Losing my husband to cancer, pregnancy, and remarrying w/ Shay Martin

Summary

The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Episode: Losing my husband to cancer, pregnancy, and remarrying w/ Shay Martin

Date: October 1, 2025
Host(s): Matt & Abby
Guest: Shay Martin

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Overview

In this deeply moving episode, Matt and Abby sit down with Shay Martin, widow of Tanner Martin, who lost his battle with stage four colon cancer earlier this year. Shay opens up about their love story, the realities of caregiving, making the decision to have a child during Tanner’s illness, and her journey through grief, faith, and planning for her future—including thoughts on raising her daughter and possibly remarrying. Throughout, Shay shares candid and vulnerable moments, often laced with the same wit and humor that defined Tanner's outlook on life and death.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Initial Diagnosis and Processing Cancer (00:29 – 15:48)

• Diagnosis Shock: Shay recounts the initial moment Tanner was diagnosed after a colonoscopy revealed a massive tumor. At 25, they assumed it was likely treatable; scans later revealed it was stage 4 and incurable.
  • "The doctor comes in and this is when you know something's wrong. He, like, pulls up a chair and he, like, puts his hand on Tanner. He's like, I'm 99% sure that it's cancer.” (00:29, Shay)
• Tanner's Humor: From the beginning, Tanner coped with humor, even asking the oncologist if “stage four people” just get sent home, and bantering with nurses and family. This set the tone for how they handled years of treatment, even making others uncomfortable with death jokes.
  • "He seriously joked about dying from the very beginning." (12:14, Shay)
• Medical Realities: Shay provides a candid breakdown of medical visits, the cost of treatment ($3 million billed in one year alone), and the convoluted world of insurance and Medicare.

2. The Love Story and Building a Life (03:01 – 06:27)

• How They Met: Tanner was a Mormon missionary in Mesa, Arizona while Shay was a high school senior. They first met at Shay's family dinner, but only got together years later after connecting as friends on Facebook and a later kiss.
  • "Our hangout turned into a makeout, and then we started dating." (04:19, Shay)
• Early Years of Marriage: Both were marriage therapy students, working and studying together:
  • "We're really, really good friends. I think that's why we stuck it out through such hard times is because we were such good friends first." (05:54, Shay)

3. Living with Terminal Illness (07:24 – 24:51)

• Hospital Life & Caregiving: Shay balanced a master’s program, full-time work, and nightly hospital visits, sometimes working three jobs to cover living expenses since Tanner couldn’t work.
• Receiving Support and Advice: Early on, they received the advice to "not wait to do things," leading at times to travel and pursuing the life they wanted now, not “when he felt better.”
  • "When Tanner died, I had zero regrets about the time that I spent with him." (22:58, Shay)
• Choosing Parenthood Despite Prognosis: Shay and Tanner made the conscious decision to have a child via IVF, knowing Tanner's prognosis. They chose a daughter, with research suggesting children benefit from having the same-gender parent; Shay wanted to give a daughter as much time as possible with Tanner.
  • "Everyone has opinions on our choice to have a daughter, have a kid together, but I have no regrets." (23:04, Shay)
• Addressing Internet Criticism: Shay addresses the harsh criticism online about their decision to bring a child into a situation with an expected loss, and her belief in the loving support network for her daughter.

4. The Realities of IVF and Parenthood (29:43 – 34:12)

• Fertility Planning: Their oncologist recommended sperm banking before chemotherapy. Shay shares the unexpectedly comical, awkward logistics of creating embryos.
  • "You go into this room, and there's these magazines that are meant to help you... He's like, I couldn't do it there. So we had to go home and do it." (30:28, Shay)
• Embryo Decisions & Afterlife: They ultimately created 12 embryos, had genetic testing, and intentionally selected a girl based on research and personal desires.
  • "A daughter growing up without her dad, the statistics are still hard, but same gendered kids typically need their same gendered parents the most." (34:59, Shay)
• Maintaining Connection: Shay pays $85/month to keep the remaining embryos frozen, noting how hard it is for widows to let go of these connections.

5. Pregnancy While Caregiving & Final Stages of Illness (41:28 – 49:51)

• Caregiving While Pregnant: Shay poignantly describes the physical and emotional strain of being Tanner’s primary caregiver while also pregnant, recalling the daily grind of putting on his compression hose and supporting nightly routines.
  • "Every day, getting on the ground when I'm pregnant and helping him put on his compression hose...I don't know how, but I did it. That's love." (42:24, Shay)
• Transitioning Care: After their daughter was born, accepting help from family for both Tanner and their newborn was emotionally difficult but necessary.
• Tanner’s Final Days & Humor: Even as his health declined, Tanner retained his humor—insisting on watching Indiana Jones, making jokes, and even praying naked in front of friends.
  • “He would go like, like to the air, like he's beating up the Nazis." (49:11, Shay)

6. Facing Death, Grief, and Faith (51:03 – 57:28)

• Faith Challenges & Growth: Shay talks about her struggle and growth in faith, referencing the LDS talk "Faith to Not Be Healed," and finding God present in death.
  • “I had that in my mind from the very beginning…do I have faith for Tanner not to be healed?” (51:11, Shay)
• Hiring a Death Doula: Shay explains the role and comfort provided by a death doula, who facilitated paperwork, helped plan the funeral, created opportunities for important conversations, and even led meditative sessions on death.
  • "We have a death doula, someone that helps you leave this life." (52:09, Shay)

7. Afterlife, Grieving, and Legacy (56:10 – 81:09)

• Living Funeral & Documenting Tanner’s Life: The death doula suggested a “living funeral,” celebrating Tanner’s life while he was still alive, including the premiere of a filmed life story—activities Shay describes as both healing and joyful.
• Creating Memories for Amy Lou: Tanner left recorded stories, birthday messages, and annual gifts/charm bracelets so Amy Lou will always have tangible reminders of her dad.
• Financial and Community Support: Their GoFundMe wildly surpassed expectations, leading Shay to donate half to scholarships and nonprofits in Tanner’s honor.
• Funeral Wishes: Tanner’s funeral was a party, including Star Wars elements, Navajo tacos, and music mashups orchestrated by Tanner’s loved ones. Over 31,000 people watched the livestream.
• Continuing Bonds: Shay is candid about navigating future relationships, recounting Tanner’s blend of sweet and humorous wishes:
  • "You can remarry, but he has to sleep at the foot of the bed like a dog." (76:46, Shay quoting Tanner)

8. Tanner’s Passing & Reflections (66:01 – 76:11)

• Final Moments: Shay recalls Tanner’s last night, describing her intuition that it would be his final hours, his humor about "friggin Nazis" while watching Indiana Jones, and his clear, loving last words to her.
  • "Every moment I had, I just said, I love you, I love you, Tanner. And I went over and I just like patted him on his back and I just said. I just said, I love you. And he said, I love you too. Just so clearly. Yeah, my turn. He said, I love you too." (67:26, Shay)
• Family Togetherness: In his last moments, the family and baby Amy Lou surrounded Tanner, affirming his wish they’d care for one another.
• Processing Grief: While the physical departure was agonizing, Shay found immense peace and presence that day, underscoring the comfort of intentional preparation and connection.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On living intentionally:
  "Don’t wait to fulfill your dreams. Like, do them now with him." (23:04, Shay)

• Tanner’s spirit:
  "He loved to make people uncomfortable. Literally. I think that's his favorite thing." (13:14, Shay)

• On public judgments:
  "That’s so selfish to bring in a child into the world when you know the parent's going to die. …I have a lot of love to give Amy Lou…we all have a lot of love to give her." (36:23, Shay)

• Coping with loss:
  "It's really, really hard to see someone's body just happen, you know, to die like that. …But I try to live my life so intentionally every day now." (57:00, Shay)

• Preparing Amy Lou for the future:
  "We have this charm bracelet... every year I have a charm that he chose to give to her." (75:16, Shay)

• On remarrying:
  "Goofy Tanner would say, yeah, you can remarry, but he has to sleep at the foot of the bed like a dog." (76:46, Shay)

• On knowing and loving:
  "To be known is to be loved." (81:09, Host)

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Memorable, Heartfelt Moments (with Timestamps)

• How cancer was diagnosed and communicated. (00:29 – 00:59)
• Tanner’s death announcement video and intent to keep it unedited. (02:16 – 02:42)
• Decision process behind having a child amid terminal illness. (23:04 – 25:34)
• IVF process and laughter amidst the pain. (29:43 – 32:03)
• Shay pushing Tanner in a wheelchair into labor and delivery while pregnant. (41:28 – 41:49)
• Tanner’s final comments (“friggin Nazis”) and humor at the end. (47:36 – 48:17)
• Giving Tanner his final bath and saying goodbye. (67:26 – 74:13)
• The massive turnout for Tanner’s funeral and celebration of life. (60:43 – 61:19)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Topic | Timestamp | |------------------------------|----------------------------------------------------|------------------| | Cancer Diagnosis | Shay recounts the discovery and its shock | 00:29 – 00:59 | | Shay & Tanner’s Love Story | First meeting, marriage, and friendship | 03:01 – 05:54 | | Life with Cancer | Navigating hospital life and big financial picture | 07:24 – 11:41 | | Parenthood Decision | IVF, advice, and facing criticism | 23:04 – 25:34 | | IVF/Embryo Logistics | The real process and humor amidst it | 29:43 – 32:03 | | Loss and Letting Go | Shay’s caregiving, birth of Amy Lou, Tanner’s last days | 41:28 – 49:51 | | Faith Struggles & Growth | Facing existential questions and faith | 51:03 – 52:09 | | Death Doula & Living Funeral | Preparation and documenting legacy | 52:09 – 58:20 | | Funeral and Community | Star Wars touches, huge turnout, and GoFundMe | 60:43 – 64:50 | | Final Moments | Shay’s closing reflections and ongoing bond | 66:01 – 76:11 |

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Closing

This episode is a testament to the power of love, intentionality, and finding meaning in the midst of unimaginable hardship. Shay’s openness, humor, and resilience—along with Tanner’s enduring spirit—provide hope, inspiration, and a candid look into living and loving fully, even while facing loss.

