The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Episode: Losing My Son, Grief & Overcoming Depression ft. Missy (Our Friend’s Mom)
Date: September 17, 2025

Episode Overview

This deeply personal and emotional episode features Missy, the mother of Matt and Abby’s late friend Briley, who died by suicide seven years ago. In honor of Suicide Awareness Month, the hosts enter into an honest conversation about unbearable loss, the reality of grief, and how Missy gradually found ways to cope and heal. The episode balances heartbreaking testimony with resilience, hope, and practical wisdom for anyone impacted by suicide or intense grief.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Day Briley Died: Recounting the Loss

• Missy describes in detail the last few days with Briley, including the events leading up to his passing and the moment she was notified.
• Briley appeared joyful and made future plans, showing no outward signs of suicidal intent prior to his death.
  • "There was not a sign. Because if there was a sign, those car keys would have been up my rear end. He would have never left." – Missy (05:03)
• The trauma of how Briley was discovered in his dorm and the reality of how the notification reached Missy is profoundly detailed.
• The ripple effect across the family, friends, and wider community was immediate and intense.
  • "Just on his floor, there was one hundred and fifty kids in tears. Just in tears." – Missy (11:18)

Notable Segment:

• [01:06]–[08:50] – Missy’s recounting of Briley’s final days and the aftermath

Navigating Grief and Struggles with Depression

• Missy describes the debilitating effects of her grief—days spent in bed, loss of will, and the guilt she faced as a mother.
  • "My half of my soul, my heart was gone. I didn't know how to function." – Missy (16:09)
• She acknowledges the unique pain of suicide loss, including the tendency to search endlessly for blame and "what ifs."
• After two years of paralyzing guilt, Missy made a conscious choice to stop asking "why" and begin searching for a new "why"—a sense of renewed purpose.
  • "You can't do that. If you do, you will be insane. You know, you have to stop saying why and figure out what is your why." – Missy (18:00)

Practical Coping Strategies:

• Journaling both for herself and as letters to Briley—tracking "showing up" helped Missy shift her mindset and recognize her daily achievements.
  • "Instead of writing down a to-do list, I… titled it 'showing up.' And I started for that day writing what I did… Look what you've done. You should be proud." – Missy (19:08)
• Finding gratitude in small, manageable goals: getting out of bed, showering.
• The importance of community and support systems in nudging, not forcing, participation in life and events.
• The emotional and physical changes from depression, including significant weight gain and gradual weight loss as recovery progressed.

Memorable Moment:

• [18:52]–[20:22] – Missy’s "showing up" journal and the value of small daily victories

The Complexity of Grief & the Journey to Healing

• Each person's grief journey is distinct; comparisons only add pain.
• Family and friends should keep reaching out but respect boundaries—the most helpful support was sometimes just presence and gentle invitations.
  • "My family would just text me, thinking of you. Love you." – Missy (29:55)
• Holidays, especially Mother's Day, remained difficult for years but began to be acknowledged again recently.
• Missy shares that finding her new identity required intentionality and acceptance—she is now, as she puts it, "a mom of an angel."

Core Advice:

• [30:08]–[31:21] – Advice for supporting someone experiencing similar loss

The Stigma Surrounding Suicide & Mental Health

• The culture around suicide is still shrouded in silence, especially for men. Missy speaks against this stigma.
  • "We work out. We take care of our bodies, but we don’t take care of our brains. Brains are a muscle... You need therapy. We all have issues." – Missy (41:50)
• Mental illness is no different than any other health condition requiring treatment.
• The “ripple effect” analogy makes clear the widespread impact of suicide on communities.
• Open discussion and access to resources, like the Jed Foundation and The Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth), are essential for prevention and healing.

Timestamps:

• [41:20]–[45:27] – Stigma, prevention, and supporting others in crisis

Briley’s Legacy: Kindness, Connection, & Resilience

• Briley is remembered for his humor, compassion, and unique ability to connect with anyone, especially isolated or struggling peers.
  • "If he saw a kid sitting by himself at the lunch table, he would go sit with that kid. He didn't care." – Missy (53:37)
• His joy and kindness provided a model for Missy’s own return to life and purpose.
• Briley’s passing mobilized ongoing suicide prevention efforts in the community—including the annual "Walk Out of the Darkness" and other awareness events.
• Missy discusses the power in meaningful, attainable daily plans—"the plan is for today"—and celebrates progress in bite-sized victories.

Heartfelt Story:

• [53:37]–[56:44] – Missy on Briley’s nature and the creation of his legacy

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Time | Quote | Speaker | |------|-------|---------| | 05:03 | "There was not a sign. Because if there was a sign, those car keys would have been up my rear end. He would have never left." | Missy | | 11:18 | "This is one of the worst things I've had to witness... just on his floor, there was one hundred and fifty kids in tears." | Missy | | 16:09 | "My half of my soul, my heart was gone. I didn't know how to function." | Missy | | 18:00 | "You can't do that. If you do, you will be insane. You have to stop saying why and figure out what is your why." | Missy | | 19:08 | "Instead of writing down a to-do list, I… titled it 'showing up.' And… writing what I did… Look what you've done. You should be proud." | Missy | | 29:55 | "My family would just text me, thinking of you. Love you." | Missy | | 41:50 | "We work out. We take care of our bodies, but we don’t take care of our brains. Brains are a muscle... You need therapy." | Missy | | 53:37 | "If he saw a kid sitting by himself at the lunch table, he would go sit with that kid. He didn't care." | Missy | | 56:08 | "The plan is for today. Today's plan is to get this, to do this... At the end of today, you get to write it down what you did and you get to take pride." | Missy |

Practical Takeaways & Resources

• Grief is not linear: Support yourself and others with patience, small steps, and acceptance.
• Journaling and self-reflection: Tracking progress helps build self-esteem and motivation.
• Support Lines:
  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988
  • The Jed Foundation: jedfoundation.org
  • The Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth): thetrevorproject.org
• Community Action: “Walk Out of the Darkness” 5K and other local suicide prevention efforts.

Suggested Timestamps for Topic Reference

• [01:06]–[08:50]: Briley’s final days and discovery
• [15:12]–[20:22]: Immediate aftermath, coping, "showing up" journaling
• [27:02]–[31:21]: How grief manifests over time; advice for supporting others
• [41:20]–[45:27]: Breaking the suicide stigma; resources for help
• [53:37]–[56:44]: Briley’s acts of kindness and ongoing legacy

Episode Tone

The episode is direct, raw, and compassionate. Matt and Abby create a space for Missy to share openly, with the mood alternating between heartbreak and hope. Missy's honesty, humor, and resilience shine through even the darkest subjects, making the conversation both emotionally intense and uplifting by its conclusion.

If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out to the “988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline”—help is available. For more resources and Briley’s legacy fund, see the episode description.