Never Have I Ever w/ My Parents *TEA SPILLED*

Summary

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The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Episode: Never Have I Ever w/ My Parents TEA SPILLED
Date: February 25, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode of The Unplanned Podcast, Matt and Abby invite Matt’s parents, John and Teresa, for a candid and hysterically honest round of "Never Have I Ever." Together, the family explores funny, embarrassing, and sometimes heartfelt “never have I ever” questions about marriage, family, and life—spilling both lighthearted and emotional “tea.” The episode is filled with family banter, generational differences, and loving jabs, offering listeners a window into real relationships that balance humor and vulnerability.

Note: Ads and sponsor reads are omitted for clarity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introductions & Setting the Scene

[02:06]

• Matt and Abby introduce John and Teresa, noting this is the fifth round of family “Never Have I Ever.”
  • Matt: “Give it up for John.”
  • Abby: “And they’re always such good sports.”

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Marriage & Parenting Real Talk

Parental Honesty About Raising Kids

[03:53]

• Matt asks if anyone ever regretted having kids.
  • Teresa: “I’m okay answering it.”
  • Everyone agrees that while the newborn phase can be overwhelming, true regret isn’t there—just hard moments.
• Honest discussion about the challenges of parenting, mental health, and how responsibilities shift with more children.
  • John: “Some people just can’t do it, and she was able to do that.”

Wishing for Independence

[06:07]

• “Never Have I Ever wished to be single for just one day.”
  • John and Matt own up to fleeting thoughts, noting it’s about needing space rather than actual desire for singleness.
  • “Our emotions are liars. They can be liars… your brain will be like, ‘Oh man, I just wish I’d be single for a day…’” (Matt, 07:03)

Divorce: Fleeting Doubts vs. Serious Consideration

[08:13]

• Matt asks if anyone ever thought about getting a divorce, not just serious consideration.
  • “Everyone has, for one minute... even a day.” (Teresa, 08:51)
  • Abby admits her doubts were more present during engagement than marriage.
  • John shares he almost cried at the altar, revealing his emotional side.

Milestone Memories & Parenting Relationships

[09:45]

• Matt cries signing Griffin up for pre-K—a milestone moment.
• John shares sweet stories of grandkids as a proud grandparent.
• Abby says, “We’re so lucky that they get along together so well.”

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Relationship Dynamics & Playful TMI

Sexting & Spicy Communication

[10:25]

• “Never Have I Ever sexted.”
  • The parents claim they haven’t, leading to laughs about Polaroids, emoji innuendo, and how technology shapes intimacy differently across generations.
  • Teresa: “No, thank you.”
  • Matt: Jokes about DTF texts to Abby.

Funny Contact Names

[12:05]

• The family hilariously reveals the contact names spouses use for each other in their phones:
  • Teresa has John as “Stud.”
  • Matt calls Abby “Pretty Little Lady.”
  • “Well, I’ve gotten older, so just Stud—had to take the hot off.” (John, 12:30)

Venting About Partners

[13:05]

• Everyone admits venting about each other within the family is common.
  • Abby says Matt’s parents are a “safe” place to vent about Matt: “They know, and I also know that they’re always going to be on your team.”

Family Pranks

[13:54]

• The family recounts an AI-generated prank that made Teresa think John was talking to another woman, ending in laughter and some embarrassment.

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Awkward, Embarrassing & Hilarious Family Moments

Passing Gas During Intimacy

[19:22]

• A TMI segment: “Never have I ever passed gas while doing it.”
  • Family laughter and authenticity about the most honest, awkward moments.
  • John: “We call that a brown out.” (20:10)

Walking In & Public Spaces

[55:04]

• “Never have I ever been walked in on?”
  • The group discusses how kids knocking on doors created awkward moments.
• “Never have I ever done it in a public space?”
  • Teresa and John share about early marriage adventures: “Closet. Parking garage at Union Station.” (57:29)

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Social Media & Generational Habits

Social Media Stalking

[27:55]

• Matt and Abby admit to “stalking” exes online; Teresa admits to “driving” by an ex back in the day instead.

Googling Yourself & Privacy

[33:22]

• Matt and Abby have “googled themselves,” Matt recounting finding his childhood stage pictures.
• John tried ChatGPT but says, “There’s so many John Howards, it’s hard to find myself.”

Reading Each Other’s Journals

[40:33]

• Matt and Abby openly read each other’s diaries, using it to better understand each other.
  • “Reading your personal diary helps me, like, completely understand your brain.” (Matt, 42:43)

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Toddler & Kid Parenting Fails and Funnies

Making Up Rules On The Spot

[45:38]

• Admissions to inventing “new rules” on the fly when reasoning with toddlers gets exhausting.
  • “I also don’t want to say, ‘Because I said so,’ but when you’re about to lose it…” (Teresa, 46:48)

Embarrassing Kids

[48:18]

• Discussing public embarrassment, Abby reflects: “I think some moms really want other parents to hear them parenting… and I think that embarrasses their children.”

Kids and Family Secrets

[43:12]

• The family affirms the importance of avoiding “secrets” with little kids, especially in the context of surprises and development.

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Lighthearted Confessions & Notable Quotes

Attractiveness & Honesty

[23:37]

• “Never have I ever found one of my significant other’s friends attractive?”
  • Abby: “I have the hottest of them all.” (23:50)
  • The group jokes about celebrity crushes.

Lying During the Game

[61:07]

• “Never have I ever lied while playing this game.”
  • Teresa laughs, “Maybe I have, but I’m not gonna say what.”
  • “Because then you just jeopardize the whole show.” (John, 61:36)

Family Dynamics

• Matt: "If you guys want to know what my mom was like when I was a kid, just watch Trunchbull from Matilda." (47:44)
• John, about showing affection: "I'd rather fight with your mom than sleep with another woman." (07:35, paraphrasing The Notebook)

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Notable/Memorable Moments

• “Brown out” for passing gas during sex (20:10, John)
• Stud contact name: “She doesn’t know how to change it.” (12:08, John)
• Family prank: AI-generated "other woman" pic. (14:12-15:45)
• Embarrassing ex-meeting: Teresa recalling John’s awkward compliment to his ex's hair. (32:09-32:55)
• Toddler logic loop: Matt describing Griffin’s “but why?” questions (46:20)
• Hickeys & grandma questions: “She’s like, what’d you do to your lip? Why was it on my lip?” (60:32, Abby)
• Walking in stories: Door locks, “glow in the dark” boxers, and childhood embarrassment (55:12-56:44)
• Early marriage adventure: Closet and parking garage confessions (57:22-57:36)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introductions & kickoff: [02:06]
• Ornament from an ex discussion: [02:54]
• Parenting regret & newborn phase honesty: [03:53]
• Birth order & sibling relationships: [05:19]
• Marriage doubts, fleeting thoughts of divorce: [08:13]
• Milestone parenting/crying moments: [09:45]
• Sexting & technology differences: [10:25], [11:05]
• Vent about partners: [13:05]
• Farting/family laughs: [19:22]
• Public intimacy admissions: [57:22]
• Social media stalking: [27:55], [28:07]
• Making up rules for kids: [45:38]
• Embarrassing kids in public: [48:18]
• Googling oneself: [33:22]
• Reading diaries/messages: [40:33]
• Attractiveness/celebrity crushes: [23:37]
• Lying in Never Have I Ever: [61:07]

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Tone and Language

The episode is casual, irreverent, warm-hearted, and full of loving sarcasm. The exchanges are candid, sometimes self-deprecating, and loaded with honest admissions—made funnier by the family’s willingness to “go there” on awkward or embarrassing topics.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In…

This episode is a perfect introduction to the dynamics of Matt and Abby’s family—with intergenerational differences, confessions, and plenty of laughs. The candid “Never Have I Ever” prompts elicit everything from giggly confessions about gas and hickeys to heartfelt admissions about parenting struggles and the nuances of long marriages. It’s a mix of “tea spilled” and real-life wisdom—woven with unfiltered affection and humility.

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Closing Note

The Howards conclude that family transparency (with humor) is both cathartic and connective. Listeners are encouraged to leave reviews, subscribe, and look forward to more family episodes—because, as Matt notes, “We need to make this more frequent. This is fun.”

Transcript

[Abby]

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[Matt]

Never have I ever stalked someone on social media.

[Teresa]

I've stalked someone driving.

[Matt]

Are you serious? You guys go ahead with the question. No voice.

[John]

No, we're stopping right here.

[Matt]

Hey, we're letting Teresa talk. Never have I ever found one of my significant other's friends attractive.

[Abby]

I promise you guys have never been

[Matt]

attracted into my friend, Ms. Michael B. Jordan.

[Abby]

That's not the question.

[Matt]

Never have I ever sexted.

[John]

I don't want that on the Internet.

[Abby]

I don't either.

[Matt]

Mom, you've never taken like an artistic photo of dad with his clothes off?

[Teresa]

No. No, thank you.

[Matt]

Never have I ever lied while playing this.

[Teresa]

Maybe.

[Matt]

What's up, dudes? Hey. Welcome back to Unplanned. Today we have my parents joining us for a fun game of Never have I Ever. Give it up for John.

[Abby]

And they're always such good sports.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Teresa]

Thank you.

[Matt]

Yeah. You know, Abby's parents would never do this with us.

[John]

They would never.

[Abby]

I feel like you can convince my mom, but my dad. You'd have to absolutely drag his dead body in here.

[Matt]

I even offered to buy him beer and he said no.

[Abby]

He said no.

[Teresa]

I think that means we're stupid. Stupid.

[Matt]

You guys are fan favorites. Everybody was begging for you back in the comments of our last episodes. We're super honored to have you both here. And I can't believe this is our fifth time playing Never have I Ever with you guys. We played this four times in our main YouTube channel. First, never have I ever is Never have I ever kept an ornament from my ex.

[Abby]

Oh, my God.

[Teresa]

That's insane.

[Matt]

You're just leaving this wood. I have never.

[John]

I've never ever kept an ornament from an ex.

[Teresa]

Ornaments used to be important.

[John]

She still talks about that.

