Podcast Summary: The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Episode: IVF, Miscarriage, and Emergency Surgery after Egg Retrieval w/ Tori Halford
Date: October 15, 2025
Host: Matt (Abby is absent in this episode)
Guest: Tori Howell Alford – mom, content creator, and IVF advocate

Overview

In this deeply personal and candid episode, Matt welcomes Tori Howell Alford to discuss her journey with infertility, the challenges of IVF, repeated miscarriages, struggles with faith and purity culture, emotional and financial tolls of fertility treatments, and a rare post-IVF surgical emergency. They also explore Tori’s evolving relationship with her husband Tanner, how religious expectations influenced their marriage, and Tori’s entrepreneurship in the influencer space. Throughout, Tori offers sincere reflections and support to others navigating similar paths.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tori & Tanner’s Love Story and Relationship Challenges

Timestamps:

[01:54] – [08:28]
Highlights:
Tori sets the “Utah dating scene,” emphasizing quick timelines and community/family pressures.
She recounts her slow-burn romance with Tanner, initially rejecting him fourteen times before their first official (and ultimately magical) date.
- “I opened the door for our first date, it was like, this was not the boy I thought I was talking to... love at first sight a little bit for me.” — Tori [04:40]
Despite a long, promising relationship, they broke off their engagement due to church-imposed restrictions after “purity” rules were broken.
Both experienced immense pressure from family and religious authorities (bishops), leading to a nine-month separation and significant personal growth for Tori.
- “Do I want me to be happy or do I want to be a people pleaser my whole life?” — Tori [06:43]
She describes the emotional burden of confession within the LDS church and the significant impact on her mental health.
Matt and Tori deconstruct purity culture and its repercussions.

2. Struggles with Infertility and Beginning IVF

Timestamps:

[15:04] – [18:12]
Highlights:
Tori recalls suspecting she’d face fertility challenges due to irregular cycles as an athlete.
Difficulty getting pregnant led Tori to test for ovulation—discovering she wasn’t ovulating at all.
She was able to expedite fertility treatment due to clear evidence (lack of ovulation).
Early medication side effects included fainting episodes, underscoring the physical risks of fertility medications, e.g., fainting in Bear Lake, UT.

3. Financial and Emotional Costs of IVF

Timestamps:

[18:12] – [24:44]
Highlights:
IVF is not covered by insurance, with each round costing $15–20k and each transfer about $8k.
“Here we are spending 56 grand just for us to be able to have kids, too.” — Tori [32:55]
Tori details the emotional rollercoaster of multiple IVF cycles, initial success with their son Rad, and multiple failed transfers following that.
The frustration and pain of prepping for, experiencing, and later mourning unsuccessful transfers: “You try so hard, you’re putting your body through so much, to put that much effort into it and not be pregnant at the end... it kind of puts you at a place like, can we even do this anymore?” — Tori [24:20]
Pressure to “just adopt” is addressed with nuance, recognizing adoption as beautiful but also articulating the desire for a biological child.

4. Miscarriage and Community Support

Timestamps:

[24:44] – [41:04]
Highlights:
Tori opens up about the devastation of positive tests turning into failed bloodwork and miscarriage.
She describes the loneliness, guilt, and emotional isolation common after miscarriage.
Support from others who’ve been through loss is crucial:
- “It’s the worst club with the best members.” — Tori [39:07]
Tori shares that she and Tanner named their lost embryos, honoring them as real children.
- “I wear this bee around my necklace because both of my babies that we lost were both B names—Boone and Blakely.” [42:42]
Discussion about differences in grieving styles—Tori grieves inward, while Tanner seeks community.
Tori emphasizes not complaining and not quitting as family values that help her persevere.

5. Emergency Surgery After Egg Retrieval (OHSS)

Timestamps:

[25:59] – [29:58]
Highlights:
Following her first IVF retrieval, Tori developed severe Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS)—a rare but dangerous complication where the abdomen fills with fluid, causing excruciating pain and bloating.
After being dismissed by providers, she finally underwent emergency surgery to drain two liters of fluid.
“They were like, ‘this is so rare... we probably only have like one to two a year that this ever even happens to.’”—Tori [27:57]
Second retrieval went much better, yielding 11 healthy embryos, six being double-A rated.
- “We ended up getting 11 healthy embryos, six of those being double As, which is the best you can get.”—Tori [29:36]

6. Processes and Realities of IVF

Timestamps:

[29:58] – [33:03]
Highlights:
Detailed explanation of stimulation protocols, the rationale for using birth control pre-retrieval, and the timing-intensive nature of the IVF process.
Tori describes the intense, rigid calendar required for successful IVF, including daily bloodwork and precise medication dosing.
Matt inquires about the injectable medications, stimulating follicle maturation and egg growth:
- “When you have a cycle, I think you only mature one or two eggs... this time, I got 50 eggs from the retrieval.” — Tori [30:21]

