53:55
• Ten Lessons from Ten Years: 55:49–75:50
• Final Reflections, Future Messages: 75:59–83:10

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Final Notes

This episode is an authentic, emotional, often funny look at how marriage, love, parenthood, and personal growth unfold over a decade. Matt and Abby blend practical advice with vulnerable storytelling, offering both wisdom and camaraderie to listeners in all stages of relationships. Their charm lies in not pretending to have all the answers but being honest about working on themselves and their partnership, every day.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I didn't prioritize my marriage after starting our family.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I feel like I mentally cut you out of the picture for a little bit there. It took me months to just be like, oh, my gosh, I freaking love you. This is why we did this in the first place.

[A]

Keep a secret bank account in case your husband leaves you.

[B]

I have a friend's parent that did that.

[A]

No way.

[B]

When their husband ended up finding out about it, he started giving her money to put in her special bank account.

[A]

That's actually really sweet. What's the difference between alimony and child support?

[B]

Alimony's for you, child support's for the child.

[A]

Wait, why do you guys talk about this?

[B]

I'm getting some ducks in a row.

[A]

What? I'm just kidding. Goodness.

[B]

Welcome back to Always Here Unplanned.

[A]

Was that a joke or was that kidding? I was gonna say my good. Not the right podcast.

[B]

Back to Unplanned Podcast. This will tell you literally how my brain has been operating recently.

[A]

If you guys didn't know, Abby's pregnant. Fourth pregnancy, third baby boy. Things are happening, guys. The belly is. It's popped. And it's also dropped, too. Well.

[B]

I feel like it was just always low. This was the lowest I've ever carried a baby.

[A]

We just had an appointment today, and the doctor had all good things to say, but baby's coming in at 68%.

[B]

58.

[A]

58%.

[B]

Yes. So for us, that's still. Tiny little guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Amazing.

[A]

I'm pumped.

[B]

Yep. But not as birthplan is still in action.

[A]

Not as pumped as the kids were in the car earlier. Can you tell? Can you?

[B]

I know. I wish we could have started just recording the podcast at 12:37 when I was in the car in the in n out drive through with the boys, and we were seeing. Hi. Oh, let's go, let's go. They love that song.

[A]

That's from Jimmy Neutron. Wait. Oh, that's why, babe, I'm so happy that they love the Jimmy Neutron movie because that shaped my whole childhood.

[B]

I'm telling you, it can turn their whole mood around if I just start going. If I'm trying to get them to leave, I'm like, hi. Oh, let's go.

[A]

Next. Wait, what's. What movie has. Who let the dogs out?

[B]

Every single movie that was made in, like.

[A]

No, wait, that was the Rugrats movie.

[B]

Oh, really? Remember the Rugrats movie? I feel like it's in Shaggy Dog. I was afraid of that movie as a kid. Actually.

[A]

I need to show them the Rugrats movie. That was my favorite.

[B]

No, I feel like that was not a good movie.

[A]

There's a lot of good Nickelodeon movies.

[B]

Oh, no, I was a little bit. I was deterred from Nickelodeon by my parents. They were very pro Disney. A little bit like, see, I was a Nickelodeon kid.

[A]

I was a Nickelodeon kid. Yep.

[B]

That's tough. That's tough to learn. Now, 10 years into our relationship.

[A]

Well, do you want to give everyone a rundown what we'll be talking about today on the podcast?

[B]

Well, we have officially been together together for 10 years. A decade.

[A]

Years.

[B]

A decade.

[A]

June 18, 2016 was when I took Abby on our first ever date. And then on a couple days later, Abby said to me the famous line.

[B]

I hate this line.

[A]

Why do you hate this line?

[B]

Because it's just so cringy.

[A]

Well, do I guess now? Should I not say it?

[B]

No, you can say it.

[A]

Basically, Abby said, well, am I also.

[B]

Should I say that that was our first kiss? That was both of our Evers. First kiss.

[A]

First kiss. June 18, 2016. And then a couple days later, Abby said the famous line to me. Are we dating? Because I can't be macking on a guy that's not my boyfriend.

[B]

That is so cringey.

[A]

That's what she said.

[B]

I'm literally just cringing my skin.

[A]

And she really said that. And then I said, yeah, we're dating. Cause I think I'd actually told somebody. She had overheard it.

[B]

I did tell someone that I was your girlfriend. And I overheard it. And I was like, well, I did not consent.

[A]

And you see, I didn't really understand, like, the. I was like, yeah, we're dating. You know, like, we've been on. Going on some dates.

[B]

That's fair. That's fair. But you can't call me your girlfriend unless you've asked for me to be

[A]

my girlfriend and then officially became a girlfriend.

[B]

We sorted it all out, and 10 years later, we're still together. A lot has happened in that time.

[A]

We've gotten married, we went to college

[B]

together, we graduated high school, lived in

[A]

Hawaii for a year.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait. Start over. We went to high school or graduated high school.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Followed each other to college, got engaged, we got into.

[A]

We Got into theater school. We both auditioned at, like, 20 different schools. Guys, I don't think you understand how, like, hardcore we were about this.

[B]

Well, it was a public university.

[A]

Imagine, okay, imagine if you and your boyfriend in high school wanted to follow each other to college, but you're both trying to make it in athletics. Like, let's say you're both cross country runners.

[B]

Like, they do both make it on

[A]

a team in school. Exactly. So, like, that's essentially what we did. But in the arts, so we. To. To increase our odds of getting in at the same school, we just auditioned everywhere. And what's funny is, like, I kind of followed. I would say I more so followed you because I had some opportunities that came up where I got good scholarships. But Missouri State was the prospect that, like, really wanted you. And I got on the wait list. Like, I wasn't even fully accepted. But it was the cheapest school that we got into. And my mom had been, you know, reading some Dave Ramsey at the time. Really kind of putting a, you know, putting some ideas in my ear about, hey, you really don't want to go into a bunch of debt for college, because then you have to pay all that money back. And so I'm very thankful, probably especially

[B]

for an arts degree.

[A]

Yeah. Like, you don't want to go into a hundred thousands of dollars. Like, if you're going to be a doctor and you got like, a hundred thousand dollars of student loans, you're like,

[B]

you're gonna get a job that's gonna pay that off.

[A]

That's a great bet. Yeah. Because you're gonna make way more than that even in your first year after residency, right? Yeah, but for, like, singing and dancing, that's risky. So anyway, followed each other to college. And then what happened?

[B]

We got engaged. We started social media. That kind of started to take off.

[A]

Yeah. I think, you know, really what happened,

[B]

you guys, is we switched our majors.

[A]

I had this dream of, like, basically this dream didn't even exist until after we had switched for majors. I found Abby watching couples vlogs on YouTube. And I'm like, people are like, vlogging their. Their life as a couple and that, like, that can pay their bills. And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, babe, my entire life, I've made videos. Up until recently. Like, I was a part of our TV station in high school doing the editing, production, filming. I made videos for every project I had in middle school because when I had a tumor discovered on my back, I couldn't really do theater anymore. So I Had to find a new way to express myself through, you know, the arts. Anyway, this YouTube channel. This YouTube channel, though, was a flop. Like. Like, nobody was watching our videos. But then when Covid hit, we were, you know, stuck inside, and we're like, all right, let's just, like, do some TikTok dances for a fun little, like, YouTube video. And that is how it all started.

[B]

Yeah. Then we moved to Hawaii, because now we worked, like, remote, essentially. Like, we didn't have to be where we were. We started our family shortly after we moved to Arizona, and then we kind of, like, now have a mini compound in Arizona because now our whole family lives here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We have launched two podcasts. We have a new launch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's finally happening.

[A]

Do you want to talk about that new launch?

[B]

Yeah. I'm so nervous because I feel like I have talked about this so much, and it's gotten edited out of so many things. I've, like, been like, you guys are doing this. It's so exciting. And then every time I'm like, were people excited? And they're like, it didn't make the cut. Abby, we're launching a mascara. Is this gonna get cut again?

[A]

It's not gonna get cut.

[B]

This process, you guys, has really stretched me, because I'm gonna be so for real with y'. All. I am not. I'm not an entrepreneur. It's just not really in me. You know what I mean? And I wish it was, because I feel like it just with the way my life has just started to develop, it would be really handy to have that skill set. I'm certainly not. But what I do love is makeup, and I've always loved makeup ever since I was able to wear it specifically. I really love mascara, and I always felt conflicted when it came to mascara. Am I giving, like, the whole birth story right now of this?

[A]

Go for it.

[B]

If this gets cut, then that's fine. But I always felt conflicted because, especially since becoming a mom and just, like, learning more about ingredients, you hear a lot of sketchy stuff that can go into products, and I always felt like I had to, like, kind of sacrifice either on the way my lashes looked or, like, what was in them. And so, because I was like, there is literally, like, there's a hole in the market here, and I couldn't find one that I really loved. I was like, it would be so cool if we could ever just create one from scratch of our own.