[Teresa]

Stop. You got to beat that.

[Matt]

Oh, that's so funny. We'll have to take out the name of my mom's ex. That's so funny. No, cuz I. I remember there. I distinctly have memories of being a kid and like putting ornaments on the Christmas tree. I'm like, who you?

[John]

I know.

[Teresa]

We did not put that on the tree. It's just in the box.

[Matt]

Okay. Just in the box.

[Teresa]

But it was written on the box, right?

[Matt]

Dad, you're actually hilarious for like being so chill with that. Honestly, I think that's really cool.

[Teresa]

It was a dog. It was a little dog.

[Matt]

That is too funny. I love you guys. Okay, next. We have Never have I ever. My Lord, we have really front loaded these to be spicy. Never have I ever regretted having kids.

[Teresa]

Oh my goodness.

[Matt]

Should we even answer that? That's like. That's so. That's.

[Teresa]

Well, I'm okay answering it.

[Matt]

I'm okay answering it. Okay.

[Teresa]

I guess you're the one that's really.

[John]

Wow.

[Matt]

Okay, put me on the screen.

[Abby]

I guess depending on your answer.

[Teresa]

Okay.

[Matt]

Three, two, one. I've never.

[Teresa]

No.

[Matt]

Okay. I feel like I definitely in the newborn phase though. I was like, what the hell did we.

[Abby]

No, I think that makes sense. Like you have a new baby that's screaming all the time. You're like, what have we done? But it's not like regret. You're just like, whoa, you just really dove into this.

[Matt]

Yeah. But I think it's good to be honest about that, because I feel like people in the newborn stage. I just. We just talked to some. Some people in the newborn stage the other day, and I could tell that they were, like, not doing good.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And I just felt bad for him. But it's. It's just like a really dark period that you get through, you know, and

[Abby]

you look back on it with fondness. It's not like. It's like, oh, that was just.

[Matt]

I don't know if I look back on it with fun. I'm just glad that we. I'm just glad we got through. I'm glad our marriage survived.

[John]

I think it depends on the person. I think, fortunately, Teresa was able to carry a lot of weight and I was able to do my work.

[Teresa]

Is that a weight joke or was that.

[John]

Oh, my God. No, she. She took that on. She took that ownership on and was able to do it, but there's Some people just can't do it, and she was able to do that. And we did notice that once the. Caleb, the oldest one, started getting to the point where he was wanting all kinds of attention, then Matt came along and they started playing each other. And your boys are doing the same thing. It really takes off a lot of response. Well, not responsibility just allows them to play together, have a lot of fun.

[Matt]

It is funny how, like, the oldest and, like, middle child or whatever. Like, how. How they. Or. Yeah, like, first kid and second kid, how they take on certain, like, attributes and stuff. Because you've said that even in our kids, it's like, you're with me and my older brother. Right?

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That's wild.

[Teresa]

Exactly.

[Matt]

And that's why Dad's been suggesting we bring on this guy who wrote a book called Birth Order.

[John]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Kevin Lehman, or Layman Lehman.

[Abby]

Lehman, at least.

[Matt]

Because it's a whole book about how, you know, like, what attributes kids take

[Abby]

on based off when they're born.

[John]

He's a best seller. Yeah.

[Matt]

That's wild.

[Teresa]

But it's a blessing that Caleb and Griffin were so are and were so sweet and calm and good to their little brothers. Because we've seen differently.

[John]

Yeah.

[Teresa]

We're the oldest, so.

[John]

Kevin, if you're out there listening to this, we need to have you on this show.

[Matt]

Never have I ever wished to be single for one day. Just one day. Three, two, one.

[John]

I have.

[Matt]

Why did you wait? Oh, you've never. Just the dudes. Just the guys.

[Abby]

No, because I can. I feel like I can. If I'm like, I need a little space. I feel like I. In a relationship, married, I can be like. I can say that and I can have that space.

[John]

Yeah.

[Abby]

It's not like I need to be single to get that.

[Teresa]

Exactly. I agree.

[Abby]

I like the security of having you.

[Matt]

Oh, me too. Of course.

[Abby]

But apparently, like, break.

[Matt]

It's about the idea. It's not the thought. I'm not saying that we actually want. You've never thought of something stupid before when you didn't, like. Never have I ever wished to be single for.

[Abby]

Wished?

[Matt]

Yeah, wished. It's a thought. It's literally a thought.

[John]

It's a fleeting thought.

[Matt]

Remember how we talked to Dr. Arthur?

[Abby]

Hey, your wishes could come true, buddy.

[Teresa]

This is Cinderella.

[Matt]

Emotions. Our emotions are liars. They can be liars. They're not always lying to us, but they're supposed to keep us safe.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So if marriage gets really hard sometimes, your brain will be like, oh, man, I just wish I'd be single for a day and just like, what? And then, like, you know, you gotta, like, use your prefrontal cortex.

[John]

I think it's the ADHD that Matt and I both have. We think we want something, but we don't want.

[Teresa]

We kind of blame everything on that.

[John]

Yeah. But it's true. So the movie, the Poc. The Notebook, helps me to kind of reflect on my life, and it's like. That's really kind of hit.

[Matt]

It's like, Matt with Up the movie.

[John]

I need to watch up with you.

[Matt]

It kind of makes me uncomfortable when you say this, but you're like, I'd rather be with. I'd rather be with your mom than anybody else. I'd rather fight with your mom than sleep with another woman. Yeah, something like that. That's from the movie, right? Isn't that, like, the guy in the movie says that?

[John]

Yeah. Gosling. Is that his name?

[Matt]

Yeah, Ryan Gosling. I just watched a movie with him yesterday on the plane.

[Teresa]

He's cute.

[Abby]

Totally different vibe.

[Matt]

Fall guy. It's actually really good. I need to finish the movie. It's about his. He's like a stunt performer, and then it's like a little rom com. Like romance.

[Abby]

I don't know why I've seen that movie.

[Matt]

I want to watch. I need to finish it.

[Abby]

When.

[Teresa]

I can't believe you were watching a rom com.

[Matt]

Thought it was a stuntman movie. And apparently I got tricked into watching rom com.

[John]

Okay.

[Matt]

Never have I ever seriously considered divorce. Holy crap.

[John]

We already talked about this.

[Matt]

We have. I guess some of these are throwbacks. Some of these are coming back. I think we all said these questions

[John]

that came in from the field recently.

[Matt]

Some of these are. Some of these are throwbacks.

[Abby]

We did some field research.

[Matt]

Some of these. Yeah. Some of these are throwbacks. Some of these are bring backs. I think is that maybe your answer has changed.

[John]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Maybe your answer.

[Teresa]

Seasons, Right.

[Matt]

Never have I ever thought about getting a divorce. Three, two, one. I have.

[Teresa]

We've.

[Abby]

We. That is not what you read the first time.

[Matt]

No, it's. We're changed. I change it.

[Abby]

Okay. Because you said, seriously?

[Teresa]

Everyone.

[Matt]

Everyone.

[Teresa]

Yeah, that's why we change it up.

[Matt]

I change it up.

[Teresa]

I mean, like, for one minute. Yeah, Just one minute. I mean, I'm saying not. Not even a day.

[Matt]

I only thought about for one second. So the fact you said minute is

[Abby]

kind of the most serious thing I thought about. It was before we got married. No, it's not divorced then, but I thought about.

[Matt]

Oh, it was before we got married. Was it like. It was doubt when you're.

[Abby]

Like about when we were engaged, I thought about leaving you.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah. I knew that. Yeah.

[John]

I was at the altar and I

[Teresa]

was like, oh, my God.

[John]

My buddies were like, come on, John, you can run now.

[Teresa]

You wouldn't even look at me.

[John]

No.

[Abby]

You wouldn't even look at you.

[John]

No.

[Teresa]

He's afraid he'd start sobbing.

[John]

Oh, I'm such a softy. Yeah. I just can't hold my emotions.

[Matt]

That's something I did not inherit from you. I'm like, I have, like, no motion. Like, mom. It's been rare. Like, I finally me on antidepressants, though. I was like, whoa. I literally have none emotions at all. But now that I'm off of those, it's kind of nice to. I cried the other day. Really? I cried. Yeah.

[Abby]

We signed Griffin up for pre K.

[Matt]

I teared up thinking about Griffin going to pre K. I teared up watching movie up.

[John]

I had so much fun with your boys this weekend. It's so much fun.

[Matt]

Yeah. My parents have been in town this week. We were out of town for an interview with a special guest on the show on our podcast.

[Abby]

And a marriage conference.

[Matt]

And a marriage conference. So thank you guys for watching our kids while we were gone.

[John]

Very welcome. Yeah. So I had to take a shower. Theresa was doing something with her curling hour. So I put something on TV for the boys, and it came out and Griffin had his arm around his little brother. It was so cute. I sent a picture to their best buddies. Were so cute.

[Teresa]

So cute.

[Abby]

We're so lucky that they get along together so well.

[John]

It was so fun to see that.

[Matt]

Never have I ever sexted. So that's where you send like a spicy photo over the text messages. Okay. Three, two, one. I have. You guys have never done it?

[John]

No.

[Teresa]

I think you two are both.

[John]

Yes or both.

[Teresa]

I think that's what I wouldn't. No.

[John]

Yeah, I don't want that on the Internet.

[Abby]

I don't either.

[Teresa]

Someone might throw up.

[Matt]

I think that's what that is.

[John]

Maybe I was younger, but no,

[Teresa]

even when we were younger, we that people had phones, you know, but we were like, oh, no way.

[Abby]

What about a Polaroid?

[Matt]

Oh, a Polaroid. Yeah. You guys have never taken. Mom, you've never taken like a. Like an artistic photo of dad with his clothes off?

[Teresa]

No. No, thank you.

[John]

I have not.

[Abby]

Okay, but Matt, this doesn't necessarily mean photo.

[John]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Oh, wait. Yeah.

[Abby]

Oh.

[Matt]

Oh, could be something spicy. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, why are you like spamming eggplant emojis? You know? Like, you guys don't even know what that is.

[Teresa]

No.

