The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Episode: Married Couple Answers Your Relationship Dilemmas (Cheating, Performance Anxiety, & Sleep Divorce)
Release Date: February 11, 2026
Hosts: Matt & Abby Howard

Episode Overview

In this candid and energetic episode, high school sweethearts Matt & Abby dive into listeners' juiciest, funniest, and toughest relationship dilemmas. With a healthy dose of humor and honesty, they tackle a variety of topics—from cheating confessions at bachelorette parties, performance anxiety during pregnancy, to fart-induced sleep divorces—offering unqualified but heartfelt advice shaped by their own decade-long relationship. Throughout, they emphasize choosing each other through hardships and embracing open, gentle communication.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Relationship Struggles are Universal

• Perspective on Hard Times (03:57 – 05:32):
  • Matt reflects on Mel Robbins’ analogy that a relationship is like "two people in a boat," emphasizing the need for balance and perseverance.
  • Quote: “Maybe there’s a unicorn out there that has, like, a perfect relationship… but I think people who act like they don’t have challenges in the relationship are just liars.” — Matt (04:16)
  • Abby notes some couples avoid confrontation, but she advocates for openness despite the hard work involved.
  • “If you experience conflict in your marriage, please don’t think that your marriage has to be over… There’s seasons and waves.” — Abby (04:41)

2. Cheating at a Bachelorette Party: Should You Tell?

• [07:03 – 10:12]
  • A listener reveals her friend cheated on her fiancé at a bachelorette but still got married. Should she tell?
  • Matt and Abby agree honesty before marriage is critical, but after the fact, confronting the friend and expressing disapproval is best.
  • Quote: “The time to say something is before they’re married—100% to your friend, to encourage her to be honest with her fiancé.” — Abby (07:48)
  • “If your friend refuses to confess, you’re well within your rights to step back from the friendship.” — Abby (09:26)

3. Supporting a Partner’s Confidence

• [10:12 – 12:02]
  • Listener says her boyfriend’s confidence issues are giving her "the ick."
  • Matt cites How to Win Friends and Influence People—encourage transformation with positivity: “Lead with the carrot, not the stick.” (10:44)
  • Abby normalizes her feelings but emphasizes actively building up your partner, and Matt jokes that “nothing makes me more confident than getting laid.” (11:57)

4. Tech & Phone Boundaries

• [13:57 – 17:19]
  • Listener’s partner is glued to their phone (“for work”); advice for setting boundaries.
  • Matt suggests creating no-phone time together, using gentle “I statements” rather than blame.
  • Quote: “If you convince someone against their will, they’re of the same opinion still.” — Matt quoting Dave Ramsey (15:15)
  • Abby and Matt banter over their own screen times—Matt sheepishly reveals his Minecraft obsession.

5. Sleep Divorce: Stinky Farts Edition

• [18:37 – 21:22]
  • A hilarious crisis: “My spouse’s farts are so bad, I have to sleep in a different room.”
  • Matt claims it’s genetic, and recounts stories of his family’s “fart pad.”
  • Abby recommends Beano (“You take Beano and there will be no gas!”—21:01), and advocates for eventual co-sleeping again.

6. Performance Anxiety & Pregnancy Intimacy

• [21:40 – 23:39]
  • Listener’s husband is struggling during pregnancy.
  • Abby: “Find new, fun ways to do it… do something totally different.” (22:54)
  • Matt validates the hormonal changes and encourages experimentation to reignite excitement.

7. Intentional Connection When Apart

• [24:02 – 25:54]
  • Listener’s husband is gone 5.5 days/week; how to be intentional?
  • Abby: avoid screens, try conversation starter cards, get creative.
  • Matt reminisces about their creative college dates and underscores thoughtfulness.

8. When You & Your Partner Want to Live in Different States

• [27:53 – 29:36]
  • Matt advocates for scheduling timeframes for moves so both people’s needs are considered; Abby recommends couples counseling for nuanced issues.

9. Mismatched Love Languages: Physical Touch

• [29:46 – 31:47]
  • Abby urges not to equate lack of touch with unattractiveness—“Don’t fill in narratives where they’re not there.” (30:09)
  • Matt suggests open, encouraging talk: “Express that it would mean a lot to you.”

10. Marriage After Living Together

• [32:23 – 32:47]
  • Little will change operationally, says Matt, but marriage does bring deeper commitment.

11. Should Financial Stability Delay Baby #2?

• [33:36 – 36:40]
  • Matt, citing his finance background, suggests saving for 6–12 months first, while Abby balances with the realities of timing and values.
  • Agreement: be very disciplined for a short time to build a nest egg, not pushing off plans indefinitely.

