E1075 Ask Nick - He's in Japan, I'm DTF

Summary

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The Viall Files – Episode E1075 "Ask Nick: He's in Japan, I'm DTF" (Feb 9, 2026)

Host: Nick Viall

Co-hosts: Natalie Joy, Kylie, Ruth, Cassie

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Episode Overview

This "Ask Nick" installment of The Viall Files takes on callers' most pressing relationship dilemmas with Nick’s signature blend of directness, empathy, and humor. The episode’s three main discussions touch on wedding drama with an ex’s interference, the complicated emotion of flying to Japan for a reconnection during divorce, and whether to allow an estranged parent a place of honor in a wedding ceremony. Listeners get classic Nick advice on honesty, emotional boundaries, and choosing personal growth—even when it’s hard.

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Key Callers & Discussion Points

1. Should I Tell My Fiance About My Ex’s Email?

Caller: Ruth, 36
Main Topic: Whether to tell her fiancé about being contacted by a toxic ex before her wedding.

Key Discussion Points:

• Ruth's ex emailed her one month after her engagement, wishing her well in a backhanded way:
  "I heard you're getting married. I hope it's everything I couldn't give you..." [04:17]
• She's hesitant to tell her fiancé because he’s “very jealous,” worried her ex still having contact would set him off.
• She acknowledges she should have told her fiancé immediately, but she deleted the email and sought friends’ and parents’ advice instead.
• Nick challenges Ruth’s reasoning for hiding it, pointing out the potential damage to trust and communication:

  "Your actions and how you're interpreting this situation almost implies that you have some unresolved feelings...in a relationship, if you're not fully transparent or honest, that's a slippery slope." [06:45]

• Nick stresses that not telling is a bigger problem than the ex’s contact:

  "Honestly, your bigger problem isn’t your ex. It’s figuring out how to be honest with your fiancé..." [10:52]

• Ruth confesses she overthinks and bottles up anxiety, which leads her to avoid sharing uncomfortable truths.
• Nick recommends a direct and humble approach, owning the mistake without making it dramatic:

  "You just own it all. Sometimes you catch people off guard by really owning things right away...That earns a kind of forgiveness." [16:34]

Notable Quotes:

• Ruth: "I feel like there should be no secrets, or—not secrets—but just nothing you're hiding..." [15:35]
• Nick: "Sometimes our feelings lie to us. They're feelings, not truths. How we process those feelings is the difference between being a little kid and being an emotionally regulated adult." [49:43]

Actionable Advice from Nick:

• Keep it to a 5-minute conversation; don't build it up into a huge deal.
• Be honest about the delay and your anxiety.
• Use the moment to discuss future expectations and communication norms.

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2. Should I Fly to Japan to See a Fling While Going Through a Divorce?

Caller: Cassie, 25
Main Topic: Debating whether to visit an old situationship in Japan while legally separated (but not yet divorced).

Key Discussion Points:

• Cassie can’t be legally divorced for a year in her state—her ex is dating ("caught on Are We Dating the Same Guy?" Facebook group).
• The Japan guy was a former fling before her marriage; he’s now in the military and stationed overseas.
• She and the Japan guy have been talking daily, with a playful, ongoing romantic chemistry.
• Cassie’s torn: is she "running away" or doing something adventurous for herself? Is she using this as a fantasy to cope with divorce pain?
• Nick pushes her to examine her true motives:

  "If you're only going because you ‘like this guy,’ that's not enough. Japan should be an adventure for yourself first." [35:00]

• She’s also worried about her soon-to-be ex’s judgment and the ongoing emotional control he exerts:

  "Your ex partner's feelings are not really your problem anymore. And if he is overreacting...you don't have to listen to it." [42:19]

• Nick identifies Cassie’s struggle with boundaries and over-worrying about others’ opinions:

  "You have to take ownership of, 'these are my feelings.' And now I have to work on processing those feelings and understand why I feel the way I do." [51:13]

Notable Quotes:

• Cassie: "I think my fear is being in a small town and knowing my ex is so ... you can't be with anyone else...so I'm not gonna go out and try to meet people because he's just gonna come for me." [39:10]
• Nick: "You should focus on yourself, your needs, invest in yourself, be open to taking adventures. Don't rush into relationships out of familiarity." [40:00]
• Kylie (co-host): "Basically, f*** it. Go." [44:43]

Actionable Advice from Nick:

• If you wouldn't regret going even if nothing romantic happens, then go.
• Don't hinge the trip on the potential of romance—make the purpose your own adventure.
• Set boundaries on communication if talking daily to Japan guy becomes a surrogate relationship or a block to meeting others.
• Seek legal advice about how any travel or actions might impact divorce proceedings.

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3. Should I Let My Estranged Dad Walk Me Down the Aisle?

Caller: Kylie, 32
Main Topic: Wrestling with whether her emotionally distant dad deserves the honor at her wedding.

Key Discussion Points:

• Kylie and her dad have a long, intermittent relationship, mostly marked by his emotional unavailability and boundary-setting around his new wife.
• After a period of silence, her dad reemerges upon hearing of her engagement, swiftly assuming he’s invited and will walk her down the aisle—this assumption rattled Kylie.
• Her brother is upset at the idea of their dad walking her, feeling he doesn’t deserve it given their relationship.
• Nick points out the futility of “punishing” her dad for not having the dad gene, instead prompting Kylie to reflect on regret:

  "If you don’t have your dad walk you down the aisle, there’s a strong chance that you will regret it...It will always taint your relationship with your dad." [71:29]

• Nick frames the wedding as one day among many, unlikely to be harmed by the inclusion of imperfect relatives:

  "You are going to invite people to your wedding that you lose touch with...It’s inevitable." [71:54]

• He advises assigning Kylie's brother a meaningful role beyond walking her—like a speech or special reading—to honor his support.

Notable Quotes:

• Nick: "We rarely regret giving people grace or turning the other cheek or forgiving people, even if they disappointed us. I mean, it’s one thing if your dad hurt you in a way that’s unforgivable, but disappointing you?" [73:17]
• Kylie: “I guess, yeah, I was like, cutting him off. I mean, it was stubborn and petty on my part, but then I'm also like, well, he didn't reach out to me either for two years...” [80:49]

Actionable Advice from Nick:

• Reframe expectations: Accept your dad’s limits and meet him where he is emotionally.
• Don’t make the wedding a spectacle or a statement—err on the side of inclusion for life’s big moments.
• Communicate honestly with both her dad and her brother about their roles.

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On relationship honesty: (Nick to Ruth)

  "You justify your choices because your ex is jealous. And you kind of convince yourself the reason you’re not fully transparent is because you don’t want them to get mad..." [06:45]

• On living for oneself after divorce: (Nick to Cassie)

  "You should be able to live your life. Don't let your ex control your choices—even in your head." [55:24]

• On family estrangement: (Nick to Kylie)

  "Hurt people hurt people. Your way of punishing [your dad] is to cut him off. Meanwhile, you're punishing yourself..." [77:05]

• Mic drop advice:

  "Sometimes our feelings lie to us. They're feelings, not truths. How we process those feelings is the difference between being a little kid and being an emotionally regulated adult." [49:43]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Ruth — Ex’s email dilemma: [02:47] – [26:32]
• Cassie — Japan fling & divorce: [30:59] – [60:33]
• Kylie — Estranged dad & wedding: [63:04] – [83:18]

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

Nick maintains his hallmark tone: supportive but no-nonsense, consistently challenging callers not to hide from hard conversations or avoid uncomfortable feelings. He champions personal growth—advocating for direct honesty with partners, seeing new adventures as self-care, and giving reluctant grace to imperfect family. The episode is rich with self-reflection prompts, compassionate “hard truths,” and plenty of moments where callers (and listeners) are nudged to choose connection and authenticity over avoidance and resentment.

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Transcript

[Nick Viall]

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[Cassie]

You're craz.

[Nick Viall]

Don't forget Vile Files. Plus now offers ad free episodes for all Vile Files Episodes, including Ask Nick Reality Recap, and Going Deeper. Plus, if you love Ask Nick, you will absolutely love our Ask Nick updates, where you get updates of your favorite calls, our deep dive on all your favorite reality recap TV shows, and our pop culture roundup where we talk about all your favorite pop culture topics that we didn't get to in this week's episode. Plus deep dives on our Going Deeper guest, and so much more. All you have to do is go to VI Files plus and you will be lucky you did. How's it going?

[Ruth]

Good. How are you?

[Nick Viall]

Good. What's your name?

[Ruth]

My name is Ruth.

[Nick Viall]

Hi, Ruth.

[Ruth]

And I am 36.

[Nick Viall]

Okay, how can I help?

[Ruth]

I'm getting married in November, and my ex reached out to me like a month after I got engaged. And it wasn't like the nicest message. And I don't know if I should tell my fiance before we get married or if I should just bury it. Let it be. Never think of it.

[Nick Viall]

Why wouldn't you tell him?

[Ruth]

So, background story. I dated my now fiance back in college for like, about a year on and off, and then I ghosted him.

[Nick Viall]

Okay.

[Ruth]

And then when I was 22, I met my ex of 12 years. And the last month that my ex and I were together, my now fiance and I had reconnected and we were kind of just friends. Like there was nothing there. And then he kind of like, went through the breakup with me, like, saw me go through all the things and kind of like, was my friend through it. And then, like, he hated him just because of all the stuff that he had heard and all the fights that he had heard and seen.

[Nick Viall]

You're now fiance didn't care for, your ex hates. Okay. That's pretty typical, right?

[Kylie]

So.

[Ruth]

Yeah, well, yeah. And he is blocked on everything. Or so I thought until an email slipped through. The email just said, like, I heard you're getting married. I hope it's everything I couldn't give you. Dot, dot, dot.

