Podcast Summary: The Viall Files – Episode E939: Ask Nick - Revenge Dating

Release Date: May 26, 2025

Introduction

In Episode E939 of The Viall Files, host Nick Viall addresses listeners’ personal dilemmas surrounding dating and relationships. This episode features two callers seeking advice: Anna grapples with a malicious smear campaign from her ex-fiancé, while Melissa contemplates her undateable status as she approaches her 40th birthday. Throughout the episode, Nick provides insightful guidance, drawing from his experiences and expertise to help listeners navigate complex emotional landscapes.

Caller 1: Anna’s Struggle with Revenge Dating

Background

Anna, a 32-year-old woman, calls in distressed after discovering her ex-fiancé's infidelity and the subsequent smear campaign he initiated against her. She reveals that two months ago, she uncovered evidence of her fiancé cheating in a manner she deemed dishonorable. Her ex-fiancé has been spreading false claims that Anna fabricated the cheating allegations due to being bipolar, a condition Anna denies.

Discovery of Infidelity

Anna explains how she stumbled upon the betrayal: “I was making our wedding invitations… and I came across a screen recording. So then I started looking for more and found a lot more” (03:04). The recordings revealed her fiancé’s inappropriate communications and interactions with his college roommate and his wife.

Smear Campaign Details

Her ex-fiancé publicly discredited her by labeling her as bipolar, leading her friends and family to distance themselves. Anna states, “he has told all of his friends and family that I made it all up because I'm bipolar, which I'm not” (02:17).

Family Dynamics and Confrontation

Seeking support, Anna reached out to her fiancé’s sister, which led to temporary shelter but resulted in strained interactions upon her fiancé’s return. She discovered messages where he threatened legal action over the possession of incriminating videos: “he said that he would sue me for revenge porn” (07:17).

Nick’s Advice

Nick empathizes with Anna’s pain and advises her to prioritize her healing over seeking vindication. He emphasizes that engaging in retaliation, such as distributing the videos, would only perpetuate her suffering. Instead, he encourages her to:

• Focus on Healing: “You're still very much, like, healing and hurting right now. Right.” (07:38)

• Letting Go: “Your energy right now is being channeled on being right and convincing people that you're not crazy and you're not wrong.” (07:42)

• Protecting Herself: “Delete those videos… they put you in a vulnerable position” (15:28)

Nick concludes by reassuring Anna that moving forward and distancing herself from the negativity will ultimately benefit her emotional well-being.

Notable Quotes

• “I just had to punch the face, now they're kicking you in the groin.” (06:33)

• “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” (07:48)

• “It's not your problem anymore, you just have to have faith that karma will work itself out.” (08:01)

Caller 2: Melissa’s Journey to Overcome Being Undateable

Background

Melissa, a 38-year-old mother of two, reaches out feeling concerned about her ability to find a long-term partner. Despite her efforts, she struggles to meet men who share her desire for a serious relationship and the intention to have more children.

Challenges in the Dating Pool

Melissa describes her dating landscape: “men my age either are looking for something not serious or they have already had the family” (22:07). She feels caught between the desire for companionship and the frustration of not finding compatible partners who align with her life goals.

Self-Awareness and Therapy

As a therapist herself, Melissa is acutely aware of the dynamics at play. She acknowledges her tendencies to seek validation and reflects on how past relationships have influenced her current fears: “I have to protect myself from that vulnerability” (73:56).

Previous Marriage Trauma

Melissa shares her painful experience from a previous marriage that ended due to her husband's infidelity and declaration of love for someone else. This history has left her wary of new relationships and hesitant to engage deeply out of fear of repeating past mistakes.

Nick’s Advice

Nick offers Melissa comprehensive advice aimed at rebuilding her self-esteem and reshaping her approach to dating:

• Embrace Independence: “Embrace being this independent woman and really see the value in that” (52:52)

• Be Patient: “You have to stay patient and perhaps some time will go by and you can feel pretty good” (55:48)

• Focus on Self-Love: “The better you are at loving yourself… will help you attract healthier relationships” (84:12)

• Expand Dating Pool: Suggests Melissa consider dating older men who may be more aligned with her relationship goals and possess the maturity she seeks.

• Letting Go of Ego-Driven Thoughts: Encourages Melissa to move past self-blaming thoughts and focus on her growth and self-worth.

Notable Quotes

• “Yes, you're not looking for someone, you know, you're looking for someone…” (26:00)

• “You're not marrying these guys, right?” (49:54)

• “You have a lot going for you, so keep doing it.” (67:05)

• “There are people in your position, a lot of women specifically, and a ton of lonely men out there.” (64:32)

Progress and Growth

Melissa discusses the steps she has taken towards healing, such as solo travel and engaging in self-care routines. Despite these efforts, she expresses concern over not feeling the desired progress: “I don't know what that feels like” (73:09). Nick reinforces the notion that healing is a gradual process and commends her for seeking help and making strides towards self-improvement.

Conclusion

In this episode, Nick Viall provides compassionate and practical advice to listeners grappling with complex relationship issues. Through Anna and Melissa’s stories, he underscores the importance of focusing on personal healing, setting healthy boundaries, and maintaining patience in the pursuit of meaningful connections. The episode serves as a testament to the challenges many face in the dating world and offers valuable insights into overcoming emotional obstacles to achieve happiness and fulfillment.

Key Takeaways

• Prioritize Healing: Focus on personal growth and emotional well-being over retaliation or proving others wrong.

• Embrace Independence: Developing self-love and independence can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

• Be Patient: Finding the right partner takes time; rushing can lead to settling for less than desired.

• Set Healthy Boundaries: Recognize and address patterns that may be detrimental to building healthy relationships.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Anna: “I found out he was cheating on me in a really gross way… he told all of his friends and family that I made it all up because I'm bipolar, which I'm not.” (02:17)

2. Nick: “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” (07:48)

3. Anna: “He told me about how they slept together before we met, but he lied about the timeline.” (04:15)

4. Nick: “Your energy right now is being channeled on being right and convincing people that you're not crazy and you're not wrong.” (07:42)

5. Melissa: “I feel like I'm doing everything right in every other aspect of my life.” (58:24)

6. Nick: “Embrace being this independent woman and really see the value in that.” (52:52)

7. Melissa: “I have to protect myself from that vulnerability that comes from meeting someone I might really like.” (86:36)

8. Nick: “You have a lot going for you, so keep doing it.” (67:05)

Note: All timestamps correspond to minutes and seconds within the episode transcript.