The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Episode: Parenting through Grief, Career vs. Motherhood, and Raising Confident Kids - with the Abbys

Date: January 9, 2026

Overview

In this heartfelt and candid episode, Abby and Addie (guest co-hosting for Abby’s sister-in-law) dive deep into the complexities of womanhood, motherhood, and family. The conversation weaves through the realities of parenting while grieving, balancing ambition and motherhood, young marriage, societal expectations, the cost of life choices, and raising resilient, confident children. The episode also features listener voicemails, facilitating thoughtful conversations on body image, finding motivation, and navigating the early days of pregnancy.

Episode Structure

• Sharing "the hope and the hard"
• Viral TikTok trends ("Wow, that's crazy" segment)
• In-depth discussion: career ambitions vs. motherhood (sparked by Kelsea Ballerini’s vulnerable song)
• Marriage timing, young vs. older, and its effects
• Listener Q&A: body image, parenting through grief, and pregnancy advice

1. Sharing “The Hope and the Hard”

(Timestamps: 03:56–09:18)

• Highs and lows check-in: Hosts acknowledge the importance of sharing both positives (“hope”) and challenges (“hard”) in their weekly lives.
• Postpartum sleep: Abby celebrates improved sleep with her kids (“I’m in a season where I’m sleeping really good and I feel guilty saying that.” [03:59]), while Addie talks about rougher nights with her 3-month-old.
• The struggles of January: Both discuss the “post-holiday blues” and the lack of motivation that January often brings. Abby reflects, “I feel like every single night recently, I’ve just been like, what did I really get done today?” [07:24]
• Small joys: Extended family visits and flexible work schedules offer points of gratitude.

2. “Wow, That’s Crazy” Segment: Viral TikTok Food Trends

(Timestamps: 09:21–13:31)

• TikTok influencer Courtney Cook: Abby describes her obsession with the teacher-creator who eats "crazy" British-inspired lunches, inspiring millions to try odd food combos. ("I would, like, watch her videos, and I’m like, this is the most disgusting, bizarre combinations of food... But I want to do it." [10:32])
• Sweet potato trend: They discuss the viral nature of simple, quirky cooking content and its surprising appeal.
• Reflection: The segment offers a lighthearted pause and an invitation for experimentation and fun.

3. In-Depth Discussion: Ambition, Motherhood, and the Myth of “Having It All”

(Timestamps: 13:37–45:15)

Spark: Kelsea Ballerini’s Song "I Sit in Parks" (14:00–17:21)

• Abby is deeply moved by the song about longing, gratitude, and the trade-offs of life’s choices:

  “I do feel like there’s this narrative to women that being a mother is such a burden… and children are chains… She’s like, the line about they look at me and want my freedom as much as I want to be a mother. And I’m like, dang. I felt that in the past…” [16:12]

Key Themes Discussed:

• Cultural pressues & regrets:
  • It’s considered “frowned upon” to change your mind or have regrets (“I think in today’s culture, it’s very frowned upon if someone changes their mind on things… if people are like, you hypocrite... but we all change our minds or evolve” [17:23]).
  • Every decision has a cost; you cannot "have it all" at once.
• Career ambitions vs. motherhood:
  • Abby reflects on shifting from career-driven to embracing early motherhood out of necessity and how it rerouted her life for the better.
  • Addie shares the opposite, never having strong career ambitions and appreciating the fulfilment in her path to family life.
• The guilt and pride of working moms:
  • “My default is kind of going towards guilt. Usually I’m like, I’m not doing a good enough job, not doing enough for them... Sadie Robertson actually once totally changed this around for me...” [22:33]
  • Reframing work as a source of pride that can empower children, not just something to be “guiltily” hidden.
• Timing parenthood and family:
  • Risks and rewards of waiting vs. starting young – with empathy for those who wait and then struggle to build the family they dreamed about.
  • The realities of fertility, egg-freezing, and how parents’ ages influence family planning.

Notable Quote:

"My life started when I had kids. And like…having kids, having a job, a healthy marriage, all these things, has forced me to become a better, well rounded woman. And I’m so grateful for that." – Abby [20:00]

• Marriage as “a witness to your life”:
  • Advantages of growing up with a long-term partner (“I literally remember when you were a kid and I saw you become a man, and you saw me go from, like, become a woman. And we’ve had, like, this insane library of memories together…” [27:37])
  • Acknowledgment that there are pros and cons to both young and later-in-life marriage.

4. Young Marriage: Advantages & Challenges

(Timestamps: 35:14–41:02)

Stat Highlights:

• Only 2% marry their high school sweethearts ([35:14]).
• Average age for women’s first marriage is now 28, men is 30. In 1960, it was 20 (women) and 22 (men).
• Average age for first-time mothers was 27 in 2023; 21 in the 1970s.