[A]

Yeah. The process has been extremely long. Like, we.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just for context, you guys, we thought this Mascara was launching in November of 2025, and it's. It's now, like, way past that, obviously.

[B]

But can I have a secret? I have been literally using my own formula for over a year.

[A]

Over a year, guys.

[B]

So when anyone has been leaving comments, like, asking about my mascara, like, what mascara do you use? I've never answered it. And I feel so bad because I am not a gatekeeper. It's not who I am. It's not. It's not in my DNA. I want to share. I want to share everything with everyone. I'm a girl's girl. Come on.

[A]

Yeah, but why share about it if they can't even buy it?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Until now, babe.

[B]

So I feel like people are always like, I'm not allowed to tell. And I'm like, well, who's telling you not to tell? There are forces that be that tell you not to tell. I'm telling you that right now. I've learned a lot. And so now it's finally. It should be there. I don't know that we did everything strategically or right or entrepreneurial, but I really believe in this. I'm really excited about it. I know that it makes my day better just to have a little mascara on and I can talk more about it later, but this isn't really the time. But just to say, like, I really believe in this, and I feel like this has been a really cool project that we were able to work on together. Obviously, you're not, like, a super big fan of mascara, but you bring so much to, like, I wouldn't have done it without you.

[A]

Well, I think what I appreciate about you, babe, in this whole process is you really did your due diligence. You've compared the mascara formulas to mascara that you used to use in the past for your eyelashes because you want it to be even better than the products that you've used.

[B]

So many tests for brushes, bottles, formulas.

[A]

And that's why pigments in addition to that, too. Abbey's given out the formula to her friends to try to get their feedback. They've all loved it. And you're wearing it right now, wearing

[B]

it literally every single day. If you've seen me for the past over a year, I've been wearing it. Yeah, it has just been such a process, but I really am proud of it. I am scared crapless.

[A]

And the company name is Biswell Beauty. If you go to biswell-beauty.com, that is where you can buy the mascara. It's incredible. Everyone. Everyone that's tried it has loved it.

[B]

Oh, Biswas my maiden name, by the way.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's. You're probably like, yeah, you're probably wondering why is it called? Explain why it's called Biswell Beauty.

[B]

Because it's my maiden name.

[A]

Okay, that's it. There you go.

[B]

Very. And I feel like my family was very thrilled about that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So anyway, yeah, lots of.

[A]

I was thinking we could call it Howard Beauty and then Abby was like, it's gotta be.

[B]

Didn't roll off the tongue as well.

[A]

Didn't. Yeah. No.

[B]

Dang it. Dang it.

[A]

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[B]

Well, this episode is going to be really fun. We have actually, we've. We've planned a lot. I got to be honest, this is called the unplanned podcast, but we planned a lot because we've been really reflective. We have been together a decade now. We have done this podcast for, gosh, feels like a decade.

[A]

Nearly 200 episodes.

[B]

Oh my. And there's just like a lot to reflect on. And throughout our entire relationship, we have changed so much. But I think it'd be fun to start off with some quick relationship trivia.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, let's do it.

[B]

I feel like you're gonna be really good at this. Cause I feel like you really like locked in on a lot of our firsts together. Okay, what was our first date? Were you nervous planning it? What do you remember?

[A]

I was so nervous. Our first date was three different dates in one. So we started off with lunch at Chick Fil A.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Abby got chicken nuggets I couldn't eat

[B]

because I was so nervous.

[A]

I got the number one meal with the lemonade.

[B]

So you were consistent with who you were. I just couldn't eat. So I was like, just get chicken

[A]

nuggets, like, and then I think I ate them for you.

[B]

Like, I probably couldn't eat. I was so nervous.

[A]

I think I, you know, I can. I can really throw down some food. So when you didn't eat them, I'm like, yes, I'll eat these. Then we proceeded to go see.

[B]

Did you buy. Did you buy my Chick Fil A?

[A]

I did buy your Chick Fil A, as a gentleman would. It was like the whole $6 back in 2016.

[B]

Did you pay for my movie ticket?

[A]

I did.

[B]

This is so weird, you guys. After this, we went to the Conjuring.

[A]

We saw The Conjuring Part 2.

[B]

Why did we do that?

[A]

I just wanted to take you to a scary movie so you'd get all, like, nervous.

[B]

You literally took me to a demonic movie.

[A]

I did. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I guess that was strategic too, because then it was like, okay, we'll get scared so we can have an excuse to cuddle.

[A]

I remember how nervous I was put my arm around you.

[B]

I remember how nervous I was to move my hand off your leg.

[A]

When you put your hand on my leg, I thought, like, there was so much happening inside my head. I was just so thrilled.

[B]

I distinctly remember that my hip started to lock up because I was, like, kind of leaning towards you and I was like, I cannot move. I simply cannot move. So I was like, I'm gonna stay frozen like this.

[A]

I remember when I kissed you the first time. I said that was awkward. And then I think I did it. Did I redo it after that? We did two kisses. The first one was awkward. The second one was just right.

[B]

We remember every detail because, you guys, this was literally Matt's first date ever. This was both of our first kisses ever. Like, it was. There was a lot going on, like, emotions wise. It was super fun. And I remember every detail because then afterwards we went and we went hiking.

[A]

Yeah, we went hiking. We went to Castlewood State park in Missouri.

[B]

It was like a six hour date.

[A]

It was a long date. All on my 18th birthday, which made it very memorable.

[B]

My golden show that night.

[A]

Golden birthday, by the way. And. Yeah. And then after all of that, we went and performed in a production of Mary Poppins at the municipal opera in St. Louis, Missouri. It was not Mary Poppins, also known as the Muni. It was definitely Mary Poppins. No, wait. That was the first show. Sorry. That was the first show that we were in. We. That was. Yeah. So our first show together was when we were in middle school. We were just friends and, like, played cards together when we weren't needed on. On stage, which was a lot of times. Then our second show together was when we started dating.

[B]

Perfect. We crushed that. Who initiated the first kiss?

[A]

Me.

[B]

Matt did. I was never gonna do that. I wanted you to kiss me, but I was never gonna initiate that. Who said I love you first?

[A]

I think that was me. Was it me or you? I think it was me.

[B]

It was you. And I think you were like, I think I love you. If I remember correctly.

[A]

I think I. Yeah, I think I did.

[B]

And I think it was when you were FaceTiming me, like, a month into us dating.

[A]

It might have even been sooner than that.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

It was fast. We moved. Really?

[B]

Did I say it back right away?

[A]

I think you did.

[B]

I think I did, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We said dove head first. You guys. That's what's crazy about dating in high school. You just. No abandon.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What was our first fight about?

[A]

I can't remember.

[B]

I think I remember.

[A]

Oh, it was about which college we

[B]

were gonna go to.

[A]

And I think what happened is I was a rare dude in the theater world that could dance because I had taken dance, like, my whole life. And I think, well, a lot of

[B]

guys can dance, but I feel like a lot of, like, high school, going into college, they don't do formal dance training. Like, a lot of them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In musical theater.

[A]

Musical theater. So basically, how would you describe this. This argument? What. What's your memory of it? Because I feel like you have a better.

[B]

I don't remember details, but I just remember that was, like, the first time we actually had conflict because, like, what were we gonna fight about before in high school? You know what I mean?

[A]

It was. It. We were in Chicago. We were there for unified auditions where a bunch of different schools auditioning kids for their musical theater programs. Like, they hold just auditions at this hotel. And so you can audition for, like,

[B]

we're there with our moms, staying at my grandma's condo.

[A]

Yeah. So it was. It was stressful. Like, we both were doing multiple auditions, and I think.

[B]

And I wasn't having a good time. It was probably my fault, honestly.

[A]

I think you were just discouraged because I think you were getting shut down because.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's what it was. I feel like I kept like. I think you had like these rose colored glasses on because you would show up to the doors of these auditions and usually they have like a fee of like $60 just to audition here and like for us to look at your headshot and resume.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you would like walk up to the doors and they'd be like, well, wave the fee. Like a tall man. Like, he's so rare. And so then they just like would let you in. And then I feel like you just had these like rose colored glasses on of the whole experience of then like being like a girl just dime a dozen, you know, at one of those, like those open call essentially auditions. Like it was. And I'm sure it was just something that. I don't even remember the details of it, but I just remember that was the first time that we were like, experiencing conflict.

[A]

I think I was just super excited. You were discouraged. And then it like provided this disconnect where we just didn't feel the same way about how the college audition process was going to.

[B]

Yeah, I don't really remember much more than that.

[A]

Yeah, I. I remember we were at some sort of like, corner bakery. It was the corner bakery in downtown Chicago. And we were just. And. And we had gotten it, like, what we. I guess we got into it. There was like, no, like, we weren't yelling. We were just kind of like.

[B]

I know. I mean, obviously our moms were there too.

[A]

Just like a sad conversation.

[B]

It was just sad because I think it was just like, you go on without me, like, leave me behind.

[A]

I think you said something along those lines.

