The Viall Files: Ask Nick – "He Is Perfect… But He Has a Girlfriend"

Episode E1107 | April 13, 2026

Episode Overview

This Ask Nick episode features three listener calls that delve into complicated relationship situations: falling for someone who’s already taken, navigating trust and boundaries in blended families, and letting go of a long-term situationship. Nick Viall, with his signature blend of empathy and directness, helps listeners cut through denial and uncertainty, challenging them to be honest with themselves and their partners. The episode is full of real-talk insight, memorable guidance, and a few witty one-liners.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Aaron: "He Checks All My Boxes…But He Has a Girlfriend"

Timestamps: 04:05–41:17

Situation

• Aaron (27) meets someone in her grad program who fits her ideal partner profile.
• They build a close rapport—coffee, class time, walks—before he casually drops that he has a girlfriend.
• Aaron is confused by mixed signals: is he just friendly, or toeing the line of something more?

Nick’s Core Advice & Insights

• Mirror Test: Nick urges Aaron to ask herself: “Would you be ok with your boyfriend having the same dynamic?” (07:16, 10:32)

  "You are watching him show you exactly how he is as a boyfriend." – Nick (10:32)

• Benefit of the Doubt vs. Excuses: Nick warns that chemistry is not compatibility, and Aaron may be excusing bad boundary-setting because of her attraction (17:02, 18:14).

  “Everything you’re describing is chemistry, and you’re kind of selling it to yourself as compatibility.” – Nick (17:03)

• Red Flags:

  • The man didn’t disclose his girlfriend for two months despite multiple opportunities.
  • He continues to invite Aaron to hang out—even for drinks and walks—after the girlfriend reveal.

• Agency and Boundaries:

  “You have the power here. You are in control. You can be friendly but very, very clear: ‘People like us don’t become close friends when one or both of us are in relationships.’” – Nick (23:23, paraphrased)

• Focus on Priorities:

  “Don’t waste [your program opportunity] on playing games with yourself on some guy who’s at this point only actually proven to you that he might be a bad boyfriend.” – Nick (27:06)

• Ego vs. Confidence: Nick challenges Aaron to act with self-worth:

  “Make sure you know your worth. Don’t have your ego trigger your insecurity and have it question your value because a guy made you feel like you read a situation wrong.” – Nick (33:37)

Memorable Moment

• Nick references "Wolf of Wall Street" (20:26):

  “Margot Robbie’s character says, ‘We won’t be friends.’ Sometimes you just need to set that line.”

Actionable Takeaway

• Be clear and direct: “If you didn’t have a girlfriend, maybe we’d be having a different conversation, but you do. So I’m just going to help you be a better boyfriend by shutting this down.” (25:25)
• Protect your own experience and don’t let romantic drama sap your energy from meaningful life opportunities.

2. Leah & Cole: "Blended Family, Past Hurts, and Establishing New Trust"

Timestamps: 44:08–82:16

Situation

• Leah (39) and partner Cole (35) have been together 1.5 years, blending families.
• Cole’s messy divorce and controlling ex-wife repeatedly disrupt their new relationship.
• Leah struggles to feel like a priority, while Cole deals with fear, past emotional abuse, and trouble enforcing boundaries.

Nick’s Core Advice & Insights

• Boundaries & Clarity: The problems are less about the ex, more about Cole’s (initial) inability to set boundaries and communicate openly with Leah.

  “An ex can be annoying, but as long as you trust each other to enforce boundaries and set expectations, trust is something you two control.” – Nick (45:50)

• Personal Growth & Counseling: Cole’s recent therapy has transformed his perspective—he recognizes past denial, is learning to communicate, and is working toward legal/parental agreements.

• Power Dynamics: Nick cautions Leah against being too directive, given her experience, urging her to be a partner rather than a “teacher.” (68:19)

• Making Space for Growth:

  “Despite your chemistry, you both bring baggage. Right now Cole brings a little more because his divorce is fresher. But you’re seeing real, meaningful progress.” – Nick (63:45)

• Empathy for Traumatic Dynamics:

  • Recognizes that emotional abuse and control by an ex can be doubly hard for men, who may fear not being believed or losing custody.

  “If you go online, half of men are emotionally abusive and it’s not even possible for women to be…” – Nick (57:36)

• Check-ins and Moving at the Right Pace:

  • Leah’s hesitations around moving in/having a baby are normal given the complexity. Incremental steps and seeing consistent follow-through from Cole are key.

