The Viall Files – E1094 "Ask Nick: I Like My Coworker… But I'm HR"

Date: March 16, 2026
Host: Nick Viall (with occasional input from Natalie Joy and the Household)

Episode Overview

This "Ask Nick" episode of The Viall Files centers on practical, compassionate relationship and dating advice for the modern age. Listeners call in with real-life dilemmas, from navigating tricky feelings for a coworker (especially when working in HR), to evaluating healthy but lacking-chemistry relationships, to the frustrations and realities of dating in your 20s—particularly in a world dominated by dating apps.

Through three substantial caller conversations, Nick Viall offers perspective, reassurance, and his signature blend of empathy and tough love, encouraging listeners to challenge their narratives, be patient, and stay honest with themselves in the sometimes frustrating search for connection.

Key Segments & Insights

1. "I Like My Coworker… But I'm HR" (Caller: Mary, age 25)

Timestamps: 01:59–17:39
Situation Recap:

Mary, 25, works in HR and has developed a crush on a 26-year-old coworker in another department.
She is confident there is chemistry and some flirtation, but workplace romance feels taboo, especially from someone in HR.
Company policy doesn’t prohibit office relationships unless there’s a direct reporting line (which there isn't).
She wonders if she should take the initiative since, as the HR representative, the guy may fear making the first move.

Discussion Highlights:

Narrative Caution: Nick gently challenges Mary’s narrative that her crush “checks all the boxes,” reminding her, “the narratives we have in our head become our reality” and to stay open-minded (03:25).
Workplace Optics: Nick notes, “All those 40-year-olds, they're noticing the young hotties flirting is all... It’s probably fun for them” (06:11), highlighting that workplace gossip is inevitable, but it's not necessarily an issue.
Initiative and Gender Roles: Nick encourages Mary not to get hung up on traditional roles ("I don’t think you should walk up to him with a bouquet of flowers," 11:39), but that it’s okay—in 2026 especially—for women to initiate, especially given the HR dynamic.
Rejection Fear: Nick normalizes Mary’s fear of rejection: “It won't kill you. It will suck for a brief period, but it won't be the worst day of your life” (17:11).
Advice for Pursuing: He suggests a casual approach: “What are you doing tonight? There’s a place I wanted to try…” (14:23), making it low-pressure but opening the door for a non-work interaction.
Big Picture Message: Don’t over-complicate: “There’s one layer, really. I’m in HR and we work together. Other than that, he's just a guy and this is how you met” (16:14).

Notable Quotes:

“Let’s not pretend that you’re being so covert that no one notices you guys hanging out…” – Nick (07:31)
“I think if you, being in the role that you are giving this situation and the dynamic... if you make the first move, I don't think that makes him incapable of leading in the relationship.” – Nick (12:00)
“It might be a signal for you to try it. It might be good practice.” – Nick (12:56)

Memorable Moment:
Mary admits, “I’ve never done that before,” to which Nick replies, “Good practice... the days of ‘I never do this’ are outdated and antiquated” (12:00).

2. "Should I Be More Excited for My Boyfriend?" (Caller: Sarah, age 29)

Timestamps: 22:24–37:39
Situation Recap:

Sarah, 29, has been dating a man for about 10 weeks. They’re compatible on values and life goals, but she questions the lack of excitement and chemistry.
She feels relieved when he's gone and anxious when she knows he'll call.
She struggles with the idea of compromising chemistry for compatibility and wonders if she’s expecting too much "spark".