[B]

Yeah, that's good times, good memories to remember. But that was just like the first time that it was just like, oh, we have. We're making a life decision together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which I don't know if that was even really right to make at that point, but we surely did. So what was our first vacation together?

[A]

That would be Fort Myers, Florida, with my family. Yeah. For spring breakfast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

2018, 2017. Yeah.

[B]

I woke up my whole family throwing up. Because you cannot throw up like a normal person. He like, coughs when he throws up.

[A]

Your whole entire family, Your mom especially was very concerned.

[B]

Yeah. But it sounded crazy.

[A]

I think your family is just terrified

[B]

of throwing up or whatever.

[A]

Think you and your mom just have a fear of vomiting. It was like I felt way. I felt way better afterwards.

[B]

We were at like a Crab Shack and then Matt just disappeared for like 45 minutes.

[A]

Threw up in the bathroom.

[B]

I think you had diarrhea.

[A]

I got the stomach bug. No, I think I was throwing up in the bathroom or. Oh, actually, no. Maybe it was diarrhea first and then throwing up later.

[B]

What great memories. Yeah, no, that was just exhilarating. Like getting to travel and like, you, like, actually get really close. You were already really close with my family, but, like, getting to travel together for the first time, that felt like a big milestone. Especially because we were in high school. Are we gonna let our kids in high school bring their girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever?

[A]

I don't know about that. We'll see. It depends.

[B]

Yeah. Actually, I don't know if we like them.

[A]

If we like them, they can sleep in the.

[B]

You can bring yours, but you can't bring yours.

[A]

Yeah, that's what we'll do. We'll pick favorites.

[B]

That's great. What first apartment rent amount?

[A]

I think it was 650. A month, I think.

[B]

Was it that much? Because I feel like.

[A]

Was it less than that?

[B]

I think it was a little less. But that didn't. It included Internet. No, no. Included trash and water.

[A]

No, I think it. I think, like, I. I want to say all in. It was like around 650. Like, I think it was 550amonth or something.

[B]

Yeah. And then after our other utilities, it was like 650.

[A]

Yeah. So, yeah, pretty. It was pretty affordable.

[B]

It was pretty affordable.

[A]

Perks.

[B]

I don't think you can really find that anymore.

[A]

Yeah. Perks of living in low income housing. I'm curious what the price is for that low income housing apartment complex now. I wonder if they've. I'm sure they've raised it over the past five years.

[B]

Probably had to.

[A]

Yeah. Because that was.

[B]

I mean, it is subsidized by the government, though, so maybe they, like kind of covered that.

[A]

Yeah, maybe they do.

[B]

What was our first big purchase? It was the Taurus.

[A]

Yeah, The Ford Taurus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For I think that was $6,000.

[B]

We bought a car together. Yeah. For $6,000. Before we were even engaged.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We were just dating our freshman year of college, but we were trying to save up money to, like, eventually get married. But we couldn't do that if we didn't have a car to get to a job. So we got a car and then we just went and just looked at any restaurant that would hire both of us.

[A]

And we took the first restaurant that said we could work together there and share a vehicle, and that was Bella's. No. In Springfield, Missouri. Wait, no, but. Okay, that was when I had. That was before buying the car together because Flame hired me when I had my brother's car because he didn't need it that semester. Yeah, we were borrowing, and then he needed it back.

[B]

And Caleb.

[A]

Well, it was because my parents needed. My parents originally had bought. This is actually kind of sad. My parents had originally bought me and Caleb like, a truck because Caleb got his car from my uncle on his 16th birthday. And then when I turned 16, my parents bought a used truck that we, like, would, like, share and trade.

[B]

And you picked me up in that truck on our first date.

[A]

Yeah. Sometimes I drive the truck. Sometimes I drive the Camry. And then when money was tight, my parents needed the truck because my mom's car, I think, wasn't working anymore. So then my mom tried driving the truck to get to her job. And then my brother and I only had one car between the two of us, so we had to buy a car.

[B]

You did. You lived in different towns?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

First video that went viral,

[A]

like, actual viral, I would say would be the video of me trying on the prom dress. It was either you trying on your prom dress and getting my reaction was that, what, the wedding dress or a prom dress reaction video?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It might have been your wedding dress. I can't remember. But the. Okay. No, the first.

[B]

Don't ask me to put those back on actually, ever again in my life.

[A]

Both of those videos went viral. That was, like, in April, May of 2020.

[B]

But the video, basically, I just surprised Matt by putting on the dress that we wore to our high school prom. Again, like, when we were already married and then. Or my wedding dress. We don't remember which one.

[A]

And then the other video that went viral on TikTok was of us doing, like, the third or fourth video we ever posted. And it was like, the dance, like, doodle. It sounded like it was, like, in a different language. Yeah, that one. And then you, like, put your hands up and you, like, do this dance.

[B]

See, that's just, like, divided that every.

[A]

It was a really dumb TikTok dance.

[B]

Support for today's episode comes from Square. And they've got big news. During Square's biannual releases event, they launched a wave of innovative new tools to help local businesses run faster, smarter, and more profitably. Whether you're starting fresh or scaling fast, Square helps you keep up and get ahead.

[A]

We're big fans of Square because about a year ago, we were trying to buy hot chocolate from a kid at a hot chocolate stand and realized, oh, my gosh, we don't have cash to buy the hot chocolate.

[B]

We never have cash.

[A]

But then this kid pulled out his Square so that we could use our credit card to pay him. And it was. It was genius. I was like, you're. You're an expert entrepreneur. You're going to go places one day, kid. And that's all thanks to Square and

[B]

a lot of those kids. Hot chocolate stands made bank that holiday season.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I don't think they would have otherwise if it weren't for Square. Square launched its most powerful tools yet, designed to give local businesses a competitive edge without the complexity. If you're ready to sell smarter, run faster, and stress less. Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square [e-mail]. go unplanned. That's S Q U A R E dot com. Go slash unplanned. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. See that? This is what I'm not excited about, because that's exactly what this next segment is.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

It's reliving memory lane.

[A]

Oh, gosh.

[B]

Of cringy stuff we have posted.

[A]

All right, we. There's been a lot of it.

[B]

I can't even rewatch anything that we ever film.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, it just makes my skin crawl.

[A]

But there's been some good stuff.

[B]

No, it's. No, I'm like, I'm proud of it, but I also. I'm like, I can't watch it. Okay, that makes sense. No, I think it's weird to watch yourself there. But this one is called who Said that?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And we were talking in preparation for this episode how, like, most people don't even necessarily remember things that they said, like when they first got married. Don't remember things that they said. Like, I mean, you just don't remember, like, or, like, how you thought or, I don't know, any of your trains of thoughts. But not only do we have it documented, but we have it documented publicly. So we have the privilege, one could say, of being able to reflect back on things that we have said.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

Okay, the quote is, will I be judged for not wearing a shirt in Utah?

[A]

I feel like that was me.

[B]

Yeah, I don't really think it's gonna be me.

[A]

Okay, let's play the video. Let's see who it was.

[B]

Yeah, we really liked Hawaii in the sense that it was very laid back and chill and didn't really. It didn't matter what you looked like or.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What you had. And I feel like Arizona has more of that going for it. Than Utah.

[A]

You're saying that people in UT Utah are materialistic. That is so rude.

[B]

I'm not talking about the people. I'm talking about the culture of the state is different as far as, like, the things that they prioritize.

[A]

Whereas that's true.

[B]

They prioritize looks and achievements more than. Oh, another thing. Major stereotype.

[A]

Will I be judged for not wearing a shirt in Utah?

[B]

That was us deciding if. We're literally going. Actively deciding if we're gonna live in Utah or Arizona.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also, wow, my voice. It really sounds like that.

[A]

Your voice has always sounded like that.

[B]

Dang it.

[A]

I like your voice.

[B]

So, yeah, that was definitely Matt. I would love to think that I'd wear a shirt in Utah and in Arizona.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anywhere I am.

[A]

Yeah. Still crazy that. I mean, we legitimately were deciding where we were going to move and hadn't made up our minds. Now we have a family posted that, and my parents were also involved. Like, you can hear my mom commenting on where she thought we should move, and I felt the pressure. Like, to be honest, I selfishly wanted to move to Utah, but, like, everyone in our family, as well as you, was like, move to Arizona. So we moved to Arizona.

[B]

But do you feel like a part of you wanted to move to Utah? Because other people were saying to move to Arizona? Because I know you, and I feel like you're just like, no, it was.

[A]

It was for the school.

[B]

Just a tiny bit. Just a tiny bit.

[A]

For me, it was like, if I can't surf, I want to be somewhere where I can snowboard.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But luckily, now Arizona has a surf park. So that was. And that was just by chance. Like, there was no. I did not know that was happening when we moved.

[B]

No one could have known. This one says, I would rather do, like, the Irish goodbye. That was certainly me. I hate saying goodbye.

[A]

So what is the Irish goodbye where you.

[B]

You don't say goodbye. Right. You just leave.

