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Tony Robbins
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Interviewer 1
Not available in all states.
Tony Robbins
This is not being disrespectful. I hope you can feel my state. Yeah, you're not a man until you're about 40.
Sage Robbins
Just so you know, maybe 50.
Tony Robbins
Our daughter has two moms. She has her mom carried her. She's got her mom here. That comes from her. And she's got me. We have this unique family.
Sage Robbins
I wanted to be a mother so bad. And then miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage. I surrendered that and I'd never be who I am without that path.
Tony Robbins
The best way to serve your children is the way you love each other. We live in a world. We make our kids number one. And our kids are critical to us, but we're number one. The deepest fear everyone has. Everyone I've dealt with kings, queens, presents, people in prisons. We all have a fear that we're not enough. And that leads to a much deeper fear, which is if I'm not enough, I won't be loved. And love is the oxygen of life.
Interviewer 1
Today on Unplanned, we sat down with the self help legend, Tony Robbins. The billionaire life coach, motivational speaker and philanthropist that has been helping people get their lives back on track since the 1980s. And his work has impacted some of the most influential people in the world. Names like Nelson Mandela, Bill Clinton and Princess Diana. Also, his wife of over 20 years, Sage, is joining us for this interview. And we get into all the unique details of their story, like having a baby in their 50s and 60s, why their daughter has two moms, and so much more, all on today's episode. You've been together for over 26 years, correct?
Tony Robbins
Yes.
Interviewer 1
What's your secret? How do you stay married that long? It's amazing.
Tony Robbins
Love is the answer, brother. I know what I have and I'm not about to mess that up. I think part of it is we're devoted to each other, but we also have a mission that we're devoted to. And I think it's important to have something. Devotion is different than just love. Devotion is your needs are my needs, not I'm gonna meet your needs. Should I make you happy or until you're not? We're both completely devoted to each other and devoted to our family, but we also have a Mission to serve as many human beings. And one of the beautiful things when Sage came into my life is I felt like I wasn't the only person that had that sense of caring and drive. And we both bring different qualities together and compliment each other so. But every day I think to myself, you know, how to get so lucky? I always say, and I really believe I've helped tens of millions of people around the world and this is my reward, you know, this is my good karma. This young lady here and you have.
Interviewer 1
A sweet four year old daughter together, that's a very big deal. I know that didn't come without challenges though. That was a long journey. Tell us more about that.
Sage Robbins
You're 26? 27. 27. So we met at 26 years old.
Tony Robbins
You were 26?
Sage Robbins
Yes, when I was 20. Yes, when I was 36 years old and I miscarried the first time when I was, gosh, 25. And then I never imagined it'd be a 20 year journey, but I miscarried.
Tony Robbins
Time, you can imagine the devastation of that.
Sage Robbins
And I, you know, lo and behold, I found out many, many years later that I have a rare genetic disorder, that my body was even attacking a baby. And I didn't know it. And so, you know, this divine orchestration had another plan and its own timing. I never imagined I'd be this stage of my life with a four year old. But it's, it's so beautiful and it's so. For anybody that's on the journey and that wants to be a parent, it's wor to endure and to trust in God's timing and to know that sometimes what appears or the experience of loss, we just never know what is in store for us. And our daughter was so worth the wait. It's such a joy to be parents and also just I'm really passionate as well of having children later in life just because we did it. And it's such a beautiful experience. Experience. You have more lived wisdom and understanding. And I think, you know, when I think of a younger version of myself, I'm so grateful that we didn't have her then because I feel like we have more to offer.
Tony Robbins
I mean I was pushing around 50, I've had, I was married previously, she was as well. But the woman I married previously had children from two different husbands and I adopted them within my life. So I was 24, 25 and had a 17 year old son instantly, an 11 year old, a 5 year old and one on the way. And so I felt like, you know, I had Raised kids already. I've been through all those stages. And so I was like, honey, if we're gonna do this, you know, I do this by 50. I don't want to be, like, 55. I was 61 when we had her, you know, 66. And I gotta tell you, it's the greatest gift in the world. We were actually with a very famous designer when I was, like, 50. Anyway, I had his birthday party, and he was 60. I think 60 years old at the time. And he was. Just had a kid, and he was going on and on about it, and I remember in my mind thinking, wow, I can't imagine. And yet, now that I'm there and we're there together, there's no greater gift, because I'm proud how I was as a father before. But you just have, like Sage said, so much more wisdom, so much more insight. You can live your life so differently to be able to offer to your children at this stage. So I got five grandchildren as well.
Interviewer 1
So it's like, oh, my goodness.
Tony Robbins
My daughter is older than my grandchildren, so she's the auntie to her.
Interviewer 1
That is funny.
Sage Robbins
So weird.
Interviewer 1
Okay, what is that like? I mean, being a parent then versus being a parent now, because we're in this age of social media, where dopamine hits are rooting people's mental health, and it's really affecting people. So how do you approach parenting now in this day and age?
Tony Robbins
Well, the biggest difference is having this as my wife. Sage is the most unique human being that I could possibly imagine. We've spent 25 years of your life traveling the earth helping people make differences in their lives. And there's no one quite as spiritually rooted that I've ever met than her. When we first met, um, I didn't feel an attraction to her, per se. I saw her across the room and literally walked across the room. She stood up, we looked in each other's eyes, and I said, you're beautiful. I mean, I said inside, beautiful. It wasn't a line. And she didn't say anything. Which was the last time she was quiet. I think during the day, it was.
Sage Robbins
A soul recognition, like that feeling of coming home.
Tony Robbins
And then I remember I left there. My. One of my friends was like, she's hot. I was like, hot. I didn't experience that at all.
Interviewer 1
Wait, one of your. One of your friends said that to you?
Tony Robbins
Yes, my security guard. Oh, my God. No, I know. I said, someday I'll teach with her spiritually. And I'd never said about any human. And then Then I was interested in a relationship at that point. Right. And so then I'd been in a relationship for a long time and I went out and I was single and we were best friends. We talked till 8 in the morning on the phone. And then I go down on dates and I would tell her every detail of my dates. And she's like, you clearly don't understand women. She really didn't teach me, you're the best of friends. So we started with that. So they have her as the number one difference. Number two, we don't allow our daughter. There's no screen time with her at this st. There's no social media, we don't have any pictures of her and social media won't even say her first name. Just because we want to have her own life and not to be tied into that. So we feel strong about that and.
Sage Robbins
The containership of just her having her own reality and not being exposed. And so we're mindful of that. On weekends, you know, we will share like a movie or a show and we're usually watching things that are like 30 years old, like Little Bear, Daniel Tiger. Daniel Tiger's wholesome. There's actually programming, it's called Stillwater, that we just discovered, that has really beautiful, really beautiful stories and meaningful examples. It's really beautifully done and thoughtfully done.
Tony Robbins
I've seen the sound of music 5,000 times.
Sage Robbins
Mary Poppins.
Tony Robbins
Mary Poppins 250 times.
Sage Robbins
Yes, she's a good attention span.
Interviewer 2
Mary Poppins is kind of long.
Sage Robbins
Yeah, that is a long, I think to be intentional with what children are putting into their minds and what they're processing, I think is really important as parents. And of course you can't, you know, stop kids from being exposed. Life is life. But in our home, we're very mindful of what she's consuming.
Interviewer 1
Yeah.
Sage Robbins
And she also, because of that, she's an avid reader. You know, she probably reads, gosh, maybe eight, nine, ten books a day.
Interviewer 1
Holy cow.
Sage Robbins
Yeah, well, we, you know, read to her. She just really.
Tony Robbins
She's studying like, you know, three different languages. She's doing architecture, she does her ballet, she has gymnastics. But also she has time just to be a kid, just to be. She has a time in the day that's just her time doing whatever she wants and so forth. So she isn't just over scheduled, but we want her to learn how to learn. Because as you say, in the world we're in right now with AI, people are all worried about this because if you think about it, 150 years ago, 80% of Americans were farmers. Now it's 3%. We feed the world.
Interviewer 2
Wow.
Tony Robbins
But that was plenty of time to get. No one thought of a job like, I'm going to be a webmaster or something back then, or AI something. But the difference now is the speed of change. The speed of change is going to be so rapid. It's already so rapid with AI that you see jobs disappearing right now that traditionally college students, it's the first time high school students are more employed than college students. First time in 50 years has happened right now. I used to say, you want a future study? Be a software engineer, right? Learn the right code. Well, guess what? Now with Vibe coding, all these companies, they need fewer software engineers, and anyone can do code. It's only going to get better in those areas. So I think every person has got to learn how to become a creator. What I mean by that is most people are stressed. When you ask them why they're stressed, they tell you about stories, but it's because they're busy managing. They're managing their circumstances. They're trying to make it through the day. They're trying to earn that living. But they've never designed their life. And we were created by something obviously we call our creator. You could call it God, the universe, whatever you prefer. And we were designed to create. And so our daughter is a creator. She isn't just learning other people's stuff. She's converting these ideas into something that she wants to create, whether it's a structure, an architectural structure, or it's a song or it's poetry or drawing or something she's doing in their body to music. And so that, to me, is the ticket, is teaching kids how to learn rapidly. Because you're not going to be replaced by an AI. You're going to be replaced by somebody how to use an AI, Right? Yeah. But your life has to be more than machines and more than screens or you won't have the emotional development. So that's what we're focused on with her.
