The Viall Files — Episode E1056 Ask Nick: "My Dad Lies About Me Online"
Date: January 5, 2026
Host: Nick Viall | With: Natalie Joy, Jen
Theme: Navigating complex family and romantic relationships, setting boundaries, and holding onto your sense of self — even when those closest to you let you down.
Episode Overview
In this Ask Nick advice episode, Nick Viall and his household team (including Jen and Rachel) field deeply personal calls from listeners facing relationship crossroads. Topics range from fraught parent–child dynamics, including dealing with a narcissistic father who lies about a relationship online, to debating reconciliation with an emotionally unavailable and unfaithful ex, and wrestling with compromise and stagnation in a long-term romantic partnership.
The tone is empathetic but forthright, as Nick challenges each caller to take ownership of their boundaries, recognize their pain, and consider whether their choices reflect their actual hopes for happiness.
Key Caller 1: Rachel — “My Dad Lies About Me Online”
Segment Timestamps: [01:15]–[35:19]
Story & Main Dilemma
- Rachel, 30, feels increasingly frustrated with her father, who presents an idealized relationship with her on social media, despite estrangement in real life.
- After growing closer leading to her wedding (where she set boundaries, e.g., walking herself down the aisle), their relationship soured. Her father made negative comments about the event behind her back, gradually withdrew, and now only contacts her sporadically, but continues posting publicly as if everything is perfect.
- Rachel struggles with whether to confront him or keep her distance, and is especially irked by his performative online behaviour.
Key Discussion Points
- Parental image vs reality: Rachel’s dad is obsessed with appearances, drawing validation from social posts about being a “great dad” — even as he neglects real connection.
- Setting & enforcing boundaries: Rachel explains her history of pulling away from the “emotional pain,” unlike her brother, who maintains more contact despite repeated disappointments from their father.
- Wounds from her wedding: Not being walked down the aisle triggered her father’s ire, despite clear advance communication and her efforts to include him in other ways (speech, rituals).
- Pattern of punishment: After the wedding, dad’s involvement drops; he withholds information (e.g., not informing her of the family dog’s death) as a means of “punishing” her for perceived slights.
- Frustration with false narratives: Rachel’s dad fabricates versions of events and expects her to accept them, denying her right to her own experience.
Nick’s Insights & Advice
- Emotional efficiency:
“If you’re spending emotional energy on this, let’s make sure the person you’re focusing on is your dad, not just venting to others.” — Nick [05:01]
- Confrontation vs acceptance: Nick notes Rachel has two options:
- Accept her dad as he is and adjust expectations, or
- Address her grievances head-on, even if the response may be unsatisfying.
Nick suggests:
“You need to be the productive person and you need to be the adult, because you are one. If your dad chooses to want to still be a child, don’t let him bring you down.” [25:27]
- Stop seeking validation:
“Would you rather be right or would you rather have your dad in your life?” [19:38]
Nick urges Rachel to forego small acts of retaliation and focus on leading the relationship by the example she wishes her dad would set. - Pity (not anger):
“Pity can go a long way. There’s a sadness that he spent the time to make this Facebook post knowing it was disingenuous.” [21:46]
Notable Quotes & Moments
- On the Facebook facade:
“When I wrote in, that’s what pissed me off that week, because he made this big post about National Daughter’s Day on Facebook when I haven’t heard from him at all.” — Rachel [10:19]
- On manipulation:
“He didn’t tell me our family dog died as a punishment. He told my brother, ‘Don’t tell her. When she picks up the phone and calls me, then she can know.’” — Rachel [14:13]
- Nick’s show of empathy:
“For all his faults, you only get one dad... There’s something inside you that wants to have a relationship with this man, and I totally get it.” — Nick [31:16]
Resolution/Advice
- Accept or address, don’t dwell: Rachel is encouraged to decide if she wants to keep chasing a version of her relationship that likely won’t materialize, or let go of expectations and find peace.
- Be the change, not the “punisher”: Nick urges that acting out of pity and acceptance will bring more peace than retaliation; lead by example, and respond rather than react.
Key Caller 2: Lucy — “In Love With a Loser”
Segment Timestamps: [37:01]–[54:43]
Story & Main Dilemma
- Lucy, 29, fell in love quickly with her now ex-boyfriend. When she suffered the sudden loss of a parent, he was emotionally unsupportive and then cheated on her weeks later. Lucy asks if she should take him back — feeling unable to find the same chemistry elsewhere, and complicated by seeing him daily at work.
Key Discussion Points
- Trauma stacking & longing for solace: Lucy associates his presence with comfort due to overlapping losses (parent and boyfriend), even though rationally she knows it’s unhealthy.
- Chemistry vs compatibility:
Nick reads from his own book, exploring how we over-value chemistry—especially in environments with forced proximity (e.g., colleagues), which can mask incompatibility and even disrespect. - Temptation and impatience for happiness: Nick points out Lucy’s desire to stop feeling sad and her desperation for connection might cloud her judgment.
- Boundaries at work: Nick reinforces the need for Lucy to create strong boundaries, both internally (“he’s not my best friend!”) and externally (limiting contact and calling out unprofessional flirting).
