Episode Summary: The Viall Files - E842 Ask Nick: His Secret Double Life

Release Date: November 18, 2024

In episode E842 of "The Viall Files," host Nick Viall delves into listeners' relationship dilemmas, offering insightful advice on navigating complex personal situations. This episode features two primary callers, Brooke and Jordan, each grappling with unique challenges in their romantic lives. Nick provides comprehensive guidance, blending practical strategies with empathetic understanding to help them move forward.

Brooke's Call: Pursuing a Romance with a District Attorney

Timestamp: [01:17] – [34:28]

Caller Profile: Brooke, a 31-year-old police officer, is seeking advice on how to approach Max, a district attorney (DA) she’s interested in. Their professional roles place them within the same county jurisdiction, complicating their potential relationship.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Workplace Dynamics and Dating Policies:

   • Brooke explains that while there are no strict HR policies against inter-office dating, dating a superior is prohibited [01:28].
   • Their professional interactions are limited to court appearances and occasional conversations [02:09].

2. Limited Interaction and Social Media Engagement:

   • Brooke mentions that Max has liked her social media stories, creating a subtle connection [03:00].
   • Despite minimal face-to-face interactions, Brooke feels a growing interest in Max [05:25].

3. Challenges in Making a Move:

   • Brooke is unsure how to initiate contact without appearing too forward, given their limited interactions [07:44].
   • She considers leveraging mutual friends but is unsure of its effectiveness [07:44].

4. Nick's Advice:

   • Direct Communication: Nick advises Brooke to send Max a direct message (DM) on Instagram to test his responsiveness [08:24]. For example, sending a random question or commenting on an old picture to gauge his engagement [09:02].
   • Confidence and Boundary Setting: Emphasizes Brooke’s confidence and directness as strengths, encouraging her to be clear and purposeful in her approach [06:21].
   • Assessing Responses: If Max responds positively, Brooke can take the next step and ask him out. If not, she should consider moving on without overthinking [12:23].
   • Listening to Her Needs: Nick reinforces the importance of prioritizing her own needs and not seeking validation solely through Max’s responses [31:09].

Notable Quotes:

• Brooke: "I'm in my single era right now... I'm just kind of casting reels." [05:27]
• Nick: "Send him a message... see if he's checking his DMs." [08:24]
• Nick: "Trust your instincts. Prioritize your needs." [31:09]

Insights and Conclusions:

• Take Initiative: Brooke is encouraged to take proactive steps in reaching out to Max, leveraging social media as a non-threatening avenue.
• Maintain Self-Worth: Emphasizes the importance of not tying her self-worth to Max’s responsiveness, fostering a healthy approach to potential workplace romance.
• Balanced Approach: Nick advises balancing professional boundaries with personal interest, ensuring Brooke remains confident and self-assured regardless of Max’s response.

Jordan's Call: Overcoming a Heartbreaking Ghosting After Discovering a Double Life

Timestamp: [39:30] – [121:30]

Caller Profile: Jordan, a 28-year-old professional, shares her painful experience of being ghosted by her boyfriend after discovering he led a double life with another woman. She seeks guidance on moving forward without closure.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Relationship Background and Sudden Breakup:

   • Jordan was in a 1.5-year long-distance relationship with a boyfriend who tours for a band.
   • After significant relationship milestones, including joint travel and future plans, Jordan discovers her boyfriend was simultaneously involved with another woman [40:53].

2. Identifying Red Flags:

   • Early signs included neglect during a personal crisis (dog’s illness) and inconsistent behavior [43:07].
   • The revelation of his second relationship came through another woman’s direct messages, which Jordan initially dismissed [50:10].

3. Emotional Impact and Seeking Closure:

   • Jordan is distressed by the lack of closure, feeling that her memories are tainted by her boyfriend’s deceit [56:18].
   • She grapples with trust issues and the struggle to move past the betrayal [70:27].

4. Nick's Advice:

   • Stop Seeking Closure: Nick advises Jordan to accept that closure from her ex may never come, encouraging her to focus on self-healing [70:27].
   • Recognize Self-Sabotage: He highlights how Jordan’s ego and desire for a perfect relationship led her to overlook red flags [60:11].
   • Set Boundaries: Emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and not allowing an ex’s behavior to dictate her emotional state [73:13].
   • Shift Perspective: Nick urges Jordan to focus on personal growth and learn from the experience to foster healthier future relationships [84:18].
   • Control Emotional Responses: Encourages managing her reactions and not allowing past trauma to influence new relationships [95:46].

Notable Quotes:

• Jordan: "He chewed over a year and a half and I know I'm so critical." [52:39]
• Nick: "You have to stop trying to insert what you think you know about these people with 2% of the information that you've already learned." [27:10]
• Nick: "You need to trust yourself more than you trust them." [24:24]

Insights and Conclusions:

• Empowerment Over Closure: Instead of relying on closure from her ex, Jordan is encouraged to empower herself through self-reflection and personal growth.
• Trusting Instincts: Emphasizes the importance of trusting her gut feelings and acting on red flags rather than rationalizing or seeking validation.
• Healthy Boundaries: Highlights setting healthy boundaries as crucial in preventing future emotional distress and fostering stronger self-worth.
• Moving Forward: Encourages Jordan to let go of the past, focus on her achievements (like passing the bar exam), and build new, healthier relationships based on mutual respect and transparency.

Overall Episode Highlights:

• Common Themes: Both callers struggle with trusting their instincts and setting boundaries in relationships. Nick emphasizes the importance of self-worth, direct communication, and personal growth.
• Practical Strategies: The episode provides actionable advice, such as initiating direct contact in professional settings and recognizing when to move on from unfulfilling relationships.
• Emotional Resilience: Listeners are encouraged to build emotional resilience by prioritizing their needs and maintaining confidence in their decisions.

Notable Quotes from Nick:

• "Trust your instincts. Prioritize your needs." [31:09]
• "You can save your energy by letting go of situations that don't serve you." [60:29]
• "Changing your perspective is key to moving forward." [73:00]

Conclusion: Episode E842 of "The Viall Files" offers valuable insights into managing workplace romances and overcoming deeply hurtful breakups. Through real-life stories and expert advice, Nick Viall empowers listeners to make informed decisions, prioritize their well-being, and cultivate healthier relationships.