To follow Shay’s journey and Tanner’s legacy:
Instagram & TikTok: [@tannerandshay] (Referenced at 81:34)

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“To be known is to be loved, and it's just so beautiful. I'm gonna think about that for a long time.”
— Host, (81:09)

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Note: All ads and sponsor sections have been omitted per instructions.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

The doctor comes in and this is when you know something's wrong. He, like, pulls up a chair and he, like, puts his hand on Tanner. He's like, I'm 99% sure that it's cancer. At that point, we didn't know the stage. He was 25 at the time. The GI was like, it's probably stage one or two because you're so young. They did scans and it was stage four. I haven't shared this on social media, but that night I just. I knew that it was his last few moments. I put Amy Lou next to him. You know, I don't know if she knew what was happening. She reached her hand out towards his hand.

[A]

Today on the unplanned podcast, we sat.

[C]

Down with Shay Martin, the widow of.

[A]

Tanner Martin, who lost his five year battle to cancer this past summer. Tanner made worldwide news when he announced his own death on social media.

[C]

If you're watching this, I am dead now.

[A]

I don't know about you, but losing.

[C]

A spouse probably is one of the.

[A]

Worst things a human could possibly go through. So I wanted to ask Shay about how she's doing.

[B]

What.

[A]

What Tanner's final days were like, we talk about hiring a death doula, how much it costs to have stage four colon cancer as well as having a baby girl. With Tanner's diagnosis.

[B]

I don't know if you watched his video where he announces his death.

[C]

That's actually the first video that I saw of you guys. And it really took me by surprise because he was so joyful. I know in the first couple of.

[A]

Seconds I'm like, this guy looks like.

[C]

He'S so much fun. Like, what is he about to say? And he's like, if you're watching this, I'm dead. And I'm like.

[B]

And then he laughs.

[C]

Yeah. Did he tell you that he was going to do that?

[B]

He had told me that he saw someone make a video announcing their death and that he wanted to do that. So I knew that much. And then I heard when he started to make the video and I was like, oh, this sounds like a private video. So then I just like went in the back and I don't know, was Clingy or something.

[C]

I thought it was really cool that the video was unedited and that he's giving you notes about, hey, Shay, if you want to cut this out, you can. And I'm just thinking this, that, and the other. What made you decide to keep all.

[B]

Of that in that video is who Tanner is. He is goofy and funny. He likes the shock factor. So I didn't want to cut any part of that out because that is, like, wholly who Tanner is and was.

[A]

Did you wait at all to post that video?

[B]

I don't know how familiar you guys are with the death process, but I waited until they came and they got him, and then I went to the mortuary later that day and then came home and then I posted it, and then I pretty much got off social media for a week because it was very overwhelming.

[C]

Holy cow.

[B]

Yeah, it was very overwhelming.

[C]

That is heavy. I want to talk more about that, but I think it would be good to start at the very beginning. I want to know about your love story, how you guys met. I know he got the diagnosis about two years into you guys being married, but talk to me about those, like, early years of falling in love and those first two years of marriage.

[B]

Tanner was a Mormon missionary in Mesa, Arizona, where I'm from. I was a senior in high school, very bratty, very, you know, self absorbed. And he was serving in, like, the area where I live. And one time he came over for dinner, and the way he tells the story is really funny because he was like, yeah, she was too cool to be there with the missionaries. My mom's like, don't you want to stay for dinner with the missionaries? And then Tanner's interpretation of Shay at 17 was, Mom, I have plans with friends. I'm like, wow, you make me sound really bratty. But, I mean, I was so at that time. So that's when we first met.

[D]

But you didn't stay for dinner.

[B]

I did not stay for dinner. I had friends to go hang out with. So that's what I. That's what I went and did. But I was really impressed with Tanner as a missionary because he was just really, really happy. Just really happy. And I'm like, wow, what a cool missionary. What a cool guy. Missionaries are off limits, okay?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, they're off limits. His first area was my home church and missions are two years, so he kind of served in the Mesa area, and I would see him around at different times. And then we reconnected after I served my mission. We were Facebook friends, and I slid into his DMs. Because I'm a brave girl. And. Yeah, so we just reconnected and just kind of stayed friends. And when I would go up to Utah, we would hang out, and then one time, our hangout turned into a makeout, and then we started dating.

[D]

That's a great story.

[C]

That's a wonderful story.

[B]

Out to make out to dating.

[C]

Okay, now I am curious. How long did it take you guys to get married after that initial makeout?

[B]

After the initial. The initial makeout was in January, and we got married in October.

[C]

Let's go see every.

[D]

Every person we know that's LDS. We're like. I feel like it's, like, 12 weeks to, like, maximum nine months that they wait from, like, meeting. And, I mean, it's pretty impressive.

[B]

You.

[D]

You know what you want, and you just go for it.

[B]

Yeah. I am a marriage therapist, and I would not recomm for anybody, but it worked out for Tanner and I.

[D]

That's awesome. How old were y' all at that point?

[B]

So I was 22 when we got married. He was 23.

[D]

And what were those first two years of marriage like?

[B]

It was just fun. Like, we were both working full time and also in school full time. We both wanted to go to school to be marriage therapists, so we.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[B]

I know. It was fun.

[D]

We had a very healthy marriage.

[A]

Probably.

[B]

Everyone assumes that, but. No, we were really. We're really, really good friends. I think that's why we stuck it out through such hard times is because we were such good friends first, but because we had the same major, we took classes together, so Tanner always got good grades because we were taking the same class.

[D]

You're like, I'm your tutor.

[B]

So I made sure he did his homework. I'm like, I know what homework you have.

[C]

Wait, that's. That's so funny.

[B]

Yeah, like, you're getting on to play Far Cry. I know you have homework. I know you just have to do it. I just did it.

[C]

Talk to me about Tanner's love of, like, games. Star Wars. I know he was a big Star wars fan.

[B]

He was a big nerd geek. Like, he loved reading. He loved playing Dungeons and Dragons. Warhammer 40K. I don't know how familiar you are with those things, but that doesn't ring a bell. D and D. Very nerdy.

[D]

I've heard of that.

[A]

I know D and D because of Riverdale.

[C]

No, the. What's that show? The Big Bang Theory. I think they play Dungeon and Dragons on that show.

[B]

Back in the 80s, they thought, like, kids were Like Possessed when they were playing D and D. That's really funny.

[D]

That's what they made it seem like on Riverdale. I feel like Dungeons and Dragons that they were playing.

[A]

Yeah, well, you know, that's why Harry.

[C]

Potter was, like, controversial at first. A lot of parents were worried about their kids getting into witchcraft because they're reading books about wizards and witches. So Abby's mom, as an elementary school teacher, sent home a, you know, release, like, you had to sign. Parents would approve the kids reading Harry Potter. And so, yeah, it was. It used to be a big deal.

[B]

That's crazy, right?

[D]

Oh, yeah. That's a big thing.

[C]

I love Harry Potter.

[B]

Yes, Harry Potter's great. Harry Potter, actually. Oh, this is really sweet. His dad read him Harry Potter growing up as a kid every night. And the night before Tanner died, he got out Harry Potter on his phone and was reading it to Tanner, his dad.

[D]

Oh, gosh, here we go.

[B]

I know. Me too.

[D]

Sorry, I gotta. That just came out of blue for me. I think I wasn't prepared. I was gonna be prepared once we got a little for further down, but I'm like, okay.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

I'm sure that was, like, a really sweet moment for his dad.

[B]

It was. I was sitting on the couch watching it, and I'm a documenter, obviously, as a content creator. So I snapped a shot of it, and it's really special. Yeah.

[C]

Talk to me about the diagnosis, because I can only imagine that came out of left field. Nobody was probably expecting that. You had. Absolutely. I mean, I'm sure Tanner probably didn't even think that colon cancer was a thing for people in their 20s. So how did all of that unfold?

