Matt (1:30)

No, no, 14 weeks ago. We found it in January. January 20th was when we. We found out we knew.

Abby (1:36)

It's funny even experiencing that as, like. I mean, we did call it gender disappointment, but in a way, like, I feel like someone messaged me this, and it really resonated with me because she had, like, the exact same situation. She had two boys, and. And she lost a pregnancy of a baby girl and then got pregnant again with a boy. And she's like, she told me, explain to me why she doesn't feel like it's gender disappointment because it's fully attached to the grief of their lost pregnancy. And so it's not necessarily like Oh, I really wanted a girl, and I didn't get a girl. It's fully attached to the grief of that specific girl, which I feel like was a roundabout. Was a much better way of saying what I was trying to say in our previous episode. But that's the other thing, too. It's like, people that have gone through that type of grief. No. And people that don't, like, can only imagine what it feels like. But now at this point, like, what is it, 15 weeks out? Like, I'm just so. It feels so right. I'm so stoked.

Matt (2:32)

Like, yeah, that's a really good way of describing that. I think it is. It is more grief than it is. Like, it's totally grief.

Abby (2:38)

Yeah.

Matt (2:38)

Gender disappointment also. Gender disappointment, like, sounds so negative. It sounds so, like. I don't know, maybe sometimes it sounds

Abby (2:46)

too strong and shallow for what we were feeling 100%, if that makes sense.

Matt (2:50)

For me, it was probably a feeling that lasted for maybe a couple minutes,

Abby (2:55)

because let me tell you how I feel about it. I am very glad that I don't get to choose the gender of my baby. I'm very, very pleased about that. I want everything to just happen as it's meant to happen.

Matt (3:08)

Yeah.

Abby (3:09)

I think it's fun that we get to find out. And it's a surprise. I. I don't know where I'm going with that, but I'm just. I'm just saying, like, I'm really glad that I don't get to choose. I don't want to be able to choose.

Matt (3:18)

Well, it's. It's funny that we're talking about gender disappointment because, like, probably 500 of the 1, 000 questions submitted were about gender disappointment.

Abby (3:27)

Okay.

Matt (3:28)

And it was really sweet. Like, people in the comment section on our YouTube video announcing the pregnancy were saying, like, hey, it's okay to feel disappointment. It's normal. It's like, it's all right. But then some people were, like, speculating, and then other people were like, no, clearly. Like, you can tell.

Abby (3:42)

Speculating.

Matt (3:43)

Well, I think. I think with any. Like, no matter what happens, people are going to, like, have, you know, maybe assumptions they make. Right. But, like, then some people were, you know, like, watching the video all the way through, and they're like, no, they're clearly really happy with baby boy, Which. Which is the case. Like, we're.

Abby (3:58)

I mean, that's a risky run.

Matt (4:00)

So, so, so, so posting a fragment,

Abby (4:02)

a vulnerable fragment of your life.

Matt (4:04)

Yeah, we. I mean, look, we honestly open ourselves up to this. Like, we're we're posting our lives on the Internet, so I be okay with people commenting on our lives because that's. That's what we're doing. If we didn't want people commenting, we wouldn't be posting.

Abby (4:17)

But what I would say is that, yeah, I would say pawn for the reflection. I feel like disappointment isn't even necessarily the right word for it. Like, I really just think it was all attached to grief, but now it's just, like. So it's just excitement.

Matt (4:31)

Yeah.

Abby (4:31)

Stoked.

Matt (4:32)

It was. It was cool, though. I mean, like, pretty much all the people that asked if we were disappointed also said it's completely understandable.

Abby (4:39)

And I don't even think I am, though. I feel like it is just fully, like, just missing that. You know what I mean? So. But, yeah, that's nice that people say that. I don't feel that way. I feel stoked. Like, I feel really excited.

Matt (4:52)

Yeah. I think for me, part of it was like, your parents went through something similar, actually much worse than what we went through, and then they got blessed with you. So it was like, I think your mom. It was a way for her to have a daughter after she lost her daughter. And so I was kind of hoping we'd have the same thing, and we did it, and that's okay. It's interesting, though, because, like, for me, I grew up with two brothers. I'm one of three boys. So now that I get to, like, go through this, like, what my parents went through, having three boys, I'm so stoked. I took my brothers and my dad on a trip. You already know this, but I think people listening might not know. I took my brothers and my dad on a trip to Universal Studios, and this is before the gender reveal, but I told my parents, and I was like, dad, like, can you believe that I. I get to do this? Like, what. What you did. I'm gonna have three boys. And we were just chatting about it, and he was telling me about how people would tell him that he would have a golf foursome, which is where you have, you know, four guys all

Abby (5:51)

playing golf together, a baseball team. And I'm like, how many people on our baseball?

Matt (5:54)

No, there's. There's. Yeah.

Abby (5:56)

Or a basketball team or something. I guess three on three. Well, we got that.

Matt (6:02)

What do you mean, three on three? We have three on three.

Abby (6:04)

Basketball. We got one three on three basketball team.

Matt (6:09)

What do you mean we're gonna have three boys? Oh, I see what you're saying.

Abby (6:13)

Do you know what three on three is?

Matt (6:14)

I'm including myself in it because, like, oh, oh, oh. Because a golf foursome is like, oh, okay, four.

Abby (6:20)

I had never even heard of what a golf foursome is because you have,

Matt (6:23)

like, two golf carts, and then it's like, a group of people playing golf together.

Abby (6:27)

Okay.

Matt (6:27)

I'm not a golfer, though. Like, we.

Abby (6:29)

I do want to touch on what you said about, like, my. My sister, like, the situation. My parents had a full term stillbirth of a girl before me, and then they got pregnant with me, but they were actually told. What's interesting about that situation is that they were told that I was a boy.

Matt (6:45)

That's wild.

Abby (6:46)

Yeah, for, like. Like, from the anatomy scan to her growth scan. So, like, for. That's a good amount of time. Yeah, that they were like. And my mom remembers feeling disappointed because she was like, you know, she thought she was gonna. Same same situation, right? You thought you're gonna have a girl, then you like. Ours is a little different because we found out the gender the same, like, once we already knew that she had passed. So I don't think we experienced this the same way. And I think that's also why I didn't really feel, quote, unquote, gender disappointment. The way that most people feel it or I can feel it is because that news came, like, simultaneously. But what was I saying? Oh. And so she thought that I was a boy for, like, several weeks of her pregnancy, but then found out that I was a girl. So that in the very back corner of my head, like, after the first thing, I was like, it could be a girl.

Matt (7:39)

I see one of our. I see one of our boys sneaking in right now. Hey, what's up? We're. We're working, but we're gonna go to Disneyland in about. You want to sit over here? Okay. You can watch for a couple minutes if you want, but then. But you have to be really quiet. Okay. Oh, and now pretzels coming in, too. Pretzel.

Abby (8:00)

What's up, Yikers? Matt told me you could sit for one minute.

Matt (8:06)

Okay, you can sit. You can sit for a couple minutes, Augie. Okay, got it. You got to be super. You got to be super quiet. Okay? Oh, you want.

Abby (8:15)

No, you can't. You gotta.

Matt (8:16)

If you wanna say. Swinging the mic. You wanna say something? What do you wanna say?

Abby (8:21)

But yeah, so I was gonna say in the very back. Back corner of my mind, I was thinking, like, maybe. Maybe it still is a girl. And I think that this boy has done nothing but make it abundantly obvious that he is a boy.

Matt (8:38)

Yeah, I am.

Abby (8:39)

In every scan, which we have had so many scans this pregnancy. Like, I don't think people realize the difference between, like, going from, you know, your typical, like, three scans in a pregnancy.

Matt (8:50)

Yeah.

Abby (8:50)

To like, we had three scans before we got to the end of the first trimester. We have had so many scans.

Matt (8:58)

Yeah.

Abby (8:58)

I looked to the point where I literally asked my doctor. I was like, is this safe? Is this okay?

Matt (9:02)

Just cracking me up right now that our boys are in the studio listening into us.

Abby (9:07)

This date was ice cream date. And, yeah. Me and Griffin went on a couple dates this past.

Matt (9:14)

That's right. You guys went on two different dates together. Which. Which was a. Which was a blast.

Abby (9:19)

Uno, Dos. That's right.

Matt (9:21)

An ice cream date and a date to a show. Yep. So here's. Here's my only fear now. Like, now that we're having a third, I'm like, I. I know how close our two are right now together.

Abby (9:36)

I feel that. Yeah.

Matt (9:37)

It's like they're twins. People ask me all the time if they're twins. I don't want this third kid to get left out. So I'm like, we got to create. We got to create a buddy for this third kid as quickly as possible.

Abby (9:47)

Seriously.

Matt (9:48)

Yeah. And it. And we're just going to have to push through. We're going to have to just, like, muscle through the tough newborn stage. Muscle through, you know, maybe having two under two again. We can't do that. I think that would be. I actually don't even think we're, like,

Abby (10:00)

allowed to do that unless we have a V back.

Matt (10:02)

Unless. Unless we do the V back. But that's my only. The only thing I'm thinking about right now is, like, we got to make sure this third kid has a buddy.

Abby (10:09)

I know. I know. Because Griffin Nagi are such close buddies.

Matt (10:13)

Yeah. Okay, next question we have is.

