Losing my son, grief & overcoming depression ft. Missy (our friend’s mom)

Summary

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The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Episode: Losing My Son, Grief & Overcoming Depression ft. Missy (Our Friend’s Mom)
Date: September 17, 2025

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Episode Overview

This deeply personal and emotional episode features Missy, the mother of Matt and Abby’s late friend Briley, who died by suicide seven years ago. In honor of Suicide Awareness Month, the hosts enter into an honest conversation about unbearable loss, the reality of grief, and how Missy gradually found ways to cope and heal. The episode balances heartbreaking testimony with resilience, hope, and practical wisdom for anyone impacted by suicide or intense grief.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Day Briley Died: Recounting the Loss

• Missy describes in detail the last few days with Briley, including the events leading up to his passing and the moment she was notified.
• Briley appeared joyful and made future plans, showing no outward signs of suicidal intent prior to his death.
  • "There was not a sign. Because if there was a sign, those car keys would have been up my rear end. He would have never left." – Missy (05:03)
• The trauma of how Briley was discovered in his dorm and the reality of how the notification reached Missy is profoundly detailed.
• The ripple effect across the family, friends, and wider community was immediate and intense.
  • "Just on his floor, there was one hundred and fifty kids in tears. Just in tears." – Missy (11:18)

Notable Segment:

• [01:06]–[08:50] – Missy’s recounting of Briley’s final days and the aftermath

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Navigating Grief and Struggles with Depression

• Missy describes the debilitating effects of her grief—days spent in bed, loss of will, and the guilt she faced as a mother.
  • "My half of my soul, my heart was gone. I didn't know how to function." – Missy (16:09)
• She acknowledges the unique pain of suicide loss, including the tendency to search endlessly for blame and "what ifs."
• After two years of paralyzing guilt, Missy made a conscious choice to stop asking "why" and begin searching for a new "why"—a sense of renewed purpose.
  • "You can't do that. If you do, you will be insane. You know, you have to stop saying why and figure out what is your why." – Missy (18:00)

Practical Coping Strategies:

• Journaling both for herself and as letters to Briley—tracking "showing up" helped Missy shift her mindset and recognize her daily achievements.
  • "Instead of writing down a to-do list, I… titled it 'showing up.' And I started for that day writing what I did… Look what you've done. You should be proud." – Missy (19:08)
• Finding gratitude in small, manageable goals: getting out of bed, showering.
• The importance of community and support systems in nudging, not forcing, participation in life and events.
• The emotional and physical changes from depression, including significant weight gain and gradual weight loss as recovery progressed.

Memorable Moment:

• [18:52]–[20:22] – Missy’s "showing up" journal and the value of small daily victories

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The Complexity of Grief & the Journey to Healing

• Each person's grief journey is distinct; comparisons only add pain.
• Family and friends should keep reaching out but respect boundaries—the most helpful support was sometimes just presence and gentle invitations.
  • "My family would just text me, thinking of you. Love you." – Missy (29:55)
• Holidays, especially Mother's Day, remained difficult for years but began to be acknowledged again recently.
• Missy shares that finding her new identity required intentionality and acceptance—she is now, as she puts it, "a mom of an angel."

Core Advice:

• [30:08]–[31:21] – Advice for supporting someone experiencing similar loss

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The Stigma Surrounding Suicide & Mental Health

• The culture around suicide is still shrouded in silence, especially for men. Missy speaks against this stigma.
  • "We work out. We take care of our bodies, but we don’t take care of our brains. Brains are a muscle... You need therapy. We all have issues." – Missy (41:50)
• Mental illness is no different than any other health condition requiring treatment.
• The “ripple effect” analogy makes clear the widespread impact of suicide on communities.
• Open discussion and access to resources, like the Jed Foundation and The Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth), are essential for prevention and healing.

Timestamps:

• [41:20]–[45:27] – Stigma, prevention, and supporting others in crisis

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Briley’s Legacy: Kindness, Connection, & Resilience

• Briley is remembered for his humor, compassion, and unique ability to connect with anyone, especially isolated or struggling peers.
  • "If he saw a kid sitting by himself at the lunch table, he would go sit with that kid. He didn't care." – Missy (53:37)
• His joy and kindness provided a model for Missy’s own return to life and purpose.
• Briley’s passing mobilized ongoing suicide prevention efforts in the community—including the annual "Walk Out of the Darkness" and other awareness events.
• Missy discusses the power in meaningful, attainable daily plans—"the plan is for today"—and celebrates progress in bite-sized victories.

Heartfelt Story:

• [53:37]–[56:44] – Missy on Briley’s nature and the creation of his legacy

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Time | Quote | Speaker | |------|-------|---------| | 05:03 | "There was not a sign. Because if there was a sign, those car keys would have been up my rear end. He would have never left." | Missy | | 11:18 | "This is one of the worst things I've had to witness... just on his floor, there was one hundred and fifty kids in tears." | Missy | | 16:09 | "My half of my soul, my heart was gone. I didn't know how to function." | Missy | | 18:00 | "You can't do that. If you do, you will be insane. You have to stop saying why and figure out what is your why." | Missy | | 19:08 | "Instead of writing down a to-do list, I… titled it 'showing up.' And… writing what I did… Look what you've done. You should be proud." | Missy | | 29:55 | "My family would just text me, thinking of you. Love you." | Missy | | 41:50 | "We work out. We take care of our bodies, but we don’t take care of our brains. Brains are a muscle... You need therapy." | Missy | | 53:37 | "If he saw a kid sitting by himself at the lunch table, he would go sit with that kid. He didn't care." | Missy | | 56:08 | "The plan is for today. Today's plan is to get this, to do this... At the end of today, you get to write it down what you did and you get to take pride." | Missy |

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Practical Takeaways & Resources

• Grief is not linear: Support yourself and others with patience, small steps, and acceptance.
• Journaling and self-reflection: Tracking progress helps build self-esteem and motivation.
• Support Lines:
  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988
  • The Jed Foundation: jedfoundation.org
  • The Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth): thetrevorproject.org
• Community Action: “Walk Out of the Darkness” 5K and other local suicide prevention efforts.

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Suggested Timestamps for Topic Reference

• [01:06]–[08:50]: Briley’s final days and discovery
• [15:12]–[20:22]: Immediate aftermath, coping, "showing up" journaling
• [27:02]–[31:21]: How grief manifests over time; advice for supporting others
• [41:20]–[45:27]: Breaking the suicide stigma; resources for help
• [53:37]–[56:44]: Briley’s acts of kindness and ongoing legacy

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Episode Tone

The episode is direct, raw, and compassionate. Matt and Abby create a space for Missy to share openly, with the mood alternating between heartbreak and hope. Missy's honesty, humor, and resilience shine through even the darkest subjects, making the conversation both emotionally intense and uplifting by its conclusion.