[B]

Okay, so in the summer of 2020, Covid love that for us, he just started to have, like, bowel. Bowel stomach issues. And he had issues, like sitting down for a long period of time. He was just really uncomfortable. He could never get comfortable. Just a change in his bowels, which is really common with colon cancer. He went to the doctor numerous times. The doctor gave him some medicine, and it helped with his, like, stomach issues. But the issues just, like, they kept coming back. And so finally they're like, okay, you need to go see a GI gastrointestinal doctor. They looked at his gallbladder, and his gallbladder is fine. And they're like, okay, we're going to do a colonoscopy, because we just can't figure out what's going on with you. And at that point, he had started. I don't know how much is tmi but he had started having a lot of blood in his stool. So, anyways, they did the colonoscopy, and I remember sitting in the hospital with Tanner. He's coming off of anesthesia, and you think he's goofy in general. Like, Tanner on anesthesia is very goofy. So anyways, he's coming off of anesthesia, and the doctor comes in, and this is when you know something's wrong. He, like, pulls up a chair, and he, like, puts his hand on Tanner's leg. He's like, do you go by Tanner? And I'm like, yeah. He goes, yeah, he goes by Tanner. I didn't say that, but in my head, I'm like, this is weird what's happening. And Tanner's like, yeah, I go by Tanner. He's like, okay.

[D]

So this is while he's on anesthesia, like, heavily.

[B]

I mean, he's coming off of it. Okay, so he's like, with it enough to be there for the conversation. But I'm. I'm like, what the h is happening? He said, kate, we weren't able to complete the colonoscopy because about 10cm into your colon, there was a huge mass, and we couldn't get. There's a huge tumor. We couldn't get past it. And I was like. Like, I was just in shock. But my shock quickly turned into me crying, because you hear tumor, and you're like, cancer. And he's like, I'm 99% sure that it's cancer. And so Tanner was just in shock. I, like, it kind of took him a little while to start to cry. I was like, instant with my emotions. So shock, and then cry. And as soon as he called his parents to tell them, he cried. So at that point, we didn't know the stage. The GI was like, you know, it's probably, like, one or two, because he was 25 at the time. It's probably stage one or two because you're so young. And they did scans, and it was stage four.

[D]

You found out that day?

[B]

No, it was like. It was like a week later. But they did scans. They read the scans. The oncologist called us, and they were like, yeah, it's stage four. It's. It spread to his liver. So.

[D]

Gosh. And did you know at the time that that meant that it was terminal or.

[B]

No. So the way Tanner tells us is kind of funny. The first time we went to the oncologist, which was the very next day after going to the GI after getting the colonoscopy, the oncologist was like, yeah. This is what we do at stage one. This is what we do at stage two. Stage three is a little more intense. Stage four is considered incurable. And Tanner's like, so do you just send the stage four people home? Like, he just. Yeah. Do you just send them home?

[D]

He just wanted to use humor.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Always.

[B]

Also, at that appointment, he's like, so, like, what stuff can I get for free? Yeah, I know. Just always trying to make things light and funny. And he. He seriously joked about dying from the very beginning. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's just him.

[D]

Did that make it easier for you or did it make it, like, okay, now I'm the one who has to deal with, like, the seriousness of this.

[B]

Because you're made it easy. It made it light. But other people were like, do I laugh at your death joke? Sure. Like, one time we were at the dentist and my mom's a hygienist, so everyone there knew Tanner and knew what had happened, and he made a death joke, and one of the hygienists was like, I don't know if I should laugh at that or not. And that's how I feel. Like people responded.

[D]

That was very honest of her. I feel like I'll just be like, like, like.

[B]

Because I suppose I know, right?

[C]

Did Tanner get joy and, like, I don't know, did he think it was funny that people were uncomfortable when he would make those jokes?

[B]

Loves. Loved to make people uncomfortable. Literally. I think that's his favorite thing. He loved to make me uncomfortable. Every. Every time we would do a TikTok live, he would say something so inappropriate, and I'm like, sorry, guys.

[D]

I apologize.

[B]

I'm very sorry for my husband. He says very appropriate things. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

That's hilarious.

[C]

Who did he get that from? Was that like, his dad?

[A]

His grandpa?

[B]

I think it's his dad.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

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[C]

I love them.

[A]

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[D]

My grandpa also recently had cancer, which is obviously totally different. Going through it with like a grandfather than a 25 year old spouse. But I remember when they were talking about his diagnosis, they used the word palliative and I don't even think that like they did just kind of throw it in there. And like not everyone necessarily knows what that means. Basically like you said incurable. Like and they kind of just like threw that in there. And I remember later on they like asked each other in the car and my grandma was like, do you hear that word that he said? Palliative. Like they had. That was like the first time that. Because that, that is like something that you like as you're sitting talking with a doctor. I cannot even imagine hearing those words also and then like also coming to terms with that reality in such a. It's not cold, but it kind of feels cold like to. Just because it's medical. Right.

[B]

It's just like not emotional.

[D]

Yeah, it's not emotional. That has to be uncomfortable experience because that, that disconnect between like this is like uprooting our life. Like this is just, you know, crumpling everything that we had planned for our future. But then it's just like all in one word and in an office. Yeah, I can't even imagine.

[B]

We were lucky because we had an oncologist that was very, very compassionate. He, he came and visited Tanner on hospice. Tanner was ned, which means no evidence of disease for like three months at one point in his treatment. And our oncologist like took us to dinner with him and his wife and so we were really lucky to have such a compassionate team. The nurses were great. But a lot of the other areas of the medical Field during this experience that they are just. I think it's because they do it every day.

[D]

Right.

[B]

That it just becomes kind of like, you know, your job just kind of robotic, not as emotional. But in our oncologist case, we were very lucky. Yeah.

[C]

And what is an oncologist?

[B]

They specialize in treating cancer. So, like, chemo, and there's like, a radiation oncologist, which is a separate type, but oncologists get the chemo.

[C]

I mean, I don't know the exact numbers, but correct me if I'm wrong. Didn't Tanner go through numerous surgeries, like, round and round of chemo after another? Like, do you know the exact numbers of, like, what the surgeries were and all of that?

[B]

Yeah, everybody always asks me that, and the answer is no. I should probably go and figure it out so I can have an answer. But I know it's like. Like, really big surgeries. He had at least six. And then, like, procedural procedures. So, like, there's still. You still go under anesthesia. He probably had, geez, like, 40. He ended up having, like, 50 over 50 rounds of chemo, 11 weeks of radiation. A lot. A lot, a lot.

[D]

When it comes to, like, the bill for all of these procedures and surgeries, like, what does that look like?

[B]

Well, it depends on your insurance. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, yeah. Insurance. It's crazy because they think they. They hold, like, doctor degrees, the insurance.

[D]

Right. You don't need that.

[B]

Yeah, you don't need that type of pain meds. And excuse me, like, my doctor prescribed this for me, but for some reason, they get to decide.

[D]

I can't even imagine.

[B]

Yeah, so in our case, we were lucky because Tanner had good insurance because he's native American, and so there was, like, a special subsidy thing. So for, like, a huge part of his treatment, he was on this native American insurance. And then for the last two and a half years, he was on Medicare because he had been on disability for long enough. They, like, force you onto Medicare. So Medicare wasn't as great, but one year. Let's see, the total treatment was, like, $3 million for that year.

[C]

Holy cow.

[B]

Yeah, we didn't have to pay that, but that's how much insurance paid. And then we just had to pay, like, whatever the CO pays were.

[C]

But what is a copay for $3 million of bills?

[B]

Honestly, like, Tanner's insurance was really good that year, so I think it ended up being like, maybe 5,000.

[C]

Okay, that's good.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I was, like, panicking that for sure, insurance was good.

[B]

The Medicare insurance wasn't as great, but he didn't have the. The year of 2023. He basically lived in the hospital from, like, July to January of 2024. So it was a lot of hospital stays. And those are very, very expensive.

[C]

Holy.

[B]

Very expensive.

[C]

So that was the most. 2023 was the most expensive year for hospital bills.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I'm guessing at some point, you mentioning $3 million, you saw they must have, like, sent you something in the mail, and they summed it up, and it said 3 million.

[B]

Yeah. I could see on the, like, whatever app that I had for the insurance, I could see how much they paid out and then how much it, like, shows you, like, how much of your deductible or max out of pocket have you paid for the year? And so it showed me that.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So when you're. When he was in the hospital for that amount of time, did you just have to drive home every night?

[B]

Oh, yeah. That was hard because I was in my master's program at the time. I know. It was really tough. Oh, yeah. I was in my last year of my master's program, so. And I was working. So I would go to school on Mondays, and then I would work in the evenings as a therapist, getting my hours to graduate, and then I would drive to the hospital and then stay overnight, stay there Tuesday, and then go to school, drive back, go to school Wednesday, see my clients Wednesday night, drive back to the hospital, and then I would stay.

[D]

How far is that distance from the hospital?

[B]

40 minutes? Yeah, 40 minutes. So, yeah. So then Thursday through. Or Wednesday night through Sunday, I would typically be there every night just hanging out with him, eating the really good hospital food and doordashing a lot.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Was that. Was that before. After you were working three jobs simultaneously to help pay for expenses?

[B]

That was after.

[C]

That was after.

[B]

That was after. Thank goodness. Okay. Yeah. At that point, I was only working my therapist job, but, yeah, my first year of my master's, I was being. I was an adjunct professor, and I was working as a man office manager at a sex therapy clinic. And then I was a wedding photographer.

[C]

Holy cow.

[B]

Yeah, that was a lot.

[C]

And you did all that just because you guys needed the money?