Abby (10:18)

Wait, what was that question that was,

Matt (10:20)

Did I feel gender disappointment? Yeah.

Abby (10:21)

Okay. I mean, like, here's the thing. People. If people are going to weaponize that against me, then so be it. But, like, that's just real and honest and, like, stemming completely from grief. So if people have any. Was that. I didn't read the comments. Were they mad at me?

Matt (10:35)

Oh, no. Comments were great. Comments are great.

Abby (10:37)

I've been getting all defensive for comments I didn't even read.

Matt (10:39)

Okay, next we have what has been the most exciting part of your pregnancy by far?

Abby (10:44)

Feeling kicks. I could literally cry or not thinking about it. I don't want to cry.

Matt (10:49)

Every time it happens, you're like, come here.

Abby (10:51)

I know. And then that's literally the story of my life. Like, you have felt a lot of kicks, but like, he'll do something crazy and then I'd be like, feel this. And then it's like he literally is in there.

Matt (11:00)

Just like he just freezes when I put my hand on your belly.

Abby (11:03)

Yes.

Matt (11:03)

I've felt quite a few kids.

Abby (11:05)

Yeah, you have.

Matt (11:06)

I've felt a good amount. How do you maintain energy while still being a mom to other kids?

Abby (11:12)

You dig deep.

Matt (11:13)

Yeah.

Abby (11:14)

There's a reserve beneath exhaustion that you find. And once you get past, like the point where you're like, I really wanna take a nap. Once you push past that, it gets easier.

Matt (11:26)

I'll tell you what your secret power is. It's going to the gym.

Abby (11:29)

Yeah, I go to the gym. Also. Don't stop. If you sit down, you're screwed. That happened yesterday.

Matt (11:34)

Yeah.

Abby (11:35)

And then I could barely make dinner.

Matt (11:36)

And it's okay. I mean, like, you drink caffeine. It's still okay to have caffeine. You just got to stay under, isn't it? 200 milligrams.

Abby (11:42)

Yeah.

Matt (11:42)

Everybody might be different. You got to talk to your doctor.

Abby (11:44)

Well, everyone has their own opinions on that.

Matt (11:46)

Everyone has their own opinions. Know that we're not doctors, but I think.

Abby (11:49)

But the medical advice from our doctor is under 200. And so I do have a half caff coffee in the morning and usually diet soda in the afternoon.

Matt (11:58)

That's wild.

Abby (11:59)

So crazy. So crazy.

Matt (12:01)

Super crazy that you're doing that. What are your registry must haves from overwhelmed first time mom. Ah, this is somebody that like, has no idea what's even, like, get on the registry.

Abby (12:13)

Okay. Yeah, obviously, for as a third time mom. It looks so different. My sweet friends are throwing me a shower, which makes me so happy. And I feel, I honestly, like, why am I like this? Like, I feel guilty that they're throwing me a shower.

Matt (12:26)

Why do you feel? Yeah, why do you feel guilty?

Abby (12:27)

I don't know. I just like, no one go out of your way from your place. Seriously. Anyway, I just think about how blessed we've been. I'm like, I do not want to ever, like, I don't know, take from anyone. But I just asked, like, I was like, well, first of all, I said, no one get me literally anything. And then they say, put on their diapers and wipes, which I think is very, very great. And honestly, that's one of the only things you can really bank on as a first time mom.

Matt (12:52)

Yes.

Abby (12:53)

Is that you're gonna want diapers and wipes. Because every baby has their own preferences. Some things you think you'll use, you don't know how you're necessarily gonna feed your B, X, Y and Z. Oh, what binkies they're going to like.

Matt (13:03)

My recommendation is spend the extra money on the good diapers. Don't get the. The cheapest, you know, low, lower, lower on the totem pole.

Abby (13:11)

And every baby likes a different diaper or needs a different diaper because when

Matt (13:15)

we get the cheap, like, Target diapers, our babies would poop through those every single time.

Abby (13:20)

Like, are you talking about the store brand?

Matt (13:22)

Yeah, like the great value version or whatever. It. Don't. Don't do that because then you're going to have, like, so many poop stains in the clothes, constantly taking them out of their outfits.

Abby (13:31)

I would say I'm a huge fan of a swaddle, a good swaddle for when they're tiny, tiny newborns. You really like the Ollie swaddle. And. But this, this baby, we're using the new taking care baby swaddle, which I'm really excited about because it doesn't have Velcro.

Matt (13:50)

You've, like, met Kara, right? Like, aren't you. Are you in Kara? Friends.

Abby (13:54)

I feel like I would say I'm friend. I feel like she would maybe say, too.

Matt (13:57)

I don't know.

Abby (13:58)

Really, I don't know. But yeah, I did have to refrain from kissing her on the mouth when I first met her.

Matt (14:03)

She did. She did, like, save our lives.

Abby (14:05)

She did.

Matt (14:06)

When Griffin was not sleeping at, like, through 10 months. We did.

Abby (14:09)

We're like, what do we do?

Matt (14:10)

We did her course.

Abby (14:11)

I'm really excited about her new swaddle, though, because there's no Velcro. So when you're, like, trying to change them at night, they can stay because, you know that Velcro in the middle there, it's like. Like they're waking up. It's, like jarring. It's silent. But it gets so tight too, though, and it's so comfy. So I'm really excited about that one. You just need a good swaddle, really Get a sound machine sleep tent. I mean, we're a fan of the sleep tent when they get, like, a little older. So the slumber pod.

Matt (14:38)

Yeah, when they're a newborn, they don't need that. But the slumber pods are great when they get older because then it's like the. The lighting is consistent every time they have a nap.

Abby (14:46)

Get a car seat. We really recommend dunas. We love Dunas. We're going to Be getting a new one because we use the heck out of it.

Matt (14:53)

You know what?

Abby (14:54)

I can talk about baby products forever.

Matt (14:56)

The slumber pod can be annoying to set up and tear down, but I do think it makes our kids nap longer. Or it did now, like, we. We've actually grown out of that. Our youngest doesn't even use sleep tent anymore. We've graduated at almost three years old. But I think we are bringing it to Disneyland though.

Abby (15:13)

Here's what I'm doing differently. This baby. I am gonna. Whenever we do use a bottle, I'm gonna use glass bottles.

Matt (15:19)

Yeah.

Abby (15:19)

Yep.

Matt (15:20)

That's good. Why? Wait? Why?

Abby (15:22)

Why glass bottle, no plastics. I'm just kidding. I also just think it makes sense if you're warming up something and putting it in plastic.

Matt (15:31)

I see. Oh, yeah. You're. You're kind of like on an anti plastic kick recently.

Abby (15:34)

Just a bit.

Matt (15:35)

You watched a documentary about plastics, didn't you?

Abby (15:38)

Well, think about. You're heating it up in plastic.

Matt (15:40)

I was gonna heat up my frozen peas in the plastic and you were like, absolutely not. Put that in a dish.

Abby (15:46)

I was like, just put it in the dish.

Matt (15:47)

You smacked my ukarate chop.

Abby (15:48)

No, I didn't. Yeah, I will do glass bottles. I also just feel like they're probably easier to clean, like, because you can get them hotter. And I don't know. I feel like this is a hard thing for me to conceptualize right now is having a newborn.

Matt (16:04)

What is.

Abby (16:05)

We haven't. We have done zero prep, if that's not obvious already.

Matt (16:09)

Thank you to Wayfair for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. If you guys like our coffee table, guess what. It's from Wayfair.

Abby (16:16)

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Matt (16:28)

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Abby (16:33)

Living in a warm climate, we spend a lot of time outside.

Matt (16:37)

Oh, yeah.

Abby (16:37)

So it's really important that we have a comfortable space outside where we can enjoy the sunshine. That is so essential.

Matt (16:43)

We should probably look into more pool furniture from Wayfair. We need some pool chairs. We need, like, an umbrella. If you're in the same boat as us, definitely consider Wayfair.

Abby (16:52)

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Matt (17:15)

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Abby (17:29)

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Matt (17:39)

This is from Amy in the uk. What is the number one thing you would do differently the third time around? For me, it's chill the F out.

Abby (17:49)

Yeah.

Matt (17:50)

Like. Like it's not that big of a deal, you know?

Abby (17:53)

Yeah.

Matt (17:53)

Something as simple as your kid, your baby crying, like, wait 60 seconds and if they stop crying, like, you don't need to rush it. Like the second arcade. I remember when you were. You were so anxious as a new mom.

Abby (18:05)

Yeah.

Matt (18:06)

You were. You were like, our kids gonna die. And then, like, I would sprint, like

Abby (18:12)

our second to crack me.

Matt (18:14)

I was just. And it just like, my nervous system was, like, fried. Like, I was just constantly sprinting.

Abby (18:20)

I think it was me.

Matt (18:21)

I was like, run to go soothe Griffin. Like, every second he made a peep, it's like he might have just gone, like. And it's like, oh, my gosh, what's that? Like, you know, just so. Just chilling. Chilling the f out, I think, is what we've learned. And I. And I think you kind of have to, like. I think it's impossible to be that on edge.

Abby (18:39)

No, you will.

