The Viall Files: Episode E885 - Ask Nick: The Best Bangsgiving Ever

Release Date: February 17, 2025

Introduction

In Episode E885 of The Viall Files, host Nick Viall delves into complex relationship dynamics through listener call-ins. This episode, titled "Ask Nick - The Best Bangsgiving Ever," primarily focuses on Jessica's Thanksgiving experience that spiraled into unexpected relationship complications. Additionally, the episode features Dakota's struggles with family inclusion and Max's heartbreaking breakup during a family crisis. Nick, alongside co-host Natalie Joy and the Household, provides insightful advice to navigate these intricate personal challenges.

Jessica's Thanksgiving Conundrum

Timestamp: [04:18] - [21:22]

Jessica, a 27-year-old listener, calls in seeking advice after hooking up with Brad, her roommate's friend who recently ended an eight-year relationship with his ex, Emily. What was intended to be a lighthearted Thanksgiving hookup quickly became entangled in emotional complications.

Background and Hookup

Jessica explains, "I hooked up with my roommate slash best friend's friend who just got out of an eight-year relationship with her other friend." This connection intended to be casual turned into a "situationship" as Brad began spending more time with Jessica, leading to deeper emotional involvement.

Emerging Issues

One of the primary concerns arose when Jessica's best friend, also named Jessica, felt compelled to inform Emily about the new hookup:

"She just thought that she figured that she was going to hear from someone else. And if Jessica wasn't the one who told her, she knew that she would just not be happy about that." ([05:18] Jessica)

This revelation led Emily to confront Brad, escalating tensions within their friend group. Jessica describes the situation:

"Brad ended up feeling the need to go and talk to Emily, his ex, about it in person for, like, hours. It turned into a whole ordeal." ([06:35] Jessica)

Nick's Advice

Nick empathizes with Jessica's predicament and offers strategic advice to regain control of the situation:

1. Establish Boundaries: Nick emphasizes the importance of setting clear boundaries to prevent the situation from worsening.

   "You need to very as soon as possible... tell him that you don't think he's ready, and then you don't say it if you can't back it up." ([16:25] Nick)

2. Maintain Independence: By creating distance and asserting independence, Jessica can reinforce her self-worth and make Brad more inclined to commit.

   "The more you show him that you don't need him, the more he will want you." ([17:46] Jessica)

3. Handle Shared Commitments: With plans to vacation together, Nick advises Jessica to suggest room changes to minimize intimacy and maintain boundaries.

   "Can you switch rooms?... You'll get what you want much faster." ([16:31] Nick)

4. Communicate Clearly: Instead of ultimatums, Jessica should express her feelings calmly and assertively, outlining her needs without pressuring Brad.

   "I'm just expressing how I feel. I do think we're moving a little fast... I think we should just stop doing what we're doing right now." ([12:03] Jessica)

Outcome and Next Steps

Jessica acknowledges the advice and plans to implement Nick's strategies during the upcoming vacation. She recognizes the need to prioritize her happiness and set firm boundaries to prevent further emotional entanglement.

"We have a game plan." ([22:57] Jessica)

Dakota's Family Dynamics and Group Chat Exclusion

Timestamp: [26:01] - [49:44]

Dakota, a 30-year-old listener, shares her long-standing challenges with her father and stepmother regarding family inclusion. She feels excluded from the family group chat, exacerbating feelings of resentment and marginalization.

Family Struggles

Dakota recounts her turbulent relationship with her father following her parents' separation. Forced custody arrangements led to deep-seated resentment, further fueled by her stepmother's favoritism towards her adopted sister and brother.

"I've been so bad at speaking how I feel... I just kind of let it go." ([29:35] Dakota)

Seeking Inclusion

Dakota desires to be part of the family group chat to feel more connected but fears rejection and further exclusion. She highlights instances where her presence was overlooked, such as her brother's birthday not including her in shared memories.

"I just looked at him and my stepmom, and I was like, what? Group chat?" ([30:10] Dakota)

Nick's Guidance

Nick advises Dakota to shift her approach by focusing on her own happiness and reducing expectations that lead to disappointment:

1. Accepting Limitations: Understanding that her stepmother may never change can help Dakota manage her expectations and reduce resentment.