[B]

Yeah. Tanner couldn't work. He didn't work, like, the entire five years. At one point, he tried to go back to work during the three months where he was. No evidence of disease. But then he started getting sick, and then we knew something was wrong. So, yeah, it was a lot.

[D]

That's so wild, even just to think about like, going from hearing that diagnosis to, like, even just making plans, like, I'm going to still, like, deciding to get your master's and deciding to, like, keep pursuing, like, was that weird to try to decide, like, okay, where do we go from here? Like, did you almost question everything that you had planned?

[B]

We had really good advice from the very beginning. Someone that my dad worked with had lost his wife to cancer, and he said, do not wait. Don't wait to do things until he's feeling better, because he may never feel better, so do everything you can right now. So I was like, all right, I'm gonna. I'm going to go to school. We're going to travel. We don't. We don't care about buying a house right now. So we were like, all right, we're going to travel. We're going to go the places we want. And we did that. And so that made it so. When Tanner died, I had zero regrets about the time that I spent with him.

[D]

So would that be your advice to someone if they. Their partner just to do everything right now?

[B]

I just had someone message me on Instagram telling me that their husband has stage four. I think they said stage four colon cancer. And she's like, I just feel so paralyzed. And I just told her, do not wait to fulfill your dreams. Like, do them now with him. So whether that. And everyone has opinions on, like, lots of people have opinions on our choice to have a daughter, have a kid together, but I have no regrets, and I am so grateful that we chose to live our life during those five years.

[D]

I. It's shocking to even hear that people feel confident enough to voice their opinions on a situation that they clearly haven't lived, but I'm not surprised. Tell me a little bit about that decision, because we also had Taylor Oldazil on our podcast, like, about a year ago, and they also had a child. And I feel like, you know, from an outside, that makes perfect sense to me, but I also am, like, in that time, that must be a very heavy decision to make. What was that conversation between you and Tanner like?

[B]

It was very, very heavy in 2023, when they found out his cancer was no longer curable, which they say stage four is not curable, but sometimes you get lucky.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

So at that point, we were like, all right, like, let's just keep doing treatment. And then they were like, it spread past your liver, so it's not going to be curable. There's always going to be cancer in your body at some point. So they gave him two to five years to live in 2023. And we were like, hey, what do we want to do with these two to five years? And Tanner, Me, too. But Tanner just wanted so badly to be a dad. He had such a good relationship with his dad growing up, and even as adults, they're like these really nerdy best friends.

[D]

That's so sweet.

[B]

It is really sweet. So he really, really wanted to be a dad, and I had always wanted to have a family. So at that point, we were like, all right, let's. Like, let's have a kid. And then he got sepsis and was in the hospital from July to January, 2024. So we held off on. On that dream. I had done an egg retrieval in. In the summer of 2023.

[D]

To plan before this happened.

[B]

Yes. To plan to do a transfer. An embryo transfer in September. And then we just held off. So we had 12 frozen embryos just waiting for when we made the decision.

[C]

To, I don't know a whole lot about, like, that process. So why. Why the summer of 2023? Why not do an egg retrieval in 2024? What was kind of the reasoning behind having those frozen eggs ready to go? Yeah, like, what does that process look like?

[B]

Well, we wanted to do a transfer in September, so. So our child would have as much time with Tanner as possible. Um, so that was the original plan. And then Tanner was too sick, and I was like, it's funny that I say this now, but it's like, I don't want to have a newborn and have my husband on. Be on hospice.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is literally what I lived.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, once we did decide to have a baby.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So when we made the decision to not do an embryo transfer, we decided, if you ever get on treatment again and the treatment is working and, like, stopping your cancer from growing or shrinking it, then we're gonna do the embryo transfer. So Fast forward to 2024. He was on a treatment that was working. His cancer numbers were going down. So In July of 2024, we were like, okay, I think we're gonna. I think we're going to try to have a baby.

[A]

We are talking about some very heavy topics in today's episode. So will you just take a deep breath with me? Sometimes, like, whenever I get stressed, I remind myself to do that, because I literally tell my kids do that when.

[C]

They get worked up.

[A]

And that's why I'm a big fan of Headspace. Headspace is the app that helps me and a hundred million people with their mental health and, well, being with guided Meditations, mindfulness practices, breathing and calming exercises, and so much more. They combine scientifically proven benefits, meditation and mindfulness with modern practices, and you learn from experienced meditation teachers. They even have a quick on the go program that helps get you in the right headspace in just a few minutes. The app has customized personalized approaches to help you navigate through all of life's moments, big and small. And I've personally found that in my life, if I ever just take a minute, listen to some calming music, especially.

[C]

With headspace, I think they have such.

[A]

An amazing platform for accessing meditations and calming music. It just. It just takes me out of life's frustrating, you know, intense, stressful moments. And it just helps to remind me that I need to slow down and just be at peace with who I am. Feel good, and mean it when you say it. For a limited time get headspace free for 60 days. Go to headspace.com unplanned that's H E A D S P-A C-E.com unplanned to unlock all of headspace free for 60 days headspace.com unplanned Tanner's oncologist at the.

[B]

Time said, you could be on this treatment for years. And at work, you never really know with cancer because at some point, it can just be like, I'm done. I'm done working with this stupid drug or actually drug that we love. But then it becomes a stupid drug because it stops working.

[D]

Is it hard to have hope then because you're like, this feels futile? Like, if it could just. Gosh.

[B]

I just came to a place of. I was tired of the roller coaster because it's very much a roller coaster, and it's really, really hard emotionally. I came to a place where I was like, cancer is going to take Tanner's physical life. I'm just so grateful for every single moment I get with him. And Tanner, you can tell by his videos he's very optimistic and hopeful person. And so his approach was very different than mine. Acceptance came a lot further down the road for him than it did for me.

[D]

Yeah, he had to fight, so maybe that's part of it too.

[B]

Yeah. And people say, like, this the spirit of the cancer patient, you really kind of determines how long they live. And he was. Has a really had and has a really strong spirit.

[D]

So, yeah, that's incredible.

[C]

With Tanner going, like, undergoing chemo and all these things, was it also, like, not safe to try for a baby because he has, like, all these, like, radiation, all these things going on in his Body. So did he almost have to, like, bank, you know, sperm at, like, a sperm bank sort of thing? And that's how they ended up, you know, putting. Putting the embryo together. How did that work?

[B]

Yep. So our oncologist was great. Before Tanner started treatment in 2020, he said, hey, you should. You should bank your sperm, because a lot of times people will come and become infertile after cancer treatment.

[C]

Really? Okay.

[B]

Yep. So we banked his sperm back in 2020. That was a fun experience. What was that like?

[C]

Why do you say that?

[B]

Because. Because you go to the clinic, and they give you this cup.

[D]

I've never heard anyone talk about this side of ivf.

[B]

Poor Tanner. He's so. Oh, yeah. He's like. The way he describes it is so funny. They're like. They give you this cup, and you go into this room, and there's these magazines that are meant to help you.

[D]

You're kidding.

[B]

I'm totally serious. Wait. Totally serious. And there's this chair.

[D]

I didn't know this.

[B]

And it's, like, covered with, like, this plastic stuff. And he's like, I could not get past how many butts have been on that chair and what they're doing. Yes. He's like, I couldn't. He could not do it there. So we had to go home. We had to go home and do it.

[D]

I'd rather you not look at those magazines anyway.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I was just like, I could do that.

[B]

Yeah. So we went home and did it, and then you have to, like, bring it back in this, like, paper bag, and everyone knows what's in it when you walk in.

[D]

We can still make this sexy.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So that was fun.

[D]

Oh, my goodness. I've never heard about anyone talk about that side of things, but I always kind of wonder, like, you know what? That involves something different.

[C]

Did you walk into this room with him, or did he just. He described it to you?

[B]

I mean, I walked in there with him at the beginning, and then I was like, I'll leave you to do your thing. And I'm like, all right, I'm gonna go. Then you're in the waiting room. And then he came out, and I'm like, that was quick. And he's like, I can't do it. I can't do it.

[D]

He's like, I'm out. Yeah, I'm not on this.

[C]

Do you still have access?

[B]

Not. So we use his sperm to make the 12 embryos. So we have the 12 embryos. We don't have a sperm anymore. We just have the 12. Well, actually, no. 11 embryos. And Amy Lou, my daughter.

[C]

So sweet.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So of the 11 embryos, do you know which ones are, like, girls and boys?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And so they just give you. They're like, all right, here's this piece of paper, and just read it. It'll tell you all about your kids.

[B]

Yep. So you can pay to get testing done on the embryos, and it's genetic and chromosomal testing, so they'll. They, like, grade the embryos and, like, the healthiest to the least healthy. So we had. I think we had six boys and six girls, which I will not be having 12 kids, but that's what we have available.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

No way.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So did you and Tanner ever have the conversation of having another kid, like, in addition to amylou?

[B]

Yes, he. So we've had that conversation numerous times, and it's pretty much always been the same. He has just said, if you feel like you want to use the embryos later in life, I'm okay with that. And if you feel like you don't want to, I'm okay with that too. So I don't know what the future will hold for me. I'm for. For now. I pay for them every month just to keep them there and keep them alive.

[D]

Oh, that's something I didn't think about.

[C]

It's like an embryo subscription. You pay to keep them in a freezer.

