Life update, family planning, and getting a dog Q&A

Summary

The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Episode: Life Update, Family Planning, and Getting a Dog Q&A

Date: November 5, 2025
Hosts: Matt & Abby Howard

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Overview

In this heartfelt and candid episode, Matt and Abby answer listener questions about recent life changes, parenting two young boys, travel tips, family planning after pregnancy loss, and their ongoing debate about getting a dog. The couple reflects openly on grief, hope, and day-to-day joys and challenges of raising a young family. The episode blends humor, honesty, and practical advice—giving listeners a genuine look into the Howards’ evolving family life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. New Studio and Podcast Evolution

• [01:03 – 02:20]

  • Matt and Abby share excitement about their new in-home studio, which saves significant time and limits disruptions by kids (compared to filming in their living room).

  “Now we just go downstairs… Our kids would be like knocking over expensive cameras and microphones.” – Abby [01:35]

2. Q&A: Family, Parenting, and Everyday Life

Upgrading to a Bigger Car

• [02:20 – 04:55]

  • The couple discusses deliberations over needing a three-row vehicle. Abby struggles to plan purchases given their loss and uncertainty.

  “Getting the car right now just feels so frivolous… It’s not a need right now.” – Abby [03:33]

Feeding Picky Kids

• [04:55 – 06:12]

  • Bribes for dessert, minimized portions, and menu options based on what boys have liked before. Snacks are avoided before dinner to help with appetites.

  “Honestly, you guys, we just bribe them.” – Matt [05:04] “We literally are bending over backwards for them.” – Abby [06:12]

Boys’ Current Interests

• [06:13 – 08:52]

  • Star Wars obsession—especially Darth Vader and stormtroopers. A Disneyland trip involved buying real lightsabers, prompting playful duels. Kids also love superheroes (Spider-Man, Hulk, Thor) and Chip and Dale (mistakenly called “Chicken Dales”).

  “Our 2-year-old non-stop says, ‘I want to see Darth Vader die.’” – Matt [06:32] “Matt is like dueling with our kids… you’re such a hands-on dad.” – Abby [07:04]

Aspirations for Kids

• [09:22 – 09:55]

  • The boys want to be firefighters and want Matt to drive a trash truck. Abby reveals she finds firefighter as the most attractive profession.

  “They both want to be firefighters with daddy—which is kind of concerning…” – Matt [09:34] “I think it’s the most attractive profession.” – Abby [09:51]

Navigating Social Media Success

• [17:12 – 18:50]

  • Matt and Abby recall simpler pre-social media days and admit to missing “the magic of a super simple life” but are grateful for what they have.

  “The magic of an extremely simple life is kind of fun.” – Matt [17:30] “Everything’s a transaction like that.” – Abby [18:36]

Getting a Dog: Ongoing Debate

• [11:30 – 14:15]

  • The hosts discuss public (often aggressive) opinions around getting a dog (claims it’ll ruin their lives), echoing similar judgment that can come with family planning.
  • Timing is the key issue—they want one, it’s just not clear when.

  “80% of the feedback is: ‘Absolutely, do NOT get a dog. It will ruin your life.’” – Abby [12:05] “We have always known we were going to get a dog… It’s just trying to figure out the timing.” – Abby [12:39]

  • Dream dog: Golden retriever, inspired by both childhood family memories.

Travel with Toddlers: Tips and Mishaps

• [24:05 – 35:02]

  • Recommend letting kids have screen time on flights (“We usually download Ms. Rachel or Star Wars,” Abby [27:15]).
  • Traveling with a toddler is different from a baby; strong preference not to buy extra seats until required.
  • Packing light and embracing flexibility is key as kids age.
  • Child leash safety and airport strategies (wait to board last; let kids burn energy).

  “If you want to secure an easy flight, buy the ticket… Otherwise, make friends with flight attendants.” – Matt [30:05] “We are kings and queens of not buying them the seat until they are two.” – Abby [31:36] “We wait until we’re the last people to board… as soon as you sit down, a timer starts.” – Abby [37:47]

Disney Adventures

• [24:05 – 25:41, 44:44-45:02]

  • Disney trip was magical for both parents and kids, especially as their son is now tall enough for major rides.

  “My whole video of Spider-Man… was just Augie’s face, just—he was frozen with awe and wonder. That was like, oh, I’ll never forget.” – Abby [25:06]

3. Financial Q&A

• [42:32 – 45:56]

  • Budgeting with young kids: Explore community events and free activities (libraries, fire/police stations).
  • Should you marry someone with similar financial stability? Not mandatory, but discuss debts.
  • Roth IRA endorsement. Be open about credit card debt with your spouse.
  • Investment changes post-Ramit Sethi podcast; now automating investments, focusing on ETFs.

  “We just always told each other if we’ve ever opened up a bank account…” – Matt [46:07] “I want to fund our kids’ Roths, too—oh, actually, we did.” – Matt [45:44]

4. Grief, Hope, and Moving Forward after Loss

Family Planning & Loss

• [52:00 – 56:51]

  • Abby discusses conflicting feelings about planning another pregnancy after miscarriage.
  • She addresses why questions about future pregnancies are not insensitive to her; hope and grief co-exist.

  “When you’ve gone through something like what we’ve gone through… you’re discussing the possibility of another pregnancy… in the same breath that you find out you’ve lost your baby.” – Abby [52:05]
  “There is hope there… It’s so terrifying and heavy and so different than it once was. But you’re right, there is hope.” – Abby [54:19]

The Changed Nature of Fear

• [55:59 – 56:51]

  • Loss shattered the idea “these things happen to other people.” Abby now experiences reoccurring, generalized fear, especially for her living children.

  “There was a jar in my brain… for things that happened to other people… Now I am the other people.” – Abby [56:00]

Support Systems

• [56:51 – 58:22]

  • Meal train and supportive gestures from friends/family were invaluable.

  “A meal train is so nice… It just gave us so much more time to think through everything and not have to keep going.” – Matt [57:44] “It’s just the fact that they’re seeing the pain that you’re in, and they’re showing up…” – Abby [58:01]

Ongoing Healing Process

• [58:22 – 63:43]

  • Abby describes the unpredictable waves of grief, using the “grief box” analogy, and the need to intentionally invite joy and accept moments of happiness without guilt.

  “Invite joy. You don’t have to feel guilty or ashamed for feeling that in this season.” – Abby [59:28]

Coping, Triggers, and Filling Your Cup

• [64:09 – 66:15]

  • Self-care, couple therapy, setting aside breaks, and letting each other have time are critical for healing.
  • Social media pregnancy announcements are a trigger; Abby’s relationship to her previous pregnancy is complex.

  “It is like, a life that is so valuable. And pregnancy content is really the only reminders I have of our daughter’s life…” – Abby [65:54]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parenting as Play:

  “I’m the fraternity president and they’re the pledges… No, actually I’m the pledge. I do whatever they want.” – Matt [07:54]

• On Getting a Dog:

  “I would love to get a golden retriever for our kids. I know they’re so good with kids, but I’m also worried… you’re allergic to hair.” – Abby [14:18]

• On Facing Loss and Hope:

  “This jar held the things that happened to other people. And now I am the other people.” – Abby [56:00]

• On Inviting Joy During Grief:

  “Invite joy. You don’t have to feel guilty or ashamed for feeling that in this season.” – Abby [59:28]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:03 – New in-home studio reveal and life update
• 02:42 – Deciding on a bigger car for the family
• 04:55 – How to get picky kids to eat
• 06:13 – Kids’ obsessions: Star Wars, superheroes, “Chicken Dales”
• 09:22 – Kids’ current dream jobs and Anna’s take on attractive professions
• 11:30 – The “Should we get a dog?” debate
• 24:05 – Disneyland trip reflections
• 27:45 – Airplane travel tips with toddlers
• 30:19 – Car seats on planes, seat hacks
• 37:47 – Airport/boarding strategies
• 42:32 – Budgeting, low-cost kid activities
• 45:44 – Roth IRAs and investing basics
• 52:00 – How to process family planning after miscarriage
• 55:59 – Impact of loss on daily life and anxiety
• 56:51 – How friends and meal trains helped
• 58:22 – How grief and happiness now coexist
• 64:09 – Each partner’s self-care post-loss
• 65:11 – Social media, triggers, and wrestling with pregnancy imagery

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Final Thoughts

Matt and Abby offer a refreshingly honest window into balancing grief and gratitude, finding humor in chaos, and supporting each other as partners and parents. Through their willingness to tackle tough subjects and celebrate family joys, they continue to foster a sense of community and openness—a space where listeners can both learn and relate.

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For more, connect with Matt & Abby on Instagram (@theunplannedpodcast) and YouTube.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Are you scared to get pregnant again with all the what ifs?

[A]

That was the question I wanted to answer.

[B]

What was the hardest thing about getting married young?

[A]

It wasn't hard. It is still so fun that we have that history together. We talk about it all the time.

[B]

I'm like, how cool is that that I'm married to my high school sweetheart? Best thing to bring on the plane to entertain toddlers. Probably just your phone. Honestly, why don't you have a dog?

