The Viall Files - Episode E859: "Ask Nick - Is He Hot or Just 6’3’’"

Release Date: December 23, 2024
Hosts: Nick Viall, Natalie Joy, and the Household

Overview

In Episode E859 of The Viall Files, host Nick Viall addresses listeners' real-life dating dilemmas, offering candid advice and insights drawn from his extensive experience in the dating world. This episode features three distinct listener queries, each unraveling complexities in modern relationships, family dynamics, and workplace interactions.

1. Listener Call: Jane's Relationship Quandary

Timestamp: [01:18] – [46:27]

Jane's Story: Jane, a 29-year-old, reaches out seeking clarity on whether she is dating an FBOY (a man who engages in casual relationships without commitment) or her dream man. She describes her interactions with a 39-year-old man she met via an LDS (Latter-Day Saints) dating app. Despite his attractive profile and persistent pursuit since January, Jane finds herself grappling with insecurities and doubts about his intentions.

Key Points Discussed:

• Initial Connection: Jane and the man had a seemingly perfect first date where he expressed a desire to settle down. However, the second date introduced tension as he pushed for physical intimacy, leading Jane to question his genuine interest.

• Insecurities and Self-Perception: Jane reveals deep-seated insecurities stemming from her past struggles with weight loss, thyroid issues, and PCOS, which affect her confidence in the relationship.

• Red Flags Identified by Nick:

  • Inconsistent Behavior: The man's rapid escalation towards physical intimacy contrasted with his prior statements about settling down.
  • Manipulative Tendencies: Repeated comments suggesting Jane's lack of attraction despite her assurances indicate potential manipulation.
  • Superficial Attraction: Emphasis on his attractiveness and success over meaningful emotional connection.

Notable Quotes:

• Jane: "He keeps making these comments about how I'm not attracted to you." [05:52]
• Nick: "He is definitely a fuckboy. Every fuckboy eventually becomes somebody's dream man." [12:19]
• Jane: "I don't know if I like him or if it's just like, I am so flattered by the attention." [07:21]

Nick's Advice: Nick emphasizes the importance of self-worth and emotional connection over superficial attributes. He advises Jane to:

• Prioritize Emotional Needs: Seek relationships where emotional bonds are foundational rather than being solely physical.
• Build Confidence: Acknowledge and celebrate her achievements, such as her significant weight loss, to combat negative self-perception.
• Set Healthy Boundaries: Avoid playing games in relationships and communicate her needs clearly and confidently.
• Move On: Consider moving forward and investing in relationships where mutual respect and genuine connection exist.

2. Listener Call: Sam's Family Conflict

Timestamp: [49:24] – [73:23]

Sam's Story: Sam, a 28-year-old single mother, shares her tumultuous experience with her extended family following a conflict with her cousin. After threatening to call the police during a volatile situation where her cousin was throwing objects while Sam had a newborn in the house, Sam faced ostracization from her family.

Key Points Discussed:

• Conflict Origin: Sam moved out of her cousin's home due to escalating tensions and her cousin's arrest for theft, leading to Sam's family cutting her off.

• Emotional Impact: Sam feels guilt over her son's lack of extended family and regrets not maintaining the relationship with her cousin.

• Family Dynamics: Her aunt blames Sam for threatening the police, siding with the cousin despite the latter's erratic behavior influenced by substance abuse.

Notable Quotes:

• Sam: "I have a really good support system right now, so that's really helpful." [63:51]
• Nick: "Let that guilt go. You will create the family that you and your child deserve." [60:02]
• Sam: "My son's only one day older than River, so..." [72:31]

Nick's Advice: Nick provides compassionate advice tailored to Sam's situation:

• Accept Family's Decision: Encourage Sam to understand that her family's stance may be influenced by her cousin's behavior and to prioritize her and her child's well-being.
• Focus on Positive Relationships: Emphasize building a support system with those who genuinely care, such as her mother, stepfather, and close friends.
• Continue Therapy: Advise ongoing therapy to work through feelings of guilt and to establish healthy boundaries.
• Reconnect When Ready: Suggest that Sam may consider reaching out to her cousin in the future when emotions have settled, but only if it feels safe and beneficial for her family.

Additional Insights: Nick underscores the importance of protecting oneself and one's child from toxic family dynamics. He encourages Sam to celebrate her strength in making difficult decisions for the safety and stability of her family.

3. Listener Call: Lauren's Workplace Flirtation Issue

Timestamp: [75:11] – [95:19]

Lauren's Story: Lauren, a 25-year-old, seeks advice on managing a complicated relationship with a male colleague who is engaged but continues to flirt with her. Their professional collaboration necessitates ongoing communication, making it challenging for Lauren to navigate the personal boundaries required.

Key Points Discussed:

• Initial Attraction: Lauren experienced a passionate kiss with a coworker while both were emotionally vulnerable—she was recently out of a serious relationship, and he was newly single.

• Escalating Confusion: Despite initial signals of mutual attraction, the colleague declined to pursue a deeper relationship, citing work commitments. Over the ensuing months, his flirtatious behavior persisted, leading Lauren to question his intentions.

• Engagement Revelation: The colleague eventually disclosed his engagement, shocking Lauren as it contradicted his previous stance, leaving her feeling manipulated and used.

Notable Quotes:

• Lauren: "I'm just kind of like, what the f. Like, what are we doing here?" [90:54]
• Nick: "He is definitely not yet, like not hot. He's fine. He looks like a guy." [17:14]
• Lauren: "It doesn't matter." [35:24]

Nick's Advice: Nick provides a direct approach to resolving Lauren's dilemma:

• Establish Firm Boundaries: Advise Lauren to clearly communicate her discomfort and the inappropriateness of the flirtation, emphasizing the need to maintain a professional relationship.
• Cease Engagement: Encourage her to stop responding to flirtatious messages and interactions to prevent further emotional entanglement.
• Prioritize Self-Respect: Remind Lauren of her self-worth and the importance of not compromising her values or emotional well-being for fleeting attention.
• Seek Support: Recommend leaning on her support system and possibly involving HR if the behavior persists, ensuring a safe and respectful workplace environment.

Additional Insights: Nick highlights the psychological aspect of Lauren's struggle, pointing out how ego and the desire for validation can cloud judgment. He urges her to focus on her own needs and to detach emotionally from the situation to regain control and confidence.

Closing Thoughts

Throughout Episode E859, Nick Viall adeptly navigates each listener's unique situation, offering a blend of empathy, practical advice, and candid assessments. The overarching themes emphasize the importance of self-worth, clear communication, and the courage to make difficult but necessary decisions for personal well-being and healthy relationships.

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own relationship dynamics, recognize red flags, and prioritize meaningful connections over superficial attractions. The episode serves as a valuable resource for anyone grappling with similar challenges in the realms of dating, family, and workplace interactions.

Note: This summary excludes advertisements, introductory segments, and non-content portions to focus solely on the valuable discussions and advice provided during the episode.