[A]

That's really funny.

[B]

I would much rather do that then have, like, a. Like a hug and like a slow. Like, it just makes me too sad.

[A]

Which video is that from?

[B]

Probably us leaving Hawaii.

[A]

I also hope that we can make time to say goodbye to our friends today, too, because we haven't really told some people about leaving Hawaii. I feel kind of bad.

[B]

It happened so fast, and I personally hate goodbyes. I would rather. I mean, this sounds bad, but I like, I don't want my last moment to be, like, a sad goodbye with someone. So I'd rather do, like, the Irish goodbyes. That. What it is where you just, like, you just leave out and then you're just like, oh, by the way, I'm not there anymore, but I'm still your friend and just pretend I'm there.

[A]

I don't know. So just leave and don't say anything. We can't do that.

[B]

Moving out of Hawaii.

[A]

Yes. That's. That's. When was that? To our friends Eric and Olivia, who are our next door neighbors, probably.

[B]

Oh, that's so sad. That makes me sick to think about saying goodbye to them. Yeah, our neighbors in Hawaii we got really close with.

[A]

Which, by the way, kids dad on TikTok. That's our buddy Eric. Yeah. Our neighbor in Hawaii.

[B]

He does social media now too. He does has for a while.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is the next quote. We're gonna reconvene after college because a child is a huge commitment.

[A]

That was you? Me? That was me.

[B]

We're gonna recon.

[A]

Reconvene. I feel like I would say reconvene. That sounds like something I would say. So we're gonna reconvene after college and kind of figure out, okay, where are we at? Because a child is a huge commitment. Like having a baby is huge. That's a massive commitment to make. So we want to make sure that we're prepared for that when that comes.

[B]

That was Matt saying it and it was from when are we having kids? Is the title of the YouTube video. That was Matt saying it.

[A]

I remember when we posted that video, your mom was like, why did you post that video?

[B]

Oh, I do remember that. Well, she's probably like, why did you post any video? Because at that point it was very weird. It's the start of the podcast. It's just a sit down video. Like you've been podcasting there the whole time for a long time.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

This one, this quote is along similar lines. We can't be done having kids at 24. That was certainly me.

[A]

No, certainly. Abby.

[B]

You're done.

[A]

This is gonna be a lot.

[B]

You're done.

[A]

This is gonna be a lot.

[B]

Dude, I'm 24.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I can't be done having kids.

[A]

We can be young and hot like empty nesters. Wouldn't that be so fun?

[B]

We're having four children. Four. Four.

[A]

One is already crazy. You want to quadruple that. That. Yep.

[B]

On the unplanned podcast.

[A]

That was the unplanned podcast.

[B]

Like, you were the first episode. Yeah. Because Matt, remember, you were like, so convinced that we were like done having kids after. After.

[A]

Yeah, that was a lot Having two was a lot. Especially. Especially that quickly, you know, back to back.

[B]

I will say, upon further reflection, I do think 1 to 2 was a pretty hard transition for us.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All of it was.

[B]

Yeah. You know, a lot to learn. We can dive more into that later. This one says, you're never gonna catch me joining a timeshare.

[A]

You're never gonna catch me. Timing. I think that's gonna be you.

[B]

No, it's definitely you.

[A]

Was that me? That was from the video. That was when we went to Hawaii for the first time. Start of 2021.

[B]

I wanted to get a free luau,

[A]

and to get a free luau, we did a timeshare meeting. And it was a horrible experience.

[B]

One thing my spouse would never do is what would you say? Why did I just think of this one? I was like, join a timeshare.

[A]

You're never gonna catch me joining a timeshare. I hate timeshares. They're a waste of money.

[B]

It was Matt saying it. And this is clipped from the unplanned podcast.

[A]

But.

[B]

But that might be what we were. That's definitely what we were talking about. Let me tell you something. I could definitely be conned into joining a. A timeshare.

[A]

Don't ever do that.

[B]

Someone could tell me all the deals and all the perks, and I'd be like, that sounds like a heck of a deal. It like, you could catch me joining a timeshare, I think, if I wasn't married to someone so hard to get out of.

[A]

And they try to act like it's like an investment. Like, they. What? These sales people in timeshare meetings are so good at what they do. They have an opener that's, like, all warm and fuzzy and, like, brings you cookies and drinks and get you all excited. And then they have.

[B]

Yeah, we have, like, POG Juice.

[A]

Yeah. And then they have the next person

[B]

that comes in, maybe even champagne, and

[A]

puts the pressure on. They've got, like, the next level of sales. And then if you.

[B]

Then they have the big guy.

[A]

They've got the A hole guy that comes in.

[B]

And I'll never forget that guy.

[A]

Really lays it on, like, goes like, why didn't you sign?

[B]

You're like, we don't. We don't have any money.

[A]

Yeah, we kind of did lie about our income to do that timeshare meeting. It said you have to make at least $75,000 a year. And I think our married filing jointly tax return was like, that year.

[B]

Thousand.

[A]

Yeah, it was like 11,900. So we could not afford.

[B]

Like, we definitely make 75.

[A]

We just wanted the free luau. And honestly, the luau was a lot of fun.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. It was worth it.

[A]

It did get rained out, so we had to go inside, and it wasn't outside, but, you know, we got to eat some pork. Yeah, there's some good food.

[B]

This one says, you were such a little player. I definitely called you.

[A]

You definitely called me a player.

[B]

You were. Because you sang. I bet. I was referring to you singing to girls at football games in high school. Gosh, that's honestly such a little player.

[A]

That makes me sad to watch. Like, I miss those days.

[B]

This is a reaction video, and Abby said it.

[A]

It was reacting. That's right, because we were reacting to the video of me singing Baby, which is posted on YouTube from when I was 12.

[B]

Oh, that's from that video.

[A]

I was 13, guys. I really thought that posting one video of me singing was gonna get me discovered. Like, Justin.

[B]

Yeah, well, you were also 13, so, I mean, life is just.

[A]

You learn a lot.

[B]

You learn a lot. Okay, well, we got those. All right.

[A]

We did.

[B]

We know each other pretty well now. We are going to move into best or worst relationship advice. And we actually pulled you guys on the unplanned podcast. Instagram. If you're not already following us there or engaging with our posts there. It's really, really fun when you do because we get to hear from you on the podcast, and it's just fun to interact in that way and kind of, I don't know, build this community out some more. So we pulled you guys for the best and worst relationship advice you've ever received. Let's start with the worst.

[A]

Get the worst advice ever. Go.

[B]

What do you think our. First of all, what do you think our worst advice we ever received was? Something comes to mind for me.

[A]

I actually can't think of it. What? What was it?

[B]

This was advice we received when we were dating, and it really stuck out in our minds. They were like, because we wanted to get married, and we were sitting down with someone that was married, but they were, like, trying to tell us why we should wait to get married. And they were telling us that we should be selfish.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

For a little while longer.

[A]

For a little bit longer.

[B]

I just don't think that. Here's my. Here's my argument against that. I see where they're coming from because it totally changes your life when you're, like, considering somebody else. And literally, basically everything, every major decision, you do all those things. But I don't think that selflessness is something you can just turn on. I think that dating is the time to practice selflessness.

[A]

And so you're getting deep.

[B]

No, I. Well, all of my things I prepared for this episode are actually kind of deep.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

So, I'm sorry. I don't know.

[A]

I was excited.

[B]

I take this seriously, but I think it's something that you have to practice. So I'm like, I don't think that that's necessarily good advice to give to someone while they're dating, especially if they're dating seriously. Like talking about engagement. I don't think you say, just put it all off. Be selfish a little longer. I think that's something. You kind of have to start exercising before you get married. That's just my opinion. But here's what you guys said. The number one worst advice is don't say I love you too often because it loses value. I've heard that, too. I've heard that piece of advice, too.

[A]

We say I love you all the time. We say it so often.

[B]

Yeah, we do.

[A]

And why. Why would you not say it?

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

If you feel like it, just say it.

[B]

Well, here's my other piece of advice that I think is a little bit I disagree with when I hear it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Now, I think there's probably a good argument against it.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

But people tell people to wait to say I love you. And I get why, but this maybe just says something about my personality. You never know what happened, what's going to happen in life. Me getting so deep again. You never know what's going to happen in life. So I think it would be such a shame if you. If you were loved by somebody and you didn't know it.

[A]

Like, if I would have died in a car accident and you never told me.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

I'm just saying just say if you love someone, just tell them. There was way too short. And I just.

[A]

Yeah, there was somebody. Sorry to interrupt.

[B]

I tell my friends I love them.

[A]

There was somebody that posted a video about how they did they. Oh, gosh, I'm botching this so bad. You saw a video on social media about somebody that lost their boyfriend in a car wreck, and they were basically saying exactly what you're saying now, which is to say, I love you.

[B]

I'm a pee.

[A]

Because you never know when.

[B]

Yeah, that's why I always think it like that. Which is probably not a good way to think, but, gosh, you'll never catch me not saying I love you if I love someone. So.