[A]

Talking about getting a dog, you get like the most aggressive opinions. 80% of the feedback is like, absolutely, do not get a dog. It will ruin your life.

[B]

Welcome back to Unplanned. We are your hosts, Matt and Abby.

[A]

And check it out, we have a new studio.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I mean, it's really a work in progress. Clearly it's not all set up, but this is what we have for you this week, so stay tuned to see how it evolves. I'm really excited for some of the changes that are happening. Also, just personally, it's really nice because the studio is actually located in our own home, which is very time effective for us because we were driving like 45 minutes to an hour to and from the studio. And so on filming days, it was like a little tricky.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now we just go downstairs and.

[B]

It might be confusing because a lot of you thought that we recorded in our living room. We did. For the per. The first, like year and a half, we recorded in our living room. But now that we've been doing this a while, we started like realizing, wow, it's like hundreds of hours of time to like set up and tear down.

[A]

Lights, mics, cameras, and above that, like, above all else, it's also hard to just like clear out our living room when we have children.

[B]

Like, yeah, we used to. Our kids would be like knocking over expensive cameras and microphones and they would.

[A]

Want to come in when we were filming all the time. So.

[B]

So. Well, yeah, but that'll probably be a problem again.

[A]

It's not in a common space though, so I feel like they're less likely to come in and they're very occupied. They're Hanging out with their grandma. So, yes.

[B]

Anyway, we have asked you guys once again on our podcast, Instagram, if you haven't followed us the unplanned podcast on Instagram, go check us out. Go follow us. Stay up to date with everything going on with the pod, the episode we did recently, answering your questions. You guys seem to really like it. So there are a lot of questions we didn't get to and we wanted to further that discussion. So first question that we have is, are you still going to get a bigger car soon?

[A]

So you might have seen if you follow our YouTube channel. We made a YouTube video of us shopping for a three row. Is that what it's called? Like, a three row vehicle? Because when we were gonna have a third baby, like when we were pregnant, we did need a bigger vehicle to get our whole family around. And that conversation has kind of like, been put on pause.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Since everything. I mean, we've been talking about it more and more. And like, you were really sweet. You're like, let's still get the car because we're gonna do it. And like, I'm having a hard time. We're not even in the heavy questions, like, why am I like this? But this is just how I am. Like, it's like when you set up the cameras and the lights, like, that's when I feel like, oh, my gosh, the emotions are, like, closer to the surface, but I, like, I am less teary nowadays. Just so you know that it's hard for me to make. Wait, were you going to say.

[B]

I should say we should just freaking get the car. I feel like it'd make you happy.

[A]

Yeah, I do think it'd be happy. It would make, I think, part of me that makes me feel happy and hopeful, but the other part of me is having such a hard time making plans for the future. And so it's like getting the car right now just feels so, like, frivolous because it's like there's. It's not a need right now and it's not a need even in the near future. So it just feels frivolous. And so that's just kind of like. That's kind of the like what I wrestle with every single day of. Like, this gives me hope and excitement and joy, but also I'm having hard times making, I mean, decisions.

[B]

There's so many families, though, that have two kids and upgrade to a two.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

To a three row vehicle. I can name so many of our friends that have done that and they only have two Kids. They don't have three kids. Like, do we even have many friends with three kids? I don't think so. Like, most of our friends just have one or two.

[A]

Yeah, a lot of them have three row vehicles, so, yeah, so it's.

[B]

It's a very common thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with upgrading now especially.

[A]

It just feels less exciting and that's. So maybe we'll wait. I don't know. We'll see. Maybe we will, maybe we won't. We know what we're going to get. So we landed on a decision, but which, if you watch that video, you'll probably see what that decision was. So. So I do know that it'll happen down the line, but, like, right now it's not something I'm like, super eager to do.

[B]

How do you get your boys to eat? My little dude is so picky. Honestly, you guys, we just bribe them. We just tell them, hey, if you eat your dinner, you get dessert. If you don't eat your dinner, no dessert. It's kind of what it is, you know, you gotta. Gotta have a reward for finishing the food. And we're not even giving him that much food.

[A]

Like, sometimes we don't even give him a huge portion. And we also only fix him things. I'm like, you have eaten this before. We know you liked it. Or it's like one degree off from something you've eaten in the past.

[B]

And you gotta make sure too, that you're not giving them too many, like, snacks or candy before dinnertime. Because sometimes it's like, why are they not eating? It's like, oh, yeah, they had two juice.

[A]

Well, the problem is sometimes they eat a really late lunch because of their naps. And so then I'm like, they really might not be that hungry for dinner. So, yeah, I think there's a lot of negotiations happening in our household around mealtime. I also just think that we serve them things that we know that they like. So when they're not eating, it's like, okay, they're either not hungry or they're just trying to get out of eating. Yeah, we always just try to tell them the importance of eating. We're like, it is so good for your body. You have to feed your muscles. This is how you grow. Like, we have a lot of conversations about that. And we only. We also give them other options. Like, if they don't want to eat that, we'll give them another option. Like, we literally are bending over backwards for them.

[B]

I just.

[A]

It's not like, we're like being all tough. Being like, you have to eat this or else you don't get dessert.

[B]

I want to read the next question so bad. It says new boy mom here. What are your sons into? Our sons are into Star wars right now. So hard. And not just. Not just Star wars in general. Like Darth Vader. I don't know what it is. Our 2 year old non stop says, like, I want, I want to see Darth Vader died.

[A]

Darth Vader.

[B]

Darth Vader. Like he just repeats Darth Vader all the time.

[A]

And Stormtrooper.

[B]

And we were just in Disneyland and we bought actual lightsabers. Can I show them my lightsabers? Should I go get it? I bought a legit.

[A]

I think they know what a lightsaber looks like. Okay, well, Matt's getting that. I do actually want to brag on him a little. A sweet friend of ours brought dinner to us the other night after we had a travel day coming back from Disney. And when she pulled up to our house, it was literally Matt with this lightsaber having a full on duel. I was in the bathtub, I was surely checked out for the night and Matt was like dueling with our kids.

[B]

I feel like I need to turn the lights off temporarily.

[A]

Oh my.

[B]

Look at this, guys.

[A]

This is so off the rails right now.

[B]

So sick. Wait one second. Here we go. Ready for this? Oh, yeah, baby.

[A]

Yes. We are all very impressed by your lightsaber, Matt. No, I think it's really sweet how you guys all get so into it, but our friend showed up with dinner and Matt is in the backyard. I'm not answering the door because I'm in the bathtub. I'm surely checked out for the night and Matt is like full on dueling our kids. And she said it was a really sweet scene to see. Like, you're such a hands on dad. You like literally play so hard with them.

[B]

I said this to Abby last night. It's kind of like I'm the fraternity president and they're the pledges and I'm.

[A]

Like, I don't know if that's a good comparison to make though, because don't they like abuse?

[B]

Yeah, you're right. That's actually a horrible comparison. They're like, I'm the president of the, of the fraternity and they're the upperclassmen and we like, we just get to plan together. No, what am I saying? They're the presidents. They tell me what to do. They're like, yeah.

[A]

I'm like, they're the ones in charge.

[B]

Around here, they're like, I want to go in the pool. I want to go on a bike ride.

[A]

Sir. Yes, sir.

[B]

Yes. I'm the pledge. I do whatever they want.

[A]

And you do also get abused by them.

[B]

I do. They hit me overhead with lightsabers. We've had to make it a rule of no headshots with the lightsabers. So if you have boys, our kids are very much into Star wars right now.

[A]

Right now. It's not just Star wars, though.

[B]

And the adventures.

[A]

Love.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Superheroes, specifically Spider man and Hulk and also kind of Iron man and Thor.

[B]

Thor recently has gotten popular.

[A]

Griffin really is more classic. He likes just like Mickey Mouse, Chippendale Chicken.

[B]

Chicken Dales. I meant to say Chicken Dales. Our three year old.

[A]

No, Chip and Dale.

[B]

Our three year old thinks that Chip and Dale are the Chicken Dales. He, he, he calls them the Chicken Dales. And I'm like, no.

[A]

He says Chicken Dale. And he's usually like, there's another chicken Dale. Like, he's always surprised that there's two of them.

[B]

It's hilarious.

[A]

We need to point out their noses.

[B]

I've tried to explain it to them so many times.

[A]

That's the difference. Chip has a brown nose, like a chocolate chip.

[B]

And Dale, isn't it a black nose? Black and red.

[A]

I think it's dark brown.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Fact check.

[B]

Someone fact check us right now in the comments.

[A]

Dale has like a red nose.

[B]

Anywho, what do you think your kids will be when they grow up? Well, if you ask them right now, they want to be firefighters.

[A]

Yeah. They want me to be a trash truck driver and they want to be a firefighter and they both want to be firefighters with daddy, which is kind.

[B]

Of concerning if you listen to our interview with Dr. Amen. Because apparently the brain health of firefighters is not good because they're like breathing in toxic fumes and stuff.

[A]

Yeah. High stress.

[B]

But yeah.

[A]

We always talk about how they're heroes and they want to be heroes.

[B]

Yeah. You also think firefighters are very attractive.

