The Viall Files – E1011 Ask Nick: “Get a Lawyer and Leave”
Date: October 6, 2025
Host: Nick Viall
Panel: Natalie Joy, Sam, Renee, Rachel

Episode Overview

This “Ask Nick” episode focuses on real-life relationship dilemmas, featuring three callers: Renee, who needs support through a difficult divorce and is facing emotional abuse; Sam, weighing whether her partner’s ongoing depression is a dealbreaker; and Rachel, whose husband refuses to let their children meet her mother’s “secret” boyfriend. Nick offers candid, tough-love advice, with an emphasis on self-empowerment, boundaries, and realistic expectations.

Call 1: Renee – “My Husband Gives Me the Ick, I Want Out”

Starts: [01:03]

Key Points & Insights

• Background: Renee, 29, has initiated divorce from her emotionally abusive husband of three years (together for six, two young children).
• Abuse & “Icks”: Renee describes years of controlling behavior, name-calling (even in front of kids), silent treatments, and emotional manipulation, including using finances and property as leverage.
• Resignation & Fatigue: Emotional connection gone; intermittent begging/silent treatment from husband. Renee feels resignation, not grief.
• Toxic Normalization: She recognizes she’s normalized toxic dynamics, having become numb to mistreatment.
• Custody & Legal Fears: Renee worries about fair divorce proceedings, especially regarding shared property and custody. Her husband manipulates the lawyer situation: once suggesting not using lawyers, now implying suspicion if she doesn’t.
• Family Manipulation: Renee discovers, via her husband’s family group chat, that they’re spreading lies about her and plotting custody grabs.

Nick’s Guidance

• Validation & Directness:
  • “What you’re describing sounds pretty bad. It sounds like you’re a prisoner, an emotional prisoner.” – Nick [13:18]
  • “Nothing you are saying—it sounds horrific what you’re dealing with.”
• Lawyer, Always:
  • “Stop making poor decisions for yourself… Stop trusting this guy… He's given you every reason not to trust him.” – Nick [20:44]
• Don’t Expect New Behavior:
  • “You right now are trusting him to do something he’s never shown you the ability to do in your entire marriage, and you’re going to expect him to do it when you’re asking him for a divorce. That’s insanity.” – Nick [31:00]
• Heal & Break Patterns:
  • “I think you should be very careful about who you date next. You might be prone to feeling a spark with toxic men.” [15:40]
• Facing Family Slander:
  • When Renee describes her husband’s family calling her ‘white trash’ and questioning her capability as a mother, Nick tells her, “They don’t know you. They know him. He’s painting a picture...” [19:03]

Notable Moments

• [06:08] Renee admits, “Yeah, I think [he’s emotionally abusive] for sure.”
• [13:18] Nick asserts, “You need a lawyer. I wouldn’t trust this guy…”
• [24:22] “You can get a lawyer and still have the goal to be as fair as he’s willing to be.”
• [31:00] “Protect yourself. You can’t trust him.”

Call 2: Sam – “Can Depression Be a Dealbreaker?”

Starts: [37:17]

Key Points & Insights

• Background: Sam, 31, is considering moving in with her long-term partner, who suffers from chronic depression and PTSD rooted in a traumatic childhood (mother recently passed away).
• Depression’s Impact: Partner frequently “checks out,” sometimes for weeks, creating emotional distance and imbalance. Sam struggles to reconcile her active lifestyle with his cyclical withdrawal.
• Ethical Conflict: Sam expresses guilt for “complaining,” aware of the stigma around mental health conversations.
• Personal History: Sam has her own history with depression and is familiar with the nuances but wonders if she’s being unreasonably impatient.
• Wanting Growth, Not Stagnation: Frustrated when her partner resists “challenging himself” to push through hard days.

Nick’s Guidance

• It’s Okay to Have Dealbreakers:
  • “It definitely can be a non-negotiable. Everyone might not agree, but… before you choose an entire life with someone, it might be something where you’re like, ‘Hey, I love you, but I’m not signing up for that.’” – Nick [38:22]
• Victimhood vs. Growth:
  • “We have gotten better at validating victims, but sometimes people get stuck there and stop challenging themselves to overcome adversity.” [45:49]
• Gut Over Guilt:
  • “I think sometimes deep down, we just… don’t see what we need to see to feel good about a situation. You doubt his ability to want to really help himself.” – Nick [61:40]
• You Aren't a Bad Person for Choosing Yourself:
  • “If you decide to leave him, you’re not a bad person… You have the right to choose a life that is not overly complicated and is set up for success.” [68:55]

Notable Quotes

• [43:10] “It doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t make you a prick.”
• [53:22] Nick, blunt: “No, it’s crazy. That’s crazy. To carve out a whole month every year where your partner doesn’t have to show up for you? That’s nuts.”
• [64:05] “It is very helpless to be with someone who acts helpless.”