[Matt]

What is eggplant, people? You don't like an eggplant? Looks like the male privates.

[Teresa]

Okay, that's not what necessary.

[Matt]

I can't believe I just explained that.

[John]

Oh, like a peach.

[Matt]

The peach is the. Is the butt. The eggplant is the cherries are the boobs.

[John]

Yeah.

[Abby]

Okay, so wait a minute. So I've got clarification of what this

[Teresa]

is said spicy things.

[Matt]

Yeah, I have.

[Teresa]

I've incognito.

[Matt]

We don't say it, but I said Abby. I text her DTF all the time.

[Abby]

Oh, my gosh.

[John]

Do you know what? Mom's phone comes up when I send her a text or calls.

[Matt]

What is it?

[John]

It says Stud.

[Teresa]

Oh, that's right.

[John]

She doesn't know how to change it.

[Matt]

She's had that. She's had that on her phone. Really?

[John]

So, yeah, one of our friends said, oh, my gosh, somebody named Stud is sending you a text. That's my husband.

[Matt]

No, Hot Stud. No. Dad's name on your phone has been Hot Stud for years.

[Teresa]

Just Stud.

[Abby]

I don't think mine's hot stuff.

[Matt]

No, it was hot Stud when I was like a six year old.

[John]

Well, I've gotten older, so just Stud

[Teresa]

had to take the hot off.

[John]

Yeah, just hot.

[Matt]

Abby's pretty little lady. And then my phone knows that she's my wife. So I'll be like, call wife. And I'll be like calling pretty little lady with heart shaped emoji.

[Abby]

That's cute.

[Matt]

Cute yeah, it's been that way.

[Teresa]

Yeah. What am I in yours, Teresa?

[John]

Josh has you on there. Something kind of funny.

[Matt]

What's Josh have, Tisa?

[John]

I think it's tsa. Tsa.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That's not very funny. Okay. Never have I ever vented about my partner to someone in this family. I think this might have happened to me today.

[John]

It's called therapy.

[Matt]

Okay. Three, two, one.

[John]

I have.

[Teresa]

Sure.

[John]

I have.

[Matt]

I have. I think we've all done that.

[Abby]

I think your parents are probably the safest people I could vent to about you, honestly. They know.

[Matt]

Sweet.

[Abby]

They know. And I also know that they're always going to be on your team, so it's like a safe people.

[Matt]

Abby wanted me to play this prank on you, mom, where I called, called you up. Can I explain it to her?

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Abby]

So the prank is like he would call you and start complaining about me.

[Matt]

Abby's been, like, so lazy recently.

[Teresa]

Oh, my. I would not go along with that.

[Abby]

Yeah, no, I don't think you would.

[Matt]

But like this husband did to his

[Abby]

mom and she's like, I think you need a reality check.

[Matt]

Because she was like. She like, went off on her. Oh, my God, it was so funny. Yeah, So I. Dang it. We should have done that to my mom. That would have been really funny.

[Teresa]

No, do something to your dad. Say what you did to me.

[Matt]

Oh, my gosh. We tell the story of what we did in Universal in the amusement park. So my Christmas gift to my brother and my dad's, which I need to put the tick tocks out still. But I surprised them with tickets to Universal Studios. We went to the Epic Universe, the brand new park. And while we were there, we were like, what's some way we can, like, play a joke on mom?

[Teresa]

Why is it always me?

[Matt]

Just cuz I don't know. You're fun. You're an easy target.

[Abby]

You have three boys. That's what it's going to happen.

[Matt]

And we're like, wait a minute. We could just AI a woman that's like talking to our dad, not a normal woman.

[Teresa]

Make it.

[Matt]

And make her look, like, kind of pretty. And then I. I said, like, have it. Have her wearing like a low cut top. So I. I said.

[John]

So I said, make it tighter. No, make it tighter.

[Matt]

We need to. I'll have to send Danilo, who's editing our podcast, the image because it was. It looked very realistic.

[Abby]

And I said real.

[Matt]

And my mom believed it. So we commenced. I did, I did about two seconds,

[Teresa]

but I. I did believe it. And I didn't think AI.

[Abby]

Yeah. Why would you not believe that, Matt? Is a better question.

[Matt]

When I see it looks real.

[Teresa]

Not her. But John and Josh did not look like themselves. I was like, something is off here.

[John]

So I'm looking down my brain like this. He puts the girl's picture in there. Like, I'm looking down at her blouse, but I was looking at my phone. So when he said, it's like, look, I'm straight down her box.

[Teresa]

That's funny.

[Matt]

Oh, here's the picture. This is so funny, you guys. No, it really looks totally real on this.

[Teresa]

Okay, you're gonna just put it on.

[Matt]

I'm sending it over now so I don't forget.

[John]

Oh, I got it.

[Teresa]

She did look real, like before, and she looked real.

[Abby]

It wasn't hoochie enough that you would think it was like, no, but I've

[Teresa]

seen John the side of John for 36 years. And I was like, this is my dad.

[Matt]

So this is the lady right here that I. That I texted my mom.

[Teresa]

She looks like she could be our age.

[Matt]

Yeah. You know, And I was like, do you know this woman? Like, Dad's been talking to her for a little bit.

[Teresa]

And I'm like, is it the hairdresser?

[Matt]

And he. And she said this lady's name, and we're like, oh, yeah, it's her. Like, I'm pretty sure that's what she said her name was. And we kept it going for, like, a few texts, and then we told her.

[Abby]

You didn't tell me.

[Matt]

Who told you? No, I told you. I. I told you it was a parent.

[Teresa]

Did.

[Matt]

I told you it was a. Okay, yeah, yeah.

[Teresa]

All right.

[John]

I think. Yeah. You told her.

[Matt]

That was really funny.

[Teresa]

I'm the only one working, trying to make a living at work.

[Matt]

Sorry, you four. I was creating content. Gallivanting around. I was creating content at Universal Studios. That was very hard work. Now.

[Abby]

Oh, my gosh.

[Teresa]

Yeah. And that was my Christmas gift. Right?

[Abby]

That was her Christmas gift.

[Matt]

Did we get my mom a Christmas? We did. Okay. That's. Remember, I forget what it was. I remember what it was.

[Abby]

It was kind of lazy. Thank you to little Spoon for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. If you know anything about us, you know that lunchtime is a dreaded time for everyone in our household. There's just too much going on. Getting kids down for naps, trying to get all the things ready from the middle of the day. There's just so much going on, and I want one less thing to figure out every single day, and that is lunch for Us, I don't like to figure out lunch and that's why we lean heavily on Little Spoon. Because anyone who's a parent knows feeding decisions aren't a one time thing. You make them again and again, stage after stage and appetites grow and opinions grow and Little Spoon does too, which is really really great.

[Matt]

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[Abby]

I love how kid centered their meals are. I can always guarantee that my kids are gonna eat a majority if not all of their meals, which I can't say for the meals that I make them.

[Matt]

I will say I have eaten one of the meals before and it's pretty good.

[Abby]

Oh yeah, I've definitely snuck that brownie before.

[Matt]

Yeah, the brownie is pretty. I mean just hey, if you're a parent, fun hack. Just take the brownie out and be like what? Why is there a strawberry here?

[Abby]

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[Matt]

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[Abby]

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[Matt]

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[Abby]

You can browse profiles Review past work and get help scoping the role so you can hire with confidence and get started quickly. And with Business plus, you can access the top 1% of talent on Upwork. And with AI powered shortlisting, you can get matched to the right freelancer in under six hours. No endless searching required.

[Matt]

Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's up w o r k.com upwork.com never have I passed gas while doing it.

[Abby]

Oh, my gosh.

[Teresa]

Why are they all sassy?

[Matt]

I didn't come up with Emma, our producer.

[Abby]

She loves when you call her out

[John]

before, during, or after.

[Matt]

What? Before, during, and gas. I'm gonna say during. I'm gonna say during. 3. Oh, I'm sure you have one.

[John]

During. No, not during. Not during. I've never passed guests during, afterwards.

[Teresa]

I think you have. You pass guests all the time.

[John]

You're gonna hold the paddle sideways.

[Matt]

Sure, I may have.

[Teresa]

I don't think I have, but I'm gonna say yes.

[Matt]

We both have. And it's actually now it's like a turn on. I don't know why, John. I know we call that a brown

[John]

out when that happens.

[Abby]

We're not the same.

[Matt]

What's a brown out?

[John]

It's called brown out.

[Matt]

I've never heard of that.

[Teresa]

It's not going number two. It's just gas.

[Matt]

Just a little gas.

[Teresa]

You did gas? Yes, you have. Yes, you have. You do it every hour. What do you mean?

[John]

I would never do that.

[Matt]

Okay, dad, you're a liar. I fart so much. The reason that me and Caleb fart so much is because of you.

[Teresa]

Exactly.

[Matt]

Okay, I had a buy.

[John]

I'm gonna say, yeah, I have.

[Matt]

Am I on the podcast? I bought Beano because of you. Dad, he has it.

[John]

Griffin was asking about that. He was asking about something.

[Matt]

No, no, no, no.

[Abby]

This is what happened this morning. He was like. Griffin's like, what is this? I said, it's for daddy. Because he toots so much. He's like, why? I said, this will make him not toot. He says, no, I want him to toot. He was like, genuinely so sad.

[Matt]

No, because they. When I fart, kids laugh so hard. Every time.

[Abby]

Every time.

[Matt]

Every time.

[Teresa]

I'm like.

[Matt]

I go, you're lucky, you boys. And I go, oh, tootie. And they go, they crack. They just crack up.

[Abby]

And then they both do it.

[Teresa]

Now he tooties so much. Remember, he had to get a special seat for his car.

[Matt]

Gosh, that's disgusting.

[Teresa]

Like a coal.

[Matt]

Yeah, we.

[John]

Oh, I gotta change that out.

[Matt]

No, I moved your fart pad to the side. Now, when I drive your car, I

[Abby]

don't want to sit on that.

[Teresa]

Okay, what is it supposed to do? Dissipate.

[Matt]

All right.