[A]

I think it's the most attractive profession. Yes.

[B]

Yeah. So maybe one day I'll.

[A]

People agree with me. I know other women agree with me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No one's saying influencer. No. Just kidding.

[B]

Okay. Thank you to Cash App for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. When you Cash App your friends, do you guys round down or round up when there's like, change involved? I feel like I always do these things.

[A]

Do you round down?

[B]

I do the exact amount of change down to the penny Because I'm just like, so particular about that.

[A]

Yeah. It just feels official.

[B]

And if someone overpays me, it bothers me. Like, I don't want you to overpay me.

[A]

Don't tip me.

[B]

I don't. Yeah, I don't want to tip. I just want to be paid exactly what you owe me. That's it.

[A]

I think that's the best part of Cash App. You can be specific.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You don't have to carry around your pennies.

[B]

Yes. But if you guys did not know, Cash App is way more than just a safe way to send and receive money. Because with the Cash App card, you get tons of perks, like early access to concert pre sales, plus discounts on everyday purchases at brands you're probably already spending money on.

[A]

It also keeps your money safe by automatically flagging suspicious transactions and letting you lock your card instantly if it's ever lost or stolen.

[B]

And for a limited time, new Cash App Customers can earn $10 if they use code CASH APP10 in their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit card is issued by Sutton Bank Member fdic. Discount provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. Brand. Visit Cash App legal podcast for full disclosures. Why don't you have a dog? Whoa, that is a big question.

[A]

Wait, they said, why don't you have a dog?

[B]

Why don't you have a dog? People, we've been getting flooded with questions about if we're getting a dog ever since Abby posted.

[A]

I want to know if we're getting a dog too.

[B]

We, Abby posted, leaked a photo of me holding a very cute puppy on her Instagram story. And everyone has been asking us to, you know, get it, get a dog.

[A]

We've been. Well, no, I think here's the thing about. It's probably the same thing with having babies, like talking about starting a family or getting a dog. You get like the most aggressive opinions. And also a lot of them are like, unsolicited. They're like, no, don't do it. You ruin your life.

[B]

You rule your life.

[A]

Yes, immediately get a dog. It's the best thing ever. Actually, I would say 80% of the feedback is like, absolutely, do not get a dog. It will be the worst thing ever. It will ruin your Life. And then 20% of people that are like, dog lovers are like, absolutely you should. I fully support this. Like, do it right now.

[B]

It would be a Lot of work. Let's just be honest, right? There's a lot of pooping and ping. I had a clean diarrhea off of our turf the other day, and it wasn't dog diarrhea. And, you know, for whatever reason, there was a popsicle stick sticking out the middle of it. I don't even know why. I can't even believe I'm saying that out loud. And it made me think, man, do I really want to do this dog thing? Because I'm already, like. I'm already dealing with this already.

[A]

Like, we go back and forth so much, and we've been talking about this. Let me just say this. We have always known we were going to get a dog. When we had kids in the house, we knew that that was, like, that's something we'd said from the very beginning. We'll have a dog. After we have kids. We will. Like, after we start having kids, we'll get a dog. So that's, like, a given. We are going to do it now. Finding the timing is, like, interesting, and we're trying to do that so the people that are like, don't get a dog. It's like, we're like, no, one day we will get a dog. That is, like, a fact. But it's just trying to figure out the timing. And right now, we're really trying to navigate if the timing of right now is right or not. And it's just something that we've just been internally discussing transparently for weeks, and we're still really up in the air about it. Like, I feel like every day, one of us kind of leans more one way, and then sometimes we swap.

[B]

So it's funny, too, because my brother, who has a dog, is not a dog person, and he's like, don't do it. And then Abby's brother, who has a dog or has two dogs, is like a major dog person.

[A]

He's like, do it.

[B]

And so, yeah, we just have so many conflicting opinions. Some days, I think, like, I'm, like, so down. Like, yes, do it. And then other days, I'm like, do I really want to be cleaning more poop off of?

[A]

I think we're at the pit. We're at the point where it's like, we've talked through all the logistics, like, what would happen if we got a dog? Like, how we would work out traveling, how we work out taking the dog on walks. Like, everything we've worked out, literally every single part of it, like, what rules we'd have with the dog. Like, we would get it trained, like, things like that. So now we just really need to stumble upon a dog that we fall in love with, and then we'll be 100% in.

[B]

Why do I think a golden retriever would be perfect?

[A]

We. That's. That's. Our dream dog is a golden retriever.

[B]

Because they are just. My grandpa. My great grandpa had a golden retriever.

[A]

My grandpa had a golden retriever that I was so in our whole family. Was his name Riley?

[B]

Riley.

[A]

He was the best dog in the entire world. Like, so sweet. And him and my grandpa. This will make me cry because my pawpaw has since passed, but, like. And Riley has passed, but they were just, like, best buddies, and they would ride in his truck together, and he was just, like. I've always been, like, so in love with golden retrievers because of Riley, and so I would love to get a golden retriever for our kids. I know they're so good with kids, but I'm also worried because you're allergic to hair. Like, pet hair.

[B]

Yeah, we could just get a robotic vacuum that could suck that up.

[A]

I know. Would you be able to pet the dog?

[B]

I would be fine, I think.

[A]

Should we test this?

[B]

I could always take Claritin again. I used to take Claritin. I took Claritin every day as a kid because I would get, like, allergies all the time, and it's gone down since I got older. But, yeah, I. I would be okay.

[A]

Our dream dog would be a golden retriever, but we'll just see what happens. We're actually going to a little pet adoption event coming up.

[B]

Wait, what? I didn't know that we were actually doing that.

[A]

I'm going. You want to go with me? And the kids are going.

[B]

This is my. This is my official invite.

[A]

Wherever I go, you go, babe.

[B]

I guess I'm going to a.

[A]

You.

[B]

This next question is freaking hilarious because I actually think about this a lot. It says, are you ever embarrassed to see family after a podcast talking about personal topics?

[A]

Yeah, actually, yes, I am.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, we just pretend like we don't talk about anything personal. Personal on the Internet, especially, like.

[A]

No, we don't pretend like we don't talk about anything personal.

[B]

We don't, like. We don't just, like, casually talk about this stuff in front of your parents or your grandparents.

[A]

We talked about very personal things like regarding our loss. What do you mean?

[B]

Well, talk.

[A]

I'm talking.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Sex. Yeah. We don't talk about sex in front of Abby's parents or grandparents.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

But we'll talk about that, like with our close friends.

[A]

Why we talk about. With your parents kind of.

[B]

Oh, yeah. But not like in. Not in detail.

[A]

No, we don't talk about it in detail on the podcast either.

[B]

That's true. It's just. Yeah, yeah, no, it's. My parents are hilarious. Like, they would tell more to your.

[A]

Parents than I would on the podcast, probably.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. My parents are open books, man. We've had them on our. On our YouTube channel. We've had them on the podcast.

[A]

So it's my family and I'm like, man, I just wish I could block my family from these episodes.

[B]

He's considered.

[A]

I don't think they watch it anyway. Yeah, so they. The only ones they watch are the Sister in Law episodes or like, if families.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You saw your dad watching one of the Sister in Law episodes, didn't you? Yeah, you told me that you saw. Or maybe it was me. Did I see him watching the Sister in Law that sweet. That was sweet.

[A]

You didn't tell me that.

[B]

Yeah, I thought I told you that.

[A]

No, I heard my. I knew my mom listened to it.

[B]

Do you miss life before being social media famous?

[A]

That's hard to answer because we've been doing this for so long. It's like we started it right after we got married, so we hadn't even had kids yet. So I'm like, I don't miss that life of like, not like before kids. Like, I don't miss. But I do. If I'm being fully honest, I miss the simplicity.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I think the magic of an extremely simple life is kind of fun. Especially like the. The magic of the first. Well, I. I guess I had started posting YouTube videos, but it wasn't our job. So like the first year of being married and we were in college, we had our own place, our own little apartment. We went on these really fun dates that were low budget on hikes in the mountains in Arkansas. Like, we used to go to drive in movie. Like the drive in movies in like southern Missouri because they, they would have like a double feature and you would just like drive up in your car.

[A]

At that time, we lived in a different state. Yeah, life was just totally different then, but so simple. I do think that what we do for work adds several layers that I'm like, sometimes I do just miss the simplicity.

[B]

Yeah, you know, it's. It's like the grass. I guess the grass is always green on the other side. Right. Like, I'm super grateful for what we Have. I think it's normal, though, to, like, always look back with fond memories on the past, but it doesn't. Doesn't mean that I don't like what we have now, because I love. I love.

[A]

Yeah, No, I think that's just how it goes. Like, you. You can be grateful for what you have, but also just be like, there were some really sweet, beautiful things about that time that I had to give up to live the life I have now. So everything's a transaction like that.

[B]

Matt, how are you doing with your hair transplant? Great question. Hey, check it out. The baby hairs are coming in. It's growing in.

[A]

Are you so happy?

