Nick Viall (47:29)
You know, I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I mean, like, you know, if I, like, shadowed you for a week, I'm sure I could give you a note or two. The problem isn't you. I mean, there's a lot of problems when it comes to dating in. In 2026. Hookup culture, the apps, things like that. I think right now, you know, the way you talk about the apps is it's like everyone's on the apps, which they are. It's the only way to meet people, which it isn't. It's certainly where most people are meeting each other these days. It has a lot of obstacles. So I think for anyone who goes on the apps nowadays, especially if you're trying it for the first time and you don't really have and you're not like a seasoned vet on the app, where you've kind of. You've realized what it is and what it isn't and you kind of have an objective expectation of it, is to have the lowest of expectations of the app. And at this point, I do think the apps, they're not designed to help people find love. I agree with that. They are designed to get people to stay on the apps. That's all apps are. You know, they're there to make money, and they only make money when people are using them. And if everyone in the world found love tomorrow, then there'd be no one to go on the app. So you're only 23. I'm sure it doesn't necessarily feel like I've said this all the time. Today is the oldest you've ever been. And when you think about your age, especially when you get into our 20s, it starts feeling like you're like, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm 23. You've never been this old. And I'm sure from your perspective, you don't feel as young as I look at you and say, oh, she's only 23. She's got this whole life ahead of her. And so I think, you know, it's. I think it's great. You know, I think your mom's right. Get out there, meet People. But I think you just need to take a breath when it comes to finding love. I think there's a difference of being intentional to, like, tell yourself that you are focused on meeting your person and you're open to meeting your person without, like, applying so much pressure on yourself and making it an obsession where every, you know, every time you go out, it is to find a God, as opposed to, I'm going to go out, I'm going to hang out with my girls, I'm going to have a good time, maybe I'll meet a guy. I'm open to meeting a guy. I'm certainly not closed off to meeting a guy. And maybe I'll be surprised. You know, you kind of always have to go out with this kind of, like, curiosity and open to being surprised rather than going, whether it's on the apps, whether it's going out to the bars, make it your whole mission so that if it doesn't happen, you leave disappointed. You should have zero expectations on the apps. Right? Like it there. It's just a bunch of strangers. You have no idea who these people are. Hell, you don't even know if they're real. You know, you don't know how updated their pictures are. It's really important for you to trust your gut. So when you are saying, hey, can I see your Instagram? And he comes back with a, that's too personal. If you're like, well, no, it's not immediately at that point, save all the energy that you wasted with this guy and just know that, yep, this stranger, this person I don't even know is real. For all I know, it's a bot, is not my guy. I'm going to move on. You just immediately unmatch. You know, you knew nothing about this person other than a couple pictures. You asked a very basic question. He took exception to that and let you know that you guys weren't on the same page. Before he even met this guy, he was like, we're not on the same page. I mean, immediately just unmatch, you know, not, you know, it's not to be rude. You don't have to, like, you don't have to be mean about it. You could just, oh, okay, well, if he thinks that's personal, I think that's normal. I mean, I've known, I've communicated with a stranger for five seconds and already we're not on the same page, you know, so, like, don't waste, don't get in a fight with people. You're fighting with strangers for all you Know you're fighting with a robot. Do the little things to help yourself out. Right? Because, again, dating is frustrating. It's exhausting. This paradigm, I don't know if Paradigm, you know, whatever. I mean, sometimes I just throw out words. I don't even know the meaning. And the most frustrating thing about love and dating, especially in 2026, is that we still want to find something special. We still want to find something unique. We still want to watch the Notebook and feel like, yep, the love I found with my person is as euphoric as these crazy characters in this movie. But we also don't want it to be hard. We don't want to have to write 365 love letters in one year and wait 20 years to find love like they did in the Notebook or whatever. We want it to just happen. You want to go on the apps for a couple months, swipe a few times, go on a couple dates, and you want to meet your guy and have it be, like, amazing, which I get. I mean, we all do, you know, but that's just kind of not realistic. So dating is about going on 10 dates just to, like, one person. I mean, that's dating. And that one person doesn't mean it's going to be your guy. It just mean it might be the person you, like, are interested in, and maybe they're not interested in you. And it might have. It might take 10, 20 dates or 20 matches at least to find someone who's like, there's a mutual compatibility. And then you