[B]

$85 a month.

[D]

Whoa.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Wait, that's shocking.

[C]

That is shocking. I would have thought it's just, like, a one and done. You pay. You pay the money up front, and you're good. But I guess the freezers are probably expensive.

[B]

No, they're tiny. They're teeny, teeny, tiny.

[D]

I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah, but you're, like, basically preserving 11 lives, right?

[D]

Right.

[B]

Yeah. So 85amonth. I have, like, I have another widow friend, and she. Let's see, her husband's been gone for. Gone from Earth for seven years now, and she still pays for the embryos that she has, even though she has two twin boys. She just can't bring herself to stop paying for them.

[D]

So I get. They must have such a connection.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, yeah, that's a weighty decision.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Having a daughter. You guys got to decide that you wanted to have a daughter. Right. Like, that was a decision that you made. Talk to me more about that, because I think that's super unique, and I think the story behind it is. Is really cool, too.

[B]

Deciding for a girl. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I really wanted a girl. For my own selfish reasons of having a little best friend and getting to dress her up, because that's really fun. But more. Some more academic reasons, like, I taught child development at the university, and so I had a lot of knowledge about kids growing up without a specific gendered parent. And the research shows that a son growing up without his dad, the statistics were not great.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And a daughter growing up without her dad, the statistics are still hard, but same gendered kids typically need their same gendered parents the most. Okay. I'm just talking about, like, academically, what the statistics say. There are always outliers.

[D]

Right?

[B]

Right. There are always people that grow up without a dad, and they are totally fine. But I was just basing. We were just basing it off of, like, statistics. That was the most information we had available to us. So. Yeah.

[C]

And making that decision to have a baby, you both knew at that time that Tanner wasn't going to be around for very long, right?

[B]

Yeah, we knew. We didn't know how long at that point. Let's see, in 2024, by the time she was going to be born, it will have been. It would have been two years from the time they gave us the time frame of two to five years. So they were like, okay, like, you know, we could have three years together. And then Tanner's treatment stopped working, so we knew it was going to be shorter than that.

[D]

This was when you were already pregnant or.

[B]

Yeah, we were already pregnant.

[C]

And you mentioned that, like, people were giving unsolicited opinions. I'm curious. What, like, what were these.

[D]

Was it in your real life or was it.

[C]

Or is it just people online?

[B]

No, it's just people online.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, yeah, just imaginary people.

[C]

I'm curious, what were they saying?

[B]

I mean, they're like, that's so selfish to bring in a child into the world when you know the parent's going to die. And, I mean, I would say that's the gist of what people say is like, oh, that's so selfish.

[D]

There's no point in even giving.

[C]

I don't understand why somebody would say that. I guess. I guess they don't have to take accountability for saying something so out there.

[B]

But, I mean, likely I thought, like, you know, these people are probably hurt people.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Maybe they grew up with a single parent, and so they were like, why would you, like, knowingly put a child in that scenario?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I, like, that was just my thought. Like, maybe they're just a hurt person. But I. I knew that. I have a lot of love to Give Amy Lou, Tanner's family, my family, and Tanner, even if he's not on this earth, we all have a lot of love to give her, and so I know she's going to be okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I feel like her growing up knowing that her dad loved her so much and then having the community and all the different men in your life, like, I want to say, I heard an interview. You mentioned your brothers being there, too. So having all these, like, father figures in her life, I. I have, you know, I. I have no doubt that she's going to grow up, like, knowing that she's so loved.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I. I 100% believe that. From my family, Tanner's family, we have a lot. Tanner has a lot of really close guy friends that have deemed themselves. Let's see. We got a gunkle, which stands for gay uncle. We got a gay uncle.

[D]

We're familiar with gunkles.

[B]

Yeah, we love him. He actually was the pianist at Tanner's funeral, and he played. He combined Star wars songs and church songs together.

[C]

That is cool.

[B]

He's very talented. Yeah.

[D]

That takes someone that's, like, knows what they're doing with music.

[B]

Yes. He's very talented. He's actually gonna release those songs in, like, I think, four days on Spotify.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. So I'm.

[D]

I know that there's a whole community of people that are, like, stoked for that.

[B]

Oh, so many people asked him to record that because it was so good. So we have his gunkle, and then we have, like, other friends from high school and college and his mission, and they want to be uncles to her, too.

[D]

Was that so special, getting to tell his family? I think so emotional all the time. I'm just telling his mom that.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know if you've seen the video, but she, like, screams when we tell her. My parents knew because we lived in. We live in their basement apartment, so there's no way I could hide IVF from my parents. But Tanner's parents didn't know.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Yeah. They didn't know until we got pregnant. And we waited until I was 10 weeks pregnant to tell them.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

And they were just.

[D]

Why the wait? Just want to make sure everything was like.

[B]

Yeah, I just wanted to make sure everything, you know, I didn't want to give them another loss, you know?

[D]

Look at you thinking about them.

[B]

We. We. Me and Tanner, we didn't want them to experience another loss, so. Which, I mean, at 10 weeks, it's still really early, but.

[A]

Yeah, I just wanted to take a Second, to thank a sponsor of today's video, Haya. We have been giving our children Haya children's vitamins since they were two years old. They are obsessed. If you've watched our show before, you would know that our kids like the High vitamins so much that they even refer to them as candy. But here's the thing. Typical children's vitamins are basically candy in disguise. Filled with 5 grams of sugar, unhealthy chemicals and other gummy junk growing kids should never eat. But that exactly is why High was created. A superpowered chewable vitamin formulated with the help of pediatricians and nutritional experts. Haya is pressed with a blend of 12 organic fruits and veggies that are supercharged with 15 essential vitamins and minerals. Are you tired of battling your kids to eat their greens? Haya now has Kids Daily Greens plus Superfoods, a chocolate flavored greens powder designed specifically for kids. It's packed with 55 whole food ingredients to support brain power, development and digestion. Just scoop, shake and sip with milk or any non dairy beverage for a delicious and nutritious boost your kids will actually enjoy again. Abby and I are huge fans of Haya. We've been giving the vitamins to our kids ever since they were of age 2 years old. They love decorating their bottles with the stickers. And the same multivitamin that more than a million kids and parents love are now available with Disney's the Lion King. With a new Lion King unboxing experience including Lion King bottle and Lion K Lion King stickers. We've worked out a special deal with Haya for the best selling children's vitamin. Receive 50 off your first order. To claim the deal you must go to hyahealth.comunplanned. this deal is not available on the regular website. Go to h I y a h E-A-L dash.com unplanned and get your kids the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.

[D]

Being pregnant with someone that's a patient like very much undergoing like also being a caregiver and having it like what's that like?

[B]

So I think this experience will describe it perfectly. When I went to the hospital to get induced, I pushed Tanner in a wheelchair into the labor and delivery.

[D]

Like here we are.

[B]

It's like I'm, let's see, almost nine months pregnant and I am just like pushing my husband in the wheelchair into labor and delivery. Delivery.

[D]

That does describe it. Did please tell me you had a somewhat easy pregnancy.

[B]

My pregnancy was Pretty easy. I was really tired, but it wasn't horrible.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

Taking care of Tanner while he's going under, you know, chemo and surgeries and, you know, you said there was 40 surgeries that weren't even major surgeries where he underwent anesthesia. That must have been a. A lot to do all of that while you're pregnant with a baby.

[B]

It was a lot. I think of every day. It's gonna make me emotional, but every day, getting on the ground when I'm pregnant and helping him put on his compression hose because they're really, really, really freaking hard to put on. They're so tight. And every day I'm, like, pregnant, and I'm getting on the ground and I'm helping him put on his. His compression hose, and I would just think. I would say all the time, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to do this, but I did it my entire pregnancy. I know. I don't know how. I mean, I do know how God helped me, but I think back, and I'm like, I don't know how, but I did it. That's love.

[C]

That's a lot of surgeries, a lot of operations. Like, I can't even. I've just. I've just never been a caretaker for someone like that. I know. Like, I've had grandparents die of cancer, but I was also very young, and I didn't know what was going on. I never saw them in their last days because I think my parents didn't want me to be freaked out. They wanted me to, like, remember this healthy, vibrant version of them. But I did notice looking at, you know, the. The order of how things went on. Tick tock it. You could really see Tanner's face change and his body change, and he lost a lot of weight. You know, what. What was the day to day care like for him while his. While his body was, you know, slowly dying?

[B]

Well, it depends on what type, what time of treatment we're talking about, because by the time I had Amy Lou, oh, this was so hard for me, you guys, because I had been his caregiver for over four years, and I was always the one up with him at night. I was always the one helping him get cleaned up. And then I had my daughter, and I had to. I had to take care of my baby. And so it was so hard for me to have people come and help. And our house was a party, a really sad party for, like, six weeks, because every night his mom or dad or brother came and Stayed with Tanner. My mom slept in bed with me to help with Amy Lou. And it was so hard. It was so hard because I had taken care of him for so long and to not be there at night was really hard. It was really, really hard. And as he declined more and more, we had to do a lot more for him. You know, I'm helping him just walk around. Although when he was on hospice, man, that guy, he was like, he was really strong. Like, the hospice nurses were like, yeah, people usually just stay in bed. And he did not stay in bed. He would like get up, walk to the sink, just like drink from the sink. Like, he just. Very strong willed guy. Wow.