[B]

Yeah, we're close to three months. Three months in on the hair transplant, and you can see, like, the little baby hairs coming in, and it's going to keep thickening up. They're going to get longer. In nine months, I should have the final result. So I've been wearing a lot of hats still because my hair looks whack. But I did recently get a haircut, and that made my hair look so much better because I couldn't get a haircut for a whole month after the surgery. Super excited to see what it looks like in.

[A]

Was gifted that head spa experience.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They were like, we want Matt to come, too. I was like, I don't think that he can. Because of.

[B]

Yeah, I might need to wait.

[A]

No, there was a lot of exfoliation on the scalp.

[B]

Oh, yeah, can't do that. No shot. There's all these rules. Like, I can't put dry shampoo in my hair. Technically not supposed to use hairspray.

[A]

I guess you did do it one time with an electric razor. Is that fine? That's. No, that's what they use anyway.

[B]

I can't use clippers on top of my head. Oh, so no, you have to just use regular scissors. It's all these rules. There's a whole. They handed me, like, a bible of rules. They're like, here you go.

[A]

You and rules. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, I probably broke in a couple. They said we couldn't.

[A]

It's looking good. I feel like we're starting to see the first little. Little buds.

[B]

They said we couldn't be intimate for, like, two weeks. Two or three weeks. We definitely broke that rule. I was like, you can't tell me. You can't tell me not to do that.

[A]

You can't tell me. Well, I can tell you, but they can't tell you.

[B]

Yeah, you can tell me. They can't tell me.

[A]

I wasn't gonna tell you that.

[B]

All right. Okay. If offered, which one of you would go on Dancing with the Stars? Oh, I feel like it would be Abby, because you are. You're like a freaking ballerina.

[A]

No, I am. I haven't danced in so long, I have zero. I have very little confidence in my dancing abilities. But I do think that. I think you would be a better option, especially as a male.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because you're a male that can dance. I feel like.

[B]

I know I took dance from the age of nine.

[A]

That makes you a really good candidate because I feel like it's harder for them to get guys and then also guys that can actually stay in the competition. Like, you would do really well. You could win it.

[B]

That's very nice.

[A]

But I do think it would stress you out a ton.

[B]

Oh, it stress me the crap out. But it'd be so much fun, though. It'd be like. It'd be like doing drugs, like, being up there.

[A]

Yeah. You would love to be performing in front of a crowd.

[B]

My heart would be like, if you go crazy.

[A]

But I also think the fact that you'd have to memorize choreography, like, from Monday and then perform. When do you. When they start? On Wednesday, probably, and then perform it on Tuesday.

[B]

You have a week to learn the choreography.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For one dance?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's so easy.

[A]

I don't know. Your turn.

[B]

I used to. I used to have to learn dances in an hour. It was like, hey, here's this entire freaking musical number. Learn this.

[A]

I know you're a lot. You're a little rusty, but.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Having a whole week to prepare is insane. I would crush that. No, seriously, because, like.

[A]

Okay, put it in.

[B]

Let me say this. When I was in a chorus line at the Muni where Abby and I met, I had to do the opening number, and it's very freaking hard dance. There was a triple pirouette.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And it was, like, very hard to, like, just all the kicks, all the turns. There was. That opening number In a Chorus Line was tricky, but I practiced it like crazy. And after. I want to say after, like, two or three days, I had it solid. But that was my. That was my issue. Like, I could never learn choreography fast because if they taught it, like, when you do a dance audition, they teach you a dance in about 15 minutes, and you're expected to perform it. So in 15 minutes. My, like, short term memory, Quick. Whatever. I suck at that. Like, if you give me 24 hours, though, I can crush the dance. Yeah. I just need time to like, get it in my body.

[A]

I think Matt would be a better candidate.

[B]

Well, I would. I would love to root for you.

[A]

I would have a lot of fun. I would be so thrilled and so honored.

[B]

This is an ad by BetterHelp. Shorter days are upon us, y'. All. With you know, that seasonal depression creeping up on us, it might be a good time to reach out to a family friend or a work colleague just to check in on people and see how they're doing.

[A]

And I feel like often when we do take that jump to reach out to friends and loved ones during a harder season, we always think, why didn't I do this sooner? That's also how I felt when it came to therapy.

[B]

Therapy has been a huge benefit to our lives. Not only do we do couples therapy, we also do individual therapy. We've been going through a lot of crap in our life recently, which we've been very open about on this podcast.

[A]

And I think that's why we're such big fans of BetterHelp, because it is certainly one of the most convenient and quickest ways to find a therapist that works with you and your schedule. Because with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms, having served over 5 million people globally.

[B]

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[A]

This month, don't wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] Unplanned podcast. That's betterhelp.com Unplannedpodcast.

[B]

How was your trip to Disney? Amazing. It was so fun. We actually did an entire YouTube vlog that you guys should go check out.

[A]

Now that we have a kid that is over 40 inches, that unlocks a whole new, like, level of Disney for us as a family.

[B]

Dude, he's three. He can go on the the Space Mountain.

[A]

He can go on Guardians of the Galaxy, he can go on Rise of Resistance, and like, all these big rides are now, like, there's very few rides he can't go on at this point. So it's really, really fun. And I think it was just, like, really cool for the two of you, because obviously I was with Augie, but, like, for the two of you to get to, like, dad and son go on these big rides for the first time, and I think that was, like, really special. And it was also just really special for Auggie to, like, you know, he's so in love with, like, the characters, and he's just fascinated by Spider man. And so getting to see him, like, crawl up a wall and fly through the air, like, shooting webs. Like, he was just. I literally took a video. So it's so funny because, like, that's what they say, like, about parents. Like, parents are always, like, when you become a parent, you stop, like, recording what's going on around you and then recording your kids watching what's going on around you. Like, my whole video of Spider man doing his really cool routine was just Augie's face just like. Like, he was just in frozen with awe and wonder. And that was like, oh, I'll never forget.

[B]

They've been begging to go back, so we're probably going to go back at some point.

[A]

Should we go back?

[B]

Of course we should.

[A]

My parents are going in November to Disney World, and we were like, might crash their trip. Crash their trip. They would love for us to crash their trip.

[B]

That'd be awesome.

[A]

That'd be so fun.

[B]

Do you ever miss life before kids? I would say I used to, but I don't anymore. Like, now, like, the parenting thing has become so fun that it's like, this is so much better.

[A]

So used to it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, you get so used to not having the freedom that you used to have. Like, there's a lot more hoops you have to jump through to do things that you used to do so easily.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But that just becomes your new normal, and then it's like, but you have so much more to gain by having them. Like, in your family.

[B]

There's just so much purpose in, like, raising kids.

[A]

But I'll always look fondly on our early years of marriage. No kids. Like, I'm so glad for the timeline that we had. Like, everyone's timeline looks different, but we had, like, what was it, two years? No, we had over two years. We had three years.

[B]

Three years of no time of just.

[A]

The two of us. And, like, those three years were just, like, so spontaneous, adventurous, like, honeymoon love, like, but also just, like, figuring there's like, there's just such good memories. I think back to that time so fondly. But I love where we're at.

[B]

Best thing to bring on the plane to entertain toddlers. Probably just your phone, honestly. An iPad.

[A]

No, not an iPad. We do give them our phones on the plane.

[B]

Like, on the plane. Dude. There. You don't want to have your kids screaming their face like that.

[A]

Free range. We'll download a show on Disney plus for them to watch on the plane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or for Augie. We usually download Ms. Rachel.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now Star wars. Or Star Wars.

[B]

We're working through the start. Dude, Augie loves Star Wars. We watched the entire episode one together. He's obsessed. He loves it.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Yeah. I think. But also, our boys know that we have. We're pretty, like, restricted, not restrictive, but, like, we don't. They don't have free access to screens in our house. But they do know that on planes they have free access. And so they definitely take advantage of that.

[B]

Yeah. I think Griffin's watched the Paw Patrol movie. At least 50.

[A]

We bought it on YouTube. And he's. Every time he wants to watch that.

[B]

Did he watch the Paw Patrol movie on the left?

[A]

No, he watched Zootopia. Ah.

[B]

Why do I want to take him to Shanghai to go see the Zootopia park? I think that'd be such. I could make. I could document that, too. Be like me and Griffin watching Zootopia on the plane going to Shanghai.

[A]

Well, they're making a Zootopia, too.

[B]

And for that reason, too. We could watch Zootopia 2. Then we could go to the Shanghai park and, like, get the big lollipop that. It's like the Popsicle. They have the Popsicle. And then they have the little paw lollipop too, from the movie. They're both.

[A]

Okay. Well, why can't Minagi come?

[B]

Well, because I don't think you guys would want to.

[A]

No, I want to.

[B]

You want to?

[A]

Well, family.

[B]

Family trip to Shanghai.

[A]

I'm having a hard time making future plans.

[B]

Is it easier to travel with a baby or a toddler? Really? Depends.

[A]

Like, are we talking with a toddler?

[B]

We're talking about a newborn. Because, like, a newborn, if they're sleeping easy. Yeah. If they just sleep, sleep, sleep like bro.

[A]

But then when they get easy for you because you don't have boobs.

