Sisters-In-Law Play Agree to Disagree *Pregnancy & Postpartum Edition* - The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby

Summary7 min read

The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby Episode: Sisters-In-Law Play Agree to Disagree Pregnancy & Postpartum Edition Release Date: April 1, 2026

Overview

In this energetic and heartfelt “sister-in-law takeover” episode, hosts Abby and Addy join forces to tackle a rapid-fire game of “Agree to Disagree” on all things pregnancy, postpartum, and early parenting. Drawing on their varied experiences as moms in different stages, the sisters-in-law trade perspectives, funny stories, and unfiltered takes on everything from pregnancy cravings and breastfeeding struggles to marriage dynamics and mom guilt. Their candid discussion provides a window into the realities of modern motherhood, including rare postpartum topics and the evolving identity of parents. Expect plenty of laughter, the occasional tear, and total honesty as these three women navigate what it means to grow (or grow up) a family in today’s world.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Introducing the Sister-in-Law Takeover (00:26–03:31)

The episode opens with Abby (host) introducing her co-hosts and sisters-in-law: Abby (married to Matt’s brother Caleb) and Addy (married to Abby’s brother Blake).
The trio discusses their sister podcast Always Here which focuses on motherhood, newlywed life, and girl talk. It’s described as “cozy, girly, genuine, and deep,” packed with community engagement like listener voicemails and playful recurring segments.
Addy introduces a “Wow, that’s crazy” pop culture moment on the show Age of Attraction, sparking conversation about dating, age gaps, and the quirks of reality TV.

Notable Quote:

“Just basically like the highs and lows of life and thoughts on it.” – Host, (02:38)

Motherhood Reveals Your Own Hypocrisy (05:10–06:06)

The hosts laugh about how becoming a parent makes you notice all your previous hypocrisies—often doing the opposite of what you once judged.
Self-awareness and self-parenting are major themes, with parenting seen as a process of continual growth and humility.

Notable Quote:

"Nothing has revealed my own hypocrisy more than motherhood." – Host, (05:16)

The Agree to Disagree Game Begins

Men Giving Birth & Humanity’s Survival (06:35–08:45)

Statement: “If men had to give birth, humanity would end.”
Split Reaction: Most disagree, suggesting men would probably have fewer kids due to practicality and lower physical resilience, but wouldn’t cause extinction. Conversation touches on population replacement rates and how women are “primed and conditioned” from a young age to handle discomfort.
Abby claims: “Women are tougher than men physically.” (08:13)

Pregnancy Brain: Real or Myth? (09:06–10:46)

Statement: “Pregnancy brain is just an excuse.”
All share experiences, noting postpartum brain fog is often more prominent. Mental overload, not just hormones, is cited as the root.

Notable Exchange:

“Pregnancy brain three weeks ago.” – Abby (09:58)

Food Cravings and Tears (11:18–13:23)

Statement: “I have cried over food at least once while pregnant.”
All agree, sharing hilarious and relatable stories about midnight cravings, DoorDash, ice cream disasters, and the intense emotions tied to food.

Memorable Moment:

“I started crying, and he walked out the door, left, and got me cookie dough.” – Abby recounting a husband mishap (12:22)

Babies "Sensing" Parental Intimacy (14:44–15:17)

A light-hearted take on whether babies sense when parents want alone time. Mixed opinions—Addy’s baby sleeps through anything; host feels timing is always sabotaged.

The Hardest Trimester (15:31–17:19)

Some favor the first trimester due to relentless nausea and uncertainty (“the long game”), others find the physical pain and immobility of the third trimester worse.
Postpartum injuries and pelvic pain are highlighted as ongoing challenges.

Working Out, Mental Health, and Postpartum Prep (17:38–22:42)

Statements:
- “Working out during pregnancy makes things easier” – generally agree, though “easier” is up for debate.
- “Pregnancy is harder mentally than physically” – strong consensus that mental/emotional difficulty (esp. after loss) eclipses the physical side for many.

Notable Quote:

“Pregnancy after loss is mentally like the most insane thing I’ve ever done.” – Host (18:55)

The importance of community, accurate expectations, and feeling unprepared for postpartum—consensus that nothing fully prepares you for the challenge, though supportive friends help.

Screen Time, Gender Reveals & Announcing Pregnancy (25:46–37:41)

Nuanced takes on screen time as a survival tool, especially in early trimesters, with agreement that parents must do what gets them through the day.
Split on whether to find out the baby’s gender early; after a loss, knowing the gender can be emotionally crucial.
Sharing pregnancy—including early announcements—is deeply personal and not “a mistake.” There’s support for women sharing stories about loss for community and support, but also for waiting to go public online.

Controversial Parenting Topics (38:01–47:01)

Gender Reveals: Universally enjoyed as fun excuses for a party—“an early baby shower.”
Breastfeeding: Host and Abby agree it’s much harder than people admit, with Addy feeling well-prepared by honest friends.
Extended Breastfeeding (4+ years): Respect for all choices, but the consensus is they personally wouldn’t do it past toddlerhood; “Let’s do a good hug instead.”
Mom Guilt: Never goes away, just evolves; even their mothers and grandmothers still feel it.

Marriage & Relationship Changes After Kids (60:31–67:15)

All agree having kids makes marriage more logistically complicated but also richer and deeper due to increased reliance, trust, and teamwork.
“Every kid you have, you have a new marriage.”
The importance of not letting the relationship take a backseat in the “baby years.”
Discussions on mom being the “default parent,” roommate phases, and how roles shift over time.

Notable Quote:

“I do think that whatever happens during, like, birth...severely alters your postpartum experience. Moms find a way.” – Host (24:03)

Hot Takes on Parenting, Boundaries, and Selfhood (67:15–84:55)

Checking each other’s location is normal; apologizing first in arguments doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
Parents compare their kids—it’s healthy in moderation.
The “fun parent” is (usually) dad, with stories about delegating imaginative play and loving that dynamic.
Adapting parenting styles (gentle vs. strict); gentle parenting is sometimes seen as too soft but can be highly effective.
Boundaries with family (the classic “leave and cleave”) are important to protect marriage.
Both anxiety and confidence increase in the parenting process.
Everyone loses a piece of their pre-parent selves—but shed “in a good way,” with gained patience, purpose, and a drive for personal growth.
Missing one’s pre-pregnancy body is common and valid; postpartum bodies and self-image discussed candidly.
Sex and intimacy feel different after birth; each couple navigates it in their own way, with humor about “scheduled romance”.

Notable Quotes & Moments

“Do as I say, not as I do.” – Host (05:29)
“Parenting myself.” – Abby (05:33)
“My nipples are bleeding, and I'm like...I have a boob in my armpit.” – Host (40:14)
“Sometimes I wonder—is it for the baby or the mom?” – Abby (45:56, on extended breastfeeding)
“Marriage after kids is a new marriage every time.” – Summarized from John Delano reference (61:36)
“Having kids made me lose a part of myself...but it’s not something I grieve.” – Host (80:42)
“I felt like a caterpillar that got put up in my cocoon and I shed my skin, and my wings have been flying, baby.” – Abby (81:37)
“I love my postpartum body, but I also can miss my six pack. I’m just kidding.” – Abby (84:10)
“Every parent compares their kids to other kids...there’s a healthy level and an unhealthy level.” – Host (59:09, 60:14)

Timestamps for Important Segments

Sister-in-law Introduction & Always Here Podcast – 00:26–04:39
First Agree to Disagree: Men giving birth – 06:35–08:45
Pregnancy brain & Mom amnesia – 09:06–10:46
Craving-induced tears – 11:18–13:23
Breastfeeding honesty – 38:58–43:47
Postpartum & Community support – 19:01–23:39
Marriage changes & boundaries – 60:31–67:15
Parental guilt, loss of self, and confidence gains – 47:08–83:10
Body image & intimacy postpartum – 84:04–85:40

Closing Thoughts

This episode brims with laughter, “real talk,” empathy, and the kind of specifics only experienced moms will say out loud. Nothing is taboo or too trivial, from the wild hormonal swings and food tears of early pregnancy to the deep existential shifts of motherhood. Listeners are left with the reassurance that every “unplanned” feeling, contradiction, or nervous laugh is normal—and that motherhood, marriage, and selfhood are ever-evolving journeys best traveled together.

For more candid conversations on motherhood and relationships, check out the Always Here podcast, releasing new episodes Fridays.

Summary by The Unplanned Podcast Summarizer – structured for clarity, key takeaways, and easy reference for listeners and non-listeners alike. All timestamps in MM:SS format. Casual, warm, and genuine tone preserved throughout.

