The Viall Files – Episode E1097 Ask Nick: "My Husband Keeps Choosing Her Over Me"

Date: March 23, 2026
Host: Nick Viall
Featured Co-hosts: Michelle and Brooke

Episode Overview

In this "Ask Nick" advice episode, Nick Viall and his household open the lines to three callers dealing with different but equally nuanced relationship struggles: breaking repetitive situationship cycles, grieving the loss of a “best friend” situationship, and the complex dynamic of feeling sidelined by a spouse’s close female coworker. Nick brings his trademark mix of empathy, bluntness, and humor to dig into each caller’s story — challenging self-perception, urging hard truths, and validating deep, often unspoken fears.

Caller #1: Brooke (27) – Breaking the Situationship Cycle

Main Storyline (02:23–38:40):
Brooke seeks Nick's advice on her habit of revisiting toxic situationships, particularly a man who lied about being 10 years older. She’s aware of her self-sabotaging patterns but struggles to break them.

Key Discussion Points

• Pattern Recognition:
  Brooke admits to repeatedly returning to men who are bad for her, avoiding discomfort of new connections.

  "I just keep going back to people that I know I shouldn't. And yeah, it's kind of putting me in scenarios." (02:51)

• Deconstructing Excuses:
  Nick challenges Brooke’s self-narrative about scarcity of connection and fear of discomfort.

  "You can't keep making excuses like, 'Connections are hard to make.' Of course they're hard to make. They should be hard to make." (15:55)

• Accountability vs. Entertainment:
  Nick reframes the drama of situationships as a distraction from self-growth.

  “Why do you give people a chance who lie to you?... It's drama. It's something to do. It's entertainment, you know, and so instead of watching, instead of turning on Love is Blind... It's a little bit of drama that you’re the main character of.” (11:49)

• Standards and Growth:
  Nick pushes Brooke to not conflate being “picky” with being avoidant or shrinking her comfort zone.

  “That’s not pickiness. That is... There’s discomfort in going on dates. That is you not being willing to push your comfort zone.” (27:00)

• Advice for Change:
  He recommends recalibrating her approach, focusing on connections that feel good, developing self-awareness, and having a friend hold her accountable.

  "You need to evaluate the connections you have in your life and think about which ones make you feel good. Ask yourself, why do they make me feel good?" (32:28)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Nick, on age and “growing up”:

  "You're 27. I say this with love, but it’s time to grow up." (23:52)

• Brooke's real-time realization:

  “I know when I'm doing these things, like, sometimes I don’t even tell my friends because I’m kind of embarrassed.” (23:30)

• Nick, on boundaries and expectations:

  “We’re using boundaries as an excuse to not expand our comfort zones.” (36:57)

Memorable Takeaway

Brooke leaves with a clear charge: cherish her time, pursue intentional connections, and treat her own standards as non-negotiable.

Caller #2: Michelle (29) – Losing a "Best Friend" to Ghosting

Main Storyline (42:58–109:50):
Michelle is reeling from the abrupt ghosting by her best friend, with whom she shared a years-long friendship that developed into a romantic relationship, then fizzled out with no explanation.

Key Discussion Points

• Timeline of Friendship Turning Romantic:
  The relationship evolves gradually into a situationship, complicated by distance and mutual friend group entanglement.
• Recurring Self-Doubt and Overanalysis:
  Michelle describes constant second-guessing, struggling to trust her intuition, and a tendency to “poke holes” instead of giving things a real try:

  “I think this goes back to just the fact of, like, the spark... when you know, you so know... I couldn’t help but kept feeling like something was maybe missing.” (56:33)

• Processing Regret, Grief & Rumination:
  Nick addresses the common tendency to romanticize past relationships after they dissolve, especially when closure is elusive.

  “Stop replaying the various conversations you've had with him, specifically what he said to you... you're romanticizing it in ways that you weren't when you were questioning yourself.” (78:08)

• The Importance of ‘Trying’ and Letting Go:
  Nick emphasizes the value of genuinely investing in relationships, rather than passively waiting for clarity or “the spark,” using his own history with Natalie as illustration (91:42–96:29).

  "I could have dated some of these people, ended the relationship, and still be where I am today, but I never tried... If I never try, if I never put myself out there with a willingness to be wrong... I’ll just be casually dating and waiting for a miracle to happen." (93:51)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Overthinking and Moving Forward:

  “Now’s not the time to really ruminate about this guy. Now’s the time to focus on how to get past it, get through it.” (102:49)

• Practical Closure vs. Emotional Closure:

  “You have the clarity, right? The ‘why’ doesn’t really matter.” (87:55)

• Michelle, on learning from heartbreak:

  "I just regret not giving things a real try. Maybe we’d have lasted six months and it wouldn’t have worked out, but I didn’t see it through.” (103:45)

Actionable Advice

• Stop “dating him in your head” and information-hunting.
• Accept that not all answers—especially the “why” behind ghosting—are necessary for closure.
• Next time, lean into safe, reliable love even when it's not perfect or dramatic.
• If it’s meant to be, “he will show up.”