[A]

And that's why we have to say to each other every night before we go to bed.

[B]

Yeah. Do you guys know this about me? If I literally. If we, like, say goodnight, love you, and then say. We just start talking about something else. It's like, oh, by the way, like, tomorrow. And then it's, like, quiet for a little bit. I'm like, good night. Love you. It has to be the last thing I say. I've been this way since I was a kid. It's like a freakish thing. Like, if my parents, like, would, like, come in and say something after we'd gone to bed, I'd be like, night. Love you. Like, love you. Like, I needed to hear it again. Like, I just needed to hear it a lot. So maybe that's where I'm coming from. Next advice says, even postpartum, you need to make sure your husband doesn't lose interest.

[A]

Make sure your husband doesn't lose interest.

[B]

I think they're talking about, like, sex appeal.

[A]

Oh, goodness.

[B]

That's so messed up. No, no, no, no, no. That is not your job, honey. Postpartum, you have a lot of other jobs at that point. That is not your job.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

That is not your job.

[A]

Yeah, I. I think, you know, there's nothing wrong with wanting to like postpartum.

[B]

It's just not.

[A]

That's not the conversation, not the focus.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Also, just here in general, it's really not. You need to make sure your husband doesn't lose interest.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, that's like. I think you can do things obviously to, like, keep spark alive, keep passion, but ultimately, don't put that on yourself, honey. Gosh.

[A]

Next one is, men are like cars. You need to test drive them before you decide to keep them. That's on worst advice.

[B]

And that's. That's on worst advice.

[A]

Yeah, that's good advice. I think you should make out a little bit. You know, make.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

At least make sure they're a good kisser, you know? Might as well kiss.

[B]

I feel like we definitely heard test driving cars. We. We heard bringing sand to the beach.

[A]

Yeah, we heard that one.

[B]

We didn't follow any of those advices.

[A]

Yeah, we.

[B]

I do. I do agree that that is bad advice. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Next one.

[A]

Next one we have is. Oh, my gosh, I can't believe this is real. Keep a secret bank account in case your husband leaves you.

[B]

And a lot of people do this, actually. Yeah.

[A]

You're kidding me.

[B]

Have you ever listened to anything on Ramsay?

[A]

No way.

[B]

Yeah, actually, I know I have a friend's parent that did that. Yeah.

[A]

Did their husband leave them?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

When their husband ended up finding out about it, he started giving her money to put in her special bank account. I think that's sweet.

[A]

That's actually really sweet. Oh, my God.

[B]

And he was like, your mom's loaded.

[A]

That's sweet.

[B]

I think that's really sweet. I think that could have gone a couple ways. And I think that just shows that they were really solid.

[A]

Yeah. That I like. I like that the husband had that reaction. You know, I. I just, I just think, first of all, yes, you gotta, you gotta make sure you're protected. Like, I think it's important to have, have like all that. I mean, I think. Okay, let me get on my soapbox here for a second. This is why marriage is important. Because if you. Let's say you're a stay at home spouse. I'm saying stay at home spouse because there's a lot of people that are stay at home dads now. It's not just like a mom thing. Like we're, you know, there's a lot of like, different ways that people manage a household. And if you're the one staying home and managing the household, but you're not married now, if you split up, you are screwed. If you've not been working a job like you, you're going to have to make some huge adjustments. And so if you're married, you're protected. Marriage protects you. When it comes to finances, it's mainly like think of marriage almost as a think about business decision. It's honestly like a business decision really, when it comes down to it. Alimony.

[B]

Yeah, it's alimony.

[A]

What? Even remind me of what alimony is.

[B]

That's exactly what you're talking about, right? I don't know. We're not divorced so bad.

[A]

This is so bad.

[B]

That's when you get checks from your ex.

[A]

Alimony is when you. Okay, yes, yes.

[B]

Yeah, but it's not child support.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, no. I don't even know what's the difference between alimony and child support alone is

[B]

for you, child supports for the child.

[A]

How do you know this? And how do I not know this?

[B]

We just talked about this at family dinner.

[A]

Wait, why do you guys talk about this?

[B]

Because I'm. I'm getting some ducks in a row.

[A]

Goodness.

[B]

I think I don't know what we were talking about. I actually don't. I know what you're talking about, but I Don't want to say it.

[A]

So now I'm so that. Like, I'm. I'm gonna be real right now. Like, I feel. I feel so stupid for. For not knowing alimony.

[B]

No, you don't need to. I mean, we had a whole conversation because we disagreed on what alimony was. So. Matt, I think. I think you were there.

[A]

I was there.

[B]

Yeah, you were there for sure. When was this family dinner? Like, a couple weeks ago.

[A]

Oh, goodness. That's bad.

[B]

I'm not surprised. It's okay.

[A]

Anyway, yeah, get married. You know, if you're having. If you're. Especially if you're having kids, get married. You're protected. I mean, in Arizona, too. Like, here's the other thing. Like, everything's. Everything's 50, 50 here. So your spouse could have, like, you know, XYZ and their name doesn't matter. You still get half if you're married.

[B]

Booyah.

[A]

Booyah. Next question. Next. Worst bit of advice is he only cheated once, so don't bother breaking up.

[B]

I've got a He only cheated once, so don't break up.

[A]

Pretty. Yeah, I don't think. I don't think that's good.

[B]

Well, I would like to know more of this poor person's story. Probably what didn't end at once.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like a lot of people that cheat have probably done it before.

[B]

Well, you know what they say?

[A]

What?

[B]

You need to completely. The only way to make it work. I do think that someone could cheat and you could make it work again. Yeah, you just need to completely scrap everything you have before and rebuild it. And then I think the person that got cheated on gets to make the rules for a while there. I think that's of like, you can't go in public without me. I don't know they're allowed to do that. They're allowed to. Thank you to Factor for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Hanger is striking. It's midday, you're hot, you're exhausted, and you open your fridge and there's nothing in there. But you know what really is the best solution to this problem? I really believe in this factor, you guys. They have chef crafted dietitian approved meals that are delicious and sent right to your door.

[A]

Throw them in the microwave, heat them up for like two minutes, and voila.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Not a bad idea. Kidding. You know, why do you read it? You read it in a way that it's hard to understand it, but it makes sense when I like think about the words. But your inflection confused me.

[A]

I'm sorry, I don't know.

[B]

They're talking about marry your first spouse for love.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Marry your second spouse for money.

[A]

Got it. Why would you do that? What, like, what is the rationale there?

[B]

So it's just more of a financial.

[A]

Why would you plan to get married twice?

[B]

It's bad. That's why it's bad advice.

[A]

I'm just still. I know it's bad advice. I'm just trying to understand like where this, where's this person even coming from?

[B]

You know, like you get a love and then you get taken care of. Ah. Like maybe you've been there, done that, had the love experience and then it's

[A]

like, ah, yeah, there's a lot of bad advice. And honestly, good advice for one person can be bad advice for another person too.

[B]

Oh boy.

[A]

That was something that I just thought of.

[B]

So that just blew my mind. I came and think about that.

[A]

Next one is he will change for you.

[B]

That's really actually not good. That. That is actually truly bad advice.

[A]

Yeah. I think if you're in a relationship trying to change somebody, like, like you need to be aligned.

[B]

Say you can't date a project.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, dating.

[B]

You certainly can't marry a project.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think in relationships you should bend and mold to each other. But that's a totally different thing than like, oh, he needs to do x Y and Z. So then he can be the perfect partner for me. Never go to sleep angry. And then I think this is theirs, them saying, we've got to think rationally, and surely that requires sleep.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna agree. I think that going to sleep angry is actually okay.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly, I never would have said that. But maybe in the past few months. Yes. Something about being pregnant and, like, being in the third trimester takes. Really takes the wind out of my sails for a fight at night. I used to have so much wind in my sails at night. There's no more wind. I'm like, you're right. Now I'm going to bed. Put mama to bed right now. So, no, I think that is actually probably bad advice, but we probably got that advice as well. Someone told me, don't apologize, because if you do, you lost. Oh, boy. That's not good. Yeah.

[A]

If you're going into a disagreement with the goal to win, you've already lost.

[B]

I. I already have an image of the type of person who would say this in my head, and I just really wish I would ever be able to figure out who gave this advice. The final worst advice is follow your heart.

[A]

Follow your heart. Why do I like that advice, though? Yeah, I'm like, I think it's good to follow your heart. I like following my heart. Really?

[B]

Following my heart, too.

[A]

My heart led me to you.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. We followed our hearts.

[A]

Yeah. Here we are, worked out.

[B]

Let's move on to best advice.

[A]

Yeah, that's good.

[B]

Never stop flirting. Been together since 14, 23 years now, and we still feel like teens.

[A]

I think that's good.

[B]

That's great advice.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

I think that's cute. I think a little fun. Text a little.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. Give him a little surprise. You get me flowers. I think that's cute.

[A]

Keep the love, the romance alive.