Sage Robbins
And I think kids these days, they're overstimulated, they're distracted, they're entertained every moment. And so, you know, the energy is external, and yet there's a whole world internal that nothing really compares to. And so ever since she could actually sit up, we call it her quiet explore time. So it's her time to be with herself. And every day in the afternoon, for about maybe about 45 minutes, she goes up to her room and she has her own time, and she'll draw she'll play, she'll dance, but it's her time to be with herself. And I think in a world today with so many screens and just overstimulation, like, kids are really overstimulated so innocently, and then we give them all sorts of labels and. And I think because they're taught that it's more sexy that the pace and cadence of. They miss life.
Interviewer 1
Tony, I watched the Netflix documentary that you did, and I was honestly blown away. Think that one. Yeah, I'm not your guru. It was. It was so good. I actually lost a buddy of mine to suicide in college. And seeing that. That man talk to you in the beginning, and you're talking about his red shoes, and you're joking around, and he's just, you know, clearly really considering at that point in his life, ending his life, it was a very powerful thing to watch. How do you have these conversations with these people? Like, it's just so amazing. It's fascinating to me that you're able to just, like, stand up there and help them get to the root of their problem so quickly. What's the secret? What is it that people need?
Tony Robbins
A lot of questions.
Interviewer 1
Sorry, I kind of rambled there.
Tony Robbins
I apologize. No, you didn't ramble. I understand. First of all, interesting thing. That young man's name was Matthias, and he did not commit suicide, obviously. But more importantly, I just did the Diary of CEO podcast about three hours and. And he sent in a message to thank me.
Interviewer 1
No way.
Tony Robbins
Yeah, it's been 10 years since I did that.
Interviewer 1
Oh, my goodness.
Tony Robbins
And said, his life has never been the same, and he's so great. But it was a surprise. They surprised me with it on the air, which is very, very touching. But in that same one, you may have remembered, there was a young woman that was in a sex cult where the parents had sex with the children. Was so horrific. And I was in Brazil, and I was doing an event a few years ago, and I was in the crowd, and 10,000 people, and I walked by, and this woman kept looking at me. Looking at some people, you know, you're fascinating to them or in some way because you're, you know, you're a celebrity or something in their mind. But then I didn't realize. She goes, don't you recognize me? And it was her. She looked like such a different person. She wrote a book. She became a therapist. She got out of the group. She got other people out of the group. So it's so beautiful to see those things. Answer your question, how it's a Lifetime of understanding what creates meaning. The quality of your life is the emotions you feel. You can have $10 billion, but if what you feel every day is angry or sad, your life is angry and sad. You could have the most beautiful children, the most beautiful husband or wife, and they love you and you cannot feel loved. You can be worried all the time. So our, where we live emotionally, we have an emotional home, is where people live. I'm really good at uncovering what created those emotional patterns because There are like 4,000 words in the English language for emotions you could feel. When I have a room of 15,000 people, 20,000 people, stadium, and I'll say right now and I'll give you as much time as you need. Line down the middle of the page. All the emotions you feel in a week that are great and empowering and all the ones you feel are disempowering and not something you feel once in a rare while. Something at least once a week. So it's not a once in a while, once a month feeling. So it doesn't take long. And 99% of the people you got one or two people have 100 emotions, 50 emotions out of a stadium, 99% have less than a dozen emotions, five or six good ones and five or six and they're the same ones. They get excited and then worried and frustrated and pissed off and then, you know, fearful. And you see it happen again and again and again. And there's a reason for that. And it has to do with the values we have and the belief systems we have get you to that result over and over again. So, long story shortened. If someone's going to commit suicide, just like if someone's doing anything, they're going to give away their money, they're going to work hard, they're going to love on a stranger. Whatever we do, we have a reason. But I know there's only six reasons. There are six human needs. I know that what's driving you is which of these needs are the top of your list are driving you. We all have the same needs, but we have two things that are different. One is some people value, let's say security or certainty number one. And some people want variety as number one. That's a different life. Some people want to be significant more than anything else. Some people want to be loved. Which you value most determine your direction in life. If you want variety, you're going this way. If you want security, you're going this way. And direction determines destination or destiny. So I know the minute I discover what's driving you. I know what your problems are. I know what your challenges are and what your opportunities are. In addition to that, you have a set of beliefs about how to meet those needs. So if you're trying to meet your need for certainty, you might eat to do it. Because you're freaked out. You eat and all of a sudden you breathe and you calm down. Or you smoke a cigarette, you're killing yourself. But you take a breath in nice and slow and drop it out slow. You calm down. Or you could do it by working out and you feel strong. That's a positive way to do it. Or you could trust that God is guiding you. Or you could say, look, I've been through so much in my life. I always find the way you can get certainty in positive ways, neutral ways, or negative ways. But your life is directed. So once I know what's driving you and what your rules are, which is not hard to figure out very quickly, I know what the problem is, and I know where to take you. If someone's gonna commit suicide, it's an obvious one. What would you have to believe to commit suicide?
Interviewer 1
That there's no point in living anymore, that your life is meaningless? I mean, like, I'll be. I don't want to talk too much about me right now, but, like, I'm actually coming off of SSRIs and. Good for you. Thank you. Thank you. And I mean, I have an amazing wife, I have amazing kids, and I love my wife to death. But the thing that kept me going was, like, my kids, whenever things got really dark in my life, I just looked at my kids and was like, I have to be here for them. The way that they love me and the way that I love them, it brought and still brings a purpose into my life that I've never experienced before until becoming a parent.
Tony Robbins
Well, I think anyone who becomes a parent, that's God, right? We're programmed to love our children, even if they look like lizards when they're born. We think they're beautiful, right? They're no teeth, they're fat, they're drooling old. Then try that when you're 50. See if it works for you. Right? But we're programmed for that. But the difference that and your wife is not you love your wife less. It's that that love is so programmed as it is in her for your children. But it's also love that you don't think is going to go away because you never had a teenager, you never had a 16 year old. So it feels like, certain love, her love could feel like, goes away if you didn't behave effectively or vice versa. It could happen on both sides. But one of the great gifts that you'll be able to give each other as time goes on is to understand the best way to serve your children is the way you love each other. Because we live in a world. We make our kids number one, and our kids are critical to us, but we're number one. And the reason is in Sage's life, her parents, you know, they had a relationship that was extraordinary. And they had her. Describe it, if you would, honey. Me telling them, yes.
Sage Robbins
My mommy and daddy had been together for over 50 years, and there was five of us children. They fostered children. And so our house was dynamic. But the one thing that was just always known was that my mom and dad were first and foremost. And it's not that they loved us any less. They. I. And, you know, I experienced tremendous love. My parents were unified. You know, I could never play my mom against my dad. And in that unit, they always took their time together. They always had a date night. They always had, you know, they traveled. Like, they did things together. And I didn't recognize, like, what a demonstration of love that was because it was also an example. It was a mirror to me. And they still, to this day, you know, life, circumstances change. And as I shared with you, you know, my sweet mama's been navigating dementia and at different stages of life, I've just been so humbled at how enduring love and to witness my father serve my mama and take care of my mama. And my mom was always such a caregiver herself to my father and our family. And so, you know, just the poignancy of life and the beauty of life, but their togetherness and in the containership of life and love, you go through everything together. You know, you drop down in the valleys, you go to hell, you go to heaven, and. But yet, I think a lot of times in relationships, people, you know, they hit a challenging time and they give up because they think it's like, oh, my gosh, the. You know, the dream is over, the fantasy's over. This isn't a chance. He or she is not who I thought them to be. But my parents really were such an example to endure, like, to make it through those tough times. Because when you do that as a couple, you only get closer. It just gets sweeter with time. It gets more authentic. If you keep growing, if you keep growing and you stay.
Tony Robbins
Yeah, you stay both in her family, you think about it. We think today, like this whole thing, Baby on board. That'll start in the 80s. You know, even movies changed. Movies. Used to be the Exorcist was a child, right? It was the Devil Child, Rosemary's Baby, Right. We went to a new place where we put our children first. And that's why so many relationships are dysfunctional. Because you would think that the children would feel less love. They feel more love because they see secure love. And they have a model that can be done in the future, which most people don't have. So she had that experience.
Sage Robbins
I really did.
Tony Robbins
And that experience shapes so much at such a different level. But the other part is people think of a love relationship as, you know, just the romance and the excitement of the beginning of a relationship. And life is seasons. I mean, think about what changed humanity from living in fear as, you know, hunter gatherers, hoping we can get enough food to survive to being able to stay, build a family, have a life, build a community, build a city, build a country. The answer is one distinction, One recognition of a pattern. Because that's what this is all about. If you can recognize patterns, AI whatever it is, if you can learn to use them, you'll have no fear. Patterns show you that it's not random. When you learn how to use them, you have power. When you learn to create patterns, you become very powerful. So there's patterns in parenting, there's patterns in relationships. The pattern that changed humanity was understanding the seasons. Till we understood that we were always in fear because you could plant something, but three quarters of the time it didn't work.