[B]

But no, no. When Augie was. This was like a year and a half ago. When he was. When was this, anyway? When he was one and he, like, could crawl and stuff. Oh, managing that kid On a plane because like you give. You put on Ms. Rachel. He didn't care about Ms. Rachel at that point.

[A]

Be honest. His main problem is being restrained. Like, having to sit in a seat that's buckled is like basically torturous for him.

[B]

So there's that like that age where they're mobile, yet they can't talk, yet they aren't going to like chill and watch a show for 45 minutes.

[A]

That's the hardest time.

[B]

Like. Yeah. So for us at least it was just like a full on, like he just.

[A]

12. 12 months. I would say 10 months to almost 2 years was really hard.

[B]

I mean, Auggie's gotten significantly easier on planes and moments. Yeah.

[A]

So I'm going to say he's an outdoor cat. Okay. You can't put an outdoor cat indoors and expect them to behave.

[B]

You cannot.

[A]

We just always are like, whatever you need, buddy, we'll do it. We got it. I try to like cater to him.

[B]

This, this next one. Car seats on planes or loose kids.

[A]

Car seats help them fall asleep.

[B]

Yes. No, bringing the. There's a. The doona car seat which can like fold up and go in your car and then be like a stroller. We would take that on the plane when Augie was in that stage. And then he like one time he actually fell asleep in the car seat. I wish I. One time. So I wish that we would have done that from the start. Because if you fly. Oh, I think they're changing their policy. But Southwest, when they were like an.

[A]

Open seat, if there was seats, you could just pop your duna.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We wouldn't even seat next to you.

[B]

We wouldn't pay for a seat. We wouldn't pay for his seat. But we'd go up before we boarded.

[A]

The plane and say, you guys, it's changing soon.

[B]

It's going to change soon. But we would see if they had any open seats and then if they had open seats, then we would just.

[A]

Bring our duna on rather than checking it at the gate.

[B]

But if you like, if you are nice and become friends with flight attendants, like, they, they'll help you out sometimes. We've had, we've had flight attendants before that aren't the nicest, but there's been a ton of very kind, very helpful flight attendants.

[A]

Think about how tired they must be.

[B]

Yeah. It just never know what day you're gonna, you know, meet them on. Right. They could, they could be coming off of like a 12 hour journey and they're exhausted and they just don't want to deal with Kids stuff. So, yeah, it's. If you. If you want to, like, secure an easy flight by the. By the ticket. If you want to go the budget route, try to, like, try to, I don't know, be nice to the flight attendants. They might help you out.

[A]

Yeah. A lot of times we spent just, like, standing by the bathroom.

[B]

Yeah. That was actually the next question. Get them their own seat or. No, we have to now. Like, they both.

[A]

Yeah, they're both over two, so they both get their own seat. But we are the kings and queens of not buying them the seat until they are two. Like, we literally bought Augie a flight when he was one year and 363 days old.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we switched for the flight home. Like, the return flight, he was a ticketed passenger, but the flight there, he wasn't like, it's just. You got to take advantage of that advantage while you have it. A free seat. Well, not a free seat, A free ticketed passenger.

[B]

These are a lot of. These are travel questions, by the way, because we do a lot of traveling with our kids. We have one thing you love about traveling with two littles and one thing you wish you could change. Yeah, I think I just love, like, seeing the world through their eyes and.

[A]

Yeah. Experiencing things for the first time.

[B]

Yeah. And I think. I think when the older they get, the easier it is, I would say, for them to travel for sure. Especially, like, there's just less diapers to change. You can communicate.

[A]

We're less rigid with nap times.

[B]

Yeah. Nap like Griffith with Griffin. He can skip naps now because he.

[A]

Don'T pack as much diapers. Yeah. So it's just way less gear. I actually posted on my story, I was like, one day you're perfectly timing your flight. You're like, you're spending extra to just fly at the perfect time for your kids eating and nap schedule. And you're flying with all of these suitcases of gear and supplies for your baby. And then the next day, you have two toddlers and you're flying backpack only. Smack dab in the middle of their nap time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it happens so quick. So if you're in that stage where it's, like, really tough to travel with your baby or your baby. No. Still travel. Because I do think it's good for them to, like, you know, learn that they can still survive and thrive outside of, like, the walls of their house and their really strict routine and all of their comforts. I think it's good for them, but it does get so much easier. I'M sure some things get harder, but I would say overall the experience is a lot easier.

[B]

100%.

[A]

Wait, what was the other part of the question? What's something you wish you could change?

[B]

Wish you could change? I would say, like, I wish we wouldn't have flown with so much stuff before. Like, we used to. This was so stupid. Our podcast gear takes up like three suitcases. So we would try to like to save money, like include a podcast recording. If there was a guest in a different state and then we had like a trip there, we would like take our kids and then take all the podcast gear. And then I would be like hauling like 10 suitcases through the airport. It was just a nightmare. So recently we went to Disney. We did backpack only. Oh, my gosh. So convenient. So convenient. I mean, there was just not that much stuff to carry.

[A]

Yeah. To us in the airport struggling to carry everything.

[B]

Why did we do like.

[A]

No, I'm talking about this past trip. We still had a lot to carry.

[B]

Okay. Even then.

[A]

Car seats.

[B]

It's the car seats.

[A]

Yeah, but you know, they'll be in those car seats for a while, so we better make friends with them.

[B]

But the car seats, though, you can get these lightweight ones. Those are like, what, they weigh like five pounds.

[A]

Oh, yeah, we got. They're just from Amazon. They're like Contigo or something. But they're really lightweight. They're really cheap. And you can get a bag to go with them so you can wear as a backpack.

[B]

And we have. What's the best age to travel with kids that you've experienced so far? Definitely a three year old. Like, he can do. He can do everything at Disneyland, essentially. He is extremely.

[A]

Basically a full grown adult.

[B]

Yeah, he's basically like just. Yeah. Another. He's just our friend. Like, he's just hanging out with us.

[A]

Such a dude.

[B]

Yeah. He goes to the bathroom on his own.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't have to wipe. Okay, I have to wipe his butt.

[A]

But, like, we don't have to wipe him.

[B]

Yeah, I mean that every. That I had my parents wipe my butt when I was three. Like, everybody does.

[A]

No, actually no. A lot of preschools. Apparently a lot of preschools. They. You can't go until you wipe your own booty. Because I guess it's a probably a safety policy.

[B]

Oh, I guess we need to teach him how to do that.

[A]

Well, he's not going to preschool, so. Yeah, I miss.

[B]

Hey, we'll work on it. That leads into our next question. How do you navigate potty on the plane? We Just, we try to go before the plane. And then if he has to go on the plane, we just. We just go.

[A]

Honestly, I kind of like when they have to go on the plane. It's my hot take. It's a fun activity.

[B]

Get to, like, stand up.

[A]

You get it breaks up the flight. Like, it's like, okay, we got an activity right now. We're gonna go to the potty.

[B]

I do that myself. Like, I try. I go to the bathroom.

[A]

Is that why you go that many times?

[B]

Like three times on the plane?

[A]

I. Trust me, I know you go a lot of times. And that's why it stresses me out when you're like the middle seat and someone has to get out a lot of times for you.

[B]

But if someone's. If I'm in the middle seat, I'm gonna only get out like once, maybe twice.

[A]

Sometimes you do it way too soon. Like, I like, this guy's probably thinking, did he just go to, like, did he not empty out?

[B]

People are like, who the frick does this guy think he is, man? He's. He's going to the bathroom three times.

[A]

Like, there's acceptable time. You have to wait before you go.

[B]

No, I break that rule. I don't care. I don't freaking care.

[A]

You have a tiniest bladder.

[B]

I do have a tiny bladder. What is up with your. Your bladder is insane. You can hold your pee, like, so long. I don't understand it, but I still.

[A]

Pee my pants, actually.

[B]

That's true. We do feel good.

[A]

Thank you to Little Spoon for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Every parent knows that feeling when you have a failed dinner, meaning your toddlers have refused to eat what you have fixed.

[B]

This happens literally every day to us, you guys.

[A]

There's a lot of negotiations happening, but at the end of the day, we just want them to have full bellies. And that's why I have stopped stressing over last minute meals and started using Little Spoon.

[B]

Their recipes are made with pediatricians packed with hidden veggies, and somehow our kids still ask for seconds. Everything's made with real ingredients. No artificial flavors, sweeteners, or dyes. And it's the rare combo of convenient and healthy.

[A]

Absolutely. So convenient. The fact that they're ready made meals I can just pull out of the fridge, take off the lid, and they can just dive in. That is priceless as a parent. Oh, and here's the exciting part. Little Spoon is now in Target. Plus Target has an exclusive frozen line. Think their cult favorite, chicken nuggets, meatballs and sliders and you can find them in the snack and freezer aisles.

[B]

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[A]

That time is there kids, like, as soon as you sit down in your seat, a timer starts.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

For your kids, like before they combust.

[B]

You let your kids sprint around the airport, you know, crawl around on the floors, do whatever, get all their energy. Not that, but maybe not crawl on the floor. Well, but if they do, because they will do that. Just like, try to remember to like sanitize your hand a little bit.