Matt (18:40)

Three children, four children. Yeah. You will literally die. And so there's, like, been funny clips I've seen on the Internet of, like, how parenting looks like when people have like three kids or four kids and someone could be like, well, I also

Abby (18:52)

think the gift of, like, past experience. So now I feel like we know what different cries sound like. What are ones that are, like, alarming? Like, we're gonna sprint for that.

Matt (19:02)

Yes.

Abby (19:02)

Even for, like, our kids now. Like I told Abigail last night at family dinner, I was like, oh, no, it's gotta be a little louder before we, like, before we go upstairs, like, and intervene. Like, you know, now you have like this experience. You're able to distinguish. Whereas, like, every sound our kid made, even if it wasn't even a cry, was like the most, like, 100% alarm for us. At least early on. Like, I'm in a very different place now to introduce a newborn than I was with both of our first two. Just the way that my community looks like where we're living, like, all the friendships I have, like, I have. Like, when we think about it, when we had our first, none of our friends had babies.

Matt (19:42)

Yeah.

Abby (19:42)

I didn't have any friends that were moms. We had no family out here. We didn't actually really know anybody out here. And so now it just looks so different. And I will just never take that lightly. Like the support and friendships and just. Yeah, we just have roots now. And that feels. That feels like that has just eliminated so much stress. Because I honestly feel like a lot of that. That anxiety. I mean, I don't know if it was like, diagnosable anxiety, but like, that. That on edge every first time. Parents going to feel that to some degree. But like, you talking about, like, your nervous system always being activated, like, that's not going to. I don't think that that could possibly be the case this time.

Matt (20:24)

Yeah.

Abby (20:25)

Because of just our, like, circumstances being so difficult.

Matt (20:27)

Our next question is just when is the kid born?

Abby (20:32)

Well, when the kid wants to come would be the best answer. But we're anticipating probably like the first week of August.

Matt (20:40)

Yeah.

Abby (20:40)

His due date is August 11th.

Matt (20:42)

Yep.

Abby (20:42)

And right now we are waiting to hear news from our doctor, but we're probably likely going to have a scheduled C section and they do those like, the week before. So the first week of August, probably any.

Matt (20:54)

This is from Camille. She wants to know if you have any insane pregnancy cravings.

Abby (21:00)

No, just everything.

Matt (21:03)

What? Like, what do you mean, just everything?

Abby (21:05)

Every food item.

Matt (21:06)

You want to eat it all.

Abby (21:07)

Yeah.

Matt (21:08)

You throw it down.

Abby (21:10)

Gosh dang it.

Matt (21:10)

I'm impressed.

Abby (21:12)

What are you talking about?

Matt (21:13)

I'm impressed.

Abby (21:13)

I feel like my hardest time of day, I get really, really hungry, like around lunchtime. But where it's really hard is like, it's really hard to stop eating at the end of the day to like, call it. Like, I just want to keep eating and eating and eating and eating.

Matt (21:28)

You have some, like, really interesting food hacks for, like, eating, like, like eating to. To be full, but then like managing like, the health side of it. Like, I've. I've picked up. Cause I'm. I'm. I was on a cut recently. I was trying to cut weight and cut seven. Cut seven pounds. And part of that was using Abby's hard boiled egg method of just having hard boiled eggs for breakfast.

Abby (21:51)

That really stems from, like, Having a very big appetite and, like, also not wanting to spend a lot of time preparing food. I'm like, I want to get the things that are going to make me the fullest the fastest.

Matt (22:02)

Yeah.

Abby (22:02)

And keep me fullest the longest.

Matt (22:04)

Yes.

Abby (22:05)

Yeah.

Matt (22:06)

This next one, how's Matt handling mood swings if any arise?

Abby (22:10)

Okay, okay, okay. I actually want to say this because we did that gender prediction, like, fun old wives tales video, which totally was not meant to mislead people. This is literally, I went exactly as my symptoms. But the little caveat here is that I have been pregnant four times, and three of them have been boys. One of them has been a girl. And I will tell you, my symptoms have been the same every single time, like, to a T. Now, I know other people experience differently, but for me, I've had the same symptoms every time.

Matt (22:39)

So you're telling me the wives tales don't actually work?

Abby (22:43)

I don't think so. I think that the only. I mean, in my experience, they haven't. I will say, but our ultrasound tech that has done so many of our scans, I asked her about them. I was like, have you found that any of them are, like, actually consistent? She was like, first of all, I think the heart rate one is bogus. She's like, that. There's nothing that could possibly relate to that. But then she's like, the only thing I do believe is that if you have heartburn, that your baby will have a lot of hair.

Matt (23:07)

Interesting.

Abby (23:07)

Because she's like, the moms that report the biggest heart, the most heartburn. I see, like, the most hair on an ultrasound.

Matt (23:13)

Interesting.

Abby (23:14)

Which I will say, I feel like our babies haven't really had a lot of hair.

Matt (23:17)

I realized they could, like, see, and I don't. I didn't know they could see hair. In the ultrasound that's this week.

Abby (23:24)

We're doing a whole echocardiogram for the baby.

Matt (23:27)

Oh, my gosh. Is that Friday?

Abby (23:28)

Mm. Wow. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, I wasn't trying to mislead anyone. Like, they. Like, someone at my gym was like, so, what are you having? And I'm so excited. I was like, this is before we had announced I was, like, having a boy. And she's like, oh, I see what you did there. I was like, no, I wasn't trying to do anything. That's literally the symptoms I've had. But on that video, I said that I was moody, but I actually kind of want to recant that. I feel like I haven't been that moody. I feel Matt's the Only one that can be the judge of that, though.

Matt (23:57)

No comment on that.

Abby (23:58)

Okay. Don't be honest. Seriously, I can take it.

Matt (24:02)

No comment.

Abby (24:03)

You think I've been moodier than normal, though?

Matt (24:06)

I think. I think you've had to be more resilient because you are. You have two boys like you. You can't, like. You can't just, like, sit back. So I think you've just been like,

Abby (24:16)

go, go, go, go.

Matt (24:17)

Getting things done for these boys.

Abby (24:18)

You can say I've been less.

Matt (24:20)

You've been resilient, and you've been. And you've been an inspiration.

Abby (24:29)

Thank you, Matt.

Matt (24:29)

That's how I inspired me every day, dude.

Abby (24:31)

That's how I feel every single day.

Matt (24:33)

I tell you all the time, thank you for growing my babies.

Abby (24:35)

You do? Honestly, no. I will say that I don't feel as emotionally unstable as I have previous pregnancies, but, you know, that's probably therapy. When you really think about it more than hormones or anything, I think.

Matt (24:53)

I think the. The longer we do this stuff, we just get smarter, you know?

Abby (24:57)

I do feel more teary, like, than when I wasn't pregnant. Like, I feel like I'm pretty quick to get teary.

Matt (25:04)

Oh, yeah.

Abby (25:05)

Do you think that.

Matt (25:07)

Yes, yes, I saw. I saw. I do pay, you know? Yeah. No, you did. I'm thinking, like, my brain's on a different planet right now because I'm thinking about Alex and John, who we've had on the podcast before. They posted a video about, like, when. It's. When it was something about, like, when

Abby (25:23)

we just started liking each other. Yeah.

Matt (25:25)

Yeah.

Abby (25:25)

Like, everyone's asking about baby number two, but we just started liking each other. Yeah, that's funny.

Matt (25:29)

I thought that was so funny. Because it's relatable, you know?

Abby (25:33)

Yeah. Maybe I'm naive, but I feel like by the third time, you're kind of just, like, you already are anticipating certain things.

Matt (25:41)

So I think when, like, life is easier, it's just easier to not, like, bicker and, like, fight over, like, the stupidest crap with.

Abby (25:49)

Yeah. You're like, that's just how they.

Matt (25:50)

With your loved one, you know? Yeah. So.

Abby (25:53)

But I will say, I'm so curious with baby number three, I've been so interested in this whole birth order thing, and I'm always fed videos now of, like, ever wonder why your third baby is so chill and happy? And it's like, because they're a gift for surviving your second, which I will say our kids quite literally follow birth order pretty, like, to a T. Yeah. And I don't mean that in, like, a condescending, stereotypical way, but, like, they just follow those patterns. Like, neither of our kids are cautious, though, so that's why I'm kind of like, what about that? Our first is definitely more cautious than our second. So, anyway, I'm just, like, so curious because I keep telling Matt that this guy's gonna be so chill. But also, this baby has been extremely active.

Matt (26:42)

Our second is so resilient. I mean, he can just fall. And, like, I've seen him, like, actually get hurt before. He just, like, gets back up and acts like nothing.

Abby (26:51)

He doesn't say anything.

Matt (26:52)

He's so tough.

Abby (26:53)

He just, like, rubs it.

Matt (26:55)

Yeah.

Abby (26:55)

And then he moves on.

Matt (26:56)

Like, our dog could, like, scratch him. And I'm like, ooh, that's not good. Let's get Pretzel away from him. And he's just like, will not.

Abby (27:03)

Doesn't come.

Matt (27:04)

Like, I see other kids that happen to, and they'll be like. They just freak out. Like, they act like they're dying, and Augie's just like, I'm fine. It's a little. It's a. It's merely a flesh wound.

Abby (27:14)

I know. That's what happened. He had. They both had scratches. And I was like, yeah.