Interviewer 1
Holy cow.
Tony Robbins
Until we came up with, oh, if I plant in the spring, not any other season, that's the only time. If I do the right thing at the right time, I get the reward. But if I do the right thing at the wrong time, which three quarters of the time was the wrong time, I get nothing. Once we understood that, okay, and then I gotta protect it during the summer. Then I get to reap in the fall, and I better hang on to some of that for the winter. That's why we're here, not living like survivalists. Right?
Interviewer 2
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Interviewer 1
That or eaten something. Cause some of you forget to eat.
Interviewer 2
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Interviewer 2
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Interviewer 1
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Interviewer 2
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Interviewer 2
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Interviewer 1
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Interviewer 2
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Tony Robbins
Think of your relationship as four seasons. Think of the first season is the season of just pure chemistry, pure romance, which you've read about and everything else where you don't even know the other person's values but you're in love with them because you got the chemistry for it, right? We all have that experience. But that's about a, a three to five year max for most people, right? After three to five years, some of that wears off. And by the way, when you're under the chemistry of something and you have the attraction going, everything your partner does is beautiful and wonderful. But when all of a sudden you get to the point where there'll be some clashes, oh, we have different ideas about parenting. Oh, we have different ideas about economics. Oh, then all of a sudden the chemistry can disappear a little bit. And that is the testing time. Most people that three to five, maybe seven years max season, if they don't get their needs met, they leave because they think, I'm in a relationship to get my needs met. The purpose of relationship is not a place to go get the purpose of relationship place you go give. And that's what lights you up. It's like when you first meet somebody, you're totally in love with them. What do you want to do? Give them everything. Giving them everything lights you up. Then after a while, people like, I'm not getting the same, they start measuring. It becomes a transaction. So if you get through that first season, the way you get through that first season is you start to have a reality check that, hey, this isn't just about me feeling Good. This is about something larger that we're creating together. If you do that, you'll make it to summer. Springtime's easy. Summer is a little more testy. Summer is now you've got two kids, two and three years old, and you're not sleeping at night, and I don't know what the hell you're doing. I'm up all night, or I'm up all night, and it's like, oh, we got the podcast to do. And like, oh, my God. Or the finances and the person who show up here. And then there's all these other things that enter your relationship where you start to see, oh, my God, we have different needs in different ways. And she's going to relate to your children two and three different than you are as a man. It's just. That's the nature of things. And she may not understand that at times, or vice versa. Right. So during that time, it becomes an exploration of, hey, I need to actually understand who I love here and begin to appreciate the differences instead of being frustrated by the differences, to know those differences have a higher purpose in our evolution together. Because usually you pick someone who you feel is just like you are, like how you want to be when you're in chemistry, but then you discover they aren't exactly like you because we're different species. And so you have to learn how to communicate and how to connect. If you make it through that stage, which is usually for most people, they don't. They don't get to that stage or leave that stage till mid-40s or 50s. Most people, because they have to live enough life, they have to go through these tests, these ups and downs. And sometimes there are things in the middle, like somebody dies or a family member dies, or you lose your job, or Covid comes real testing periods. If at those times you turn on each other, it's going to end. Now. Most people leave the romance. My needs aren't met. They leave within those three to five years, or they get married and leave. Most people then if they have they met there, they leave the next one. Because it's the toughest season. It's the summer season. If you make it through it, the transition is life's no longer about me, it's about we. Where all of a sudden it isn't. You just think about your needs, whether they met or not, or your children. It's like, this is what we're here for. We're here for a high purpose together. And now you enter a season we would call fall, where fall things Flow. It's just. It's a different level of love.
Sage Robbins
It's a love that's one of each other's happiness.
Interviewer 1
Yeah.
Sage Robbins
You know, I just. He wants my happiness. I want his happiness.
Interviewer 2
That. That's beautiful.
Sage Robbins
It's really. It's. It's so natural, and it's effortless because you get, I think, the gift of, you know, staying in a relationship for such a period of time and you enter into full and or fall and you go through these seasons is you get over yourself. You know, you get over yourself, you get over your conditioning, you get over your expectations, and it's just like, wow, I love this human. You know what I mean? Like, I. I like. I mean, how many years have you two been together now?
Tony Robbins
Seven years.
Interviewer 2
Seven years. Seven. Yeah.
Sage Robbins
Seven years. But how. How long before that?
Interviewer 1
So a decade this summer? Yeah, nine and a half. We're coming up on a decade.
Tony Robbins
Okay.
Sage Robbins
You're. You're heading you through that other side, entering into fall.
Tony Robbins
As you get in that season, though, the. The. The going through the tough times, which nobody wants to go through.
Sage Robbins
Yes.
Interviewer 2
Right.
Tony Robbins
Let me bring that back to the question you had, like, what do you. How do you help people?
Sage Robbins
Yeah.
Tony Robbins
The meaning of your life determines how you feel. The meaning is based on the narrative you've created. I can talk to somebody and ask them how they met. And we know where their relationship is by the way they tell their origin story. You can see whether there's ones rolling their eyes or they're both into it. Everything else, it's very easy to see where someone is in their life in that area. So the ultimate narrative is this. If you look at all the stories of humanity and you study mythology and religion. Right. As Joseph Campbell did, if you're familiar with his work, the oldest story of humanity is the hero's journey. So the hero's journey is understanding in a relationship, in a person's life, if they're feeling suicidal or they're feeling frustrated is the most important understanding. So think of it this way. What starts that journey is you have a normal, normal life. It seems pretty good or even seems great. And then something. They call it the call to adventure. Something happens that jolts you. Now, it doesn't sound like a call to venture. It sounds like extreme stress. It sounds like your home burned down.
Interviewer 1
Yeah.
Tony Robbins
Which happened to me 25 years ago here in California. I was here a year ago helping people because of what happened. Right. So your home burns down, or you're robbed, or somebody in your family gets diagnosed with a Tumor, or you do, Covid shuts down your business and you're like, this was my whole life. Or you lose your job, or someone in your family gets sick. All everyone on earth is going to go through extreme stress. I don't care how much you love God. I don't care how intelligent you are. I don't care how rich you are. No one escapes it. The question is, do you use stress or does stress use you? And one of the differences that will help you to do that is if you understand this hero's journey. Because if you're willing to keep going, I say you're going through hell. Keep going, you will get lessons, you will get experiences. You will do three things. If you keep going with extreme stress, you'll one, figure out how strong you really are together. Because that third season, problems happen, but it's all solved together, versus it's your fault or your fault or why didn't you do that? None of that stuff exists. You're completely unified. So even the tough times are beautiful. And the tough times bring you together much closer than just the good times. When things go well, people party. When things go poorly, people ponder. And it's out of the pondering, get the differences. So what does that hero's journey look like? Well, you push through. You're gonna find out how strong you are. Second, you're gonna find out who your real friends are, not your Facebook friends. Yeah. And thirdly, you'll get an immunity to future stress. Because when you've been through such intense stress, it's like, by contrast, things are easy. Now, that used to be hard. But that call to adventure looks like this. I'll use Dorothy. Wizard of Oz. Remember the story?
Sage Robbins
Oh, yeah.
Interviewer 2
We're theater kids.
Interviewer 1
We actually started dating while we were in a production of that show.
Tony Robbins
Are you serious? Well, we just saw it. We just saw it again at the. The Sphere in Las Vegas. Three dimensional. You have to go see it.
Interviewer 1
That's cool.