[A]

Tag.

[B]

Yeah, do some tag.

[A]

Do whatever.

[B]

Find the playground in the airport.

[A]

Yeah, we love airport playgrounds.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But yeah, we wait until like we're the last people the board usually. Not like we don't. We just follow the last person in because their little attention spans.

[B]

Next question. Have you guys ever used a child leash while traveling? Actually, we have. Is that, is that controversial? Is that like, are people opposed to that or something?

[A]

I'm sure it is.

[B]

My parents did that with me and I, that. I feel like that's a safety thing.

[A]

When you have a baby and a toddler and maybe even three or four kids. Like, it's literally just a safety thing. You have to keep your kids together.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it wasn't like he was like sad about it. Like, we haven't used it, haven't had to use it recently. It's obviously better to have just more hands on deck if you're gonna go somewhere with really little kids that's very busy. But yeah, I think it's just a safety thing. I don't have any problem with that. Yeah, it doesn't hurt them. I don't. I don't see the problem.

[B]

Yeah, I agree.

[A]

It's not like I'm go, I'm taking my kid out on walks with it. It's only when there's like a ton of people around.

[B]

Yeah, you're like in a crap. You're like, I don't want you to.

[A]

Get Kidnapped also or run away.

[B]

We didn't do this at Disney, but one of our friends had an air tag on their kid. I thought that was.

[A]

We need to do that.

[B]

Put a little air tag on their shoe and then you can like if.

[A]

They can get away.

[B]

So God forbid, get away. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

There could be shady people. You never know.

[B]

How is it to navigate nap time when you're traveling? You know, we ran into this issue on the way home from our trip because we traveled at. I think our flight left at 2:00'. Clock. 2:30. Right.

[A]

2:30.

[B]

And their kid, our boys. Nap time is at noon. So we just like essentially skipped nap time and it was hard.

[A]

Put them to bed early. Our kids are not sleep on the go kids.

[B]

They don't sleep on the go.

[A]

They've never.

[B]

They both did not fall asleep on the plane. We even brought the car seat. I brought our kids car seat. Our two year old carcass. Tried our best, didn't work.

[A]

Wait, can I actually tell you something?

[B]

What?

[A]

I was walking past this mom who had two toddler girls that were probably about the same age as our kids. I think their oldest was a little older than our oldest and their youngest was a little younger than our youngest. But like they were very similar. But they had two girls.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they were sitting in their double stroller unbuckled. And in my mind I was like, what did this mom do special to have her two kids sitting in their stroller unbuckled and they're not trying to hop out? I know. I'm like, is it just because they're girls? Like I know that's unbuckled in their stroller. They would be bailing like you would not believe. Like they would not even sit down. Like they have to be buckled in to like know that they can't jump out and run away.

[B]

No, I think, I think it's just like our, our boys are our. They're all boy. And I know that's like a stereotype, but they, they really are. They just, they want to get dirty. They want to play in mud.

[A]

I know a lot of girls are like that too.

[B]

Yeah, there's girls that like, there's, there's also boys that like to put on PR princess dresses and, and play with like have tea parties, you know, like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You have, you have the, the exceptions on both sides.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But like the stereotypical response is that's just not our.

[A]

But I feel similarly when I see parents pushing their toddlers around in strollers and their toddlers just passed out like Asleep in their stroller.

[B]

I'm like, yeah.

[A]

How did they get them to do that? I think like, our kids could be like, so exhausted, but there's not a chance they would even close their eyes for an extended period.

[B]

Would be our youngest on a long car ride. If he's in a car.

[A]

Maybe in a car.

[B]

He would maybe in a car. But our oldest in a car, strollers never. Our oldest in a car, maybe, maybe if it was a very long car ride and he was like way past nap time, very tired, he probably. There might be a ch. Maybe.

[A]

There's a very slim chance.

[B]

How do you navigate a full day at Disney with kids? We've. We've basically just like, go to the park in the morning, come back to the hotel.

[A]

I think that's the key. Come back for a little siesta. Even if your kids don't, this works great. If your kids will nap, which our kids will nap. But even if they don't, I think it's good to like, go during the day when there's like less crowds. Get a lot of stuff done. Get your day kicked off. Because you're already probably starting your day off early with little kids. Take a break. And it kind of just helps them, like, there's so much stimulus in Disney World. It kind of helps them decompress and like chill out a little bit. And if they can sleep, that's even better. Kind of just cool off, you know, wash their hands and like just change their outfits, maybe get reset and then go back to the parks and then keep them out a little later than you normally would have because they got that rest in the middle of the day. That works out best for us.

[B]

100%. Next we have some like, financial questions, which thank you to whoever asked these because I love answering financial questions. I actually wanted to be a financial planner before I became a YouTuber. So this is kind of. This is kind of fun. It says how to budget with littles and wanting to do all the activities, trips, toys, etc. I think it really just comes down to like, looking at how much money you have coming in and then deciding on, okay, this is. This is the percentage of that dollar amount that I want to put in savings. And then with whatever's left over, you got to create a budget.

[A]

As far as low cost toddler activities, I would just say take advantage of what your community has to offer. That's like what we've done. Like, look at your libraries. Look at like your community center. Look at like, there's. So I can Tell you so many that are local to us.

[B]

Trunk or treat, like we just went to it. There was a old folks home that had a trunk or treat.

[A]

Yeah, that was a fun activity. We're also doing one at like a little kids like activity. There's just look at what's going on in your community because there's usually a lot of good events, especially I would say start with libraries, fire stations do things, police stations do things. Like there's a lot going on and a lot of those are free. So.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And kids think it's really, really fun.

[B]

Next we have. Is it important to marry someone with somewhat similar levels of financial stability? I don't, I don't think so. But I do think that if somebody is like in a lot of debt, you probably should have at least a conversation about what that looks like because you don't want to like if someone's in like, I'm going to give an extreme example, a quarter million dollars of student loans. That's a lot to take on. Like you're taking on that financial burden with them if you're combining your finances and you know, joining everything together, which a lot of married couples do and we did. So, you know, you might, you might really want to seriously think that through.

[A]

Yeah. I also think that financial statuses change dramatically throughout your lifetime and marriage is like a life long decision. So it's like, don't make this your, like at the top of your priority list. But it is definitely something to consider because when you agree to marry someone, you are taking on all of them and that includes their debts, their everything, you know?

[B]

Yeah, 100%. How did you get started with investments? When I was working at a financial planning firm, I ended up just like starting it myself. I just opened up a Vanguard account, which actually is really easy. It took me like 10 minutes to do that. And then from there I just, I think I fully funded my Roth IRA in college because I had saved enough to then put into the Roth. And what I love about Roths is it's like saving. If you're in America, it's, it's for your retirement and you pay the taxes on the front end, but then you're never taxed on that money ever again. You're never taxed on the gain. So if you invest $6,000 and after 50 years it grows to be, I don't know, 100 grand, you're not taxed on that when you take it out, which is awesome. Like, that's really, really cool. Love Roth IRAs. If you have. If you don't. If you don't know what a Roth IRA is, look it up. Because I love Roths, and I want to fund our kids. Roths, too, right? Oh, actually, we did.

[A]

So nice.

[B]

We actually did do that. Should you tell your spouse about your credit card debt or keep it a secret? Definitely. Definitely tell them. Definitely don't keep that a secret.

[A]

Why would it be a secret anyway? Because usually, I guess maybe if they're. Their credit card is separate. Like, it's only there.

[B]

Yeah, well, technically, I mean, there's nothing stopping you from opening up a credit card and not telling me about it.

[A]

Oh, that's true.

[B]

Mmm.

[A]

Great idea.

[B]

We've just always told each if we've ever opened up a bank account or so that is.

[A]

Maybe they're in a. Well, maybe they're in a financially abusive relationship.

[B]

That's true. And it could be, like, a way to get back at their spouse because they're mad at them.

[A]

No. Like, maybe someone's withholding funds from.

[B]

Oh, frick, that's not good. Yeah, go tell somebody that cares about you about that, because you should not be keeping that a secret.

[A]

Yeah, it's really serious.

[B]

What was the hardest thing about getting married young? What would you say? Maybe the judgment. That was maybe for me, like, I felt.

[A]

I didn't feel judged.

[B]

Oh. Maybe it was all in my head, but I was just, like, intimidated by that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, I thought people were, like. I didn't want to be viewed as, like, a child, you know?

[A]

I'm gonna be honest. I don't.

[B]

Which is funny, because somebody called you a child bride. That didn't mean for you to hear that, but. Yeah. But you still heard it.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I guess it's a personality difference.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I. Yeah, I would say that it wasn't hard. I don't know. It really was so fun.

[B]

It was really fun.

[A]

It was so fun.

[B]

And it's funny, like.

[A]

And it's still so fun that we have that history together. We talk about it all the time, like, yeah, you're my high school love.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, how cool is that that I'm married to my high school sweetheart?

[A]

I know. And. And it's, like, really, really special.

[B]

We beat the odds. Oh, yeah.

[A]

I don't know. I really don't think it was hard. I don't think it was. It felt very natural. It felt like the. The most natural next step in our relationship at that. And we just so happened to be young.

