The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby
Episode: "Answering Our Most Asked Questions"
Date: October 22, 2025
Hosts: Matt & Abby Howard
Theme: A candid Q&A episode addressing listeners’ most frequently asked questions on family, relationships, parenting, grief, and personal growth, with a special focus on their recent miscarriage and its impact.
Episode Overview
In this heartfelt and intimate Q&A episode, Matt and Abby Howard answer their listeners’ most common questions about parenting two young boys, marriage, personal routines, handling loss, and navigating life’s unplanned moments. The episode is structured by topic—family, relationships, random queries, and, in a deeply honest segment, their experience with miscarriage.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
1. Family and Parenting (03:00–19:29)
Halloween Costumes & Parenting Little Ones
- The Howard family is not organized enough for an elaborate family Halloween costume:
"If we do, it’ll be like the week of. We Amazon Prime ship something." – Abby (03:30)
- Their boys are currently obsessed with Hulk and Spider-Man.
- Humorous stories about kids changing their minds about costumes and how a friend "recorded video evidence" to keep their 3-year-old’s costume choice consistent (04:12).
Life with Two Under Two (05:55)
- The couple agrees that having two kids under two is "very much so" stressful, but the struggle is worth it:
"Yes, it’s hell for a year but then...they have a built-in best friend." – Matt (06:22)
- They discuss the biggest challenge: conflicting nap schedules and rapidly changing developmental stages.
Parental Rage (08:00)
- They don’t usually experience "parental rage," instead expressing more amusement and mild frustration.
- Matt recalls yelling in pain when his hair was pulled, emphasizing the importance of apologizing to children and modeling humility (08:29):
“As a parent, you need to show your kids that you can make mistakes.” – Matt (08:59)
Homeschooling Thoughts (09:40)
- Their approach is currently a twice-a-week homeschool co-op with friends, focused on play-based learning and basics like letter tracing (10:23):
"Learning at this age is mostly through play...but we do have a little curriculum with our friends." – Abby (11:07)
- They use the ABC Mouse app, which public schools also use.
Family Mealtime and Quality Time (13:50)
- They eat together as a family, despite the chaos of toddlers who don’t stay seated (14:09):
"They are very mobile and love to...just get distracted.” – Matt (13:58)
- Quality time is often all together, but they value one-on-one moments (16:17).
Sibling Dynamics
- Griff and Augie are "definitely little besties," but typical sibling squabbles do happen. They have developed trade and turn-taking strategies to encourage sharing (18:12).
2. Relationships & Marriage (19:29–30:04)
Advice for Young Couples Wanting Kids (19:57)
- Matt encourages not waiting for "perfect readiness":
“There’s something about having a family that just makes you work your ass off...Let that be a motivating factor.” – Matt (20:32)
- They acknowledge their own privilege of being financially stable but remind listeners there is no guaranteed security.
Best Advice for Newly Married Couples
- Both recommend premarital or regular counseling and finding community with other married couples (22:32):
“Having other couples to surround you...uplift your marriage and unity.” – Abby (23:01)
On a Good Sex Life (25:04)
- The pair joke about "secrets"—frequent intimacy, open communication, and using "position cards" for fun (26:45):
"The cards can be fun. Position cards." – Matt (26:49) “Sometimes it’s really fun when we laugh when we’re in the bedroom…It doesn’t have to be a movie." – Abby (27:17)
Knowing Each Other Was "The One" (27:55)
- Both describe each other as their best friend and express the natural fit of their marriage.
"Everything I was thinking of down the line, like, you were in it.” – Abby (28:04) “Our friendship was so strong…a no brainer to get married.” – Matt (28:09)
3. Random Questions (30:10–47:02)
Coping with Grief and Dark Humor
- They openly acknowledge using dark humor as a current coping mechanism (30:28).
“I put blush on to look happy today.” – Abby (31:00)
Pros & Cons of Tesla (31:16)
- They love the electric aspect, full self-driving, and contemplate going solar (32:28). The main con is limited space in the third-row model.
- Matt considers their post-loss reflections have made family feel more valuable than ever (33:47):
“You realize how valuable our children are to us. There’s nothing greater in this life than our family.” – Abby (33:47)
Dream Vacation & Grief Milestones (34:40)
- Abby wants to plan a special European trip as a way to mark their late daughter's due date, as a healing, family-bonding distraction (35:10):
"I would love something to look forward to…to counteract those dates.” – Abby (34:40)
Favorite YouTube Videos
- They cherish their wedding video and early married life content, calling it a time “when we were building the world we’re living in now” (38:17).
Living Elsewhere and Podcast Guests
- Matt confesses he’d pick California or Hawaii for better guest access, but Abby loves Arizona and the desert heat (40:41).