[Nick Viall]

And.

[Ruth]

And I feel like. I feel like if I tell my fiance, like, that will, like, set him off. Like, how does he have, like, an in? Like, how is he able to still reach you? How does he still have communication with And I mean, I thought it was.

[Nick Viall]

Blocked, but why not? He's a very jealous person, your fiance.

[Ruth]

He's very jealous. Yes.

[Nick Viall]

But why not tell him? I don't. What? What? What are you hiding?

[Ruth]

I just feel like he'll be like, well, why do you still have, like, a means of communication? And even if I say, like, I thought he Was blocked. He'd. I don't think he would, like, believe me, but I also feel like it's.

[Nick Viall]

Why wouldn't he believe you?

[Ruth]

I don't know. Just because I had, like, 12 years of history with this person and I left my ex and then, like, I'm kind of immediately started dating my now fiance. So I feel like I wouldn't feel great about that if it was on the other foot. So.

[Nick Viall]

What. What do you mean you wouldn't feel great about it?

[Ruth]

He had a similar situation, which I did find a letter from his ex girlfriend of, like, seven years. And I found it. I kept it where it was. And then one day, like, that drawer got cleaned out, but, like, that letter got moved. And I was like, so I didn't like that. Throw it out. And I actually had asked him. I was like, I found this letter when I was, like, cleaning. And now that you cleaned out this drawer, the letter moved, but you never threw it out? Like, were you holding onto it for something? He's like, I didn't even realize what that was. Okay, so.

[Nick Viall]

And your response was to that?

[Ruth]

Like, okay, I trust you. I believe you.

[Nick Viall]

Okay.

[Ruth]

I'm not that jealous of a person.

[Nick Viall]

And let's assume. Well, I mean, hopefully he didn't lie about it, but let's. I don't know if you listened to the most recent episode where someone was upset about a folder full of like, yeah, memorabilia or whatever. There's a, like, listen on. On its face. Right. Like, as I listen, I assume the people who are going to listen to this. It doesn't make sense that you would, like, why would you hide this from him? You know, it's like, there's nothing to hide. Your actions and how you're interpreting this situation almost implies that you have some unresolved feelings that you are having a hard time processing and you're projecting those feelings onto this situation because, like, in a relationship, like, granted, yeah. You have a lot of history with that ex. Understand that your current fiance has demonstrated signs of jealousy and things like that. I'm sure you want that to be worked on by both himself and you guys in the relationship and how to address that. I don't think how you're handling this is going to help that situation at all.

[Ruth]

Would you want to know if, you know your wife's ex had contacted her right before your wedding and just.

[Nick Viall]

Well, first of all, it's not right before you're getting married in November and you.

[Kylie]

I don't know.

[Nick Viall]

He reached out. When? Like, several months ago.

[Ruth]

September yeah. And we got engaged at the end of August.

[Nick Viall]

All right, so he reached out right after you got engaged. If I were insecure about your feelings, you know, and I guess it could bother me. Just out of curiosity, why. Why is he blocked on all platforms? And how did you come to that decision?

[Ruth]

I had to go no contact. It was toxic. It was unhealthy. It was. We both knew it was over, so, like, neither one of us wanted to call it. So when I finally called it, it was almost like a spiral happened and you couldn't handle it. So I was getting 200 phone calls a day, like, back to back. And then I have a work phone. And, like, he would flip between the two. And then I was getting emails, like, paragraph long emails and text messages and Facebook messages, any message. Like, any sort of avenue that you could message someone through. It was just to the point where, like, I was having panic attacks over it because I was like, I need you to go.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah, okay, that makes sense. So good. You know, And I'm assuming your fiance knows that story.

[Ruth]

Yeah, he was there for a lot of that.

[Nick Viall]

And when you blocked him, was it you being like, I gotta block this guy? Was it your fiance suggesting you block it? Did you give offer any. Okay, so it was totally came from you.

[Ruth]

Yeah, it came from me. Like, I knew that I had to go no contact. Because.

[Nick Viall]

So then let me ask you this question then. Why, when you're making this decision, do I tell my fiance? Why are you acting as if he was like, I need you to block him. I need you to block him on all platforms. And then you did. You complied with his request and then, like, forgot about the email. Because you're just like, he's gonna be like, well, why does he still have access to you? We're again, like, this is a situation where, for your own mental health and for your own need to move on and remove. Honestly, to protect your ex from himself, who, like, obviously was kind of going in a manic state. You put a stop to that. He found out you got engaged. Obviously triggering for him. Honestly, I'm surprised it took him a month to reach out, but he did. And I'm just wondering why. It wasn't easy for you to just go to your fiance and say, hey, just let you know. I got an email from Chuck. He's obviously upset that we're in love. But listen, I obviously blocked him now on email. Didn't realize he still had access to this email, but just obviously in the spirit of just open communication. Communication. And I just Want to let you know. And I feel like that would have been like, the thing to do. You know, you've gotten yourself into this very typical, I think a rabbit hole that people often make you. You justify your choices because your ex is jealous, right? And you kind of convince yourself that your reason you're not fully transparent or honest is because you don't want them to get bad. And there may be some truth to that that he could get mad. You don't know. But one or two things are going to happen with your. Your fiance, right? He either is so jealous and so reactive that nothing you can do is going to change his jealous ways, in which case you kind of have a problem because that is not going to get any better or worse. And I'm assuming for the most part, you guys are experience generally a honeymoon phase and you're excited about this engagement. And. But like, as you know, you know, relationships get hard and things happen and they might feel moments of disconnection. And like, if he's jealous now, imagine what he's gonna be like when you guys really have to put some work in. Or the other option is to, despite his jealousy, you promise yourself that I'm. I'm gonna be always open and transparent with this guy. Now he. It. Some things might trigger him, but that's gonna be something he has to work on. Because I know I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just like, I'm just being communicative. You don't need to apologize in a situation where, first of all, you weren't required to block your ex. You know, it wasn't even a request from him. And even if it was a request, it's. It's an understandable, honest mistake that you, like, forgot about the email. Most people don't even know how to block someone on email. You know, I'm sure most people could figure out, but it's not something. Yeah, it's not something we think about. I've never done it. Honestly, your bigger problem isn't your ex. It is figuring out how to be honest with your fiance and then either find out whether this is a guy who, who despite some jealousy issues, can work on that and identify. It's like, I can't be like this. I'm not. I'm getting married to this person. Am I going to still be jealous? Like, why am I acting this way? If, you know, like, if, if you're giving him no reason to think or feel that he should be insecure about a guy you dated for 12 years, then you don't need to apologize for that. You. I mean, the reality is you're in a worse situation because if you tell him now who he. He has every right to be like, well, why it took you three months to tell me?

[Ruth]

Did you wait? Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

Why did you wait? Like, what were you stewing on?

[Kylie]

That's true.

[Ruth]

And we normally have great communication. We're very open, and, like, I should have, like, first instinct when I saw the email was just, I should text him right now and, like, let him know. But he was at work. And I was like, oh, I'm not gonna do that while he's at work. So, like, I'll wait till I get home. And then it just kind of snowballed into, I deleted it and it doesn't exist. But then talking to one of my friends, and I asked my parents, I was like, what do I do? My dad's like, you're not still talking to him, so what does it matter? And I was like, I don't know. I just don't want him to, like, feel some type of way that he still had access to my, like, to me. And I didn't tell him right away, and now I didn't because it's definitely been a couple months.

[Nick Viall]

You definitely fucked up there. I mean, that's. I don't think this is unforgivable. You dropped a ball. You know your fiance best. What. What do you think his reaction is going to be?

[Ruth]

Definitely annoyed and definitely going to question. Like, right, that's the best case. Yeah, definitely. Kind of just, why isn't he blocked? But, like, I thought it was blocked, so I think it's just more like he's going to be very frustrated, which I don't blame him.

[Nick Viall]

But if I were you, I would try not to make this a big deal. You know, you don't need to text him at work and be like, we need to talk when you get home. You know? But, like, I don't know. Next time you're driving, just be like, listen, can I tell you something? And I feel really stupid, and I'm really disappointed in myself. But, like, Mike reached out a couple months ago and sent me this really weird email. First of all, I was surprised to receive it because I thought I had him blocked. I did it. It caught me off guard. I deleted it right away. And then I kind of got in my head feeling bad that I didn't have them blocked and I didn't tell you. And then it's been kind of just sitting with me. I'm like, why Didn't I tell him? And I feel weird for not telling you, but, like, he reached out and I just kind of got in my head and maybe you guys can have a conversation now. I don't think you blame him, you know, like, you. If you get into the weeds, you can say, listen, I think I got little freaked out because Is he aware that he's has a jealous side?

[Ruth]

Yeah, he can admit it.

[Nick Viall]

Okay, well, then maybe you can bring us. Listen, you'll have to say this is not an excuse. I was wrong. But I kind of convinced myself I was a little afraid that you would get mad because you're jealous. But I don't want to have that type of relationship with you. I still want to be able for us to tell each other things, even at the risk if it might be slightly upsetting, because we can talk through things and we can work through things, and there's nothing we can't talk or work through, especially things that, honestly, like, neither of us did anything wrong here. You know, something happened. Things can happen outside of our control and we might get triggered, but, like, it's our job to, like, just be there for each other and, like, you know. You know, you got to have that kind of conversation with him, acknowledge what you did wrong, and then communicate why you're telling him now and what your goal is and why you hope. Like, do I want you to work on your jealousy sometimes? Sure. I don't want to ever use as an excuse for why I am not upfront with you. If he reacts a certain way, that's like, jesus. Oh, my God. Like, why are you blaming me? And why you? You know that's a separate issue, right? That's you being like, listen, I understand you're upset, but, like, I did nothing wrong here, you know, to be clear. And I don't want to be punished for being honest with you. If he showed up at my work like a stalker. Are you. Are you going to take it out on me?