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Transcript1,095 lines

[00:02]
Abby
This episode is brought to you by Fandango.
[00:04]
Sponsor/Announcer
People say fans are too distracted these
[00:06]
Abby
days, but the truth is, when a
[00:08]
Sponsor/Announcer
great movie hits the screen, you show up.
[00:10]
Abby
You stay glued, invested, part of the story. And without fans like you, there'd be no cinema magic, no shared moments. So head to fandango.com to get tickets, stream or rent or buy top movies and series.
[00:23]
Sponsor/Announcer
Fandango loves fans.
[00:27]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
If men had to give birth, humanity wouldn't.
[00:29]
Abby
1, 2, 3.
[00:30]
Addy
Disagree.
[00:31]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I agree, but they don't have the hormones to make you want to do it again.
[00:34]
Abby
I think they'd have less children.
[00:35]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Do you think they would really be willing to sacrifice their careers? It's okay to still be breastfeeding a four year old. Using cloth divers won't save the environment. Pregnancy brain is just an excuse.
[00:45]
Abby
Sorry, say the question again.
[00:47]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Pregnancy. See, you have it. Right now, pregnancy hormones have started at least one unnecessary argument. Oh, heck yeah.
[00:55]
Abby
Disagree, y'.
[00:56]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
All. What?
[00:56]
Abby
It was his fault.
[01:00]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
What's up, dudes? Welcome back to the unplanned podcast. This episode is a little different. We are having the Sister in Law takeover episode. I have my sister in laws with me. I have Abby and Addy. You guys can introduce yourselves.
[01:16]
Abby
Hi, I'm Abby.
[01:17]
Addy
And I'm Addy.
[01:18]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay. Wow, that was so simple and amazing. Abby is married to Matt's brother, Caleb. Caleb. And Addy is married to my brother that you guys have probably never seen. But his name is Blake.
[01:31]
Abby
Mysterious Blake.
[01:32]
Addy
Mysterious Blake.
[01:33]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
We are going to have a really fun episode planned. But the last time we did this. Yeah, this a couple times. But we had a very positive response. Yeah, so much so that we started our own podcast, Always Here every week. It goes live Friday mornings and we just. I truly look forward to recording Always Here and Unplanned for you guys, of course, but Always Here is very special. Having it be like an all girls podcast and like the community there feels so just. It feels so genuine and deep and really special. A lot of moms, a lot of newlyweds, and just girl talk and it's really fun. And so if you haven't tuned in to Always Here, definitely hop over after this episode because if you like this episode, you'll probably like Always Here. Always Here is just a fun, cozy, girly part of the Internet. We have lots of fun segments that are recurring every single week. We take voicemails from you guys, our listeners, which is really special and a great way to connect with you guys. We also have an element where we share a recipe. Every week we share the hope and the hard.
[02:38]
Abby
With heart and humor.
[02:39]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
With heart and humor. Just basically like the highs and lows of life and thoughts on it.
[02:45]
Addy
Wow, that's crazy.
[02:45]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
We have a wow, that's crazy element where we talk about something maybe more specific, relevant to pop culture or what's going on at the times. And it's just a very.
[02:57]
Addy
Can I give you a wow, that's crazy?
[02:59]
Abby
Totally.
[02:59]
Addy
That you might not know about. I know. You know, I mentioned it in the podcast. Do you know what the show called Age of Attraction is?
[03:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No.
[03:07]
Addy
Would you like to refer. Is it age?
[03:09]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Let me guess. Age gap dating.
[03:11]
Addy
They don't know how old they are when they're dating.
[03:14]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay.
[03:14]
Addy
Wow. And then it's kind of like love is blind, you know, like they date in the pods or whatever. This isn't in pods. They just don't know. And then they reveal their age once they've decided who they're gonna be with.
[03:24]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay, that's really interesting.
[03:26]
Addy
The age gaps are huge.
[03:27]
Abby
I watched the first episode. I kind of liked it.
[03:29]
Addy
Okay. I haven't watched it yet. I've just seen the clips on the Internet.
[03:31]
Abby
It's from 22 to 60. Is the guy. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they have people of all ages in between there, so they can't
[03:38]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
necessarily call the guy creepy if he likes a young girl because he doesn't even know that she's young. He's just falling in love with him.
[03:43]
Abby
Yeah, exactly.
[03:44]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
She's 22.
[03:44]
Addy
A lot of the younger ones don't realize how old the older ones is.
[03:48]
Abby
Well, when I was 22, I had no precipice for how old people were. Like, I had no. I was not on the pulse at all. I'm like, they could be 25 or 45. They all look the same to me.
[03:58]
Addy
One of the age gaps relationships, it's an older woman with a younger guy.
[04:01]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's what I was gonna say. Would never work.
[04:03]
Addy
And really, she has children that are two years older than him.
[04:07]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's a way to ruin your relationship.
[04:09]
Abby
Well, she was freaked out about it.
[04:10]
Addy
Yeah.
[04:10]
Abby
Yeah, she was freaked out.
[04:11]
Addy
I don't know how they resolved that if they're still together. I think the last couple episodes come out this week or something like that, and so then we'll know how everything ended.
[04:20]
Abby
Yeah, I'm excited to. I'm excited to watch it.
[04:22]
Addy
I think I'm gonna watch my.
[04:24]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I think you guys are gonna have to keep me updated on that one.
[04:26]
Addy
So that a little while.
[04:27]
Abby
That's crazy.
[04:28]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That is crazy.
[04:29]
Addy
Guys.
[04:29]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
What What a great example. A little taste of what this is, and we would surely be honored. If you hop over and if you're here from Always here. What's up? Thanks for being here.
[04:39]
Abby
Yeah.
[04:39]
Addy
What's up?
[04:40]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
This should be a really fun episode. We are playing just a big game of Agree to Disagree, Sister in Law edition. Of course. We just announced that we're expecting baby number four. So a lot of these are going to have to do with pregnancy and motherhood. And they're both moms as well. One baby, two babies. And we're all kind of in, like, somewhat different stages. And so it's interesting to see, like, how our opinions have formed and changed over the years. I know we talked about this before, but I know I have been a hypocrite in so many ways. Most of them are related to parenthood. Like, nothing has revealed my own hypocrisy more than motherhood.
[05:19]
Abby
No, literally, I'm like, oh, I'm actually a horrible person. But thanks for pointing that out to me, son.
[05:24]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You're like, oh, I did say this. I am doing the complete opposite.
[05:28]
Addy
Exactly.
[05:28]
Abby
Exactly.
[05:30]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Do as I say, not as I do.
[05:33]
Abby
I know what I'm trying to do. As I. As I say, too. Yeah. It's been. I'm, like, parenting myself.
[05:37]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I feel like so many times. Yeah. I'm like, you know what adults have? Everyone has consequences.
[05:42]
Abby
Everyone has consequences. I actually need consequences. I, like, so.
[05:45]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Giving consequences. Yeah. So good.
[05:47]
Abby
I'm actually very excited for this game. I've never played Agree to Disagree.
[05:50]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Oh, you haven't?
[05:50]
Abby
No. I feel like I'm.
[05:52]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I feel like I'm grafted in. I feel like your opinions might surprise me. I feel like the most.
[05:58]
Abby
Really?
[05:59]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. Sometimes I don't know where you're going to swing.
[06:01]
Abby
Me neither.
[06:02]
Addy
Honestly, I have no idea. Honestly, I feel like I don't give my opinion often. So this will be.
[06:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No. I feel like. I feel like Addie is very predictable in certain ways.
[06:09]
Addy
Good.
[06:10]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I hope you're steady.
[06:11]
Addy
That's okay. Good.
[06:12]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And you're steady in a different way.
[06:13]
Abby
Thank you. To try to backtrack. You're crazy, Abigail.
[06:18]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You're not crazy. But I just. And I feel like whenever you give your explanation, it makes so much more sense to me, but sometimes your knee jerk surprises me.
[06:24]
Abby
Sure.
[06:25]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I think that's why it's fun being friends with you. Okay. And I love hearing your perspective.
[06:29]
Abby
I'm interesting for you guys.
[06:30]
Addy
I'm just steady. I'm predictable.
[06:32]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
We need both.
[06:33]
Abby
We need both.
[06:34]
Addy
There's a good Mix here.
[06:36]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I don't. I honestly can't predict myself if I'm totally honest. I don't know what I'm gonna say. Okay, the first one is, if men had to give birth, humanity would end. Okay.
[06:45]
Abby
One, two, three, disagree.
[06:47]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I agree.
[06:49]
Addy
They would figure it out.
[06:50]
Abby
I think they'd have less children for sure. But it wouldn't because they're like, that's. Men are so practical, you know, I think they could be like, let's grin and bear it once. But then once they go through it, I don't think they'd be crazy enough to do it again. Whereas, like, women are crazy.
[07:02]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Right. I think we'd have, like, one kid. And if everyone that chooses to have children has one kid, it's gonna die out soon.
[07:07]
Abby
Okay.
[07:08]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Because think about it. They don't have the hormones to make you want to do it again.
[07:11]
Abby
Right.
[07:11]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
We literally have all these hormones that are, like, reproducing. Don't you think it was wonderful?
[07:17]
Addy
Don't you think they would have those hormones if they're the ones giving birth?
[07:20]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I can't think about that.
[07:22]
Addy
This is a really deep whole.
[07:24]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Then you're also just saying they're basically women.
[07:25]
Addy
Yeah, I know. That's why I'm thinking. So they're not exactly the way they are.
[07:29]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Exactly the way they are. But they give birth.
[07:31]
Addy
I still disagree. But it wouldn't end. But maybe it would die slower than it would.
[07:35]
Abby
I guess it would eventually end. Just slowly. Slowly.
[07:39]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Humanity wouldn't. And this is factually because didn't Caleb just.
[07:42]
Abby
Caleb just looked it up and he said, to replace your population, you have to average 2.1 kids.
[07:48]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Our population's already going down.
[07:49]
Abby
Right. So you have to have at least 2.1. I don't think men would have more than one.
[07:52]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Men would. When men would end at one point.
[07:55]
Abby
Yeah. So I guess they would eventually.
[07:56]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Maximum. Sorry. And do you think they would really be willing to sacrifice their careers?
[08:01]
Abby
No. I don't know. No.
[08:05]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No, probably not. Okay. It's okay. We can just say, this is why it's amazing and unique that we are women and we are strong. Yeah. I just think about this. I just think about this. I'm like, we were primed and conditioned to deal with pregnancy. Because I was, like, trying to explain to Matt. I was like, women are tougher than men physically.
[08:21]
Addy
Right.
[08:22]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I said, no, hear me out. We have been learned from the age of, like, whenever you got your first period as early as 10, 11, that you still keep Going, even when you're uncomfortable, you're primed and conditioned, ready for pregnancy. And they don't have that in place, so they get the common cold, and
[08:40]
Abby
it's like they're down bad.
[08:41]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
How can we continue on? We have to change everything.
[08:44]
Abby
Yeah, yeah. Women are more resilient.
[08:45]
Addy
I remember being on the bathroom floor when I got my period one time with cramping, and I was like, how am I ever gonna have a baby? I was in.
[08:53]
Abby
You had about 20 years.
[08:55]
Addy
And then here I am.
[08:55]
Abby
Yep.
[08:56]
Addy
Did it.
[08:58]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. All that practice, they would not be primed and conditioned to handle it. Okay, the next one. Pregnancy brain is just an excuse.
[09:06]
Abby
Please. Come on.
[09:07]
Addy
Disagree.
[09:08]
Abby
That is insanity. Oh, wait. Pregnancy brain is agree. I'm so sorry. Pregnancy brain did not get me. Postpartum brain got me like a. Got me like.
[09:17]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
We should say our answers also, because they can't. If they're not watching, they can't see. So. Okay, you guys say disagree.
[09:22]
Abby
No, no, sorry. Say the question again.
[09:25]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Pregnancy. See, you have it right now. Pregnancy brain is just an excuse. No, it's.
[09:34]
Abby
I'm gonna disagree with that.
[09:35]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I don't know. I. I'm just saying agree in the sense that I haven't had pregnancy brain, have I? See, I'm so dumb. I believe other people's experiences, but for me, I'm like. I can't speak to that.
[09:47]
Abby
I'm just coming out of. I think. But people say pregnancy brain. They talk about in postpartum, too.
[09:52]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay.
[09:52]
Abby
So I'm 100% agreeing that pregnancy brain is a thing.
[09:57]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You have pregnancy brain when you're no longer pregnant.
[09:59]
Abby
I. Pregnancy brain three weeks ago.
[10:01]
Addy
I think postpartum brain for sure. I'm trying to think about pregnancy brain. I feel like pregnancy brain. My brain was so overwhelmed with so much, like, thinking about what's going to happen and my body changing and all the things that there was just too much in my brain, and that's why it was frazzled to, like, switch from, like, only thinking about work stuff and not thinking about me being pregnant or just doing things and then thinking about how I'm pregnant. I feel like that's. My brain was just occupied by a lot of thoughts while I was pregnant.
[10:30]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I didn't have it when I was pregnant as much. I feel like it's just. It is the postpartum, so that's why I just post part. I think it is. I don't know about just.
[10:39]
Abby
I think it needs a rebranding to postpartum brain.
[10:41]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, that's a fog A mental fog. Because honestly, all I could think about when I was nursing was nursing. That was really overwhelming for me.
[10:46]
Abby
Yes.
[10:47]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Every time. Because then I was, like, always on a time clock.
[10:50]
Addy
Yeah.
[10:50]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I don't know. I believe other people's experiences, but it hasn't been for me. I've never been the sharpest tool in the shed, though. So, you guys. I have not. I have not a memory, you guys.
[11:02]
Addy
You tell me. I know your memory is bad, but
[11:04]
Abby
I know you're good.
[11:05]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You tell me about things that I've experienced. I'm like, respectfully, when was this?
[11:09]
Addy
I feel like you remember a lot of things from when you were younger.
[11:11]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I feel like that's Blake. I feel like my memories are formed by Blake retelling me.
[11:15]
Addy
That actually is probably true.
[11:19]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay, next. I have cried over food at least once while pregnant.
[11:22]
Abby
Cried over fruit. Yeah.
[11:24]
Addy
Agreed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure.
[11:26]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Nothing will bring out the emotions.
[11:28]
Abby
Nothing will bring me to my knees.
[11:31]
Addy
Just kidding. I never doordashed in my other life until I was pregnant. And I doordashed when I was pregnant. That was. Blake was out somewhere. I got chipotle at 10pm I was in bed going to sleep, and I owed doordash chipotle to the house. And then I woke up and I ate it and I went back to bed.
[11:47]
Abby
Oh, Eddie, you had a bad in that first trimester.
[11:48]
Addy
Oh, yeah.
[11:49]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I. I just cried when I. When, like, I was expecting to eat something and then I found it was gone. That would make me cry. And I felt like it was a personal attack. That.