[B]

Next question is, did your finances change following your podcast with Ramit, if you guys haven't seen the episode. We interviewed Ramit from How to. Is it. Is it the Netflix show How to get Rich? Is that what it's called on Netflix? He has his own Netflix show. It's pretty cool. He has a book on how to build wealth. I think it's called How I will teach you to be rich. Wow. It's been like a year since we interviewed him, but very smart guy, very good with money.

[A]

Yeah. Now every time I see a book, I'm like, this is my rich life. And I get it.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Because he taught. He told us that there's certain expenses, you know, if you. If you budget properly, there should be certain expenses that you can spend, you know?

[A]

And I do think more about my relationship with money. After talking to him, I'm like, oh, I don't want to be, like, a worrier.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, thinking about that and then also just, like, facing those things head on. Like I was telling you the other day, I was like, sometimes I feel like I'm being smart with my money. When I worry about it, it's like it's actually doing nothing for me.

[B]

Well, the thing that I did and.

[A]

I learned that, like those money personalities from Hermes.

[B]

So I. What I used to do is manually invest our money. So we invest in ETFs, which. If you don't. If you don't know what that is, essentially, ETF stands for exchange traded fund.

[A]

You lost me.

[B]

And ETFs. That's. Okay. Let me, like, simplify it.

[A]

No, you're doing good.

[B]

ETFs, track and index. So that could be The S&P 500. That could be the NASDAQ. That could be. What's another popular one? The. Why am I forgetting the other main one?

[A]

S and P500.

[B]

The S&P500 is the most popular one, but.

[A]

Oh, did you say that one already?

[B]

I did say.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But yeah, they track. Essentially, what an ETF does is it tracks the performance of an index like the S&P 500 or the NASDAQ. And your return on that investment is essentially like how the market performs. We should probably put something in the show notes to better explain this. I'm also not a. I also don't have my license in financial planning. I never, like, finished out my tooling to get it. But anyway, that's what we invest in. And after talking to Ramit, we started doing automated investments. So rather than me manually investing, we have an automated amount every single month that goes out of our savings account. Into our investment account and is automatically invested. And it just like clockwork, is always happening. I don't even have to think about it. And I love that because it's just, yeah, it's just like dollar cost averaging every single month, you know, it's happening. And one day it'll grow to be hopefully a really big number because the time value of money is a real thing. And I love that.

[A]

Yeah, that's smart. Thank you to Nutrafol for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. If you're anything like me, you've seen a million ads about hair growth supplements and asked yourself, sure, but does this thing really work? I also felt that same way, but when I was consistently taking Nutrafol, I went to the hairdresser and got my hair cut and, and she was telling me, abbey, your hair has grown like double what I normally see between visits between my clients. Like, what are you doing? I'm like, well I am taking Nutrafol. Do you think that stuff actually works? And she said, absolutely. Her clients that use Nutrafol, she sees significantly more hair growth. Thicker, stronger, faster growing hair.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Do we want to ask sad questions again or no? Should we just ignore these?

[A]

I actually feel like there's more things to like. I feel like I kind of want to talk about some things cuz like I feel like things change as now we're like getting further and further out from the loss. Like I do feel differently about things. Okay, so I don't know.

[B]

Well, let's ask about this. Are you scared to get pregnant again with all the what ifs?

[A]

That was the question I wanted to answer, because I'm not, like, in the comment sections right now for my mental health. But. But I heard from our team that that was something that was like a discussion on our podcast and on our clips was like, why would you ask this question to someone so fresh from loss? And what I would say to those people is, you probably haven't gone through a loss, because when you've gone through something like what we've gone through, you're discussing the possibility of another pregnancy and the timeline on what that would look like in the same breath that you find out that you've lost your baby, because that determines how they go about delivery and everything. And it just.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's an important thing to consider for your own health.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Moving down the line. So I think that they were probably surprised because they probably didn't know that. But this has been a discussion since the morning that we found out about everything. And that's been something that we've talked about and thought about. And it's something that I feel a lot of hope in, but I also feel shame and guilt, and I feel it's such a, like, weighty thing. Like, I feel like maybe I would have felt differently about this had I not gone through the loss or. Everyone probably does feel somewhat different. But when I've talked to other women, like, the topic of another pregnancy is so layered and complex, but we're doing a disservice if we can't acknowledge that there is. There is hope there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If there is no hope there, then maybe it's something. It's just we're not doing women that have gone through this a good service. If we're not. If we can't talk about this.

[B]

Yeah, no.

[A]

And so it's like, especially you're taking my lead. We ran that question by me beforehand. I read all the questions before we filmed the episode. Afterwards, I said, oh, yeah, Like, I'm fine with everything that was said. Like, let's put it in. And so then people thinking, like, why would you ask that question? I'm like, oh, that's a. That's a daily conversation we're having and thinking about. And it's on my mind all the time. Like, I don't know. And I feel like a lot of people can relate to that. Like, you're thinking like you have. This is a reality. Is that something that I have to think about? I don't get to continue that pregnancy. That I had.

[B]

And I think it brings a lot of hope to, like, why, while it's still sad.

[A]

Oh, it's so terrifying and heavy and so different than it once was. But you're right. Like, there is hope there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I shouldn't feel ashamed for feeling that hope coming from that. You know what I mean? I shouldn't feel guilty for. For that being a desire that I have.

[B]

Gosh. And it's so dark, too, because I think, like, now pregnancy is scary because we know about what can happen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then I think about parents that have lost a child post birth. A child, like, whether it's a three year old or even, like, even it could be a 16 year old. Like, if to go through something like that must terrify you for all of your living kids, because then you're like.

[A]

Actually, I did want to talk about. Oh, sorry, go ahead.

[B]

Oh, you're good. It must just be terrifying for all of your. Just, like, regular, normal kids. Not. Not like, babies in the womb, because you're just, like, afraid of something happen. Like, for whatever reason, in my head, I feel like nothing could ever happen to Griffin or Griffin or Auggie, which I. I know that's naive to think that way, but I'm a very, like, optimistic person. And so, I don't know, I just like, reminds me that I always need to be, like, very protective of them while still, you know.

[A]

You are very protective of them.

[B]

I mean, I am. Yeah.

[A]

You kind of make fun of you. Yeah.

[B]

I'm obsessed with them, like, wearing helmets and all that stuff. But it's like, no.

[A]

Like, if you think they're about to get hurt, you. Can you sprint?

[B]

I sprint. I did wipe out on our turf about it. I was afraid Augie was gonna fall.

[A]

Well, no, I will say, though, I do feel differently about that than you. Like, I do feel like since the loss, like, I feel like I've told you I've been thinking about it. It's like there was, like, a jar in my brain that, like, so, like, this loss unscrewed the lid off of, and that's, like, this. This jar held, like, the things that, like, happened to other people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now I am the other people. Like, something that happened to me that I never thought would happen to me. Really. Like, I was always afraid of it, but I kept telling myself, like, that doesn't happen to me. That won't happen to me. Like, I know it's common, but it won't happen to me. Now that jar is off. So now in my brain, I'M catching myself being a lot more fearful about things that I never feared before that aren't even related to miscarriage. Like, I was on a walk, and I was like, I could get kidnapped. But, like, a lot of those fears I'm feeling now are related to Griffin and Augie and something terrible happening to them because, like, well, this terrible thing happened to our baby that I never thought would ever happen, and now something terrible, like, all these other terrible things that I thought would never happen could happen, and they could affect my children, and they could affect our family, and, like. So, yeah, I do feel, like, a lot more fearful now about everything. It just feels like anything can happen.

[B]

Next question is, what is something your friends have done for you that made this season easier? And, you guys, I know we've said this, but a meal train is so nice, especially after going through something.

[A]

You'll. Train is a website if you don't know.

[B]

Yeah. Meal Train is this website where you can set it up for somebody. People sign up to bring meals through different nights of the week. And so for. I want to say it was, like, two weeks that we had people.

[A]

I ended it.

[B]

Oh, you ended it.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

But, yeah, people just kept bringing.

[A]

People would have kept bringing after a meal.

[B]

I mean, it was so nice. We didn't have to cook or do any of that for two weeks. And Abby was able to have a lot more time to just go on a walk or read a book, and I would take the kids to go swim in our pool or we're just like, whatever. It just, like, gave us so much more time to think through everything and not have to, like, keep on going, if that makes sense. That was really nice. That was really, really nice.

[A]

Yeah. I think a meal training is, like, a great, great option.

[B]

And that doesn't even scratch the surface of the things that people did for us. I mean, we still are getting flowers from people sending us those edible arrangements. That was actually awesome because we could eat it. Like, me and the boys. Me and the boys loved the edible arrangement.

[A]

It's like, no matter what you do or give to somebody, it's just the fact that they know that they're seeing your pain that you're in, and they're showing up and saying, like, we're here for you. Like that. And that can be in so many ways. It's literally like, if you have that. If you have that motivation, you literally cannot go wrong. I really believe that.

