Podcast Summary: The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Episode: Growing up Duggar, 19 Kids and Counting, and cutting my dad out of my life w/ Amy Duggar King & Dillon King
Release Date: December 10, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features an open and vulnerable conversation with Amy Duggar King—known from "19 Kids and Counting"—and her husband Dillon King. Amy shares her unique experience as the Duggar cousin, discusses growing up on the outskirts of the famous family and the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) subculture, and speaks candidly about setting boundaries in toxic family relationships, including cutting off her father and distancing from her famous uncle Jim Bob Duggar. The episode delves into themes of healing, boundaries, generational trauma, and self-acceptance, while also exploring funny and sweet anecdotes from Amy and Dillon's marriage and parenting.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Amy's Duggar Identity and Show Involvement

• Amy’s entry into the show: She recounts being pulled "by accident" into the TV world, unexpectedly joining a filmed scene at her grandmother’s house (05:17).
• Contract confusion: Amy signed a contract without legal advice, trusting her uncle Jim Bob—which resulted in her receiving no payment for her recurring appearances and being obligated to show up for filming on short notice (06:16–07:48).
  • Quote (Amy): "What I signed was no payment at all… and that I would just film whenever they needed to be." (06:44)
• Amy’s label: She was branded “Crazy Cousin Amy” on the show, unexpectedly discovering this title on the TV screen (14:36–15:25).

2. Life on the Fringe: Family Dynamics & IBLP Teachings

• Amy's upbringing: Explains the contrast between her “normal” upbringing and her Dugger cousins, emphasizing her mom’s decision to keep her out of IBLP (Institute in Basic Life Principles)—a fundamentalist Christian group with strict rules about gender, behavior, and separation from secular society (09:48–11:53).
  • Quote (Amy): "They don’t teach the word abuse... They literally teach that women should stay meek, mild and silent." (09:48)
• Surface-level relationships: Despite spending time together, Amy describes her relationships with her cousins as surface-level, with little space for deep vulnerability (13:29–13:56).
  • Quote (Amy): "It wasn’t really heartfelt… We never really talked about the things we were struggling with." (13:39)
• Outsider status: Amy was considered “the wild one” for wearing jeans and having a bubbly personality (14:29–15:25).

3. Coping with Family Judgment and Boundaries

• “Out of wedlock” introduction: Amy shares how her uncle would introduce her as having been born out of wedlock, attaching a label of “sin” to her identity (21:53–23:24).
  • Quote (Amy): "There, there. They’ve got such a wonderful life. And I’m just like, hey, I’m just a wild card over here." (23:24)
• Navigating two worlds: She reflects on feeling different and how her choices—wearing jeans, participating in “normal” life—felt transgressive in the Duggar context.
• Observing dysfunction: Amy describes witnessing family pain in both the Duggar world (through silent suffering) and her own home (through her father’s abuse).

4. Breaking Toxic Cycles & Healing

• Cutting out her father: Amy reveals years of emotional abuse from her father—controlling behavior, threats of violence, and destruction of belongings. The couple ultimately made the difficult decision to permanently cut her father out of their lives for their own safety and the well-being of their child (45:16–86:36).
  • Quote (Dillon): "I’m not going to let that into my own life… we asked him straight up… you’re not welcome at our house." (85:33–86:13)
  • Quote (Amy): "If someone tells you over and over how they want to end your life... you cannot, you know, threaten my life. That’s not gonna work." (86:36–88:17)
• Boundaries with the Duggars: After multiple family scandals and repeated dishonesty from Jim Bob Duggar regarding abuse and legal investigations, Amy and Dillon decided to block Jim Bob and distance themselves from most of the Duggar family, except for cousins like Jill who broke away (41:00–62:17).
• Generational trauma: Through faith, therapy, and strict boundaries, Amy and Dillon have worked to break cycles of trauma and abuse and ensure a healthy environment for their son (42:57–43:55).

5. Highlighting Scandals, Family Secrets, and the Role of IBLP

• Three major scandals: Amy references Josh Duggar's offences, the Ashley Madison leak, and an unnamed “devastating, disgusting” event as the backdrop to family silence and denial; details were kept from Amy and Dillon, with Jim Bob offering implausible explanations (56:25–58:40).
  • Quote (Dillon): "Homeland Security doesn’t show up randomly because they’re confused on where they’re at." (58:18)
• The price of honesty: Speaking out about abuse and dysfunction, Amy has encountered shunning and “closed doors” from much of her extended family, but she remains open to reconnecting with cousins who want authenticity.