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If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out to the “988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline”—help is available. For more resources and Briley’s legacy fund, see the episode description.

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Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by 20th Century Studios New film Springsteen Deliver Me from nowhere, starring Golden Globe winner Jeremy Allen White and Academy award nominee Jeremy Strahm. Scott Cooper, the director of the Academy award winning movie Crazy Heart, brings you the story of the most pivotal chapter in the life of an icon. Springsteen Deliver Me from Nowhere Only in theaters October 24th. Get your tickets now. Seven years ago, Abby and I lost our dear friend Briley to suicide. And this month, September, is suicide awareness month. So this week on Unplanned, we sat down with his mom to talk about it. She really gave us a glimpse into what it's like to lose a child. This is going to be a heavier episode. So if this topic is sensitive to you, you might want to skip this week. But I think it's really important that we talk about these things. If you would be so kind as to donate to the link in the description, Briley's mom shouted out a charity that we want to support and we are also going to donate to. So please visit the description of this episode and there will be a link for you to donate.

[B]

I got a text at 4:45 that said, Mom, I love you more than anything. And according to the coroner's report, he did it at 5pm this lieutenant was in tears. He said, I'm not talking to you as a police officer. I'm talking to parent to parent.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He said, this is one of the worst things I've had to witness here.

[A]

That it was suicide. It just didn't make any sense because he was such a joyful, happy.

[B]

He was the funny guy that made everybody laugh. When he walked in the room, the room brightened. Mom is a strong, strong word. It is a strong word. And I'll tell you what, you don't miss that word until you don't hear it anymore. He was home because his girlfriend and him were having troubles. Okay. He came home on a Sunday evening. I went and picked him up because he rode down there with her. He didn't have a car. I had. His car was getting serviced. So he called me on a Sunday night, very distraught at 9 o', clock, mom, come and get me. So say less. I'm there five hours there.

[A]

And this is about a week before.

[B]

This is three days before.

[A]

Three. Three days before. Okay.

[B]

So this was a Sunday night. So I got down there at 1am and of course my bribe ride. The first question was, how was the drive? I was like long, but it's okay. How are you?

[C]

You got there at 1:00am At 1.

[B]

You know, I mean, I. Five hours straight through, so.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I just was like, how are you? And he was calm and he was just like, how was the drive?

[C]

Long.

[B]

And you know, I was like, I have to get gas. You want food? You want to drink? No, no, no. And I was just like, well, I assume this has to do with Kyla. He was like, yes. And I've always been that helicopter mom. I started asking a few questions and he said, mom, if you're going to ask me a million questions, just take me back to the dorm. I was like, nope, I'm not saying a word. So I drove us back and he was in the back. I could, I could see the texting. We got back about 5am yeah. And he laid down and then Colin, Carrie, my best. His best friend, my oldest nephew, he came over at 6am and the first thing he did, because I happened to walk through there, Riley, always with the videos and the cameras walked up because he went to smack him in the head to wake him up, which he did. And Bradley immediately looked up and said, first word. Did you get that on camera? So Colin and Bradley hung out, they did their things, they went shopping, they did all kinds of stuff, whatever. Movies. They just did guy stuff, golf, whatever.

[A]

And Colin is one of Briley's best friends from Jerseyville. From high school. Right.

[B]

First cousin for.

[A]

Oh, first cousin and best friend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They're a year apart, so. So yeah, Wednesday morning he woke me up and he said, mom, I have to get back. And I was just like, no.

[C]

Cause he was gonna stay till Saturday.

[B]

Yeah, because he was. I was like, you said you'd stay. Well, till Sunday. Yeah, you know. And he was like, but Mom, I have to get back. He's like, I have to get back to these classes. He was grabbing his sports coat, he was grabbing hoodies, he was grabbing whatever he needed. I mean, there was not a sign. Because if there was a sign, those car keys would have been up my rear end. He would have never left. He just looked like he was packing. And I was actually like being whiny. And he was even like, don't cry, Mom, I'll be home in two weeks. Sheesh.

[A]

Just for context too, Bradley had never talked about being depressed. He had never talked about being suicidal. And he was. It just seemed like he merely wanted to get back to his fraternity, to his commitments at school. So you didn't really think anything of it?

[B]

Nothing. It was just like, well, I've been here three days, gotta go, time to go back, you know? So I was like. But he's like. And he even said, don't worry, I'll be back in two weeks. You know, it's okay. And Colin was coming down Friday to spend the weekend with him. Wow. And Bradley even called Colin on the way down there to see what time he would show up Friday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he was planned.

[C]

He had plans.

[B]

Future plan. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, from the best of your knowledge, there was no intent at all to take his life that day? Because he had everything planned out.

[B]

Everything planned out. I mean, he was even making plans for Friday, for the next week with MSU homecoming. Yeah, he had everything planned out. He had new theater shoes ordered and they just came in. So he had taken those. You know, he's like, I'm gonna need these. I'm need that. So I was like, okay. You said you'd stay, but okay.

[C]

You drove five hours there to drop him off and five hours back, like you'd done on Sunday night. All through the night, like, you. You were there. You were committed.

[B]

You were committed to. Yeah, I was that bomb.

[C]

You had five hours to talk alone in the car, too.

[B]

Yep. And then he went back. I got a text at 4:45 that said, Mom, I love you more than anything. And we would always say, love you more to each other. Like, even if we were angry, we'd be like, love you, love you more. So when I looked at that and it said, mom, I love you, you know, more than anything, I was just like. Because his rule was, when you get to college, text me so I know you didn't die in a fiery car crash. I'm not worrying here. So I was like, oh, he made it there. And I text back the usual, love you more. According to the coroner's report. Yeah, he did it at like 5pm he got back around 1, I guess, in the afternoon, he sat in his room with his roommate, acting completely normal. His roommate said, I'm gonna go to the commons and. Or whatever, get some Panda Express, eat. You wanna come? Bradley said, nope, he went to go eat. Bradley went in the bathroom and locked off. Bradley also was very musical. So he always had his dumb JBL speaker blaring everywhere he went. So when Bradley took a shower, it was as loud as it would go bumping. So he went in there and he had his speaker on. And of course, he would take the hottest showers and the longest showers. So he just had it on. And hot water in dorms does not run out, so it was very steamy. The police report said, you know, when they broke the door down. But so at different times his suite mates came in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they were like, oh, Bradley's in the shower. Oh, Bradley's in the shower. Oh, Bradley's in the shower. Then they all came back at apparently 10 o' clock and they were like, wait a minute, why is Bradley still in the shower? So then they went to the RA's because they were banging. No response. They ran to the ra. That RA on that floor was out. So they ran to the front desk who called Springfield police, they contacted the main RA on campus. So when the door was opened, the police report said that it was, you know, the lieutenant, another police officer, Kyla, his roommate, and then his two suite mates. So when the door was opened and he was hanging there, and it goes into detail exactly which way he was hanging and how he looked and whatnot, Kyla kept running in trying to grab him by his waist to get him down because it said in the police report that she had to be restrained three times.