[B]

This one says, don't fight in the bedroom. That's your place of rest, and your body keeps the score. Oh, that's good advice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think I need to apply that.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

This one says, love isn't finding the perfect person, it's choosing the same person over and over again. That's great. That's beautiful.

[A]

That's cute.

[B]

Totally agree with that one. This one says, have sex with your husband often. Everything will be better.

[A]

I love that advice.

[B]

Next. His advice says, separate toothpaste. We share toothpaste often.

[A]

What's wrong with separate. What's wrong with the same toothpaste?

[B]

Well, I Feel like a lot of people, a common, like, early marriage fight is like, how they. What they do with their toothpaste.

[A]

Why would people fight about that? We, I don't know, like, that was like the whole toilet paper thing, fighting about that, fighting about toothpaste, all of that. We've never once.

[B]

We only fought about the serious stuff. Just kidding.

[A]

And like, jokingly, I'll get on you about using my toothbrush.

[B]

I don't think we really get on each other about, like, life habit things.

[A]

I don't really care.

[B]

I do think after 10 years, you kind of just get over it, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This next piece of user submitted best advice is it's gotta be so easy at the beginning, and if it's not, it's not worth your time.

[A]

I think that's good. If you're in a relationship and from the start it's rough, things aren't working out. Might not be a good one to see.

[B]

I do kind of think that when people have major conflicts early on in dating, I'm kind of like, oh, boy, buckle up. The only caveat is if life is giving you a lot of hard circumstances at that time and it's not necessarily the relationship that's causing. Like, say one of you goes through a loss.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, early on in dating.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

But that'll make it hard on your relationship, but it doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad relationship.

[A]

I agree. I think so much of relationships is timing, and so maybe that relationship could work out in the future. But I think right now, you know, they're this. The person that you're talking to might need to, like, figure out their life stuff and, you know, in that season,

[B]

it could bond you really quickly too.

[A]

It could. You're. I mean, I guess if you're obsessed with this person and you're willing to walk through that with them at that

[B]

time, you could probably speed up that process.

[A]

It would speed up the bonding. You're right.

[B]

This one says, never vent to your family about your partner. I think that's good advice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think you also need to be careful about your friends, too.

[A]

You don't need grandma and your mom, like, hating your partner because it puts

[B]

them in a bad position too, because, like, they probably want to speak life into your marriage. But then it's like, oh, but I'm also always in your corner.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Being your mom, your grandma, you know.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah. You just have to be careful. You always want to be championing your loved one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, be with someone who loves you more than you love them.

[A]

That's sweet.

[B]

Is it though? Is that good advice? I don't know. I don't know if you can measure love like that.

[A]

It's probably best to try to one up the other person. I think it's best to try to be giving in more like, I love you more. It's like that quote. It's not about what you can do for your country. It's not about what your country can do for you. It's about what you can do for your country.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And let's apply that to marriage. And so I actually.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think that's actually good advice because I feel like they should say, like, what do they say? I think this is a John Deloney thing. But they're like, marriage should be a race to out serve one another.

[A]

That's good. I like that.

[B]

And so I feel like that might be.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

Counterproductive. This one says have deep talks frequently. So when hard things come up, it's easier to talk about them.

[A]

I don't know about that one.

[B]

I don't think you should talk about deep. I think you should keep it light.

[A]

Yeah. Sometimes when you're having too many deep combos, it's like, what are we even doing? Like, how about we just talk about some fun stuff, you know?

[B]

Cuz ultimately I feel like marriage is a lot about companionship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like being friends and buddies, having fun, having small talk and just like laughing and being silly.

[A]

Like if you can't have fun together, you might want to find somebody else.

[B]

Well, if you're married, we.

[A]

Then you got to refine. Well, I think, like, you need to know that you can have fun together from the start.

[B]

You need to know that you are, you are able to have deep conversations.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's extremely important. But I don't think intentionally having deep talks often is necessarily the direction because I do know, I do know some, you know, I know couples like that where I'm like, oh no, they're having another super deep, super deep Philly thing.

[A]

Night. Yeah.

[B]

Late night feelers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The last one says love is a verb. I believe that especially as someone, that my love language is acts of service. I believe that love is a verb. Show me you love me. Do you know what that means, Matt? Love is a verb. No, like, verb is like an action word. It's like not a feeling you're taking action with.

[A]

With the love. You're doing things. You're. You're do it.

[B]

You're planning See, now you're taking it a different direction.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

What are we to say what's good advice and what's bad advice? But we surely are going to say what we think is good advice. Well, really, we're going to just talk about what we personally have learned through our own experience of being together for a decade. Yeah. We each came up with five, so we would have 10 things we've learned from 10 years together.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

That's pretty sweet.

[A]

Yeah. Should I go first?

[B]

Yeah. I'm really curious what you put first.

[A]

My first advice is make friends with other married couples. Your problems aren't unique.

[B]

That was really good.

[A]

So one of my favorite things about having couple friends is that they will talk about the real stuff they're going through in their life, and I will also do the same. And it's so connective and enlightening to realize, oh, my gosh, I'm not alone in this. Like, this. The hard things I'm dealing with, you know, when it comes to kids or when it comes to maybe a marriage problem that came up, everybody's going through the same thing, right? Everybody is. Especially when it comes to the newborn stage. That can be really tough. And, you know, I've been able to show up for my friends that have been through some difficult times there, and. Same thing, you know, on. On the flip side. So. I don't know. I think it's just very comforting to know that you're not alone. It's very comforting to know that. I mean. Yeah, just. Just not being alone is. Is huge.

[B]

That's so good. We. I'm actually gonna say that that was a deep combo we had last night. So we are hypocrites. Last night we were brushing our teeth is when we talked about this. Because when I said, like, we, I didn't say this, like, in a. Like, just. I was, like, talking about how important it is to have community because you realize your problems aren't unique.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And just like, with having, like we said, a lot of friends are married, like, talking about marriage and, like, things that they're going through, things that we've gone through. Like, it. So, like, it's not like we're having, like, a gripe session. We're all just, like, down afterwards. It's like, oh, okay. I feel like, you know, it's not. It's not all over. It's not all lost. Like, we're getting through it. We're gonna get through it. We can get advice from each other, talk it out. I feel like we have. Like, it's also nice to hear, like, oh, your husband does that too. Okay. Like, your. Your wife does that too. Okay.

[A]

And something that I told Abby and. And being completely honest, you guys, we've vlogged multiple trips that we've been on before. We're gonna, you know, Take a hiatus from traveling with a newborn. We vlogged our trip to Tahoe. We vlogged our trip to Maui. And then we did some social media, some. Some short form videos of our trip to Destin, Florida. And I told Abby that the trip that I enjoyed the most was the one with our friends. Because we're all in a very similar life stage. We have little kids that were able to play together the whole time. And it was just. It was just great. Like, it was. I just really enjoyed getting to hang with other dads. We were able to, like, play board games together.

[B]

Like, staying in the same house, you're like, oh, we all live the same life.

[A]

The moms would do hot mom walks while the dads would play catan.

[B]

I called them humid. Mom walks.

[A]

Humid. Oh, yeah. Those. So humid in Florida.

[B]

Florida, wow.

[A]

Yeah. Which honestly, I think I felt hotter. Like in Florida. Yeah. With it. It could be 82 degrees in Florida, but that, to me, felt hotter than like 105 in Phoenix.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because of that humidity. It's crazy.

[B]

It's like you're literally in a bowl of soup.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anyway, that was a good one. Should we take turns?

[A]

Yeah. Okay, now. Now you go up.

[B]

I actually did mine a little bit wrong, but it's really. It's gonna work out just fine.

[A]

Which. What's your.

[B]

I'm gonna do? Well, because we said things I learned, so I'm kind of just saying, like, things I messed up up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That I have, like, now learned to, like, try to correct.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So one of the things I did wrong that I've learned is that I didn't prioritize my marriage after starting our family.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And I feel like this is one of those that it's like, you hear this advice and then you almost. In my experience, I just had to live it to know what that was like, actually, like, because the experience of, like, becoming a mom, that identity shift, like, literally changed my brain so much that I like, feel like. And one thing, that's exactly what was supposed to happen. That's completely natural. And it's was like, you know, it's a biological thing that takes place. But I don't think I put the things in place to just be like, okay, wait, like, the reason we had kids is because we love each other so much. And so, like, I feel like I completely, like, mentally cut you out of the picture for a little bit there and had to really re. Like course correct once, like, the dust settled, which is like, obviously they. There's a time and a place for that, because, like, those newborn babies have such pressing needs. They need their mom so much in that beginning time that it was completely overwhelming to me. And so I'm not talking about in the fresh weeks, but I was, like. It took me months, really, to just be like, oh, my gosh, I freaking love you. Like, this is why we did this in the first place. And so that was a learning curve,

[A]

and there's even research to back that up. So people are saying now that postpartum, I guess this. I think this has been, like, known for a while, but I think it's becoming more publicly known that postpartum isn't something that just happens in the first, you know, couple weeks or a couple months. Postpartum lasts for years, Literally up to two years. From the research that I've done, you know that that's how long postpartum lasts.