Nick’s Insights & Advice
- Know your feelings, don’t excuse them:
“It is okay to acknowledge that this toxic person turns you on a little bit. Just don’t forget that they’re toxic.” — Nick [54:06]
- Look beyond immediate relief:
“This is not the time in your life to be making reckless decisions. Now is the time to connect with [your] friends and stop saying things to yourself that just aren’t true. He’s not your best friend.” [51:38]
- Active boundary-setting:
“In the moment, you politely say, ‘Please stop treating me like that — I’m nothing more than your colleague right now.’ That should put him in his place real quick.” [53:18]
Notable Quotes & Moments
- On best friends & sadness:
"My best friend I saw yesterday and is actually supportive and there in my life." — Lucy [51:51]
- On the urge to go back:
“The solution to that sadness is not letting a wolf into your den just to have some companionship.” — Nick [52:30]
Resolution/Advice
- Embrace grief and move on: Lucy is advised not to chase old chemistry as a solution to sorrow, but to let time pass, lean on genuine friends, and keep her dignity and boundaries safe at work.
Key Caller 3: Jen — “Am I Compromising Too Much In My Relationship?”
Segment Timestamps: [58:52]–[104:43]
Story & Main Dilemma
- Jen, 38, has been with her partner for five years — he was supportive and affectionate at first but now has reversed his stance on marriage and children, and become more withdrawn. She’s unsure whether staying is a healthy compromise or a surrendering of her real desires (especially children, which she’d long hoped for, but now doubts due to age and his change of heart).
- She also shares her history of trauma and PTSD from a past marriage to a very “dark” individual, which colors her self-worth and makes the comfort of her current relationship especially hard to risk.
Key Discussion Points
- Self-doubt and self-editing: Jen narrates how she’s gradually whittled down her dreams (kids, marriage) to suit her boyfriend’s evolving disengagement, and recognizes her own tendency to “accept ordinary” for safety’s sake.
- Weaponized flaws: When she tries to have difficult conversations, her partner weaponizes her ADHD, family history, or emotional reactions against her, rather than co-creating solutions.
- Comfort vs meaning: Nick repeatedly asks what Jen gets out of the relationship besides a reprieve from trauma; what are their goals, teamwork, and purpose as a couple? Is “not being alone” enough?
Nick’s Insights & Advice
- Don’t let ‘good’ keep you from ‘great’:
“You deserve to have big dreams, and I don’t know — you deserve to feel excited about your relationship. You deserve to feel lucky to be in this relationship.” — Nick [98:12]
- Beware convincing yourself out of dreams:
“You have the right to say to your boyfriend, I know you said you don’t want to have kids, but I still do―and I need to figure that out with you.” [104:02]
- Be honest about what you want:
“I just don’t want the fear of the unknown stopping you from chasing your dreams. If I had your mindset, I wouldn’t be sitting where I am today.” — Nick [103:47]
- On love and heartbreak:
“The love of your life is going to break your heart. Sometimes you hurt each other and have to move on, apologize, get through it, but you both have to continually choose each other and put in the work.” [97:04]
Notable Quotes & Moments
- On settling:
“If your baseline is ‘not a psychopath,’ you’re really settling.” — Nick [79:15]
- On loneliness:
“All my friends are married off, have kids. If I wanted to go out and do something... it would have to be planned like weeks in advance.” — Jen [79:55]
Resolution/Advice
- Revisit your boundaries and non-negotiables: If Jen truly wants children, partnership, and real emotional investment, it’s not too late—she’s advised to act with courage, not fear, and decide whether current comfort is worth long-term regret.
- Compromise shouldn’t cost you your core values: "You have the right to not settle for a roommate," Nick says, essentially, and to expect reciprocal work in the relationship.
Timestamp Guide for Key Segments
- Rachel’s Call — Father, Social Media, and Boundaries: [01:15]–[35:19]
- Lucy’s Call — Loss, Infidelity, Chemistry: [37:01]–[54:43]
- Jen’s Call — Compromise, Children, Long-term Love: [58:52]–[104:43]
Episode Notables: Quotes & Takeaways
- Nick on Accepting Parent Flaws:
“You’re still wanting your dad to make up for lost time and be the dad he wasn’t — you have to let go of that expectation, because it’s probably never going to happen.” [22:00]
- Nick on Doing the Work:
“You want to be in the place that if you don’t have the relationship you want with your dad, you can honestly say, ‘I have truly done everything I could do.’" [28:03]
- Nick’s Challenge to Listeners:
“Don’t convince yourself that you don’t deserve things that you want.” [103:53]
Final Thoughts
Nick pushes each caller to speak their truth and set boundaries — not out of spite, but to reclaim emotional energy and make room for peace and real connection. Whether it’s a distant parent, an unworthy ex, or a decent-but-distant boyfriend, the episode’s through-line is clear: Your happiness requires honesty with yourself, a willingness to be vulnerable, and the courage not to settle for less than you crave.
If you’re facing confusion or pain in any relationship, this episode of The Viall Files is a reminder that you’re not alone — and that your desire for love (real love, not just the social-media highlight reel or a warm body in the bed) deserves to be honored.