7. IVF Ethics and Leftover Embryos

Timestamps:

[55:15] – [60:55]
Highlights:
Tori discusses the moral complexities of having “extra” embryos after completing their family.
She received questions about the morality of IVF, particularly from pro-life perspectives.
Couples must decide whether to discard, donate, or use leftover embryos—decisions fraught with ethical, spiritual, and emotional weight.
“We got 11 embryos. Right. And we’re not—most likely we’re not going to have 11 kids... yet these embryos still have life. Like, if they were put into another woman, they could have life 100%.” — Tori [56:07]
The decision to fertilize a high number of eggs is driven by the unpredictability of embryo development—retrospective wishes to have fertilized fewer but recognizing the need to maximize chances.

8. Looking Ahead: Next Transfer and Boundaries

Timestamps:

[51:52] – [55:15]
Highlights:
Tori and Tanner are choosing to keep their next transfer timeline private, prioritizing personal processing over sharing in real time.
She acknowledges the immense pressure of public sharing and the pain of re-explaining losses.
“We just decided this was kinda gonna be our last chance. And so I just wanted to give myself the time and space to process everything before going to the public about it.” — Tori [52:42]

9. Life Beyond IVF: Support, Community, & Business

Timestamps:

[61:04] – [63:07]
Highlights:
Tori speaks about launching two companies:
- Rad Talent Management (talent management for creators)
- Her Turn (a supportive community for women in digital storytelling)
She reflects on the importance of collaboration over competition and building women up in the content creation space.
“We should be collaborating, not competing with one another because there’s a lot of comparison in social media.” — Tori [62:43]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Prolonged Infertility: “You’re spending so much money and you’re putting all this effort in for it to fail again. It kind of puts you at a place like, well, can we even do this anymore?” — Tori [24:20]
On Shame in Purity Culture: “You do it because you love this person—and it’s a very normal feeling to have. And I think that’s why when I was met with... disappointment and shame, I’m like...Why?” — Tori [09:08]
On Loss: “There’s nothing like having your own child and your own genes and your own genetics. And I think some people misinterpret that a little bit.” — Tori [34:14]
On Parenting after Loss: “I wear this bee around my necklace because both of my babies that we lost were both B names, Boone and Blakely. And then I think of them as my angel babies and that I’ll see them in heaven someday.” — Tori [42:42]
On Community: “It’s the worst club with the best members.” — Tori [39:07]
On Grieving: “I grieve inward. I think I kind of shut people out a lot...where I think Tanner embraces the story and likes to be surrounded by people who genuinely love him.” — Tori [39:50]
On the Moral Dilemmas of IVF: "It’s not like you really know what you’re going to get from a retrieval... you want to give yourself the best chance, though." — Tori [59:38]

Timeline of Important Segments

[02:00] – Love story & early relationship challenges
[05:34] – Broken engagement, religious pressures
[13:33] – Lessons learned from failure and grief
[15:21] – Infertility discovery, beginning treatment
[18:16] – The high cost and uncertainty of IVF
[19:39] – Multiple failures, hope after loss
[24:03] – Experiencing miscarriage and picking up the pieces
[25:59] – OHSS and emergency surgery
[29:41] – Second retrieval success, hope moving forward
[32:21] – Breaking down the numbers: IVF expenses
[33:19] – Navigating social media and insensitive comments
[39:07] – "The worst club with the best members": grief & community
[42:42] – Naming babies lost to miscarriage
[51:52] – Moving forward, boundaries on sharing online
[55:29] – What happens to leftover embryos? Ethical questions
[61:04] – Tori’s new ventures: Rad Talent & Her Turn

Tone and Language

The episode is honest, emotionally raw, and conversational. Tori is open about pain, faith, shame, resilience, and hope. The tone is supportive and educational for anyone wrestling with family-building or faith-related challenges.

Useful Takeaways

IVF is financially, physically, and emotionally taxing. Tori’s story demystifies both the medical aspects and the hidden costs.
Community support is vital. Both online connections and “those in the miscarriage/IVF club” offer vital understanding and strength.
Personal boundaries on sharing are healthy. Tori demonstrates a mindful approach to what and when she shares—especially after public vulnerability.
There is life after loss. Tori’s story includes business-building, new communities, and a broader purpose shaped by hardship.

For listeners navigating infertility or supporting those who are, this episode is validating, vulnerable, and packed with both practical details and emotional insights.