Discussion Highlights:

Anxiety vs. Chemistry: Nick examines if her anxiousness is due to feeling pressure from the guy’s interest or her own lack of feeling. “You feel like he has an expectation…You don't know how to meet that expectation right now, so you feel anxious.” (26:03)
Compatibility vs. Chemistry: Nick acknowledges both are important; “Chemistry is really important too. I think we all vastly overweigh chemistry and ignore compatibility. Some relationships out there are solely based off of how two people felt when they first met...” (33:03)
Arranged Marriage Framework: Nick references the high success rate of arranged marriages as a thought exercise, noting, “If this was an arranged marriage…you would be one of the lucky ones” (34:28), implying satisfaction can grow from compatibility, but only if that matches personal preference and cultural expectations.
Permission to Move On: Nick reassures her, “If you let him go...if ultimately, if you’re not feeling regret and if you're feeling relief...then you'll have your answer.” (34:12)
Reflect on Your Needs: Sarah realizes she does need some "pull" or spark, landing on a more confident position about ending the relationship if it’s not there.

Notable Quotes:

“...The most frustrating thing about love and dating, especially in 2026, is that we still want to find something special...but we also don't want it to be hard.” – Nick (47:28, originally in a later section but echoes across his advice)
“You found a nice friend. You respect him, but like, he’s not your guy.” – Nick (37:09)

Memorable Moment:
Sarah describes her internal conflict writing a Valentine's Day card she felt she couldn't fill out honestly: “I can’t lie. I don’t miss him when he’s gone...” (24:29).

3. "How Do I Date Better in My 20s?" (Caller: Bri, age 23)

Timestamps: 41:05–61:44
Situation Recap:

Bri, 23, is frustrated with dating apps (lack of responses, fading conversations) and IRL dating (not meeting people, feeling self-doubt about her age/appearance).
She wonders if there’s something wrong with her profile or approach, and her mother is encouraging her to go out more to meet people.

Discussion Highlights:

Modern Dating Fatigue: Nick validates the exhausting nature of modern dating: “At this point, I do think the apps, they're not designed to help people find love...They are designed to get people to stay on the apps.” (47:29)
No "Fix" Needed: Nick reassures her, “The problem isn’t you…The apps have a lot of obstacles” (47:29). He encourages her to take a breath, lower expectations, and not overanalyze every experience or message.
Patience & High Standards: “You can’t have high standards and like everybody. High standards require patience…” (53:02) He notes that only after many dates is it typical to connect with someone truly compatible.
Real World Approach: Nick agrees with Bri’s mom; “The more you can just get out there and engage with people in the real world...try to meet people and have fun...not with the expectation of finding a husband, but just to meet friends…” (54:40)
Feedback Filtering: Nick warns against taking rejection personally or overvaluing feedback from strangers or matches: “Don’t listen to the feedback from people you barely know and I wouldn’t listen to the feedback from anyone online because you don’t know them at all.” (59:24)
Process Focus: Encourages Bri to enjoy her age, lean into friendships, and not waste energy on over-analysis: “Don’t waste 23…Be intentional. Be open. Be positive. It’ll happen.” (61:10)

Notable Quotes:

“It’s just dating and kind of take it easy on yourself.” – Nick (57:44)
“You’re only 23, so enjoy this. Have fun with your friends. Don’t waste 23…” – Nick (61:10)
“High standards in anything…require patience.” – Nick (53:02)

Memorable Moment:
Bri describes her perpetual cycle on the apps: “I match with them. They don’t even message me. They just match with me, don’t even say anything.” (46:56), highlighting a universal frustration for modern daters.

Notable Quotes & Speaker Attribution

"Let’s not pretend that you’re being so covert that no one notices you guys hanging out and talking."
— Nick (07:31, regarding office relationships)
"I think if you, being in the role that you are... make the first move, I don't think that makes him incapable of leading in the relationship."
— Nick (12:00, to Mary)
"There’s one layer, really. I’m in HR and we work together. And that makes things a little different than any other guy I might be interested in dating. Other than that, he's just a guy..."
— Nick (16:14)
"You found a nice friend. You respect him, but like, he’s not your guy."
— Nick (37:09, to Sarah)
“At this point, I do think the apps, they're not designed to help people find love...They are designed to get people to stay on the apps.”
— Nick (47:29, to Bri)
“High standards require patience.”
— Nick (53:02)
"Don’t waste 23…Be intentional. Be open. Be positive. It’ll happen."
— Nick (61:10)