Tony Robbins
But just remind you, because the story, most people know, so it'll help you think about it. So the call to adventure is because she has a normal black and white life. Right. It's pretty good. Her big upset is, you know, her dog bit somebody, and the woman wants to take her dog away from her. She thinks that's the end of the world and life wants you to grow, so it doesn't care about your little petty stuff. It's time for it expand. So she resists it. She resists all the changes that have been put on. So life sends in a Hurricane, Right. A cyclone. And what does it do? It separates her from everything she knows. It looks like a death, rips her from her life, takes her to a different place. Now, when you get the different place, you have no choice, but you meet new people, new mentors, right? You have new experiences, and you go on a journey, and there's a point when you commit to that journey where there's no going back. And on that journey, you're going to have some traumas, you're going to have some challenges, you're going to have some trials and tribulations, and you're going to learn over time how to defeat the dragon or whatever it stopped you in her case, right? She meets the Tin Men. They all have their needs. She thinks she's going to help them go see the wizard of Oz. He's going to solve it, all, right? And they go on the journey, and what's happening? The Wicked Witch of the west is coming and trying to destroy them. And. And she goes there, and Oz won't help her remember all the stuff, but in the end, she becomes more. They all become more, right? The strong man realized he does have a brain. The Tin man does have the heart. Yes. I have courage. Courage doesn't mean I wasn't afraid. I went through all this with Dorothy and helped her, right? And Dorothy realized that it's all the powers inside of going home was always at my feet. And she comes home, and when she comes home, she's a different person. She's more. And because she's more, she has something to give. She's the hero of her own life. So my house burns down. I was sage, and I Both gave about $6 million to people here locally because I was here when I live here. But all these people that literally, they had 14 day passes to live in a hotel, like, what are we going to do? So we worked a bunch of organizations here, but the biggest thing is we had to give people a narrative. So I share with them. When my home burned down, it was before your pictures were in the cloud. Everything I existed of my life was gone, burned to the ground. But my family survived, which is all that matters. So I showed my family. That's what we're going to focus on. But then what happened? I moved. So I had to go to a new place where I met new people. I met some new mentors. I developed new skills. I went on a completely different path that changed my life. That I wouldn't be this woman without. And I became the hero of my own life by the way when you do that and come back, you have something to share. And then when you think it's all done, it starts again. You'll have another new challenge that comes, but in between you'll have a good time. And during that time you have good times. So. So the person that's wanted to commit suicide thinks this is the end. When it's actually a call to adventure. You're at the edge of being called to a different level. The two of you. You'll get to that third level. I really believe I can feel the conviction you have for each other. And there are times you'll question. That's called being human. But if you make it through that third level, you get to the final step later in life. And that is a level of love that is beyond describing. It is where you realize there is a limit to this thing called life. And so you treasure every moment at a different level. Right? It's different. Think about springtime. 0 to 21. You think you're invincible. Everything's great. 22 to 42, summertime. It's a frothy time for most people. It's the most difficult time in their life because you're trying to figure out who you are, who we are, who kids are, how we do it, all that stuff. Trying to prove yourself, trying to achieve something. If you work hard in those first two seasons, you'll make it to fall. You know, 44 to 64 is usually the greatest growth period of your life which where you can do things with your pinky that you couldn't do before working 20 hours a day. You have long term relationships. But 65 to 85 to 105 to 125, which is the oldest humans stage. I'm now in, I'm about to be 66. It's the best season of all. If you grew doing those are the seasons. Because now like you have so much to give and they're. You're not trying to prove yourself anyway. You know who the hell you are. You know you've lived it for 40 years, 50 years, 60 years. You have the loves of your life, you have the dear friends and business relationships and friendships for 40 or 50 years. Years, you can do more with a pinky than you did full time. So those seasons in a relationship, that season, final season is one of you is going to pass and it's where you don't want it to happen. It's those relationships you see that chokes me up that I could Mommy and daddy, right? Or like we have where at some point one's going to go and neither one wants to go. And oftentimes I remember I was with a gentleman, very famous gentleman, decades ago. He was in his 90s and he died. His wife died two days later. And I've seen that so many times, like, they don't. You don't want to be here anymore without them. You want to reunite and whatever. We think the next next level of this experience of life is, you know, next dimension of it. So I hope it'd be helpful to your listeners and for yourselves to think about. Each season has its own unique challenges, but the secret is to go from focused on self and whether, I mean, my needs to focus on we instead of the. And it's going from, do I get my needs met and control to contribution. It's from focus on self to focus on spirit. You know, those are the things that cause us to evolve as human beings.
Interviewer 2
Yeah, you talk about some of those, like, seasons of challenges, like in a marriage. And I imagine your journey to parenthood together was not at all what you would have written down as, like, idyllic or as like what you would have maybe hoped for early on before you had entered that stage. And we also just recently went through a second trimester loss. So a part of me relates to the part of your story so deeply about miscarriage. And I'm sure a lot of people listening have joined our podcast since sharing about our miscarriage that would also be really interested in talking about that season because you were in that season for a while.
Sage Robbins
Yes.
Interviewer 2
You said, like, almost 20 years. And we're in that season. And I know a lot of people listening are too. Like, I guess my first question about that is, how did that season of recurring miscarriage affect your marriage?
Sage Robbins
Oh, my gosh. Well, I suppose, you know, it's the context. It was our. It was humbling. It was, you know, the disappointments and the loss and also longing to be a mother. I'll tell you what happened for myself is it came from, I want to be a mother. And I got to the point where I actually didn't think that that was possible. And so there was so much surrender that I let it go. I let it go. And then I recognized that, gosh, this isn't just about me wanting to be a mother. I felt. I felt called. I felt called. And it came from a different place. It came from a different place and scarcity and fear. It wasn't about me. The first chapter, where it was most painful was like, I want to be A mom. I wanted to be a mother so bad. And then through, you know, miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage and I, you know, just, I surrendered that. I surrendered that. And I was like, okay, well, you know, our life path. And we were traveling. And we were traveling at that time, close to gosh, I mean, you know, around the world twice in a year on average, 265 days of the year. We were traveling on the road and with events. And then I was like, okay. And I recognized that mothering is a quality. It's love, it's nourishment. And so I started to focus on that. I started to focus on all the action aspects that I already was before I was a mother. And that was healing for me. That was healing for me and surrendering, you know, in my. I know. Mind what I wanted or what I felt my life should be. That was. That was my call to adventure. That was my call to adventure. And I'd never be who I am without that path. I'd never be the mother I am without that path. It so schooled me and it taught me so much. And faith, you know, like a deeper level of faith. And we went through. Then I started. A friend of mine was going through ivf and she introduced me. We would never have our daughter if it wasn't for her. Heidi and I, you know, we went through cycle after cycle after cycle.
Tony Robbins
Seven years, seven years, two to three times a year. I'm holding her hand in every one of these surgeries. And I mean, it was, it was brutal.
Sage Robbins
And then the conflict became. He didn't want me to do it anymore because he was worried about my health.
Interviewer 1
Oh my goodness.
Sage Robbins
About my well being. And yet I so wanted to. I was like, I just, I felt it in me. I really, at that point, I was like, I. I really felt that it was going to happen. And I think through creativity, I think for love. Through love. And I think who's ever. For your listeners that are out there and on that path, it's just something to hold dear to your heart and it's something to surrender and to trust in a divine intelligence larger than ourselves. And sometimes, like, I don't know, life begins every moment, you know, And I think that that's what it really schooled me is sometimes it's like a moment in time or something painful. It's that moment. It's not going to be forever, you know, it's not going to be forever. Life keeps evolving and life keeps. You keep growing. And we lived.
Tony Robbins
You became a mama to Everybody around you.
Sage Robbins
You know, I think that was what it really schooled me, is that, like, mother energy. It's love. It's our nature to nourish, to care for life. And I really expanded that in me because before, as a younger woman, I was wanting, like, I was trying to control it, and I was tightening because. And I was. I was disappointed and I was frustrated and I was sad, and I was going through that cycle of my own disappointments. And at that stage, I wasn't feeling fulfilled in life itself because I was closed rather than opening to what life was offering me in the. In the moment, which my life was blessed. And at times, I miss that. I miss that because I was so focused on what life wasn't giving me.
Interviewer 2
Yeah. So what piece of advice would you give to a woman who is in that place right now, feels like they're waiting for this stage and something's supposed to happen that's not happening? Yes.
Sage Robbins
Well, I can only share. I mean, it sounds trite to say that, you know, to have faith and to trust in life's process, but that's really what really schooled me is I, you know, I fell in love with what is. I fell in love with life. I fell in love with our life and found such enrichment. You know, you're a mama, you know, you have beautiful children, and. And my mind was, at a certain stage, so focused on what wasn't happening that I thought should happen. And, you know, Byron, Katie, who's a very dear friend of ours, she always says, you know, you don't have to accept what is, but life is just kinder and saner when we do. It's kinder and saner when we do.
Tony Robbins
I think it's also remembering that there's another way. You know, in my first marriage, I, you know, three of my kids were adopted, you know, adopted into my life. There was no difference between them and my blood child in terms of my love for them whatsoever. And so that still becomes another option. But maybe you can share the miracle.
Sage Robbins
That would happen for us, and that's just, once again, through creativity and love and God's grace, we had a surrogate that ended up being the mother of our child. And through such a level of friendship and such a level of creativity and such a level of willingness, I think that's just what's so beautiful. And to really look 100ft above because we miss when we're in our pain. I'll speak for myself. When I was in my pain or in what I thought life should be, I missed. I missed the miracle that was already here right in front of me. And also just trust in, you know, it was a divine orchestration. You. And I woke up, my body's being breathed, your body's being breathed. That's a miracle. Like that's a frickin miracle. And we miss that miracle. We miss that miracle. But there's a divine wisdom inside of our bodies that's literally breathing our existence that blows my mind. And so trust in that. Trust in that. Because after all these years, I never imagined I'd be 47 years old having a baby. And I'm so grateful and it was so worth the wait.
Tony Robbins
And the piece also, that's part of this is even when we decided we've been through IVF and everything else and then our life was so full. She's like, where does the baby fit here? And I said, honey, it'll fit. But she just couldn't imagine it because our life was insanely full. Still is. But what was interesting was, and then who do you trust to carry your baby like some stranger is going to, you know what's happening? And there was someone in our life that lived with us for 12 years and was our right arm for everything. And we both love his dear friend traveling to earth with us. And she had it happen. Yes.
Sage Robbins
Well, you know, it was a happening, it was an unfoldment. I never asked her. She never.
Tony Robbins
One of our other staff members, right?