[John]

It's charcoal. Supposed to absorb the odor.

[Abby]

It's actually for that.

[Teresa]

Yes.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Teresa]

Car seat.

[Matt]

I don't even know how this charcoal. Maybe this is an old person thing. So you guys might have to enlighten me. Never have I ever fallen asleep during intimacy. How is that even possible? How do you fall asleep afterwards? Yeah, afterwards, of course. But dirt. Like, during.

[Teresa]

Yeah, I would say three women.

[Matt]

Two. One. I've never.

[John]

Never during, afterwards.

[Matt]

Is that a real thing?

[Teresa]

Maybe if you're, like.

[Matt]

Maybe if you're, like, in a nursing home. I heard nursing homes are like. That's all too. STDs are, like, a chance. Yeah. Oh, my God, Dad. But, like, you're wild. But yeah,

[John]

I got hope. There's hope for me.

[Teresa]

Are you weird? You are so weird. He falls asleep half of a second after.

[Matt]

Okay, now we have. Never have I ever forgotten my anniversary. Three, two, one. Never. Oh, good. We're all great in here.

[Teresa]

Yeah, but just wait till you're 20, 30.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Teresa]

It gets.

[Matt]

I can't believe you guys been married for over 30 years.

[Abby]

I love holidays. So I just.

[Matt]

I don't think something I get better about is putting people's birthdays on my phone. Because I never know when people's birthdays are.

[Abby]

You know who's the king of that? Is your dad.

[Matt]

My dad's really good at that.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Why did you get so into birthdays, dad?

[John]

Well, it's because it's easy to put on. If you have somebody's name and information, address, all that stuff, put their birthday down and it'll remind you their birthday. And you can set it up so it gives you a reminder a week before.

[Matt]

You're always the first one to say, like, hey, tell your great Aunt Cindy happy birthday.

[John]

Yeah, and Facebook, too.

[Teresa]

Great.

[John]

Tells you all the different birthdays are coming. Did you know that Frase Burke tells you all the birthdays are coming up for that month?

[Matt]

Oh, really?

[John]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

I don't even know. We don't use Facebook anymore, dad.

[John]

Facebook Marketplace. You don't buy anything.

[Matt]

No, I don't.

[John]

Yeah, that's where I get all my clothes now.

[Matt]

You did have your underwear.

[Teresa]

You did. Do you post on Facebook or not?

[Matt]

Okay, we do post on Facebook. I never go on Facebook, so just we're just reposting everything to Facebook.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[John]

Matt's gonna build out his garage and I was sending him Facebook Marketplace information.

[Matt]

Never have I ever found one of my significant other's friends attractive. So, like, it's. Your spouse's. A friend of your spouse. You've never found a friend of your spouse attractive? Three, two, one.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Teresa]

I'm alive.

[John]

Never.

[Matt]

You've never.

[Abby]

I have the hottest of them all.

[Matt]

Come on.

[John]

Wow.

[Abby]

I'm actually so. I'm actually so serious.

[Matt]

There's so much better looking.

[Abby]

I'm so serious about that.

[Matt]

I could name you fucking five guys right now. Better looking than me right now.

[John]

You ready? What'd Teresa put down?

[Matt]

Okay, say your friends. Oh, my gosh.

[Abby]

Say your friends.

[Matt]

Oh, I was gonna say celebrities.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Abby]

Name a celebrity.

[Matt]

I've got to say Michael B. Jordan. I'd like to say Michael B. Jordan.

[Abby]

Are you friends with Michael B. Jordan?

[Matt]

Chris Hemsworth.

[Abby]

Never seen you hang out with him.

[Matt]

And Troy Bolton, who plays Troy Bolton.

[Abby]

My answer may be different if that was the case.

[Matt]

Okay, okay. If I was friends with Michael B. Jordan, though, you would say no, Matt,

[Abby]

I. I promise you, I've never been

[Matt]

tempted if my friend was Michael B. Jordan.

[Abby]

But this is. That's not the question.

[Matt]

Okay, fine.

[Abby]

I would be offended if you said never with my friends.

[Matt]

Oh, my God.

[Abby]

My friends are very.

[Matt]

If I said it, I found none of your friends attractive, you'd be offended. Like, they're all so good looking.

[Abby]

Literally. I have some friends that are like, single. And I'm like, matt, say right now that they're hot.

[Matt]

And he's like, wait, you have done that. Wait, you have done that a lot. And it's actually really true.

[Abby]

And it actually bothers me because I'm like, this is something that we can

[Matt]

agree on, especially the single one. Like, you're usually. If someone's married, you usually don't care if I say they're tragic or not. But if it's someone that's single, it makes you mad that they're single.

[Abby]

Yeah, but just admit they should not be single. They are a catch. And then you're like. I'm like, right,

[John]

well, that's probably good, I guess.

[Abby]

No, I think you're lying too. Cuz I'm like, they are so.

[Matt]

No, I know.

[John]

No, Teresa's got a mile long of my friends.

[Abby]

Like, not friends. Speaking of specific friends you can don't name.

[Teresa]

No, no. None of your friends.

[Matt]

Now I just like to have my conversations with Abby about attractive people because then it makes me Feel like I'm not crazy. I'm like, we all know that, that, like that person was like a good looking person.

[Teresa]

That's right.

[Abby]

I think it's crazy if you can't admit that other people are good looking.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Abby]

But I'm being honest when I say that I've never been attracted to your friends.

[Matt]

Well, I'm. Now I'm offended. I'm mad.

[Teresa]

None of his roommates angry.

[John]

You don't.

[Matt]

You're not attracted to my groomsmen, Garrett and Brendan? How dare you.

[Abby]

I love your groomsmen, Garrett and Brendan. I appreciate Garrett and Brendan even more because they said recently that you mega scored with me. I was like, thanks, guys.

[Matt]

Garrett and Brendan said that. Okay, good. That's good. I've had. Had so many people that are like, Matt, just so you know, you really got lucky. So don't ever do anything stupid.

[Abby]

That's so nice.

[Matt]

Never have I ever pretended I didn't see someone so I wouldn't have had to talk to them. Oh, that's a good one. Three, two, one. I have. I hate that I've done that.

[Abby]

You never do that.

[Matt]

I'm usually the person that wants to go say hi to them, but every once in a while there'll be somebody that I'm just like, oh, God, they can't see me right now. Like, I don't know why.

[Abby]

I'm mostly thinking of, like, if you have just like, like spent a long time talking to someone and then you walk away and then you come and you see them again, you're like, I can't reopen this.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Abby]

And so then I just pretend not to see them the second time.

[Matt]

That is weird.

[Teresa]

Or like, I've been a store and I'm in a hurry. Like, I'm late for something else. I'm kind of a time Nazi. I mean, I just think it's respectful. So anyway, I. I know that person's going to talk forever, so I'm just like, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna go down this aisle. Because I know they're like a 20 minute talker. It would be rude just to go, hi.

[Abby]

Bye. You know, so if I saw someone in Arizona, I would almost certainly say hi just because it happened so infrequently. But if it was in Quincy, I would have maybe, maybe not said hi a couple times.

[Matt]

This one's pretty good. This is, I don't know, I feel

[Abby]

like, John, you also are one to always say something too, though.

[John]

I usually say hi. But like, Teresa said, like, one person sometimes you see somebody and it's like, oh my gosh. I only have 10 minutes to talk to them. I gotta go.

[Teresa]

And it would be rude to be five second thing. I'd be better not.

[Abby]

You guys are both so chatty too.

[Matt]

When you guys are on a walk and you see a random person, do you go, hello, how's it going? Do you want anyone though?

[John]

She teases me.

[Teresa]

He stops to talk to everybody. I'm like, we're on a walk. I say, hi, good to see you, and keep going.

[Matt]

You know, I'm literally training my brain right now just to go, hi. When I'm like running.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Sometimes I try to like say a full sentence. I'm like, what am I doing right now? I need. I'm running.

[Teresa]

I know. We're trying to get this minimum exercise

[Abby]

in our neighborhood that when I go on walks, I always see him and he's usually eating a popsicle.

[Matt]

Wait, really?

[Abby]

I love it.

[Matt]

That's so sweet.

[Abby]

I'm like, that's just self care right there.

[Matt]

I gotta start doing that. Never have I ever stalked someone on social media so hard I almost liked something of theirs. Three, two, one. I have. You guys have never done that.

[Teresa]

I think that's a young person thing.

[Matt]

You guys have never gone on someone's social.

[Teresa]

Like, I've stalked someone driving.

[Matt]

Wait, what do you mean?

[Teresa]

See, I think it's.

[Matt]

You've stalked someone driving. Wait, what is that? What do you. What are you talking about?

[Teresa]

I mean like, like go, you know, driving.

[Matt]

Are you serious? You start simple. Driving. Just go ahead with the question. I got it. No, boy, no.

[John]

We're stopping right here. We're letting Teresa talk. She's dug herself a hole. I want to see how deep she can get.

[Teresa]

A young person. I was crazy.

[John]

I don't even see her. Top of her head. She's so deep in that hole.

[Matt]

I want to know who this was. Now.

[John]

Ladder.

[Matt]

It was the rope.

[Teresa]

The Christmas ornament person.

[Matt]

Oh, my gosh. Cuz you broke. You broke up and you wanted to see what they were up to. Oh my gosh, that's so funny. Oh my gosh.

[Abby]

How many times?

[Matt]

Just once.

[Teresa]

Okay.

[Matt]

Just once. I was. Well, that is like. No, that's the thing though. Like with ex's mom, like people will do that stalk and like, really?

[Teresa]

No, One time. I'm not that crazy.

[John]

I've kind of been curious of an old girlfriend that what she's doing, but I don't want to.

[Teresa]

I've even said to you, like, I'd like with you sitting there just to know if they're married, if they have kids. I mean, you know what I mean?

[John]

I'd be fine with that. I think he's like, give his ornament back while you're doing it. Oh, shoot.

[Matt]

We need a. We need to put that ornament up in the studio.

[Teresa]

I think we should bring it.

[John]

We should do.

[Matt]

That would be really fun.