Podcast Summary: The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tori & Tanner’s Love Story and Relationship Challenges

Timestamps:

[01:54] – [08:28]
Highlights:
Tori sets the “Utah dating scene,” emphasizing quick timelines and community/family pressures.
She recounts her slow-burn romance with Tanner, initially rejecting him fourteen times before their first official (and ultimately magical) date.
- “I opened the door for our first date, it was like, this was not the boy I thought I was talking to... love at first sight a little bit for me.” — Tori [04:40]
Despite a long, promising relationship, they broke off their engagement due to church-imposed restrictions after “purity” rules were broken.
Both experienced immense pressure from family and religious authorities (bishops), leading to a nine-month separation and significant personal growth for Tori.
- “Do I want me to be happy or do I want to be a people pleaser my whole life?” — Tori [06:43]
She describes the emotional burden of confession within the LDS church and the significant impact on her mental health.
Matt and Tori deconstruct purity culture and its repercussions.

2. Struggles with Infertility and Beginning IVF

Timestamps:

[15:04] – [18:12]
Highlights:
Tori recalls suspecting she’d face fertility challenges due to irregular cycles as an athlete.
Difficulty getting pregnant led Tori to test for ovulation—discovering she wasn’t ovulating at all.
She was able to expedite fertility treatment due to clear evidence (lack of ovulation).
Early medication side effects included fainting episodes, underscoring the physical risks of fertility medications, e.g., fainting in Bear Lake, UT.

3. Financial and Emotional Costs of IVF

Timestamps:

[18:12] – [24:44]
Highlights:
IVF is not covered by insurance, with each round costing $15–20k and each transfer about $8k.
“Here we are spending 56 grand just for us to be able to have kids, too.” — Tori [32:55]
Tori details the emotional rollercoaster of multiple IVF cycles, initial success with their son Rad, and multiple failed transfers following that.
The frustration and pain of prepping for, experiencing, and later mourning unsuccessful transfers: “You try so hard, you’re putting your body through so much, to put that much effort into it and not be pregnant at the end... it kind of puts you at a place like, can we even do this anymore?” — Tori [24:20]
Pressure to “just adopt” is addressed with nuance, recognizing adoption as beautiful but also articulating the desire for a biological child.

4. Miscarriage and Community Support

Timestamps:

[24:44] – [41:04]
Highlights:
Tori opens up about the devastation of positive tests turning into failed bloodwork and miscarriage.
She describes the loneliness, guilt, and emotional isolation common after miscarriage.
Support from others who’ve been through loss is crucial:
- “It’s the worst club with the best members.” — Tori [39:07]
Tori shares that she and Tanner named their lost embryos, honoring them as real children.
- “I wear this bee around my necklace because both of my babies that we lost were both B names—Boone and Blakely.” [42:42]
Discussion about differences in grieving styles—Tori grieves inward, while Tanner seeks community.
Tori emphasizes not complaining and not quitting as family values that help her persevere.

5. Emergency Surgery After Egg Retrieval (OHSS)

Timestamps:

[25:59] – [29:58]
Highlights:
Following her first IVF retrieval, Tori developed severe Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS)—a rare but dangerous complication where the abdomen fills with fluid, causing excruciating pain and bloating.
After being dismissed by providers, she finally underwent emergency surgery to drain two liters of fluid.
“They were like, ‘this is so rare... we probably only have like one to two a year that this ever even happens to.’”—Tori [27:57]
Second retrieval went much better, yielding 11 healthy embryos, six being double-A rated.
- “We ended up getting 11 healthy embryos, six of those being double As, which is the best you can get.”—Tori [29:36]

6. Processes and Realities of IVF

Timestamps:

[29:58] – [33:03]
Highlights:
Detailed explanation of stimulation protocols, the rationale for using birth control pre-retrieval, and the timing-intensive nature of the IVF process.
Tori describes the intense, rigid calendar required for successful IVF, including daily bloodwork and precise medication dosing.
Matt inquires about the injectable medications, stimulating follicle maturation and egg growth:
- “When you have a cycle, I think you only mature one or two eggs... this time, I got 50 eggs from the retrieval.” — Tori [30:21]

7. IVF Ethics and Leftover Embryos

Timestamps:

[55:15] – [60:55]
Highlights:
Tori discusses the moral complexities of having “extra” embryos after completing their family.
She received questions about the morality of IVF, particularly from pro-life perspectives.
Couples must decide whether to discard, donate, or use leftover embryos—decisions fraught with ethical, spiritual, and emotional weight.
“We got 11 embryos. Right. And we’re not—most likely we’re not going to have 11 kids... yet these embryos still have life. Like, if they were put into another woman, they could have life 100%.” — Tori [56:07]
The decision to fertilize a high number of eggs is driven by the unpredictability of embryo development—retrospective wishes to have fertilized fewer but recognizing the need to maximize chances.