Sage Robbins
Yes. A very dear friend of ours, Katie, she said, I see it, I can feel it. This is destiny. And so, you know, sometimes like the unexpectedness of a mirror outside of ourselves can show us the way or show us a broader vision than what my own mind could perceive.
Interviewer 1
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Interviewer 1
She came to you and said, I want to do this for you guys. Is that how it happened?
Sage Robbins
You know, it was a very dear friend of ours.
Tony Robbins
It was a staff member who said I see this. Oh my goodness.
Sage Robbins
A very dear friend of ours, a sister who's just an amazing woman. She was just so passionate. And so yeah, it's just one of those.
Tony Robbins
Just evolved out of a conversation. And at first it was what. But if it wasn't like a stranger, this is somebody that we love. We've traveled the earth with dear, dear friend. 12 years. Years. Right. So 10 years. But was amazing. Her name's Mary. And what's so amazing was then, you know, we tried and it didn't work. And then.
Sage Robbins
So you began that journey all over again even with her tried again and it didn't work or it didn't happen. And so.
Tony Robbins
But then. Then covet hit. Yes. And the COVID hit was interesting thing is all of a sudden we were not traveling. I was used to stadiums. All the stadiums are saying you put 100 people on a stadium. 15, 000 people. So I built this studio and we found a way to reach people from this digital studio around the world. And we instead of. We had 50,000 people and then a million people in event for multiple days. It's like so we could be home. And so she had a different. She goes my instincts are we. We try it again.
Sage Robbins
I woke up one morning and it wasn't like let's do it. I woke up one morning and I just felt like my soul knew. I. I knew like it was one of the most certain clear things that I knew to be and I knew that it was going to. That we were going to be. Be parents. And this was so. This is so. And also, you know, just iteration and trying. You know, we had a particular doctor that we were working with and somebody introduced us to an amazing organization in Colorado and just impeccable these amazing and honestly, she wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. So, you know, just not giving up. Not giving up on your dream, not giving up on and what's possible. Not closing the door. And I think that's probably the biggest lesson that that schooled me is just, you know, life's timing has a rhythm and has its seasons as Tony just shared and trust in something larger than yourself and also along the path appreciate and fall in love with what is because there's miracles and love all around us. And I think and enjoy that. That you know, enjoy that and you.
Tony Robbins
Know, the Mary who's carried our baby, when she was coming to there, then there was the uncertainty of is she ever going to see this child again? And she's carried him and she's been family and friends and everything else. And Sage and I, our hearts were open and we talked about it and thought about it a lot and said, you know, I'm, you know, much older. You know, Sage is, you know, 13 years younger than me, and Mary's another 10 years younger. It's like if something happened to our child, we want her to be able to be to the hospital. And once something happened, everything else, sometimes.
Sage Robbins
Many times, often we're traveling, you know, to go to an event.
Tony Robbins
But as a result of that, what's happened is the state of Florida. I said, you know, I want her to feel if you do, honey, like she's part of this. In the state of Florida allows you to have three parents.
Interviewer 2
Wow.
Tony Robbins
So we literally went before a judge during COVID and the lawyers told us, first of all, they spend six months interviewing everybody know, deep psychological research. Who are you? It's the most intense piece, which I'm glad they do.
Sage Robbins
They do that on the path of surrogacy, whatever that looks like.
Tony Robbins
But in this, in this particular case, and it wasn't just surrogacy, was for this situation. And the, the judge, the lawyer told us now the judge, he's not gonna make a decision. She's not gonna make a decision today. It's usually he'll tell you two, three weeks afterwards. And it was during COVID So we saw the judge on screen came on and we're holding our little one and three of us are there. And the woman judge came on and she looked at us and there was this pause and she looked again. She dropped her glasses down, she looked and then she smiled.
Sage Robbins
She's a cool lady.
Tony Robbins
You know, Mary was really worried. It was like, what's going to happen? Is this going to prove or not? And everything else. And there was a certain amount. And she goes, I don't ever say this, but this is already a family. She goes, I feel you.
Sage Robbins
I can feel your love.
Interviewer 1
That is beautiful.
Tony Robbins
Yeah, for each other, for your little one. This is beautiful. This is a family. I'm going to tell you, I've got some questions and things that you do with it. But she goes, I'm just telling you right now, I'm going to prove. Prove this. It was wild. It was God given. So. So our daughter has two moms. She has her, you know, mom carried Her. She got her mom here that loves her and she comes from her and she's got me. And so. And that's. And so she. Yeah, I got two moms and one daddy.
Interviewer 1
And Mary's with your daughter right now while you guys are here doing press in la.
Tony Robbins
That's right.
Interviewer 1
Okay, that's so cool.
Tony Robbins
We don't want to drag her out at this time. It's a short trip back and forth for her body. Right, right. She does come with us most of the time on Pieces, but. But then Mary's with her or we switch off each other.
Interviewer 1
And whose idea was the three parents thing? Like, that's, that's really.
Tony Robbins
That's really in between the two of us just brainstorming. And then we found out that there was a way to do it legally, you know, but also it's like wanted her to be able to go to the hospital to have. Have authority and make something happen is where it started with. But also then, you know, so we have this unique family, these modern families that are come together and we all love each other and support each other in every way you possibly can.
Sage Robbins
And I never imagined that. I think also part of that possibility was my parents own journey and us growing up in a home that had the diversity of foster children. And, you know, these children would come into our homes and my parents would say, this is your brother and sister. You shared your room, you shared your toys, you shared your life with them. And I had no clue of the impact of that and the mirror of that and the model of that to love beyond the unit as chosen family. You know, it's an expanding the view of family. And my parents really were such an amazing. You know, we were raised with different ethnicities in our home and it really was such a rich environment growing up. And I see that fortuitousness of life coming full circle now that we have.
Interviewer 2
A chosen family that's so powerful. Oh, go ahead.
Interviewer 1
You go ahead.
Interviewer 2
I was gonna say too, something that stood out that you said earlier, talking about when you guys first. First met. You said it felt like coming home.
Sage Robbins
Yes.
Interviewer 2
And that is so beautiful. And it just really stuck out to me. And it kind of sparks the question in my mind of like, is this love at first sight that you guys experience or do you describe it as something different?
Tony Robbins
There was a spiritual connection at first presence because, you know, I'm tall and hairy and she used to date small guys that weren't hairy. And my view of what a woman would be didn't match what she was even the most beautiful woman in the world. But then I could you have your. Your whatever your conditioning has been, right? And so mine was small and dark and not blonde hair and all these weird things. And so I didn't. The connection was so, so, so bizarre.
Sage Robbins
But you know what I mean.
Tony Robbins
No, but I mean, different weird because I look up the beauty that I have beside me. But then what happens is, you know, you fall in love, and then all that stuff changes. None of that stuff matters anymore. And we were friends first, which is what I really encourage people to do. We're best friends first. And so it's like sometimes people have, like, a peak experience of their intimate and then where they go from there. But our relationship was built on such a deep foundation that we could have everything. And then when the. The intimacy were turned on as well, it just went through the roof, you know, so it's there. So I don't know. I would say it's first recognition.
Sage Robbins
Recognition.
Tony Robbins
You know, it was like more than.
Sage Robbins
A recognition, more than attraction in the beginning.
Interviewer 1
First of all, it's so unique, the way that you parent together with. With your surrogate and how you legally are a family together. That is. That is really, really neat, honestly. Yeah.
Tony Robbins
Yeah. Yes. But there's mom and Mama right here. Mom and Mama. And there'. Daddy. Right. You know, and she has those experiences.
Sage Robbins
Yeah.
Interviewer 2
How does your daughter, like, call you?
Sage Robbins
Well, my daughter calls me Mom. Okay, mom and Mama. And, you know, I think it's interesting. It's been an unfolding. Like, it wasn't something that we decided upon. It's something she decided. She calls her mommy. He's Daddy. And I think, you know, like, we all have different qualities of an expression. And my mom and dad used to always say, honey, Vani Pearl, you're a product of love. That's what he'd always say to me. And I didn't really understand. And now I see our daughter, I'm like, wow, she's a product of love, and she's surrounded by love. That's really all.
Tony Robbins
She's a loving soul. I mean, she's got such a loving heart. It's ridiculous. She's all heart. You know, when she meets somebody and hugs them, loves on them, she's conscious about who somebody is. She's very energetic. But when she gets who they are, like, she has a best friend she's known since she was, what, probably four months.
Sage Robbins
Four months old.
Interviewer 2
Yeah.
Tony Robbins
And I'm like, this is like a love affair between the two of them.
Sage Robbins
They just adore whether she she's like, I love you like my sister. They just adore one another.
Tony Robbins
Yeah.
Interviewer 1
I saw a social media clip. I wanted to congratulate you because in the clip you were talking about how recently you became a millionaire. I mean, a billionaire. I apologize. Billionaire. And I was thinking, it must be hard to have that much success and not, like, spoil the crap out of your kids because you probably love the heck out of her. And then you. You have all these resources, like, how do you. You know, you had a rough upbringing, but now your daughter, from what it sounds like, is having a pretty awesome upbringing. But the rough upbringing you had made you the man you are today.