[C]

When did he make the Tick Tock video? Talking about, you know, what to do if someone in your life is experiencing a terminal illness? I saw this video pop up and it wasn't. I want to say it was a repost because I think at the time it was posted, it wasn't like a fresh one. But Tanner was talking. I think he mentioned, like Rhett and Link from Good Mythical Morning how they had like imposed some ideas they had on a. On a friend of theirs that was dying of cancer and how they both say now that they regretted that. And Tanner was basically telling people in this TikTok video how you need to show up with people in your life the way that they need you to show up for them, rather than imposing your ideas. Like, or maybe the things that would make you feel better about their terminal illness. I mean, do you know when exactly he filmed that? I just thought it was a really interesting video.

[B]

Is it his long video where he talks about death?

[C]

Death, yeah.

[B]

And his thoughts on death? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So that was probably filmed in. The first Tick Tock video we ever posted was in September of 2024. And like, literally we posted three videos on a Saturday and they went viral and we had like 10, 000 followers in 24 hours. So that was shocking. That video specifically was probably filmed in late October of 2024 because it seemed.

[C]

Like he had processed a lot. Like, he was talking. Yeah, he was talking about death. Like he was scared, but then he was also excited. Like he looked at it as an adventure. And I thought that was so interesting. I also, now that I know that his dad read him Harry Potter, it makes me think about the Dumbledore quote from Harry Potter where Dumbledore literally says that, that, you know, death is actually the next adventure. So, yeah, I mean, he just had like such a positive attitude about it, but then it was just like his. His fears and his worries were so real because he was. He was saying in this video how he. He wanted to be like, mentally present and not. Not be like. I think he mentioned his grandpa who wasn't like, cognitively there for his last days. What, like, did that wish come true?

[B]

Oh, yeah. There's some quotes and I from Tanner, and I'm not sure if I should say them on here. You can cut them out if they're inapprop. Literally. Let's see. 30 minutes before Tanner died, his dad and brother were watching Indiana Jones. And Tanner had taken some edibles earlier in the night to help so he could like, just his body be more at peace. And one, he said, wow, I'm so high right now. And then two, he said, friggin Nazis. Gosh, I know. Okay, so that's 30 minutes before he died.

[C]

Why did he say freaking Nazis?

[B]

Because it was the Indiana Jones where there's Nazis in it.

[C]

Oh, okay, that makes sense.

[B]

Friggin Nazis. And then he would. He went like, like to the air, like he's beating up the Nazis.

[C]

Did that. Did that. Like him taking the edibles. That help him not feel so much pain? Because I. Yeah, I read in a news article that they were trying ketamine and fentanyl and all these things, and it wasn't working. Like, it was like his nerves were fried.

[B]

Yeah. Tanner was an anomaly for hospice. The hospice experience, unfortunately, was not peaceful for us. I think for most people it is. But his nurse was like, I have given him more drugs than I have given anyone. And he. He would not. He would not knock out. Like, he wouldn't sleep. They would be giving him all of these pain meds and all of these, like, things to help his body just be peaceful. And he would not sleep.

[C]

He.

[B]

I guess now that you bring up that video, man, he did have a strong will to just be present and he friggin did it. I mean, I just think. Let's see, he died on a Wednesday. I think it was a Wednesday morning. And on a. On the Sunday before, someone from our church came over to visit, Tanner was butt naked. He did not want to wear clothes. No. And I was like, tanner, Nick is here. He's gonna see you naked. And he's like, I don't care. Nick will be fine with it. He just, like, did not care. So you know what? I think he got his wish. He was pretty freaking cognitively present.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What did Nick say when he saw Tanner butt naked on the ground?

[B]

He was totally chill. With it. He was just like. And oh, this is really sweet. But there's this one part where Nick was over that visit and Tanner stood up, turned around, by the way, he's butt naked. Got down on his knees, butt naked, by the way. If I didn't make that point big enough, and I was like, tanner, what are you doing? And he's like, I'm praying. And I was like, oh, my gosh. First of all, I was crying because I was like, here's my husband who's dying and he still wants to pray. Also, his butt is directly facing our friend from church. Yeah.

[C]

There was a comment I noticed on TikTok where this lady was like, I wish I could give Tanner 10 years of my life so that he can have so many years with his daughter.

[B]

So many people said stuff like that.

[C]

So that was like a pretty common thing. Like a pretty common comment. You guys would see that.

[B]

Yeah, I wish. I wish for that too. I wish for that too.

[D]

I know you guys are members of the LDS church. Like, in what ways did it strengthen your faith as well as which ways did you feel like it, like, hurt your faith, if at all?

[B]

Yeah. When Tanner was diagnosed, somebody sent me this talk by one of our church leaders called faith to not be healed. And basically in the talk, it talks about how this young man had cancer, and this church leader asked him, if, do you have faith not to be healed? Because that almost requires more faith than being healed. And so I had that in my mind from the very beginning of Tanner's diagnosis. And I asked myself that a lot like, do I have faith for Tanner not to be healed? Will. Will I still have my faith if he is not healed? And through this whole. Through the whole entire process, becoming comfortable with death and dying, I have seen God so present in death and dying. We had a death doula. I don't know if you've ever heard of that.

[D]

What?

[C]

I didn't know that was a thing.

[B]

Yeah. So we have a birth doula, someone that helps a child be born into this life. We have a death doula, someone that helps you leave this life.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

So we had a death doula. Tanner had a death doula. She was also very helpful for me as well.

[C]

What type of things did this death doula do?

[B]

So there's a lot of non medical things that have to do with dying, A lot of paperwork, advance directives. There's something called a polst, which is basically your wishes for your medical intervention wishes. So there's all these documents. She helped us figure that out. She helped us plan Tanner's funeral. At that point, when we first started meeting with her, we had already purchased our burial plots and Tanner had purchased his funeral package. Doesn't that sound so like. It sounds like it should be fun, but it's not that fun.

[D]

Sounds kind of messed up.

[C]

Sounds really depressing.

[D]

Package like they're trying to like, I don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Which is like just three easy payments of $10,000.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Pretty much, yeah.

[C]

How I don't understand that.

[D]

That's Matt so mad.

[C]

That actually does piss me off.

[B]

But the funeral people are really, really tender people. They're really. At least in my experience, they were very, very wonderful people.

[A]

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[C]

You guys.

[A]

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[B]

We did a death meditation at one point. It was like a 40 minute meditation about dying and just the what happens to the body as you die and kind of the process of dying after what happens to your body after you die, which was really interesting. I'm a therapist, so I'm. I love meditation stuff. So that was really interesting. I think. I'm pretty sure Tanner fell asleep, and I was probably present for that. Tanner, I think, definitely fell asleep for that, but I was present for it, and it was really interesting. And one time we had a meeting with the death doula, with Tanner's parents, with my parents, where she gave us the opportunity to basically get everything off our chest that we needed to. Wow. Because when Tanner. At the time, we would say, when Tanner dies, we want to make sure that there's no regrets. And common regrets are not saying things like, I'm sorry. Not saying things like not saying, I love you enough, stuff like that. So we had that meeting and made sure we said everything we needed to. Yeah.

[D]

I'm thinking about how many people, like, have lost a loved one and wish that they would have been able to be. Not that this is, like, a positive. You know what I mean? Like, I don't even want to make.

[B]

Like, this sound, like a. I'm grateful for. I understand what you're saying. Yeah. I have widow and widower friends that they will say, I'm grateful for the way that it happened because, you know, I. I have some friends that had sudden losses. They lost their spouse suddenly, and they're like, man, I'm. I'm grateful that it was sudden. I'm grateful that it wasn't sudden and that I had so much time to prepare for it and that Tanner's family had so much time to prepare for it and that Tanner had time to prepare for it. Also. I feel like I wouldn't want my own death to be long drawn out like that.

[D]

Wow. I'm surprised to hear that.

[B]

It's really, really hard to see someone's body just happen, you know, to die like that. It's really hard. I. I wouldn't say. If I didn't have this experience, I don't think I would say that. But I live. I try to live my life so intentionally every day now. So if that does happen, I will be okay. Although now that I have a daughter and her dad is an angel, that is harder for me.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I. I don't, like, know if this is the best place to ask this question, but I guess I'll just ask it.

[B]

Yeah. What?

[C]

Like, I thought it was really cool that you guys did a living funeral. Whose idea was that?

[B]

That was our death doula's idea.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yes. She said she had seen some living funerals or celebrations of life, and she said, I wish more people did them. And then Nick, who I talked about earlier, he Went to this event where. I don't remember what it was. Some kind of, like, ancestry event. And he met these people that film someone's life story. And so he introduced us to this organization, and they filmed Tanner's life story. And then their idea, along with Cammy Our death doulas, was to have a premiere of the life story that was really cool.

[C]

I've never heard of that being a thing. A living funeral. So I thought. I thought that was really neat.

[B]

It was so fun.

[C]

And I also thought it was really neat, too, that, you know, you guys documented everything that you were going through.

[B]

I started documenting from the very beginning. When he was diagnosed. I wasn't doing reels or videos. I was just. Just doing pictures. And it was because I wanted.