[Ruth]

I didn't invite him to my door. Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

So.

[Ruth]

And I think that is what happened. I think I did, like, react in a way where I was just like, oh, like this. It feels gross. And then I, like, didn't come forth with it, and then I think I sat on it for too long because I was just like. I didn't know what to do. I think it's exactly like, what happened. Like, I should have said it in the moment, and then I didn't. Now I just let it go on. And then I've been like, in my Head said like we have till November. And I just feel like there should be no secrets or not secrets, but like just nothing that you're hiding.

[Nick Viall]

And you're weirdly like keeping a secret that honestly isn't even worthy of a.

[Ruth]

Secret made into a bigger deal than like what it needed to be.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah.

[Ruth]

So I'm great at that. That's what I'm good at.

[Nick Viall]

Well, unless you, you're gonna acknowledge that. But like, this is a very, I think, typical thing in relationships where we justify being dishonest and it's mostly like a lack of admission. Right. It's, it's. I'm not lying, I'm just not telling them and I just don't want them to be upset and things like that. And it's a slippery slope. Not how you want to start this relationship off, but understandable why you got in your head. I don't think this is the end of the world. And I think, I think him being super annoyed and asking some follow up questions while being annoyed is totally reasonable and fair on his part.

[Ruth]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

And I think if you just own it all, sometimes you catch people off guard by really owning things right away, you know, because, you know, siblings or partners will fight often. Right. Sometimes we're just used to being like, well, I'm gonna fight you for at least 15 minutes. Even if, even because I know you're right, but I'm still gonna fight you.

[Ruth]

I still have to get my argument in.

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

Sometimes when we don't do that and we do the thing where it's like, listen, I was wrong, I shouldn't have done that. Here's why I did that. Not an excuse. I'm just like explaining my, my, my psyche. But I, that is wrong. And sometimes it'll catch people off guard that, you know, you kind of give them nothing to say. It's like, yeah, okay, I'm annoyed. And then they might so. But like the, you know, you might deal with that. But that would be fair for him to be frustrated, annoyed, ask you some questions. But this, that shouldn't blow up into something and maybe it's an opportunity for you guys to like, you know, connect and re establish expectations between the two of you.

[Ruth]

That's actually, it's a great point. Like that's who I am as a person. I just take everything and I bottle it into an, like an. I'm just anxious. So I feel like that's my go to move is just like I should feel anxious over this or I should feel like I did something wrong. Even Though I didn't. I just felt like I should have had all, like, ways of communicating with me cut off and I didn't. And it just isn't that big of a deal. But it's the fact that, like, I waited for so long and I didn't do it when it happened, but that's my own fault.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah, I mean, listen, if you're, if you're my fiance, you're telling me this like, I appreciate your honesty, but I'm a little nervous by the fact that you're like, well, what happens when you do something wrong? You know? Yeah, you're definitely not going to tell me. You're going to be like, he's, he's.

[Ruth]

Going to be mad good at telling on my. What I'm really good at telling on myself, though. Like when I do something or like when I like, make a mistake. Like, I'm actually really good about that. And I think this is just like the one point where I dropped the ball and then I started to overthink.

[Nick Viall]

It and well, there you go.

[Ruth]

So ever since that happened, I deleted and blocked the email. And so now I just have to tell him.

[Nick Viall]

And yeah, he'll be like, what'd you do? You'll be like, I deleted it and I blocked it and now I haven't heard from him since. And he'll be like, okay, cool.

[Ruth]

Like, that's how much I didn't care. It was like, I just deleted it and forgot to tell you about it.

[Nick Viall]

We didn't forget.

[Ruth]

No, I didn't.

[Nick Viall]

So, yeah, but just be careful when you don't say things like that. Right. Because it sounds like a cover up. And when people are worried that they're being lied to, they listen for those words. Like, did, did you read part of it?

[Ruth]

Did I read part of what?

[Nick Viall]

The letter.

[Ruth]

Oh, I read the whole thing.

[Nick Viall]

You read the whole thing? Okay, so if he asked, are you gonna be like, I read the whole thing.

[Ruth]

I told on myself. Because I was like, I noticed you cleaned out that drawer. And I went to go grab my phone charger out of your other drawer where he had moved it to. And I noticed that a letter that was in our junk drawer had moved and I had opened it. I read the letter from your ex and I was just wondering, like, why are you saving it? And he was like, what are you talking about? So I like, I went and I grabbed it and I gave it to him. He was like, I didn't even realize what this was because the envelope is blank. And he was like, I Don't know. Like, I didn't, like, purposely save it. So, like, he just threw it out right there. And he was like, I'm sorry. He was like, I didn't know what that was. And I was like, okay. Like, I read it. Obviously, I'm a girl. I took a picture of it, like, sent it to a couple of my friends, and I was like, what do we think about this? Why is this still here? Again, like, that's me. I like telling myself, like, I did that.

[Nick Viall]

Does it really matter about the letter or the email? Let me pause. How old was the letter?

[Ruth]

I don't think so. It was from 2020. So it was like, why are you. Why. Why do you still have it?

[Nick Viall]

Why not throw it away? Why?

[Ruth]

Because you don't talk to her anymore.

[Nick Viall]

So did it compliment him at all?

[Ruth]

Oh, yeah. It was like, me and my dog miss you, and I just hope that we can, like, regain our friendship again one day and come visit, like, soon. Like, she lives in Boston. I think it was during the COVID shutdown, too, but, like, still, like, it was nothing that, like, was worth saving.

[Nick Viall]

You don't listen. It's minus your. This reaction to this email. You don't think fast forward. Let's say, all right, you're going to get married to your. Your fiance. You guys are going to have a great marriage. It's going to be great. And whatever your goals and dreams are with your fiance, you will accomplish those goals and dreams, whatever those dreams may be. And 15 years from now, you're so moved on, but let's say 15 years go by longer than you were ever with that relationship. You're just. It will feel like a fever dream. You won't know this person. You won't know what they look like. You don't think it would be kind of fun to go back and read an email or a letter that this person who was a distant memory to you, but, like, it might elicit that, just bring you back to a time that was a. Felt like a lifetime ago? You don't think that would be kind of nostalgic and fun without in any way invoking feelings about that person other than nostalgia that, like, wow, I just totally forgot all about that and, oh, my God, what a crazy time. And remember when he, like, reached out to me 50, 100 times? That was.

[Ruth]

I mean, it's fun to laugh at.

[Nick Viall]

Now, but probably that when you asked me, why does he keep. Why does he keep it? I don't know. Like, it's just. Again, I said this in the last episode. But like, I don't know, it was. It's his life. It's. It's a recording of his life. It's like, why, you know, I was also thinking about this over my trip. You know, we're taking a lot of content of our daughter and all these videos and all these pictures and in the not, not too distant future, people will honestly be able to watch their life on like their whole life will be recorded. Right? Like they're wild. Yeah, their life is, you know, like I would, I was a kid there, we had the VHS camcorders and I, you know. Yeah, I don't even know where to find those, you know, like my old track videos in high school. It would be fun to go back and look. I mean, if I, you know, people nowadays will be able to, to do that, you know, which, you know, we get in the weeds. Well, how scary or not scary or whatever. But it is fun to reminisce about your life, you know, Wouldn't be, wouldn't it be cool if your parents had a bunch of like old like videos of your childhood and meaningful moments and it's not going to just be the moments of, of, of of happiness that you're going to think back on, you know, like, it'll be moments that you. Of sadness that you overcame and honestly will be very meaningful and memorable and you know, if you're secure in your relationship. You know, I'm not saying you guys should just be reading old love letters to each other. And I'm not saying, you know, like, I think there are certainly, certainly examples of when there's kind of maybe a red flag of like why someone's so connected to this old memorabilia. But for the most part it's a recording of a part of their life that brought you to where you are today. I mean, your 12 year relationship is a reason why you're engaged to this man right now. You know, it played a role. I don't think you guys need to like invite these people to your wedding as appreciation, but like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't think you have to be so insecure about where you stand in your relationship that you need them to burn and throw away a letter that's outdated and old and meaningless to them overall as it relates to that person, but ultimately is kind of like, that was crazy.

[Ruth]

I just felt like, it just felt like that letter was like moved and saved intentionally. So when says you, I saw it was moved. Like I had to ask. Yeah, I'm a Girl, Like, I have to obviously ask.

[Nick Viall]

Yes, I mean, by all means, ask, but like, you know, I mean, if you really think they're hanging onto it for weird reasons, you have bigger problems than the letter itself.

[Ruth]

And that was before we were engaged too. I think it was right before I had moved in like all the way. I definitely like told on myself, like the next day when I saw it, I was like, so I, I saw this letter and he was like, what letter? And then. Yeah, but he threw it out. Like, I didn't tell him to. I didn't tell him. You had to.

[Nick Viall]

I mean, I, for all I know, I have old lead letters from girlfriends that are like sitting at my parents house in a chest or something. I don't know. It's possible. I certainly haven't. Like, there wasn't a day where I was like, make sure I've deleted every old memorabilia of any relationship I've ever had, ever.

[Ruth]

It's a lot to do. Yeah. It's a lot of effort, you know.

[Nick Viall]

Give your partner the same grace you want him to give you that letter that you made him throw out. No doubt. Would have been really kind of fascinating, if nothing else, 30 years from now for him to discover and find and read and just remember about a time in his life and have this piece of like time capsule evidence for, you know, and, and now he doesn't have it because you made him throw it out, but at least you have the picture. So maybe you can just.