[A]

Okay, so. So his girlfriend was the first person to discover him.

[B]

Well, when the police lieutenant opened the door, she was behind and then once she saw, she ran through them to get to him. Yeah, yeah, so but then they separated each kid and took their phones. So I did not get notified.

[A]

They took all the kids that were there, they took their phones. That way they couldn't say anything to anybody.

[B]

Right? Well, because it's an investigation. Yeah, yeah. At this point we don't know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you know, Kyla and his roommate sweet mates were separated and they took their phones, they didn't want him calling, whatever. So by time word got out, I did notice we had just changed, we had just moved right when Byerly started school his freshman year. So I did see like apparently a couple days later that there was a death notice for me at my old address at 12:15. But it didn't. So that night, that night, well that, yeah. So my ex husband in Kansas City got notified. And so how I was notified was he called me at 3:30 in the morning and his mother had been sick and I saw it was him. And the first thing that came to my mind was something happened to Grandma Karen. I'm gonna have to tell Briley. Not even rationalized thinking his father would tell him something. That's just what you think. And I answered the phone and he said, where's your mom? Like in bed, it's 3:30. What? You know, what do you want? And he didn't have anything smart to say. He just said, go to her. Yeah, so I knew something was serious. And I was like, okay. So as I started to head towards her bedroom, I got, I remember, right to my bedroom door. And he said, bradley's dead. And I stopped. And I remember I put my head against the door and I said the first thing that comes to mind. Car crash. Because it's 3:30 in the morning. And that was always my biggest fear.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then when he told me that he committed suicide, I was like, you're wrong. And so I threw. I was in my mom's room at this time. Like, I threw the phone to my mom, like, just pacing, like, this is, this is bull. But once I heard her scream, I knew.

[A]

So you, you did believe the news then a couple minutes later, at first.

[B]

Once I heard my mom scream, I knew, okay. That he wasn't just. Yeah. Then he gave my mom the information of the lieutenant that I needed to call. And this lieutenant was in tears. He said, I'm not talking to you as a police officer to. Except talking to parent to parent.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He said, this is one of the worst things I've had to witness, he said. And just, he said just on his floor, there was one hundred and fifty kids in tears. Just in tears. They were like, something's wrong with Bradley Blade. Something's wrong for the Blade. It's Bradley Blade. You know, he was very popular. Yeah. And, you know, the thought that things that bother me, like the thought that they put my kid in the body bag, I don't like that thought for some reason, you know, But I know that that had to be done to put him on the gurney, to get him out. You can't parade him through. But I also don't like the fact that all those kids standing there, that's what they saw. You know, I feel for them. It's a lot.

[A]

I remember when we found out, Abby and I were just. I mean, I think shocked is probably the best word to put it. We truly were wondering, like, was there a murder? Like, was there something? Like, we were running through every single possibility because hearing that it was suicide, it just didn't make any. Any sense because he was, like you've said so many times before, such a joyful, happy.

[B]

He was the funny guy that made everybody laugh.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, when he walked in the room, the room brightened.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like a party could just be okay or get together. When Bradley walked in, it was fun. He was the one that everyone gravitated to.

[C]

I remember they didn't announce it. The school didn't announce it till the next day. And I Just remember at first no one, they didn't release a name and so no one on campus knew.

[B]

We were like.

[C]

I mean a loss like that is heartbreaking regardless of if you know who the person is.

[B]

I never knew what was done on campus, so.

[C]

Well, I think the theater department was the one that told, like, told us.

[A]

That's how we found out who it was. It was a freshman in the theater department that texted me.

[C]

We thought she was lying.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Or mistake. Not lying, but like mistaken.

[B]

I thought he was. I was like, this is wrong. You have the wrong kid. And my ex husband told me that the two police officers that showed up at his house. Your son is dead. Committed suicide. He said he argued with them for 20 minutes, that they're at the wrong house, they have the wrong kid. Really not his kid. Sorry. It wouldn't have been his kid because, you know, Bradley was the. Just the light, the joy, the kind heart.

[C]

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[A]

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[A]

It's really heavy, you know, talking about these things. So I really appreciate you being able to be vulnerable and open up. And I know there's a lot of people listening who probably have lost somebody to suicide or who know of someone that is currently struggling with. With that and is, I guarantee, there and wanting to, you know, act on that. What was something that somebody did to you after the fact that really made you feel loved and made you feel seen?

[B]

Luckily, I have a very close family, very good support system. So for, like, Christmas and stuff, that would force me. And not a lot of force, but a heavy nudge.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, that was something also.

[A]

They would force you to, like, come to Christmas and, like, be around everyone.

[B]

To get the heck out of bed and to take a shower and to put your clothes on and. Yeah, be around people.

[A]

So you were spending a lot of days in bed?

[B]

I was laying in bed. I mean, I had gone for, at times, eight days without showering.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, it was like. No. I mean, my. My half of my soul, my heart was gone. I didn't know how to function.

[A]

Losing your son to suicide, did that drive you to want to do the same thing?

[B]

Yes. Well, my friends I'd known, especially my best friend, because I was a teacher. She was the aide in my room. And I would always say, because we kind of raised our kids together, if anything happens to him, just write me off, because I live for him. I mean, so I had. You know, they knew that that's. I lived for Briley. I mean, that's what I did. I was. Whatever he was doing, that's what I was doing, you know? And it's kind of weird to come back now because I have to figure out who I am. You know, I was a Rams cheerleader. I was this, I was that, before Briley. Then I had Riley for the best 20 years of my life. And I was Briley's mom. And I was a mom. And mom is a strong, strong word. It is a strong word. And I'll tell you what, you don't miss that word until you don't hear it anymore. I got to a point where I had to stop saying, why am I here? You're here for a reason. Figure it out. A suicide death is the hardest death to grieve. Because, yes, losing a kid, it's crippling, but to know that your child would rather be dead than to be here with you.

[A]

Did you find yourself wanting to blame yourself or.

[B]

Oh, the parent guilt is like, yeah, you just beat yourself up. What? Why?

[C]

Why?

[B]

Why didn't I call him when I got that text? Why did I let him go back? What was I? You just usually like, what if, what if I did this? But after two years of beating myself to death with that, I had to come to terms with. You can't do that. If you do, you will be insane. You know, you have to stop saying why and figure out what is your why. And then, you know, I looked at myself and I was like, my kid was so full of life and I'm laying here like a slug doing nothing. I'm just existing.