[11:58]
Abby
That did make me cry as well.
[12:00]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I was like, you knew I wanted that.
[12:02]
Addy
Did that happen a couple weeks ago? I cried two weeks ago.
[12:05]
Abby
I cried when Caleb. I texted him, I said, oh, get some ice cream on the way home. And he said, what do you want? I said, don't get anything stupid. And then he came in the door with the st. Stupidest ice cream ever.
[12:16]
Addy
What was it?
[12:16]
Abby
Chocolate. I don't like chocolate ice cream. And he knows that. And it was like chocolate peanut butter extreme.
[12:21]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Did you just send them back out there?
[12:23]
Abby
I looked at him, I started crying, and he walked out the door, left, and got me cookie dough. I was like, that was just dumb.
[12:29]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
See, I like chocolate.
[12:30]
Abby
He's like, you didn't tell me what you wanted. I said, I shouldn't have to know. We've known each other for 12 years.
[12:33]
Addy
Why?
[12:34]
Abby
And you know I don't like chocolate ice cream. That was like. That felt personal. I cried.
[12:37]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That felt personal. Okay.
[12:38]
Addy
I can't think of A specific one,
[12:40]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
but definitely like actually so many times for me. And it's like, as it's happening, I'm like, this is an overreaction. But I can't quite. I can't quite reverse what's been done.
[12:49]
Addy
I think I would cry when I was like, I need something to eat and I don't have anything, like in the car.
[12:54]
Abby
And I'm like, the fear.
[12:55]
Addy
Yeah, the fear of like getting the sickness because you haven't eaten. That was scary. That was throwing me.
[13:00]
Abby
That'd be scary.
[13:01]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Or like, I would cry because I, like, wanted to eat something healthy because I felt like the baby needed it and I hadn't. It was like the baby has had non nutrients that would make me cry as well.
[13:11]
Abby
That's sweet, Abby. I don't think I worried that much about that. I was like, well, you. I felt like you had a better
[13:15]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
diet than I had in the first trimester.
[13:18]
Abby
Oh, yeah, I just ate everything.
[13:20]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No, I just ate literally bread. I had ramen noodles and crackers the whole time.
[13:24]
Addy
Literally 10am Ramen noodles every day.
[13:27]
Abby
You just gotta do what you gotta do.
[13:28]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Support for today's episode comes from Square, the business platform that helps sellers become neighborhood favorites.
[13:34]
Sponsor/Announcer
Whether you're gearing up for a busy season or just trying to keep up with everyday demand, Square keeps your business running smoothly from payments and POS to online orders, inventory, staff, and more all in one place. So you can focus on your customers, not your to do list. We were looking at Christmas lights and we did not have any cash on us to buy hot chocolate from this kid. And then this kid was like, oh, no, it's all good. I actually have Square and you can just pay with your credit card. We were just so shocked because Square's Square's taking over, you guys. Everyone who is having some sort of storefront can use Square because people don't have cash these days. I never have cash on me.
[14:08]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And as a consumer, I just love supporting local businesses and even neighborhood businesses. And that's what Square makes possible, which is awesome. Square helps you run your business more smoothly, bringing payments, operations and insights together in one place so you're ready for whatever's next. Right now, listeners can get up to $200 off Square hardware. When you sign up@square.com, go unplanned. That's SQL S Q U A R E dot com go unplanned. Get started with Square and build a setup that works the way you do. This one's crazy. Babies know when you're about to get freaky.
[14:45]
Addy
Are we. Are we talking about.
[14:46]
Abby
Disagree.
[14:47]
Addy
Baby.
[14:47]
Abby
My babies take naps, so I don't know.
[14:50]
Addy
We're thinking about babies once they've been born.
[14:53]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[14:54]
Abby
Once they've been born.
[14:57]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Agree.
[14:58]
Abby
You think your babies cry every time it's time to get it on or
[15:01]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
they wake up randomly early. Also my baby, we work together, so we can do odd hours.
[15:08]
Abby
Yeah.
[15:08]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah.
[15:09]
Addy
So yeah. No, my baby sleeps through the night, so she never wakes up, so it's never a problem.
[15:17]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, well, that's.
[15:19]
Abby
Sorry, ladies that don't have that problem.
[15:20]
Addy
Disagree.
[15:21]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
There the. I. I actually do. There's got to be something to this with the timing. I really feel that way. The first trimester is the hardest part of pregnancy.
[15:32]
Abby
Disagree.
[15:33]
Addy
Agree.
[15:33]
Abby
You disagree? What's your hardest part?
[15:35]
Addy
Abby?
[15:35]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I think no matter what, the last few weeks are just.
[15:38]
Abby
Yeah.
[15:38]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Crazy. Like just trying to get out of bed, getting out of chairs. That's worse than. Than the nausea because the nausea is a long term game where that's. It's difficult in the sense that it's like, it's. It's bad and it lasts a long time. But the acute pain of the last few weeks is like. That's worse in my opinion. I don't know, like, just like trying to. And I feel like I've had both fairly good. Like my first timer was trimester wasn't that bad. My third trimester haven't been that bad either. But if I had to rank them, just. Just remember flipping in bed.
[16:09]
Addy
Yeah, Flipping in bed is the worst.
[16:11]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Coming out of my bed, off the couch.
[16:13]
Addy
I'd be curious to see how my second pregnancy will go because I'm thinking back to my first trimester and how bad it was because of the morning sickness and not knowing it was gonna get better. Like everyone says it's gonna get better, but when you're in it, it was just like so, so bad. And so then I was like, it's never gonna get better. So I'm curious.
[16:29]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You should get a prescription next time.
[16:31]
Addy
Maybe I should do that.
[16:32]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Zofran.
[16:33]
Addy
I will look into that one. Cause that would be fantastic. But my third trimester. Yeah, I don't remember it being that bad. I think I was so excited and it didn't matter, but yeah, your belly
[16:42]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
also did not get that big.
[16:43]
Addy
Yeah, I didn't get that. That big.
[16:45]
Abby
You were so peppy in your third trimester.
[16:47]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I was so jealous.
[16:48]
Abby
I was like, oh my gosh, Addie looks so good.
[16:50]
Addy
Oh, you're so sweet.
[16:51]
Abby
Crushing it. And I just felt I was in so much pain. Yeah, I feel like my second pregnancy felt worse though.
[16:57]
Addy
In the third, I think mine's gonna be really bad. Just with my pelvic floor and like my tailbone still hurts. Seven months postpartum, so I can't imagine it's gonna hurt when I get pregnant.
[17:07]
Abby
Yeah, I would say my third trust. Third trimester is way worse than my first. But I don't really get nauseous in the first. I just get really tired, which is more frustrating than anything. The pain.
[17:15]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. In the third is just in the first round. I started sleeping over 10 hours a night.
[17:19]
Addy
Yeah, I slept from 8:30pm till 7am last night.
[17:24]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Whoa.
[17:24]
Abby
Are you pregnant?
[17:25]
Addy
Nope. I think I'm ovulating right now though. I am ovulating, but no, no, no.
[17:33]
Abby
Okay, good to know.
[17:38]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
This one says working out during pregnancy makes things easier.
[17:42]
Addy
Three, two, one. Agree.
[17:44]
Abby
I mean, yeah, neutral on that one. It's easier than it makes it. I agree. Because it's not easy to work out while you're pregnant. No, it actually hurts. It hurts. Also hurts. But it hurts worse to not work out.
[17:58]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's why we're saying it's easier.
[18:00]
Abby
Right. But I don't think it's easier. It's a good word. Oh, I just think it's less evil.
[18:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I felt like my energy levels were much better and my motivation and my. I physically felt much better working out. Me.
[18:12]
Addy
Yeah.
[18:13]
Abby
Yes.
[18:14]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Next one. Pregnancy is harder mentally than physically. Oh, I'm saying agree.
[18:21]
Abby
I'm saying disagree.
[18:26]
Addy
Pregnancy is harder mentally than physically. I think agree. For my first one.
[18:31]
Abby
Why?
[18:32]
Addy
I think I really struggled with anxiety when I was pregnant, which is not something I normally had struggled with. And then just like thinking about everything because I'd never done it before. I think for my second one I'll feel. I'm like imagining that I'll feel harder on my body physically than mentally. But just with the first pregnancy I was like, I have no idea what's happening right now. And so I feel like mentally it was harder.
[18:53]
Abby
You agree it's mentally harder.
[18:55]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Oh, that was a no brainer for me. Pregnancy after loss is mentally like the most insane thing I've ever done. Sure.
[19:01]
Addy
Yeah, absolutely.
[19:02]
Abby
A lot of layers there.
[19:04]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. It's like you actually know the worst case scenario. You can picture it. You actually just lived it. So no one can tell you that's not gonna happen. You're like, oh, but it can. And it did. So there's just no. This sounds so negative, but there's no Relief. So sorry. Just trying to keep things realistic here.
[19:23]
Abby
That's good.
[19:24]
Addy
I have a follow up question to that. Is that this pregnancy goes healthy, you have a healthy baby, does that make any consecutive pregnancy easier or no?
[19:34]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No. I don't know. Yeah, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Yeah, I can't imagine it gets much easier. I imagine it'd be a little easier.
[19:42]
Abby
Okay.
[19:43]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
But I can't imagine it's back. It will never be back to before.
[19:45]
Addy
Yeah, absolutely.
[19:46]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
So yeah, it's just, you know, you've seen too much.
[19:50]
Abby
Sure.
[19:51]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And when you've been blindsided, I think the nature of being blindsided too. Like you think everything's fine, you've had nothing physically change, nothing wrong like that. Blindsided kind of just creates never like there's never really any peace of like, oh, everything's good. Whereas like I kind of just felt anxious but with overall peaceful. My other pregnancies like this one is just like a low lying anxiety constantly. So. And I think even at the doctors I feel even less peace because like it's associated with a building like this. So yeah, I can see why people would choose to never do it again. No one prepares you for how hard postpartum is.
[20:32]
Abby
No one prepares you.
[20:33]
Addy
Disagree.
[20:35]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
For how hard postpartum is. I say agree, I think disagree.
[20:39]
Abby
No, maybe I'm bad at this game. No one prepares you. I only say disagree because I think, I think your first time, sure. But I feel like we've had so many friends that have had babies now that it's like, hey, let's prepare each other for how hard this is going to be. Like let's do the meal trains, let's.
[20:57]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Oh, I was also the first to have babies, so I think it is
[21:00]
Abby
a different experience if you're like the first to have a baby versus like you're in community going through it with people. I do think your first baby versus consecutive babies is harder. Like it's harder your first baby because you don't know how your body's going to respond and so you don't know if you're going to get postpartum anxiety or depression. Whereas once you've gone through stuff, you can kind of prepare for the next time going through it. I guess so. I guess maybe the first time I would agree it's hard to prepare but after that I think, well, that's really
[21:27]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
the only time because then you've lived through it and it's not, you know, then no, it's no one else's job to Prepare you.
[21:32]
Addy
Okay.
[21:33]
Abby
Then I would say agree.
[21:34]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, it's. It's just something that you can't. You can't know until you're going through it. And no one actually, like, I was the first to have kids of, like, all of my friends I knew at the time. And I feel like I. All I knew was like, I don't even know if it was like, I guess maybe social media. And I was kind of just like, I will have the baby and it'll be great and amazing. And you don't think about all the layers of, like. I also think the lifestyle we had before, like, I had. No. I had the expectation that none of that was going to change.
[22:01]
Abby
Sure.
[22:02]
Addy
And.
[22:02]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Which was a very false expectation.
[22:03]
Abby
Right.
[22:04]
Addy
Yeah. I disagree. I feel like maybe it's because of the community I had around me when I got pregnant the first time, which was mostly moms. And so I feel like everyone prepared me and I felt like I had people to go to whenever anything was going on. I really felt supported and like, I knew it was gonna happen. Like, someone bought me a postpartum care kit. I was like, I don't know what these heating pads are for and what these things are for, but. And then I was like, ah, I need them, you know? And I just. I felt like I had a community around me that I could talk to about it and be like, is this normal? Is this weird? What's going on? And that's why I say disagree, because I think I did have the support system around me.
[22:40]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I did find that community way post.
[22:43]
Addy
Yeah.
[22:44]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Like, for. Yeah, I think it'd be a different ball game now. For sure. Yeah. But I was really knocked on my butt there. I really needed my mom.
[22:53]
Abby
Yeah.
[22:54]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I was like, what's going on?
[22:56]
Addy
I have another friend group that is all. There's only two of us that are moms, and the rest are either pregnant or, like, want to be pregnant soon. And so it's really fun being on the other side of it and trying to support them during this time of becoming mom soon.
[23:10]
Abby
Yeah. Sharing the knowledge.
[23:12]
Addy
Yes.
[23:12]
Abby
Yes. I remember, like, when I wasn't even near talking about having babies, and my friends that had babies, they would talk about their birth, and I'm like, what happened?
[23:19]
Addy
Yeah, tell me everything.
[23:22]
Abby
You know, it's like, you're just so every. Everything is so new, and your friends start going to that season of life, and it was so fun hearing all that from them. So it's fun. You get to do that for them.
[23:30]
Addy
It's really fun.
[23:31]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I should Also say that shortly after having my first, I did need, like, a kind of major abdominal surgery. And we didn't have family out here yet. We were out here by ourselves.
[23:40]
Abby
You guys have freaking gone through it, dude. You're like, okay. Crazy birth with Griffin, abdominal surgery, hernias, and then surprise pregnancy with Augie pretty closely. Soon after that, loss, loss. And now here we are for the pelvic rest.
[23:56]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I'm like, no one prepared me.
[23:58]
Addy
Yeah, that's fair. Absolutely fair.
[24:01]
Abby
Abby's been walking so I can front.
[24:03]
Addy
Yeah. Really? About our whole life.
[24:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No, our whole relationship. I do think that whatever happens during, like, birth and like, that severely alters your postpartum experience. Because when you. When mom's down for the count. I needed a surgery after having her first, and so. And that one, really, the recovery was harder than birth for me. And so I was like, wait, I just cannot handle this right now with a newborn.
[24:34]
Abby
That's a lot.
[24:35]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It was a lot at the time. You know, moms find a way. They do. Thank you to upwork for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.
[24:42]
Sponsor/Announcer
The fastest growing businesses aren't doing more. They're delegating smarter. Upwork helps you bring in expert freelancer help fast so you can delegate and keep moving.
[24:52]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Upwork is a one stop platform to find, hire, and pay expert freelancers across every specialty. You can browse profiles, review past work, and get help scoping the role so you can hire with confidence and get started quick.
[25:04]
Sponsor/Announcer
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[25:46]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Screen time is necessary for surviving the third trimester.
[25:51]
Addy
I don't get an answer.
[25:53]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I don't get an answer.
[25:55]
Abby
I'm gonna say disagree. Agree.
[25:58]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