[B]

Yeah. We also have never move on. But is there a time you would like to move on from this center of your lives. I don't know exactly what that means, but I'm guessing they're asking about, like, you know, we will never forget what happened, but, like, when do you think you'll be able to, you know, take the next steps forward? I think we're also. I think we're making progress now. I think I've seen you make some big strides. Like, the other day, you just seemed, like, so much happier, and I was like, abby, like, you seem so joyful today. Like, it was really cool to see that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so that's. That's awesome. I think. I think time heals, and I think. Yeah. Sorry, what were you gonna say? It seemed like.

[A]

No, I think you're right. I do think that. Yeah. Also to say, like, it's so hard because it's like, you. Like, you do feel good, but then sometimes you feel a little guilty for feeling good. But I knew from the beginning someone gave me this amazing advice. They're like, joy. Like, invite joy. You don't have to feel guilty or ashamed for feeling that in this season. If that happens, allow yourself to feel it and enjoy that. And so sometimes I feel that, and then sometimes sadness just wipes me off my feet. And I think that in the stage I'm in right now, I can go about my day almost as normal, but my capacity is so much lower. Like, my capacity for stress specifically is, like, very low. Like, I get overwhelmed really, really easily right now, or I get exhausted really, really easy right now. And actually, I noticed I've been showing you I've been losing my hair like crazy. And I'm sure some of that is related to postpartum situation, because I'm still, like, postpartum, and. And. But I'm like, that hair loss doesn't usually hit you till, like, several months out. Like, three, four months, and I'm not there yet. But I just think the stress of, like, the residual stress from everything is just, like, causing. I've shown you, like, clumps of hair.

[B]

No, that's very common. I mean, stress is. It's not even huge cause of hair loss.

[A]

The same pat. Sorry. It's not even the same patterns of hair loss as, like, postpartum, because usually that's, like, right here, but, like, it's not just right there. It's, like, a lot of hair I'm losing.

[B]

Well, your hair looks amazing. Looks super, super good.

[A]

Thanks. But, yeah, I do feel like where I'm at now, I can definitely go about my day, and I can act normal and feel somewhat Normal. But it doesn't take much though to send me right back there. Actually, so many people have referenced this. There must have been a video go viral. I think some psychologist or someone made a video about. Or a therapist made a video expressing, explaining the grief box. It's like there's a button. I'm not gonna explain it well, but there's basically like a button in the bottom of box. And this like trauma that you went through is like the box and then pain is the button and the ball is just like what activates that. And so sometimes like when you're so close out to a traumatic event, that ball is gonna bounce and press that button of pain a lot. And like basically all the time it's gonna hit it and be on there. But as your life moves on from that traumatic event, the box gets bigger and the ball keeps bouncing around and it's. Since it has more space, it doesn't press that button of pain as much. But when it does press it, it still hurts just as bad, but it doesn't hit it as much. And I do feel like that like we're at. We're just at the beginning of like noticing that like I'm like, the pain button isn't pressed. It was pressed constantly at the beginning. It's not pressed as much, but when it as much, it's still pressed a lot. But when it is pressed, it's just as painful.

[B]

What are you each doing to fill your own cup as well as each other? After loss?

[A]

I've taken a lot more time for myself. And like, I'm just so grateful for you like, that I'm able to do that. Like a lot of times I could talk about being stressed and exhausted. It hits like right at dinner time and then it like overwhelms me at dinner time. A lot of times, like I. Dude, like, I can really early in the morning, I can like keep going and chug along and chug along and chug along. By the by, like 5pm is when stress and exhaustion kind of like really hit me. And you like basically always take over and like step in for me. And that has given me like the space to like be alone and like journal if I need to take a bath and just kind of like, or go on a walk, like, do those things. Those things are all like, really good. Like in this time, like any form of like self care. Got a facial. Someone gifted me a headspace. It was so nice. And so it's just like taking those moments to literally. It sounds so frivolous. Or, like, extra. But I do think those moments that you intentionally take to recharge yourself, you will see so many more benefits in the long run in your marriage and in your family, because you are able to show up better for everyone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you have to be intentional about it. It's not, like, just, like, doom scrolling on your phone. You're, like, numbing out, and you're like, I just needed an hour. That's not. That's not intentional. If you intentionally are like, I'm gonna use this time to, like, recharge my batteries that. I feel like you will see benefits.

[B]

Yeah. You. You woke up with the kids two days in a row when I was sick, which was, like, really helpful for me.

[A]

I hadn't been doing that.

[B]

I was like, I've been sleeping a lot. I was like. Like, could not get out of bed. I was so exhausted from this virus. So that was super nice. But, like, the. Yeah, the mornings that I have spent with the kids, like, it's. It's something that I look forward to. Like, I literally. I wake up, and I'm like, I get to go read Star wars books to Augie.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And have a lightsaber battles. And that, to me, feels like something for me, because it's just like, what's. What's the point?

[A]

Like.

[B]

Like, I just. I just see so much purpose in family, and I see so much purpose and our kids and I don't know.

[A]

Therapy is also really great.

[B]

Therapy's great. I love therapy, too.

[A]

That's been really helpful.

[B]

And finally, we have. What is triggering. Wow. We're just going for the dark stuff now. I mean, now that we got all the fun stuff out of the way, let's just get. Let's just get to this really dark, sad, you know, topics. I try to make a joke out of that, because whenever I'm uncomfortable, I try to make jokes, but I'm not very funny, really. I would say social media, honestly, like, you know, there's something with the algorithm, especially with the stage of life we're in, the content we produce. We have a lot of friends that are parents and, you know, newlyweds, all this stuff. And we're so happy for everyone. But it's almost like every single time you open up your phone, there's like a new pregnancy announcement or gender reveal.

[A]

Or just someone's pregnant.

[B]

And so.

[A]

And you can just walk around Disney. There's so many bumps.

[B]

We're so happy for them. But, yeah, like Abby said, you know, you're at Disney. It's like, it seems like everyone has a bump, which I think. I think it just sticks out to you more now and sticks out to me more because we've been through this loss. But, yeah, that's. That's triggering. So it's. It's been helpful to be off social media to have, like, Abby basically just goes on to post stories.

[A]

Yeah. And even when I still go on to post stories, the only post I see is always pregnancy related. And, like, a certain part of me now feels guilty for making so much pregnancy content, but pregnancy is something that should be celebrated.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it is like, a life that is so valuable. And pregnancy content is really the only reminders I have of our daughter's life because we didn't get to see her outside the womb.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I. I cherish it, but right now I'm not in a place where I can consume it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, with it. Without pain associated with it. So. Yeah. There's that. Yeah. What was I gonna say? In general, I feel like right now I'm realizing how complex of a relationship I have mentally and emotionally with our pregnancy with our daughter. I was telling you, I was talking to our friends last weekend, and I was shocked because I was, like, telling a story about when I was pregnant, and I literally just used the phrase when I was pregnant, and then I was kind of, like, slowed down. I was like, with our last baby. Because I feel like my pregnancy with both of our kids, like, it makes so much sense to me. Like, that was me bringing you to this world. And now I'm just trying to rationalize that pregnancy because for a while, I felt like I wanted to erase that or like, I felt almost embarrassed about it. Like, I just. I feel like I have such a weird relationship with that pregnancy now. But I'm sure that's normal. And it's just something I have to work out. Because at first my instinct was literally to delete every video and picture off my phone and off our platforms from that pregnancy. And I was like, that. That's not right. That's the only. That's all we have of our pregnancy with our daughter. Like, that is something to be cherished and, like, held on closely to. But there is just, like, a level of just like. But what was this all for? Like, yeah. So I just have a complex relationship with it. And I imagine it'll even get more complex until it fits nicely into my brain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or maybe it never will. But that's where we're at.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's definitely the most triggering type of thing. But there's no, like, bad thoughts I have towards those people posting those things or people in my life that are pregnant. But, yeah, I do feel a little guilty right now because.

[B]

Why guilty?

[A]

I don't feel like I'm showing up.

[B]

For your pregnant friends or people with babies. Yeah, it's okay. That's okay.

[A]

I just, like, I hope that I'll be ready too soon, but I'm just still not there.

[B]

But I don't think nobody expects you to, especially after what.

[A]

I know, I know, but people have been so generous and kind to me. Like, I just want to return that favor, too.

[B]

I think. I think you. It just says a lot about your character that you want to do that, and I think you will. I think it's just, like, right now, the timing. You need some time to just, like, heal, and you will be able to return that favor to me in. And you've done so much for our friends. Like, before this. I mean, you were always making meals for people, just spoiling people, hosting people having book club. Like, you're. You're the best.

[A]

No, you're nice. I love you.

[B]

I love you too, sweetie. Okay, well, I think our kids need us. We're gonna go stop recording this, but thank you guys again for being here, and we will see. Oh, and if you haven't, like, been a part of this community, we'd love to, like, have you here. So if you could subscribe or put on notifications, whatever that is for you, we'd love to just, like, stay in touch. Because I want to say something like, more than half of our viewers aren't subscribed to the channel, which is crazy. So if that's you, maybe you should subscribe and just join the club. We love you guys. Thanks for being here.

[A]

Thanks.

[B]

See ya. See ya.