[Ruth]

I did not make him. I, I did not make him throw it out. He just did it. And I was like, okay. I was like, you could have kept it. Obviously you wanted to like jokingly said that part, but I didn't make him throw it out.

[Nick Viall]

All right, Anyway, you get my point. I think it's, I think just, I think it's good and healthy to acknowledge that you're having a reaction to it. And maybe it's a just like, hey, like, you know, something to talk about or something to investigate with your partner. This bothered me that you had it and I know you did nothing wrong, but like, I guess I felt a little insecure about that. Hopefully if he's annoyed and upset with you, you know, you guys can talk about why he's upset or why that made him feel, and you can validate his feelings without getting defensive or, well, you did this, you know. Well, you did that. All right.

[Ruth]

Yep. Definitely a conversation to have. Yes. Makes me feel better.

[Nick Viall]

Well, let us know what he says. I'd love an update.

[Ruth]

I will. We'll have this conversation probably soon.

[Nick Viall]

Soon like today. Like stop making it a big deal. Stop making it. Stop making it a thing.

[Ruth]

Yeah. No, we won't be home until later tonight. Both of us though.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah. Well, it's a five minute conversation.

[Ruth]

Hopefully I will let you know what happens.

[Nick Viall]

Okay. All right, let us know. Appreciate you.

[Ruth]

Okay.

[Nick Viall]

All right.

[Ruth]

Thank you. Appreciate that.

[Nick Viall]

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[Nick Viall]

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[Kylie]

It is good.

[Cassie]

My name is Cassie and I am 25 years old.

[Nick Viall]

How can I help Cassie?

[Cassie]

So my question is, should I fly to Japan to see an old sling mid divorce?

[Nick Viall]

Give me the pros and cons of, you know, why. Why this is. Why is this the decision you're having a hard time making?

[Cassie]

Well, where I live, you have to be legally separated for a full year before you can get a divorce.

[Nick Viall]

It feels wrong. You're saying because you're not actually divorced?

[Cassie]

Well, I think he sees it as wrong. Like, my ex would see it as wrong. I don't see anything wrong with it.

[Nick Viall]

Did. Did you.

[Cassie]

He's doing his thing, so, like, why can't I do mine?

[Nick Viall]

Great question. Who asked for the divorce?

[Cassie]

Me.

[Nick Viall]

Okay. And why does he feel like it's wrong for you to live your life right now?

[Cassie]

Because he sees it as. We're still legally married and that would be cheating.

[Nick Viall]

Okay. Who cares?

[Cassie]

True.

[Nick Viall]

Is he doing something? Like when you say he's doing his thing, what does that mean?

[Cassie]

Well, quite literally, on Saturday, he was posted in a Are we dating the same guy? Facebook group. So it's like, clearly you're out living the dream, so that's hilarious.

[Nick Viall]

So then what are you worried about?

[Cassie]

This is the second time too. This is the second time we got divorced because of that.

[Nick Viall]

You got divorced because you caught him doing some shady shit?

[Cassie]

Yeah, three times.

[Nick Viall]

Okay, that's a bummer. So is this about you, like, not losing the upper hand of like, righteousness or something? Like, are you worried that if you go to Japan to visit this fling and he catches wind about it, he'll be like, you did this too, or you're no better than me and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Or like, what's the thing that, like, who. Who's gonna find out? That is that. That makes you gonna go, oh, shit.

[Cassie]

Well, that's the thing. He has no idea about this guy in Japan. So, like, if he found out I was going to Japan, it could just be like, it's not like me to go to Japan, but like, there's no connection there. Like, they have no idea. I mean, he knows I have the Japan guy, knows I have an ex husband, but. Or soon to be ex husband. Ex husband has no idea about.

[Nick Viall]

And you're thinking about, like, flying to Japan by yourself?

[Cassie]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

Are you paying for it? Yeah. Does he live there?

[Cassie]

For now.

[Kylie]

Okay.

[Cassie]

He'll be home. Well, originally when I wrote in, he. I thought he would not be home till, like, December of 2027. So I was like, dang. And he was like, you could always come to Japan, though. I'm not coming home in between now and then.

[Nick Viall]

So he, like, threw it out there, and you're like, I mean, I need. I want an excuse to go to Japan.

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Cassie]

And now he'll be home in December of this year.

[Nick Viall]

That means.

[Cassie]

So it's a lot sooner.

[Kylie]

So it's.

[Cassie]

It won't be in 2027. It'll be in 2026.

[Kylie]

Okay.

[Cassie]

So it's like, that's only 10 months until you're back. Do I even go?

[Nick Viall]

Why are you going? Why are you thinking about going?

[Cassie]

Because I like him.

[Nick Viall]

That's it.

[Cassie]

I mean, we had like.

[Nick Viall]

You're not interested in seeing Japan?

[Cassie]

I mean, I am. I probably wouldn't go if it weren't for him.

[Nick Viall]

Okay. What. Why are you having a hard time making this decision?

[Cassie]

Because it's like, I actually liked this guy before I ever met my husband, got married, anything like that. Like, we had a whole thing back then. Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

How old were you then?

[Cassie]

Situationship? 21.

[Nick Viall]

Okay.

[Cassie]

And he's younger than me. He was only 18 at the time.

[Nick Viall]

Okay, so he's 22 now.

[Ruth]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

What does he do?

[Cassie]

He's in the military.

[Nick Viall]

Okay. Yeah. Listen, I. I would be careful. Convincing yourself that you like him.

[Cassie]

That's what I was thinking. So it's like, there's so much time between now and when you come home.

[Nick Viall]

I guess what I'm saying is it's like, you know, listen, you're. You're going through this divorce right now. You seem at peace with it, but obviously, like, disappointing to find out your husband was. Was doing some things outside of the marriage. And, you know, I'm sure you're not happy about that. It makes sense that you are looking to get out there and be adventurous, maybe make up for lost time, yada, yada, yada, revisit old, you know, connections. And that's probably the easiest thing for someone in your shoes to do because, you know, meeting strangers in generally is just more intimidating and scarier. I guess so, for all those reasons, like, you know, yolo, if you want to go to Japan. If you go to Japan, I think you should tell yourself, I'm going on this adventure for myself. You know, he is a vehicle, and I'm certainly going to have fun with this guy, and I don't know what's going to happen. I feel safe around him, so I'm not worried about putting myself in a vulnerable position. And I think he's a respectful person and we'll go have some fun, you know, And I'm certainly open to getting to know the guy, but, you know, he does live on the other side of the world. He is three years younger than me. This fact that you quote, unquote, you know, situationship in the past, whatever it was like, isn't like a. It doesn't really mean much, you know, other than there's some familiarity there. And I think you should just frame it more of as like an adventure, that you're doing it for yourself. And I would have an open mind. I wouldn't, you know, like, it seems to me a little silly for you to put your. First of all, like, he lives in Japan, so I don't know what you two are talking about, if anything, but, like, I don't think you should be waiting around for him. I think it's cool that you found a friend that you can talk to from time to time. And I'm sure he enjoys the communication in the company, but, like, I don't. Is this, like, are you pursuing a relationship with him in this moment right now?

[Cassie]

I don't know. We talk every single day.

[Nick Viall]

And that's fine, I guess.

[Cassie]

Facetimed a few times.

[Kylie]

Sure.

[Cassie]

Things like that he always talks about, like, when I'm home this, when I'm home that. And I'm like, like, okay.

[Nick Viall]

But yeah, I mean, listen, you also provide.

[Cassie]

I mean, it's pointless.

[Nick Viall]

He's in the military and. I know, I don't know. I can only guess. I've had friends in the military before, but it would make a lot of sense that he's very excited to talk to you every day and enjoys that. And you, you, you know, there's that sense of familiarity and look. Something to look forward to. And you also don't know if you're the only one he's talking to every day. Yeah, you're not together, so he doesn't owe you that. You're only 25. You're not even divorced. You know, obviously, maybe some weird laws in the south that are a little archaic, but whatever. But regardless of their archaic, like, there is something to be said about like maybe taking your time and this is a vulnerable time in your life and probably a confusing time in your life. And I wouldn't be in a rush to make huge investments that Was kind.

[Cassie]

Of my thought too. Like, I have no reason to be in a rush. Do I even go, spend all that money to go there, stay there, and.

[Nick Viall]

Then I wouldn't go. I mean, listen, if all you're gonna do is get on a plane and take like a 20 hour plane ride to sit in a guy's apartment and make out, then yeah, probably not. If, if it's an opportunity and he can like show you around Japan and, and do some sightseeing and like, I mean, I've never been, I've heard it. Amazing country. I would certainly like to go. You may never get an opportunity like this or a reason to go to Japan. It could be a lot of fun. I think it really all comes down to how you frame it in your mind and the expectations you have of why you're taking this trip. And if you treat it like I.

[Cassie]

Think that's the problem.

[Nick Viall]

How so?

[Cassie]

I would have my expectations set too high.

[Nick Viall]

Okay. Are you capable of changing your expectations? Are you, are you capable of being like, I'm doing this for myself and this is an adventure and I like the guy. I like what I know so far, but like, listen, like just chances of us, anything helping us between this guy, he's in the military, I got my life. It's just, I don't know, I should keep dating other people. It sounds like you talk to him so much that you've kind of are acting like you're in a relationship and it sounds like you're not looking outside of this connection you have with this guy, which is, I think, a mistake.

[Cassie]

Yeah, I think my fear is like being in a small town and knowing that my ex is so like, you can't be with anybody else, you can't talk to anybody else. It's like, okay, well, I'm not gonna go out and try to meet people because he's just gonna come for me no matter what I do. So this gives no idea who this person is.