In general, I. I use screen time, so I can't say that disagree. Like, I can't I've never done it without. So I would be so hypocritical to say disagree.
[26:06]
Abby
Yeah, I'm gonna say disagree. I mean, we. We let him watch TV and movies on the weekends, and so, like, we just kind of stuck to the. Our, like, house rules with that. I didn't feel like, even though my body was super sore in the third trimester, I wasn't. I didn't have the energy decrease in the first trimester. My energy was so low. There was definitely a lot more screen time in the house. So I would say in the first trimester, yes. But in the third trimester, I would disagree.
[26:28]
Addy
I would feel that too. I'm sure that's how it would be for me.
[26:30]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I'd be like, okay, now you're mincing words, though, because you. The other portion. Other third of pregnancy. Yes, it's mandatory.
[26:37]
Abby
It only said the third. I'm just sticking to the question.
[26:42]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I'm just saying I didn't use screen time when I was pregnant in the third trimester because my son was literally an infant when I was in the third trimester. So I guess I can say disagree. But I will say, like, my kids get screen time. They don't get it every day. And then we don't have, like, a routine for it. But, like, I'm not gonna sit here and be like, never use it. Don't do it. So I don't know. Some days you just gotta do what you gotta do. And that could happen not just in the third trimester. That can happen literally anytime. And you also don't have to be pregnant. You can just be sick or Wednesday.
[27:11]
Abby
We had a lot of movies.
[27:12]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. If you're sick, like, it's just like sometimes. And I'm just gonna say, in motherhood, sometimes I'm gonna say screen time is necessary, for sure.
[27:19]
Abby
I would agree.
[27:20]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's in everyone's best interest. You should find out the gender as soon as possible. Agree or disagree? I'm gonna say disagree. Even though I do things differently now post loss. I don't think. I think it's such a personal decision. You should find out or you shouldn't find out.
[27:38]
Addy
I was gonna say disagree too, as in how the question is phrased. You should. I don't think you have to do it either way. Yeah, I would like to find out the gender as soon as possible. In my pregnancies.
[27:48]
Abby
Yeah, I would say disagree. We've. We've waited both times with our babies. But again, like, I think the wording should is a little aggressive. You Just got to do what you want to do. It feels best.
[27:59]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's so not serious. But until me being such a drag until it is serious is what I felt like. Like, it's like, oh, it's so fun to find out. And then like that was something that I did differently in a pregnancy after loss is like I was. I wanted to know everything about this baby for as long as I got to enjoy this life. And so like we. For a little context, we found out that our daughter was a girl the same day that we found out that she wasn't alive anymore. And I was like, I never want that news to be paired that way ever again. So that's why I changed my mind where now I feel like some people view it as like and in like an irresistible like impatience or like. And it's like that's actually not necessarily what it is.
[28:39]
Addy
It's.
[28:39]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's actually like something that is. It's just. It's more meaningful in this context for us personally. But it's such a personal decision. It's so not serious. And the gender of your kid is not serious. But it's just as much as you can know about them when you can't see them or talk to them, you know. And so it does carry like a different type of weight now for us personally.
[28:59]
Abby
But I think that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, it's like you. You want to have. You want to mentally prepare.
[29:05]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's not from a lack of self control is what I'm saying. Like, if I feel like find that. Well, like we have had people like, oh my gosh, you just can't wait, can you? I'm like, I guess I could if I really needed to. Like, if I really needed to, I could wait.
[29:19]
Addy
Yeah, I feel the same way. Especially because I. We did a blood test to find out the gender of Brielle and I just wanted something else to feel a little more connected. And that was what we wanted to do. I don't think it was a. That we couldn't wait. I mean, I really wanted to find out. So maybe I couldn't. But it was more so that I wanted to feel connected. I wanted to give her a name. I wanted to start talking to her. Not that you can't do that without knowing the gender because you obviously did the same. But I just wanted to feel a little more.
[29:45]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It helps with other littles in the house too. I think like with having a name and like the talking about it, like it feels more like they realistic, like they knew Brielle before she came. Like, they. Like, they were talking about her before she was even born. So I think there's, like, a certain sweetness to them.
[30:02]
Addy
This is Brielle, like, when she was born. It's so cool seeing the transition.
[30:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And even now our friends, kids talk about our baby because they know the name, and they, like, ask about the baby. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. How do they even remember and put two and two together. It's always the little girls. They, like, good memory. They know they're. They're so already, like, intuitive pregnancy and, like, babies and stuff.
[30:25]
Addy
That made me laugh when we were on a flagstaff, and I. Augie said, where's Priel? And I said, she's taking a nap. She goes, in your belly? I said, no, no, no.
[30:35]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
She just went back in and rested.
[30:37]
Addy
I said, but your mommy has a baby in her belly. And he was like, yeah. And then he said the name, and
[30:43]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
then that's how we found out the gender.
[30:45]
Addy
Oh, my gosh.
[30:46]
Abby
That's hilarious.
[30:48]
Addy
That was so great.
[30:49]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I didn't know that they were dating. Time bomb.
[30:51]
Abby
They were itching to tell.
[30:53]
Addy
And I was like, what are you saying? And he kept saying it. I was like, what, are you saying
[31:01]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
this or are you saying that's the thing? What? The way he pronounces the name is very misleading.
[31:05]
Abby
Oh, my gosh. That's hilarious. I didn't know that story.
[31:08]
Addy
Yeah, it's great.
[31:08]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
But talk about your experience waiting till birth.
[31:11]
Abby
I thought it was really. I mean, I loved it. I thought it was fun. It was fun having C.J. kind of guess. I mean, he pegged it. He said girl the whole time, saying baby sister. I feel like for him, with the age he was at the third trimester, he didn't really get the pregnancy until the third trimester anyway, like, because my belly, you know, once it gets really big. And he had a lot of fun with that at the end, but it just suits our personality, so. But my personality cannot necessarily kill his personality. Like, he's like, he would enjoy finding out sooner, but I think my. The way that I process things, too. It's so fun finding out at the moment that the baby is. Our babies have been born. To find out, I feel like it helps give me just such motivation. And I don't know, it's just like this. The climax to this story. Like, it's such a fun, cool surprise. And this. This labor that is, like, so crazy and hard. Then meeting your baby and, like, having killed, say, the gender, it just was so cool.
[32:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It was cool.
[32:07]
Abby
Yeah, it was fun. So. Yeah, I'm sure. I mean, we've done it with our last two, but yeah, like, it's just fun.
[32:15]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Well, and now I feel like since you have one of each, it's like you might as well just not find out.
[32:18]
Abby
I know, I know. I was talking to Kill about that. I'm like, now that we have one of each, I would say that I feel satisfied but not complete. So now every baby is just like, like the gender is just like a bonus. I'm like, oh, like another girl or another boy. Like, that's just so fun. But now I feel like satisfied. I'm like, okay, we have a girl and a boy. That's cool.
[32:38]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's cool.
[32:40]
Abby
Like I said, I don't have that anxious feeling of like, oh, what if I hope the next one, you know, it's just like there's no preference.
[32:44]
Addy
Moving.
[32:45]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Right. That's sweet.
[32:47]
Abby
Yeah.
[32:48]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
We all have kind of different. Because I used to wait until the anatomy scan like midway. I always said that was like a good checkpoint, like a little motivation.
[32:56]
Abby
Yeah.
[32:57]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And then you found out like the early test.
[32:58]
Addy
Yeah, I think 10 weeks.
[33:00]
Abby
Did you do the sneak peek for this baby?
[33:02]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No, I. Well, we had to do it also for.
[33:05]
Abby
At the doctors, they just knew.
[33:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Well, they did the NIPT test which is like for genetic testing.
[33:09]
Abby
Got it.
[33:10]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And your genetics reveals. Well, they can or they can't.
[33:14]
Abby
But I thought the sneak peek was sooner than that.
[33:16]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, because it's not. They're not giving you a full genetic screening. We got like the medical. Yeah, yeah. Screening at like whatever. 10 a weeks. Okay.
[33:24]
Addy
Fun.
[33:24]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. When I was at the MFM, like they were like, we're doing this test. You can either find out the gender or not.
[33:30]
Addy
What's crazy was when we did, we did sneak peek and we went to the center to give.
[33:36]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Is that a 10 week blood?
[33:38]
Addy
Yeah, it was 10 weeks. And I was talking to them. I'm like, what do people typically come in here for? She goes, most of the time we see people that are doing paternity tests.
[33:48]
Abby
Oh my.
[33:50]
Addy
I was like, well, this is a more happy one. I just want to find out the gender of my baby.
[33:54]
Abby
We'll switch up.
[33:55]
Addy
Yeah. I was like, she's like, I never see these people again. So then I. But then I know the test results.
[34:00]
Abby
They're like, she's got the tea.
[34:01]
Addy
She's like, I know if they are the dad or not. I'm like, that's kind of cool.
[34:04]
Abby
The modern day mom.
[34:05]
Addy
Yeah. Because they.
[34:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
She knows the T. Yeah, she does. That's the thing about ours too is, like, since it was connected with the genetic screening, the most of the weight of this, like, the news fell on, like, the results of the genetic testing. So when all those, like, looked like their. Their job is to assess risk, they're not to say, like, you, your baby has this or does not have this. And so when they all said, like, low risk, I was like, okay, I feel like, really good. Like, I felt like a lot better from that point on. You know, only a certain degree of peace can be had from that. But, like, it was really secondary, I guess, to just like, the baby was in good status. Totally. But so then I was like, just tell me that. And then we're. You don't have to tell me the gender right now. Okay. Wow. This one. Announcing pregnancy early is a mistake.
[34:54]
Abby
Oh, disagree, strongly disagree.
[34:57]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Disagree, strongly disagree.
[34:58]
Abby
I think it's. There's a difference between announcing online versus announcing to your friends and family. I. I would like, tell my family the day of, you know, I think telling the people close to you that you're okay talking about if there's a loss, tell those people right away, you know. But I would say maybe I don't think it's a mistake to tell the Internet. I don't think there's a mistake to do anything. But I would personally wait a little longer to tell the Internet in the world. But like, your friends and your family, I tell right away.
[35:28]
Addy
Yeah, say whatever you're comfortable, whatever you're comfortable with. It doesn't matter what the status quo is or that most people wait till 12 weeks or that you should wait till this or that. I think whatever you are most comfortable with, and I think that changes, and that's okay.
[35:41]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, that was a tender spot for me. Also post loss is people are like, we just waited till 12, 12 weeks to be safe. And I was like, yeah, same, right? And so, like, I guess now I'm like, obviously I announced publicly way later, but all of our friends and stuff knew. And I think it was more so because, like, I just knew the scale of like, the Internet. And like, having. I was like, I just gotta protect my mental health right now and make sure I have everything sorted. And, you know, there's only so much you can do once it's all out there in the world. And I have to be prepared then too, to like, talk about it, which I would have talked about it anyway because now I'm very like, much of a, like an advocate in the sense of, like, honoring, like, unborn life. And so, like, I would have talked about it, but I was like, I can't. I just need more space between, like, when we were talking about Emerson to, like, talking about if something were to go wrong this time, which there was a very real time in this pregnancy where we thought things were going to go wrong. And so. And to be honest, I can't say that I've shaken that so, like, there's just never a point in that time. But I do think women talking about. I don't think it's. I don't think it should be expected at all because it's very difficult to do. But I think more women speaking up about, like, their loss, it makes everyone feel like I'm inspired and feel comforted by other people's stories. Now I have to decipher when I can hear it and when I can't hear it. Sometimes I'm like, I can't handle it right now. I'm not in that space, but that's my job. And I feel really like. I feel like when people talk about their experience, or not even their experience, but just, like, their. Their baby, like, I'm like. I feel like that is honoring and like, I gained something from that too, for sure. So I don't ever think I kind of throw that out the window now that there's ever, like, a point where it's like, okay, now it's acceptable to talk about it because everything is fine and dandy.
[37:32]
Addy
Totally.
[37:33]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And so, yeah, that's a strongly disagree for sure. I'm so sorry. You guys have to bear with my voices. It sounds worse than I think it does.
[37:41]
Abby
I feel like Abby needs your tonsils out.
[37:43]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I do need my tonsils out, but who's got the time? Honestly gonna schedule that one?
[37:47]
Abby
Who is gonna schedule that, like, next year, like, not three months postpartum. No more surgeries.
[37:52]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Postpartum. No, I don't want to do that.
[37:54]
Abby
No.
[37:54]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
My birth is a surgery.
[37:56]
Abby
Right, Exactly.
[37:56]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's plenty. Gender reveals should be canceled.
[38:01]
Abby
What?
[38:02]
Addy
Disagree.
[38:03]
Abby
Why?
[38:03]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
They're fun.
[38:04]
Abby
They're so fun. We need a party.
[38:06]
Addy
We love parties here.
[38:08]
Abby
Ye.
[38:08]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Those people just need to reframe it, as it's really just a celebration of pregnancy. Yeah, it's an early baby shower.
[38:16]
Abby
It's a pregnancy party. With the men? Yeah.
[38:18]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
With the men.
[38:19]
Abby
Yeah. It's a pregnancy party.
[38:20]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Get everyone together so, like, you don't actually have to care, like, strongly one way or the other.
[38:25]
Addy
Right.
[38:26]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And it can just be fun. Okay.
[38:28]
Addy
Hey, most of us Knew the gender, and we still had a party.
[38:32]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's just fun. Okay.
[38:33]
Abby
The gender reveal was revealed to the Internet, not to anyone at the party. Yeah, I guess some people didn't know.
[38:40]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Our friends didn't know.
[38:42]
Abby
Yeah, the family.
[38:43]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Family all knew.
[38:43]
Addy
The kids kind of.
[38:44]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's just fun. Okay, guys, it doesn't have to be that serious. And also, who doesn't want to party?
[38:49]
Abby
Exactly.
[38:50]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Who doesn't want to party?
[38:51]
Abby
Who doesn't want free food?
[38:51]
Addy
Yes.
[38:52]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Seriously.
[38:53]
Addy
I want chicken, minis, and pastries, please.
[38:55]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I want more right now.
[38:57]
Addy
Can we do another one?
[38:58]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Breastfeeding is way harder than people admit. This is probably similar to your postpartum experience. So.
[39:04]
Addy
Agree.
[39:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Addie's saying disagree, but me and Abby both say, agree.
[39:08]
Abby
Agree. It's been pretty easy for you.
[39:10]
Addy
