Amber (21:43)
Hindsight's 20 20. What, what I would have done when you found that underwear in that moment, you know, you're, you're, you're, you're in his house and you found a pair of women's underwear that is not yours, right? In that moment you have literal evidence, right? This is crazy. You know, and granted, you know, you know, you're, you, you're, you want to be rational, right? You want to think, okay, maybe there is an explanation as to why this piece of underwear is here that I'm holding. That doesn't mean he's someone else, right? That's po. And obviously you certainly hope that's reasonable. You're, you know, and so what you should have done in that moment is wait for him to come home, not reach out to him, not message him. What are these? Don't give an opportunity to come up with the story, to come up with an alternative situation. And you should say, hey, you should sit down and been like, all right, I found this underwear. And then before you see, say anything, I want us to just sit here and agree that if, if you found a pair of men's underwear at my house, that would rattle you, it would really fuck you up. And listen, we've also only been dating for five months. So don't get, you know, this whole like, why don't you trust me? I don't know. I want to trust you but like this pair of underwear is saying otherwise. So I don't want to ask you questions. I want you to give me your phone right now. And in that moment you had the right to say, as unfair as it might feel, let's assume it's totally, let's assume it's not his ex girlfriend's but it his long term girlfriend. Let's assume this pair of underwear has been sitting in there hidden and for, for you to find whatever. Listen, if I was dating someone and I, you know, for five months and I was, you know, I've been a serial monogamist before, I've been the person who wants to play house and moved a little bit too fast. If I were dating someone and five months in and we're doing this house and I came home and my girlfriend that I was dating was like, here's this purse, pair of underwear. And I was like, I, I do not know where this came from. And I, I would give you my phone. I would want, I would want to show you that I wasn't doing anything. I would want to show you that I have nothing to hide right now. Granted. Listen, there's, there's a, there's a small caveat. Caveat to that. I don't know if I'm saying that right, but like I'm a firm believer that when you go through someone's phone or email, if you're, if like again, if you're being crazy, if you're just like, if you're just one of those people who just goes through their phone not because you have reason, because you're just like, you don't trust people, you're going to find something that's going to piss you off. If you're looking for something to piss you off, chances are you'll find something that pisses you off. So you have to be careful about that. So before you go start going through every message and be like, who's this? What are you saying? You know, and you're like, I hope you have a good day. And he said, I hope you have a good day to someone named Jenny. You're like, why are you wishing Jenny and saying, you know, I don't. Maybe it's a co. You know, like, you know what I'm saying? There could be context there. You're looking for the obvious things of like, there's a. A text thread of like, weird, you know, you know, if it's like you go into his DMS and all of a sudden it's in vanish mode for like three people. It's like, why you have vanish mode on. On these three conversations and they're women. Like, if it's snap, you know, you should. You should have had the right now that might not approved anything. Maybe he's just very diligent and good at hiding things. But my point is, in that moment, you had the right to say, let's. Let's figure this out together. But I, I need to look through your phone because, like, I. Unfortunately, I need some hard evidence to the contrary because this is. I'm holding a pair of underwear that's not mine in my hand. And that's kind of crazy. And I want to believe you, but, like, you, if you were in my position, you would. You would need that verification too. I think that's something you could have done in that moment. Immediately ask for that phone. Don't give him the opportunity to go through it, to delete. Be like, I just need to see it. Like, I, I need that peace of mind. And you say it in a way where it's like, we want. We want me to do this because we. You didn't do anything wrong. And I want to believe you didn't do anything wrong. So just give me that phone because you got nothing to hide, you know, and when you, When. When shit like that happens, you got to. You better. You got to be quick to act on those things. And I don't think that's crazy. It's not totally unbelievable that this pair of underwear is someone else's. It's not. Could be from someone from his past. It's possible. Unlikely, perhaps, but not totally unbelievable. And like I said, so when that things happen, you got to figure, you got to act fast, so to speak. And then again, if he, you know, their reaction to you demanding their phone in a very calm way, you know, you're just like, listen, I just. This is a very simple solution. Just show me your phone. Right now, and hopefully that will, like, clear the air, because if I can't find anything, there's a good chance, you know, again, that's. That's, like, that's not a surefire way, but that's a great start. If he's sloppy enough to have a pair of women's underwear at his house because he's cheating on you, then he's probably sloppy enough to not delete all his messages. He's clearly sloppy enough to be snapchatting women at 2am in front of you. You know, I'm saying. So, like.
