The Viall Files, Ep. 1079: Ask Nick – His Parents Act Like Children

Date: February 16, 2026
Host: Nick Viall
Co-hosts: Natalie Joy, the Household
Episode Type: Ask Nick (listener advice call-in)

Overview

In this episode of “Ask Nick,” Nick Viall and his team offer thoughtful, candid guidance to listeners grappling with relationship, family, and dating dilemmas. Today's episode features three distinct stories:

• Lucy, questioning whether her picky dating habits are self-sabotage or healthy discernment
• Lauren, struggling with toxic, manipulative in-laws and seeking strategies for protecting her family’s peace
• Yvonne, trying to reconcile her self-confidence in leaving unhealthy relationships with repeated patterns of getting hurt in the dating world

The conversations are warm, empathetic, and peppered with practical advice and sharp self-awareness checks.

Caller #1: Lucy (25) — Am I Self-Sabotaging or Just Not Meeting My Match?

Segment: [00:54 – 28:42]

Main Issues & Discussion Points

• Lucy wonders if she’s too nitpicky in dating or simply hasn’t met “her guy.” She describes a pattern of getting “the ick” (losing interest) over small things as soon as a guy gets close emotionally or physically.
• Specific “icks” included trivial reasons (like a guy laughing too hard at her joke) and some legitimate incompatibilities (religious differences, premature intimacy).
• She reveals a past relationship where her boyfriend cheated, but feels she’s learned from it instead of being scared of heartbreak.
• Lucy’s anxiety increases as things get more serious, possibly as a defense mechanism from her unresolved issues with relationships, influenced by her parents’ unhealthy dynamic.
• She wants to be able to date more casually but struggles, often jumping to “is he the one?” thinking. She worries she's “wasting" good guys.

Key Insights & Advice

• Trust Your Intuition: Nick affirms that not being into someone is often just intuition and not always self-sabotage.
• Healthy Discernment: Not everyone is your match just because they’re “nice.” That’s not a sign of a problem.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Being young and having higher standards is not a flaw; she’s saving herself from drawn-out mismatches.
• Try One More Date: If she suspects she’s being too reactive, she can intentionally go on a second date with someone who gives her “the ick” to test if it’s a real issue.
• Check Your Narrative: Just because she hasn’t had positive relationship models doesn’t mean she’s doomed or broken.
• On Regret:
  “You haven’t missed any of them. Chances are they’re not your guy.” — Nick ([12:55])
• Take Dating Breaks: Normalizing time off the apps and breaks from dating.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Lucy (about dating patterns):
  “Every date I’ve been on, I was kind of like, either in the middle of it, I was like, I want to leave, or like, I just had no interest.” ([04:04])
• Lucy (on getting the ick after intimacy increases):
  “Every time the guy wants to introduce me to his friends or, like, get closer, that’s when I pull away.” ([07:36])
• Nick (on distinguishing self-sabotage):
  “More self-sabotage is when you really are like, you have a deep connection and you really care for someone and you do destructive things...” ([22:40])
• Lucy (reflection):
  “Once I match with someone, my thoughts immediately go to, like, well, this is it...” ([18:12])
• Nick (comforting Lucy):
  “You’re doing a good job of not wasting your time... give yourself some grace. And when a relationship ends... you could just be okay with it.” ([27:29])

Caller #2: Lauren (34) — How Do I Protect My Family from My Husband’s Toxic Parents?

Segment: [28:45 – 61:21]

Main Issues & Discussion Points

• Lauren and her husband have dealt with years of guilt-tripping, emotional manipulation, boundary-crossing, and DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim/offender) tactics from his parents.
• The arrival of their child has heightened their in-laws’ demands and bad behavior, exposing deeper patterns from her husband’s childhood (scapegoat/golden child dynamics).
• Examples include the in-laws telling family Lauren and her husband excluded them from the hospital at the child’s birth (untrue), name-calling, yelling, and using inheritance as emotional leverage.
• Lauren’s husband is deeply affected, having panic attacks, feeling alone, and struggling between loyalty and hurt.
• Lauren worries about setting firm boundaries, wanting to support her husband while not being responsible for “breaking up” family connections.