Everyone just says how hard it is. I feel like no one says how easy it is in or not.
[39:15]
Abby
What part do you think is easy?
[39:16]
Addy
No, I don't think it's easy. I just think everyone said how hard it was, so I was prepared for it to be hard.
[39:20]
Abby
Well, good. I'm glad we prepared you correctly.
[39:22]
Addy
Yes, exactly. That's why I'm saying I disagree, because everyone prepared me correctly. You guys did.
[39:27]
Abby
You did. Sorry. I'm sorry.
[39:30]
Addy
I will say after. Like, I don't know how far we were into it. Maybe three to four weeks into.
[39:36]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You had a tough day at our house on a Sunday.
[39:38]
Addy
I did. I did. And that's when I ordered nipple shields, and it saved my. It saved my whole journey, honestly.
[39:43]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Let's do both.
[39:44]
Addy
This one in the bedroom, I was like, blake, I'm done.
[39:50]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I think that's what it is. Like, if your baby's having struggles and you feel like you're the one that's, like, the reason why your baby's not
[39:57]
Abby
getting fed, it's like, that's mentally such a burden. Like, that's, like, not a burden. It's just, like, such a heavy weight to carry.
[40:02]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yes.
[40:03]
Abby
Yes.
[40:04]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's a heavy. Yeah, it's a heavy load. And you're like, I am the sole person that is nourishing and sustaining this precious, precious life.
[40:11]
Abby
Right.
[40:11]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And it's on a timetable, and sometimes it's confusing, and sometimes they're gonna have difficulties, and sometimes I'm gonna have difficulties, and it also feels so foreign, and you want to do it in the middle of the night. And my nipples are bleeding, and I'm like, they hurt. They're exploding. I have a boob in my armpit.
[40:25]
Abby
Like, totally. You mean I have to tell me I'm of sitting down for, like, four hours a day just sitting here with something attached to my boob. Like, that's hard.
[40:33]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You don't know how much perfectly.
[40:35]
Abby
I know.
[40:35]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I don't know how much I eating.
[40:37]
Abby
But guess what, guys? It's beautiful.
[40:39]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Honestly, I'm doing it again.
[40:40]
Abby
It's amazing. I'll never not do it, like, with my babies. It's the greatest gift. It's. There's, like, a purpose for it, but that doesn't negate that. It's still really hard.
[40:48]
Addy
Yeah.
[40:48]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah.
[40:49]
Addy
There's a lot of factors to, like.
[40:51]
Abby
I'm glad, Addie, that you were prepared for it.
[40:53]
Addy
Yeah. You guys greatly prepared me for it.
[40:55]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I think it's great. Like, why is it, like, such a. It has two sides, like, a lot of things. But, like, it's so natural. But then also, it feels so. It can feel so unnatural. And so then when people like, it's natural. Your body's supposed to do it. Everything's happening how it's supposed to happen. You're like, but what if it's not? Like, am I just broken? Like, is my nature broken? And I feel like that was where I was like, oh, especially some lactation consultants were, like, really natural. Very natural. Very, like, let the baby find the breast. Let the breakfast.
[41:28]
Addy
Brielle would literally never find it if I did that.
[41:31]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And dessert. And I was like, I'm sorry. Can someone intervene? Can someone intervene? And so I feel like that's when I felt the most, like, shame of my own body. Like, I was like, it's not working, and it's supposed to work just naturally. And so that's when I felt, like, the most frustration, when I was like. But then when I. You know, you find your own rhythm eventually.
[41:54]
Abby
Yes. And every baby's different, too. So it's not like, something that you feel like you get used to it or like, you can learn. It's like, oh, I did it once. I could do it again.
[42:00]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's like, every time it was harder.
[42:02]
Abby
Throws you for a loop again, which. Vivian has been a way better eater than cj so I'm grateful in that sense, but I'm just like. I think just the schedule of it all is really hard for me, especially if you're not already a scheduled person. I'm like, wow, this is. This is, like, a little heavy duty for. This is good. I, Mommy, need to buckle down, but it's making mama buckle down.
[42:22]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. My second boycotted one breast, and that was really five months in. That was. I was like, you're like, wait, we've
[42:29]
Abby
been doing this for five months. What's going on here?
[42:31]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
He literally would look at one of them and just be like, that's how. I didn't know what that was.
[42:36]
Addy
She only takes one side. And so then they're like, do a football hold. I'm like, hold her on this.
[42:40]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No, the football holds. Terrible.
[42:41]
Addy
It worked on the one boob. She would not. I don't think she liked to lay on that side. But then she finished.
[42:45]
Abby
Figured it out. Oh.
[42:46]
Addy
So, yeah.
[42:47]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I couldn't ever. My kid was too long.
[42:48]
Addy
I felt like it was weird. It was very odd.
[42:51]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It was very odd.
[42:52]
Abby
Strong enough.
[42:53]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's like when people are like, I just breastfeed in the car. And I'm like, I'm sorry.
[42:57]
Abby
Maybe my fourth kid. I don't know how they're reaching in there. The Duna's.
[43:01]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I tried. I was leaning over.
[43:03]
Abby
I did too. I was like, it's not long enough.
[43:05]
Addy
No. I don't understand.
[43:07]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
There was a good 10 inches between my nipple and their mouth in the car seat.
[43:10]
Abby
But I think the Duna is like. Like, deeper set.
[43:14]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I don't know.
[43:14]
Addy
I would never, ever try that. I just have no desire to try that.
[43:18]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
We were on a car ride and I was like, please. And then it just didn't work.
[43:21]
Abby
I was like, my whole weight is on this car seat.
[43:23]
Addy
We had bottles all over prepared for that situation. We are big bottle girl. Bottle family and breastfeed at the same time. She liked both, so it was okay.
[43:30]
Abby
Good.
[43:30]
Addy
Thank. Thank God.
[43:32]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
See, I was advised to never use a bottle at this stage. So then I was, like, trying to do it. Then we just had to pull over every time on the way to Tahoe. I was like, if you would just take it in the car seat. But I can't even reach. Thank you to Wayfair for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.
[43:49]
Sponsor/Announcer
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[44:04]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
For our home, we have decided that we kind of wanted it to feel warm and homey, maybe even cott and earthy, but also with a very modern flair.
[44:12]
Sponsor/Announcer
And you've done a really good job of making it feel homey. We've also picked out some really nice staple pieces from Wayfair, like our coffee table in the living room.
[44:19]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It even serves doubly as A diving board for our children because they love to jump off of it onto the couch. And so that also shows you how durable their furniture really is.
[44:28]
Sponsor/Announcer
Exactly.
[44:28]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Wayfair makes it simple to narrow down exactly what works for your style and budget. We installed ours ourselves. But they also offer installation and assembly services for. Truly a seamless experience.
[44:38]
Sponsor/Announcer
You and your friends did it right.
[44:39]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah.
[44:40]
Sponsor/Announcer
You did a great job, by the way.
[44:41]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And I had great customer support with them because we did have a little minor thing that we needed to reach out to them for, and they handled it right away for us, which I so appreciate as a consumer.
[44:49]
Sponsor/Announcer
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[45:03]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay. On the breastfeeding trend. It's okay to still be breastfeeding a four year old.
[45:09]
Abby
Oh, people are gonna be upset about this, but I'm gonna say disagree. You know what? Is it okay?
[45:15]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's what I'm saying. I would never do it.
[45:17]
Abby
It's a girl. Agree. It's okay. Do I think it's odd, personally? A little that's older than me. I just imagine cj, like, he's.
[45:25]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Sorry, Griffin can have a full conversation with me. He's actually talking about reproduction at this point. Like, I don't know that he needs to put his mouth on my breast.
[45:33]
Abby
Is it okay? If you think it's okay, it's natural.
[45:35]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And I say it's okay. But I do think that I. There is for sure never a world in which I would do it right. I stopped at 12 months. I felt like that was a good stopping point for both my kids.
[45:46]
Addy
Sure.
[45:46]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Actually with augie, it was 11 months.
[45:48]
Abby
So people are gonna be so upset by that answer. But that's okay. Sometimes I wonder. I'm like, who wants it up for the baby or the moment?
[45:56]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah.
[45:56]
Abby
Like, it's just a connection thing at that point.
[45:58]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Like, let's do a hug. Let's do. Let's do a good hug. A good long hug.
[46:02]
Abby
Yes.
[46:03]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Let's do a cuddle. Let me sing a song.
[46:06]
Abby
Because a four year old's gonna remember that. I don't know. It's interesting.
[46:09]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's time to.
[46:10]
Abby
Is it okay? It's okay.
[46:11]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Maybe it's a failure to launch.
[46:13]
Abby
Yeah. Yes. Is it okay, though? It's okay.
[46:16]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's okay.
[46:18]
Abby
It's okay.
[46:18]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's different.
[46:19]
Abby
I feel so sad. Same. It's okay.
[46:21]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's okay. But, hey, you know what? There's people out there that are, like. They're way common.
[46:26]
Abby
They're gonna be comments. I. I remember comments on an episode. People were like, I've nursed my kid till they were seven.
[46:31]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay.
[46:31]
Abby
So they're gonna be people that disagree with us, and that's fine.
[46:34]
Addy
They disagree with me, and I disagree with them.
[46:36]
Abby
That's right.
[46:36]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
So it can go both ways.
[46:37]
Addy
And guess what we're doing. Agreeing.
[46:39]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
We're agreeing. So, I mean, for me, personally, disagree.
[46:44]
Addy
Yes.
[46:47]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I would like those to be mine at that point. Long before we get there.
[46:50]
Addy
Yep.
[46:51]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Also, are you still producing milk? Is my question.
[46:53]
Abby
I'm already. I'm losing it.
[46:55]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I don't know how y' all are
[46:56]
Abby
keeping it for four years.
[46:57]
Addy
No, I'm pumping morning and night. Maybe it's just getting, like, 3 ounces each. We're about to be.
[47:01]
Abby
I have so many questions.
[47:03]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Let's move on.
[47:04]
Abby
That'd be a good documentary. Okay, next.
[47:07]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Mom guilt never goes away.
[47:09]
Addy
Oh, mom guilt never goes away.
[47:11]
Abby
Mom guilt.
[47:12]
Addy
I'm gonna guess. Sure.
[47:14]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I mean, I'm only three and a half years into it, but about six months. It's getting worse in some ways.
[47:21]
Addy
Yeah.
[47:21]
Abby
I almost feel like when your k kids, it's easier to leave, like, my baby than it is to leave my toddler, because now he's aware.
[47:28]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. The things that they say.
[47:29]
Abby
Yeah. It makes you a little more sad to, like, leave them. And also, they're so fun. It's like, I don't want to miss out on the things, too. Not that, like a baby, you're missing out on things, but, like, with a toddler, there's just so many milestones and funny things that happen that I'm like, oh, I feel guilty missing those. So I would agree. I don't think it ever goes away.
[47:46]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And then I think about my mom, and I'm like, even her, I feel. She feels guilty. Yeah. I don't think it ends, ladies.
[47:52]
Abby
That's okay. That just means we love our bab babies.
[47:54]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Just means we care. I do think that I've told you before, Sadie Robertson speaks really well about mom guilt. And I feel like that has helped in some ways with, like, me feeling like. Like, I feel like there's a certain calling to my career. But then also, I'm like, I'm certainly called to be a mom. Like, and, like, how you can have both and not necessarily, like, you can have confidence in both roles at the same time. I think it would be unrealistic especially for me, like, given my personality type, to be like, I have zero guilt.
[48:21]
Abby
Right.
[48:21]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
But that's the goal. Right.
[48:23]
Abby
I think all feelings are valid, but they can't all be trusted.
[48:26]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Right.
[48:26]
Abby
So it's like sometimes that guilt probably is telling me like, hey, you've been way too much or what, you know, whatever it is, like, there's probably some truth to that guilt. But then other times I'm like, I probably need to reflect. Like, is this just me being sensitive to this or like, is it. Is it actually okay?
[48:39]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[48:40]
Abby
So I think there's. It's good. Like I feel like guilt is that reminder to like check in. Yeah.
[48:46]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Moms deserve a push present every time.
[48:50]
Abby
Yeah, I agree. Of course. Did I get one this time?
[48:53]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No.
[48:54]
Abby
Do I think I deserve one?
[48:56]
Addy
Of course.
[48:56]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Call out Caleb in the comments.
[48:57]
Abby
Actually, I did get a push present. It was Netflix, but was that what I was. I did ask for that actually. Do I think it should maybe be a little bit more luxurious?
[49:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Guys, this was my push present for Griffin. I wear them today.
[49:10]
Abby
Beautiful. Did you do push present?
[49:11]
Addy
No. That's why I say disagree because it just wasn't necessary. I mean, not saying you shouldn't need. Well, you just weren't at a place where we were like, I want you to buy me something. It wasn't like I don't need anything. We went. We didn't go on a babymoon. We did go on a cruise like five months postpartum and I want to do that again. We really enjoyed having that time together. Maybe that was my post present. We've been on a vacation like five months postpartum and I really enjoyed that. But I don't personally. I didn't need one.
[49:38]
Abby
Yeah, I mean need.
[49:39]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No.
[49:40]
Abby
What was the question?
[49:41]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Mom's deserve.
[49:42]
Abby
Deserve, deserve.
[49:43]
Addy
Sure. If you want one. Sure, sure.
[49:46]
Abby
Deserve. Yes, need, no. But also like sometimes, like financially it doesn't always make sense, but I. I agree. Deserving you're getting here.
[49:56]
Addy
You're having a C section. Yeah. What was your.
[50:01]
Abby
What was your agree, Matt? What are you getting? What are we feeling?
[50:03]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's really good about it?
[50:04]
Abby
Necklace, earrings.
[50:06]
Addy
So you got feelings for Griffin.
[50:08]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I got earrings for Griffin. Auggie, I really wanted new workout set and a new gym membership. And like he got me like a whole workout thing. He's like, I impress. He got me new tennis shoes. He's like, I am prefacing this that this is what you want to ask for. But that's like I was so excited to like enjoy moving my Body.
[50:25]
Abby
Yes.
[50:26]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And so he got me a set from Aloe, and it's actually the only Aloe set I have and probably will actually ever have. But it was very fun to have.
[50:32]
Abby
Yeah. Yeah.
[50:33]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I still have it, and I still wear it.
[50:35]
Abby
Do you think Aloe's quality is good?
[50:37]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It is good.
[50:38]
Abby
Okay. I feel like I hear somebody mixed reviews online.
[50:41]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
If you're. It's a yoga brand, for sure.
[50:43]
Abby
Okay. So not for, like, high intensity.
[50:45]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's why I will be a one and done. I think it's more of a streetwear brand.
[50:49]
Abby
Okay.