Memorable Quotes

• “The most meaningful thing about a relationship is the feeling your partner is willing to show up and work through problems—the desire to close the gap.” – Nick (74:03)
• “Our non-negotiables…we figure those out as we go. Maybe it’s not that there’s some complication with an ex—it’s about your partner’s willingness to work through complications.” – Nick (81:04)

Actionable Takeaways

• Cole must set consistent boundaries with his ex and communicate transparently with Leah.
• Leah should be supportive without dominating—letting Cole ask for help and being mindful of power dynamics.
• Progress (not perfection) is the goal. Couples counseling and individual therapy are recommended.
• The willingness to show up and work through hard stuff is the best predictor of relationship success.

3. Lucy: "Years of Situationship—Time to Let Go"

Timestamps: 85:46–95:15

Situation

• Lucy (33) has had an on-and-off situationship for years, never exclusive, always dictated by his terms.
• She considers him a “best friend,” but their connection is undefined, confusing, and emotionally draining.

Nick’s Core Advice & Insights

• Radical Self-Honesty: Nick cuts to the chase—Lucy says “best friend,” but Nick points out the relationship is entirely on the situationship guy’s terms.

  “He’s not your best friend. You have a desire for him to be, you see the potential, but he’s not actually been your best friend.” – Nick (87:56)

• Stop “Testing,” Start Acting: Years of cutting off contact, waiting, hoping—it’s all kept her emotionally tethered and blocked from truly moving on.
• Face the Facts: If after years he hasn’t committed, that’s the answer. The only way forward is radical clarity.

  “He either wants to be with you or he doesn’t. Anything in between is just a ‘no.’” – Nick (89:29)

Memorable Moment

• Nick urges Lucy to directly state her feelings, ask if he wants a real relationship, and if not, firmly block contact.

  “In the spirit of moving on…I’m going to block you, not because you did anything wrong, but I just want to move on. If you reach out, please respect that.” – Nick (90:44)

• Nick emphasizes the need to “get rejected one more time” so she can feel it and let go (93:43).

Actionable Takeaways

• Have a direct “breakup” conversation—by call, not text—so the ambiguity ends.
• Block him on all platforms to prevent any weakness undermining her resolve.
• Shutting the door on this dynamic is the only way to fully open up to new possibilities and healthier connections.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Excuses:

  “Chemistry is why you want him, it’s not an indication of his character as a partner.” – Nick, to Aaron (17:03)

• On Ego vs. Confidence:

  “Make sure you know your worth. Don’t let ego trigger insecurity because a guy made you feel like you read a situation wrong.” – Nick (33:37)

• On Breaking Patterns:

  “Hard to meet someone new when you have one foot out the door.” – Nick, to Lucy (93:34)

• On Relationship Priority:

  “The most meaningful thing about a relationship...is the feeling like your partner is willing to show up and make the effort.” – Nick (74:03)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Aaron's Dilemma:

  • Initial Story: 04:05–16:01
  • Chemistry vs. Compatibility: 17:02–18:13
  • Setting Boundaries & "Wolf of Wall Street" Ref: 20:26–25:09
  • Prioritizing Your Program/Life: 27:06–29:50
  • Dealing with Ego & Self-Worth: 33:12–35:44
  • Closing Thoughts: 39:03–41:17

• Leah & Cole: Complex Blended Family:

  • Relationship History & Dynamic: 44:08–51:42
  • Addressing Boundaries and Growth: 53:32–68:19
  • Power Dynamics & Moving Forward: 68:21–76:41
  • Non-Negotiables & Closing: 80:26–82:16

• Lucy & the Long Situationship:

  • The ‘Best Friend’ Illusion: 85:46–87:19
  • Do-or-Die Conversation: 89:21–90:59
  • Letting Go & Final Thoughts: 93:18–95:15

Tone & Style

Nick’s approach throughout the episode is honest, sometimes blunt, always compassionate, with a knack for getting callers to see their own situations more clearly. He doesn’t coddle, but he does normalize the confusion and emotional struggle of modern dating—encouraging listeners to protect their hearts and prioritize their own growth.

Episode Takeaways

• Be honest with yourself: Don’t make excuses for someone’s bad behavior because of chemistry.
• Set and hold clear boundaries: Direct conversations and honest action are the only path forward in confusing situations.
• Prioritize your life goals: Don’t let romantic drama rob focus and joy from important personal achievements.
• Healthy relationships require growth, transparency, and mutual effort: The willingness to show up and work through things is the best indicator of success.

[End of Summary]