[C]

Oh my gosh.

[B]

I'm like so emotional.

[C]

I know so many moms are hearing what you said about how like your son was born and like everything you did before that was just like, why does that matter? You know, this is all that matters.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I know so many moms can relate to that.

[B]

The second I held him, I don't remember anything before him. It all went away like a past life. And that became my life.

[C]

Motherhood, you know, truly, it changes you. It changes your identity.

[B]

It does.

[C]

I can't imagine having to then wrestle with your own identity after a loss like this.

[B]

I can tell you what, I started the journey because I was 256 pounds on December 7th and I'm a list maker. To do, to do, to do, to do, to do. And I was like, you know what? Instead of looking at this list of everything that I didn't do, I have to decide now, am I going to live or am I just going to sit here and exist? Bradley would not want me to exist. He was too full of life. It's time to live. Let's see how this goes. I'm giving this six months to see if I have any life changes. So instead of writing down a to do list, I got me a notebook. I titled it showing up. And I started for that day writing what I did and I made myself. Went to my nephew's football games, went to this, went out to lunch with my sister, did this. I started to make myself list every date. Look what I did today. And then I got to where I would write Ms. Briley like crazy, bad day, sad face. Even in their great day, best day since happy faces. So not only was I listing what I was showing myself, look what you've done, you know, not what you need to do. Look what you've done. You should be proud. And now I don't even need to do that anymore. But that was a help. You know, another help for me was journaling. I write letters to Briley. It's kind of like just writing them every day. I know he knows what's going on, but I'm telling him something that you.

[A]

Shared with me today that I thought was really powerful was you told me that while you were doing a hike here in Phoenix that you ran into a couple and you were just, you know, making small talk with them and you ended up sharing with them that you'd lost your son to suicide. And you said that, you know, immediately this couple just started to tear up and the dad walked away, you know, just wanting, not really wanting to engage the usual stigma of males in an emotional conversation. But the mom opened up to you about her son being in a relationship that just. That just ended and her son being suicidal because of no longer being with his girlfriend. And it couldn't help me but think about. That's probably so many stories out there, so many people that are dealing with heartbreak, dealing with someone that no longer wants to be with them. And I think coming to terms with that must be extremely, extremely hard. I don't know all the details, but I want to say that was part of Briley's story too.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because when you mentioned relationship troubles. I know when. When Briley and I had hung out, he always talked about his girlfriend. He always was excited for me to meet her because he was obsessed with her.

[B]

Oh, he was.

[A]

And I was obsessed with my girlfriend at the time, too. I mean, I talked to everybody around me. Everybody knew that I was.

[B]

You guys are high school sweethearts. So were Briley and Kyla. Yeah, same thing.

[A]

You know, I don't know all the details, but I guess what ended up happening is there was some sort of situation where his girlfriend decided that she didn't want to be with him anymore. Am I correct in saying that something.

[B]

To the point, they were having relationship troubles, she was rushing a sorority, she had new friends, you know, moving on, living life, you know, And I think that's not what he saw. Yeah, you know, there was issues that he found out about. And.

[A]

Last year I wanted to figure out if I had ADHD or not. So I ended up getting a doctor's appointment scheduled all on my phone through zocdoc. If you're. If you don't know what Zocdoc is. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. That's exactly what I did. I was actually able to get in with a doctor very quickly. I want to say it was within a couple of days. And that's when I found out that indeed I did have ADHD. You can book in network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, who are located nearby, are a good fit for any medical need you may have and who are highly rated by verified patients. Appointments made through Zocdoc happen fast, typically within 24 to 72 hours. I actually had one when I got a concussion. I was able to get in literally that same day. So thank you to Zocdoc because they've been there for me when I screw stuff up. When I bonked my head into the gym on a kettlebell, that literally happened. I was gushing blood. It was, it was nasty. You can even score same day appointments. I use Zocdoc and you should too. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com unplanned to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z o c doc.com unplanned that's zocdoc.com unplanned.

[B]

We'Ve all made bad decisions. We've all not been the nicest to the people in our lives. We're just lucky that they didn't go do something stupid. My son chose to go and put a belt around his neck. No one else put that belt around his neck. He did it. So I always raised Briley. He always took responsibility for his actions and to me that's where that set. No one has blame in this. Yeah, I blamed no one. It's called free will to me. He made that decision. No one did it but him. So who am I to blame anyone else?

[C]

It's so hard because you are very active, your mother and seems like you had an amazing community. Actually I remember the day of Briley's funeral was so impactful for me. I still remember it so vividly because I remember telling Matt on our drive home afterwards, if only every person that we experience in our lives we could go to their hometown, we could talk to their family, their cousins, we could eat a meal with everyone that like ever crossed paths with them in their life. Think about how this world would have so much more empathy.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[C]

And we feel so much closer and more neighborly to each other. Like, because we only got to know Briley for a short amount of time. But then after that day, I was like, wow. I feel like I have such a beautiful, full, well rounded view of his life. The 20 years he got to spend on this earth. It was just so meaningful to me. Like the way that that day just can build so much empathy in a human. I think it's hard knowing like he had such firm roots, he had great community, great amazing, amazing mother and amazing family. So something you said prior to recording was like you sat with that why for so long, like, why? What could I have done differently? Why? Why?

[B]

Why even not only me, but like my sister, you know, she came to me and she's like, why didn't he come to me? My. My. My mom. Why didn't he come to me? My dad, when he come to me and I'm like, well, I'm his mom and he didn't come to me. And they're like, well, maybe he didn't want to come to his mom. You know, maybe he could have came to me. So it wasn't just me that questioned it. And the way that I explained suicide and the easiest way to do that is I want you to think of a pond and you throw a big old rock in it. The person who commits suicide is that rock. They're in pain and they think the best way to get this and make it go away is it's going to go away. It doesn't. That rock goes in that pond, it sinks, they're gone. But what happens when you do? It makes a huge ripple that disrupts everything. And guess what? The people closest to that rock, they're getting drowned by that ripple. But as that ripple goes out into the community, it affects everyone. So here we are, his family, picking up the pieces. You know, because literally with I think any child's death, everything's in place and it's like someone just took them and plucked them. You now have to be like, oh, not only did I have to make sure his dorm room was packed up and moved home, but then I had to go through his room. Room. It's just like death is the ultimate equalizer. You cannot take it with you. And that was very evident at the death of my son. Because you walk in. Everything of Briley exists except Briley. That's tough to swallow. And, you know, not being called mom is tough to swallow.

[C]

That's, you know, that's a knife to any mom.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think about like the conversation about grief. Cause like that first, those first weeks had to feel almost like too big. You couldn't even feel it.

