The Viall Files – Episode E1075 "Ask Nick: He's in Japan, I'm DTF" (Feb 9, 2026)
Host: Nick Viall
Co-hosts: Natalie Joy, Kylie, Ruth, Cassie
Episode Overview
This "Ask Nick" installment of The Viall Files takes on callers' most pressing relationship dilemmas with Nick’s signature blend of directness, empathy, and humor. The episode’s three main discussions touch on wedding drama with an ex’s interference, the complicated emotion of flying to Japan for a reconnection during divorce, and whether to allow an estranged parent a place of honor in a wedding ceremony. Listeners get classic Nick advice on honesty, emotional boundaries, and choosing personal growth—even when it’s hard.
Key Callers & Discussion Points
1. Should I Tell My Fiance About My Ex’s Email?
Caller: Ruth, 36
Main Topic: Whether to tell her fiancé about being contacted by a toxic ex before her wedding.
Key Discussion Points:
- Ruth's ex emailed her one month after her engagement, wishing her well in a backhanded way:
"I heard you're getting married. I hope it's everything I couldn't give you..." [04:17] - She's hesitant to tell her fiancé because he’s “very jealous,” worried her ex still having contact would set him off.
- She acknowledges she should have told her fiancé immediately, but she deleted the email and sought friends’ and parents’ advice instead.
- Nick challenges Ruth’s reasoning for hiding it, pointing out the potential damage to trust and communication:
"Your actions and how you're interpreting this situation almost implies that you have some unresolved feelings...in a relationship, if you're not fully transparent or honest, that's a slippery slope." [06:45]
- Nick stresses that not telling is a bigger problem than the ex’s contact:
"Honestly, your bigger problem isn’t your ex. It’s figuring out how to be honest with your fiancé..." [10:52]
- Ruth confesses she overthinks and bottles up anxiety, which leads her to avoid sharing uncomfortable truths.
- Nick recommends a direct and humble approach, owning the mistake without making it dramatic:
"You just own it all. Sometimes you catch people off guard by really owning things right away...That earns a kind of forgiveness." [16:34]
Notable Quotes:
- Ruth: "I feel like there should be no secrets, or—not secrets—but just nothing you're hiding..." [15:35]
- Nick: "Sometimes our feelings lie to us. They're feelings, not truths. How we process those feelings is the difference between being a little kid and being an emotionally regulated adult." [49:43]
Actionable Advice from Nick:
- Keep it to a 5-minute conversation; don't build it up into a huge deal.
- Be honest about the delay and your anxiety.
- Use the moment to discuss future expectations and communication norms.
2. Should I Fly to Japan to See a Fling While Going Through a Divorce?
Caller: Cassie, 25
Main Topic: Debating whether to visit an old situationship in Japan while legally separated (but not yet divorced).
Key Discussion Points:
- Cassie can’t be legally divorced for a year in her state—her ex is dating ("caught on Are We Dating the Same Guy?" Facebook group).
- The Japan guy was a former fling before her marriage; he’s now in the military and stationed overseas.
- She and the Japan guy have been talking daily, with a playful, ongoing romantic chemistry.
- Cassie’s torn: is she "running away" or doing something adventurous for herself? Is she using this as a fantasy to cope with divorce pain?
- Nick pushes her to examine her true motives:
"If you're only going because you ‘like this guy,’ that's not enough. Japan should be an adventure for yourself first." [35:00]
- She’s also worried about her soon-to-be ex’s judgment and the ongoing emotional control he exerts:
"Your ex partner's feelings are not really your problem anymore. And if he is overreacting...you don't have to listen to it." [42:19]
- Nick identifies Cassie’s struggle with boundaries and over-worrying about others’ opinions:
"You have to take ownership of, 'these are my feelings.' And now I have to work on processing those feelings and understand why I feel the way I do." [51:13]
Notable Quotes:
- Cassie: "I think my fear is being in a small town and knowing my ex is so ... you can't be with anyone else...so I'm not gonna go out and try to meet people because he's just gonna come for me." [39:10]
- Nick: "You should focus on yourself, your needs, invest in yourself, be open to taking adventures. Don't rush into relationships out of familiarity." [40:00]
- Kylie (co-host): "Basically, f*** it. Go." [44:43]
Actionable Advice from Nick:
- If you wouldn't regret going even if nothing romantic happens, then go.