Matt (27:18)

What do you. Okay. What do you do about this? Because it makes me so upset when our dog does, like, scratch them, or sometimes they'll. They, like, boarding school. I know. We're. We're going to. We're taking her. We're getting her trained more, but I think it's just part of it. Like, you can't stop.

Abby (27:33)

She's a puppy.

Matt (27:34)

She's a puppy. She's just trying to play. She doesn't mean to hurt them. She's never, like, actually hurt them. It's mainly just like, a scratch. I know, but a playful. A playful bite, which, like, is basically just like a. A. A glorified scratch. But I don't like it, though.

Abby (27:50)

I know. You just gotta put her outside.

Matt (27:52)

Yeah. I also catch pretzel licking Augie's face, and Auggie just busts out loud.

Abby (27:57)

Oh, they love her. They're fine. They're fine.

Matt (27:59)

Pretzel is like one of Augie's.

Abby (28:01)

She's just a puppy.

Matt (28:03)

Yeah, she's. She's fun to have around. If your baby could inherit one personality trait from each of you, what would you choose?

Abby (28:10)

Okay, well, I'm gonna choose the personality trait from you that I would want the baby to.

Matt (28:14)

Me, I'm going to say your personality, I think.

Abby (28:16)

What does that mean?

Matt (28:18)

You're in your entire personality. You make these, like, big. You do these big, like, Lucille Ball, like, facial expressions, and the boys pick that up from you. I think, like, yesterday, Griffin woke up from his nap, and he was. He was yeah, making just, like, pouty

Abby (28:33)

face, and I had just done that face. And then he wakes up from his nap. He goes. And I was like, I wonder where he gets that.

Matt (28:41)

The apple doesn't fall apart from the tree. Yeah.

Abby (28:45)

For you. I would like to. I would love for our kids to have, like, your creativity and your passion.

Matt (28:50)

Thank you.

Abby (28:50)

Yeah.

Matt (28:51)

Yeah. I think. I think you are. You're. You're, like, very social. Maybe, like, you're social. You're, like. You're so much more social than me. I'm social, but then, like, here's my problem is I'm. I'm very, very social on the front end. But then, yeah, like, I'm out of sight, out of mind, baby. So, like, if I'm not, like, in the same room as you and, like, seeing you, I kind of just, like, sometimes I can just forget that you exist.

Abby (29:17)

They always introduce everyone that comes in our house. They're like, hi, this is. And they, like, introduce everybody. There's very, like, friendly.

Matt (29:25)

I love that they. I really love that. They also will go up to random people and kindly ask if they can pet their dog. I think it's so funny. Griffin does that every time we're at the park and a dog walks.

Abby (29:35)

And then they'll be like, what's their name?

Matt (29:36)

He stops everything and goes and asks people what their dog's name is. Ask if he can pet the dog.

Abby (29:41)

They love having people over to the house. They tell me every day. They're like, I love having when. I love it when people come over. Like, which people come over very often. They love.

Matt (29:50)

Yeah.

Abby (29:51)

So I think they are social, and I think they are gonna be very creative and passionate. Auggie for sure, is very passionate.

Matt (29:56)

Thank you to Rocket Money for sponsoring this portion of our podcast. I haven't checked our Rocket Money subscriptions in a couple months, and I know that we have some that we need to cancel.

Abby (30:05)

Cancel. We certainly do.

Matt (30:07)

Rocket Money, if you haven't heard of it, makes it so easy to find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. You can do it all within their app. Gone are the days of using spreadsheets and doing all this, like, meticulous math work. Like, Rocket Money just makes it easy for you to see what's coming in, what's going out. And then when you do have those unwanted Subscriptions, you can just cancel them.

Abby (30:25)

That is so important to us because I feel like just living in 2026. Everything is a subscription, and a lot of them just get added on without your knowledge. And so we routinely go into Rocket Money and just seamlessly cancel those ones that we aren't using because they track your subscriptions and you have the ability, like Matt said, to cancel within the app. With just a few taps, saving users over $880 million in canceled subscriptions, you

Matt (30:49)

can set budgets and goals, get personalized insights and regular reports. You also receive real time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances, which I find that super helpful. It's kind of like your personal financial buddy.

Abby (31:04)

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com Unplanned that's RocketMoney.com Unplanned Rocket Money.com Unplanned do we have.

Matt (31:22)

This is from Sophia. So excited to hear your Halloween costume ideas for three boys. Oh, yeah. We should do, like, an epic Halloween.

Abby (31:31)

Well, one of them is basically gonna be a jelly bean.

Matt (31:33)

Okay. Come on. Let's figure out our family costume this year.

Abby (31:38)

Yeah, like two months old.

Matt (31:39)

What do you think? We gotta figure it out. What are we doing? Minions.

Abby (31:42)

We gotta figure it out right now. What if this is literally the lat.

Matt (31:45)

The what if you're Scarlet Overkill. I'm Flurb. Isn't it Flurb?

Abby (31:49)

No. Victor.

Matt (31:50)

Victor Slurb. No. Gosh, I'm forgetting the name. No, I think it's. I think it's Scarlet Over. No, Victor is from the OG movie. The new Minions movie. Yeah. If our boys were like that.

Abby (32:03)

It's not flirb. It's certainly not flirb.

Matt (32:05)

I swear I'm looking it up right now. It's the Minions movie with Scarlet Overkill. Minions.

Abby (32:10)

And then our kids be Minions. Why am I gonna be Scarlet Over.

Matt (32:14)

I'm right. This is Flerb right here. That guy Herb. Herb.

Abby (32:21)

You.

Matt (32:25)

That would be funny. If our kids are Minions, we have like, a little baby newborn minion. And. And you're Scarlet Overkill.

Abby (32:31)

I feel like we need to go back to the drawing board or what

Matt (32:34)

I wanted to do last year. I. You would look so hot in this outfit. Is the. Is. Is Black Widow.

Abby (32:40)

Two months postpartum, and then Joking, right?

Matt (32:42)

You would look so good. And then I would be Captain America. I gotta hit the gym a bit more, but I could be Captain America. Auggie would be Hulk. Griffin could be Spidey, and then maybe Newborn is Ant Man.

Abby (32:54)

Here's the thing. We're gonna be exactly whatever our kids want to be. And the problem is, is that they're probably not going to be coordinated themselves.

Matt (33:02)

We also did kind of do like last year.

Abby (33:04)

We had Slinky Dog with the Hulk as the tail.

Matt (33:07)

That's true.

Abby (33:08)

Let's remember that. Let's remember the type of planning that went into all of our Halloween's past.

Matt (33:13)

But. Okay. Halloween got inappropriate, though, because Slinky Dog's head fell off. And then it looked. It just looked mildly inappropriate. It just looked like a massive wiener, is what it looked like, Matthew. Because there was no. Yeah, it was weird.

Abby (33:24)

Anyway, so we're just not here. Here's the thing. Don't expect much from us from Halloween. It's just.

Matt (33:31)

Come on.

Abby (33:31)

That you follow other families for that. You don't follow us for that.

Matt (33:36)

Everybody. Everybody. An aesthetic.

Abby (33:39)

We don't. We don't have that. We don't do that. We just have fun and we go trick or treating. And I wish we. Trust me, I. I have mad respect for the families. I do.

Matt (33:48)

Augie's really been into Iron Man.

Abby (33:52)

I guarantee that Augie will be some type of superhero or bad guy. Probably Darth Vader, honestly. And Griffin will probably be. What is he. Would he be. He'd be a dinosaur. We're gonna have Darth Vader and a dinosaur, and then whatever we want this baby to be.

Matt (34:06)

Next up, we got. How do you prevent stretch marks?

Abby (34:09)

I don't.

Matt (34:10)

I mean, I use to, like, rub, like, this oil.

Abby (34:13)

I do rub oil on my belly, but I've also heard that that doesn't help.

Matt (34:17)

Like, it's not proven to do anything.

Abby (34:20)

Yeah, I'm sure you could. Here's the thing. If you really want to prevent stretch marks, I think that you could do some serious research and find out what to do for that.

Matt (34:29)

Huh.

Abby (34:31)

It's just never been something that I really have gotten ahead of. I have them.

Matt (34:38)

Yeah. Didn't you look great?

Abby (34:40)

Thank you. I have them and they don't bother me, so I don't really. Like. I do try to moisturize my skin a lot.

Matt (34:46)

You know what's crazy is the further you got from your C section, the more the star, like, faded and faded and faded.

Abby (34:52)

Oh, that's.

Matt (34:53)

And then when you got pregnant. Yeah, this is switching subjects. But then when you got pregnant, I feel like this the line darkened again.

Abby (34:58)

Darkened again. Why is that hormones in your skin?

Matt (35:01)

Oh.

Abby (35:02)

Or not your. It's not the hormones in your skin, but it's your hormones. So, like, when I got pregnant. No. No. So here's the thing. I had, like, my stretch marks, my purple. When I was pregnant. Kind of purple. Like, darker, reddish purple. Then when I wasn't pregnant, like, the further out I got, the more they would fade to, like, white.

Matt (35:20)

Mm.

Abby (35:21)

And then I got pregnant again, and immediately I was like, maybe I don't have stretch marks anymore. They all stood out again because they got, like, more purpley again.

Matt (35:29)

Yeah.