Key Insights & Advice

• Stop Reacting, Stop Rewarding: Nick points out that the parents thrive on attention and drama. “You have to stop giving them the attention they so are aggressively pining for while still being like, ‘I love you.’” ([44:28])
• Silent Boundaries: Sometimes boundaries are best enforced through action and withdrawal—not confrontation.
• Focus on Your Core Family: Prioritize your well-being, your marriage, and your child’s peace, over extended family drama. “Check in with each other, make sure you two are OK.”
• On Attendance at Events:
  “If it’s so bad, why keep inviting them to these events?” ([41:35])
• Central Quote:
  “Your priority isn’t them right now... All you can do is support each other and say you’re doing a good job. This is okay.” — Nick ([53:55])
• Be a United Front: Disappointment and guilt are part of establishing healthy boundaries. Shared reassurance is key: “Support him, reinforce the things he needs... you should make each other feel less alone.” ([54:59])
• Avoid Over-explanation: “Don’t spend your time explaining yourself to people not interested in logic.” ([40:24])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lauren (on parental manipulation):
  “It’s almost like making my husband afraid to upset them.” ([30:44])
• Lauren (on in-laws’ meltdown):
  “Tears from father-in-law and full-blown meltdown from mother-in-law... because my child wanted to play with their friend instead of them.” ([37:22])
• Nick (on dealing with difficult in-laws):
  “Honestly, you got to look at them like six-year-olds.” ([55:44])
• Lauren (realization):
  “I feel frustrated... for spending my son’s first year of life letting so much of this take up mental energy.” ([57:03])
• Nick (advice on presence):
  “On the way to the trip, hold each other’s hand... This is going to be wacky and wild and who knows what they’re going to say? But you know what? We have each other, and that’s all that really matters.” ([60:03])

Caller #3: Yvonne (22) — Why Can I Leave Unhealthy Relationships but Get Hurt When Dating?

Segment: [61:22 – 83:26]

Main Issues & Discussion Points

• Yvonne is frustrated by a pattern: she’s confident leaving toxic relationships, but in casual dating situations, she keeps giving chances to men who don’t treat her well or don’t want the same things.
• She describes cycles of hooking up after hopeful conversations, only to be ghosted or let down, and then feeling she’s lost self-respect.
• Recurring theme: She chases validation from men who previously rejected her, even when she realizes she doesn’t truly like them anymore.
• She’s self-aware that her ego is driving her decisions, wanting to prove her worth to those who previously didn’t choose her.

Key Insights & Advice

• Give Yourself Grace: Nick reassures her this is part of her “growing pains”—not a sign she’s lost her strength.
• Check Your Ego: Notice when longing is about validation rather than genuine connection.
• Slow Down—Adopt ‘Let’s See’ Mentality: Don’t make big emotional or physical commitments based on one promising conversation. Wait to see actions follow words.
• Boundaries for Self-Respect: If hooking up causes regret, try slowing down physical involvement until genuine trust and investment are established.
• Not Every Mistake is a Disaster: “The only thing you hurt was your ego.” ([81:03])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Yvonne (on chasing validation):
  “I always thought each time he was gonna fully commit, and it never happened.” ([76:12])
• Nick (on post-rejection vulnerability):
  “When you get rejected by someone, have the self-awareness that that person immediately has the potential to have power over me.” ([81:17])
• Nick (on lessons learned):
  “Don’t be such a sucker for one good conversation.” ([81:14])
• Yvonne (self-awareness):
  “I don’t want to become hardened. I just want to become discerning again.” ([79:47])

Closing Thoughts

This “Ask Nick” delivers deeply empathetic, reality-based coaching focused on:

• Trusting intuition vs. self-sabotage
• Protecting peace from toxic relatives
• Navigating the emotional landmines of dating in your 20s
• The critical importance of self-compassion and honest self-reflection in the singles journey

Essential Takeaways:

• You’re allowed (and encouraged) to say no to nice people who aren’t your people.
• Boundaries with family protect the family you create—not just yourself.
• Ego is a tricky motivator in dating; patience and grace help break unhealthy patterns.
• There’s growth and strength in learning from mistakes and not rushing the process.

Signature Nick Viall line:
“You’re doing a good job of not wasting your time... you don’t have to self-analyze every time. You shouldn’t be into most guys.” ([27:29])

For more relationship guidance and community support, follow @AskNickViall on Instagram and TikTok.