Recurring Themes and Tone

Modern Realism: Nick is forthright about the tough realities of today's dating landscape—particularly the paradox of wanting an epic story while living in a swipe-based world.
Self-Compassion: Every caller is coached to avoid self-blame, slow down, and trust that their feelings and instincts are valid.
Growth Mindset: Trying new approaches, being open to reversal of roles (especially for women making the first move), and challenging one’s own mental narratives surface as core principles.
Patient Optimism: The overall vibe is reassuring and optimistic—love may not arrive on your timeline, but with patience and openness, it can happen.

Useful Timestamps for Important Segments

01:59 – Start of Mary’s workplace dilemma
11:18 – Gender roles and making the first move in dating
16:14 – Simplifying workplace dating concerns
22:24 – Sarah questions excitement in healthy relationships
26:03 – Understanding anxiety vs. expectation in dating
33:03 – Compatibility vs. chemistry, and the “arranged marriage perspective”
41:05 – Bri's struggles with dating in her 20s and the apps
47:29 – Modern dating app fatigue, and the purpose of apps in 2026
53:02 – The necessity of patience when you have high standards

Final Takeaways

Workplace crushes are navigable—be honest, professional, and don’t let fear of optics trump genuine potential. Sometimes, you have to make the first move, even (or especially) as a woman.
Don’t trade self-honesty for compatibility in a relationship; if the excitement isn’t there after giving it a fair chance, it’s OK to move on.
Dating apps are a tool, not a guarantee. The real magic is in patience, openness, and being gentle with yourself through rejection and disappointment.
The “right” relationship isn’t about ticking every box right away; it’s about giving yourself space to explore, connect, and redefine expectations.

Episode mood: Warm, encouraging, pragmatic, and notably non-judgmental.
Ideal for: Anyone navigating dating, office romances, or disheartened by the realities of swipe culture!

The Viall Files – E1094 "Ask Nick: I Like My Coworker… But I'm HR"

Date: March 16, 2026
Host: Nick Viall (with occasional input from Natalie Joy and the Household)

Episode Overview

Key Segments & Insights

1. "I Like My Coworker… But I'm HR" (Caller: Mary, age 25)

Timestamps: 01:59–17:39
Situation Recap:

Mary, 25, works in HR and has developed a crush on a 26-year-old coworker in another department.
She is confident there is chemistry and some flirtation, but workplace romance feels taboo, especially from someone in HR.
Company policy doesn’t prohibit office relationships unless there’s a direct reporting line (which there isn't).
She wonders if she should take the initiative since, as the HR representative, the guy may fear making the first move.

Discussion Highlights:

Narrative Caution: Nick gently challenges Mary’s narrative that her crush “checks all the boxes,” reminding her, “the narratives we have in our head become our reality” and to stay open-minded (03:25).
Workplace Optics: Nick notes, “All those 40-year-olds, they're noticing the young hotties flirting is all... It’s probably fun for them” (06:11), highlighting that workplace gossip is inevitable, but it's not necessarily an issue.
Initiative and Gender Roles: Nick encourages Mary not to get hung up on traditional roles ("I don’t think you should walk up to him with a bouquet of flowers," 11:39), but that it’s okay—in 2026 especially—for women to initiate, especially given the HR dynamic.
Rejection Fear: Nick normalizes Mary’s fear of rejection: “It won't kill you. It will suck for a brief period, but it won't be the worst day of your life” (17:11).
Advice for Pursuing: He suggests a casual approach: “What are you doing tonight? There’s a place I wanted to try…” (14:23), making it low-pressure but opening the door for a non-work interaction.
Big Picture Message: Don’t over-complicate: “There’s one layer, really. I’m in HR and we work together. Other than that, he's just a guy and this is how you met” (16:14).