Abby (35:30)

So, yeah, I mean, I have them. I try to just moisturize my skin. I use oil on my belly. But I just. I'm not. I'm not super convinced that they've moved the needle a ton. So I'm hesitant to, like, recommend anything. I honestly just think it's something that I'm just like, yeah, that's gonna happen. Mbd.

Matt (35:50)

This is from Jessica. Does Matt put the right amount of ice cubes in your drinks?

Abby (35:55)

Now you do, but I think it's because every single time I button it by saying, three scoops.

Matt (36:03)

Three scoops. It's now no longer a metric of cubes. It's a metric of scoops because we have pebble ice maker, which, by the

Abby (36:11)

way, sometimes you still do. Four scoops.

Matt (36:13)

This might be kind of crazy that I'm saying this, but I've also enjoyed regular ice. Now, again, what.

Abby (36:24)

I'm really glad you came out.

Matt (36:25)

And not that I just. I think someone needs to say it. Because you use pebble ice enough, it starts to. It loses the. The.

Abby (36:33)

Matt, stop. That is such a hot take.

Matt (36:35)

Then you got to go back to the. The thicker cubes, and the thicker cubes, you know what? They don't melt as fast. You actually even use the regular. You use the freezer. No, but you use the regular ice cubes in your iced coffee in the morning.

Abby (36:46)

Because my coffee's so hot, it's gonna melt it so fast.

Matt (36:48)

That's what I'm saying. Because then when I put in.

Abby (36:50)

But I want my water warmer than my coffee.

Matt (36:53)

But when I put in cold pebble ice into my iced coffee, the pebbles just melt away, and then it's all watery. It's watered down. Yeah, you gotta. You need. You need differentiation in your ice cubes.

Abby (37:04)

Right. There's a different ice cube for every occasion.

Matt (37:06)

Matt, what are your honest thoughts about being one of three boys? So I guess this one is for me.

Abby (37:12)

You loved that.

Matt (37:13)

I did. Love it. That's the crazy thing is I kind of envisioned what we're having now for our family before we even had kids.

Abby (37:20)

I kind of did too, though. Like, I. Before we had kids. I don't know if you could ever find the footage where I'm like, I feel like we're gonna have all boys.

Matt (37:26)

Why? Yeah, why did I. And I kind of wanted to have three boys. I thought to be kind of. Because I just like grew up with that. I thought it'd be kind of fun to run it back. And then. Then I didn't want to run it back because everything we went through and then now I'm like, oh, I guess

Abby (37:39)

we still have our daughter.

Matt (37:41)

Yeah.

Abby (37:41)

But just not like we wanted to.

Matt (37:44)

Yeah. Yeah.

Abby (37:46)

But yeah, having three boys feels very appropriate for us.

Matt (37:51)

Yeah.

Abby (37:53)

I accept. I told you yesterday, I was like, matt, I feel like I'm kind of girly. So, like, what are we doing here?

Matt (37:57)

You like, you were saying you do all this fancy stuff, like with your hair, your makeup.

Abby (38:02)

And I'm like, girly things.

Matt (38:03)

And I'm like, you're really hot too. So I feel like that has to count for something.

Abby (38:07)

I do think girl moms are just so much more fashionable and trendy than boy moms. So I'm going to have to just have to outsource some of that. My nieces will help me out.

Matt (38:18)

Yeah. What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?

Abby (38:19)

Brielle and Vivian will help me.

Matt (38:22)

Yeah. You know, it really was stuck in my head that like you just keep having this like the same gender and then. And it kind of. Why did it threw me off. That our brother and our sister in law, that they have one of each.

Abby (38:35)

I think you're still processing that.

Matt (38:36)

I'm still processing that. I can't believe it. Postpartum question. Have you experienced postpartum rage? And if so, how did you handle it?

Abby (38:49)

Yeah, probably. I just went crazy. You know, I feel like you have this gift of postpartum with where you have this like brain fog. It's not good. But it is also a gift in a way where you kind of like forget, like there's this amnesia. Now. There are some iconic moments postpartum with specifically our second that brought me to my niece that haven't exactly worn away yet. They're pretty fresh. So. Yeah. I think we have been very explicit. First of all, when you're preparing for. When we were pregnant with Emerson, we were already very explicit about like, okay, this is what we need postpartum, both of us. But Specifically me, like, what I need postpartum. And then now we've continued those same conversations. Like, I've been more explicit about, like, what I need as far as, like, oh, I'm going to need, like, this amount of recovery time. I'm going to need this amount of, like, you know, outsourcing this help with older kids. At this point, I need help with the baby in this way. Like, just, like, kind of getting on top of those conversations, because I think it's really hard with, like, your first and your second because they're both big transitions, like, where, like, it's pretty different. Cause you. You know, you've never had a baby before, and then you've never had a baby with a toddler.

Matt (40:17)

Yeah.

Abby (40:17)

And I know that having a baby with two toddlers will be different, but we have this, like, you know, past experience under our belt. It gets a little bit more, like, certain aspects of the second were easier, but certain aspects were way harder, especially cause I had a C section versus a vaginal delivery. And so now we just. Now we have a lot more experience to build on. And our tool belt.

Matt (40:37)

You are.

Abby (40:38)

But to answer that, I feel like, yeah, I definitely had some explosive moments postpartum that I will always feel a little bit like, wow. First of all, I feel. I feel, like, ashamed of them. And second of all, I feel like, wow, how did that even happen?

Matt (40:55)

I think that I tell people. I mean, like, we have friends right now that are going through postpartum, and I just feel bad for them. It's just not, like, it's not good for anybody, you know? No. No one is like, I don't know of anybody. That's like, postpartum is my favorite. It's my. It's the best.

Abby (41:11)

I do know people like that.

Matt (41:13)

Are you serious? Oh, okay. Well, the newborn bubble man. What did they. What did they do differently?

Abby (41:20)

Maybe they had a chill baby.

Matt (41:22)

Oh, okay. Yeah, it probably. It does change things when you got, like, a baby.

Abby (41:26)

Like a. I feel like the. I do see a common theme of, like, a fussier, colicky baby.

Matt (41:32)

Yeah.

Abby (41:32)

Makes for a very different postpartum experience.

Matt (41:34)

Yeah. Yes.

Abby (41:36)

And, like, people that we know that have struggled more have a fussy, colicky baby.

Matt (41:42)

Yeah.

Abby (41:43)

So, yeah. Your whole range can be. I just keep telling myself we probably couldn't have two colic babies in a row.

Matt (41:49)

Yeah.

Abby (41:50)

Please never. I hope I never have to stitch this. And it's like another screaming newborn constantly.

Matt (41:59)

Okay, okay. No shade or judgment, but how long did it take you to process the miscarriage? And Try again.

Abby (42:10)

That is such a loaded question, because I just. I feel like taking the process that's almost insinuating that there's, like, some type of finish line for this type of thing.

Matt (42:21)

Yeah.

Abby (42:22)

And I definitely tried to front end a lot of, like, the processing of, like, that I could early on by just, like, eliminating all distractions and just, like, sitting with my thoughts and feelings, doing a lot of journaling, a lot of walks, a lot of just quiet and a lot on my own. But then also a lot of, like, talking with other people and in therapy, too. But there's only so much of that you can front end. Like, I feel like recently there's been a new wave of, like, grief that's happened. And, like, I told you, like, literally yesterday, I was like, I did not expect this to happen right now. And it's not like, yeah, it's not like me getting pregnant was like, okay, I did it. I'm done. I did the processing. We're ready to move on. It's like, I just made peace at the, like, very early on that this was gonna be probably a lifelong grieving process. Now, do I think grieving and processing your emotions are the same thing? I don't know, but I'm kind of putting them as the same in a way. Early on, after losing her, we knew that we wanted to.

Matt (43:28)

Yeah.

Abby (43:28)

Like, that was, like. Our main goal was, like, to have, like, a redemptive pregnancy experience. And that's a good word. But they were, like. It was in isolation. It wasn't like this was part of our healing for Emerson, like, yeah, in a way, it does help that. But it wasn't like, this was, like, our big solution because we fully. We got pregnant with this baby with our fourth pregnant. You know, we got pregnant this fourth time fully understanding more than ever that we could lose this pregnancy.

Matt (44:02)

Yeah.

Abby (44:03)

And that is just a totally different experience, you know? But then you still do it.

Matt (44:10)

I feel like you. I mean, there's nothing wrong with feeling done. Like. Like being in so much pain that you can't move on after that. But I think redemption was a really good word that you used. It definitely felt redemptive. It felt exciting. I think it wasn't. What was unexpected for us was the pain not going away, the fear not going away. And I guess that's just something that,

Abby (44:37)

like, I will feel. I will not feel like, good. And until baby's here, until we're holding him.

Matt (44:44)

Yeah. Yeah. How many weeks are you. That's a. That's another question people are asking by

Abby (44:50)

the time this comes out, I'll be 25. Right?

Matt (44:53)

Wow. Yeah. Because tomorrow's 24. When this comes out, it'll be a week from now, so, yeah, it'll be 25 weeks. That's so close. Oh, my gosh. Tomorrow's week of viability.

Abby (45:04)

Yeah.

Matt (45:04)

24 weeks. That's amazing. Wait. That's so good.

Abby (45:07)

Yeah, it is good.