[Nick Viall]

What do you mean come for you?

[Cassie]

Well, like, come for me, like personally, like verbally come for me over text or call or whatever. And then also he can take that and like use it in our divorce as like infidelity to try to get me.

[Nick Viall]

I'm assuming you have all those screenshots of. Are we dating the same?

[Ruth]

Oh, yeah.

[Nick Viall]

Well, I mean, listen, I don't, I don't know much about that in terms of the legal stuff. So if you need to be careful as it relates to your divorce, I mean, that's probably, that's a question for your lawyer to be honest and I would follow their advice is like, what do you have to do or not do in the next I don't know how many months to make sure that you aren't hurting yourself financially when it comes to the final ruling on your divorce? So I would check in with your lawyer on the personal side, outside of whatever advice you get from your lawyer on the legal side, I think right now you should focus on yourself, your needs, invest in yourself, be open to taking adventures. Trying not to rush into relationships with guys, especially out of familiarity. It makes a lot of sense why he provides a level of security and comfort. And I'm sure divorce is lonely. And he is. This guy probably listens to you and he's lonely too, you know? Yeah, I get why you guys are adding value to each other's lives and there's nothing wrong with that, but I think you should just temper your expectations.

[Cassie]

Father, that I give a crap at all when about like hurting my ex husband or him knowing that I'm seeing somebody else when he's being posted in these groups like 24 7.

[Nick Viall]

If the worst thing you have, clearly he's have. Well, if the worst thing you have is empathy for your ex who may not deserve all of it, I mean, you know, it's not the worst thing in the world. Speaks to the quality you are as a person.

[Cassie]

Yeah, but it's annoying.

[Nick Viall]

Well, yeah, there's a strike that balance. You can feel bad and then recognize that despite you feeling bad, you're not doing anything wrong. And again, outside of whatever advice you get from your lawyer, that shouldn't stop you from living your life. And then you just have to get better at not letting those emotions dictate your choices.

[Cassie]

That's the problem, is that I care too much about what is this person gonna think? What is that person gonna think? Like, nobody cares.

[Nick Viall]

Well, that's true. Well, I don't care as much as you care. That's for sure.

[Cassie]

That's why I'm trying not to care. But I do.

[Nick Viall]

So what? I mean, so what are you mostly worried about?

[Cassie]

1, him coming for me and being super mad and angry towards me because, like, I don't. I can't deal with. With that anymore.

[Nick Viall]

So don't deal with it. I mean, again, as long as you're not putting yourself in a vulnerable position as it comes to like a legal decision, your ex partner's feelings are not really your problem anymore. And if he is overreacting or being a hypocrite and comes at you you don't have to listen to it anymore. Just protect yourself legally by, you know, just getting advice from your lawyer and following their advice. You don't have to be loud about who you're talking to, and you don't have to be on the dating apps. And, like, right now, it can just be you being, again, open to adventure, hanging out with your girlfriends, going out and having a nice time. You're allowed to talk to people. You know, maybe between now and you're divorced, you don't go on the apps so that, like, you know, you'll have plenty of times. Well, you know, maybe you will, maybe you won't. But, like, certainly you don't need to rush it because obviously that's. That there's a level of being out in the public and letting the public know, hey, I'm. I'm out there and dating. As far as going to Japan, I wouldn't go for him. I'd go for you. And if you're able to figure that out, but it sounds like maybe you don't have that much of a desire to go to Japan. And if that's the case, maybe just wait to December and enjoy the conversations you have with a guy who's like, kind of keeps you preoccupied while going through this divorce, but stop yourself from.

[Cassie]

Like, it's not that I don't want to go, but I just know that I would never go if it weren't for him.

[Nick Viall]

Okay. But what it.

[Cassie]

You know, and I honestly probably would have never thought about it unless he brought it up, which he did. So I was like, huh, could you.

[Nick Viall]

Have fun going 100%, and if, if. If a week after you got by, you stopped talking to this guy for whatever reason. Reason would you regret going? You know? Is the question.

[Cassie]

Probably not.

[Nick Viall]

You know, let's say you go there, you have a good time. You're not boyfriend and girlfriend. And he's like, yo, listen, like, I'm. We can keep talking, but, like, I don't, you know, like, I don't want to lie to you. Like, I do talk to other girls and. And, you know, I. I like talking to you, but, like, I don't. I'm not gonna have a. You know, I live in Japan, and let's say you're just, like, kind of over it. Like, would you. Yeah. If you're not going to regret the trip, then maybe it's a cool adventure, you know?

[Cassie]

So basically, fuck it.

[Ruth]

Go.

[Nick Viall]

I think it just comes down to how you. Why you're doing what you're doing right? Now you are in a vulnerable time because this is an emotional time and it's a hurtful time, and it's hard to navigate divorce and things like that. And it is a weird thing to consider the feelings of your ex and things like that. So all I'm saying is just be mindful and careful about your motives of why you do things, right? So if you can acknowledge. But, like, of course I, you know, I probably wouldn't have thought of it, whatever, but, like, this opportunity came up because I talked to this guy and I don't know what's gonna happen with this guy. I definitely, like, I. I enjoy talking to him. I like him. I think he's cute. But who knows? He's three years younger than me. He lives in Japan. We probably aren't gonna work out, and he's probably not gonna be my boyfriend. But, like, I can go to Japan and he can show me around and we can have a great time. And if I never talk to him again, I'm gonna have.

[Kylie]

Have.

[Nick Viall]

I'll have this really fun excuse to go to Japan that I may never get. I'm 45 years old and I've never had a. I've never been invited to Japan, and I haven't gone, and I hope to go someday. But to your point, it's really far away and I may never go. But, like, all. Sometimes all we need is a reason. Right now, if you are. If you're like, I don't really like to travel, and I've honestly, like, not super, like, into, like, Asian culture. And I'm only going because I love this guy and I'm really into him, and. And then I would be like, don't go because, like, you know, you're putting all eggs and this baskets of this, you know, this relationship that, you know, probably isn't what you think it is. But you've been so, like, you reliant on this kind of, like, conversation because it's. It's a. It's a great distraction from the divorce. That is hurtful.

[Cassie]

That's what I'm worried about, that I'm like, making a fantasy up in my head. Like, you're just using this to get over that.

[Nick Viall]

You probably are to some degree, but it doesn't. It doesn't have to be. Again, like, if all you're doing is, like, I'm talking this guy, he's in. I'm enjoy. It's enjoyable. I don't know what's going to happen. Who knows? Then you're fine. If you're Convincing yourself and lying to yourself like, he's the one. We're going to have the most amazing trip, then. Yeah. You might be disappointed when that things don't work out. You know, it's just managing your expectations.

[Cassie]

I definitely need to lower them, probably.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah. What do you think is more accurate right now?

[Cassie]

Probably I want to go because I like this guy less that I give a crap about going to Japan, which sounds bad, but sound bad.

[Nick Viall]

I mean, that's good to be honest with yourself, but maybe that's an answer to hold off. There's no urgency in going.

[Cassie]

No, I've got till Christmas.

[Nick Viall]

You don't have to go right now. You don't have to decide right now. And if all of a sudden you have a window where it's like, I could go to Japan, maybe you look at, you know, maybe find a cheap flight or something. I don't know. Maybe something comes up, maybe. What do you think you're gonna do?

[Cassie]

I mean, I want to go. I have not seen this guy in, like, four years. So it's like, I want to go. And over text and facetime and everything like that. It's like, everything's the same. Chemistry is the same. Banter's the same as it was. So I'm like, shoot, I really like this guy. But it's like, I can't just. I need to set my expectation to not just go there and be like, oh, something's gonna happen. Because if I go and he's still gone for six months, it's like, that was useless.

[Nick Viall]

I mean, you know the answer. I don't. You know, you just have to. You have to figure it out.

[Cassie]

I mean, that's my problem. I can't figure it out.

[Nick Viall]

Why is it a problem? Why can't you figure it out?

[Cassie]

Because I want to go. It's just. I don't want to dis. Like, be disappointed. I don't want to feel disappointed, and I know I wouldn't be disappointed if.

[Nick Viall]

Can't change your expectations.

[Cassie]

It was. I definitely can change my expectations. It's just something I'm gonna have to work on.

[Nick Viall]

Okay, so work on it. I appreciate your recognition that you're. You're being honest with yourself that I probably wouldn't go to Japan if we're in for this guy, and I think I really like him. Fine. That's an honest statement. You can acknowledge. You have acknowledged that you're probably getting a little ahead of yourself. Okay, no problem. We've all done that. That's okay. Normal feeling. But that Last part, you're just like, well, there's nothing I can do about it. This is how I feel. That's the part you need to work on, and you can if you want to. It's just literally a choice. It's just reminding yourself over and over. Yeah, Sometimes our feelings often lie to us. They're feelings. They're things we have to process. They show up, they're unacceptable, respected. Sometimes they hurt. Sometimes they feel good. And how we process those feelings is literally the difference between being a little kid and. And being an emotionally regulated adult. What you need to do and what you're kind of acting as if you're incapable of doing, which is a little bit of punting on the emotional responsibility. You have to take care of yourself. Like, I don't know. It's just how I feel. Nothing I can do about it.

[Ruth]

It.