[B]

I remember sitting on the couch all day with people coming and going and like so much food that we couldn't even store it at our house. We had to go store it out at our sister and brothers. Yeah. And just so many flowers that we had to again take them to other houses because you couldn't walk through our house. But you know, people were coming in and out and I just remember sitting on the couch just kind of be like, uh huh, huh, huh.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It didn't hit. Nothing really hit until that evening around 7 o'.

[C]

Clock.

[B]

His father had gone down there. His father had picked through his things and one thing that he took was Bradley's Broadway award and his car and just a few things and rummaged through and left everything else that didn't sit well with me. So when I hung up the phone, I snapped, I yelled, I screamed, I cussed, I cried. And that was the first time that I actually had release of emotion. It needed to be done, but it was actually seeing the people come together was just. I didn't have to ask for anything. One of the main first gifts we got was free photo developing and then those poster boards. This is actually a great gift for someone who dies because they just started pulling pictures from the kids phones and so fun pictures, Snapchats, anything that they had. So they got hundreds of those pictures developed and they were sitting there making those picture boards, storyboards that they displayed in the funeral home to give it more life. And as I walked through from my bedroom to the kitchen, I had to do a double take at like the eight family members that were sitting there going through pictures and doing it were not eight people that I would directly put in the same room together, but there they were working together at the table to do something. And as I walked by, I kind of just stopped and looked. Mom's like, would you like to help? I was like, no. But I went back in my room feeling, feeling good.

[C]

That's the first few days as months start to pass and now we're getting to years beyond. Like what is the hardest parts, would you say? I hear a lot of people say I've lost loved ones. Like holidays are specifically hard.

[B]

Yeah. And I will say happily, this Mother's Day was the first Mother's Day that I acknowledged. So the last five. Don't tell me Mother's Day. Yeah. Don't wish me Mother's Day. I don't want to hear it. So my family would just text me, thinking of you. Love you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you know what? I have a mother and a wonderful stepmother, and I celebrate them, and that was that.

[C]

That's good.

[B]

I don't want to hear it. But I've come a long way. I am a mom. I'm a mom of an angel, a beautiful angel.

[C]

Say someone else has a close loved one who is in a similar position to you on Mother's Day, what advice would you give to that person? Like, how to come alongside them? Because sometimes I think people are afraid to hurt feelings, but then you could also unintentionally just neglect them on those days.

[B]

Yeah. I had friends that I didn't hear from for, like, a year, and then when they did talk to me, they were like, I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say. I was a bad friend. And I was like, don't be sorry. There isn't anything good to say here. But I mean, also my family, my sister, you know, my dad, my mom, my brother, they were like, you're gonna come to Christmas. But they didn't push too hard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They knew. Like, when I said I had enough. Okay, she's. Let her go. It's okay. Yeah. You know, because everybody's grief journey is different.

[C]

Right.

[B]

There's no right or wrong way. And that's the thing that you need to figure out. I started to compare myself to others, like, I'm not special. She lost a kid, too. She's functioning. But, you know, circumstances are different, and everyone's grief journey is different. So I had to learn to show myself grace first.

[A]

Something that I thought was challenging, that you've been through is staying in the same location. I can't imagine losing someone and staying in the same town. You heard, You've mentioned that. You know, everything in Jerseyville reminds you of Briley. You get you anywhere you go, it reminds you of Riley. Even something as simple as going into a grocery store, going into Walmart, people will see you and come up to you and. And talk about Briley, because I'm sure they're trying to be kind or courteous.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And everybody.

[B]

I mean, Bradley's memory's still alive. But, you know, sometimes I'm just like, dang, I just came in to grab a quick bag of cat food, you know, which. And I appreciate. I really do appreciate. But, you know, you have to remember, like, sometimes the high is Just okay. Yeah. We don't need the whole, how are you doing? Has I been thinking, is everything okay? I. You know, because as much as we appreciate that, it's also a trigger and a reminder for us. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, so sometimes just that, hey, how you doing? Because I'm gonna say, okay. Yeah, that's all we need, you know? But I did have one particular. My best friend's aunt, right after Briley died. She's very proper Southern woman, and she believes every woman should wear makeup as soon as they get up and do their hair. And, you know, when you're in deep depression and you're not showering for eight days, you're not wanting to go anywhere. Aunt Louise is very forceful. She gets her way. She made me come over with my best friend Beth, once a week, every Tuesday. I grumbled at first because I had to get up. I had to take a shower, do my hair. I had to get on makeup. I had to get on clothes, actually. But when you go over there, every time it was a different lunch with a different restaurant. I found myself looking forward to Tuesdays. I did start to do well, but then I dropped back off for another year. I just didn't go to work. I didn't. I didn't. I cut off my family. I cut off my friends. I cut off my bonus little ones, my little bonus grandkids. I did.

[A]

Did they try coming to your house and you just wouldn't even answer the door?

[B]

Yeah. It was just more annoying for me. Like, really? Yeah. I was like. I was like, I want to be alone. Just, like, go away.

[A]

Did any family members ever, like, climb through a window to make sure that you were?

[B]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah, my. You know, I lived with my mom. I was okay. Oh, yeah. I mean, they checked on me. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was just like, you know, and I went and I gained. I got up to 256 pounds because food became my. My drug.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My coping mechanism. It became, like, I guess, like, a power struggle. Like, I was eating things I don't normally eat, like Reese's peanut butter cups and stuff. And it was like, I'm gonna eat this king size, and I dare you to tell me not to do it. It was gonna make me, like, a rebel thing, like, maybe an anger thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But like I said, On December 7th, I made a decision.

[A]

December 7th, 2024. You did? Like, just recently. Okay.

[B]

Not even a year ago. I said, you either have to live or this is it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I started with the journaling of what I did. Showing up. Look what you did today. Be proud of yourself. Start with the self acceptance of it's okay if your grief journey takes longer. It's okay if your grief journey is not the same. It's okay. And it's no, it's okay to not be okay. Something I do with my littles, my best friends, grandkids, typical four year old, two year old, they get up, they get cranky. I will say, Nolan, come on, let's do a reset. And we take a couple deep breaths and we have a reset. Because we don't want to hold on from the morning bad behavior or me constantly yelling at him or putting him in timeout. Let's do a reset. So I have learned for myself, if I'm having a bad morning, stop it. Yeah, take some breaths, do a reset. And for me, the thing that helps me is mindless, hilarious tv. I have ridiculousness on and impractical jokers on constantly because it takes more muscles to frown than to smile.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I want to be like Briley. He was always kind, he always paid it forward, he always laughed. And those were two of his favorite shows.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I mean, I'm sorry if you are not watching the idiots on ridiculousness and it does not make you chuckle, something is really wrong with your funny bone. I realized also because I went on the weight journey, I lost 106 pounds.