Matt (45:09)

That must feel awesome.

Abby (45:10)

Yes and no. I mean, we had a missed miscarriage. We didn't think anything was wrong.

Matt (45:14)

Yeah.

Abby (45:15)

But yes, it definitely does. The fact that I can feel movements and start to, like, gauge that, that feels really good. Thank you to Blissey for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. People always talk about silk pillowcases, but why? Yeah, they're cooling. But there are so many other benefits for your skin and hair. I switched to a silk pillowcase 18 months ago. Now, I have seen amazing benefits in my hair and in my skin. The major benefit to me is I don't want to use heal heat excessively on my hair every day. And I feel like with a silk pillowcase, there's so much less friction. So it helps my hair keep its style way better. Way less frizz.

Matt (45:51)

And Abby has really good hair. Come on, look at. Look at how lovely that hair is.

Abby (45:55)

And I also feel like with my nighttime skincare, it's not absorbing it like my old pillowcases were, and therefore allowing my skin to receive the benefits of it so much more. And that's exactly why blissey created a 100% pure mulberry silk pillowcase made of the highest quality quality 22 mamey silk materials.

Matt (46:13)

That's a fun word to say. Mame. 22. 22.

Abby (46:16)

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Matt (46:51)

Another question I saw come up a lot is names that we like but won't be using for this baby.

Abby (46:59)

We didn't really have any backups.

Matt (47:02)

You Know what's funny is we had. We had an entire, like, list. We had, like, a book of names.

Abby (47:07)

Oh, do you want me to read my baby names that we don't even like anymore? Like ourselves?

Matt (47:11)

Yeah, because, like, I want to say at one point, we liked the name Lily, you know, and that one just, like, completely still like it, you know? Completely Lily.

Abby (47:19)

Where did that come from?

Matt (47:20)

I think we liked the name, like, Oliver.

Abby (47:22)

We love that name.

Matt (47:24)

And then that name. Like, we haven't even talked about that name. Then. Then there was Emmett. Like, you really liked the name Emmett for the longest time.

Abby (47:31)

Well, we have our girl name already. Loc. We ever have a girl. A second girl. You know what I mean?

Matt (47:37)

Whisper to me. I forgot what it is. Ah, yes, but see, even that girl name that you just whispered to me, that was something that you came up with, like, in the past six months. That. That.

Abby (47:46)

These are our list of names that we've had since we were in high school.

Matt (47:50)

What? Okay, wait. Read them. That's actually so fun.

Abby (47:53)

No.

Matt (47:54)

Oh, no, don't read them.

Abby (47:55)

Okay, well, one of them. The names that we, like, considered. Okay, can I also just say, like, I'm not. I don't want to offend anybody. We like all these names still. We're just not using them.

Matt (48:03)

Yeah.

Abby (48:04)

Quincy.

Matt (48:05)

Quincy. That's where you're from.

Abby (48:06)

That was an old name.

Matt (48:07)

Abby's, you know, hometown.

Abby (48:09)

Hometown. Quincy. Finley.

Matt (48:12)

I still really like that name. I would love the name Finley for a girl.

Abby (48:15)

Okay.

Matt (48:16)

I hope that we might use that for a girl.

Abby (48:18)

We might use that. So I guess we're just giving our names that we might also potentially be using. Which is fine, because you know what? They're out there. We didn't come up with them. We once liked the name Emmett a lot.

Matt (48:30)

Wait, why did that change for you? Like, you convinced me of loving the name Emmett. And then that one just like.

Abby (48:35)

Oh, you still like that one?

Matt (48:36)

I do.

Abby (48:36)

Okay, that one's on the table. It could be. Maybe we haven't locked this name in like we thought. One time we said Luca, but now I feel like maybe not anymore, because it's been used a lot.

Matt (48:45)

Luca was not good.

Abby (48:47)

News is that Griffin was on our list.

Matt (48:48)

Griffin.

Abby (48:49)

Griffin is on this list, but no Griffin.

Matt (48:52)

You said the name Griffin, like, right after you were pregnant for the first time.

Abby (48:57)

I liked the name Rad for, like, boy number three or four. But you didn't like it.

Matt (49:02)

Why do I not like that one? Sorry. Which I still offended someone that named their kid Rad.

Abby (49:07)

We like the Name Sloan.

Matt (49:09)

Gosh. See, this is stupid. We got in trouble. We like. Guys, there was a clip of our podcast. We were talking about, like, baby names being out of control. And, like, there were people that got upset.

Abby (49:17)

Yeah, I know.

Matt (49:17)

So I'm sorry.

Abby (49:18)

So why are we doing this again?

Matt (49:19)

We don't like your baby's name. You don't have to like our baby's name. We don't need to tell each other. But I guess you are listening to our podcast, so you're gonna hear us say, if we don't like your baby's name.

Abby (49:27)

I know. Here's the other thing, too. When people got really mad at us

Matt (49:29)

about that, it was about someone that commented on the video that we posted, but it wasn't our comment. And we also never saw the comment. Yeah, and then it got a lot of likes. Not by us.

Abby (49:40)

This is so rabbit. Holy. But what I was gonna say is that a bunch of people retaliated and told us that they hated the name Griffin.

Matt (49:45)

I know.

Abby (49:46)

And do you know how much that offended me?

Matt (49:48)

0.

Abby (49:48)

0. Because I like the name Griffin.

Matt (49:50)

I love the name Griffin. If you don't like the name Griffin, that's totally fine. Something's wrong with you.

Abby (49:54)

No, no, no. That's the opposite of what we're saying. It's not a judgment call on them.

Matt (49:58)

It's just like, I'm judged.

Abby (49:59)

It's called personal preference.

Matt (50:00)

I just think that they're silly for not liking the name Griffin. I think it's the best name, personally.

Abby (50:04)

You know what's really ironic is that anyone that has our kids names, I automatically love them. So, like, August on Beast Games, I was like, I have to root for him because his name is August and I love that name.

Matt (50:16)

Yeah.

Abby (50:16)

You wanna go through the rest of these really quickly?

Matt (50:18)

Let's hear them, baby.

Abby (50:20)

Sloan.

Matt (50:21)

Sorry, I don't like the name.

Abby (50:22)

Okay. Dang it. That one's a really good one. Ryder. I don't know. I don't think that one would be good.

Matt (50:26)

That could be Ryder from Paw Patrol is pretty sick.

Abby (50:28)

Well, that's also why I was like, maybe we don't use it anymore. I like these two names. But you didn't like them. Ferris. I kind of liked him.

Matt (50:36)

Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Abby (50:38)

I know. Okay. Dang it.

Matt (50:39)

Ferris Bueller. Ramsey.

Abby (50:40)

Ramsey.

Matt (50:41)

Dave Ramsey.

Abby (50:42)

You didn't like that one? You really like the name Fletcher?

Matt (50:45)

Let's just name our kid Dave Ramsey.

Abby (50:46)

You know, like the name Fletcher.

Matt (50:48)

I do love the name Fletcher. I would love to name a boy Fletcher.

Abby (50:52)

I put.

Matt (50:53)

Honestly, guys, we're this. I. If it weren't for Abby. You've basically picked out all our kids now. You basically pick them out, and then I just say if I like them or not. Because you picked some. That I was like, I spend more

Abby (51:05)

time thinking about it.

Matt (51:05)

You think about the names a lot.

Abby (51:06)

But, like, Fletcher Decker on there.

Matt (51:08)

I. Basically, the story of Fletcher is I set on. On a. Like, on a. On a ski lift next to this guy named Fletcher. And we were both snowboarding, and we chatted it up, and then at the end of talking, he was like, so cool. And I'm like, what's your name, dude? He's like, fletcher. And I'm like, I'm naming my son Fletcher. That's so sick.

Abby (51:24)

Okay. It's not off the table.

Matt (51:25)

Not off the table.

Abby (51:26)

Okay. I said Decker. And then this one is. This next one is our baby's name.

Matt (51:32)

Oh, yeah.

Abby (51:32)

So I guess I won't say it.

Matt (51:34)

We. Winner. That's actually. That was a question that somebody asked. It was, when will you be announcing the name of baby? When the baby's born. Okay.

Abby (51:45)

Right. I feel like when the baby's born. I have our girl name already. If we ever have a girl.

Matt (51:51)

Oh, yeah.

Abby (51:52)

And she's getting my middle name.

Matt (51:54)

Okay, see, now I'm sad.

Abby (51:56)

So you already gave that away.

Matt (51:57)

I'm sad that we just said the name Fletcher because I'm like, I really want to name a kid Fletcher. We can use it for this kid. No, we've already. We would throw everyone the F off because we've told all of our friends

Abby (52:10)

and family and our children.

Matt (52:12)

And our children. They'd be like, he. His name changed.

Abby (52:16)

No, I feel like they would think something else happened, which is bad.

Matt (52:20)

Oh, gosh.

Abby (52:21)

Yeah.

Matt (52:22)

That was actually. Okay, speaking.

Abby (52:24)

We gotta keep the name.

Matt (52:25)

Speaking of death, people were actually asking. I'm trying to find the question, but people were asking about how we've talked to our kids about death.

Abby (52:31)

Death.

Matt (52:31)

Because with the miscarriage, we told them that that happened. They were probably confused about what happened to Emerson.