[Nick Viall]

That's not true. You can literally just keep reminding yourself that, like, well, despite my feelings of liking him, it could definitely not go the way I hoped or want or. And that's okay, but I'm probably gonna have fun, and I'm not gonna regret going if things don't work out between me and him. And even if he is just an excuse to do something crazy that I would otherwise do, that it might be good for me to get out of my comfort zone and yolo and take a trip and have some fun. And you just have to mentally practice that. You just have to, like, remind yourself as opposed to, like, letting yourself slip into delusion. And on the plane ride there, tell yourself or stop wondering about how, like, this fantasy weekend's gonna go, and if it doesn't go your way, you cry the whole way home on the. On the plane ride back.

[Cassie]

Yeah, I mean, I agree with that. And that's, like, one part of my brain is, like, the emotional side of it, and then the other part of my brain is like, you got married at 21. You're 25 or 22, you're 25 years old, you're getting a divorce. Why the hell not? Just go. It's gonna be fun no matter what happens.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah.

[Cassie]

So, like.

[Nick Viall]

So that part of your brain, you just. You need to lean into and keep reminding yourself of that. And there are. And when. When the feelings of, you know, what am I doing? Or blah, blah, blah, or, you know, and when you get caught up in your feelings, let the objective side of your brain to remind yourself, like, these are feelings, and now process those feelings. That's part of being an adult.

[Cassie]

I'm tired of having to process my feelings. I've been doing that for too long.

[Nick Viall]

Well, that's part of life, you know, Every day we feel things.

[Cassie]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

And you want to feel things because the alternative is kind of shitty, you know, either going to let your feelings dictate you, and you will be a victim of your feelings and you just better. You just have to hope the feelings are good feelings, or you can just get better at understanding why you feel certain things and then process those feelings. Maybe by talking to a therapist, talking to a friend, talking to yourself. You know, that's how you avoid the ruminating over, like, just the constant thing of, why am I doing this? You don't really get anywhere. And you tell yourself things like, well, it's just how I feel. Nothing I can do about it. That's when you kind of get in the stuck and you just have to take ownership of, these are my feelings. And now I have to work on processing those feelings and understand why I feel the way I do.

[Cassie]

Do you think maybe I should start talking to him a little bit less?

[Nick Viall]

If you find yourself playing house and finding yourself feeling like he's a boyfriend, and you find yourself feeling like, I would be really hurt if I found out he was talking to other girls, but I don't feel like I'm in a position to ask him that, then, yeah, I think it would be smart to pull back a bit. Every day is a lot for a guy that you know you're not in a relationship with. On the flip side, if, like, hey, I found a good friend. This is a fun fling. We'll see where it goes. And if you can just not get caught up and playing house in your mind and have. And getting unrealistic expectations, then again, it's all about. It all comes down to how you manage your feelings on the situation. And what you're talking about is a boundary, a boundary you're considering setting, which is, I should talk to him less. Right. Which is a boundary that you would have to enforce yourself. And then you would have to act on, you know, by, you know, you wouldn't. You know, the boundary wouldn't be like, call me less. So I don't talk to you as much. It would be you making a decision and then letting them know. And we set boundaries often to protect ourselves from the feelings that we have a hard time controlling.

[Cassie]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

So you're just kind of talking about a boundary. And if you feel like that boundary would be healthy in the long run because you have a hard time, like, controlling your feelings and expectations, in the moment, then it might be smart. But I think the biggest takeaway from this call is you to not tell yourself that you're incapable of controlling your feelings.

[Cassie]

True.

[Nick Viall]

And you just have to.

[Cassie]

And I know I am. Like, I know I am capable of it. Like, I left a man 13 years older than me at 25 years old and have been able to be like, it's done. We're done. I'm not doing this anymore. And until now, having this decision of, like, moving forward and hurting him and moving forward for myself, I'm like, okay, Now I'm, like, in this confused. Like, I don't want to hurt him. But also, it's like, I laid down this law. Like, it's over. We're done. Divorce is happening. So it's like, I know I can do that. It's just. Just actively doing it.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah. Which can be hard. But then remind yourself that, like, hurting him might be just a response to, like, you protecting yourself. And then, you know. Right. You know, when you do things to hurt people and when you. And sometimes people get hurt by your actions and when you didn't intend it, you don't want to hurt your ex. Doesn't sound like it. Which is healthy and good. Doesn't mean he still might not be hurt. And if you're not doing anything out of spite or anger to hurt him, then you don't have to really feel guilty about. About, you know, he is responsible for his choices. He made some choices. Sounds like he might regret some of those choices. And there are consequences that came from those choices. And if he's hurt, then he has no one to blame but himself, and he will work through that or not work through it, but it won't be your problem. Right. And you're not doing things to go out of his way and hurt him. In fact, you're probably going out of your way to not hurt him. But you do have a right to live your life and talk to people and date people now that you don't want to be in this relationship anymore. And you, you know, like, again, you should protect yourself legally, but outside of that, you should be able to live your life.

[Cassie]

I agree. I just need to be like, okay, that part of your life's over. We're going from here forward and actually move on with somebody else, because I haven't done that yet.

[Nick Viall]

Well, he won't be the reason you move on the guy in Japan. Like, again. It's just, again. And that's why it sounds to me like, you know, that you haven't really processed this divorce. Finally, you just need time to process and whether you want to get back together with this guy or not. You can not want to get back to a relationship. And it can still leave scars and do some damage in a way that you may not be ready to emotionally really give yourself and trust someone fully. And it might just be an overreaction to you wanting to forget about a very hurtful time in your life.

[Cassie]

That's probably what it is.

[Nick Viall]

Are you seeing a therapist or talking to anyone and processing this divorce?

[Cassie]

I've been to therapy twice, but I haven't been back since. So not really twice my mom in.

[Nick Viall]

Your life or twice since your divorce? Okay.

[Cassie]

No, twice since like the. We separated.

[Nick Viall]

Okay. You didn't find it helpful?

[Cassie]

No, not really. But it was a guy and I was like, okay, I prefer this to be a girl.

[Nick Viall]

Maybe you didn't find the right. Yeah, maybe you just didn't find the right therapist.

[Ruth]

Yeah.

[Cassie]

So I need to try again. It's like I'm not actively trying.

[Nick Viall]

It's not the end all be all, but is a very useful tool. No doubt this guy is playing some kind of therapist role of listening to you and you venting to him.

[Cassie]

We don't even talk about it though.

[Nick Viall]

Probably not. But I'm just saying you are clearly processing this loss and disappointment. You are clearly struggling with how you go about doing that and questioning yourself. And you know, and I would, I would try to just give yourself some grace and work through it without committing to any person or thing. But a trip to Japan isn't much of a commitment other than obviously a bit of a financial obligation and some time. But yeah, go have some adventures. Go have some fun. Just in general, I think you should be open to being adventurous right now. I think that's a great mindset to have short term adventures that really you don't have to commit to my. Outside of the financial obligation and the time to do the adventure. But it's a really great time to just try new things, see what you're into, see what you're not into. Be open to saying yes to new adventures. I think that's a good mindset to have going through a breakup.

[Cassie]

I definitely need to because it's like when you get married so young, it's like you're. You don't do anything beforehand. Like what can you do 18 to 21, nothing. Then you get married and it's like, no, we didn't do anything. Especially in like, you know, the south, how it is. It's so. But now it's like, okay, you can go live your life.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah, you should definitely go live your life.

[Cassie]

It doesn't have to be that important. That's what I need to learn. Like, it doesn't have to be important.

[Nick Viall]

And then recognizing you, it would be hard for you to probably understand your feelings on him, given where you're at in life. And I don't doubt that you really like him. But is this the type of relationship is he satisfying a temporary feeling that you have, or is he providing something more sustainable? Probably the former. But who knows? It really comes down to how can you control your feelings, and can you treat this like an adventure and not a really long ass trip to spend a weekend with? I guess.

[Ruth]

Yeah.

[Cassie]

That doesn't sound very good.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah. So, all right.

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Merit Beauty Sponsor]

All right.

[Cassie]

I go to Japan. I'll let you know.

[Nick Viall]

All right, let me know. And in the meantime, just, you know, I would look into ways to help you process this loss and just, you know, it's okay to not be over it yet, but you just want to be mindful that you're being proactive with your feelings and not reactive in the sense that, like, don't stop, you know, reacting to the things that he does or says. That being your ex, or again, just proactively doing what's right for you, not responding to other people.

[Cassie]

Yeah, I definitely need to work on that because I'm always so worried about, like, what is he gonna think? What are my parents gonna think? What is my sister gonna think? What are my friends gonna think? Like, it's not their life, it's yours.

[Ruth]

Stop.

[Cassie]

I just have to keep reminding myself.

[Nick Viall]

That, you know, maybe this trip would be a great way of doing that. You know, it's like, I'm doing this for me. It's very outside of the box for me. Me, I'm a little nervous about people judging it, but I'm doing this for an adventure. I'm doing this for myself. I'm not really. If people ask, I'll tell them. I'm really not gonna, like, announce it to the world. I'm gonna go have some fun. I'm gonna see some cool. And as far as the relationship with this guys, I don't. I don't know. Not really. Honestly. I'm not even trying to figure that out right now. I'm gonna go have fun, and I'm gonna have fun with the guy who's right now, company. I'm enjoying it, and it's not much deeper than that.

[Cassie]

Yeah, my mom said go so I'm like, okay, she knows me pretty well, so I need to listen. Okay, you got nothing to lose.

[Nick Viall]

If that's the case, then go.

[Cassie]

I'll keep you updated.

[Nick Viall]

All right, let me know.

[Cassie]

I sure will.

[Nick Viall]

All right, talk to you later.

[Cassie]

Have a good rest of your day.

[Nick Viall]

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[Kylie]

Hi, Nick. My name is Kylie. I'm 32 and I'm wondering if I should let my estranged dad walk me down the aisle.

[Nick Viall]

Okay, give me a little background.