Pros:

• Easier to merge lives, fewer fixed routines/jobs, high tolerance for risk (“We just had no choice. That was a con. But there are so many pros… we learned so much from those experiences…” [39:03])
• Building trust and flexibility in partnership

Cons:

• Potential for identity crises; difficulty knowing where “you” end and the partnership begins (“I feel like I went through a little bit of an identity crisis… I have adapted and grown around you so much, and vice versa…” [36:37])
• Less financial stability and career experience at the start

Notable quote:

"It’d take a long time for newlyweds to catch up…you’ll never catch up to us.” [66:18]

5. Listener Voicemails & Advice

(Timestamps: 52:45–65:35)

1. Motivation & Self-Image (Francesca)

(53:04–58:06)

• Advice:
  • Health, not just weight, is the best motivator—focus on feeling strong/energetic.
  • Find enjoyable, sustainable physical activity (group fitness suggested).
  • “You can’t hate the way you look or hate your body into changing. You have to love it into that.” – Abby [54:26]
  • Accept changing self-image as normal, especially in youth and postpartum years.

2. Parenting Through Grief & Depression (Kamari)

(58:07–62:41)

• Advice:
  • Don’t feel obligated to shield kids from your grief; it’s healthy for them to see you express emotion, in an age-appropriate way.
  • “I think you gave me this advice, Abby… you were like, it’s good for them to see you grieving…this is how kids start to learn how to cope with their own feelings…” [58:28]
  • Set small, achievable daily goals as a parent when struggling; improvement is gradual.

3. Finding Out You’re Pregnant

(63:05–65:01)

• Practical Steps:
  • Make an OB appointment (they’ll help calculate timing, first visits are at 8 weeks).
  • Start taking a prenatal vitamin.
  • Share the news with trusted family/friends for emotional support.
  • Embrace excitement, accept that waiting is part of the process.

6. Final Thoughts: Contentment, Perspective, and Raising Confident Kids

(Timestamps: 65:07–end)

• Finding contentment:
  • “There’s a purpose for the season that you’re in as much as it doesn’t look like what you want it to be.” – Abby [51:03]
  • The baby/toddler years are short, even though they feel overwhelming. “You’re gonna have your life back in a couple years…”
• Empathy for all journeys:
  • Support for those struggling with infertility or life not going as planned.
  • “Our lives aren’t better than yours…it’s no different” [51:44].
• Modeling positivity about motherhood:
  • Recognize why public venting online can fuel negative perceptions of parenthood among non-parents. Instead, balance honesty with positivity (“That’s not the message that we want…” [49:10]).
• Selflessness & personal growth:
  • Sacrifice in marriage and parenting refines character and broadens emotional capacity (“Every single day in selflessness…that is really good, and it’s healthy, too.” [29:38])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You can’t hate the way you look or hate your body into changing. You have to love it into that.” – Abby [54:26]
• “My life started when I had kids.” – Abby [20:00]
• “Marriage is like choosing someone to be a witness to your life.” – Abby (paraphrasing podcast, [26:52])
• “If you’re dating and you just picture your whole life with this person, and you’re just like, ‘No, just not the right time’…just get married. Start your life. Get married.” – Abby [29:01]
• “If you get married young, you’re gonna…have sex a lot. You got a lot of practice time.” – Abby (humor, [65:50])
• On grief and parenting:

  “Don’t feel like you have to shield your kids from that…grieving can be really heavy…just do this thoughtfully but don’t feel like you have to hide it or bottle it up… they’re really smart no matter how young they are.” – Abby [58:28]

• “I just feel like I know a lot of women that have pushed off starting a family and…sometimes I just wonder…are they gonna be sad about that decision later? …I just feel sad for women that it is, like, a hard choice.” – Abby [25:24]

Timestamps for Key Themes & Segments

• 03:56 — Hope & Hard: Sleep, postpartum fog, January blues
• 09:21 — “Wow, that’s crazy”: TikTok food trends
• 13:37 — Kelsea Ballerini’s song sparking the "motherhood vs. career" reflection
• 20:00 — Myth of “having it all”, societal pressures on moms
• 27:36 — The meaning of marriage, young vs. older
• 35:14 — Stats and reflection on young marriage, pros & cons
• 52:45 — Listener questions (body image, grief, new pregnancy)
• 65:50 — Lighthearted wrap-up: marriage pros, humor

Tone and Takeaways

Warm, deeply personal, honest, and encouraging—with the signature “hope and the hard” balance. The episode nudges listeners to embrace their season, make choices true to themselves (even amid societal pressures), pursue motherhood and ambition in harmony, and above all to practice self-compassion and contentment whether waiting for or navigating marriage and children.

For those who haven’t listened:
This episode lays bare the raw, real, and beautiful tension of modern womanhood—from the tears of career trade-offs to the laughter of TikTok food trends and the gentle coaching through some of life’s hardest and most joyful moments.

“And remember, we’re always here.”