Abby (52:38)

No, but actually, we've continued conversations just randomly, and I feel like they have a really good understanding of what happened for, like, a kid.

Matt (52:45)

But what's sad is the other day, this, like, two or three days ago, Griffin goes. He was talking about everything he wanted, and he was saying that he. He wanted everyone in our family to.

Abby (52:57)

For their bodies to not stop working.

Matt (52:59)

Yeah. Why. Why did you say that again? How did that happen?

Abby (53:02)

Well, I mean, it's appropriate for them to Know that, like, you know, life isn't forever and it's like a gift and we have to also take care of ourselves and be safe.

Matt (53:14)

Yeah.

Abby (53:15)

But we. We explained to the kids that when we lost Emerson that, like, her body stopped working.

Matt (53:21)

Yeah.

Abby (53:22)

And I also think that, like, part of the motivation for finding out the gender early this time and, like, deciding a name really early was because, like, I feel like we were introducing the kids to her at the time that we were, like, telling her that she'd passed.

Matt (53:37)

Yeah.

Abby (53:37)

And so, yeah, we were talking about the baby, and we call him by name all the time with the kids, and they're like. He was like, I really don't want his body to stop working. I was like, yeah, me too. I think. I think his body's gonna keep working and be really healthy. And he's like, yeah, like, Emerson, like, her body stopped working. And that was sad. Like, he talks to us that way. Like, we talk about her and, like, we miss her and we'll just always remember her. And it's, in my opinion, it's age appropriate for them.

Matt (54:08)

Yeah.

Abby (54:08)

But also, it. It does access the full depth of what happened.

Matt (54:12)

Do you think Emerson's soul came back with this new baby in any way? That's a question someone was asking.

Abby (54:19)

I don't think that. But if that's healing for other people to believe or experience, then, yeah, that's good. But for me, I don't.

Matt (54:31)

I like to think of, like, when I see a rainbow, it's her saying hi.

Abby (54:34)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too.

Matt (54:44)

Yeah. I guess we'll never know, but it's like, I'm gonna think about the happy stuff, you know?

Abby (54:48)

Well, here's the thing. Even if you don't believe in it in that way, you can just say like, or it can also just be a good reminder of her.

Matt (54:56)

Yeah. Rainbows have, like, a different meaning now. Yeah, they really do. Like, every time I see one. I just texted you pictures of rainbows the other day. Yeah.

Abby (55:02)

So cute.

Matt (55:03)

Did you see those?

Abby (55:03)

Yeah.

Matt (55:04)

I thought that rainbow was so pretty.

Abby (55:06)

I love when you do that. I really appreciate when you do that.

Matt (55:10)

Let me get you some tissues.

Abby (55:11)

Why am I crying?

Matt (55:13)

Cuz you're pregnant and you're a lady and you've been through some really hard things, all right? You've got every right to feel the way that you need to feel. This is. This question. It's like, so. It's like. It's like the perfect question right now. Are you guys doing all right? How do you. Are you doing all Right?

Abby (55:33)

Yeah.

Matt (55:34)

You are doing all right.

Abby (55:35)

Yeah.

Matt (55:35)

Why?

Abby (55:36)

I feel like there's just, like, this misconception, like, you go through something really hard and you're weaker, like, you're fragile. Like, you're, you know, you're broken. But, like, what people don't realize is that people have gone through grief, like, and, like, have gone through, like, tough things are stronger versions of who they were before. So, I mean, I will say that, like, I went into this pregnancy fully knowing that we could lose this baby, and it's not guaranteed. And I feel stronger because of that. This fear doesn't go away. Right. But I know that I can overcome it.

Matt (56:26)

Yeah.

Abby (56:26)

And so that breeds a new sense of confidence and a new strength, entering new situations. Like, you kept telling me, like, abby, it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. When I would, like, tell you with my fears, I was like, no, it could.

Matt (56:40)

Yeah.

Abby (56:40)

And that's why this is brave. And, like, saying that felt better than, like, it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. You know what I mean?

Matt (56:49)

It's always hard to know what to say in those moments.

Abby (56:52)

No, I. And I'm not. So you said anything wrong?

Matt (56:55)

Yeah. I'm like. I don't. Like, if you're needing comfort for me, I don't want to be like, well, yeah, this, like, you.

Abby (57:02)

Yeah.

Matt (57:02)

I wanted you to say, yeah, it's not going to happen.

Abby (57:05)

It's not going to happen. And at some degree. But I also just wanted you to realize, like, if you could just show me a magic ball and actually mean that it's not going to happen.

Matt (57:15)

Yeah.

Abby (57:15)

Then this would be a lot. This would require no bravery of me. You know what I mean? Because I would know that I'd have a guaranteed positive outcome. But the fact that I don't have a guaranteed positive outcome and I'm still choosing to do it again.

Matt (57:28)

Yeah.

Abby (57:28)

Is what's brave something that's, like, a

Matt (57:31)

thought I've been wrestling with is like, there's no guaranteed positive outcome for literally anyone.

Abby (57:36)

Yeah.

Matt (57:36)

There's no guaranteed possible.

Abby (57:38)

What a positive thought, Matt.

Matt (57:39)

What's. Just. It's. But I think that's, like, what makes it. I think just, like, life in general, like, it makes you great.

Abby (57:45)

We're celebrating the good things.

Matt (57:47)

To approach life through this, like, lens of positivity, through a lens of just, like, abundance and. And. I don't know, Al. Also just, like, fully taking every opportunity to live and. And do things and. Yeah. And. And not spend your life worrying. Not spend your Life in misery. Because it's like, you don't. You just don't know.

Abby (58:13)

Yeah.

Matt (58:13)

When your last day is. I could. I could die tomorrow. I have no idea.

Abby (58:17)

Wow.

Matt (58:17)

You know, so I. I was talking to a guy who. His, like, aunt or something got cancer and, like, died super quickly, and she had, like, been. Been a saver, and he was basically just, like, telling me to. To, like, not work as much. He was like. He was like, don't work as much. Go. Go, like, live a little bit more. Go have more fun, you know? Yeah.

Abby (58:44)

I feel like we've been living a lot. We live a good.

Matt (58:46)

Yeah, no, I think we are. I think, you know, we're taking the kids to Disneyland today.

Abby (58:49)

We do think that's good. And also, I know that's not for everybody, but, like, I feel like that has been, like, so good through this season of, like, loss and new pregnancy, like, knowing that life is still moving forward and we're not stuck on what happened in the past, and we're not anticipating what's happening in the future so much that we're at a standstill right now, like, having this busy, full life. While at times it feels like it's too much, but it's also just, like. It's just like we are living. We are living in the present. And that has just been such a good thing for me right now.

Matt (59:25)

Oh, yeah.

Abby (59:25)

Okay. I want to say this, too, because the mom's at. No, no. I had an anterior placenta with my second, so I didn't feel a ton of kicks early on, but he really, surely made up for it by the end of the pregnancy. That man could kick through that placenta like crazy. But I know that's not the case for everyone with an anterior placenta. It's probably just the case for people with an anterior placenta and a crazy baby. But this placenta is not anterior, so it's posterior. So therefore, I can feel kicks. I could feel kicks very early. I felt kicks at 17 weeks, which was just an amazing gift given our past circumstances with losing a baby at 17 weeks. But now I feel so, so many kicks, and it is just the most. Like, it just gives me so much joy. Like, I can feel him right now. Like, I feel him a lot.

Matt (60:20)

And I don't know.

Abby (60:20)

He's wild. He's a wild man. He's over a pound. He's ready to go. Thank you to Good Wipes for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

Matt (60:27)

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Abby (60:32)

I knew you wanted to say that.

Matt (60:34)

It's time to leave that dry, scratchy toilet paper in the past and show that beautiful booty it deserves. I can't believe we're saying that. That's hilarious.

Abby (60:43)

Oh wow. Good Wipes has created an actually flushable wipe. It is made with plant based fibers so they break down easily. They come in a variety of gentle scents such as rose water, shea cocoa, lavender and botanical bliss along with fragrance free for the unscented lovers.

Matt (60:58)

They just launched a collab with another one of your favorite brands, Olipop. Treat your butt as good as your gut. You can only find this new collab at Walmart.

Abby (61:08)

What an iconic collaboration when you really think about it.

Matt (61:11)

I love it.

Abby (61:12)

We genuinely use and love good wipes in our household. I think it's a great thing to have, especially with kids. We don't have the most thorough wipers and this definitely helps get the job done clean and safely for our pipes because we definitely do not want to ruin our plumbing.

Matt (61:27)

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Abby (61:42)

For more details, head to goodwipes.comUnplanned Again, that's goodwipes.comUnplanned Snag a free pack of Good Wipes from Walmart.

Matt (61:49)

This question kind of cracks me up. It says, how did you get pregnant after you told God no, with your iud? So if you just get an IUD out, then, then you can get pregnant again. It's that.

Abby (62:00)

Can I tell you, I feel like that's a really small view of God.

Matt (62:05)

Elaborate. Elaborate on that.

Abby (62:07)

You think if God really, if, if a God of the universe really wanted someone to have a baby and they're like, you're having one. It's like, oh, dang it, bro.

Matt (62:16)

What happened to Mary? Come on.

Abby (62:17)

They had it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Dang it. They have an intrauterine device.