[Kylie]

We've been on and off for probably a good amount of my life, probably since. Since middle school. My parents got separated and he. Rocky relationship, I guess, and he got remarried. And ever since he got remarried, I kind of feel like he wasn't putting his kids first or I guess never felt like he put his kids first. And I just got into, like, situations and I just kind of would cut him off when I would get frustrated, when I felt like he wasn't putting his kids first. So we just, we're both stubborn. So we'd go long periods of time without talking to each other and then, then he'd be like, oh, it's been a while. Like, let's just squash this. And I'd kind of just be like, okay, fine, it's been a while. And it was kind of like that for probably last 10 years, we'd go long periods of time without talking. And so about two years ago, I kind of cut him off again after a situation. And within that period of time, I got engaged. And he had heard through the grapevine that I got engaged. And I was hearing from my brother that he was wanting to reach out and he was going to reach out. And I was just like, don't care. Not going to talk to him. Like, he's only reaching out because I got engaged and this and that. And he reached out a couple times and I was ignoring him, being stubborn about it.

[Nick Viall]

And are you comfortable giving us. Giving me a little backstory on, like, I mean, other than he's maybe just like, not the best dad. Like, for example, Natalie has talked about her relationship with her dad at times. She's learned to accept that her dad. Dad just doesn't have that like the dad gene.

[Kylie]

Well, a lot of it. And it's so picky, nitpicky. But, like, Christmas Eve has always been my dad's time during the holidays. Like, my mom was Christmas. My dad was always Christmas Eve. We'd always celebrate it. And like, the last, probably again, ever since he got married, the last three or four Christmas Eves has kind of turned into his wife's side of the family's time. So we've kind of worked around that. And I live far away. I don't live near him anymore. But coming home for Christmas Eve, I would travel with my dog. And their side isn't like dogs. So it was, you know, put them in the garage for the day or, you know, come a different time. So it was just like, I'm just so used to my mom. On the other hand, she's like, whatever you need. I'll see you guys. Like, not a problem. So I see her who do anything for her kids, and I'm like, okay, my dad's choosing. And then, like, see it that way. Like, not seeing me because of a dog that would be around. Like, that was one instance. So I just was, like, frustrated. Another time we couldn't come over, and it was during COVID We couldn't come over unless we were vaccinated, and we had to wear masks in the house around each other and, you know, teach their own, which is fine. But I was just like, this is ridiculous. Is ridiculous. Like, my mom is like, who cares? Come home. I want to see you. Blah, blah, blah. And so. So that was kind of the last time. The last straw was just like, we're always working around his schedule and his wife's family during that time.

[Nick Viall]

And so another way to describe your relationship with your dad is that he has some boundaries he enforces that you don't necessarily agree with and often feel a little emotionally neglected by the result of your dad enforcing his boundaries, some of which are centered around his new wife that, you know, you're not super excited about.

[Kylie]

She's fine.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah, she's fine.

[Kylie]

I'm just like, yeah. I mean, she's. She's nice. I just. I'm. I feel weight towards her when I shouldn't.

[Nick Viall]

But, like, how. She's nice, but, like, correct me if I'm wrong, but anytime it feels like your dad chooses her over you, you feel a certain way about it.

[Kylie]

For sure.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah. Okay. Anything else?

[Kylie]

My. My brothers have a relationship with him, but it's very. Like, they talk every other week. Again, it's. He's not super close with any of me or my siblings type of thing. But I guess fast forward. I ended up reaching out to him after I ignored him a couple times about calling, about hearing I got engaged, and immediately I could tell he was excited. I called him back and. But immediately it was like, we didn't expect it, I guess, to talk about, like, what happened. Like, let's talk about why we stopped talking and how I feel, how he feels, etc. But immediately it was once the wedding. I can't wait to come, you know, I. Congratulations. And I was just really taken aback by, like, the assumption of him even going at the point in time and your dad. Yeah, I, Well, I. So much has happened, like with the wedding planning, when we weren't talking, like, he wasn't invited at the time. Like, there were so many things that were already put into play.

[Nick Viall]

No, I. I hear you. But do we agree that it's not crazy, despite how you processed your feelings and how you went about wedding planning, that it's probably not crazy that your dad assumed he would be invited despite the disconnect you guys experienced, that your dad was just like, of course my daughter is going to invite me to her wedding.

[Kylie]

Yeah. No, I mean, no, it's not a crazy assumption. I think I was just not ready for. To jump right into that conversation, I guess. But anyway, that happened and I. We hung up and I was just like, I don't know how I felt about that. So I fast forward. Like a week later, we had another conversation. I'd brought up how I wanted to talk and, you know, kind of go over what happened, why things happen. Like, it was hard for me to go from tears of no contact to immediately, when's the wedding, can't wait to go, blah, blah, blah. And he agreed. We had a good conversation. And like, ever since then, we talk, we're getting better, we're being better. I didn't really give him a definite answer of, yes, I would like you to go to my wedding because does.

[Nick Viall]

He know you're on the fence?

[Kylie]

So, well, Christmas came. I went home for Christmas Eve. Again.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah.

[Kylie]

Went and saw the family.

[Nick Viall]

Did you bring the dogs?

[Kylie]

No, did not bring the dogs. But everyone was there and we were just kind of sitting there talking, and all of a sudden, him and his wife come and sit down and we're talking wedding planning with other family members that are there. And it was like, crazy timing. Immediately someone was like, oh, how many people are invited? I'm like, oh, it's really small. You know, this. And this. And his wife, off the bat goes, I hope we're involved in that number. And I was like, gosh. So I was just like, yeah, you know, just trying to keep things chill. And so fast forward, I come home from Christmas, I called my dad, and at that point I was like, yes, we would like you to come to our wedding. But there's been a couple of things in play since we weren't talking at the time. One was, there's just no room on property for him to stay. It's just like a big, Or I guess a big property with no housing and that. We're just like, would it be space? I guess. And he's like, that's fine. We'll get a hotel close by, blah, blah, blah. And the other one was, at the time, I had asked my older brother to walk me down the aisle. So I told him that, and I thought he was going to be. Which again, talking to you, I shouldn't be surprised by his reaction, but I was. He was like, oh, you know, I think there's time to change your mind. You know, your brother could always just let me do it. Like, I don't think he would mind. I don't think he would care. And I was like, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Cool. Like, you know, when I didn't give a definite answer or anything, I just was just really shocked. So I called my older brother and explained just the situation and the conversation I had with my dad. And he was so upset, like, a decision. My older brother was really upset, which also surprised me. I think he just felt like my dad's not deserving of it. That's what he explained to me. And that, you know, he's like, for so long, you said, dad's not walking down the aisle. Dad's not walking down the aisle. Because I have said that. Because I've just been so, like, I felt like let down for so long. And it's. It's like it was spiteful. I feel like I've been like, waiting, like, pull that card. So he was upset and basically I've just been waiting it out.

[Nick Viall]

Can I ask you a kind of. A. Kind of a dark hypothetical.

[Kylie]

Yes.

[Nick Viall]

If you got a call today and found out your dad died in a car accident, how do you think you're.

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

How do you think you and your brother would process that?

[Kylie]

And I've thought about that. Like, I'm leaning away. Definitely leaning away. But I also, like, I go back and forth. But that's my thought is I feel like I would regret not having him walk me down the aisle versus the other way around.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah.

[Kylie]

Letting him, like, having him walk me down the aisle. I don't think I'd ever regret that. Regardless of how a relationship goes down.

[Nick Viall]

The road, I would tend to agree. You are going to invite people to your wedding that you lose touch with with. There will be people, however small it is, that show up to your wedding that, you know, you learn to dislike or distance yourself. I mean, it's inevitable.

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

So to your point, like, preserving the invitations for, you know, it's like this idea, it's just like. Well, I don't want, you know, it's like I had so and so at my wedding. It's not going to ruin your wedding, you know, like, Chuck was there. I don't fuck with Chuck anymore. Not friends with them. Like, it doesn't change your wedding. And to your point. Point. If you lose touch with your dad or does he does something truly unforgivable, I don't think that's gonna change how you feel about your wedding and certainly more importantly, your marriage. Now, I had an amazing wedding. I'm glad we had it, and I'm glad that she convinced me to have the wedding that we did, but doesn't really have any weight on our marriage, you know, or our relationship. But you're right. If you don't have your dad walk you down the aisle, there's a strong chance that you will regret it.

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

Because first of all, no matter what, it'll always taint your relationship with your dad. So whatever work you and your dad do on your relationship and you don't have him do that, it will be something that he will remember. Your brother getting so upset is interesting. It's not the response. It's not the responsibility of a brother. And I would think. I don't know. I'm sure he probably was honored that you asked. And if I'm your brother, he can still be honored that you. He was the person that you went to when you assumed your dad wouldn't. Might not be at your wedding, but.

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

Why would he want to come between that?

[Kylie]

Yeah. Well, I think if he also feels a little. I don't say left out. I probably left out because my younger brother is marrying me and my fiance. So I think he just wanted to have, like, a part.

[Nick Viall]

Have him read a passage or give a speech or, you know, like. Like, I. I didn't really have a best man. I had four groomsmen. Like, I picked people based off their talents.