[Abby]

I can't think of anyone in particular.

[Matt]

Put the ornament on. No, I. I would put it on mine.

[Abby]

That would be fun.

[John]

Yeah, bring it on.

[Matt]

And it's the only. What if we get it, like, replicated? So we can just have it, like, covering the tree. I'm sorry. That's so bad.

[John]

We should have art our video of our engagement turn into some type of digital thing and send it to you.

[Matt]

And you can have, like, what's creepy now, you guys, is like, with AI, you could probably do so much. Like, you could probably make it show. You could make it look really good. You could also make it show. You could have it, like, add a bat. Like a backtrack. Let's do that. And. And you could be like, add B roll. So it could be, like. Could make B roll that looks like it was made from that time period and have, like, shots.

[John]

That would be great.

[Matt]

Okay, that's our professional shots here. You can do it church or whatever.

[John]

Better.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Seriously.

[Abby]

No, you guys looked great. No, you still do look amazing. But looking at old photos when you like.

[Matt]

Yeah, you guys look so much better than you do.

[Abby]

Not what I'm saying.

[John]

Back in the day.

[Abby]

Not what I'm saying.

[Matt]

Never have I ever stalked an ex online. Okay, that's interesting now that I feel like that's a lame question, though, because we don't have, like, we would be the ones to do that.

[Abby]

I've done it literally.

[Teresa]

Driven.

[Matt]

She just did it in real life. Yeah, I guess. Three, two, one.

[Abby]

We're cheating because we don't have.

[Teresa]

Have you.

[Matt]

Have you looked at it? Just looked at. I guess you could say I looked

[John]

at Facebook because you've went and looked

[Matt]

at an ex's Facebook.

[Teresa]

I never. With this Facebook.

[John]

We're so old. Nobody posts that stuff.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's like no profile. It's like the profile picture or.

[John]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Older.

[Teresa]

She's a hairdresser.

[Abby]

I have done it for people that I went on dates with. I still do with you. I still do. I'm so curious.

[Matt]

Wait. Yeah, no, we both. We've done that in front of each other. We're like, what's that? Person up to. Let's go check them out.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Especially I think it's funny because Abby's like, I never dated anybody else. And then I come to find out, I'm like, you guys spooned on the couch? And you said you never dated. Like, I didn't know that was a

[Abby]

category that, like, literally unearthed. Matt, he was like, what did it feel like?

[Matt]

Cuddling with another guy. Her. Another man have cuddled. Dad.

[Abby]

I was like, matt, I had to go.

[Teresa]

So you weren't dating, but you did that? Yeah. So what's that called?

[Abby]

Yeah, we went on dates.

[Matt]

It's called going on dates. We never called on the couch was a date. I thought that was like, you're dating that dude.

[John]

You know?

[Matt]

Like,

[Abby]

I bet if you were to ask these people if they dated me, they would say no.

[Matt]

Yeah. Slap you on the. On the butt cheeks.

[Abby]

I doubt that.

[Matt]

Oh, my gosh.

[Abby]

I really highly doubt that.

[Matt]

All right, well.

[Abby]

Oh, my gosh.

[Matt]

Going to therapy for that.

[Teresa]

We ran into Dad's girlfriend, her ex.

[John]

Oh, you and I were dating?

[Teresa]

Yeah, we'd just been. We were dating and she showed up at a party.

[John]

I didn't think she looked that great. I just was being nice. I said, oh, you look great, just to have some type of comment.

[Teresa]

You don't say that.

[John]

She was so mad at me the rest of the night.

[Teresa]

Who says that?

[Abby]

That wasn't a good call, John.

[Teresa]

See, but I was trying to be

[John]

nice because obviously I was thinking just the opposite. I didn't think she looked. She was a hairdresser. She changed her hair quite a bit. And that night I saw her. Her hair did not look good to me. And I just. I'm like.

[Teresa]

You just say, nice seeing you, not, you look great.

[John]

Okay. If I ever do it again, that's what I'll say.

[Abby]

How long did you date her?

[John]

Off and on for about two years.

[Abby]

Oh, yeah. That's not good.

[John]

No.

[Teresa]

And I knew it was the most serious person he did.

[Matt]

She looked. She actually look. No.

[Teresa]

He said no.

[Matt]

Okay.

[John]

I was just so.

[Abby]

He's lying.

[John]

I was trying to be friendly, but

[Abby]

I didn't know that that's messy.

[Teresa]

I didn't know that at the party. I'm standing there and he's like, you look great. I'm like, okay, that was weird.

[Matt]

Was that for me? Nope.

[Abby]

See, Matt does that too, though. He puts his foot in his mouth sometimes. It's like, you know that they're like. They're good.

[Matt]

We're just dumb. I got it. I get it from my dad. And I like put it on me.

[John]

I'm okay.

[Matt]

Okay. We're have never have I ever googled myself. Three, two, one.

[John]

I have.

[Abby]

It's my worst fear, but I have.

[John]

Yeah, you haven't.

[Teresa]

No.

[Matt]

Chat GPT.

[John]

I've asked ChatGPT what you tell me about me. It actually says so weird. It's not weird.

[Teresa]

It's just telling you the things you've asked questions about.

[John]

So it says, I like my Bible study, I like working out, I like my job.

[Matt]

That's not Googling yourself.

[Abby]

That's not Google.

[Matt]

That's like ChatGPT has like personal insight on you.

[Abby]

Right?

[John]

There's so many John.

[Abby]

It's like, yeah, that's hard with a name like John.

[John]

John Howard is like, you know, 3,000 famous like them.

[Teresa]

You guys.

[Matt]

I used to look it up just out of curiosity. And I would see me. It was, it was all the pictures of me being a child actor from like being in the Sound of Music. Seriously, there's pictures of me. So if you, like 10 years ago, if you would have googled Matt Howard. Muni or Matthew Howard. Muni or Matthew Howard. Matthew Howard stages St. Louis. Because that was the other professional theater. Well, it was all the theaters because like we signed releases for them to put our faces up on the theater website and then the news would cover the local professional shows. So then I would look back and be like, man, I really peaked early. I'd be like, I was so much more like successful as a 12 year old Kurt Von Trout. I made. I made $3,000.

[Teresa]

That was a lot, though.

[Matt]

Which was a lot for a kid. Was it actually 3,000?

[Teresa]

Yes. At the Muni.

[Matt]

And we just put that in my savings.

[Teresa]

Yes. For college.

[Matt]

Yeah, I guess I did make college account. But then the stage of St. Luke. Am I gonna get sued for saying this? But then we did the smaller professional theater in St. Louis that didn't have as much budget and then it was 300 bucks. But we did like 40 shows.

[Teresa]

Oh my gosh.

[Matt]

So it was like, if you're doing the math, that's good.

[Teresa]

It was like 42 shows in a month.

[Matt]

I was getting paid a penny an hour.

[Abby]

Seriously, 42 shows in a month?

[Teresa]

Yes.

[Matt]

And you were driving and you drove me to it all.

[Abby]

How much were the tickets?

[Teresa]

There were a lot.

[Abby]

Thank you to Olipop for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Matt, do the honors.

[Matt]

Do I get to drink it too?

[Abby]

Yeah, sure.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah, baby.

[Abby]

We love that sound. And actually we just recently went to a marriage conference and we had to make a statement about who we want to be as a couple and as a family. And I'm gonna be honest with you, one of the top things we said is we want to be a family that has a great drink selection.

[Matt]

Yes. And that's why we always have Olipops stocked at the top of our fridge. Stocked, always.

[Abby]

It's my favorite thing.

[Matt]

And when people compliment us about having all of our Olipops at the top

[Abby]

of our fridge, highest cost compliment.

[Matt]

I feel really good about myself, honestly.

[Abby]

This family is very pro Olip, if you cannot tell. We love it so much because Olipop is a new kind of soda that combines the classic soda taste with the benefits of a functional ingredient blend to support digestive health.

[Matt]

Olip is reimagining soda with high fiber and low sugar. I love Olipop. I drink probably one a day, sometimes more. They just taste so good and there's so little sugar. Like this grape flavor right here. Only 45 calories and only 4 grams of sugar, which when you compare that to a typical soda, this is a night and day different. Totally different. And the flavors are so good too.

[Abby]

That's what I was gonna say. When you see these, like, healthier alternatives and people like, it tastes just like soda. It's like, no, it doesn't. No. Yeah, but Olipop actually does, you guys. Especially some of these nostalgic flavors like grape and cream, they just really transport me back to my childhood. Those really high sugar beverages, but in a so much better for you alternative. And right now they have a discount for you can get a free can of Olipop by any. Any two cans of Olipop in store and will pay you back for one. Works on any flavor, any retailer. Olipop is sold [e-mail] and Amazon and available in the soda aisle and with the chilled beverages at thousands of retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Target, Costco, and Whole Foods. For more information, go to drinkollipop.com unplanned

[Matt]

thank you to Zocdoc for sponsoring today's episode. Raise your hand if you've ever put off a doctor's appointment, because that's me, guys. I put it off for a very, very long time. And I actually got my physical done through Zocdoc in my own house, through my phone. It was so convenient. Didn't have to drive anywhere. That's just because they have an amazing, easy to use app.

[Abby]

Yeah, Zocdoc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone you love.

[Matt]

We're talking about booking in network appointments with more than 150,000 providers across all 50 states.

[Abby]

Whether you're looking for dermatology, dentistry, primary care, eye care, or any of the other 200 plus specialists specialties offered by Zocdoc, you can easily search by specialty or symptoms to build the care team that's right for you.

[Matt]

Appointments made through Zocdoc happen fast, typically within 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments,

[Abby]

which I like to say a lot of times the appointments we book are same day, which is so impressive because with traditional doctor's office their wait times are like months, sometimes no shot.

[Matt]

And that's why it's nice that you can have a lot of different providers because there's one lady that I usually go to, but if she's not available and I'm doing the same day, I go to this other lady.

[Abby]

So that's got an urgent appointment.

[Matt]

I know and it gets so convenient.