Caller #3: Jane (35) – “My Husband Keeps Choosing Her Over Me”

Main Storyline (113:00–143:05):
Jane, eight months pregnant, is overwhelmed by her husband’s emotionally intimate friendship with his female coworker—one that eclipses their own connection and leaves her feeling secondary.

Key Discussion Points

• Emotional Infidelity & Prioritization:
  Jane describes a sustained pattern: her husband talks, texts, and spends time with his female coworker, relegating Jane to the sidelines—even as she navigates pregnancy.

  “He’s not our therapist.” (115:52, Nick)

• Gaslighting & Boundary Refusal:
  Jane’s husband denies wrongdoing ("I'm not doing anything wrong!") and refuses to adjust his behavior, instead making Jane feel crazy for objecting.
• Nick’s Unflinching Clarification:
  Nick lays out why the husband’s behavior is unacceptable, especially for a married man with a young family.

  “He is literally doing that with another woman… That is a meaningful connection that as people we desire, especially married couples.” (117:43)

• The Reality of Vulnerability:
  Nick points out that while pregnancy inherently shifts relational dynamics, the pregnant partner deserves more support, not less.

  “Honestly, anytime a guy makes his feelings more important than his wife’s when she’s pregnant, he’s kind of a dick.” (139:09)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Nick (on alternatives to cheating):

  “There are other ways people can cheat or feel… It is hurting our connection.” (117:43)

• Jane, on feeling forced to be the “bad guy":

  “I either feel like I’m saying no and he’s at home resenting me… or I let him go and I’m at home anxious and upset.” (130:17)

• Nick, validating Jane:

  “You shouldn’t feel like you have to apologize or feel weird about it. The fact that he’s even arguing with you is crazy.” (124:34)

Advice Highlights

• Nick recommends:
  • Stop defending your feelings; they're valid.
  • If husband won’t voluntarily shift priorities, couples therapy should be non-negotiable.
  • This is not about “winning an argument”: “Don’t waste energy debating what should be obvious.” (136:01)
  • The marriage has an expiration date if he keeps centering his needs over his family’s.
• On boundaries and clarity:
  Jane is encouraged to voice her non-negotiables, consider therapy, and realize it’s not her job to justify needing more from her partner.

Engaging Episode Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Nick: "You're a smart person making dumb choices." (29:39, to Brooke)
• Nick: "The world is full of people who will gladly waste our time if we let them." (33:56, to Brooke)
• Nick: "You have the clarity, right? The specifics is so you don’t have the why. The why doesn’t really matter." (87:55, to Michelle)
• Nick: "You shouldn’t feel like you have to apologize or feel weird about it. The fact that he’s even arguing with you is crazy." (124:34, to Jane)
• Jane: "I either feel like I’m saying no and he’s at home resenting me… or I let him go and I’m at home anxious and upset." (130:17)

Key Takeaways for Listeners

• For the Stuck:
  Break your “old situationship” cycles by recognizing them as comfort-zone distractions, not real connection. Hold yourself to a higher standard, and get an accountability partner if needed.
• For the Heartbroken:
  Stop romanticizing relationships that left you confused or unsupported. Grieve, write a letter if you need for closure, and remember: trying and failing is better than never having invested at all.
• For the Overlooked Spouse:
  Emotional investment outside your partnership can be as destructive as physical infidelity. You deserve to be prioritized, not convinced to accept less.
• Universal Wisdom:
  “Don’t date someone in your head.”
  “Don’t waste energy trying to understand the ‘why’ of someone else abandoning you."
  “Boundaries are good, but not when used to keep yourself small.”

Important Timestamps

• Breaking Old Situationship Patterns: 02:23–38:40
• Best Friend Turned Ghost (Grieving & Letting Go): 42:58–109:50
• The Married Woman Feeling Second to a Coworker: 113:00–143:05

Nick’s Tone:
Direct, compassionate, unapologetically honest—never cruel, always aiming to get listeners to their own truth.

Use this episode if you…
Need a reality check about your dating habits, crave validation in the messy aftermath of heartbreak, or are reeling from feeling dismissed in your marriage.

For those who haven’t listened: this episode offers tough love, real talk, and permission to stand up for the relationship you want (with yourself or with others).