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

Not their role. So Your dad could walk you down the aisle, but, like, maybe, you know, and if your dad wants to say something, you know, I wouldn't stop him from saying something per se, but, like, in your mind, it might not be the, like, hey, you could go to your brother and say, you know, I would love you to speak on the. The speech about, like, growing up with me. You know, like, almost like a father speech, but from the perspective of a brother that you feel closer with and you feel really understands you and understands the relationship with your fiance better than your dad would. If your dad wants to get up and say something, you can let him. But you know what I'm saying, There's a million ways you can make your brother feel included, because everything you're telling me, it just. It just sounds like petty family drama. You have the right to have expectations of your dad, and you can be disappointed of his shortcomings, but you're choosing to have no relationship with this your father because a couple times you didn't feel like he prioritized you in a way that you wanted to be prioritized. I don't know. Like, to me, the punishment doesn't really fit the crime. You're upset because he didn't want to prioritize you or show you attention, and your response to that is to completely cut him off again. Listen, some parents are better than others. Literally, just about being there, being attentive. I don't know. But then there's parents who were so in love with their kids, they spoiled the out of them and didn't teach them any independence. There's no perfect thing. But I think you kind of answered your question where it's just like, there's just not a lot of ways you're gonna regret. Yeah, we rarely regret giving people grace or turning the other cheek or forgiving people, even if they disappointed us. I mean, it's one thing if your dad hurt you in a way that God forbid, but like, disappointing you. And I think for the people who cut family members off because of disappointment, I mean, I think you could just. If you just change your ex, you know, you're. For example, you talk. Your brothers have these expert. Have a relationship with your dad that you don't, and partly because they probably just don't expect the same from your dad as you have and therefore don't get disappointed and don't get as upset. And they're just like, I don't know. That's. That's just that dad. I don't ever imagine dad's gonna show up and do X, Y or Z because that's not who he is. And you know, you, you kind of internalize that. Like, he would rather, you know, follow the, you know, a mask role and see his daughter and then you make it into this whole, like, thing.

[Kylie]

And no, and the expectation thing is, is so true. And that's kind of what I'm keeping in my brain constantly, like, as we are communicating again and more and more. And like, when I was talking to my brother, there's, you know, my dad was texting us in the group chat a lot, like when we started talking. And I'm like, this normal for, for dad, like, to be texting all this time. And they're like, no, this is so new. This is so strange. I'm like, how often do you and dad, like, talk? They're like, oh, like every other week. And I'm like, God, that's just so crazy to me because I mean, again, the expectation of like, talking to your parent, I mean, it's different for everyone. I'm just used to talking to everyone in my family, minus obviously my dad of lately, you know, every other day. And I get things are going on, but it's just having that expectation of he's going to call once a week, he's going to check in, he's going to see how we're doing. Love you. Bye. Have a good week. Yeah, and that's what he's been doing and it's. Everyone's been cruising along and that might.

[Nick Viall]

Change, you know, Do.

[Kylie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Viall]

You've heard the phrase hurt people hurt people. And you're. It sounds like your response to being frustrated at your dad is to punish him. Him. And the way your way of punishing him is to cut him off. And then that's why when, you know, listen, it is a little weird that you didn't talk to him a couple years and he was like, acted like nothing happened. Don't get me wrong, it is a little weird, but maybe he just didn't know what to say, you know. But your response of being like, well, why didn't you like. And part of the reason why you felt that way, I imagine, is because your motives for doing in the first place was to get a reaction from him, to punish him, to, to, hey, if you're going to treat me like this, I'm going to treat you like that. And then when he called you up and acted like he was indifferent to the way you treated him, it almost felt as if, like, back to like, expectations. But this is all to say that, like your dad. Whatever shortcomings your dad has as a parent, I promise you he'll probably regret it. He won't need you to punish him. You know, there's a lot of parents out there who are fully aware of their shortcomings or how they.

[Kylie]

They.

[Nick Viall]

For whatever reason, whether they needed to or felt like they needed to or, you know, prioritize themselves over their kids. You know, I think sometimes it's even fair. But like, I think usually I think most parents would want to believe that they. They always chose their kids over themselves. And I think your dad will probably have an appropriate amount of regret for. For the lack of closeness he might have with you at. At the right. You know.

[Kylie]

Yeah. I just don't know if he knows.

[Nick Viall]

Maybe not.

[Kylie]

Or he's gonna like awareness.

[Nick Viall]

All the more reason why punishing him is futile. It's like you don't even think your dad comprehends the disconnect. Meanwhile, you're punishing yourself by going out of your way to avoid this man who, you know is just like, doesn't have the. He's not a super affectionate guy who, Who. And again, like, if you talk about generational trauma all the time, you know, like, you know, we're not too far removed from. From any many kids growing up with families that never heard the word I love you from. From parents.

[Kylie]

Yes. Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

You know, whose parents weren't all that emotionally there and connected from it. And maybe your dad is, you know, in his mind, he's 10 times better than his parents ever were to him.

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Nick Viall]

I don't know. And at this point, it would. You would be making a spectacle at your wedding by not having your dad down the aisle. When your brother walks you down the aisle, you know what you're going to be thinking in that moment.

[Kylie]

Moment.

[Nick Viall]

Did I make the right decision? Why is it not dead you won't be thinking about. I do.

[Kylie]

No, I didn't. That's another thing. I think I'd be so worried and like, I'd almost feel like a. Yeah. Walking down the aisle at that point.

[Nick Viall]

You know, all because you chose to take a stand. Like, I don't like for what. Yeah, this is definitely. Do you want to be ready? Do you want to be happy? Situation.

[Kylie]

You know, for sure.

[Nick Viall]

And everything you're saying is, it's, you know, know, just let it go. You know, I. I think you. When it comes to your relationship with your dad, if you, if you tell yourself he's probably doing the best that he can do not as A way to make excuses for him. You can still communicate to your dad when you're disappointed. And. And I would temper your expectations of him, making you feel like he cares. You can still tell him. Right. But like, cutting him off, you can be frustrated, not talk to him for a couple weeks. That's normal. Cool off, get. You know, but like, going out of your way to. To just not being in his life is. It sounds like you're just hurting yourself.

[Kylie]

No, you're right. And I slowly recognizing that, especially now that we're talking more and just day by day, week by week with him and just again, having that expectation of, you know, kind of surface level.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah. Which is better than nothing.

[Kylie]

Yeah, that's true. And I guess, yeah, I was like, cutting him off. I mean, it was stubborn and petty on my part, but then I'm also like, well, he didn't. And this is just. I know you're gonna roast me on this one, but in my mind, I'm like, well, he didn't reach out to me either for two years, so.

[Nick Viall]

Yeah. I mean, listen, it doesn't sound like your dad is like, the best dad ever, you know, like, he's not. Yeah, he's not. And you have the right to be disappointed and frustrated, but, you know, it's. He's still your dad. And, And. And there are probably reasons and, you know, like, I think that's just the thing. It's just like we. We are who we are to a certain extent, and you recognize your own stubbornness and, and yourself and how you get that from your dad. You know, I'm sure at times he might feel rejected. It's like his own kid refuses to talk to him. He's like, well, I'm not gonna beg. I'm here.

[Kylie]

Yeah. I think we're both just playing victim.

[Nick Viall]

Honestly, life gets a lot easier when you can. You. When you can. Can own your own without other people owning theirs.

[Kylie]

Yeah. All right.

[Nick Viall]

Well, congratulations on the engagement.

[Ruth]

Thanks.

[Nick Viall]

I, I. Listen, I. As far as your brother goes, I would say I really. First of all, thank you for being willing to do this. Second of all, it. Honestly, I'm moved that you're frustrated. That being said, like, I just. I don't want to regret not having dad on there. I know he's not the best dad, and we've all. We all known that, but I. It's just going to be in my head. I do want you to be a part of my wedding because I love you and I care about you. You. And I would really love for you to give like the. The speech of the wedding in lieu of Dad. I mean, if dad wants to give a speech, I'm not going to stop him. But, like, I don't have any expectations of dad giving the type of speech I'm hoping is. Is done at my wedding when. When talking about myself and my journey to get here and my relationship with, you know, like, I think that could be meaningful. But at the end of the day, it's your. Your wedding and everyone needs to just get in line and understand that.

[Kylie]

Yeah, they're starting to learn that. Gosh. But yeah, I'm letting it kind of just give him some time. My brother's pro. Someone that wants to probably sit on it for a little bit, but soon I do want to have that conversation about, I guess the final decision.

[Nick Viall]

But yeah, I mean, I think it should be pretty easy.

[Kylie]

You know, he's also still mad about the Bears losing.

[Nick Viall]

I'm not.

[Kylie]

I know he'll be all right.

[Nick Viall]

All right, well, listen, thanks for the call. I understand family is frustrating, but.

[Kylie]

Yeah, yeah. Well, I appreciate it. I appreciate you taking your time.

[Nick Viall]

Good luck out there. Let us know what happens.

[Kylie]

Yeah, we'll do. Thank you.

[Nick Viall]

All right, take care.

[Kylie]

Bye.

[Nick Viall]

What's up, everybody? We have a very exciting announcement for all the ass Nick audience out there. We have new Instagram and TikTok specifically for Ask Nick. So if you want to avoid all the pop culture and reality TV content that we're putting out there and just focus on all things relationship, dating, interpersonal relationships, and just Ask Nick content, just please give us a follow. It's Ask Nick Viall on Instagram and TikTok. So give us a follow and enjoy. We'll be glad that you did. Think switching to T Mobile is a whole complicated thing? Nah, it's easy. You could do it almost anywhere in just 15 minutes. Even poolside like Drew Ski, you can switch to T Mobile and unlock savings that are built to last. With T mobile's better value plan, you can save over a thousand dollars a year versus Verizon at, at&t. Save on streaming satellite and more benefits than they leave out. I get all to be a VIP perks. Start saving from day one and for a limited time, get T mobile's better value plan. I know you love deals. Plus, switch right now and we'll even pay off your old phone up to 800 bucks. What do you think of all that? Drew Ski? Stay chilling. Just switch it. It's better over here. Check them out. T mobile dot com.

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