Favorite Podcast Episode
- Abby is most proud of their episode on miscarriage, calling it "an exhale" and a needed commemoration of their daughter’s life (41:42 – 42:12).
Achieving Goals & Staying Present
- Matt wants to build a half-pipe for his sons; Abby prefers focusing on the journey, not goals (43:15).
- Tips for staying present include limiting phone usage, being intentional about screen time, and embracing simple daily routines (44:05–46:48):
"If you’re struggling as a parent with staying present, examine your online behavior." – Abby (46:03)
4. Grief and Miscarriage (48:12–76:10)
Matt’s Grieving Process (51:20)
- Matt shares that antidepressants have helped him process grief in small waves rather than overwhelming episodes (52:23):
“Because I’m on those, it really…has helped me a lot.” – Matt (52:23)
- Abby describes the pattern: moms grieve immediately, dads often hold things together and are hit later.
“Moms tend to grieve immediately…Now…it’s starting to hit you more and more in waves.” – Abby (52:04, 53:54)
Why Not Call It Stillbirth?
- Medically, Arizona defines miscarriage as before 20 weeks, stillbirth after. Their loss was at 17 weeks, but emotionally, the experience is "the same process" (58:07).
Positive Experiences Amidst Loss
- Community support and deepening empathy are highlighted as positives (59:49–61:11).
"The deeper I get into fatherhood, the more I understand why people rave about it so much." – Matt (61:04)
Impact on Marriage
- Grief has strengthened their bond:
"I feel like I’m trauma bonded to you even more now." – Abby (62:53)
Memorializing Their Daughter
- They have chosen a personal, private way to remember her, including an annual visit to a special place and a necklace for Abby (62:58–64:12).
Support Groups
- While they haven’t attended formal groups, Abby has created a network of other mothers. They recommend reaching out for shared understanding and ideas (64:40–66:43).
Advice for Supporting Those Who’ve Lost a Child
- They encourage friends/family to bring up the loss, rather than avoid the topic:
"Bring it up. It’s scary too…but they’re already sad." – Abby (67:20)
Handling Others' Pregnancies
- Abby avoids social media for now to protect her emotions, describing the complex feelings of joy for friends and the pain of exclusion from the "race" (68:21–70:24).
Telling Their Boys
- Their young children were told about the loss in age-appropriate terms. Their reactions included sadness and simple questions (70:30).
Sharing Medical/Personal Details
- The Howards keep medical specifics and their daughter’s name private, emphasizing healthy boundaries and self-compassion for those in grief (71:03–72:15).
Hopes for the Future
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They hope to grow their family again but are open about the newly complex feelings and fears involved in subsequent pregnancies (72:37–75:40):
“I don’t doubt for one second we’re going to have another baby. I don’t doubt it.” – Matt (75:19)
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The episode closes with plans for a trip, the ongoing process of carrying grief, and gratitude for their community (76:10–77:09).
Notable Quotes & Moments
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On surviving two under two:
“Yes, it’s hell for a year but then you get through that year and…your kids have a built-in best friend.” – Matt (06:28)
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On apologies as a parent:
“You need to show your kids that you can make mistakes.” – Matt (08:59)
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On staying present:
“Maybe have stricter boundaries with your online or your phone usage…you’ll find more fulfillment in just being with your kids.” – Abby (46:03)
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On the impact of loss:
“You just realize how valuable our children are…there’s nothing greater in this life than our family.” – Abby (33:47) “The deeper I get into fatherhood, the more I understand why people rave about it.” – Matt (61:04)
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On grief and marriage:
“Anytime you go through a trial, you’re either moving closer together or further apart…from the very beginning, we just were, ‘We have to cling to one another through this,’ and that has…trauma bonded us even more.” – Abby (62:08–62:53)
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Family/Parenting Q&A: 03:00–19:29
- Relationships & Marriage Q&A: 19:29–30:04
- Sex Life Discussion: 25:04–27:36
- Random/Fun Segment: 30:10–47:02
- On Grief, Miscarriage, and Healing: 48:12–76:10
- Closing Reflections and Gratitude: 76:10–end
Tone & Style
The entire episode is an honest, warm, vulnerable, and gently humorous conversation. Matt and Abby balance deep emotions with their trademark positivity and humility, often using humor and candid admissions to keep the conversation accessible and relatable.
For New Listeners
Whether you’re a parent, spouse, or someone facing loss, this episode offers comfort, solidarity, and practical ideas. The Q&A format covers a wide range of topics with authenticity and care, making it valuable for anyone seeking to understand parenting young children, nurture marriage, cope with heartache, or simply feel less alone.