The Viall Files - Episode E973 Summary: Ask Nick - My Therapist Is Bestie’s Toxic Ex

Release Date: July 28, 2025

Introduction

In Episode E973 of The Viall Files, host Nick Viall, alongside co-hosts Natalie Joy and the Household, delves into complex relationship issues brought forth by listeners. This episode features two in-depth call-ins, addressing challenges related to toxic relationships and the intertwining of personal and professional boundaries.

Caller 1: Grace's Dilemma with Her Friend's Toxic Ex-Therapist

Timestamp: 02:05 - 35:24

Background:

Grace, a 35-year-old woman, reaches out seeking advice about her best friend's toxic ex-husband, who was also her therapist. The situation is complicated by ongoing legal and emotional struggles surrounding a child from their tumultuous relationship.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Toxic Relationship History:

   • Grace explains that her friend's ex entered a highly toxic relationship, which culminated in an unwanted pregnancy after an ill-planned reconciliation attempt.
   • The ex is now emotionally triggered, making civil interactions impossible, and has become uninvolved in the child's life.

2. Current Support Dynamics:

   • Grace and her husband are among the few pushing the ex to take responsibility and be involved as a father.
   • Other friends and the ex’s family are either indifferent or unaware of the significance of his involvement.

3. Legal and Emotional Barriers:

   • The ex faces significant legal hurdles in obtaining custody due to the mother’s instability and his strained relationship with her.
   • Grace highlights the immediate emotional toll on both her and her husband, who are new parents themselves.

Notable Quotes:

• Grace (02:18):

  "Our friend was in a very toxic relationship and he finally broke up with her. It dragged on for an unnecessary amount of time."

• Nick (06:04):

  "It's a tough situation that you just described... I don't think this is a situation where you cut off your friend."

Advice from Nick:

1. Empathy and Understanding:

   • Acknowledge the complexity of the situation and the emotional bond the ex might still have.
   • Encourage Grace to continue supporting her friend without enabling negative behavior.

2. Encouraging Professional Help:

   • Suggest that the ex seek a new therapist if current therapy isn’t effective.
   • Emphasize the importance of addressing underlying emotional issues to improve his involvement as a father.

3. Positive Reinforcement:

   • Advise Grace to focus on the long-term benefits of her friend being present in his child's life.
   • Recommend framing conversations around the positive impact of fatherhood rather than focusing solely on past shortcomings.

4. Balancing Support and Boundaries:

   • Counsel Grace to maintain her support while setting healthy boundaries to prevent emotional burnout.
   • Highlight the importance of collective support from other friends to alleviate the pressure solely on her and her husband.

Conclusion of Grace's Segment:

Grace expresses gratitude for Nick's advice and commits to involving her husband more actively in encouraging their friend. She plans to shift the conversation towards empowering her friend to take positive steps in his parenting journey.

Caller 2: Lindsay's Conundrum - Should She Tell Her Friend Her Ex Was Her Therapist?

Timestamp: 39:18 - 78:16

Background:

Lindsay, a 28-year-old master's student in counseling, seeks guidance on whether to disclose to her friend, Sarah, that her ex-husband was her therapist. This revelation stems from a developing friendship that began through shared interests in reality TV.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Nature of the Relationship:

   • Lindsay and Sarah became close over three weeks, bonding through watching Bachelor in Paradise.
   • Lindsay had been referred to Sarah's husband as a therapist but discontinued therapy after six months.

2. Complicated Dynamics:

   • Lindsay discovers that her ex-husband, Joe, has borderline personality disorder and was emotionally abusive.
   • She wrestles with the ethical implications of withholding this information from Sarah, fearing it could jeopardize their budding friendship.

3. Fear of Consequences:

   • Lindsay is concerned that not disclosing might lead to trust issues or awkwardness if Sarah learns about her through other means.
   • She feels conflicted between maintaining honesty and preserving the friendship.

Notable Quotes:

• Lindsay (39:18):

  "Should I tell my friend that her soon to be ex husband used to be my therapist?"

• Nick (40:33):

  "You should have told her. 100%."

Advice from Nick:

1. Prioritize Honesty:

   • Encourage Lindsay to disclose the information promptly to maintain integrity in the friendship.
   • Emphasize that transparency builds trust, even if the initial conversation is uncomfortable.

2. Approach with Vulnerability:

   • Suggest approaching Sarah in a private setting, such as over coffee, to discuss the matter openly.
   • Recommend expressing regret for the delay and explaining her reasons without making excuses.

3. Prepare for Various Reactions:

   • Advise Lindsay to be ready for a range of emotions from Sarah, including surprise, hurt, or understanding.
   • Highlight the importance of respecting Sarah’s feelings and giving her space if needed.

4. Focus on Building Trust:

   • Stress that this disclosure, while difficult, can strengthen the friendship by establishing a foundation of honesty.
   • Encourage Lindsay to continue fostering trust through consistent and open communication.

Conclusion of Lindsay's Segment:

Lindsay feels reassured by Nick's guidance and decides to approach Sarah with honesty and vulnerability. She acknowledges the importance of resolving the ethical dilemma to nurture a meaningful and trustworthy friendship.

Wrapping Up

In this episode, Nick Viall provides compassionate and practical advice to listeners facing intricate relationship challenges. By addressing Grace's concerns about her friend's toxic ex-therapist and Lindsay's ethical dilemma regarding disclosure to a new friend, the episode underscores the significance of empathy, honesty, and strategic support in maintaining and nurturing healthy relationships.

Listeners are encouraged to approach difficult conversations with transparency and to balance support with personal boundaries, ensuring that relationships remain authentic and resilient.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Grace (04:58):

  "We just really aren't sure how to proceed because we seem to be one of his only friends expressing how important it is."

• Nick (17:25):

  "He needs to take that ownership. He needs to accept that..."

• Lindsay (61:28):

  "I feel like I'm trying to analyze things to get to the bottom of it..."

• Nick (73:49):

  "You have to make him feel empowered. You have to make him feel like this is the right thing to do."

This comprehensive summary captures the essence of Episode E973, providing an insightful overview for those who haven't tuned in while highlighting the critical advice and emotional nuances discussed by Nick and the callers.