Notable Quotes:

“Let’s not pretend that you’re being so covert that no one notices you guys hanging out…” – Nick (07:31)
“I think if you, being in the role that you are giving this situation and the dynamic... if you make the first move, I don't think that makes him incapable of leading in the relationship.” – Nick (12:00)
“It might be a signal for you to try it. It might be good practice.” – Nick (12:56)

Memorable Moment:
Mary admits, “I’ve never done that before,” to which Nick replies, “Good practice... the days of ‘I never do this’ are outdated and antiquated” (12:00).

2. "Should I Be More Excited for My Boyfriend?" (Caller: Sarah, age 29)

Timestamps: 22:24–37:39
Situation Recap:

Sarah, 29, has been dating a man for about 10 weeks. They’re compatible on values and life goals, but she questions the lack of excitement and chemistry.
She feels relieved when he's gone and anxious when she knows he'll call.
She struggles with the idea of compromising chemistry for compatibility and wonders if she’s expecting too much "spark".

Discussion Highlights:

Anxiety vs. Chemistry: Nick examines if her anxiousness is due to feeling pressure from the guy’s interest or her own lack of feeling. “You feel like he has an expectation…You don't know how to meet that expectation right now, so you feel anxious.” (26:03)
Compatibility vs. Chemistry: Nick acknowledges both are important; “Chemistry is really important too. I think we all vastly overweigh chemistry and ignore compatibility. Some relationships out there are solely based off of how two people felt when they first met...” (33:03)
Arranged Marriage Framework: Nick references the high success rate of arranged marriages as a thought exercise, noting, “If this was an arranged marriage…you would be one of the lucky ones” (34:28), implying satisfaction can grow from compatibility, but only if that matches personal preference and cultural expectations.
Permission to Move On: Nick reassures her, “If you let him go...if ultimately, if you’re not feeling regret and if you're feeling relief...then you'll have your answer.” (34:12)
Reflect on Your Needs: Sarah realizes she does need some "pull" or spark, landing on a more confident position about ending the relationship if it’s not there.

Notable Quotes:

“...The most frustrating thing about love and dating, especially in 2026, is that we still want to find something special...but we also don't want it to be hard.” – Nick (47:28, originally in a later section but echoes across his advice)
“You found a nice friend. You respect him, but like, he’s not your guy.” – Nick (37:09)

3. "How Do I Date Better in My 20s?" (Caller: Bri, age 23)

Timestamps: 41:05–61:44
Situation Recap:

Bri, 23, is frustrated with dating apps (lack of responses, fading conversations) and IRL dating (not meeting people, feeling self-doubt about her age/appearance).
She wonders if there’s something wrong with her profile or approach, and her mother is encouraging her to go out more to meet people.

Discussion Highlights:

Modern Dating Fatigue: Nick validates the exhausting nature of modern dating: “At this point, I do think the apps, they're not designed to help people find love...They are designed to get people to stay on the apps.” (47:29)
No "Fix" Needed: Nick reassures her, “The problem isn’t you…The apps have a lot of obstacles” (47:29). He encourages her to take a breath, lower expectations, and not overanalyze every experience or message.
Patience & High Standards: “You can’t have high standards and like everybody. High standards require patience…” (53:02) He notes that only after many dates is it typical to connect with someone truly compatible.
Real World Approach: Nick agrees with Bri’s mom; “The more you can just get out there and engage with people in the real world...try to meet people and have fun...not with the expectation of finding a husband, but just to meet friends…” (54:40)
Feedback Filtering: Nick warns against taking rejection personally or overvaluing feedback from strangers or matches: “Don’t listen to the feedback from people you barely know and I wouldn’t listen to the feedback from anyone online because you don’t know them at all.” (59:24)
Process Focus: Encourages Bri to enjoy her age, lean into friendships, and not waste energy on over-analysis: “Don’t waste 23…Be intentional. Be open. Be positive. It’ll happen.” (61:10)

Notable Quotes:

“It’s just dating and kind of take it easy on yourself.” – Nick (57:44)
“You’re only 23, so enjoy this. Have fun with your friends. Don’t waste 23…” – Nick (61:10)
“High standards in anything…require patience.” – Nick (53:02)