[Abby]

And like they said, you can use in network doctors too, so they can also take your insurance, which is really, really cool. We use Zocdoc and you should to stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com unplanned to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That's z o c-o c.com unplanned zocdoc.com unplanned thanks to Zocdoc for sponsoring this message. Thank you Nutrafol for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. I am currently in a stage where I'm trying to grow my hair out and I feel like a lot of the women I talk to now kind of go through these same changes together. You get an urge to chop your hair and then you gotta spend the next several months growing it back out. But I think it's good to do this because then you're growing out healthier hair. Especially if you are supplementing with Nutrafol. And that's the thing. Real change doesn't come from some big flashy moments. It comes from the routines you commit to every day. It's the small things you do every day that quietly add up over time. And that's the idea behind Nutrafol. It's built around a simple, consistent approach to hair health that works from within and delivers visible results over time, not overnight.

[Matt]

Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand. And it's the number one hair Growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists. Nutriful's hair growth supplements are peer reviewed, NSF certified for sport and clinically tested to measure improvements in hair growth, quality and strength.

[Abby]

And it's not a one size fits all approach. Nutrafol offers multiple formulas for men and women tailored to different life stages like postpartum or menopause and lifestyle factors such as a plant based diet. So you get support that's actually right for you.

[Matt]

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[Abby]

For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to NutraFool.com and enter promo code unplanned pod. That's NutraFool.com spelled n u t r-a f o l.com promo code unplanned pod. Never have I ever read someone's diary or private messages in this family. Family. 3, 2, 1. I don't believe that.

[Matt]

I've read Abby's private diary and you've read my private diary? Yeah, we've read each other's.

[John]

I don't even know where diary is.

[Matt]

Like a journal where you like write journals.

[John]

I don't, but have you read mine? It's not gonna be found.

[Abby]

You've never read his messages?

[Teresa]

Do you mean like his text messages?

[Abby]

Yeah.

[John]

Oh, text messages or like a journal?

[Teresa]

Private.

[Abby]

Private messages.

[Matt]

You've never read mom's journal and you know about about it? Yeah. You've never done that?

[Teresa]

I'm pretty boring, I guess.

[John]

Well, you're pretty much open Buck. And I'm a open book.

[Matt]

I guess we're not.

[John]

I guess we just.

[Matt]

We're holding secrets.

[John]

You see my text? Cuz they show up on my iPad.

[Teresa]

But I didn't know what private messages mean. What's private messages?

[Abby]

Just any message that you're not a part of.

[Matt]

Like when you're sending messages of your private.

[John]

I'm a group called. I'm in a group called fosa. And I was meeting this guy Bill at Fospa and there's a bar there and he sends a text. He goes. I said, hey, I'm running late, Bill, I'll be there shortly. And he goes, oh, okay, I'll wait for you at the bar with the girls. Well, she's at home using our computer, which gets the messages that pops up.

[Teresa]

His text.

[John]

He's talking about the girls. He's talking about his wife and then this girl Danielle, who's also in the bar.

[Matt]

I'll be at the bar with the girls.

[John]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And you see the message. That's when I'm working. And it comes out. You're like, what the hell?

[John]

So I come home, she's. She goes, hey, I saw your text from Bill. Like, bill, Bill. She knows Bill. She knows Bill's wife. Yeah. She goes, yeah, meet you at the bar at the girls. I go, yeah, his wife. And Danielle, she's one of the ladies on our executive board. And so I was like. And she was just teasing me about

[Teresa]

it, wouldn't you think?

[John]

But then I told Bill, he thought it was so funny.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's actually really funny.

[John]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Abby]

I've read Matt's journal. He's read my journal.

[John]

Yeah.

[Matt]

We did it. We've done that.

[John]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I know everything about you.

[Abby]

You do?

[Matt]

You know everything about me.

[Teresa]

So you didn't want somebody. You should lock it or put it somewhere where you would want.

[Abby]

I don't think there's anything that I'd be like, I don't want you to read that. I warned you sometimes, like, if I was really mad at you, I was like, hey, by the way, if you

[Matt]

read this, I've spread some angry journal entries.

[Abby]

I'm like, hey, by the way, it's not nice. And you're like, I want to read it. I don't know why you like reading, actually.

[Matt]

It really helps me understand you. Like, I feel like, like reading your. Your personal diary helps me, like, completely understand your brain and then everything makes sense. I'm like, of course she was upset, you know, because, like, if you're upset,

[Abby]

you come out of a good angle.

[John]

It really.

[Matt]

It helps me under.

[John]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Because there's all this stuff going on in here that I just don't know about. Yeah.

[Abby]

But I don't care. And when I say private, I mean, like, I didn't write it for his eyes, but it's fine if he reads it.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Abby]

Never have I ever told the kids not to tell mom or dad. Dad.

[Matt]

3, 2, 1.

[John]

I have little kids.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Okay, what's the story?

[Teresa]

Dad's 40th surprise party.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Teresa]

I knew you couldn't keep it in. Caleb knew.

[Matt]

But did I still spoil it?

[Teresa]

No, you found out like a day before or something.

[Matt]

But also, why would you tell your five year old that? That's pretty. That's.

[Teresa]

I didn't tell you. I think we were going there to decorate or. I don't know that. You know, we did a lot of decorations.

[Matt]

Because, like, our kids. Yeah. We've told our kids things, and they just. They just tell everybody, you know, like.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Abby]

They don't know the concept of secret.

[Teresa]

They don't actually.

[Abby]

Good.

[Matt]

Yeah. It is good.

[Abby]

Because little kids should never have secrets.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[John]

Mine was when they never did ask questions about things. And Matt was asking all kinds of questions about sex.

[Matt]

Yep.

[John]

And all kinds of Christmas.

[Matt]

I nailed you on the Easter Bunny. I was like, dad, you're a liar.

[John]

Oh, you saw stuff in the car, right?

[Matt]

That was Caleb. We had a heated debate in the second grade lunchroom.

[Abby]

People might be listening. I guess I probably shouldn't be listening to this.

[Matt]

Yeah. This is not appropriate for children. Okay. If you're listening to this. But, like, we. We were debating Santa being real, and I was like, no. Like, guys, I'm gr. This is ridiculous. I'm grilling my dad tonight.

[John]

This is.

[Matt]

We're having this dumb conversation. It's going down, and I'm gonna interrogate him. That's funny. And. And you came clean. So I was like. Because then I was like, once I figured out Santa wasn't real. Gosh, they read. People really should not be listening to this with kids. But once I figured out that Santa was not real, then I grilled you about the Easter Bunny, about the Tooth Fairy, Satan. Is there another one? There's, like. We also believed in, like, a second Santa. Like, the. The same mix.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Which we said came to do our stockings one time. Yeah, I think you did that one. You were feeling, like, extra, like, in your era, and we're like, let's do stockings. It'll be so cute. Cute. That's probably like that. That ver. That generation's version of Elf on the Shelf with kids.

[Abby]

Oh, yeah. I opted out of Elf on the Shelf.

[John]

Yeah.

[Matt]

We're not doing Elf on the Shelf.

[Abby]

It's too much. That's too much.

[Matt]

We're not an elf.

[John]

I adopted Elf on the Shelf.

[Teresa]

No, no.

[Matt]

That's stupid.

[Abby]

You're welcome to have an elf at your house.

[Teresa]

Too much.

[John]

I got an elf.

[Matt]

And if you do that at your house, we cannot be friends.

[Abby]

No, I. I think we can just say, wow, that's so fun. They have an elf at their house.

[Matt]

No, we can't be friend. I don't think. No, I don't think it needs to

[Abby]

be a divisive, but okay. It does make your life easier, probably. I need all my friends to collectively agree that next year. No.

[Teresa]

No elf.

[Abby]

Okay. Never have I ever made up a rule for my kids on the spot.

[John]

Yeah. Oh, for sure.

[Teresa]

I have.

[John]

I have. I have.

[Teresa]

I don't remember, but new rule.

[Matt]

What did I do?

[Abby]

You can just tell that sometimes it's like he knows he needs to step in and say something. But, like, I get this way, too, where you're just like. Like, it's like, but why? But why?

[Matt]

And you just, like, get confused and so much.

[Abby]

Like, we don't do that because. And then he'll just, like, make something up. And we, like, try to get creative with this stuff. No, we try to abide by the rule of never lying.

[Matt]

No, I don't lie to them. But I'm like, why?

[Teresa]

But sometimes, like, how do I verbalize. I love this because you used to ask me why about every.

[Matt]

Seriously. With Griffin right now, it's like, dad, why do we have to stop at the stop sign? I'm like, because it says stop. But, like, but why? And I'm like, like, well, it's because, like, when the. When something says something, it really makes you think. You have to listen and, like. And actually stop. He said, but why? And it's like, well, it's because we're on a road and we have to let people go. And he'll just keep it, like, 20 in a row. I'm not kidding.

[John]

And we're just.

[Teresa]

You don't remember you did this.

[Matt]

So I think. I think I literally need to just. Well, he can't read right now.

[Abby]

I also don't want to say. Because I said so.

[Teresa]

No, but. No but when you're about to lose it.

[Matt]

I've never said. Because I've said. I've never done that.

[Teresa]

I have.

[Matt]

I know you.

[Abby]

He told. I know you. Did he? After 300 times. My favorite is Matt. Dad trying to tell Griffin that he can't. Griffin can't smack me on the butt.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Abby]

That's only for me to do. And then he's like, but why? And I'm like, she's my wife.

[Teresa]

I'm like, that is cute.

[Matt]

And when you're married and when you have a wife, you can smack her in the butt, too.

[Teresa]

That's cute.

[Matt]

Only daddies can smack. Smack mommy's butt.

[Abby]

But that's just a recent rule that we started enforcing. It was happening.

[Matt]

That was funny.

[John]

You were smacking your butt.

[Abby]

Yes. And in public. Yeah.

[Teresa]

Both of them in public.

[Abby]

That's.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Abby]

Everywhere. Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes it's really crossing a line.

[Teresa]

It's not like I said, oh, my gosh.

[Matt]

Did you say it was really crossing a line?