[A]

That's incredible. That's incredible.

[B]

December 7th, I think I saw that.

[A]

Did you make a post about that on Facebook? I want to say I saw something about that.

[B]

I haven't been like. I'm not bragging, you know, because it's my journey.

[A]

No, that's, that's, that's amazing. Yeah. You should be very proud of me.

[B]

About 20. I'd like to go, but I feel better. I'm me. Oh.

[A]

Well, I mean, even recently, you. You texted me. You like sent a mass text in a group chat to a bunch of people saying, hey, this is my new phone number. If you can add my. Add my contact, that would be great. And it was so cool hearing from you because I, I mean it. I mean, it's been like seven years since I've seen you and I'm guessing get like, was getting a new phone, getting a new phone number. Was that part of your reset?

[B]

Yes, I, I did a full reset. So I didn't date when Briley was alive because it's not my place to. My place was to raise him, not raise any Tom. Pull every Tom, Dick and Harry in front of him. He was my number one focus. So I thought, I'll date when he goes to college. That happened. So I decided, you know what? I've never been alone. I came from a very close knit family. I went away to college with roommates, graduate school with roommates. Then I had Briley at 25. And you know, as a mom and as a dad, once you have a kid, you're never alone. Yeah, Never ever, ever.

[A]

So now you're alone for the first time.

[B]

For the very first time. I'm 52 and starting over and I have to be okay. And you know, the child was not my choice, but it's very freeing. Now I can make my own choices that benefit me. Not have to worry about others.

[C]

This episode is brought to you by Google Gemini. Thinking back to our college days and thinking about the lengths we had to do to go to. And that wasn't even that long ago.

[A]

To do just to study. Just to make some freaking flashcards seem to take forever, people.

[C]

No remember when, for a class in college, I had to go through. What were those tapes in the. In the library? It's like film.

[A]

Oh, my lord. Abby was. Yeah, you. You went. Was it a freaking record player that you used or was it. Was it a VHS tape or. It was even more ancient than a VHS tape.

[C]

Our more seasoned viewers will know what I'm talking about. But you had to put like these rolls of film on this machine and like zoom in to look at old magazines and articles.

[A]

That just gives me the ick. I can't believe people actually used to do stuff like that.

[C]

So much hassle. Not very efficient with my time. But now college students, do you know you can turn the most complex topics into simplified ideas or hours of research into just minutes? How about turning class notes into practice quizzes that can help you get the big idea.

[A]

With Google Gemini, you can do all that and more. You can even turn long reads into quick listens. Because what could be better than a podcast? I've actually tried this out before, babe. It is very cool. You just give it your notes, everything you want to review, and then boom, you got a podcast right from Google Gemini.

[C]

That's actually insane. We're living in the future, everyone. The great news is students get Google Gemini's Pro plan free for one year. Sign up by October 6th to get free access to Gemini 2.5 Pro, unlimited image uploads, deep research notebook, LM2 terabytes of storage and more. Visit Gemini Google Slash students to learn more and sign up for terms Apply. I love how you talk about journaling specifically in the letter format. I think that must be so impactful. And it's actually a very similar theme to the musical. Dear Evan Hansen, I don't know how familiar you are with it.

[B]

No, I haven't seen it.

[C]

Which is actually like a big inspiration too, for, like, wanting to have this podcast. We just saw it at the Muni and it covers the topic of suicide.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's a big part of it that I love.

[B]

What's the line?

[C]

If a tree falls in a forest.

[B]

Does anyone make a sound that can.

[C]

Still make a sound?

[B]

Yeah, basically.

[C]

Your illustration of like the ripple effect on the lake, like, that is similar sentiment. Thinking about the ripple effect and thinking about the people that might be on the outside of those ripples. Were there people that came out around that time of loss or since then? They're like, wow, I didn't even know this big of an impact happened. Like Briley's life had this impact on you?

[B]

Yeah, you know, like, my brother in law works for Ameren in St. Louis and he even like went to a conference over there. And there were other people and of course they were like, where are you from? He said, jersey, Illinois. And they're like, oh, my gosh, you just had a major suicide with a kid there. It was huge. And he was like, that was my nephew. But also I. The spot that we put Bradley in in the front. And I'm glad I. At the time I was thinking, so I didn't put him in the Catholic cemetery. I put him in the city cemetery, which is beautiful. And we have an old spot which is by the mausoleum. And they just happen to have two extras. And it's right in front. And Carl had them. He said, right in front where Bradley needs to be. And I'm glad that I got that because the kids that he counseled, or maybe younger kids that were friends with him out in that ripple effect, they ride their bikes out there. So I often see kids on bikes out there visiting. So, yeah, it did. It did affect everyone. And, you know, I don't know if you remember driving across from the church to the cemetery. They did tell me afterwards that it took 25 minutes to get everyone across the road. But did you see all the kids at the elementary school with their hands on their heart as the hearse went by?

[C]

The topic of suicide has been talked about a lot more recently. I don't remember the conversation as much. Even when I was in high school. I feel like we've had a lot more conversation about it. I'm curious, from your perspective as someone that has been so deeply impacted by it, what are we getting wrong about the conversation? Like, what about it? Are you. Like, this is a misconception or.

[B]

I don't like this. First of all, we. First of all, we make it like it's bad. Like suicide.

[A]

No, no, no, don't talk about it.

[B]

Yeah. Like, there's a stigma, and I think it's because people just don't understand. You know, here we are, we take this. We work out. We take care of our bodies, but we don't take care of our brains. Brains are a muscle, and you need to. You need therapy. We all have issues. We're all going through something. We're all fighting something that needs to be dealt. Dealt with. But it's just the fact that it's the stigma, especially with males. You know, you look over, someone looks sad. When I was growing up, it was like, what do you have to be sad about? You know, you don't have any bills. What do you. You're sad. Figure it out. Talk to people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I've suffered from anxiety and depression since the age I was born with anxiety, you know, and I'm sure that's where. And I deal with that guilt that I gave it to my child, you know, but I had to let that go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, it's just like anything else. It's like diabetes. It's like anything that you need a treatment for.

[A]

Did you end up getting on any sort of medication after Riley's death?

[B]

I was on medication before Riley's death.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. And actually, proudly. I'm actually halfway off of all. I mean, all my meds have cut in half. I'm doing slow.

[A]

Okay, so you're working on getting off of those?