Notable Quotes & Speaker Attribution

"Let’s not pretend that you’re being so covert that no one notices you guys hanging out and talking."
— Nick (07:31, regarding office relationships)
"I think if you, being in the role that you are... make the first move, I don't think that makes him incapable of leading in the relationship."
— Nick (12:00, to Mary)
"There’s one layer, really. I’m in HR and we work together. And that makes things a little different than any other guy I might be interested in dating. Other than that, he's just a guy..."
— Nick (16:14)
"You found a nice friend. You respect him, but like, he’s not your guy."
— Nick (37:09, to Sarah)
“At this point, I do think the apps, they're not designed to help people find love...They are designed to get people to stay on the apps.”
— Nick (47:29, to Bri)
“High standards require patience.”
— Nick (53:02)
"Don’t waste 23…Be intentional. Be open. Be positive. It’ll happen."
— Nick (61:10)

Recurring Themes and Tone

Modern Realism: Nick is forthright about the tough realities of today's dating landscape—particularly the paradox of wanting an epic story while living in a swipe-based world.
Self-Compassion: Every caller is coached to avoid self-blame, slow down, and trust that their feelings and instincts are valid.
Growth Mindset: Trying new approaches, being open to reversal of roles (especially for women making the first move), and challenging one’s own mental narratives surface as core principles.
Patient Optimism: The overall vibe is reassuring and optimistic—love may not arrive on your timeline, but with patience and openness, it can happen.

Useful Timestamps for Important Segments

01:59 – Start of Mary’s workplace dilemma
11:18 – Gender roles and making the first move in dating
16:14 – Simplifying workplace dating concerns
22:24 – Sarah questions excitement in healthy relationships
26:03 – Understanding anxiety vs. expectation in dating
33:03 – Compatibility vs. chemistry, and the “arranged marriage perspective”
41:05 – Bri's struggles with dating in her 20s and the apps
47:29 – Modern dating app fatigue, and the purpose of apps in 2026
53:02 – The necessity of patience when you have high standards

Final Takeaways

Workplace crushes are navigable—be honest, professional, and don’t let fear of optics trump genuine potential. Sometimes, you have to make the first move, even (or especially) as a woman.
Don’t trade self-honesty for compatibility in a relationship; if the excitement isn’t there after giving it a fair chance, it’s OK to move on.
Dating apps are a tool, not a guarantee. The real magic is in patience, openness, and being gentle with yourself through rejection and disappointment.
The “right” relationship isn’t about ticking every box right away; it’s about giving yourself space to explore, connect, and redefine expectations.

Episode mood: Warm, encouraging, pragmatic, and notably non-judgmental.
Ideal for: Anyone navigating dating, office romances, or disheartened by the realities of swipe culture!

wavePod

E1094 Ask Nick - I Like My Coworker… But I'm HR

Summary

The Viall Files – E1094 "Ask Nick: I Like My Coworker… But I'm HR"

Episode Overview

Key Segments & Insights

1. "I Like My Coworker… But I'm HR" (Caller: Mary, age 25)

2. "Should I Be More Excited for My Boyfriend?" (Caller: Sarah, age 29)

3. "How Do I Date Better in My 20s?" (Caller: Bri, age 23)

Notable Quotes & Speaker Attribution

Recurring Themes and Tone

Useful Timestamps for Important Segments

Final Takeaways

Summary

The Viall Files – E1094 "Ask Nick: I Like My Coworker… But I'm HR"

Episode Overview

Key Segments & Insights

1. "I Like My Coworker… But I'm HR" (Caller: Mary, age 25)

2. "Should I Be More Excited for My Boyfriend?" (Caller: Sarah, age 29)

3. "How Do I Date Better in My 20s?" (Caller: Bri, age 23)

Notable Quotes & Speaker Attribution

Recurring Themes and Tone

Useful Timestamps for Important Segments

Final Takeaways