Tony Robbins
True.
Interviewer 1
So how do you approach that with your daughter?
Tony Robbins
I think you got to decide what we together as parents, decide what's the most important thing. And to me and to Sage, the most important thing is that. That she realizes that life is not here for her to get. Life's for her to give something to give. I believe that the people that are the happiest humans, the people that found something they care about more than themselves to serve. We have a mission besides our love affair of who we are, we have a love affair of serving our daughter, our family, the world. And so getting her to understand that and be connected to that and understanding her sense of responsibility. And Sage is incredible at talking to her like she's an adult and saying, this is what we're doing. This is why we're doing it, honey. And she's super warm, super connected, but she understands everything's a choice. And we make sure that, you know, you don't want to do that, then no problem. Then mom doesn't have to let you have this party time or this other time. Everything is a choice where she makes the choice. So she has autonomy. And she makes decisions at four and a half years old that are really unique.
Sage Robbins
And she has.
Tony Robbins
Excuse me, but then you have to be aware of just the level of abundance is insane. Right? I, you know, we stayed at this house, which is 35,000 square feet. We live in a 25,000 square foot home. And my daughter actually said to me one day, because we stayed here for two weeks, she goes, daddy, how come we don't live in a big house? Oh, my goodness. But the grounding is in her heart and her soul. The grounding is her sense of service. Her grounding is her sense of responsibility. And I give an unbelievable credit to Sage in this area because she is. Has all over this at a level, you know, I do it too. But she's really all over it. Making sure that our daughter is grounded.
Sage Robbins
And that groundedness is. I really believe that we're all here to be useful humans. There's enough useless humans on the. And I'll tell her that. I'm like, honey, this world doesn't need another useless human. I'm like, we're meant to be useful. And so she's four years old. She makes her bed. She takes the laundry out. She sets her table. She clears the table. The other day, it was cute because she was clearing the plate and the garbage, and she was like, mom, it's stinky. And I said, well, mom does that. I clear the plate. I said, it doesn't smell good. I said, if I do it, you can do it. You do it. You know, I think that's reality. And so I think sometimes we come from. We've overcorrected. You know, we've overcorrected as a society that kind of the helicopter parent of wanting to protect and, you know, not cause. Friend every moment. Yes. Or cause our children to contribute to life. And so I'm very aware of that. Very aware of that. And also just the notion of, you know, we. Whatever toys she has, if she's not using them, we know, we go and bless other people's life. And so that. That blessedness and that fortuitousness and. But, you know, I'm. It's something that I'm conscious of every day and keeping her grounded in a really big world. But I think the principles of that that, you know, I. My parents taught me to work. It wasn't so much about education. My father had a grade six education. My mother had a grade ten education, and. But they taught me to work. They taught me to be very useful. And I'm grateful for that humble upbringing because it really schooled me. And I. I can see that very much bestowed upon our daughters.
Tony Robbins
You know, your kids don't do what you say. They watch what you do.
Sage Robbins
They really do.
Tony Robbins
And this lady here and I both have a level of work ethic that most people would never dream of. I'm not exaggerating that I. I've tried to hurt, not heard work like that, but that's like calling potting kettle black. Right? So we both do that. But she sees that, she experienced that. And we explained to her why we're doing it. It's like, well, why do we got to do that? I was like, we're here to serve, honey. You know, this is what we do. You know, you live in this environment because of our service. Of two people. And so she's. Even though she's four and a half, she's already begun to understand those elements and those dynamics. And then it's just keep it grounded. Right.
Interviewer 1
How do you guys manage work, life balance? How do you also manage working together, too? Because that's not easy. Being married and working with your spouse.
Tony Robbins
That'S the easiest part is at this stage.
Sage Robbins
It's the easiest part at the beginning. You know, we found our way. But it's a joy to work together, I think, as well. Like, I'm sure, like, the two of you, you know, you have different gifts. We have different gifts. And I'm not who he is. He's not who I am. And I think when you recognize that, you know, and you both. We look at it as, like, currency.
Tony Robbins
Yeah.
Sage Robbins
You know, like, it's like he has his puzzle piece, I have my puzzle piece. And you come together and.
Tony Robbins
And we respect and love each other. Puzzle piece, you know, that's there, you know, different. Different elements, and we have different kind of division of responsibility to a certain extent that we didn't just put in stone. It evolved. And it's just clear that each of us have different gifts in each area, and we prosper in that way to support each other and support the family. But I can't imagine that working my wife because it's the most. Most enjoyable human I could be with. So why wouldn't I want to be with her 24 hours a day when I want to tear eyes out? We've had those moments.
Sage Robbins
Totally.
Interviewer 1
What's an example of one of those moments?
Sage Robbins
I remember one time, early. Early on, we used to do qvc, and it was before, like, iPads or iPhones or something. And I was, like, packing up, and we were, like, heading. I don't know, we were going somewhere, and he came in, and he was really passionate, looking for. He used to have this black RPM journal, his black journal. He always wrote. And he was like, where's my black journal? And I'm like, what on earth? Like, you show me where my panties are, I'll show you where your black journal is. What the heck? But we would. You know what I mean? You grow up, and you also laugh, and you laugh. Like, we really. I actually cracked him up at that moment. But, you know, you. You love one another, and you break the pattern. You break the pattern, but you have your moments. Of course, you drive each other crazy.
Tony Robbins
That's like.
Sage Robbins
You know what I mean? But you get over that.
Interviewer 1
Was that hard?
Tony Robbins
As time goes by, the Things that used to drive you crazy, you start.
Sage Robbins
To start to appreciate. Yes, completely.
Interviewer 1
Was it also hard coming from previous relationships and then like learning to then live together and learning to navigate your relationship?
Tony Robbins
No, I think there just. There was so much love there, I don't think. I think the biggest challenge was Sage came from a very small, tight community. She never traveled anywhere. She had extreme motion sickness, which I didn't know. And then next thing you know, I'm Mr. Motion. She's on a plane to train, a helicopter every day, and she was throwing up on the way up on the way.
Interviewer 1
Oh, gosh.
Tony Robbins
Nine years of that, taking her every doctor, every healer, every, everything, and finally got healed. But that was probably the most stressful part of our life because I was feeling like, is God making me? I'm gonna pick my mission or pick me with my wife. I want to be with her. And she wanted to, thank God, wanted to be with me. She was incredibly terrible during those times, but it was painful.
Sage Robbins
I was young.
Interviewer 2
How did you feel that?
Sage Robbins
Oh, my word. You know, that's a long story, but of loads of grace and, and once again, not giving up and, you know, trying different things. But at this stage, you know, I. I travel very differently. But I think also, I think, you know, Tony mentioned something earlier, like the differences, like we have so many things that complement. But Tony has much more external energy, I have more internal energy. But, you know, I think we come together to mirror, you know, like I've claimed so much more of him, he's claimed so much more of me. I think that's the real purpose of love and relationship. It's like discovering our different parts in one another. And I think we're mirroring and reflecting our different parts. And it's like you start to, I'm sure because of the two of your relationship and the container of your relationship, you've grown because of him, you've grown because of her. And we've, we've experienced that. And I think that's the beauty of love.
Tony Robbins
I think that's the thing. I also think in a relationship, oftentimes you're attracted to someone because they have qualities that you're attracted to.
Sage Robbins
You think are different than you.
Tony Robbins
Yes, but they're actually part of you. You've been just disidentified with them because early in your life you're shaped by whoever's love you want most. So your brand new baby, you're open to anything, right? But then you learn I gotta be a certain way to be loved. I have to be Quiet. Or I have to be successful or I have to never give up or after. And so whoever's the greatest source of love. Meaning I'm sure you love both your parents, but whose parent? Which one of your parents did you crave the love of most? Abby.
Interviewer 2
We had this conversation last night researching yourself. And. And I think we had different answers. I was saying my dad probably, and you said your mom.
Interviewer 1
I think it's my mom.
Tony Robbins
Yeah. And so who did you have to be for your mom?
Interviewer 1
Oh, gosh. Okay.
Tony Robbins
I just gotta listen to say it on top of your head.
Interviewer 1
Okay. I just had to be. I had to be perfect. I had to like perform. I had to be. Like there was high expectations, you know, like I didn't want to F it up.
Tony Robbins
Yes. And who could you never be?
Interviewer 1
Oh gosh, I'm scared. I guess it was hard to be that person. You know?
Tony Robbins
Know. That's right. But are those a big part of you still today? Do you still strive in those areas?
Interviewer 1
Yeah.
Tony Robbins
Yeah. Because it created your model of the world. And for you, with your dad, who did you have to be for your dad?
Interviewer 2
I think I had to be strong.
Tony Robbins
Okay, what else did you have to be?
Interviewer 2
I haven't thought about this.
Tony Robbins
Just off the top here. I try not to filter. Just like first gut reaction. I had to be strong. I had to be.
Interviewer 2
Had to be successful. Like the best.
Tony Robbins
Yes. And so look, two people have to be the best, come together. And by the way, do you still.
Interviewer 2
Have those drives sometimes?