Call 3: Rachel – “My Husband Refuses to Let Our Kids Meet My Mom’s Secret Boyfriend”

Starts: [77:38]

Key Points & Insights

• Family Drama: Rachel’s mom concealed an eight-year relationship, finally revealing it post-divorce. Her husband refuses to let their kids meet the boyfriend, who has a questionable history and lifestyle (financial dependence, “shady” behavior, heavy drinking).
• Boundaries vs. Isolation: Rachel and her husband agree never to let the kids stay overnight, but her husband won’t allow even public family gatherings if the boyfriend is present. Rachel feels caught between her mom (who takes boundaries as rejection) and her husband’s rigid stance.
• Husband’s Motivation: Deeply loyal, has lifelong ties with Rachel’s family, but is stuck in bitterness and moral judgment over her mom’s choices.
• Family Pressures: Husband’s own parents and extended family think he needs to relax. Rachel’s brother and his wife have socialized with the boyfriend already.

Nick’s Guidance

• Empathize with Both Sides, Find Compromise:
  • “I get why your husband’s holding a hard line… But he needs to support his wife’s relationship with her parents... This isn't about being right, it's about being happy.” [86:07]
• Middle Ground is Possible:
  • “He can protect his family by being present, setting boundaries, but not holding you hostage to this power struggle... The world is full of shady people, your kids will encounter them.”
• Hurting the Wrong Person:
  • “By holding this line, your husband is hurting you—not protecting you. He’s making your life more difficult for the sake of punishing this guy and your mom. That guy isn’t that powerful.” [91:40]
• Punishment vs. Protection:
  • “He’s gone past protecting kids; he’s now just being right... and it will be a good lesson for him. If it’s your way or the highway, eventually people will pick the highway.” [96:46]

Notable Quotes

• [82:07] “She’s not your husband’s mother… We have only one family—as imperfect as they are, if we can, there’s a lane for forgiveness.”
• [95:21] “At some point, his stubbornness gets in the way of his own children’s happiness. The kids don’t need to be bothered by adult problems right now.”
• [107:06] “He thinks he’s as invested as you in what happened to your parents, but did he go to therapy with your mom? No—and he didn’t care enough to. And that's fine. This is not his trauma.”

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Segment | Starts At | |------------------------------------|------------| | Renee's Divorce Story | 01:03 | | Nick’s Lawyer Advice | 19:09 | | Emotional Norms & Healing | 15:40 | | Sam: Depression as Dealbreaker | 37:17 | | Victimhood Discussion | 45:49 | | icks, Helplessness & Patterns | 61:21 | | Rachel: Secret Boyfriend Dilemma | 77:38 | | Compromise & Parenting Boundaries | 86:07 | | Righteousness vs. Family Unity | 98:28 |

Most Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Nick, to Renee when told she’s thinking of not using a lawyer:
  “Stop making poor decisions for yourself… Stop trusting this guy… He's given you every reason not to trust him.” [20:44]
• On surviving toxicity:
  “You right now are trusting him to do something he’s never shown you the ability to do… That’s insanity.” [31:00]
• On depression and compatibility:
  “No, it’s crazy. That’s crazy. To carve out a month every year where your partner doesn’t have to show up? That’s nuts.” [53:22]
• On stubborn husbands and family strife:
  “By holding this line, your husband is hurting you—not protecting you.” [91:40]
• On self-awareness and patterns:
  “Be very careful about who you date next. You might be prone to feeling a spark with toxic men.” [15:40]
• Final words to Rachel:
  “He can be a good husband and a protective dad, and it costs him nothing to be both.” [106:48]

Episode Takeaways

• Divorce & Boundaries: Always protect yourself legally; emotionally abusive relationships require decisive, self-protective action.
• Mental Health in Relationships: It’s not cruel to protect your own well-being if a partner’s struggles leave you chronically unsupported. Compatibility and belief in growth are essential.
• Family Drama: Standing on principle can become self-sabotage if it isolates loved ones; empathy, not moral purity, preserves relationships.

Host’s Tone:
Nick blends empathy with blunt honesty, never sugarcoating hard truths. He urges listeners to act in self-interest without guilt, and pushes for rational boundaries over emotional traps.