Matt (62:24)

Oh no. The intrauterine device is blocking the power.

Abby (62:30)

Like, I mean, yeah, the God of the universe is not going to bow to an iud be like, dang it, she was meant to have one.

Matt (62:38)

I love. What's the saying that like, if you're, if you're doing natural planning, natural family planning, you're planning to have a family naturally Yeah, I think that's true. Everyone that I know that's done that

Abby (62:49)

has gotten naturally pregnant, I will say I don't think. I don't see a world where we use birth control again.

Matt (62:59)

We're doing Pole and Pray this next round.

Abby (63:02)

I think by the time you've already.

Matt (63:03)

Poland pray has not been effective for us, babe. That it did not work.

Abby (63:07)

We'll do other things. I think we would just do a more natural option.

Matt (63:10)

Okay. All right. This one is a little unhinged, but I'm just gonna, like, leave a blank where this person said a potty word. It said, do you still blank during pregnancy, Matthew James. And the answer is yes, of course. Why would you not?

Abby (63:25)

There's a lot of reasons why you would not.

Matt (63:28)

Okay.

Abby (63:28)

Do you think.

Matt (63:29)

Do you think. Do you think the intimacy is better during pregnancy or be honest?

Abby (63:34)

I mean, I think that's inappropriate to ask.

Matt (63:36)

You can just say it is. I mean, it's okay.

Abby (63:39)

I think it may be.

Matt (63:43)

I think the only challenge with, like, intimacy during pregnancy is as. When you get to the stage where the belly is in the way, where

Abby (63:51)

it becomes a logistical problem.

Matt (63:53)

Yeah. Like, it kind of limits you to activities, but you still find a way.

Abby (63:58)

You know, where there is a will, there is a way.

Matt (64:00)

That is exactly right, baby. And last but not least. Oh, can we do two more? This is actually good. It says, I want a third baby, but my husband doesn't. Any advice?

Abby (64:15)

That is so tough.

Matt (64:18)

What do you do in that situation? I actually have no idea what to say. I don't know.

Abby (64:22)

That's a really tough place to be in.

Matt (64:23)

Yeah. You can just bully him into. Into saying yes.

Abby (64:26)

No, no, no, no, no, no. I would say just.

Matt (64:30)

But then if you do that, then he could resent you.

Abby (64:33)

Have an open and honest conversation about where you're both coming from. And then I would say, let it rest for some time. Like, you both can sit on each other's thoughts and just let it rest for. I'm talking, like, a couple months. And then revisit the conversation and be honest about any changes both of you have come to. Because I do think you both should be on board for that. But I will say I don't think. I usually hear stories of people being like, I regret having this child.

Matt (65:02)

Yeah. You know, what's one name Matt likes that Abby hates? Just say it. You can just say it.

Abby (65:10)

I don't think I've hated any of your name.

Matt (65:12)

You don't hate any of my names.

Abby (65:13)

No.

Matt (65:14)

So then why. Why don't we Go with Fletcher for this kid.

Abby (65:17)

I don't hate it. In fact, I was very open to it. Right?

Matt (65:22)

It's okay. You'll come up, like, with a way cooler name for baby for the next baby. You know, whenever that happens. I think, honestly, you're really good at naming our babies. You've named all of the babies. If anybody needs any name suggestions, just holler at your girl right here. She's an expert. Name Baby name generator. You don't even need the baby generator apps. Just. Just talk to Abby Howard.

Abby (65:42)

No, I think you have to know your baby and know what's right. I feel like I'm just in tune with our babies.

Matt (65:48)

Are we going on a baby moon? Is that happening, man?

Abby (65:51)

Who's got the time?

Matt (65:52)

I want to go on one so bad.

Abby (65:53)

Kids so much, but.

Matt (65:54)

I know, but, like, come on. I. I think I can.

Abby (65:57)

We should do, like, two nights.

Matt (65:58)

Two nights. Somewhere tropical.

Abby (66:01)

Okay. Plan it.

Matt (66:02)

I'll plan it.

Abby (66:03)

Okay.

Matt (66:03)

I love baby moons. It's so much fun.

Abby (66:05)

It is.

Matt (66:06)

I love going to the spa.

Abby (66:07)

I want to.

Matt (66:08)

Just relaxing, just hanging out together, reading books.

Abby (66:12)

Do it. Okay. Let's do a baby moon.

Matt (66:13)

And then all you can. Come on. All you can eat. Luxury blessings. We also have what plans you have in place to manage postpartum anxiety and. Or depression.

Abby (66:25)

Something we have said that we're going to do differently this time is have nobody stay with us for X amount of time. I think we said the first month.

Matt (66:36)

Wait, no. This is genius. So this is how this is. We're dumb guys, and we. We just had, like, a bazillion people at our house when Abby was freshly postpartum last time. I think that was just, like, way too much for you. I think, like, we were hosting people.

Abby (66:49)

I thought. I think it's what I thought I wanted.

Matt (66:51)

But really what you wanted was everyone out of the house. Just you, me, and the newborn. That's it.

Abby (66:56)

Yeah.

Matt (66:56)

That's all you wanted. And so this time, what we're doing is we're only going to have Abby and me and our newborn, and we're sending the boys to be at grandma and grandpa's for a few days. And that way we can just focus on each other.

Abby (67:09)

They're not going to be gone. Wait, wait. You got to resay that.

Matt (67:11)

Talking about, like, a couple days.

Abby (67:12)

Yeah, for the first few days at home. And then we'll see them all day during the days and then. But just, like, at night, just me, Matt, and the baby to bond and really, like, intentionally, like, get bonded with this Baby.

Matt (67:25)

And that way.

Abby (67:26)

And then for the first month, we're not gonna have anyone stay at our house.

Matt (67:30)

And that way I can, like, fully focus on you, except our family needs and everything that you need, and you can focus on the baby. And so that way everyone's being taken care of.

Abby (67:40)

Yeah. Yeah, I think that'll be good. Because I feel like I. I thought that that's what I would have wanted both times, and turns out I don't think that's what I actually wanted.

Matt (67:52)

So if you had any funny moments this pregnancy? Anything. Anything funny?

Abby (67:59)

Oh, yeah. I mean, just the fact that every time we go get an ultrasound, this baby won't show his head, but he'll show his private parts.

Matt (68:09)

Yeah. Why do they bring up the privates every time?

Abby (68:11)

This baby, like, is gonna be a funny baby.

Matt (68:14)

Yeah.

Abby (68:15)

Also, just the fact that, you know, when you're pregnant, there's some funny things that happen with your body.

Matt (68:21)

Yeah.

Abby (68:22)

It's all natural, but it's funny. Like the constant peeing. Peeing my pants.

Matt (68:26)

That is part of it.

Abby (68:29)

Tooting.

Matt (68:32)

You've been dropping some bombs in the car. It is smelly. And why. Why don't you just say something? Can you just be like, just red alert. I. I just absolutely, absolutely ripped ass in the car. Like, why don't you just say that? Why do I have to, like, discover it through my nose? I'm like, someone die.

Abby (68:50)

I like it because I'm. Sometimes I, like, want to get away with it, and then so I don't say anything. But,

Matt (68:57)

yeah, there's no getting away with that.

Abby (69:00)

And it's just funny, too, just like, sometimes just sitting there with this big old belly and just being like, oh, oh, what are we doing?

Matt (69:10)

Well, everyone, thank you for tuning in for yet another episode of the Unplanned podcast. If you have not already subscribed, please, please subscribe. We're trying to get to a million subscribers this year, and we need your help. We're gonna pick one of the subscribers, one of you. It's gonna, like, all of you are gonna be entered, like any. Anyone that as a subscriber will have the opportunity to. To be picked in. In the. In. In the, like, giveaway. We're going to do a giveaway, I think, for one of our subscribers.

Abby (69:39)

Maybe don't ask. So you know what you're doing.

Matt (69:41)

Yeah, we still need to figure out what the giveaway is. Everyone go subscribe right now to the Unplanned podcast. But, yeah, we're just like, we're so thankful for you. Guys, this community is awesome. And it's just, it's been, it's been like a lot of fun doing this show for three years. The more subscribers we get, the bigger the guests, the cooler the interviews, the better the episodes. So thank you. I hope that you've enjoyed spending time with us today.

Abby (70:06)

Yeah, we love you guys and thankful that you're going along on this journey with us. I know a lot of people that have started listening are also parents that have experienced loss and are maybe navigating a new pregnancy or have already done that or are like just so many things. So like, sometimes they can feel really isolating to just embark, on, you know, this new journey. Or you feel misunderstood in ways or you feel like you're moving. Like, I feel like sometimes I'm like, the thing is like, oh, you're moving on. Then you feel misunderstood. I don't know all these things, like, just say, like, you're not alone in what you're going through. And I hope that this podcast could be. It would be an honor to me if this podcast could be a small reminder that, like, we're not alone and that maybe you don't know anyone in your small in person community, but just like online, like, you know someone that has the same experience as you because I get that from you guys. So that's a long winded way to say, like, really grateful that we have a safe place to be vulnerable like this and that you're listening.

Matt (71:20)

We love you guys. We'll see you in the next episode. Peace out, dudes.

Abby (71:24)

Peace out.

Matt (71:25)

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