Tony Robbins
Yes. The answer is yes. Right. So as you evolve though, what. What starts to happen in a relationship is you both have qualities in each other that are different. So like let's say, for example, I'm making up. It's not the two of you. Let's say somebody is really. They powers, they step in and they take charge and they make shit happen. And the other partner goes, wow, that's inspiring to see them do that, like take over room. Make it happen. Right. Why do they like that? That part exists in them, but it's disidentified with. Because it wasn't in alignment with. With the model of the world that their parents wanted them to be. But you're unconsciously moved towards it. Like why do you certain. Like certain people, unconsciously you want more of that. So in a relationship you feel that attraction. But the same things you ever had seen this in a previous relationship, the same things that you really liked in the relationship after a while piss you off. Like, why does he always have to take the room? Why can't he shut the hell up. Why is he always loud? Or why is she always thinking this? The very things you like and the very reason you don't like them anymore is because you've never claimed them for yourself. So now what used to be something you liked and unconsciously you liked in them because it was a call for you to find that part of yourself. If you don't find that part of yourself now, you start to despise it. And that's where a lot of relationships end.
Sage Robbins
Do you mean when you used to think that I was quiet? That's what you need to claim. Okay, that hasn't happened yet.
Interviewer 2
He used to think I was quiet too.
Sage Robbins
He was reminding. He was working on that.
Interviewer 2
I think think of spontaneity. I feel like a lot of people are, like, attracted to spontaneity. Like, when you're dating, you're like, this is so fun and exciting. And then you're married, you're like, why can't you just get a calendar and, like, put it on there?
Interviewer 1
We moved from Missouri to Hawaii after a year. No, a six. Was it? Six months of being together. A year and a half together. We moved that. Because I'm spontaneous. I'm spontaneous. I was like, let's get out of here. I'm sick of these corn fields. Let's go somewhere cool.
Interviewer 2
And that was really fun. And so I was in Hawaii. I was like, why didn't we think this through? So I totally relate to that.
Tony Robbins
But there's some part of spontaneity that's in you that is not fully developed. And if you don't appreciate and develop more in yourself in the future, you can be annoyed by his spontaneity.
Interviewer 2
Okay.
Interviewer 1
And I admire Abby's confidence.
Tony Robbins
She.
Interviewer 1
She is, like, so sure of herself.
Tony Robbins
She.
Interviewer 1
She does tr. Like, she truly does not care what other people think. Like, we've had this conversation before where if someone, like, if I'm meeting new people, I want them to like me. I want everyone to like me. I. I don't know why. I don't know if it has something to do with us being entertainers and having an entertainer background, but, like, with her, she truly will think about. If someone doesn't like vibe. Well, she thinks it's something wrong with them, not with her.
Interviewer 2
This is such an interesting reason.
Interviewer 1
No, I wish I was that way. Like, I don't know.
Tony Robbins
But by the way. So you. At this stage of your life, you appreciate that?
Interviewer 1
Yeah.
Tony Robbins
At some point, you're gonna have to find that inside yourself or you'll resent presented in her.
Interviewer 2
Gosh. How do you find that inside yourself?
Tony Robbins
Well, let's take. What's the quality. What's the quality in him that you've been attracted to?
Interviewer 2
Spontaneous.
Tony Robbins
Okay, great. So where are you spontaneous?
Interviewer 2
I feel like I lost a lot of it, but.
Tony Robbins
Well, with two children, everything else, it starts to feel that way. So. But. But let me ask this question. Where could you be more spontaneous? Where it would bring more joy to your life or more love or more fun?
Interviewer 2
I feel like we could be more spontaneous with date nights. Nice.
Tony Robbins
That's nice.
Interviewer 2
Yeah.
Tony Robbins
So if you initiate those and you are the initiator of them now, you may want him to do it as well and understand that. But if you initiate those and you do it because you want to, because you're identifying, hey, I am spontaneous, then you actually will feel more attracted to him.
Interviewer 2
Okay?
Tony Robbins
Yes. And then if he looks at those qualities in you and he takes more of those on and starts saying, yeah, that's in there. Don't tell myself it's not in there. Just because I haven't expressed it. Just because I've always, always try to please everybody. And part of it is, you know, you're. Would you say your third. You're 27. 27.
Interviewer 1
We're both 27 years old.
Tony Robbins
This is not being disrespectful. I hope you can feel my stick.
Sage Robbins
Yeah.
Tony Robbins
Yeah. When I was 27, I thought I was a man. You're not a man till you're about 40. Just so you know.
Sage Robbins
Maybe 50.
Tony Robbins
Maybe 50.
Sage Robbins
60. Keeps getting better. Like wine.
Tony Robbins
Truly, what I mean by that is your ownership of yourself will increase as you confront difficult times and difficult situations, including the ones together. Right. Where you don't retreat, where you still find the way to move forward, where you find a way to serve something more than yourself. That's what it means to be a man. A man would die for his country, for his family, for his children. Right. Without hesitancy. That quality of a man. Not, I'm here to get what I want. If I don't get it, I'm a pissy or I'm sad or I feel sorry for myself or I'm mad at you. It's like graduating that place where you begin to realize life is a big. About what I'm here to bring.
Interviewer 1
Yeah.
Tony Robbins
And the more that happens for you, and part of that. And it's not being disrespectful in any way. I'm sure you can feel where I'm coming from. It Just, it takes time. It's like, it's a. It's an experience that you need to uncover. You just don't have those experiences yet. But life's going to give them to you because you're going to get calls, right? The call to adventure won't feel like adventure, but if you don't hesitate and you go on it and you immerse yourself and you learn those new skills and you slay your own dragons, you'll be the hero at a different level. And then you'll have more to give her, more to give you, your. Your kids. When you said, you know, I, I stick around for my kids, I wouldn't feel very good to her, that wasn't. That was being honest. But at the same time, what is that I want her to know? He's only saying that because he's 27 years old and because there are times when feels uncertain with your confidence and certainty that he's enough. And so underneath that, he's always enough for these kids because they can't say squat. Two and three years old old. And they're not going to leave me. Like I said, because you've never had teenagers. So it's not that he loves you less, it's. There's an unconscious fear in everybody that maybe I'm not enough. The deepest fear everyone has. Everyone I've dealt with. Kings, queens, presence, countries, people in prisons, every level. You imagine we all have a fear that we're not enough at some point for those we love most. Not funny enough, not smart enough, not strong enough, not rich enough, not intelligent enough, not something enough. And that leads to a much deeper fear, which is if I'm not enough, I won't be loved. And love is the oxygen of life. So what most of us do, this is the thing you've got to be careful of, both of you, is a trap. Is we go to love. That is certain love. Certain love is our children. That's why people go to their kids and they sublimate and they cost their own relationship, right? As opposed to uncertain love, which actually creates passion, because there's no passion in what's absolutely certain. All passion is found in the realm of uncertainty, surprise, those elements, right? So as you both grow, it isn't him. Because if I was in your shoes as a woman, I'd be thinking, yeah, great, he loves my kids. Deal with me. What kind of thing to say, right? But what he's really saying is, I'm uncertain about you for him, not him for you. And that will grow as you both go through things together and come closer together versus further apart. Apart. And then there'll be a point where there'll be no question that it's you.
Sage Robbins
Wow.
Tony Robbins
Right. And that he'll grow into that. And you can also grow into that. I don't know where your head's at in those areas. But you're gonna have places at times, even though you have that certainty he's talking about. There'll be places where you don't have that certainty at some point or your biochemistry won't allow you to have that certainty. Right. You're going through things that no man will ever understand. What she goes through in a 30 day period. You would never understand the biochemical storms through, much less having children. Way too. All those pieces.
Sage Robbins
I'm scared way too. My mom. Oh, no. Life only gets better. Even with all of it. Life only gets better with age.
Interviewer 2
Well, we just got helpful individual marriage counseling.
Interviewer 1
That's really good. I love the counseling session. That was helpful.
Tony Robbins
That was good.
Interviewer 2
That was really, really good. I'm gonna think about that for a long time. Like, the thought of, like, you start to dislike the thing that once attracted you because you have lost touch with that and yourself.
Tony Robbins
That's right. Or you haven't grown that.
Interviewer 2
Never thought about that.
Tony Robbins
Yeah. I see the pattern so often. I can't tell you.
Interviewer 2
Both of you individually, like, apart from each other, both said when we were talking about marriage and love, it gets better. You both said the same thing not knowing that each other has said the same thing. And I think that is so refreshing because we are just like just now leaving that, like, newlywed stage where especially because we got married so young and we were high school sweethearts, so many people that had been married many more years than us were like, just wait. Like, I know it's all rainbows and butterflies now, but just wait. And I think that they had good intentions saying, like, you know, life is gonna get harder for you. And therefore marriage, like everything else just gets a little bit harder.
Tony Robbins
It will get harder in places, but it'll also get better. And then it won't be harder.
Interviewer 2
Right, right.
Tony Robbins
But you have to grow through it.