[50:50]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And then I was like, actually do feel like this is actually just for the branding, because I do like other athletic wear brands. I think it's very high quality.
[50:57]
Abby
Yeah. Okay.
[50:58]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Interesting. Toddlers can sense weakness and will absolutely exploit it. What does that mean?
[51:07]
Abby
I, like, I don't have toddlers, but
[51:09]
Addy
I'm gonna say agree.
[51:09]
Abby
I kind of agree.
[51:11]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Wait, what do you mean? I. Wait, can you tell me how you're interpreting this? Because I don't have an answer.
[51:14]
Abby
Like, if they. If you give them an inch, they're gonna take a mile. You know what I mean?
[51:18]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[51:19]
Addy
I agree.
[51:20]
Abby
Yeah, I agree.
[51:21]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
My son is an expert negotiator.
[51:23]
Abby
Yes. I'm like, no, they can sense there's. If they could sense a little bit of a give, they're gonna take that. They're gonna push for that, you know?
[51:30]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And honestly, I feel like I kind of like that he's a negotiator. I think that's a really good quality to have. At the library today, he was playing a game on a computer, and I was like, okay, you have two more minutes of that, and now you need to go play with a toy and read a book. He goes, four minutes. And I said, three. And he goes, okay. And I was like, all right.
[51:50]
Addy
I love when he does it. I was like, I'll give you five dollars.
[51:53]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Compromise.
[51:54]
Addy
He goes, two. I was like, like, no.
[51:58]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You're like, we negotiated down. No, I think it's kind of good that we can find, like, some. Now, obviously, when it's something important, what I say goes, and I will stand my ground. But, like, for those types of things, I'm like, three. And it's, like, kind of fun, but it's fun. But, yeah, he for sure knew that I was. I had. I guess weakness didn't call it, but I had some wiggle room.
[52:21]
Abby
Yeah.
[52:21]
Addy
That's why the other day, when one of your kids, they spilled the Chick Fil a on the ground, and I Was like, you want to help me clean it up? And he's like, no.
[52:28]
Abby
And I'm like, oh, well, actually not. Do you want to?
[52:33]
Addy
I was like, I was like, caleb,
[52:35]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
yesterday, Abby was sitting there like, do
[52:37]
Addy
I, Do I make him do it? Do I, Do I just clean it up? I don't know what to do. I asked him to say it to help me. And he said no. And I'm like, I don't know what to do. And then Lori came in and help me. I was like, I didn't know what to do.
[52:47]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's what Caleb. He said, can you do this? And then he goes, no, actually, you're gonna do it.
[52:52]
Abby
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, don't ask.
[52:53]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Because he said no. And then he was like, don't give him the option. That's a hard thing as a parent. Because I would say like, do you want to do this? When it's like, actually something that we are gonna do. Yeah. So like having to like that was something that I had to spend a lot of time like rephrasing. Matt and I both did.
[53:07]
Abby
Yeah. My mom pointed that out to me. Time she was like, you keep asking me if he wants to do it. You need to stop asking him. Like you just need to tell him to do it. And I was like, you're so right.
[53:15]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Do you want to get in the car so we can go to so and so. It's like, that's so easy to say, but actually you don't have an option. So unfortunately of being nice.
[53:22]
Abby
I'm saying it like this, but he doesn't understand that. He's too clear.
[53:25]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. I have hidden in the bathroom to get a moment of peace.
[53:29]
Abby
Agreed.
[53:30]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Probably every day actually.
[53:32]
Abby
But it doesn't happen anymore. Cuz CJ loves to sit in there
[53:34]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
with me while lock the door.
[53:37]
Abby
I know, but I'm the only one home, so I have to like supervise. So I'm like, come on in, buddy.
[53:43]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Come on in, buddy.
[53:45]
Abby
But yeah, I definitely have agreed.
[53:46]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Moms can flex that as well. Of course. I'm like, it's serious. I gotta go upstairs.
[53:52]
Abby
Yeah, sometimes I sit on the floor instead of the toilet so that I don't pass out.
[53:59]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Abby, you know they say it's bad
[54:01]
Abby
to sit on the toilet too long, so I'll just sit on the floor.
[54:03]
Addy
Not because you're gonna pass out.
[54:05]
Abby
Well, they say you can get hemorrhoids and stuff.
[54:07]
Addy
Yeah, but hemorrhoids aren't gonna make you pass.
[54:08]
Abby
I think you can lose Circulation.
[54:10]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I mean, this is wild.
[54:14]
Abby
Fun fact.
[54:16]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
How long are you in there?
[54:17]
Abby
Catch me my book in the bath floor.
[54:22]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Strict nap schedules, white noise and blackout curtains are the only way to sleep, baby.
[54:27]
Abby
I disagree and y' all know it. And you can hate me for it.
[54:29]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Your son did not nap at my house.
[54:32]
Abby
Okay, but he's in transition.
[54:34]
Addy
I don't think you do.
[54:38]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I would say disagree.
[54:39]
Addy
I don't think you need all it.
[54:40]
Abby
Yeah, I disagree.
[54:41]
Addy
Brielle wants it dark. I mean, I think dark. I think sound machine non negotiable.
[54:48]
Abby
Yeah, I kind of agree with that. You just gotta drown out the outside noise.
[54:51]
Addy
That's kind of my. And then dark.
[54:54]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Strict schedule, though, I hear.
[54:55]
Addy
Very strict on your schedule. Yes, Very strict schedule with y'. All.
[55:00]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You're gonna lighten up on the next one, I believe.
[55:02]
Addy
Well, here's where I've lightened up is that she doesn't always nap the same amount of time. And so then I have to flex the schedule a little bit. That's crazy.
[55:10]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No, that's strict. That's very strict.
[55:12]
Addy
Really crazy.
[55:15]
Abby
I love it. Addie.
[55:15]
Addy
It's really.
[55:16]
Abby
She's sleeping through the night. So you. I love you.
[55:18]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And Blake's communication, you're like, okay, and then we'll give her a 20 minute nap at 5:10, but wake her up.
[55:24]
Addy
She has to be up by 5:30. My mom. My mom, she texted me. She goes, so she Woke up at 4:15. I said, no more naps.
[55:34]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's funny.
[55:35]
Abby
That's amazing. I think you also love an excuse to leave.
[55:38]
Addy
You're like, oh, it's so great having a nap. But I will. I do hate it sometimes. I'm like. Like, oh, this stinks. But other times here. We used to have used the dogs as. Excuse
[55:50]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
me, you did. Now you have a baby.
[55:52]
Addy
Now we have a baby.
[55:53]
Abby
But I'm honestly just jealous of you and your time management skills. So that's why.
[55:56]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Do it work?
[55:57]
Addy
I do sometimes have fomo, though, when we leave. And I'm like, sometimes, like, how is Vivian still there? How is she still awake?
[56:07]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
But it's okay. You gotta do what you gotta do. I respect it. We have fluctuated in and out of that as well. We're very strict on some things and not strict at all on other things.
[56:14]
Abby
You gotta pick your battle.
[56:15]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And actually, now that they're two and three, I feel like, wow, we've come a long way.
[56:19]
Abby
Yeah.
[56:19]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Everything is wishy washy. Gentle parenting doesn't work.
[56:24]
Abby
I honestly don't feel like I can answer this. Question.
[56:26]
Addy
Agreed. I don't know enough.
[56:28]
Abby
I don't even know what the gentle parenting method is, but I feel like the Internet's gonna say, like, no, it doesn't work. But I'm just like, I feel like
[56:34]
Addy
your parenting might lean on the side of gentle parenting.
[56:37]
Abby
I think there's, like, parts of it that I'm like, that probably don't work. And then there are parts of it I'm like, that's good.
[56:41]
Addy
But yours works.
[56:42]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
So sometimes I feel like my family.
[56:44]
Abby
Do you do gentle parenting?
[56:45]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I don't follow it specifically, no.
[56:47]
Abby
I don't even know what it is. Like, I've never.
[56:48]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Intuitive parenting.
[56:51]
Abby
Like, you just gotta do what you gotta do.
[56:52]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No, I feel like this is my, like, assessment of other people watching my parenting is that I'm not strict enough. Oh. Everyone probably thinks that Abby's kids just run the show and it's like, are they wrong? No, I was not exactly.
[57:08]
Abby
My friend asked me the other day, actually. She said, what do you ask your friends, you and our friend Val like a lot about parenting? They said, yeah, I feel like they have different strengths. I feel like you are really good at speaking to your kids in a way that they understand.
[57:23]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's so nice.
[57:24]
Abby
And I've learned so much from watching that. So. No, I don't think that your kids just like, run amok and you.
[57:28]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
They're good kids. Yeah, they're good kids.
[57:30]
Abby
But I think that you're. You have a strong. I think people just have strong, different gifts. And like, some people are really good at, like, being strict about, you know, disciplinarians in different ways than others. And I think you're really good at speaking to your kids in a way that they actually understand. Or sometimes I'm like, I'm just running my mouth. I don't think anyone's understanding that is
[57:47]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
really, really, really nice. I feel like the other thing is that my kids genuinely, like, don't bother me, like, actually, like, much at all. And I'm like, I feel like it's like, oh, I have rose colored glasses for my children. So, like, when they're doing something like, that doesn't bother me. And I'm like, I should probably correct that, but I'm not bothered. And so I feel like if I was genuinely bugged by the things that they did or said, I feel like I would step in more. Whereas, like, I feel like some friends, like, I just can't handle, like, that noise or like that mess or like that, that, that type of play. Oh, like, I'm Like, I feel like it's, like, totally fine with me.
[58:20]
Abby
Totally. Yeah. But in the home, I feel like in public, I get a little bit more nervous.
[58:24]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. I need to step in in public more probably.
[58:26]
Abby
I didn't know how to handle the other day at flower trial when they were, like, all running around.
[58:30]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Oh, see, that didn't bug me.
[58:31]
Abby
I know, but then I was like, is it bugging other people? I don't know.
[58:33]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
They weren't around other people.
[58:35]
Abby
I know. Those are the things where I sometimes, like, worry not about your kids. Just, that's me with my kids. I'm like, am I worried too much about what other people think in public? I don't know. That's where I'm like, I battle. But yeah, at home, nothing bothers me.
[58:48]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, they're playing with the Misters, and it was really cute.
[58:50]
Abby
It was really cute.
[58:51]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay. So. I don't know. I guess I. I would say that I am a. I try to embody gentleness in my parenting.
[58:59]
Abby
Yeah.
[58:59]
Addy
Yeah.
[59:00]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
So I just would say probably disagree. I don't know. Every. We have high expectations for our kids, though. I really will say that every parent compares their kids to other kids. I would agree with that.
[59:10]
Abby
Yeah, I would agree.
[59:11]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Sure. Okay. This is where. Wasn't it Arthur Brooks that said, like, a certain level of comparison is good?
[59:18]
Abby
Yeah, I think comparison is healthy.
[59:20]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's good to know. It's like, okay, first of all, with milestones, like, how far off are we from now? This is where you can't get anxiety. There's like, a specific anxiety related to milestones. But, like, it's like, hey, when do they start doing this? And you're like, okay, I'm gonna flag that. This is like, they're a little behind compared to their friends in this area. And it's like, okay, now it's something I actually should probably bring up with their pediatrician. Or like, oh, this kid is able to do this. Or, heck, I was like, oh, they're already starting sports. I should sign Griffin up for sports. There's, like, a healthy level of comparison, and there's obviously a very unhealthy level of comparison. And I feel like that gets harder as they get older and the differences become greater. Because right now I feel like they're all kind of fairly even. Like, the differences are minor. But then when you start entering, like, higher level sports or like, some kids really start excelling in school and get into, like, a gifted program at school, and some are, like, needing, like, IEPs in certain areas, like, I Feel like that's where it's going to be more difficult.
[60:14]
Abby
Oh, interesting. Yeah, I could see that.
[60:16]
Addy
Yeah.
[60:17]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's easy for us to say now when it's like, oh, your kid started walking three. Three weeks before my kid started walking versus, like, oh, your kid is, like, struggling in school, and this kid is, like, in skipping a grade. Accelerated program. I don't know.
[60:31]
Abby
Yeah.
[60:32]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
There's a healthy level is all I'm saying. Having kids makes marriage harder. I'm gonna say agree, I'm sure, because
[60:41]
Addy
it's just another person to take care of.
[60:43]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah.
[60:44]
Addy
But I feel like it's made our marriage stronger. Yeah, it has made it a little harder, but we've also gotten stronger because of it.
[60:50]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You get less one on one time. Yeah. And I feel like you just have to. Really? That's hard to do.
[60:55]
Abby
Yep. I would agree. Sometimes I'm like, yeah, it's made it better and stronger. I think it's made our marriage richer and that I feel like the depth of, like, our trust and reliance on one another has to be so much greater. Like, we have to really, like, understand that the other person is going to, like, stick on their responsibilities and, like, stick to their word. We have to figure out, like, navigating how to discipline, how we want to parent, like, these big vision goals for our family. Those things are, like, really have made us grow deeper in a lot of ways. But I think, like, logistically, marriage is probably a lot harder.
[61:28]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You said that really well.
[61:30]
Abby
Thanks.
[61:30]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
There's a lot more factors. It gets more complicated, and when it's more complicated, it gets harder.
[61:35]
Abby
Right. But not in a bad way. It's just different.
[61:37]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
But it's not. It's nothing to discourage anyone from having kids. Like, and. But it's something, I think, having accurate. Like John Delano says, you have a new marriage, once you have kids. Every kid you have, you have a new marriage. And just like always, just like, being willing to adjust and rework how it looks just between the two of you is. It's a exercise for sure.
[61:59]
Abby
Yeah. But, yeah, I think it's made it richer.
[62:02]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Pregnancy hormones have started at least one unnecessary argument. Oh, heck, yeah. Yeah.
[62:08]
Abby
Disagree, y'. All. Because you know what? No one's gonna blame him on hormones for that. It was his fault. No, I agree. It's. Yeah, it's gonna.
[62:17]
Addy
I remember when I first got pregnant and I was like, I don't know who I was. For some reason, I feel like I was talking to my dad that this would be weird, but I was like, I Don't know. There's, like, pregnancy rage, but I don't know how I could ever be mad at him. I'm so happy.
[62:32]
Abby
Yeah.
[62:33]
Addy
That came back to bite me. I definitely got mad at him.
[62:36]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I actually. Last week, I called Matt, and I was, like, really intense, and I was like, I didn't even feel that. Like, I felt disconnected from my response. And I texted him right after I got off the phone. I was like, I'm sorry. I came in really hot there.
[62:50]
Abby
Yeah.
[62:50]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And his response, he goes, I'm used to it right now. You're pregnant. And I was like, that's kind f you.
[62:59]
Addy
I was like, that's kind.
[63:00]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I was like, I've been so good to you. Oh, my God, that's great.
[63:04]
Abby
I've been so good to you.