[Abby]

Really crossing a line.

[Teresa]

I Did not say. Because I said so. Like first off, it's after like 20 times and I was going to explode. So it was.

[Matt]

If you guys want to know what my mom was like when. When I was a kid, just watch. Look at like Trunchable from Matilda.

[John]

What show is that?

[Abby]

Matilda?

[Matt]

I wanna. I wanna watch the movie with our kids. I think you would scar them for life though, right now.

[Abby]

No, I just can't show them like

[Matt]

there's certain parts of movies when you're a kid. No, the

[Abby]

kid scared me a lot.

[John]

Yeah.

[Abby]

But I watched it all the time.

[Matt]

I was really would.

[Abby]

Okay. Never have I ever secretly enjoyed embarrassing my child in public.

[Matt]

Why would you embarrass your child in public? That's so dark.

[Teresa]

I've never.

[Abby]

I actually think about this a lot though. I think we can unintentionally do that.

[Matt]

Give me like an example.

[Abby]

I think people do this with their toddlers when they yell at their kids in public.

[John]

Oh.

[Abby]

Try to crush their behavior or publicly punish them.

[Matt]

Oh, like yelling at them.

[Abby]

I think some moms.

[Matt]

I hate when moms do that.

[Abby]

Really? I told Matt this. I think some moms of toddlers really want other parents to hear them parenting.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Abby]

So they feel like they're doing a good job.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Abby]

And so they're like, we do not do. And then they're really out in public about it. And I think that embarrasses their children. Yeah. And that's not a good.

[Matt]

That makes me like want to get in a fist fight with those people. Like, I'm just like, why are you doing that?

[Abby]

Why are you? Yeah, why are you?

[Matt]

It's like, do you even like being a parent? Like, I don't know.

[Abby]

It happens all the time. It happens.

[Matt]

But I feel like, oh wait, that dude that did that in the airport too. I wanted to make me so sad

[Abby]

cuz her face was just so. She felt.

[Matt]

Yelling at your. And that girl was so little. So cute.

[Abby]

She wasn't actually so little. She was like eight. And so then I'm like, no, but

[Matt]

like it happens all the time too. Even in Disney World. Which I'm like, why are you doing this?

[Abby]

In ruining the. The most fun day for your kids.

[Matt]

Wow. Way, way to go. Magical place on earth. I was trying to think of something funny to say that.

[Abby]

No, but I also think kids really want to behave if they have a good relationship with you.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Abby]

And so like embarrassing them is just like the. That's like putting you completely on the opposite team. Is that.

[Teresa]

And this I'll never Forget this. Certain things. I don't know why I can't forget, but you had just started at one of the medical companies. I'm not going to say which one, but we walked in in Springfield, Illinois, and this one man came to meet you, and he had his three sons, which we didn't know we were gonna have three sons, but he's like, this is the.

[John]

I don't know if this is the.

[Teresa]

He literally said, this is my smart one, Billy. This is my athletic one, Johnny. And I'm like.

[Matt]

I'm thinking, my creative one.

[Teresa]

I'm like, you are weird. What are you doing? You are labeling.

[Matt]

Don't label your kids right to us telling us that.

[Teresa]

And that bothered me from this day.

[Matt]

How often does he say that to his kids?

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[John]

Yeah.

[Teresa]

Because if he was telling these strangers, he didn't even know. We didn't even have kids yet. And I was like, this is wrong. This is. That's what they're gonna think of themselves, is what you labeled them as.

[Matt]

Dad always called me the ballet one, so I thought I had to do ballet, you know, that's why I did it in college.

[Teresa]

Twinkle Toes. He called you Twinkle.

[Matt]

Hey, Twinkle Toes. Get over here.

[Abby]

Did you actually.

[John]

No.

[Abby]

No, I think that'd be funny.

[John]

I didn't like theater.

[Matt]

I was, like, always the one token straight dude in the shows, though. I remember that, like, a conversation.

[Teresa]

There was more than one. I know.

[Matt]

Like, I remember the conversations that, with dad were like, dad literally, like, nothing wrong with this, but he was just, like, out of curiosity, wanting to know. Like, wanting to know. Be like.

[John]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So, like, do you think you like. Do you think you like guys or girls or what? And I'm like, I like girls, dad. Like, I. I don't know. I.

[Teresa]

You know, dads. Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Abby]

Never have I ever flirted my way out of a speeding ticket.

[Matt]

I tried. I mean, I wasn't flirting with the dude, but I was just like. Like, I was like. I was like, hey, officer, that's a

[John]

mighty big holster you got there.

[Abby]

Oh, my God.

[Matt]

I was just like. I was like, yeah. I. I did not realize that I was going that fast.

[Abby]

That doesn't sound like flirting to me.

[Matt]

I don't know. I just, like. I'm.

[Abby]

I'm like, teresa, never.

[Matt]

Maybe if I'm just honest right now.

[John]

You look like you work out.

[Teresa]

No, I always get them. I mean, I. I mean, it only happened twice. Twice.

[Matt]

I've only.

[Abby]

I got two.

[Matt]

I've only. Flirted your way out.

[Abby]

No, I was crying.

[Matt]

I know.

[Teresa]

I Was crying. Okay, the first one. This is how long ago you were in my belly.

[Matt]

You were pregnant with me and I

[Teresa]

had Caleb and that's exactly what happened. He said I made a left on red and it. It was yellow, it was orange. But anyway, I might, you know, anyway. And so yeah, I was crying and then just recently my tags were expired and I didn't know it and like I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I. I had no. I really didn't know. And. And you still gave me. Yeah.

[Matt]

And for that guy. You know who you are? You're a loser.

[John]

If you're watching this. You're a loser.

[Matt]

Never have I ever smoked a cigarette. I've never smoked a cigarette. I've only ever had a cigar. Have you guys ever had.

[Teresa]

I never cigarette. Never.

[Matt]

You smoked a cigarette.

[John]

Oh my. All the time I was mess with those cigarettes.

[Teresa]

Yeah, it's part of the reason she died.

[Matt]

But I didn't smoke.

[John]

I. I wanted another one. How to blow the rings and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah. And pop.

[Matt]

I almost got into vaping in college. Like I had a. I had a roommate that vaped and I thought it was kind of cool and stuff. And I'm glad I never did it because now all this information is coming out.

[Abby]

It's the opposite of cool.

[Matt]

Like I. I tried his vape a couple times. Like, oh, maybe I should get one of those college.

[John]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Cuz like they marketed it as this better for you clean, like not, you know, not toxic, you know, version of smoking. And now all these kids are getting like popcorn lung and there's all this information coming out about how it causes cancer. And so. And some people even have even said,

[Abby]

how's that different from a pin?

[Matt]

I don't know. But apparently it's.

[Abby]

I heard it's worse cuz water can get hotter.

[Matt]

Yeah, apparently it can. Like the, the. The steam or whatever can like be really harmful for your lungs. But.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

People are saying now that vaping is worse than smoking, which is. I don't know if that's true. I haven't researched enough.

[Abby]

Water can get.

[John]

Yeah.

[Teresa]

Was this a. When you rented the house?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Teresa]

Okay. These are downers.

[Matt]

I know. Okay, let's do a fun one.

[Teresa]

Funny one.

[Matt]

Never have I ever had a cosmetic procedure done. 3, 2, 1. I have. Nadia and I have both had that.

[Abby]

My teeth.

[Matt]

I'm gonna say you're. I think veneers are cosmetic. Hair transplant is cosmetics. We both have cosmetic procedures.

[Abby]

I got more work I need to get done down the line too.

[Matt]

Oh, My gosh.

[Teresa]

Oh, my gosh.

[Abby]

I prep my dad every day of his life.

[Matt]

I feel like, yeah, you keep telling your dad you need a boob job.

[Teresa]

Oh, my gosh.

[Matt]

I think if I were to have any more cosmetic work done, I'd probably. Maybe one. One day. Maybe when I'm like. If I get. When I get wrinkler, like, my. I have wrinkles underneath my eyes, so maybe one day I'll get Botox. But I don't like my. I don't like my. Whatever this is called. I don't think. I don't think it's technically a wart. I think it's technically a mole. They told me what it was.

[Abby]

Skin bag.

[Matt]

Some sort of skin thing. But I asked about getting it off when I was. Or like, a birthmark is, I think, what they said at the dermatologist. But you have to get, like, a specialist to do it. The guy that I talked to couldn't

[Teresa]

even do it like a plastic surgeon because are.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Teresa]

It's so little.

[Matt]

It is little. I've had that since I was.

[John]

Gosh.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Abby]

Before we started.

[Matt]

I think I was nine years old when it, like, became permanent.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Because I got. I got made fun of for it when I was nine. And I think ever since then, I've not wanted it.

[Teresa]

Oh, my. You can't even see it.

[Matt]

Well, yeah, I mean, I. I kind of just. I accepted it, but.

[Teresa]

Yeah. You know, I've never clearly.

[John]

No, I've never.

[Matt]

You actually have never. Have I ever been walked in on three to going to the bathroom? I've never. No. Doing the deed. Doing the deed.

[Teresa]

Never. We've never.

[Matt]

I don't.

[Teresa]

I don't think they ever.

[Matt]

Do you count it as us as kids knocking on your door and then.

[John]

No.

[Matt]

One time you're knocking me the door,

[John]

pushing the door, and it finally came open. Yeah.

[Teresa]

Yeah. It's been so long.

[Matt]

Oh, my gosh. That's terrifying. That wasn't me knocking you.

[Teresa]

Definitely not. Like.

[Matt]

Yeah, I. I think there was. I figured out when I was older, it's like, why is dad sometimes, like, there's door. Their door is, like, randomly locked. It's never locked. Like, why is it, like, only locked once a month, you know? And. And, like, I knock on the door and then he opens the door and, like, you're. You don't have any clothes on. Like, that's weird.

[Teresa]

Not naked.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Teresa]

No.

[Matt]

Where he's like.

[Teresa]

Underwear.

[Matt]

No, he's like. Head peaks over. His head peaks over. So you don't even see. See his his stuff. But I'm just like, clearly, you don't have clothes on, or you wouldn't be doing that. You know, that's funny.