[B]

Yeah, well, there'll be a little that I have to take because I naturally, I. I suffer from anxiety and depression. So the reason I think that if Riley was struggling and he didn't reach out was because he heard his father constantly call me crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy. There we are with the males and the stigma, you know, And a boy typically doesn't come out and say, hey, this is bothering me, because what's someone gonna say? Get over it? You know, we gotta stop that. We've gotta stop to get over it. We need to talk about it. And for me, the Jed foundation is the best because the parents started this. Their youngest son committed suicide. And it works with schools and universities to have groups and to raise awareness. And let's talk about this let's break this stigma. It's okay. Bradley didn't reach out. But I always. I started this thing. I don't know what you're not saying. I can't help you if you don't tell me. You're in crisis and neither can anyone else. So if you don't reach out, we don't know what you're not saying. You know, we're not mind readers. Please tell anyone. You know, hopefully it's someone that you trust enough that will help you and not just blow you off, like get over it or go take a nap or whatever. Yeah.

[C]

Maybe a part of that conversation is also like, be willing to talk to somebody. But then if someone approaches you saying X, Y and Z, training people to know how to respond to that.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

Because sometimes I think there's probably well meaning people that are like, okay, this is important. I know I should do something, but I just forget the words to say. Correct. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, when someone comes to you and is like, I feel like unaliving myself, you're like, okay, you know, what are you gonna respond to with that back? The first thing you should say, how can I help you? You know, not get over it. Go take a nap, whatever. What. What can I do for you? How can I help you right now? What do you need? What is your problem? How are you feeling? How can we get through this? Because I'm here. We will get through this together. And of course, if you're at your. Where you're at your wits end, there's always the 988 lifeline, you know, for emergencies.

[A]

I'm glad you mentioned that because I didn't even know about that until you had brought it up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

988 is essentially for anybody that doesn't know, it's the number that you call, like 91 1. But 988 is for people that are considering suicide.

[B]

It's called the 988 lifeline.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So if you are contemplating suicide, if you are having deep thoughts, call it.

[A]

I want to get into a little bit more about Riley's legacy. Also a little bit more into the person that he was. I'm sure for everyone listening in who didn't get the chance to actually know Briley and be around him like we did. There's a lot there. But I did want to share with you some fun memories with Riley because I think it's always fun to bring these up. I was thinking about this a lot today and one of the. One of the memories that Came to my mind was working out together. We only worked out together a handful of times, but I remember one time we were on the way to the gym and the Marine Corps was recruiting on campus.

[B]

Wanted to be a Marine.

[A]

Yes. And they had a pull up bar and they were seeing if any guys wanted to see how many pull ups they could do and do a competition. Well, I had been working out quite a bit, so I thought, man, I. I feel like I could maybe crush this. I think I could win. And I go up, I go up and I want to say I did 14 pull ups and I was feeling pretty good. I was like, I don't think anyone's in his half that Bradley gets up there and he did either 15 or 16. Just completely. It was impressive. I mean, the Marines were very strict. So if you didn't do perfect, pristine form, they were like, that doesn't count. They wouldn't even. They wouldn't even count it for us. And another thing, we were both skinny guys trying to gain muscle. So in the gym, I remember him doing this workout. I thought it was so funny. And I ended up doing it too, because I was like, yeah, he's got a point. I've got a skinny neck. I got a bulk up my neck. But he put like, he. He strapped something to his head and then put a weight like at the end of it. And he was like laying down on a bench, like lifting his head up and down like. Like he was like a chicken.

[B]

He learned that in football.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because when you do football, you have to have a strong neck. So there's actually, actually, it's funny, you can put the weight, but there's actually a neck machine.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Your place must not have had the machine we did.

[A]

I never had a neck machine.

[B]

Yeah, so, yeah, okay. He just was making do.

[A]

He was weight, I guess just a few more. Another one. I've told you this one before, but Briley. I thought Briley was beatboxing next to me in acting class.

[C]

Oh, I. I think about this a lot.

[A]

I was like, no freaking way. Somebody else who loves to beatbox. So I started going like.

[C]

With him.

[A]

And then Briley starts beatboxing and then we're beatboxing together. We're like making all these beats. And then he's like, yeah, I have Tourette's. And I'm like, I'm. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I did not mean, like, I was totally. Never would want to hurt anybody. But he. He just.

[B]

He just went with it. That Was Riley. Yeah. No, he. He had. He had the facial tics and they would shift, and then once he hit puberty, he had the little hum. Like just a. Yeah.

[C]

I've realized I have a pattern going on with the audiobooks I select recently. I tend to go from a murder mystery, more of a thriller type of vibe, to a palette cleansing romance type of vibe. Maybe with a little smut. I just explained to Matt recently what that word means, and now he tries to say it whenever he has the chance. But I've always turned to romance to be like my palette cleanser. I just love a good romance. And Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. Fancy a dalliance per with a duke or perhaps a sexy billionaire. Oh, who doesn't love a sexy billionaire? Find a book boyfriend in the city and another on the hockey field. Or if nothing on this earth satisfies you, you can always find love in another realm. Never tipped my toes in that type of genre, but there's always a first time for everything.

[A]

We're talking court of thorns and roses, baby. Wait, what's that called?

[C]

Acotar Here. Modern rom coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood. The latest romantic series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros, and Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander. Plus all the really steamy stuff.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

I personally have been really liking Carly Fortune's newest release. There's something for everyone though, on Audible Romance. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day [e-mail] unplanned.

[A]

You know, it's hilarious because, you know, in typical Briley fashion, me and him and I know you've seen the photos. We'll have to put up a picture on the screen for everyone to see, but we painted ourselves in body paint. Actually, I don't even think. This wasn't even body paint. I bought this paint just like acrylic paint. It was like the cheapest paint I could find as a college student because I was like, I'm not. I don't want to drop a bunch of money on paint. So we went to Walmart and got white and maroon paint and it like stung on our entire bodies because it was just like, not meant to go on your body. But anyway, like, I forget if I had the mic and Briley had the U or whatnot, but we painted her bodies put on these. These bear heads. We're going crazy in the student section. There's nobody there. Like, no one Showed up to this game, except basically, they're getting smoked.

[C]

I'm pretty sure.

[A]

Yeah. I think. I think the Bears 69 is something.

[B]

Because he went viral.

[A]

Yeah. No, we were down by, like, 40 points. And then Briley went viral because this clip of him, I think he was flossing or dancing.

[B]

And those. You guys had on those Jordans.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So short.

[A]

We had extremely short.

[B]

Jorts on your pockets were even showing. They're so short.

[A]

He went viral on this social media page called Fifth Year. It's like a subsidiary of Barstool.

[B]

On Barstool.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then on ESPN4.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's because ESPN for you guys were losing so bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So badly that they were just gaining the crowd, like, well, this is boring. I think it was towards fourth quarter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who did they spot? You were sitting down. I think you had had enough. You were tired, so you had the bear head on. Like, I'm resting. And I was like, matt's the smart one. He's got the bear head on. So everybody doesn't know who he is on national tv, but there was Riley, you know, dancing or flossing or doing something. So.