[63:05]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
He said, I'm used to it. I was like, oh,
[63:10]
Abby
no.
[63:10]
Addy
At least he gave you the grace of being like, you're pregnant.
[63:13]
Abby
So it was a little.
[63:14]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Because he didn't even react, really. And I was like, you know what? I need to acknowledge that that was. That was hot and heavy for, like. For what? Like, for really literally what?
[63:21]
Addy
Yeah.
[63:22]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And so then. And then. And then it started a rage. So never apologize.
[63:28]
Abby
I was always apologizing. That was really harsh tone for no reason. Really sorry about that.
[63:32]
Addy
I really remember one time that I got so mad at Blake, and I was yelling and, you know, the whole bit, and I walked out the door because I was leaving. Anyway. I have no idea what it was about. I would love to remember. I'm sure it was something so small. Oh, man. It was really bad.
[63:47]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. I feel like also, your husband's genuinely, like, Matt walking through a fourth pregnancy with me now. Like, he is so desensitized to every symptom in the book. I'm not even kidding. He's literally just like. Like, that's beautiful and awesome. I'm not kidding. I actually feel like he, like, genuinely means. I'm like, you really? Don't you think that's, like, my veiny boobs? He's like, that's amazing.
[64:09]
Abby
And I'm like, they do get so desensitized. Caleb was so. Just, like, it was so normal, everything the second time around that I was just like, actually, I just need you to, like, validate me.
[64:18]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
This is different.
[64:19]
Abby
Like, please tell me I'm not.
[64:20]
Addy
Please tell me I look. I look different.
[64:22]
Abby
Please.
[64:22]
Addy
Yes.
[64:23]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
They're so distant.
[64:24]
Abby
Please tell me, though, that's you're sorry that this is hard.
[64:28]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
This one says it's normal for your spouse to Feel like a roommate.
[64:33]
Abby
Yeah, I agree.
[64:34]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Oh really?
[64:35]
Abby
It's normal. Oh, and postpartum or is this outside of pregnancy?
[64:39]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I don't know, it's just general. Oh, but this is a pregnancy in.
[64:43]
Abby
I would say pregnancy. I agree. Normally I would disagree. But there are seasons for sure where like you're in a roommate stage. Is it always like that? I don't think it should always be like that.
[64:53]
Addy
Maybe I'm just different. That I've never associated like us. Let's say we're not having sex as often or not doing things as him. As my roommate. He's always felt like my husband. I don't just never feel like he's my roommate. I don't know why. I've just never sweet. I mean there are seasons where we're not like doing anything like relationship wise and we're just hanging out. But I never feel like he's my roommate. I don't know why that's good. I just don't associate with that word.
[65:20]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Matt's overly affectionate. I will say. And so I feel like that has like helped. I also feel like we're far enough removed from like a baby stage. I forget in those six weeks, those first six weeks, I will say I can agree with like feeling like it just feels like everything is like you do the chores, I do my chores, we do it. And you're eating your end of the day. Yeah. And then. And obviously there's like no, it's nothing romantic necess nothing movie looking like romance. Obviously it's so romantic to see your husband hold a new baby. Like there's things like that. But then, yeah, like I feel like in the middle of the night too. We had gotten it down to such a science that was just literally like signing off. Now we're gonna pass out for two hours.
[66:00]
Abby
I mean I feel like we've also. We've had seasons where it's just been so busy. Like Caleb sometimes will work 70 or 80 hours in a week. And I'm like, where you been? You know, and that definitely feels like room.
[66:10]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah.
[66:11]
Abby
So I feel like, yeah, that's normal sense.
[66:13]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That was more able to be more present. So I feel like that is like the difference there. During the baby years, your relationship has to take a backseat. I actually strongly disagree with this one.
[66:23]
Abby
I strongly disagree with that as well.
[66:25]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I think it's very important to not do that.
[66:27]
Abby
Yeah, I think so too.
[66:28]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And I feel like there's a lot of harmful messaging around this. I will say, like, I feel like there's Guilt around, like, any time. Type of separation from your baby, like, all of it is bad. And it's like, if it's for your marriage and you're, like, using that time intentionally to grow together and to deepen your. Your marriage, that is worth it. 10x for your children, and they will benefit from that as well. So.
[66:53]
Abby
Yeah, I agree. I don't have anything to add to that.
[66:55]
Addy
No.
[66:55]
Abby
You sure?
[66:56]
Addy
Yeah. No, I completely.
[66:57]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I feel like that's.
[66:58]
Addy
Completely disagree.
[66:58]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's the time to strengthen it, strengthen the foundation.
[67:02]
Abby
You don't want to have a. You don't want to have a. Like, a. A chip on your shoulder towards your kids for driving a wedge in your marriage. Like, you don't want to have resentment towards your kids for hurting your marriage. So you really need to make sure that you prioritize that.
[67:16]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And I'm gonna be so honest. When I had both of my kids, my. My nature wanted to completely disregard Matt. Like, it was like, we have these. These vulnerable lives that need me 100% of the time. Like, I had to actually, like, not view it as one. It was at the expense of the other. That was a really hard thing that I had to, like, like, on rework in my head and. Yeah, totally. And I feel like it has just been awesome for even. We only have toddlers now, but they, like, always, like, talk about marriage and dating and love, and it's really funny. Checking your partner's location is totally normal.
[67:51]
Abby
Yeah, I agree. I check it almost every day. I'm like, five o'. Clock. Where you at?
[67:56]
Addy
Same. I'm like, is he at least on his way home?
[67:58]
Abby
Like, is he going, I miss him?
[68:00]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I always know where that man is.
[68:01]
Abby
Same. I always ask him, like, do you track me? He's like, not usually same. I'm like, well, you should.
[68:07]
Addy
Yeah. Blake never looks at my location. I'm like, you can see.
[68:10]
Abby
Like, do you love me?
[68:11]
Addy
Yeah. He's like. He calls me. I'm like, I'm at work. I'm like, I can't answer.
[68:16]
Abby
How you doing?
[68:18]
Addy
That's funny.
[68:19]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Apologizing first doesn't always mean you were wrong. I agree with that, Abby. You taught me that.
[68:25]
Abby
I told you that?
[68:26]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah.
[68:27]
Abby
Oh, that's good advice.
[68:28]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You gave me really good advice.
[68:30]
Abby
That's sweet.
[68:30]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You gave me really good advice for saying, like, sorry. Now I'm gonna forget it. Like, I'm sorry things felt like things feel weird or, like, basically just, like, saying, like, acknowledging, like, acknowledging things are often, like, saying you're sorry for whatever your role is. Even if you can't quite define what it is. I'm not giving your advice well, but you taught me that.
[68:48]
Abby
Oh, that's sweet. I'm glad it's been helpful.
[68:50]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. Okay. Would you or your spouse agree on who apologizes the most?
[68:58]
Addy
I wonder if we would agree, because
[69:00]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Matt and I disagree. We both think that we apologize more than the other. I feel like that's common.
[69:06]
Addy
I feel like we would. I feel like we would agree that Blake apologizes before me and the most, even when I'm the one in the wrong.
[69:14]
Abby
That's sweet.
[69:16]
Addy
He's very good. I'm like, I'm gonna go to bed. He's like, nah, nah, nah, nah.
[69:21]
Abby
So we're gonna talk this out. I think Caleb and I'd probably disagree because I think we both apologize a lot. So he'd probably be like, I apologize more. I'm like, I know I apologize more.
[69:29]
Addy
I'm gonna ask.
[69:29]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, I'll come back. Let us know. Marriage advice from single friends isn't helpful.
[69:39]
Abby
I don't know about that one. I mean, I'm taking it with a grain of salt. I mean, what was the question? It's not always bad.
[69:47]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Marriage advice from single friends isn't helpful.
[69:50]
Abby
No, I'm sure sometimes it's helpful. I'm sure a lot of times it's helpful.
[69:54]
Addy
I'm gonna be neutral. I. I would not go to them as my first person to ask for marriage advice.
[69:59]
Abby
Yeah.
[70:00]
Addy
I just think it's different. It's the same way as going to someone who doesn't. Well, maybe not completely the same way, but, like, going to someone who doesn't have kids for advice about having kids. It's just not. At least for me, it's. From what I've seen is not as helpful.
[70:13]
Abby
Yeah, this. It's so hard to make this one, like, a. Like a stake in the ground, because I'm sure some of it is really helpful. You know, I'm just gonna say, for the sake of the game, I'm gonna say agree, but just know that I don't agree with that.
[70:28]
Addy
I was gonna say one of my closest friends is single, and she knows me very, very well, and so she can give advice to me, and she knows Blake and I's relationship really well, too, and so I can tell her about something, and she's very good at navigating my. Like, who I am and how I would probably respond to something.
[70:44]
Abby
That's true.
[70:44]
Addy
That's a little bit. Bit different than being like, we're having this problem in our Relationship and going to them about, like, marital problems versus, like, I reacted in the incorrect way and she can call me out for it.
[70:53]
Abby
Okay, that's a good distinction, Addie. That's a very good distinction.
[70:56]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I don't really have a strong opinion on this.
[70:57]
Abby
I know, like, a specific marital problem. I would probably say if you're single, you're not married. I wouldn't necessarily. There's an advice.
[71:04]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Well, just because they also might be, like, alarmed. They might be like, oh, my gosh.
[71:07]
Addy
Yes, that I.
[71:08]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That is crazy. But then other people in relationships are like, yeah, we've been there.
[71:14]
Abby
Yeah, totally.
[71:16]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Romance has to be scheduled after having kids. Let's be honest. They're talking about sex.
[71:22]
Abby
I'm gonna say disagree.
[71:23]
Addy
I was also gonna say disagree, but
[71:25]
Abby
I think it depends on the person.
[71:27]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I'm gonna say disagree, but I don't think it's. There's any. If you're not doing it, schedule it. Schedule it.
[71:32]
Addy
Yes. Have a conversation about it. If you need to, like, figure out what days of the week it's gonna be or if you're gonna do it. If it's gonna be an expectation every night, and then discuss it. If you. It's. If you're not feeling it that night. I feel like that's been helpful.
[71:46]
Abby
Did you say expectation every night?
[71:47]
Addy
So it's. So what helps us.
[71:50]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
We gave her that advice, Abby.
[71:51]
Abby
Oh, did we? Did we not?
[71:54]
Addy
I think you gave it. I think one time you gave me that advice.
[71:59]
Abby
That's good.
[72:01]
Addy
We. No, we. Yeah, we changed our expectation to every night. It's. We're planning to every night. And if we're not, that's when we have a discussion about it. Not a discussion that we're going to.
[72:11]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I love that it's the other way around, Abby. You were a part of that conversation.
[72:14]
Abby
It's ringing a bell. It's ringing a bell. It is. It's ringing a bell. And you know what? I love that you said.
[72:20]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You said. I think that's probably good. I feel like that is probably like you said.
[72:24]
Abby
Sorry. If it was three weeks ago. I don't remember.
[72:26]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It was three weeks ago.
[72:27]
Abby
I don'T know. Probably more three weeks ago.
[72:30]
Addy
But I think that's really helpful.
[72:31]
Abby
My mind just started working 3 weeks ago. Cuz I'm 6 months postpartum for a context.
[72:37]
Addy
Like I said, I don't know.
[72:39]
Abby
Oh, well, I love the honesty.
[72:41]
Addy
I said, you.
[72:42]
Abby
You must know.
[72:43]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
See, Blake is just also. Just difficult. Like, he's like, I'm not gonna give
[72:46]
Addy
you a definitive Answer. Especially if I say it's for the podcast. He'd be like, why are you asking?
[72:51]
Abby
Cause we have talking about me.
[72:53]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
He's like, I don't wanna talk about it publicly.
[72:55]
Abby
Listen to always here.
[72:56]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No, he's the worst podcast.
[72:58]
Addy
But you wanna know what he hassles me about? Listening to his. Watching his YouTube videos for his work.
[73:04]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, I know. He asks me about that, too.
[73:05]
Addy
Yeah. And I'm like, have you listened to Always Hear yet? It. Have you listened to a single episode? No.
[73:10]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You're like. You're not even in the content, brother.
[73:13]
Addy
Yeah, he's just behind the scenes.
[73:14]
Abby
I love it.
[73:16]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Protecting your marriage means setting boundaries with family sometimes.
[73:20]
Abby
I agree.
[73:20]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, I agree.
[73:22]
Addy
Yeah, Agreed.
[73:23]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I feel like that one is.
[73:24]
Abby
I actually think that's unnecessary. It's called leave and cleave. Yeah, It's a good little church there.
[73:30]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
There you go.
[73:31]
Abby
I'm not gonna explain. I'm just gonna leave it there for you guys to chew on.
[73:34]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
On.
[73:34]
Addy
Cleave it, cleave it.
[73:36]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Get your cleaver.
[73:37]
Abby
Leave it and cleave it.
[73:40]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Being a parent makes you more anxious. Okay. I'm gonna say agree, but I will say I have. My confidence is deeper than it's ever been since becoming a mom. It's beautiful. But my. That felt so.
[73:51]
Abby
Not like that. No, it is beautiful.
[73:55]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That felt like she so did not believe me. I do believe it. I agree with you.
[73:59]
Abby
I would, with agree, say the same thing.
[74:00]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I feel. Yeah. Okay. So what I would say. Sorry, we've been talking for way too long.
[74:06]
Abby
I just, like. I need to have my personality in my tone. That's what happened. I'm sorry.
[74:09]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay. So I was saying, I feel like I have experienced new levels of anxiety since pregnancy and children have happened in my life. But I feel like my sense of identity and my confidence has never been deeper. So I don't know that you can. I feel. I know that you can be a very confident person. Person and experience anxiety. So that's how I feel. But I'm gonna say agree.
[74:32]
Abby
Agree.
[74:33]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That being a parent makes you more anxious.
[74:35]
Abby
Yeah. I think just inevitably it does.
[74:37]
Addy
Honestly, I'm most anxious about the schedule.
[74:39]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Gosh darn it, you'll get out of that.
[74:42]
Abby
Yeah, you will. Yeah. Some people have.
[74:44]
Addy
You felt confident the whole time?
[74:45]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No.
[74:46]
Abby
Confidence comes from fumbling the past. You know what I mean? Confidence comes from messing up and fingering it out. And you're like, I made it through and I can do it now.
[74:55]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And I don't feel confident every day. Kids have a New way of making you just reevaluate everything.
[75:01]
Abby
It's good. We need our pride to be humbled.
[75:04]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Our pride to be humbled. You don't fully understand your partner until you see them as a parent. I'm gonna disagree on that.
[75:11]
Abby
I'm gonna disagree with that one.
[75:12]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I think you can have a completely full marriage without having children.
[75:14]
Abby
I agree.
[75:15]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I understand each other.
[75:16]
Abby
I agree.
[75:17]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I sometimes feel like the default parent no matter how supportive my partner is.
[75:21]
Abby
Oh, yeah. I would agree with littles.
[75:23]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I agree with babies for sure. Yeah. I think this is lesson. But I will also agree. But I feel like it has lessened
[75:29]
Abby
significantly as they get older.