- Don't hinge the trip on the potential of romance—make the purpose your own adventure.
- Set boundaries on communication if talking daily to Japan guy becomes a surrogate relationship or a block to meeting others.
- Seek legal advice about how any travel or actions might impact divorce proceedings.
3. Should I Let My Estranged Dad Walk Me Down the Aisle?
Caller: Kylie, 32
Main Topic: Wrestling with whether her emotionally distant dad deserves the honor at her wedding.
Key Discussion Points:
- Kylie and her dad have a long, intermittent relationship, mostly marked by his emotional unavailability and boundary-setting around his new wife.
- After a period of silence, her dad reemerges upon hearing of her engagement, swiftly assuming he’s invited and will walk her down the aisle—this assumption rattled Kylie.
- Her brother is upset at the idea of their dad walking her, feeling he doesn’t deserve it given their relationship.
- Nick points out the futility of “punishing” her dad for not having the dad gene, instead prompting Kylie to reflect on regret:
"If you don’t have your dad walk you down the aisle, there’s a strong chance that you will regret it...It will always taint your relationship with your dad." [71:29]
- Nick frames the wedding as one day among many, unlikely to be harmed by the inclusion of imperfect relatives:
"You are going to invite people to your wedding that you lose touch with...It’s inevitable." [71:54]
- He advises assigning Kylie's brother a meaningful role beyond walking her—like a speech or special reading—to honor his support.
Notable Quotes:
- Nick: "We rarely regret giving people grace or turning the other cheek or forgiving people, even if they disappointed us. I mean, it’s one thing if your dad hurt you in a way that’s unforgivable, but disappointing you?" [73:17]
- Kylie: “I guess, yeah, I was like, cutting him off. I mean, it was stubborn and petty on my part, but then I'm also like, well, he didn't reach out to me either for two years...” [80:49]
Actionable Advice from Nick:
- Reframe expectations: Accept your dad’s limits and meet him where he is emotionally.
- Don’t make the wedding a spectacle or a statement—err on the side of inclusion for life’s big moments.
- Communicate honestly with both her dad and her brother about their roles.
Memorable Moments & Quotes
- On relationship honesty: (Nick to Ruth)
"You justify your choices because your ex is jealous. And you kind of convince yourself the reason you’re not fully transparent is because you don’t want them to get mad..." [06:45]
- On living for oneself after divorce: (Nick to Cassie)
"You should be able to live your life. Don't let your ex control your choices—even in your head." [55:24]
- On family estrangement: (Nick to Kylie)
"Hurt people hurt people. Your way of punishing [your dad] is to cut him off. Meanwhile, you're punishing yourself..." [77:05]
- Mic drop advice:
"Sometimes our feelings lie to us. They're feelings, not truths. How we process those feelings is the difference between being a little kid and being an emotionally regulated adult." [49:43]
Timestamps for Major Segments
- Ruth — Ex’s email dilemma: [02:47] – [26:32]
- Cassie — Japan fling & divorce: [30:59] – [60:33]
- Kylie — Estranged dad & wedding: [63:04] – [83:18]
Overall Tone & Takeaways
Nick maintains his hallmark tone: supportive but no-nonsense, consistently challenging callers not to hide from hard conversations or avoid uncomfortable feelings. He champions personal growth—advocating for direct honesty with partners, seeing new adventures as self-care, and giving reluctant grace to imperfect family. The episode is rich with self-reflection prompts, compassionate “hard truths,” and plenty of moments where callers (and listeners) are nudged to choose connection and authenticity over avoidance and resentment.