[D]

The.

[B]

I wanted people to have a place where they could go and get updates so I didn't get hundreds of text messages.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So that's originally why I started documenting. And then as Tanner's cancer progressed, I was like, you know, I want people to see what it's really like for us. And so then I started, you know, especially when he was in the hospital for, like, 8ish months. That's when I really started getting more into documenting videos.

[C]

And the videos were very unique. Like, I don't think I've ever seen another video on TikTok that was like.

[A]

Come with us to go to the.

[C]

Cemetery to pick out plots.

[A]

I know when I'm dead.

[C]

Like, it was like, what the heck? I was like, is this. This can't be real.

[B]

The shock factor. Yeah.

[C]

And Tanner was all about that.

[B]

That. Yeah, he was all about that. I don't know if you saw us shopping for. What are they called? Caskets, where he pretends to get in a casket. That one's fun.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I didn't re. I. I didn't see the video of him. So he actually got. Or he didn't get in it or.

[B]

No, he just, like, went over there, and he was, like, pretending to, like, try to get in. Yeah, he's such a funny guy.

[C]

And caskets are expensive, too.

[B]

Yeah, freaking expensive.

[C]

What didn't he end up having, like, Star Wars. There was, like, Star wars stickers. Yeah. All over it.

[B]

That was one of his wishes that. That people put Star wars stickers on his casket. I'm like, all right, we just paid $6,000 for this casket. But, yeah, you can put stickers on it.

[D]

Yeah, you put stickers on it.

[B]

But it's. I mean, it was Tanner's wishes. I would do whatever he wanted whatever he wanted to do. He even joked about wanting WI fi in his casket so he could watch Netflix. And I was like, like, sure, I'll put a WI Fi thing in there for you.

[D]

Just put a router.

[B]

Yeah, just put a router in there for you.

[C]

And the funeral. I. I want to say the Washington Post said that there were 31,000 people that watched it live.

[B]

On the stream.

[C]

Yeah, on YouTube. So who set this up? Did you, like, have your phone, like, with YouTube pulled up and you just had it on a tripod?

[B]

So actually, it's really common for funeral homes to live stream.

[C]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[B]

Huh? Yeah, just like, for family around the world. Tanner just happened to have a lot of friends and fans and family from all over the world that wanted to watch. So, yeah, 31, 000 people watched it live. And then I think at this point, it's been a long time since I've looked, but it got up to like 54, 000 people that watched his funeral.

[C]

That's huge.

[B]

It was a party. He wanted it to be a party, so that's what it was.

[C]

Was there anything unique about it as far as, like, party party themes? Like, in addition to the Star wars tickets, stickers on the casket that he.

[B]

Requested, he wanted a harpist to be there to play Star wars music. So I found a harpist and I hired her to play Star wars music. So we did that. His friend Jake, who's the gunkle that I was talking about earlier, he wanted him to play Star wars and church hymns together. So Jake actually came over before Tanner died and was like, hey, let's go through these songs. Show me the song, church songs you like, and then I'll mesh them. So he was able to play those songs for Tanner. So Tanner got to hear them. So we had that. Which is pretty non traditional for an LDS funeral to have Star wars intermixed with hymns. And then for his luncheon, he wanted everyone to have Navajo tacos. I don't know if you know what those are.

[C]

Wait, is that. Is that a local taco place?

[D]

No, Navajo is.

[B]

Navajo is a native American tribe.

[C]

Well, I know that. I didn't know if there was like a Navajo tacos chain in Utah or something.

[B]

Nope, just his grandma.

[C]

No. Okay, so Navajo tacos are like an actual type of food. Oh, I've never had one.

[B]

Yeah, I need to try bread. And then it's just basically like chili and lettuce and cheese, basically.

[C]

That's really cool.

[B]

It is. It is pretty good. So that's what he requested. So our church, they were able to provide Navajo tacos for us. And then Crumble gave us crumbl showed up with a bunch of cookies.

[C]

There were a lot of businesses, I think, that like, showed up for you guys at one point. And I even want to say you guys did a GoFundMe. And I know Tanner in his final video, you know, announcing his death, he asked for people to come around you guys and support you. And I want to say that the GoFundMe far surpassed the. The goal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What.

[C]

What was the original goal? And then how much was actually raised?

[B]

So the goal was250,000. And there's like this AI with GoFundMe that every time it gets to a certain point, it just like raises the goal.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So you don't like go in and manually raise it. The AI just does it. So, yeah. So the original goal was 250, 000. It got it up to, I think like 830, 000. And once it got to 500, 000, I was like, all right, this feels. First of all, I did not look at the updates because it felt weird to be focused on money when Tanner just died. So I didn't look for up, I didn't look at the updates, and I asked my family to not tell me because I didn't want to know.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But at the point after Tanner's funeral and I looked, I was like, okay. And at a certain point I said like, all right, anything over 500,000, we're gonna donate half of it. Because that just felt like the Tanner thing to do.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, we made a scholarship fund to award almost full ride scholarship at Utah Valley University for the family science department, which is our. Both of our majors. And then we have another amount set aside for just to donate to like non profits that feel right.

[C]

It's beautiful to see just community come around you support you. Obviously what you're going through. I mean, I. Nobody can understand unless maybe someone who's been through a similar situation could understand. But just to see so many people. Yeah. Donate to the GoFundMe or just say something nice on social media.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

As like an individual from the outside looking in, I'm like, wow. It just gives me hope for humanity.

[B]

Amen.

[C]

Right. Like, we live at a time where sometimes things can be so divisive in our media and on the Internet and. But just to see all the. The sweet comments on your posts and to see. Yeah. People show up for you, like with that GoFundMe.

[B]

It's like, wow, we experienced so much good from all different kinds of people, all different kinds of religions, non religions, different political status, different immigration status, different race. And like, I really believe most people are good.

[D]

There was something I was going to say and I forgot it.

[A]

Oh my gosh.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Come back to me.

[C]

Sorry, I have so many questions.

[B]

That's fine.

[C]

I just. I just want to know, like, what. What were those final moments like?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh gosh.

[C]

Because it must be the most surreal thing.

[A]

Like you.

[C]

You said Tanner had just taken some freaking edibles.

[D]

Oh, that's what I was gonna say.

[C]

And was saying freaking Nazis. And wait, can I pause really quick?

[D]

That's what I was gonna say. I thought of my thought. You can tell that you spent that time preparing the way you talk about it now, because people listening to this podcast that don't know your story at all are probably shocked right now. This is very, very recent. Like this.

[B]

Yeah. He died in June and we're in September. Yeah.

[D]

And you're also four months postpartum.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And the way you talk about it is so collected and you're so at peace with.

[B]

It was five years. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

So you had that. You use that time so effectively to prepare is what I'm saying.

[B]

Like did.

[D]

That's amazing. Now go back to what you're saying about Nazis.

[B]

I'm sorry, about Nazis. Yeah, go back to what you're saying about Nazis.

[A]

It must.

[C]

Those final moments must have been so weird because he's like cracking jokes and you know, you're watching the Indiana Jones original trilogy, and then you said that was 30 minutes before he died.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So. Yeah. What. What was that? What was that like those. Those final moments with Tanner.

[B]

