Nick (9:42)
Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I think, you know, usually when with those types of things, I mean, we're younger, we might be a little more rebellious, and then we definitely get out of that rebellious phase and realize, no, that maybe this does matter to me more than I thought. Well, okay. Anyways, I just. Thanks for sharing all that. I'm not trying to. Like, you're not even asking whether you should break up or not. I just. I always want to hear your thought process, it being your first relationship. I also just want to make sure you're making decision with, like, a clear head. It kind of raised a bit of alarm bells for me when it's this whole story started by, like, so I lost my job. And usually those types of, like, pivotal moments, like will. Will. Will affect us in ways that we don't realize. And then kind of a snow. Snowball effect. And maybe sometimes all for the pos. Maybe, maybe, maybe this period, Will, is a wake up call for you that you've been kind of, you know, sitting on and not doing anything about making meaningful changes in your life. And you've been kind of going with the status quo and living in a more of a state of comfort rather than like, hey, I'm only 27. Like, now's the time of my life to be a little riskier. I won't get many opportunities to do what I even have an opportunity to do. So now, Now's the time. I mean, how do you break up with someone? There's no good way, right? Like, and, you know, so couple of things is to remember, I'm sure you've heard me say this before, you want to be direct and kind at the same time. All right, you also, your. Your goal is not to be friends with him, and your goal is not to make sure he likes you when you walk out the door, so to speak. You know, you have to allow him to think of you as the villain in his story. You're gonna break his heart. He's going to be like, why are you quitting on us? I'm willing to. Like, it's gonna feel like it's not good enough for, you know, it's like, first he presented him with this thing that you wanted to do, and he's like, he hated it. Like, and then he was like, well, I guess fine, if I don't want to like, stop you from chasing your dreams. So, like, I guess go, I have my concerns, but, like, big picture, if we end up together, like, this is a blip on the radar. So, like, I guess I'll support you. And now you're gonna be like, well, actually, just kidding, I don't want your support. I just, I want, I don't want you. And that's gonna hurt, you know, and so he might be angry and sad. And although all those things, it's gonna be a process. So, like, I think the, the nicest way is to be as kind as possible. Do not sugarcoat things. It's better to be direct and kind rather than to, like, insert unnecessary hope that he is going to be looking for. He's going to look. Be looking for you to say things like, maybe in the future, or, I don't know how I'm going to feel when I get back. And that might all be true because you're also going to be operating from a place of fear as well, right? Like, you don't know for sure. Maybe this is a mistake. I don't. Who knows? I don't know. Like, but if this is how you really feel, then, you know, then, then it's okay to, like, have your heart change, so to speak. And so people in your position are going to want to hedge the bet, right? You're going to want to be like, fuck, well, if I do, like, I do want him to not be mad at me. I don't want to be a bad guy. I don't want to break his heart. And, oh, by the way, if I change my mind, I want to make sure I can get back in. But I don't think you should, that should be your priority in the moment. I think it is one of those things. You have to be as respectful and as kind as. And then allow him to be angry, to hate you in the short run, knowing that you ultimately didn't do anything mean or cruel. And he will eventually get over it and see it for the big, big picture that it is. But, like, don't fill him with false hope. Don't ask to be friends. Don't. You know, and he's gonna figure out, you know, he will try and he will really try, most likely, to figure out ways to stay connected to you. And it's gonna feel mean to turn him down because it's going to feel so reasonable. And it's also going to feel like something honestly that you want, right? There's a good chance he'll. He'll be angry he'll be sad, whatever. And then, like, maybe a week later, before you go, he's like, I totally get it. I'm sorry if I handle it this way. But, like, I just want you to know that, like, I'm still here for you and I, you know, I'll still be a friend to you. And like. And in the back of my mind, what he's hoping is to just have access to you. He just wants to stay close to you. Right. Because, like, the, there's so many phases of breaking up, right? Like, there's the initial breakup of like, hey, just bad news, don't want to do this anymore. Right. And then, and then you both grow this for this emotional process, right? Like, he being on the receiving end of. Of heartbreak. He, he, he's. He's going to have a relationship with you in his head for a period of time. Well past that, Right. He's going to be talking to friends and having conversations in his head and things like that. And that's where, like, the hope can be very dangerous. You know, that's where it's just like, you don't want him ruminating over your maybes in the will sees and like, the possibilities in the future, and it's all, you know, and it will be something that also you probably would benefit from. But it would be ultimately selfish of you to take him up on that offer. For him to be available to you.