[John]

Or peeked up another blanket. Mom's head was there, and I'm down. I'm looking for something.

[Matt]

That's weird. I can't. Do you want to tell people on the podcast what you did when I was a kid?

[John]

What I did?

[Matt]

Yeah. I mean, what you're explaining right now. The glow in the dark boxers.

[Abby]

Oh. Oh.

[John]

I was putting Josh to bed, and it was dark, and I had these boxers, and it was Halloween, and I bought them. Yeah, it was glow in the dark boxers, and they had like. Like ghosts on it. So I was reading to him, and then I got. Oh, I'm gonna take the boxers off and go around the room like I'm flying. Well, he thought I was flying because it was totally dark, but I was. Took my boxers off, and I was naked. My boxers are going around like this. And then I put them back on. I didn't say anything. And then later on, Josh realized, oh, that was gross, dad.

[Teresa]

Yeah, but at the time, he loved it.

[John]

Yeah. He thought I was flying.

[Abby]

That's cute.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Abby]

And we're weird.

[John]

Two years old.

[Matt]

Never. Never have I done it in a public space. 3.

[Teresa]

What does public space mean?

[John]

You know what it means.

[Abby]

Never.

[John]

I have.

[Teresa]

We have.

[Matt]

I've never. What is that?

[John]

We talked about this last night. She prefers it in a public. Stop.

[Matt]

That is not true. You want another snack? Okay, Mom, I can get. Okay, can we just blur? Okay, never, ever.

[John]

Oh, wait.

[Matt]

No, you guys didn't answer that one. So what's the answer to that one?

[Teresa]

This is when we were first married.

[Matt]

Was it, like, in a bathroom or something?

[Teresa]

Closet.

[Matt]

Oh, my gosh. At a party. That's a mall.

[Teresa]

Union Station.

[Matt]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Parking garage. Actual Union Station? Yes, parking garage. Oh, but you're in your car.

[Teresa]

Union Station. In a closet. Closet.

[Abby]

What?

[Matt]

Wait, what? Why do they just have closets? Why do they just have closets laying around at Union?

[Teresa]

I don't know, but that was a long time ago.

[Matt]

Oh, my gosh. Wait, was this before you guys?

[Teresa]

Yes. Yes.

[Matt]

Did you guys wait till marriage? I don't know. Yes.

[Abby]

Yes.

[Teresa]

We do not need to go.

[John]

We waited till marriage.

[Abby]

Yes.

[Teresa]

Oh, he's crying.

[John]

Oh, he wants to see us.

[Matt]

Oh, Auggie, what's wrong? Did you miss us? Us? Oh, you want to watch us? Okay, sit. Hey, wait. You sit right there. Okay, you want to watch us now?

[Abby]

We need to censor the rest of

[Matt]

ours at least told me about how they did it, what we're talking about.

[Abby]

Guess that's true. He doesn't know what we're talking about.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

All right. Wait, so that was, like, a thing? Did people, like. Is. Is that normal? Like, I don't know if people.

[John]

Who.

[Matt]

Who does.

[Teresa]

You have. Don't act like you haven't. You said, I have never, and that's not true.

[Matt]

I don't think we have. Plus, we've never. We tried to, but it didn't happen. Oh. Abby started freaking out.

[Teresa]

I would, too.

[Abby]

She was yelling, we don't need to bring that story back.

[Teresa]

No.

[Matt]

At that point, I was like, we're already getting yelled at. Might as well finish, you know?

[Abby]

Ew.

[Matt]

Ew what? Like, we start what we came here to do.

[John]

Okay.

[Teresa]

Okay.

[Matt]

All right. We have never. Have I ever gotten seriously hungover. Okay. One, two, three.

[John]

I have.

[Teresa]

Have one time. One time.

[Matt]

I think the time that I know Teresa's story.

[John]

That.

[Abby]

Iced teas.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Long Island.

[Teresa]

I didn't know I was.

[Matt]

The 21st birthday.

[Teresa]

Yeah. I didn't know that was gonna happen, but it was awful.

[Matt]

And, dad, what was your time?

[John]

We went to a Super bowl party, and they were serving some type of punch.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[John]

You drove with me home. I don't remember I getting home, but you drove me home.

[Teresa]

Which house?

[John]

I think it was smooth. Like, I just had a party.

[Matt]

Oh, is that so silly? Augie, we have an audience. Never have I ever snooped through a host's bathroom without them knowing. Is that, like, a thing where you're, like, in the bathroom and you're like

[Teresa]

a medicine cabinet girl?

[Matt]

Like, what is all in the bathroom?

[Teresa]

What are you taking?

[Matt]

I've done. Yeah, I've done that before.

[John]

I don't think I've ever done that. I'm gonna say I've never.

[Matt]

I don't know if that's weird or if that, like, is that bad? Like, should you not snoop through someone's bathroom?

[Abby]

Yeah, you probably should.

[John]

I don't think you should. Sitting.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[John]

What if they are taking some medicine that, you know, that they don't want you to know they're taking?

[Abby]

I wouldn't do it in a pr. Like, in a master. Like, a private bathroom. But if I was, like, in their guest bathroom.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Abby]

If you're looking for something, like a feminine product, like.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Especially there's, like. There's a genuine need to look for a feminine product. Okay.

[Teresa]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Never have I ever.

[Abby]

Snooping.

[Matt]

Never have I got a hickey. I Three Two, one. I have.

[John]

I have.

[Matt]

I definitely have. I think I gave you one one time.

[Abby]

You have personally had a hickey key.

[Matt]

Maybe I'm. I'm making myself giving it to you.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And your grandma asked about it when we were in high school.

[Teresa]

Oh, my gosh.

[Matt]

What did she ask? What was the question?

[Abby]

She's like, what'd you do to your lip? Because why was it on my lip? Like, let's be honest. That's.

[Matt]

You're just second grandma Loki is like your second mom. Abby. It's so funny.

[Teresa]

Which Grandma Vicky as well?

[Abby]

No, there's a girl that I danced with that would always get hickeys all over. And she would wear, like, a scarf to dance. And we'll like, why are you dancing in a infinity scarf right now?

[Matt]

Dad, what about you?

[John]

I think at some point somebody did a hickey.

[Abby]

Somebody did a hickey.

[Matt]

One of the women I've been with.

[Teresa]

You know, I don't remember either one of us doing that.

[John]

I don't think I give her you a hickey. No.

[Teresa]

It's kind of weird.

[Abby]

I feel like if you do it, it has to be intentional. And then. In which case, why are you doing that?

[Teresa]

Right?

[Matt]

And never have I ever lied while playing this game. Oh, my gosh.

[John]

I can't believe. One, two, three. I've never.

[Matt]

Never.

[Teresa]

Maybe.

[Abby]

I just.

[Teresa]

I'm being. Yeah. That maybe I have.

[Matt]

You might have lied during the game.

[Teresa]

Yeah, but I'm not gonna say what.

[John]

Because then you just jeopardize the whole show.

[Matt]

Mom, you. Now I'm gonna have to go watch.

[John]

I'd have to re.

[Matt]

Watch this whole video to see which one you lied during. Well, everybody, while you're busy looking through to see which one my mom lied.

[Teresa]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I just want to let you know that we really appreciate you. Here's a review, actually, from Apple podcast from Cobalt Cookies 6226. I've been listening to the podcast since it came out, and constantly, every episode brightens my day. My week simply isn't the same without it. I love your honest transparency and love that shines so well. So they said you're the best host.

[John]

Host.

[Matt]

Oh, you are the best hosts, I think is what they're saying. That's so nice. Thank you for leaving that review. If you guys didn't know that, you can leave a review on Apple or Spotify, Both those platforms allow reviews. And on YouTube, if you're watching here, please subscribe. That would mean the world to us because most people that watch actually don't subscribe which is really sad.

[John]

Hey, hit that, like button.

[Abby]

We should have your parents on again more. Sooner than. Or sooner than. It's been, like over a year.

[Matt]

It's been over a year since you guys were on the show. We need to make this more frequent. This is fun.

[Teresa]

Okay.

[John]

Yeah.

[Teresa]

Pay for our flight.

[Matt]

All right.

[Abby]

Okay.

[Matt]

I did pay for Dad's flight to be here.

[John]

Yeah.

[Abby]

Thank you.

[Teresa]

Yes.

[John]

Yes. Thank you. We had the best time visiting your children, babysitting. So much fun seeing the boys and the dog. I enjoyed it.

[Teresa]

I'll just say the boys.

[John]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You want to go give grandpa hug? And you're welcome to stay with us anytime. Thanks. We love you guys.

[Teresa]

Love you.

[Abby]

Do you want to say anything into the mic? 2 Good Co Coffee creamers are made

[Teresa]

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[Abby]

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[Teresa]

Whether you enjoy your coffee hot, cold, bold or frothy, two good coffee cream

[Abby]

creamers make every sip a good one.

[Teresa]

Two good coffee creamers.

[Abby]

Real goodness in every sip.

[Teresa]

Find them at your local Kroger in the creamer aisle. Are you dreaming of the perfect prom?

[Abby]

But there's just one thing holding you back. Speak English, Mom.

[Teresa]

Welcome to Ethnosync Ethnic Modification.

[John]

What is this place?

[Matt]

We help you reach your true potential.

[John]

How are you feeling?

[Abby]

It's good to be home, right?

[Matt]

Hey, new girl.

[John]

Hey.

[Abby]

Look at what you've done to yourself. For a new plant to grow, the

[Matt]

seed has to die.

[Teresa]

Slanted Rated R Only in theaters March 13th. Side effects may occur in a world

[John]

where business owners everywhere are burning out.

[Matt]

I just can't do it anymore.

[John]

And are losing their identities to AI.

[Teresa]

Who even am I?

[John]

Only one website builder can save humanity from generic websites.

[Matt]

It's here.

[Teresa]

Here.

[Matt]

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[John]

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[Matt]

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[John]

So you can build the website you want exactly the way you want. Try it for [e-mail] Harmony.