6. Reclaiming Her Voice, Friendship with Jill Duggar, & The Healing Process

• Support from Jill Duggar: Amy describes her close bond with cousin Jill, how they now have a genuine family-like connection, and mutual encouragement in redefining their faith and personal choices—such as wearing pants and getting tattoos (37:18–40:28).
  • Quote (Amy): "Cousinship is so much fun. Like, we can joke around and laugh... It’s such a different way of living compared to really what we had growing up. And so it’s actual, like, true family." (39:54)
• Relief in authenticity: Amy shares the freedom of finally being herself, not fitting the IBLP/Duggar mold, and the acceptance she’s found in new relationships and her marriage.

7. Amy & Dillon’s Relationship, Marriage & Parenting

• Meeting Story: Amy and Dillon met at a bar and became best friends for six years before dating. They describe the comical culture clash of introducing Dillon to her extended Duggar family (30:03–34:05).
• Their wedding: Out of respect for the Duggars, the wedding began conservatively, but once the music switched and the bar opened, all Duggar relatives left en masse (72:29–75:24).
  • Quote (Dillon): "We had the DJ come on and say, everyone, we’re going from classy to trashy in about five minutes." (73:24)
• Parenting & healing: Amy stresses that a big part of becoming a gentle and present mother was her commitment to healing her own childhood wounds before having a child (97:13).

8. Messages of Hope, Boundaries, and Support

• Amy encourages listeners in similar situations to rely on faith, trust their instincts, and believe in their right to peace and safety. Her book, Holy Disruptor, has already helped readers recognize the need for boundaries and escape abusive relationships, as evidenced by messages she’s received (106:26–107:33).
  • Quote (Amy): "Looking at the people in your life and being like: who is healthy, who is loving me, who makes my heart feel happy? Those are the people that we should have in our inner circle." (108:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being labeled “out of wedlock”:
  "My uncle used to be like, this is Amy, and she was born out of wedlock."
  — Amy Duggar King (01:29, 22:00)
• On the IBLP’s teachings:
  "They don’t teach the word abuse... They literally teach that women should stay meek, mild and silent."
  — Amy Duggar King (09:48)
• On being the “wild” cousin:
  "My title on the show was Crazy Cousin Amy... I had no idea because I’m not wild and I’m not that crazy."
  — Amy Duggar King (14:36)
• On boundaries and healing:
  "If someone tells you over and over how they want to end your life... you cannot, you know, threaten my life. That’s not gonna work."
  — Amy Duggar King (86:36)
• On leaving family relationships:
  "You block toxic people, no matter if they're friends or family... Family can also be chosen."
  — Amy Duggar King (88:51–89:32)
• On reconciliation:
  "No, the door is always open. And it’s something that I would literally welcome if they want to have a real, you know, heart to heart conversation."
  — Amy Duggar King (93:30)
• On hope for her father:
  "I would say that my life is at peace now. And I don’t have any, like, bad, hard feelings toward him. I just... I wish him all the best, and I hope that healing is possible and hopefully his life."
  — Amy Duggar King (108:34)

Important Segments & Select Timestamps

• Amy’s intro as “born out of wedlock”: 01:29, 22:00
• On shiny happy people/IBLP: 03:07–03:51, 09:48–11:23
• Amy’s accidental TV debut: 04:19–05:37
• Filming without pay: 06:16–08:33
• Family surface-level relationships: 13:29–13:56
• “Crazy Cousin Amy” show label: 14:36–15:25
• Marriage and wedding stories: 30:03–34:05, 72:29–75:24
• Boundaries with abusive father: 45:16–46:55, 85:08–86:36
• The big Duggar scandals: 56:25–58:40
• No-contact and blocking family: 88:04, 88:17–88:51
• Close relationship with Jill: 37:18–40:28, 63:34–66:33
• Messages of hope and healing: 106:26–108:13

Tone & Atmosphere

The tone is direct, honest, empathetic, and at times lighthearted—even amid serious subject matter. Amy is unguarded about her pain but also about her silliness and joys. Dillon brings both humor and fierce protectiveness throughout. Matt & Abby are compassionate, relatable, and offer a warm, conversational space. Moments discussing trauma are handled with reverence; lighter anecdotes and marital banter balance the heaviness.

Final Takeaways

• Boundaries are essential, even (or especially) with family, when health and safety are at stake.
• Healing from generational trauma takes intentionality, faith, and outside help (therapy, supportive partners).
• Speaking out and sharing your story empowers others—Amy's book and openness have already inspired people to pursue safety and self-respect.
• Family is who truly loves and accepts you, not just who shares your blood.
• There is hope after pain: Amy models forgiveness, letting go, and an open door for healthy relationships in the future.

For further detail and Amy’s full story, check out her book Holy Disruptor—available wherever books are sold.