date that person for a period of time only to realize while they were good, they weren't great, you know? And that is, unfortunately, the reality of dating. And that does sound exhausting, and it is exhausting. But the thing that you can do to help yourself is to not waste your energy on things that you know are a waste of time. Like the guy who's like, that's a personal question. You're like, that's. That's literally. You think that's personal. We're not. You know what I'm saying? Like, to not get frustrated, you know, like going on the dating apps. Just know you're going to see a lot of bad options. And instead of getting discouraged by all the people you don't like, you yourself said, I'm picky, I'm particular, I have high standards. That's awesome. Well, you can't have high standards. And like everybody, high standards requires patience and high standards in anything, whether it's, you know, if you. If you had high standards at your job, you know, you would take a little bit more extra time to make sure it's done right. Where other people might be, like, yeah, I'm done. I don't know, Like. And you might be a little bit more patient to check your work to make sure it's right to review it. And, yeah, highest standards requires patience. And a lot of people in dating like to say, I have high standards. I'm picky. And that's true. But they also don't have the patience. They're like, I've been on the app for four months. What the fuck? You know, I think overall, you're doing everything fine. You're overanalyzing your dating app. You're like, well, this one got the most engagement. I mean, like, I. Listen, it's hookup culture to the max right now. Not to discourage you, but I would venture that most of the guys on the app, you know, they might read that and go, oh, that's sweet. And maybe they want to get married someday, but most of them are probably looking for a hot date and maybe a fun hookup. The energy that you are using to be, like, to find validation and people liking your profile isn't doing you any good. You know, again, use the apps, but just have a very low expectation. Most people are on it, playing hot or not. I would maybe check in. I mean, I would limit your time on it and just, you know, again, you know, have fun with it. Just goof around. It is a silly thing. It's become comical. Apps, right? But you can still meet people, right? Like, I met my wife on Instagram. So, like, it can still be possible, but, like, you shouldn't be. Like, Instagram or the dating apps are my key to, like, finding, you know, it's. It. There are doors and windows to rooms you want to fill. So leave them a little cracked open, you know, don't close yourself off. You know, be open to meeting people. I really think we're gonna. You know, like, I saw this graph, like, in the. You know, how people met their partner, you know, from like, 1950 to now, right? And it was just kind of talking about how the Internet has taken over. And at this time, it was like. Like, you know, zero people met on the line because, well, online didn't exist, right? And then most people met people through friends and family, church, school, college, whatever. And obviously now it's like, now 60% of people are marrying their person online. And I think over time, there'll be a bit of a renaissance or a shift. I think your mom is right. I think the more you just can get out there and engage with people in the real world and slow down and just try to meet people and have fun with people, not with the expectation of finding a husband, but just to meet friends. And when you find a spark, lean into that, ask questions. But just know that even in the real world, as a picky particular person, you are not supposed to like everyone, and they are not supposed to like. You don't get discouraged when you go out on a Friday night and you don't meet a guy. You're probably not going to meet a guy. When I was the Bachelor or every bachelor or Bachelorette who's ever gone on that show, the show is, you know, they're saying, we have found the 25 or 30 most eligible people in the world. And then every lead who, like, goes out there, they're like. They may be like, two. And that's because we were. We all are all picky, and we. We're not just gonna fall in love with anyone. It doesn't matter if they're all attractive people. It doesn't matter if they're all, like, fairly, like, good catches. You know, for a lot of us out there, the Bachelor casking can go out and find, like. Like the 25 most eligible people. And that. That one lead is still like, I don't know, maybe two, you know, so think about that when you go out to the bars. You know, you could walk into a bar and have a bunch of guys, and you're not supposed to, like, fall in love with any of them. If you do great, you should. Then that. And that's why when it does happen, you have a hard time sleeping because you're so excited. You know, you're. You're just like, this is. Oh, my God. This is this person real. You know, like, and even then, you might find out that being a total piece of shit, and then they might not like you. But, like, I think you just have to slow down and enjoy the journey a little bit. Have some fun. You're not. And stop being so hard on yourself. And when things don't work out, whether it's online, certainly online or out at the bars, you don't have to overanalyze, what am I doing wrong? Okay. It's just part of the process. You should, like, it's. You should just be like, it's just dating and kind of take it easy on yourself.