8. Looking Ahead: Next Transfer and Boundaries

Timestamps:

[51:52] – [55:15]
Highlights:
Tori and Tanner are choosing to keep their next transfer timeline private, prioritizing personal processing over sharing in real time.
She acknowledges the immense pressure of public sharing and the pain of re-explaining losses.
“We just decided this was kinda gonna be our last chance. And so I just wanted to give myself the time and space to process everything before going to the public about it.” — Tori [52:42]

9. Life Beyond IVF: Support, Community, & Business

Timestamps:

[61:04] – [63:07]
Highlights:
Tori speaks about launching two companies:
- Rad Talent Management (talent management for creators)
- Her Turn (a supportive community for women in digital storytelling)
She reflects on the importance of collaboration over competition and building women up in the content creation space.
“We should be collaborating, not competing with one another because there’s a lot of comparison in social media.” — Tori [62:43]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Prolonged Infertility: “You’re spending so much money and you’re putting all this effort in for it to fail again. It kind of puts you at a place like, well, can we even do this anymore?” — Tori [24:20]
On Shame in Purity Culture: “You do it because you love this person—and it’s a very normal feeling to have. And I think that’s why when I was met with... disappointment and shame, I’m like...Why?” — Tori [09:08]
On Loss: “There’s nothing like having your own child and your own genes and your own genetics. And I think some people misinterpret that a little bit.” — Tori [34:14]
On Parenting after Loss: “I wear this bee around my necklace because both of my babies that we lost were both B names, Boone and Blakely. And then I think of them as my angel babies and that I’ll see them in heaven someday.” — Tori [42:42]
On Community: “It’s the worst club with the best members.” — Tori [39:07]
On Grieving: “I grieve inward. I think I kind of shut people out a lot...where I think Tanner embraces the story and likes to be surrounded by people who genuinely love him.” — Tori [39:50]
On the Moral Dilemmas of IVF: "It’s not like you really know what you’re going to get from a retrieval... you want to give yourself the best chance, though." — Tori [59:38]

Timeline of Important Segments

[02:00] – Love story & early relationship challenges
[05:34] – Broken engagement, religious pressures
[13:33] – Lessons learned from failure and grief
[15:21] – Infertility discovery, beginning treatment
[18:16] – The high cost and uncertainty of IVF
[19:39] – Multiple failures, hope after loss
[24:03] – Experiencing miscarriage and picking up the pieces
[25:59] – OHSS and emergency surgery
[29:41] – Second retrieval success, hope moving forward
[32:21] – Breaking down the numbers: IVF expenses
[33:19] – Navigating social media and insensitive comments
[39:07] – "The worst club with the best members": grief & community
[42:42] – Naming babies lost to miscarriage
[51:52] – Moving forward, boundaries on sharing online
[55:29] – What happens to leftover embryos? Ethical questions
[61:04] – Tori’s new ventures: Rad Talent & Her Turn

Tone and Language

Useful Takeaways

IVF is financially, physically, and emotionally taxing. Tori’s story demystifies both the medical aspects and the hidden costs.
Community support is vital. Both online connections and “those in the miscarriage/IVF club” offer vital understanding and strength.
Personal boundaries on sharing are healthy. Tori demonstrates a mindful approach to what and when she shares—especially after public vulnerability.
There is life after loss. Tori’s story includes business-building, new communities, and a broader purpose shaped by hardship.

For listeners navigating infertility or supporting those who are, this episode is validating, vulnerable, and packed with both practical details and emotional insights.

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IVF, Miscarriage, and emergency surgery after egg retrieval w/ Tori Halford

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Summary

Podcast Summary: The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tori & Tanner’s Love Story and Relationship Challenges

2. Struggles with Infertility and Beginning IVF

3. Financial and Emotional Costs of IVF

4. Miscarriage and Community Support

5. Emergency Surgery After Egg Retrieval (OHSS)

6. Processes and Realities of IVF

7. IVF Ethics and Leftover Embryos

8. Looking Ahead: Next Transfer and Boundaries

9. Life Beyond IVF: Support, Community, & Business

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timeline of Important Segments

Tone and Language

Useful Takeaways

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tori & Tanner’s Love Story and Relationship Challenges

2. Struggles with Infertility and Beginning IVF

3. Financial and Emotional Costs of IVF

4. Miscarriage and Community Support

5. Emergency Surgery After Egg Retrieval (OHSS)

6. Processes and Realities of IVF

7. IVF Ethics and Leftover Embryos

8. Looking Ahead: Next Transfer and Boundaries

9. Life Beyond IVF: Support, Community, & Business

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timeline of Important Segments

Tone and Language

Useful Takeaways