[75:31]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
For sure. Yeah. And I also feel like Matt now is like slowly starting to become the default parent. Yeah.
[75:35]
Addy
I feel like since we have like our routine, it's just like default and then like because I wake up like with Brielle and feed her and breastfeeding that thing.
[75:42]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And both of your spouses go to work.
[75:44]
Addy
Yeah. And so we have a different situation. Like I'm like, oh, like you'll wake up with a monitor on and give her a bottle in the morning on the weekends. So I'm. That means I'm the default parent on the weekdays.
[75:54]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
We have a very unique situation with us both being home. Yeah.
[75:57]
Abby
I know Caleb could fully handle it all if I was to go out of town or something. But yeah, just normally with littles, I'm going to be the default.
[76:03]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
And I depending on what happens too. Like if our kids are hurt, they want me.
[76:07]
Abby
Oh, yeah. When I'm little. When they're little, I want them. I want to be the default parent.
[76:10]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
So you eventually do become your own mother.
[76:14]
Abby
No, I don't think so. Disagree. Oh, you know what? Agree and then disagree.
[76:17]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Abby. What?
[76:19]
Abby
Because I think at first I started pick noticing that I was doing things that my mom did, and then I was like, oh, I want to do some of the things I want to do differently.
[76:27]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah.
[76:27]
Abby
Then I switched them. So I think it comes out because it's just what? You know, you like, default to your. You like default to your. What are your settings? Your default settings.
[76:36]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That's actually like proven by. Yes. Science. Yeah, exactly.
[76:39]
Abby
So I guess. Yeah, I would agree and then agree.
[76:42]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
But then you can also reevaluate and change it if you need to. Yeah.
[76:45]
Addy
I have no clue. Not a single idea.
[76:47]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I feel like I do.
[76:48]
Addy
Six months old.
[76:49]
Abby
Yeah. I feel like it'll come out.
[76:51]
Addy
I feel like my mom's better at it than I am right now.
[76:53]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I feel like your mom is very nurturing and sweet.
[76:56]
Addy
I should have looked at that.
[76:58]
Abby
You're nurturing and sweet. Oh, my gosh. When you're with Brielle, it melts me.
[77:02]
Addy
Sure.
[77:02]
Abby
You're such a good mom, Eddie. You want to work on so nurturing you are.
[77:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Traveling with kids isn't worth the chaos.
[77:09]
Abby
No, I disagree.
[77:10]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Disagree. It's good. It's good for everybody.
[77:12]
Abby
Someone thinks that.
[77:13]
Addy
I feel like now it's gonna be. Our next flight with braille is in June.
[77:17]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
We're about to enter the hardest season. Yeah.
[77:19]
Abby
Eight months to 18 months.
[77:22]
Addy
Three month flight. Oh, the best thing in the world.
[77:25]
Abby
Yeah.
[77:26]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
The craziest flight. When Augie was 13 months old. It was wild. I felt like I needed to write everybody a sorry.
[77:33]
Abby
I remember when you came home from that one, you were like, you just have free snacks.
[77:37]
Addy
You can out to everyone on the plane.
[77:38]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
That did age me about a year.
[77:41]
Addy
No,
[77:44]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
using cloth divers won't save the environment.
[77:47]
Abby
I mean, I disagree.
[77:48]
Addy
I don't know. I don't know. But I will not be using it.
[77:51]
Abby
It probably will save the environment, but will I do them?
[77:53]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No. There's already enough poop in my washing machine.
[77:56]
Abby
It's true.
[77:56]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
One of my kids pooped on the couch cushions today. And. And I just can't imagine that being an everyday thing going in my washing machine.
[78:03]
Abby
I know.
[78:04]
Addy
No, I won't. Nope. Nope.
[78:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No PDA is acceptable in front of family. Strongly agree.
[78:13]
Abby
Is it acceptable? I agree. It is acceptable. Is it still weird with my family? Yeah, sometimes it's still weird.
[78:18]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Be honest. Do we have too much pda?
[78:20]
Abby
Too much? No.
[78:21]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay.
[78:21]
Addy
Too much? No.
[78:22]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
A lot.
[78:22]
Abby
Yeah.
[78:25]
Addy
The other day, we were, like, at the end of recording, and they're just, like, both sitting here. I'm sitting there asking them work questions, and Matt's just, like, kissing Abby's belly with baby. I was like, fair, Fair. But I'm like. She's like, we're not that much pda. I'm like, look at you right now.
[78:43]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Wow.
[78:43]
Addy
And then. And then we figured out that you've never seen Blake and I kiss, so
[78:46]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I actually don't think I have. Cause I also missed their wedding. That would have been my chance to
[78:50]
Addy
see us kiss on the wedding day.
[78:51]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I just had Griffin.
[78:52]
Addy
Aw. Yeah. It's okay.
[78:53]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I wear the pants in my household.
[78:55]
Abby
Wait, do you think Caleb and I are a pda?
[78:58]
Addy
No.
[78:59]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Sometimes I want. I feel like you're more PDA than Caleb.
[79:01]
Abby
I know. I'm like.
[79:02]
Addy
I used to be insecure about it, about not being like, that Blake and I weren't pda, and then I realized that I don't want to be.
[79:08]
Abby
Yeah.
[79:09]
Addy
That was when we were in the first, like, year of our marriage. I was, like, more insecure about it.
[79:13]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I feel like we both lean towards physical touches being our love language, and
[79:16]
Addy
I think that's the biggest, like, thing about it.
[79:18]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I feel like Matt is also just very affectionate sometimes. I'm like, I know everybody wants to. To see this. I wear the pants in my household.
[79:29]
Abby
I disagree with that.
[79:29]
Addy
I disagree.
[79:32]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I don't know. What do you think? Disagree. Agree. I feel like I'm the most in the middle here.
[79:38]
Abby
I think you're in the middle. Yeah.
[79:39]
Addy
I feel like you guys have your
[79:40]
Abby
roles, and you own your roles really well.
[79:42]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah.
[79:43]
Abby
Which I think we all probably do.
[79:44]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I would say. But I would say we each got a leg in the pants.
[79:46]
Abby
Yeah.
[79:47]
Addy
Yeah. I mean, I let Blake take the. Like, he's the one who makes the final decisions about things, and he's the leader of the household.
[79:56]
Abby
Yeah. I would agree.
[79:58]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I'm gonna ask Matt, but I feel like Matt would say that I wear the pants.
[80:02]
Addy
I make the play.
[80:03]
Abby
I don't think that's true.
[80:04]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay, thanks.
[80:04]
Abby
I don't think that's true.
[80:05]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I feel like we both got a leg and a leg and a leg.
[80:08]
Abby
Like, if Matt were to say that you wear the pants in the family. I don't think that's true.
[80:12]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. Do you think he wears pants?
[80:15]
Abby
Yeah, I don't think. You. You don't make any decisions like. Like, without Matt?
[80:18]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
No, I don't make any decisions about Matt. I don't feel like he really makes decisions about you.
[80:22]
Abby
Yeah.
[80:22]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I mean, it's pretty even.
[80:24]
Abby
Caleb and I don't make decisions without each other either.
[80:26]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah.
[80:27]
Abby
Caleb is definitely the leader of our house, though, for sure.
[80:30]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I'm in the middle.
[80:31]
Abby
Yeah.
[80:31]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I know the code to my husband's phone.
[80:34]
Abby
Yeah, I agree.
[80:38]
Addy
It's a cross pattern.
[80:39]
Abby
Oh, shoot. She said it to the Internet.
[80:43]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Bleep. That Having kids made me lose a part of myself. Whoa. We just went so serious. I'm sorry. Having kids made me lose a part of myself. I actually. I'm gonna say agree. I. I fundamentally changed, and I. I didn't realize it until, honestly, like, right. Like, the past month, like, this. All of motherhood, like, did change me, but it's not something I grieve. Like, I used to. Like, when I first had my first kid, I was like, I'm not even excited about the things that I once was Excited about, like, I don't even know. Like, I felt lost and confused in those, like, first weeks postpartum. Definitely feel, like, way more grounded in my role as a mom and, like, where how this fits into my new lifestyle, like, all these things. But, yeah, I feel like there's parts of me that were lost. I will probably. I think a lot of selfishness was also lost. I was. I think it was good to shed.
[81:37]
Abby
I would agree. Yeah. I feel like losing myself as a mom in a good way. Like, I felt like a caterpillar that got put up in my cocoon and I shed my skin, and my wings have been flying, baby. And, you know, fair. The confidence is so.
[81:49]
Addy
No, that's great.
[81:51]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
You're flying high. No, I, I.
[81:53]
Abby
What I really mean by that is, like, I think becoming a mom, it has made me want to be more creative. It's made me want to be. Be more patient. Like, it's made me want to grow in a lot of these areas where before it was good things that I've shed, not, like, bad things that I've lost. And I think a lot of times people are like, oh, I've. Like, we, of course, we go through seasons when in the fresh postpartums phase, where we're not as interested in things that we like.
[82:17]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, because you just.
[82:18]
Abby
You just actually don't have the capacity to.
[82:21]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah, it's like, that has to go.
[82:22]
Abby
It has to go. And it's for a season. And, like, there was a season where I almost. Brushing my teeth. Well, went.
[82:28]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Okay.
[82:28]
Addy
Okay.
[82:28]
Abby
Because your capacity is just so maxed out. So it's like, of course I'm not thinking about, like, sewing or doing. Picking up a hobby, you know? But as time goes on and you become a mom, there's this battle of, like, not allowing motherhood to become your full identity. And then there's this part of you that's like, oh, I want to, like, find the other things that I am interested in. And it's become, like, a really fun process of, like, figuring out what I do find joy in on things that. And I never would have given that any attention before, Ed. Kids.
[82:57]
Addy
Kids.
[82:58]
Abby
So I feel like there's this beauty in it where it's like, I want. I'm excited to, like, find different things that I'm interested in and, like, creativity.
[83:05]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
There's a new motivation to grow yourself as a person, as an individual.
[83:08]
Abby
I would think that's a great way to say it, Abby. Huh?
[83:10]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I do feel like I'm less creative, though, since becoming a Mom, I don't have that circle anymore.
[83:15]
Abby
Well, it's like you miss it and so you want to, like, flex the muscle. It's like I want to do those things.
[83:19]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It feels. Yeah. It just feels so unnatural.
[83:22]
Addy
One thing I picked up recently, I feel like, is being a good friend. Like, I don't know why. I think it's because so many people, like, supported me postpartum that I'm like. Like, I just want to support everyone. You've been supporting everybody and, like, trying to be a good friend because that's like, what was shown to me. And that's been kind of a fun thing. Being a good friend has been fun for me. Not canceling, showing up to things, supporting people, doing. Doing things with.
[83:46]
Abby
You always show up at it. You give you grief about it.
[83:48]
Addy
I just leave early.
[83:49]
Abby
Yeah. It's funny.
[83:51]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
On time, though. So she's spinning.
[83:53]
Addy
Yeah, exactly as we are.
[83:56]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It's true. Yeah, exactly. I miss my pre pregnancy body.
[84:04]
Abby
Oh, yeah, I agree to that. That's okay.
[84:09]
Addy
We're there, guys.
[84:10]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I think it's unrealistic.
[84:11]
Abby
I love my postpartum body, but I also can miss my six pack. I'm just kidding.
[84:17]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
God, I look back at it, you
[84:18]
Abby
guys, I'm becoming an a hole. That's what's happening here.
[84:20]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I'm getting back. I used to be like, matt, don't look at that. I don't know her. That's cheating. That's like me just two years ago.
[84:28]
Addy
I know.
[84:29]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
But I'm like, no. Now I'm like. I just look back, I'm like, oh, she was so hot. I like, have a new feeling about my pre pregnancy body. And I'm just like, never forget that I used to look like this.
[84:40]
Addy
I know I'll never get back to, like, exactly like that, but I have gone through a period of, like, losing 10 pounds before I was pregnant ever. And so it kind of gives me motivation that like. Like, you can get back there. Like, you can't get all the way back there, but, like, you can put in the work and get close.
[84:55]
Abby
Yeah. I actually felt the best ever in my skin. 18 months postpartum with CJ. Like, I felt the best ever. I felt strong. I felt like I was really confident. And then I got pregnant, like, literally that month.
[85:06]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
So it's fun, but I felt really strong after having Augie, so it's just different.
[85:11]
Addy
Yeah.
[85:12]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Segs feels different after birth.
[85:16]
Abby
Yeah, For a couple months.
[85:17]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yep.
[85:17]
Abby
Agree.
[85:18]
Addy
We actually just got back into it feeling normal.
[85:20]
Abby
Yeah, I think for a couple months.
[85:22]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Yeah. I feel like that is pretty much a given. Everybody.
[85:26]
Addy
What can you have it?
[85:27]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
It has seen some trauma. No big deal. I am the fun parent.
[85:34]
Abby
No, I disagree. Yeah, no, I disagree.
[85:37]
Addy
She's six months old, but I'll say disagree. Blake, like, throws her up in the air and stuff. I don't do that.
[85:42]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
So cute, you guys. I literally just the Morgan. So often I'll just, like, look outside and see Matt and the boys playing in the pool, and I'm like, I am so glad. I gave Matt two little friends.
[85:52]
Addy
Aw, that's sweet.
[85:54]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
He's having a genuine blast right now.
[85:56]
Abby
That's great.
[85:57]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Or one of our friends came over to bring a meal, and she's like, I. I was upstairs taking a bath. Matt was playing outside with the kids, and she was like, matt was just having a great time.
[86:04]
Abby
That's so fun.
[86:05]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
I was like, I am glad that Matt just has so much fun. Yeah, Matt genuinely, like, I have a limit to, like, the imaginative play. Like, I kind of reach my partner. Like, all right, I think we've capped out. Maybe it's my creativity that's lacking. Matt is bursting with it, and they are really having a great time. It's so sweet. I, like, love that they definitely go to Matt. Like, they even tell me sometimes they're like, mom, chase me.
[86:27]
Abby
I'm like, daddy's home.
[86:31]
Addy
God, come here. They want to. They'll chase them.
[86:35]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Well, that was our last one, guys. Wow, that one. That was deep. That was. Was silly. That was serious. That was everything.
[86:41]
Abby
That's great.
[86:42]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Very grateful for you guys and that we get to do motherhood together, because, gosh, it's way better doing it together, for sure. Their family. So I'm grateful for you guys. Thank you to Addie and Abby for joining Unplanned. This is your reminder, guys, to, like, review, subscribe, comment, all the things. And also, please check us out on Always Here that launches a new episode every Friday. And wherever you watch your podcast, yes, it is there. So you can count on that. And we love to have you. And thanks so much for tuning in this episode.
[87:11]
Abby
Yeah, thank you so much for having
[87:13]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
us, and peace out, dudes. New to TikTok, you might be surprised.
[87:20]
Abby
TikTok shop is packed with a wide variety of products and unexpected discounts.
[87:25]
Host (possibly the main host of Unplanned podcast)
Easy to browse, easy to find good value.
[87:28]
Abby
Download TikTok now.