   "Stop expecting him to be this person that he's not." ([44:30] Nick)

2. Communicate Effectively: Dakota should express her desires without accusing or blaming, fostering a more receptive environment.

   "Tell your dad how he can help you feel more connected without complaining about the past." ([37:02] Nick)

3. Prioritize Personal Well-being: By redirecting her energy towards her own family and personal growth, Dakota can diminish the emotional toll of her strained relationship.

   "Stop wasting all this energy on that family. Focus on your family." ([49:12] Nick)

Implementing Change

Dakota acknowledges the need to communicate her feelings constructively and prioritize her family's well-being over past grievances.

"I think that's great advice... stop expecting your dad to be this person that he's not." ([45:26] Nick)

Max's Breakup During a Family Crisis

Timestamp: [54:13] - [80:06]

Max, a 35-year-old listener, shares his painful experience of being abandoned by his girlfriend during his mother's critical illness and Christmas. The breakup not only left him emotionally devastated but also financially burdened due to joint investments in a dream home.

Heartbreaking Abandonment

Max describes how his girlfriend abruptly ended the relationship amidst his mother's passing, leaving him to handle both emotional and financial fallout.

"She basically packing her things and leaving me to fend for myself along with the financial cost of everything." ([54:30] Max)

Financial Consequences

Max had invested significantly in a barndominium and planned a grand proposal, both of which were jeopardized by the breakup. Now, he faces the challenge of managing the property alone.

"I bought land and I financed the building of the house." ([56:01] Max)

Nick's Strategy

Nick provides actionable advice to help Max navigate this turbulent period:

1. Detach Emotionally from Financial Investments: Viewing the property as a business decision rather than an emotional asset can help Max make pragmatic choices.

   "Talk to who you need to talk to and get the best sound advice about the best solution for this property." ([73:55] Nick)

2. Focus on Personal Growth: Continuing his efforts in therapy and self-improvement can aid Max in healing and moving forward.

   "Lean into that support group... Make a serious investment in making sure that you are able to get this out in a productive way." ([75:08] Nick)

3. Limit Ruminating Thoughts: Nick encourages Max to redirect his thoughts away from the past relationship to reduce emotional distress.

   "Catch yourself and be like, all right, I'm doing it. Just think of something else." ([68:57] Nick)

Moving Forward

Max agrees with Nick's advice, expressing his commitment to separating emotions from his financial obligations and focusing on rebuilding his life.

"I think that's what I'm going to end up doing... adding the objective sense." ([74:29] Max)

Key Takeaways

1. Setting Boundaries is Crucial: Whether dealing with budding relationships or family dynamics, establishing clear boundaries protects emotional well-being.

2. Acceptance Reduces Resentment: Recognizing and accepting people for who they are, rather than who we wish them to be, mitigates feelings of disappointment and resentment.

3. Redirecting Focus to Self-Growth: Investing time and energy into personal development and immediate family can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.

4. Effective Communication Matters: Expressing needs and feelings clearly and calmly fosters healthier relationships and reduces conflicts.

5. Managing Emotional Energy: Avoiding ruminative thoughts and seeking productive distractions accelerates emotional healing and personal growth.

Conclusion

In this episode of The Viall Files, Nick Viall adeptly navigates through listener dilemmas, offering practical and empathetic advice. From Jessica's complicated Thanksgiving hookup to Dakota's familial struggles and Max's painful breakup, the episode underscores the importance of boundaries, acceptance, and self-focus in overcoming relationship challenges. Whether seeking relationship wisdom or coping strategies for personal crises, listeners gain valuable insights to enhance their love lives and personal well-being.

Notable Quotes

• Jessica: “We have become this kind of situationship of sorts.” ([11:44] Jessica)

• Nick: “You need to very as soon as possible... tell him that you don't think he's ready.” ([16:25] Nick)

• Dakota: “I'm just scared to bring it up because anytime... it's like talking to a colleague.” ([37:53] Dakota)

• Max: “She said, I can't give advice because I'm not in that situation... it didn't help me.” ([55:57] Max)

• Nick: “Stop wasting all this energy on that family. Focus on your family.” ([49:12] Nick)

This comprehensive summary encapsulates the key discussions, insights, and advice provided in Episode E885 of The Viall Files, offering listeners a clear and engaging overview of the episode's content.