[B]

It's one of those things that's like. You can hear it before, but it's really hard to apply until you're in it.

[A]

That's wonderful. Thanks for sharing that.

[B]

Thank you, baby. I love how you just said wonderful.

[A]

My next one is this kind of goes right along with yours. It's. Do not consider divorce for two years after having a baby.

[B]

I think that's great.

[A]

It's just hard, man. Like, your relationship will not be the same after having kids.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

It puts a lot of stress on the marriage, and the amount of people that do get divorced pretty quickly after having kids baffles me, you know?

[B]

Yeah, I should say it can. Some people have a really smooth time, you know, And God bless them.

[A]

Yeah, that's great for them. Great for them.

[B]

But God bless America.

[A]

I just. I just see it time and time again with people having kids, and you can just. You can just tell, like, it doesn't matter. You could be doing everything right. The marriage is just in a. In a tough spot because you have sleep deprivation, you have hormones that have changed. You have a. A new life that is fully reliant on the two of you.

[B]

I should also say that we spent every waking hour together since we got married, and then we had a kid, and then we were, like, split, you know? Like, it probably hit us harder, too, because we, like, spent literally every minute of every day together. Always.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So. But that's good. That's a good one. My second one is, I said, lacking humility, because I think that a lot of times when we'd experience conflict, I remember, like, consciously thinking in my head, like, if I say sorry, like, kind of like what that person said, if I say sorry, then that is just. That's putting me as the loser and then him as the winner. And I just was like, no, can't let that happen. And especially, like, just thinking of, oh, my gosh. I feel like always, like, always say sorry. I shouldn't say sorry this time or just, like, overthinking it. It's like, okay, no. If you mess up, say sorry. And then another piece of advice I got that was really, really good that I think is great relationship advice is if you can't say sorry, like, genuinely, like, for, like, for this thing that happened, because if you're like, okay, I still don't think that I did this wrong, then say you're. Then a good thing to do is you can say, hey, I'm sorry. Like, I feel like I would use the thing like, okay, last night was weird. I didn't like how that went down. Like, I'm sorry. Basically saying, like, I'm sorry the situation turned out like, how it was. And I feel like that is just a really good. I think it does the opposite of what I thought in my head. I thought I would put you as the winner, me as the loser, but I feel like saying sorry kind of evens the playing playing field a little bit. Like, it's like, okay, because then your. Your defenses go down where you're like, okay. She is, like, humbled herself to say sorry. And then for me, I'm like, that was hard to say. And now, like, I. I can. Now that I've said sorry, I can move on and do differently and be better. And so I think, in general, like, relationships are. I always say, like, parenting was, like, such an exercise in selflessness, but I think relationships are such an exercise in humility. And I think, once again, humility is one of those things that, like, as a single person, you can only. You can only strengthen that so much. But being in marriage together and walking through life, like, completely as one like that, that is where you are, like, truly experiencing humility.

[A]

What do you think about changing yours to say sorry often?

[B]

Yeah, say sorry often.

[A]

Is that. Do you think that, like, sums it up?

[B]

I think that sums it up. Okay, for the records, change mine number two.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Say sorry often.

[A]

This next one, you know that that

[B]

was my relationship advice on Always Here.

[A]

Really? Yeah, I think I heard you say that. Yeah. Okay, next one is fornicate frequently.

[B]

Who's surprised that you freaking said that

[A]

when that came up in the. In the best advice? I thought that was hilarious because that

[B]

was because you're like, I already wrote that down.

[A]

I literally wrote that down.

[B]

I think it's good advice.

[A]

Yeah. I. I was trying to think of, like, a funny way to say it. I was like, I don't know.

[B]

I give that advice to people often, honestly.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

If. If you're. If you have a friend that's having marriage troubles, you're like, just do it.

[B]

No, I don't try to give that blanket advice.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But it comes up often.

[A]

I feel like it's hard to have hatred for somebody, like, after doing that, you know?

[B]

Yeah. It's a practice, and it's a practice.

[A]

And it's like a brain reset. Right?

[B]

It's like you Factory reset.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a factory reset. It's like when your phone stops working, you're like, how do I fix this? Reset it.

[B]

You know, that's actually a really good metaphor.

[A]

Restart it.

[B]

It's a good metaphor.

[A]

I do that. When our wi fi stops working.

[B]

Yeah. You unplug it.

[A]

Unplug it.

[B]

Plug it back in.

[A]

Wait a minute. And plug it back in. And it starts working again.

[B]

This is getting so bad. Okay, my next one is. This is something that I have messed up in the past. I have loved you with my own love language.

[A]

Ah.

[B]

So, like, I will just do this tangible example of, like, I love acts of service. So then I would, like, literally exhaust myself, break my back trying to give Matt acts of service. Meanwhile, he's not feeling any more loved by it because that's not exactly, like, how he wants to be celebrated or appreciated. And I feel like that was. I remember we had this, like, conversation, like, probably three years into marriage. You're like, abby, thank you. Like, I'm grateful that you do these things, but this is not like, I like words of affirmation.

[A]

And so I just want you to tell me that you love.

[B]

Yeah, I just want you to tell me. I want to hear you say it. What do you like?

[A]

You're like, no, but I did that. And I'm like, I just want to know. I want to hear. Hear you verbally say that you love me.

[B]

Yeah. And then not even that. Like, you're like, what do you love about me?

[A]

Like, you, like, I'm, like, trying. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You're like. You're like, can you say one thing about me that you like?

[A]

And then meanwhile, on my end, I'm, like, showering you.

[B]

Showering me with praise.

[A]

So much praise. Complimenting you, Doing everything that I'd want to hear from you.

[B]

At least not Doing anything and you don't give.

[A]

You're like, do an act of service right now.

[B]

No.

[A]

Show me you love me. Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah. And I think that it's really important in a relationship that you celebrate one another.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But with the caveat of, like, how they want to be and actually feel celebrated. So, yeah, that was something I definitely messed up. And I have learned, and I'm still learning.

[A]

We both learned a lot.

[B]

We both learned a lot.

[A]

I think that's a tale as old as time. The whole doing your love language for someone else, even though it's not their love language.

[B]

It's so easy to do, though, because you're like, how do I feel? Loved. I feel loved when this happens. So I'm gonna do this. It's really, like. It seems so simple, but it's just. Yeah, it can. It's easy to mess up.

[A]

Next one I have. I think this is on. Is this. Or is this number seven? Yeah, this is number seven. Continue to date your spouse. It's so simple. It's. You've probably heard it before, but Abby and I are going on a date tomorrow night.

[B]

It'll be our first in a long while, though.

[A]

Yeah. We've been doing some travel, so it's been hard to make our weekly date night happen.

[B]

Weekly has not happened. We haven't had a date in actually a couple months, but that's fine. We've had a lot of good quality time.

[A]

Yeah, we've found ways. Like, we. We were in LA for this podcast, like, a month ago, and we went and got lunch before our flight left. And so that was kind of like a little date that we had.

[B]

When you're a parent to Littles, you learn to just make the most of those, like, quick moments.

[A]

But I think when you date your spouse, you really have to be intentional about not talking about the kids or talking about chores or different household responsibilities. For us, it can be easy to talk about business and work because we work together. And so if you are. Yeah. If you've been in a long relationship, I think it's so important just to put all those, like, all those things aside, especially. What's the right phrase to refer to it? Just like the.

[B]

The distractions.

[A]

Yeah. Like, when you're running a household, like, you don't turn date night into a household meeting night. It needs to be just a time to have fun together and talk about something other than household duties or, you know, if you talk about the kids. I mean, I love to talk about my kids.

[B]

They're gonna come up.

[A]

It does come up. But I think finding things outside of that that can connect you to one another and flirt with each other, you know, just making the date night actually fun. Doing something that isn't just, you know, you gotta be intentional about connection together.

[B]

Yeah. Obviously we talk about our kids a lot, but usually it's like on date night it's like, oh, well, this funny thing that happened that you didn't know about. It's not like logistics of parenting together.

[A]

100%.

[B]

Another mistake that I have made in the past 10 years together that I learned this one early on. I feel like I learned this one actually before we got married.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Picking every single battle. I feel like that this was a problem because I remember when we were dating, I will never forget this. You told me that you're like, you are kind of like, you're like nagging me. And I remember being like, am I like. That was really upending for me. I don't really know. I was just like, I never identified with like being a nag, but I like was. I was like, that's because I was picking every single battle. And so I do think that any long term relationship, you learn to just let some things go like that. There's an art to that. And it's like, I'm not gonna pick that one. I feel like we like let go of like pretty much every like petty argument that we would have experienced in our first year of marriage related to like toilet paper, laundry, any of the household things. It was just like, ah, yeah, we let it go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And for both ways. Because it's like, it's not like one of us is like the neat freak and the other is we just have really just become more and more like each other. I think. And that's just made living together a lot easier. I think.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

But yeah, I definitely picking every single battle was one. I was like, ah, gotta learn to let that one go.