Sage Robbins
You grow through it and you come up with like. I remember we were going through. Well, we were, you know, we just miscarried and we were going through a lawsuit and we were both so stressed and we were speaking in a way that was unlike ourselves. And I was being harsh and intense and it felt like that from him. And we had a moment. We were in the kitchen Remember we were living in the desert and I said to him, I'm like, honey, like, I love you way too much to speak this way. And that moment really, like it was a pattern interrupt. And we. From that point, it's like you catch yourself. You catch yourself in the middle of the madness and it's just, just. And say, I'm sorry. It's like, honey, I, I see myself. I'm behaving so ridiculous. I think if I was to say one thing, that why we are here is we both take responsibility. And I think, you know, the old way is you said this, you did that, you know, you big jerk, or whatever, both ways. And so it's the external blame or the external demonization. Relationships really change when it's like, it's me, it's me.
Tony Robbins
And he's the only argument you have, no, it's my fault.
Sage Robbins
No, it's my fault. And we take responsibility.
Tony Robbins
That's a good.
Sage Robbins
And there's such freedom in that, you know, like, there's such freedom. And just like, I love you and I'm sorry. And I see how I was just being versus you did this. It's like I, I. And I think at this stage of our life, that's the greatest freedom. And just the other day, you know, I walked out of the room and I saw myself in my mind's eye and I'm like, well, that was a little dramatic. And so I walked back in and I'm like, honey, I'm sorry. I just, you know, I was feeling, feeling stressed and I was overwhelmed and I was so short in the moment. And there's such freedom in just saying I'm sorry and beginning again. Like, it's just because the life gives you the moment.
Tony Robbins
And I look at nc, but she's going through with her mom, which is going through every day, you know, and running our businesses, running what's going on. Like, how could she not feel that way? Right? So I don't take it personal at this stage of my life. I did it at earlier stage.
Sage Robbins
Absolutely.
Tony Robbins
No question I did. Yes, but what? Part of what we're here to do is to help you shorten the cycle of learning so you can have less pain and more pleasure and more joy and more happiness and more fulfillment.
Sage Robbins
Taking responsibility is freedom.
Tony Robbins
It's huge. And the other part is we're really good at. Most people don't know how to ask for what they really need, and we have a simple code. It's like, honey, this would be meaningful to me if, you know, if you do this. It would really be meaningful. And either one of us here, it's meaningful. From the other one, it's done. There's no discussion. We just do it because we love each other, because we want the other one to be happy. So meaningful is a code word that there's so many things that happen in life you might be talking about or asking for or making happen, but when we say that, we both zero in and say, okay, we get it. We've even taught it to our daughter.
Interviewer 2
And he would.
Sage Robbins
Tony was just going to not football baseball game up in Canada. World Series for the World Series.
Tony Robbins
Seventh came with the World Series with the Dodgers owing a piece of pretty big owner. He was going to this baseball game.
Interviewer 2
In Canada T ball something.
Sage Robbins
But life was full at the time. And he asked me if I wanted to go. And I didn't want to go. I just wanted to stay home. I wanted to be out in my pajamas. I wanted to have a bath, I wanted to read a book. And so I said to him, I was like, honey, like, look, I'm game. Like, if you want me to go, if it's meaningful, I'll go. And he was like, no, honey. He's like, no, not a problem at all. But like that clarification because that's what.
Tony Robbins
It meant to her. A baseball game in Canada. Not the seventh kid of the World Series and team you in a few seconds. So why would I make. She has a different meaning than I do, but why would I make her go do that? So it's just I want to be with her, but I can pop up for the game and come back with my friends and make it happen. So wow.
Sage Robbins
In my mind I was like, is there good hot dogs? If there was like a great hot dog.
Tony Robbins
This woman is always hungry. She, her daughter knows it. It's like she's always counseling her. Don't eat all that, Mom.
Interviewer 1
Hey, owning part of the LA Dodgers. Do you at least get free hot dogs when you go? Is that part of the part you.
Tony Robbins
Get free hot dogs?
Interviewer 1
Okay, that's good.
Tony Robbins
That's good.
Interviewer 1
Maybe a good seat too.
Tony Robbins
I don't know.
Interviewer 2
Well, we want to be really respectful of yours time, but I just can't say what an honor it was to get to sit down and have a conversation.
Sage Robbins
It's been such a gift to be with the two of you.
Interviewer 1
And I know you have a free seminar coming up very soon.
Tony Robbins
Yes.
Interviewer 1
Time to rise. Can you tell us a little bit more about that?
Tony Robbins
Yeah, just real quick. We started it during COVID because everybody was stuck in their homes. And I was like, you know, we have, you know, 121 businesses, companies, different companies. So it wasn't a business thing. It's like, this is our mission. How do we help people?
Interviewer 1
Yeah.
Tony Robbins
I was like, okay, they're stuck at home. How do we help them not travel and spend no money whatsoever and help them? And I said, well, let's do a seminar. But, you know, two, three hours would be a great seminar. It's like, let's do three days, two, three hours a day. They don't have to leave their house or they're at their work. They can experience. It's like going to a movie, but the movie changes your life. And we're going to show them how to increase their energy, figure out what's going on in the relationship, figure out how to shift what they're doing in their business and make these changes. And they're part of a community. Community. We've had on average a million people each year do this. We only do it once a year.
Interviewer 1
Oh, my goodness.
Tony Robbins
And. And it's free. It's totally free. So it's coming up January 29th through the 31st. And so it's like two o' clock in the afternoon. And we have people from 193 countries that participate. And then we have a Facebook group. So you'd be part of this community of people making all these cool changes. But if they go to timetorise summit.com Time to rise. Calm register again. There's no cost for it. And then we'd love to be able to serve people for those three days. Amazing.
Interviewer 1
Okay.
Interviewer 2
It comes right to you. It's free. It's coming up right. Very soon.
Sage Robbins
So it really is.
Tony Robbins
Instead of starting your new year with months of resolutions you don't follow through on, let's get you a plan. Let's get you right.
Sage Robbins
Everything that we've been speaking about, whether you're a parent, it's like, you know, kids don't learn from what we say. They learn from how we are. And so. And same with in relationship. It's like, it's a way to live intentionally. And the results are so powerful. The miracles from this program is just unbelievable. And we go deeper into relationship there as well. And yeah, it's one of our favorite things. We do our time to buy Summit.
Interviewer 2
Amazing. I know you've changed so many lives and you're so sweet to be worried about being disrespectful to us, but we are just like amazed by your both of your wisdoms and like the things that you can do. And so it's. It's our honor to get to learn from you and honor to be with you.
Sage Robbins
Come join us at the. At the summit. Please.
Interviewer 1
That would be amazing.
Tony Robbins
You gotta come to a live event, too. You'll be.
Interviewer 2
We want to. We really want to.
Tony Robbins
Great experience. Oh, my gosh.
Interviewer 1
Yeah.
Tony Robbins
Amazing people that won't sit for a three hour movie. Go 12 hours a day with us for four days and nights. A stadium. The guy at the very top of the stadium will be full tilt 10 hours into it.
Interviewer 1
Oh, my God.
Tony Robbins
Dragged there by somebody else. There's nothing quite like it.
Interviewer 2
I've heard the energy is something that you can't even quite describe.
Tony Robbins
It's like imagine your biggest rock concert or. I remember one of my friends was a coach Riley. You may know Pat Riley has coached some major teams in Miami. Owner there, and he went one time and he said, this is like the seventh game of the NBA championship. He goes, but it goes on for 12 hours a day for four days. So it really is like that. It's a blast for people. And that's why time disappears. Because, you know, when you're having a good time, time's gone. Right? You know, when you're not enjoying it, a minute feels like eternity. So it's a great experience and we look forward to having you guys share it with us. Amazing.
Interviewer 1
Tony Sage, thank you so much, guys. Time to rise. Summit.com go check it out. It out. All right. Did I say that right? Is that okay?
Tony Robbins
Perfect. Thank you. Thank you, guys.
Interviewer 2
Awesome.
Tony Robbins
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This deeply personal and inspiring episode features legendary life coach, motivational speaker, and philanthropist Tony Robbins and his wife of 20+ years, Sage Robbins. Hosted by Matt & Abby Howard, the conversation dives into the secrets of a lasting relationship, navigating parenthood later in life, surrendering to life’s seasons—including infertility and unique family structures—and their intentional approach to raising a daughter in a digital world. Tony and Sage also unpack the "seasons of love," how to grow as a couple, practical spiritual wisdom, and the crucial importance of love, contribution, and personal growth as the foundations of both family and partnerships.
Journey to Parenthood
Surrogacy and Chosen Family
Raising Grounded Kids with Abundance
Sage’s perspective:
Maintaining Growth:
This episode is intimate, heartfelt, candid, and layered with wisdom—flowing naturally between laughter, emotional vulnerability, coaching moments, and practical advice. The banter between Tony and Sage is light and compassionate, but always rooted in depth and intentionality. Matt & Abby’s openness about their own struggles invites a collaborative, encouraging environment for shared growth.
Key Quote:
"You get over yourself, you get over your conditioning, you get over your expectations, and it's just like, wow, I love this human." – Sage Robbins (27:26)
To deepen your learning and connect with the Robbins' wisdom, check out their free Time to Rise Summit (Jan 29–31)