[C]

Boop.

[B]

ESPN's got like, well, look at this guy. His team's getting smoked, but he's still got it. So actually, the head coach of the football team pulled him down. And so for the homecoming game, for the pep rally, there was a post on his Instagram. They pulled him down, and the head coach gave him a hoodie because he's like, for this game, you might need to put some clothes on. But for that pep rally, he had the head coach next to him, the whole football team behind him. He was in the gymnasium, in the pep rally, and the football coach pulled him down and said, this is our best, you know, fan. This is how the students should be here.

[A]

I never even knew about this.

[B]

Yeah. And so he has an Instagram post with him with this whole gymnasium. He's like, oh, my God, college is pretty cool. He's like, I got the football coach next to me, football team behind me, and I still have that hoodie that the football coach gave him. It was really unique. And he's like, you're gonna need some clothes for the homecoming game. So. But they let him speak and get down there, and he was like, you know, go, Bears. He's like, this is what we need, students to all day. That's awesome. That.

[A]

That is. That's hilarious.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I think it's. It's important to bring up, like, yeah, you look you look at Briley, you look at how fun he was and how just a joy he was to be around and, you know, post he's going viral on social media for just being this.

[B]

Being himself.

[A]

Yeah. Being himself in the stands. And yet nobody would have ever guessed that he was going through something when he was going through something.

[B]

Never.

[A]

And it's nobody's fault. You know, it's not your fault. It's not.

[B]

It took me a while to realize that as a mom. It took you a while to drop that grief as a mom.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you're like, I grew this kid. How did I miss this?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But there were alms to God, not a sign.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because it wasn't just me. It was everyone in the family that said he was the kid that came in with a smile, that everybody was waiting. Where's Briley? Where's Briley? Because it's not fun until Briley's here.

[A]

What do you want Briley's legacy to be going forward? Like, what does that mean to you?

[B]

My son was one of the most kindest humans that I ever met. If he saw a kid sitting by himself at the lunch table, he would go sit with that kid. He didn't care. One quick example story at U of I for theater Fest, they were at a bus station. He noticed this. The guy looked distressed. The guy was blind and had lost which bus he was to go to. So Briley told his theater people, I'll be back, and guided this man to the exact bus that he needed to go, because that's what Briley was. I had a teacher tell me I started it. As a parent, you're grateful to hear these things because you know you did something right. That was just his heart. And that makes me decide. My purpose here is to help the kids. I want to help others. I have an education degree, a special education degree, but if I didn't have student loans, I would go back and get that counselor degree because I am so close and I have a master's degree that. Where I could go to the schools and maybe start with that Jed foundation, because they raise awareness and they have the money that starts the things in schools and in universities where kids who are having an issue can reach out. And this is my third chapter. So this is what we have to do. I had to pick myself up. I have to use my coping techniques that work for me. For things that work for me are the shower. You know, if you're having trouble and you're having trouble Getting up. I swear, this sounds so minute, but get up. Wash your face, brush your teeth, comb your hair. Force yourself to just put on clothes. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. The difference that it makes is shocking. From somebody who has been to the lowest depths of hell to where I am now, I had to find coping techniques. And that's where everyone who's going through something needs to do. I think that we get so wrapped up in my aunt, God rest her soul. Aunt Patty would always say you could get through anything if you have a plan. Okay, well, I think people are ready to rush with. My plan is I should have a job at this point. I should have a house at this point. I should have a car at this point. I'm starting over 52. My car barely runs. It's my dad's, actually. I'm not teaching right now. I'm waitressing. It's humbling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But guess what? I'm happy. The plan is for today.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, we can get through anything if we have a plan. Let's make the plan for today. Today's plan is to get this, to do this, to do this, to do this. And then at the end of today, you get to write it down what you did and you get to take pride. Because when I first started that journal of what showing up, the entries were this big.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, as it got going, half page sometime, of everything I did and how I felt and how grateful I was for the earth angels in my life. You know, I mean, you just have to make that decision to do it, to live.

[A]

That's powerful. I think writing things down to show yourself what you accomplished is. Is so cool, because there's been times that, like, looking back at my past, if I would have just written down some of the stuff that I'd accomplished, I could have taken so much pride in that. But it was like my. My. My mind was focused on other things. Yeah. And so, you know, as weird as it is, we're all. We're all human. We all have these complex feelings and emotions, and sometimes to take yourself to the next step, just as simple as. Yeah. Getting out of bed, taking a shower, brushing your teeth, making your bed, and writing down even just that, to say that you did it and to take pride in that. You did that thing.

[B]

Yes. That's what you. Today I got up today, I took a shower today I made my bed today. That's what you mean. That's what I mean about. Make your plan attainable. You don't want to set it where it's not reachable because then what's that? More failure to you.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

And more negativeness. So it's not what we need to do. But yes, we do the walk out of the darkness every year for Briley. That'll be coming up at the end of September. It's a 5k walk and he's on the quilt and they go city to city. You can also have your own to raise money for suicide. We get a theme every year and we go and we raise money. A group of us, family, friends. Yeah. Something we do now. I would like to reach out really quickly to the LGBT community because with them and the gender identity and the crisis and then everything non acceptance that they go through, I would like to say the Trevor project for them is perfect, perfect place for LGBTQ to reach out and it helps anyone with that. Another one that I also hold dear is the soldiers club because our vets, our vets are committing suicide at an alarming rate. At an alarming rate. We work out our bodies. We're all obsessed. The way we look. This is just as important.

[A]

Well, Missy, thank you so very much for coming on the show. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for sharing Riley's story. If you are someone that knew Briley or had some memory that you wanted to share, please feel free to comment down below the memory. I'm sure Missy would love to read those in the comments because again, I mean, just being at the funeral and seeing how many hundreds and hundreds of people were there, it was just so clear that he made such a large impact, such a large ripple on the community. So, Missy, thank you for being here.

[B]

Thank you, guys.

[A]

It's so inspiring to hear you deciding to restart at 52 and take life by the reins. And that's really inspiring, I think, for me and for so many people. So thank you for being here.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And Doug, here we have the Limu emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

[B]

Fascinating.

[A]

It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[B]

Uh, limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera.

[A]

They see us. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings Ferry Unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates excludes Massachusetts this episode is brought to you by LifeLock. It's cybersecurity awareness month, and Lifelock has tips to protect your identity. Use strong passwords, set up multi factor authentication, report phishing, and update the software on your devices. And for comprehensive identity protection, let LifeLock alert you to suspicious uses of your personal information. Lifelock also fixes identity theft, guaranteed or your money back. Stay smart, safe and protected with a 30 day free trial at lifelock.com podcasts terms apply.