The Viall Files

Episode: E1053 Ask Nick - I'm Spending New Year's Alone
Date: December 29, 2025
Host: Nick Viall, with Julie, Jess, Olivia, and the Household

Overview

This episode of The Viall Files dives into dating and relationship dilemmas, focusing on tough crossroads: major life moves for love, friendship rifts, and dating with clear non-negotiables. Nick Viall—joined by Natalie Joy and Household regulars—takes calls from listeners seeking advice on moving to another continent for a fiancé, coping with shifting best friend dynamics, and navigating a recent breakup over fundamental incompatibilities.

Nick provides his signature blend of empathy and directness, challenging listeners to own their feelings, communicate clearly, and set healthy boundaries while leaving room for life's uncertainties. The episode is rich with practical wisdom, relatable anecdotes, and the occasional reality check.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Should I Move to South Africa for My Fiancé?

Caller: Olivia (29)
Segment: 03:00–33:07

• Situation: Olivia, a lawyer who owns her own business, is engaged to a 36-year-old South African man. He wants to return to South Africa to be closer to his aging family, but they both currently live and work in the U.S. Olivia’s family gives pushback, especially with plans to have kids soon.
• Concerns: Uprooting her life, missing her support system, uncertainty around raising kids abroad, breaking the news to her family, and timing the move (before or after having children).
• Notable Advice from Nick:
  • Be Transparent About Uncertainty:
    “The only difference between your situation and mine is...you know what it’s like to live here, and I don’t know what it’s like to live there. So I can’t promise you how I’m going to feel being halfway across the world.” (12:09)
  • Keep Communication Open:
    “You guys really need to feel like we’re doing this together. We’re a team…someone’s going to feel a little uncomfortable, a little scared, a little worried…you have to feel supported, that’s the framework.” (18:13)
  • On Making Big Decisions:
    “Sometimes we ultimately know what decision we’re going to make; we just don’t know when or how.” (22:12)
  • About Regret and Flexibility:
    “You don’t have to get it right, so to speak. You can make a decision, you guys can experience something together, and then you can change your mind.” (31:17)
• Memorable Moment: Nick shares a personal story about moving cities and how the anxiety before major moves often outweighs the reality, underscoring that regret is inevitable, but manageable.

2. Should I End My Friendship After Feeling Neglected?

Caller: Julie (31)
Segment: 34:32–79:54

• Situation: Julie is torn about her decade-long friendship with a trans woman who, since finding a stable relationship, has deprioritized their friendship. Julie feels neglected and wonders if she should let go or try to reconcile.
• Concerns: Imbalance in emotional labor, missing significant moments in Julie’s life, unreciprocated support, unresolved conflict, and the pain of shifting expectations.
• Notable Advice from Nick:
  • On Expectations:
    “You have a certain set of expectations about this friendship. She’s not meeting those expectations, and that is why you feel the way you do.” (51:22)
  • On Friendship vs. Family:
    “You said a few minutes ago, this person’s like family. She’s your sister. If you really feel that way, that should change your calculus...you should have a bit more long-term grace.” (62:52)
  • Empathy over Judgment:
    “A lot of empathy toward her situation would go a long way...focus on what you can control, like reframing your expectations.” (55:08, 61:15)
  • Practical Step:
    “I think the next step is to send her a text that says, ‘I love you and I miss you, hope you’re doing well’—and send it without expectations.” (62:35)
  • On Her Role in the Dynamic:
    “It feels like she doesn’t need you as much anymore, and that probably hurts.” (65:53)
  • Memorable Challenge:
    “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” (78:07)
• Memorable Quote:
  • “Sadness is going to get you further than madness, I suppose, with her.” (60:44)

3. Should I Stay with My Boyfriend If Kids Are a Non-Negotiable?

Caller: Jess (34)
Segment: 81:53–118:59

• Situation: Jess is freshly out of a three-month long-distance relationship with a man who isn’t sure about wanting kids and prioritizes travel and early retirement. They broke up after a fight over New Year's plans and fundamental values.
• Concerns: Non-negotiables around having kids, pressure of early commitment in relationships, balancing fun with intention, how to manage future contact (they’re set to attend a wedding together), and not wanting to waste time.
• Notable Advice from Nick:
  • On Holidays & Relationship Benchmarks:
    “I don’t think being with him on New Year’s is the end-all be-all…these artificial benchmarks—like holidays, meeting families—don’t mean you’re more serious or closer.” (94:57, 109:16)
  • Ask for What You Want, But Don’t Force It:
    “You demanded an immediate switch-up. And I get it because you don’t want to waste time, but you have to be willing to waste your time—it’s called getting to know someone.” (104:01)
  • On Letting Go:
    “He’s a nice guy. He was a good time. He does not want what I want, and that’s not my person.” (101:51)
  • Taking Accountability:
    “Maybe just reach out and own your part: ‘Sorry, I probably put too much pressure on us too soon. I think we made the right decision.’” (101:00)
  • About Wedding Plans:
    “Practice being chill…if you can go to this wedding knowing he’s not your guy, that doesn’t slow you down from finding what you want.” (116:41)
  • Maintaining Boundaries:
    “If he’s just looking to hang out because you’re fun, but nothing’s changed, enforce your boundaries and say no.” (118:12)
  • Memorable Quote:
    “You have to be willing to waste your time and get to know someone, and just focus on the connection and the quality time, not compare it to anyone else or what you think it means.” (104:45)

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• Olivia, on the anxiety of moving:
  • “I think it’s just a huge life move...I could do a change, but it’s just so drastic that it’s hard to mentally prepare.” (16:13)
• Host, on relationships and flexibility:
  • “You don’t have to get it right, so to speak...You can make a decision, then change your mind.” (31:17)
• Julie, on friendship pain:
  • “Why is it that I have to put these expectations on her versus my other friends… I’m holding onto it like a damn Rottweiler and I just don’t know why.” (53:41)
• Host, on expectations:
  • “Every relationship really starts when there’s expectations.” (51:22)
• Jess, on wanting intentionality:
  • “To me, I’m too old for these casual things.” (106:47)
• Host, on dating with intention vs. rigidity:
  • “You have to find balance in your life. You can be intentional without being hardcore.” (107:15)
• Host, challenging listeners:
  • “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” (78:07)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Olivia (Move for fiancé): 03:00–33:07
• Julie (Friendship dilemma): 34:32–79:54
• Jess (Non-negotiable kids & breakup): 81:53–118:59

Memorable Moments

• Nick’s analogy about moving from Milwaukee to Chicago vs. Olivia’s South Africa move (16:41)
• Nick reflecting on family-style friendships and redefining expectations (62:52)
• “Do you want to be right or happy?” sweatshirt joke (78:07)

Tone and Language

Nick keeps the conversation candid, empathetic, and real, never shying from telling hard truths but always encouraging kindness toward oneself and others. The vibe is supportive, with touches of humor and vulnerability.

Final Thoughts

The episode is an affirming reminder that in relationships—friendship or romantic—uncertainty, mismatched timelines, and shifting dynamics are a part of life. Nick’s advice consistently points callers back to self-awareness, honest communication, and acceptance that not every choice is forever.

For anyone questioning a big move, a cooling friendship, or a breakup over differing life goals, this episode offers both practical scripts and a boost of courage.

For more relationship wisdom, heartfelt stories, and reality TV recaps, keep up with The Viall Files!