12. In-Laws & Smoking Boundaries

• [37:55 – 40:12]
  • Approaching a mother-in-law about not smoking around kids is tough.
  • Matt: use gentle “I” statements, stress health, and have the partner whose parent it is lead the conversation (40:12).

13. After a Draining Job: How to Recharge

• [41:07 – 43:32]
  • Abby: “Doomscrolling is not relaxing.” (41:07)—advocate for decompressing intentionally (walk, solo time, bath) and set boundaries for self-care and couple connection.
  • Matt likes bathtime together for connection.

14. Pressures Around Marriage Timelines

• [43:33 – 46:00]
  • For couples disagreeing on when to marry, Abby says long dating can sap momentum, so an ultimatum after many years is fair.
  • Quote: “If you’ve been together five years and your partner wants to wait seven more, that can be a red flag.” — Abby (44:41)
  • Encourages mingling with married friends to reduce anxiety.

15. Weddings & Finances: Should Unemployment Delay the Date?

• [46:33 – 47:57]
  • If financial, scale the wedding. But if job loss reflects deeper character issues, reconsider marriage.

16. Creating Romance in Marriage

• [48:06 – 50:47]
  • Matt and Abby joke about Matt’s (sometimes goofy) romantic gestures.
  • Abby reframes romance: “Sometimes you just have to accept each other’s quirks and find the ways your partner shows love.”

17. Making Baby-Making Fun

• [51:32 – 53:59]
  • Advice: introduce lighthearted elements, shake up routine, and ensure there are other fun/meaningful activities on "those" days to keep it from feeling like a chore.

18. Getting Back Together After Breaking Up

• [55:45 – 57:29]
  • Only rekindle if real change has happened—start from scratch and involve wise friends.

19. Waiting for Marriage: How Long Is Too Long?

• [58:17 – 59:52]
  • Matt: “Three years is the max—it’s too much torture!”
  • Abby: Have an “end date;” don’t blame yourself if it’s hard to maintain.

20. Postpartum Roommates: Romance After Baby

• [60:21 – 64:11]
  • Abby normalizes feeling disconnected and “like roommates” at three months postpartum.
  • Quote: “Give yourself grace… this is just a season. Don’t make any big decisions in the first six months postpartum.” — Abby (62:23)
  • Matt: “You’re in the middle of winter, but summer’s coming.” (62:06)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Honesty and Timing: “The time to say something is before they’re married—100% to your friend… You don’t go into a marriage keeping secrets of cheating.” — Abby (07:48)
• On Confidence: “Nothing makes me more confident than getting laid.” — Matt (11:57)
• On Setting Boundaries: “Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still.” — Matt, quoting a Dave Ramsey aphorism (15:15)
• On Parenthood & Postpartum: “It’s like you took a snow globe and shook it all up. You gotta wait for those snowflakes to fall.” — Abby (62:45)
• On Long-Term Dating Before Marriage: “Three years is the max… Your DNA is literally telling you to procreate with this person.” — Matt (58:43)
• On Accepting Each Other: “There’s a couple hills you’re not going to die on with your partner—learn to love those weird things.” — Abby (50:47)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:57]: Mel Robbins on relationship balance
• [07:03]: Cheating before marriage—should you tell?
• [10:12]: Building up a struggling partner’s confidence
• [13:57]: Phone boundaries & screen time debate
• [18:37]: “Sleep divorce” because of farts—advice & Beano!
• [21:40]: Performance anxiety/intimacy during pregnancy
• [24:02]: Intentional connection with a traveling partner
• [27:53]: Navigating moving when only one partner wants to
• [32:23]: Will marriage change things if you live together?
• [33:36]: Should finances delay having another child?
• [37:55]: Setting boundaries with smoking in-laws
• [41:07]: Recharging after a mentally taxing job
• [43:33]: Disagreeing on marriage timing
• [46:33]: Unemployment before the wedding
• [48:06]: Romance in long-term marriages
• [51:32]: Keeping conception fun
• [55:45]: Reuniting after a breakup
• [58:17]: Advice on waiting for marriage
• [60:21]: Navigating postpartum changes in marriage

Tone and Style

• Warm, open, and playful: The hosts banter and joke, especially around topics like farts or sex, keeping things light while still digging deep.
• Honest and self-aware: They remind listeners: “We are not experts,” blending humor with vulnerability about their own struggles.
• Encouraging and pragmatic: They provide actionable advice while affirming that relationship challenges are entirely normal.

Final Thoughts

Matt & Abby offer a relatable, laughter-filled dose of perspective on real-life relationship dilemmas, grounded in experience and humility—always reminding listeners to seek professional help for the tough stuff. Perfect for anyone wanting to feel seen, supported, and a little more lighthearted about the messiness of love and family.

For more, follow The Unplanned Podcast on Instagram and send in your own dilemmas for future episodes.