[A]

100.

[B]

Yeah. And ultimately it's because you're like, this is my best friend. Like, yeah, you know what? He puts clothes next to the hamper instead of in the hamper. But like, I'll move it to the hamper for him because he's my best friend. No big deal. Or like you with me. Like, oh, she. What annoying things I do.

[A]

There's a lot, I mean, I don't know where I.

[B]

She clips her toenails on the bathroom mat.

[A]

I don't care about that.

[B]

I don't care about that because she's my best friend. Yeah.

[A]

I think the weird stuff you do is kind of funny, actually.

[B]

What do I do?

[A]

Gives you some personality.

[B]

What do I do?

[A]

You've, like, really evolved as a. As a human.

[B]

You've changed a lot.

[A]

So much.

[B]

Looking back at old videos really reminds me of that.

[A]

Yeah, you've really changed, and I think it's been cool to watch you become just a better version of yourself. Like.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I think. I think the version of you that I have now, I think is, like, the best version yet, honestly.

[B]

That's so nice.

[A]

So, yeah, I've seen you, like, put in work and, you know, show up for me in ways just over the past, this past year that, like, have really meant so much to me. So I think. I think that you're actively, like, pouring into our marriage and actively just. You're a really good mom. You do so much for our kids. You do so much for me. You do so much for your. For your friends and our community. So I just see you putting in the work and I feel grateful that I get to be married to you.

[B]

That's so nice. I feel the same way. I really do.

[A]

Thanks.

[B]

Now this is becoming too mushy. Gushy. Move on to the next one.

[A]

Next one. I think that's it. Was that all five?

[B]

Another one?

[A]

Oh, you have one more. Wait, do I have one more?

[B]

You should.

[A]

Oh, here's my last.

[B]

Only at eight.

[A]

Number nine for me is it's okay to go to bed angry.

[B]

We talked about this.

[A]

We talked. I know two of these, two of mine were in the list, but just go to bed. Just go to bed. And you're not going to have all the tension that you. That you have at 1am built up in the morning, but actually talk about it. Don't just ignore it. Don't. Don't just sweep it under the rug, like, actually have a conversation and resolve. But I think if you're just, like, letting things escalate and you're both tired and things build, then you start just getting into this crazy territory. Well, where you're. You're both not in a mentally good spot. So, yeah, go to bed angry. It's fine.

[B]

I finally. I finally lowered my flag or raised my flag of surrender. Okay. My last one is keeping score.

[A]

This one I'm still working on keeping score.

[B]

It's so.

[A]

So don't.

[B]

Easy to do. Yeah. This is things I've messed up. And so I'm, like, learning. And I feel like that especially becomes easier as you enter parenthood, but it starts before you have kids, and that is something That I, like, still struggle with. It is really hard to not keep score.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's just never, ever, ever going to end up even. Like, one day, one's gonna be ahead, one day the other is gonna be ahead. Like, it's just never gonna end up even. And then it's. If you. If you're both doing that, it will just always cause conflicts. It's the same thing, like, tit for tat. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, if you just look at marriage as like, I'm just trying to out serve you and you are out trying to out serve me, that is the best setup for it. Because we're just both, like, leaning on each other and it just feels like we're both, you know, feel so loved. So that is something that I can't say that I've mastered even after 10 years. So that will be maybe my next goal for the next. For the next decade.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

So that were. That was the 10 things that we have learned from 10 years together. To wrap up this episode, this is the part that I was cringing about.

[A]

What?

[B]

So when we first got married, we made a video on the wedding night. Like, after we got back from our reception in our hotel room. We're still, like, in our wedding dress and you're in your suit.

[A]

Yeah. This was July 6, 2019.

[B]

And we have this video that we recorded. I don't even know why we did this, because at this point, we had never done social media at all. Like, we just did this purely just to have documentation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just to have us. We have since posted the video, but we made a video for ourselves, like, for our future selves from the night, like, from literally just an hour or like, hours after getting married and, like, officially, you know, being married. And it was really cool. I always say, I'm so glad we did that. And I'd always give that advice to other people, to just make a video to your future selves. Like, on the night that you, like, your emotions are so high. Like, your love is so big. You just made this big vow and commitment entered into it with so many other people, like, witnesses present. Like, I think it's a great thing to do that we just kind of did by accident. Like, it was definitely your idea that you like, like, let's do this. And I'm so glad that we have it. But in that video, this is when we say that we really. We really change a lot. But in that video, we made, like, a goal for our future selves or, like, a message to our future Selves, like, something to look on. And my goal to my future self was to, quote, not be so overpowering and dominant. Wow.

[A]

I want to know context now.

[B]

Why did I. What happened?

[A]

Where did that come from?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I guess that's up on YouTube. Like, I guess that's how our producer found that.

[B]

Maybe that was from some, like, premarital counseling.

[A]

I have no idea.

[B]

Where did that come from? Also, maybe I was just being a controlling. Do you think that I have met that goal? You know, I feel maybe I still am overpowering, dominant. That needs to be my refreshing goal for the next decade.

[A]

I mean, the, the, the marriage advice I always get when I meet an old married couple is happy wife, happy life.

[B]

So, so I don't know, be like,

[A]

I just, you know, if, if mom is happy, everybody's happy.

[B]

Here's the thing. If you would have asked me today, like, what did you say for your, Your future self on your wedding night? I would not have guessed that. I'm telling you, I would not have guessed that. Oh, I have. The turns have tabled. I'm just kidding. What was yours?

[A]

Mine was to focus on, Focus my life on people and relationships and not worry so much about business and providing. Because I think, I think for me at that time, I was very focused on how to make young marriage work financially.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, stressed about how we were going to afford rent and food.

[B]

Well, you also grew up with your, like, your dad had job insecurity growing up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so you were kind of probably like, trying to, like, you're coming from that background.

[A]

I was like, over correcting for that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And honestly, I think it's still, it's still something that I, like, I struggle with, like, this, like, relentless pursuit of, of, of more. I think, like, the goal posts always move in life, and so I think that's still something that's a challenge for me. And at the same time, like, I, I. Something that gets me excited about, you know, waking up in the morning is, is dreaming of different.

[B]

Different creative, very driven individual, high achiever.

[A]

I'm, yeah, I'm passionate about whatever it is that I'm working on in the moment, whether it's music, whether it's our podcast, YouTube videos, TikToks, you know, whatever. This mascara company that Abby launched could not be more proud of her. But, yeah, it's just like, I, It's. It's still something that I struggle with because I, I want to make sure that I'm like, creating space in my life for for, for relationships. And honestly the. I think the best way that, that like I've change to be more people oriented and relationship oriented is just through fatherhood because I think I have such good bonds with our boys and I'm just excited to be a part of their life as they get older and see how their passions play out. Whether it's a sport or something in the arts. I'm just excited to be a part of whatever that is for them. Yeah. I guess what I'm saying is like my, my closest people in my life are just my family.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I guess we should end by saying what would we like to say to our future selves today, for the next decade together?

[A]

Oh goodness. Just keep going. Just take things day by day.

[B]

My piece of advice is I would say really work on just like that companion, companionship, love, like work on being best friends and yeah, because I just think the more I learn about marriage and relationships is that like friendship will really carry you the furthest. And I feel like so much of our early relationship was just like so much passion and I think that there's like a place for that. But I also just think like in the long term, like so many life can hand you so many circumstances and that passion can feel shallow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But like deep friendship will like, I think that will like endure like the long term and like weather a lot of storms. So yeah. Thank you guys so much for listening. Get yourself a mascara if you can. If, if the link is there then I think you should shop it. And also if you would like to leave a review on this podcast, it is so, so, so appreciated. We seriously can't thank you enough. We have a lot of hands that help us. Well actually a few hands that help us with this podcast but they work really, really, really hard and we are really a tight knit operation over here. So it means so much to all of us when you give us five stars. Like heart. Share Comment all the things. And so I want to read this Review from Lauren page 03. So so kind. It says thank you. I can relate to both of you so much and that is why I love listening to your podcasts, watch your YouTube videos and tick tocks. My husband and I also got married in early 20s living in Springfield, Missouri and also experienced a miscarriage in January when I lost our baby. This podcast helped me heal and not feel so alone, especially with becoming pregnant again at the end of March. You guys are amazing and I can't thank you enough. Thank you so much Lauren and so sorry to hear about your loss, but also congratulations on the new pregnancy.

[A]

100.

[B]

Such a hard journey. And I wouldn't wish it on literally anybody, of course. Ever. Ever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But we are so happy for you and proud of you for moving forward with this grief that you have now, too. So, anyway, thank you guys so much for listening to this podcast. Thanks for tuning in every single week. And here's to another decade together.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Here's for another decade, baby.

[B]

Love ya.

[A]

Love you, too.

[B]

Okay, thanks, guys.

[A]

See you.

[B]

Peace.