So I came out at 4am to wash my pump parts because I just finished pumping and Tanner was awake. He was sitting on the edge of his bed. And Tanner's dad, Tom was like, hey, I just had this experience with Tanner where we were watching Indiana Jones. It was so funny. He was like, friggin Nazis. And I was like, oh my gosh, that's so funny. I haven't shared this on social media, but that night I told my mom when I was going to bed, I don't know why, but for some reason I'm getting this feeling that tonight Tanner's gonna die. And it doesn't make sense to me because he hasn't gone through what's called the active dying phase. There's like passive dying and then there's like active dying. And when you get into active dying, you go into basically a coma and your body's shutting down. He never went into that until maybe like five minutes before he died. So I was like, it doesn't make sense. I don't, like, my brain is like, no, that he hasn't gone into active dying. Active dying takes like, it can take days. Wow. Yeah. So I was like, I don't know. But for some reason in my heart, I felt that. And then I went out at four in the morning and he was awake. He was on the edge of the bed. And I was like, all right. Well, I guess I was. I guess I was wrong. I went over because every night, every time I was awake, every moment I had, I just said, I love you. I love you, Tanner. And I went over and I just like patted him on his back and I just said. I just said, I love you. And he said, I love you too. Just so clearly. Yeah, my turn. He said, I love you too. And I went back to my bedroom and my mom was like, how is he? Like, he's awake. He just told me he loved me. So I guess, you know, I guess it's not going to be tonight. And then about 30 minutes later, so at that point it was probably like 4:45, Tanner's dad came and knocked on the bedroom door. I wasn't fully asleep yet, so I, I, you know, I just got up. I was like, hey, what's up? He said, I think Tanner. Tanner's breathing just changed. I think. I think it's time. And I was like, okay. Like he was literally just awake. I would be shocked if it was time. So I went out there and sure enough, his breathing had changed pretty significantly. The breaths were, you know, pretty spread out. So I called the nurse and I said, hey, Tanner's breathing has changed. And I was, I was on the phone and Tanner's dad kept turning around. Tom kept turning around saying, shay, I think you need to get off the phone. I think you need to get off the phone. And the nurse on the other end of the line was like, it just. He just. His breathing just barely changed. Like, this takes hours to days. And I was like, okay. And then finally I was like, all right, we'll call you back. And I just, I knew that it was his last few moments. So my mom went upstairs and got my dad and my sister and my brother in law, My sister and brother all were living with us at the time. And we all came downstairs. We got Amy Lou, we got our dog, Luke. I put Amy Lou next to him. And it was really sweet. She reached her hand out towards his hand. You know, I don't know if she knew what was happening. And his breathing was really slowing down. And my dog Luke, at one point, jumped. Like, physically. He, like, jumped. He's startled. And he looked back at Tanner, and that was Tanner's last breath. So I think Luke felt. Either felt his heart stop or felt his spirit leave his body, his soul leave his body. Before that happened, I just. I was rubbing his hand, and I was just. I just told him, tanner, we're gonna take care of each other. It's okay. You can go. I'm gonna take care of your family. That was something he was really worried about. And then he took his last breath, and it was peaceful. And his brother and his parents were there. His brother was really had a hard time. I was probably the most prepared mentally for his physical departure. The hardest part after that point, the nurse came. She was shocked that it happened so quickly. And I was able to. I don't know how familiar you guys are with this process, but I was able to give him his final bath, which basically is just, like, wiping him down with towels. And I just wiped his face, and I just kept telling him, like, oh, I love you. I love you so much. You can cut this part out if you want, but seeing the recent experience with the Kirk family, I personally am not a fan of. Well, specifically, you don't have to include this because it's very controversial. But I saw her stroking his hand and just saying over and over, I love you. I love you. And I know how that is. And I've felt so much grief and sympathy for her because I did that with Tanner when I was just stroking his face, when I was washing him and just telling him over and over, like, I love you so much. I love you so much. And then the mortuary, they come and they take his body. And that was really, really hard for me. I was weeping so loud and so intently because it was so real at that point, like, okay, they're taking his body. He's gone physically from this life. So that was the experience. And I do believe that day was I felt that Tanner was really, really close by, because I just really, really felt at peace that whole day. So that was the experience.

[D]

Well, thank you for letting us in.

[B]

On such a.

[D]

Precious but really, really intense moment of your life. I just can't stop thinking about how beautiful and also just heartbreaking it is. Like, the end of life at the beginning of life with Tanner and Amy Lou and, like, almost like, that is the hope that we can have in all of this. And it's so beautiful.

[B]

And.

[D]

Yeah. Just walking through that funeral process with your spouse at such a young age, like, feels. It could probably feel unfair, I imagine. But the way that you share his story is such an inspiration. It's such a light. And I'm curious how you plan to do that for Amylou, like, in her future to keep his story alive and real for her.

[B]

Yeah. Well, one of the things that we were blessed to do was have Tanner make videos and.

[D]

Right.

[B]

Buy gifts for her. And we have this charm bracelet and we have, I think, 21 charms. So every year I have a charm that he chose to give to her. So we have that. We have videos of him reading stories. We have videos just from him in general. A video of him singing happy birthday for her to listen to every year. A birthday plate for her to eat on every year. So we have that. And then I'm just. I was such a documenter that she can just watch all these videos of her dad and see what he's like. Yeah, yeah. And I don't ever plan on stopping talking about him. Even if I remarry someday, I'm gonna still talk about him.

[D]

I'm glad you bring that up because that's something I think about. You guys had to be so intentional, which is a unique gift in your situation that you. You do had. You had time to, like, think and prepare for things that sometimes, a lot of times people. It just happens, and then you just have to collect the pieces afterwards. Did he ever. Cuz we even jokingly among ourselves, like, are like, what would you do? Like, what was that? Like, I can't even imagine, like, in the reality of your situation having a conversation like that is because I feel like so many converse, like, it's like I'll come back and haunt you if.

[B]

You like, yeah, you sleep with someone else, I'm gonna freaking haunt you.

[D]

Tell that like, my ghost will come back.

[B]

So Tanner, I mean, okay, so we have the goofy Tanner. Then we have the serious, very sweet Tanner. So serious, very sweet Tanner is like, I don't want you to be alone for the rest of your life. I want you to find someone to love and that will love you in this life. Goofy Tanner would say, well, and he did say, yeah, you can remarry, but he has to sleep at the foot of the bed like a dog. 1,000%. That is a direct quote from Tanner. He also said, when we are buying our burial plot, it can be a double deep Meaning, like, two caskets can be on top of each other, so it can be a double deep and also a side by side. So we got a side by side. So he can be here, I can be here, but they can also be double deep, so someone can be buried, like, on top of the casket. And he was like, you better not bury him on top of me. So he's just, you know, he was Tanner in both of those scenarios where he's just like, really sweet and thoughtful. Like, I want you to remarry. I don't want you to be alone, and he has to sleep at the foot of the bed. Yeah.

[C]

When did he. When did he make the comment about you can't put his casket on top of mine?

[B]

When we were buying the burial plots in 2023.

[D]

Do you have to decide that before? Like, if it could be double deep, double deep? Because it does. It just have to get buried deeper. Yeah, see, there's other things I just haven't thought about.

[B]

I know. Like, who thinks about that stuff? Oh, my God. Not normal people that are in their 20s.

[D]

Right.

[C]

And how does it work with like. Like, okay, think about it. If you rent an apartment, you pay monthly rent, right? Like, yeah, there's no monthly rent at a. At a cemetery. So then, like, what is the. Is there like a contract for, okay, we won't mess with this land for 200 years? Or like, what does it say? Like, how long are.

[B]

Really good question. Maybe I should read the contract I signed. I didn't, but, I mean, from what I know, it's just ours.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, it's just ours. People, people. I don't know if you saw, but we have a. We have a headstone bench. Both of our names are on it. I cannot tell you how many times I get the comment, what if you remarry? And my answer is, well, I want to be cremated so they can split my ashes. I don't care. I want to be cremated. But also, like, I'm making. I made the decision then, you know, who knows? I reserve the right to change my mind, but at this point, I want it to be cremated and so they can split my ashes.

[D]

Does your experience make you want to, like, with Tanner, make you want that option?

[B]

Cremated? Yeah, I've always wanted to be cremated just because of the. It's more ecological friendly. I was thinking that too. Yeah.

[D]

Wow. Your lived experience at 29 is vastly different from most people at 29.

[B]

Yeah. I would say I'm like an 80 year old woman in a 29 year old body.

[D]

I'm sure, like, in a lot of ways, you have had to. You have lived experiences that just, like, no one at that age usually has. I'm just sobbing. That's fine, because you're so articulate and, like, inspirational. And I just know that, like, my life has changed from hearing your story, and I know that so many other people probably feel this way that are listening, but the thing that just keeps standing out to me, I just keep thinking about how to be known is to be loved. And, like, the part that made me just, like, crumble in the car on the way here. Re watching Tanner's video, his final video that, like, so many people saw on TikTok when he was like, this is gonna make me cry.

[B]

It's fine.

[D]

He's like, don't give her knickknacks. He's like, she's gonna want to keep them, so you feel like you appreciate them, but she. It's gonna stress her out. She's not gonna know where to put it. And he, like, really expanded on that.

[B]

Because he knew exactly how that was.

[D]

Gonna make you feel. But then also, on the flip side, you thinking about how those donor funds, like, how he'd want that to be spent, and that's still motivating your actions because you knew him so well. And it's just, like, it's changing my heart too, because I just know that, like, so many marriages could. Would be benefited by that message, including my own.

[B]

Like, that's like.

[D]

Like, that's what I see in you. And Tanner is just like, to be known is to be loved, and it's just so beautiful. And I'm gonna think about that for a long time.

[B]

I think that's, like, one of the best compliments I've ever been given. Thank you. I mean it, Shay.

[C]

It has been so good getting to talk to you, hear your story, hear Tanner's story. Where is the best place people can stay in touch with you? What's the best place people can connect with you?

[B]

I'm most active on our Instagram. Need to work on our TikTok a little bit, but Tanner and Shay, that's our instagram and our TikTok handle.

[C]

I feel like we could talk for hours and hours and hours, but I know you have a little beautiful baby.

[D]

To get back to her sit for so long.

[B]

Well, I feel like I could be so open to you guys. You just. You have a presence that feels very authentic. So I felt like it could be very authentic with you guys, so thank you.

[D]

That's really nice.

[B]

And Doug Limu and I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. But now we want you to feel it. Cue the emu music. Limu. Save yourself the money today. Increase your wealth. Customize and save. We save. That may have been too much feeling.

[A]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[B]

Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings Fairy Unwritten by.

[A]

Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates excludes Massachusetts.

[D]

When the Moore family dished cable Internet and switched to Zigly Fiber, they got so much more. Mr. Moore got more upload speed for next level gaming and livestreaming to the masses with reliable service. Mrs. Moore is no longer her family's IT guru, leaving her more time to stream games into overtime.

[B]

Let's go.

[D]

And young Mason Moore got more done quickly uploading HD product demos and video conferencing. Without freesight, the numbers look good. Brad, you're on mute. Switch from cable Internet to Zibli Fiber and get more of what you love for $65 less per month than [e-mail].