The Viall Files — Episode 988 Summary

Ask Nick: "I Regret Moving For Love"

Aired: August 25, 2025
Host: Nick Viall

Episode Overview

In this “Ask Nick” episode, Nick Viall fields candid relationship questions from three callers: supporting a friend in a toxic relationship, the mixed emotions of moving for love, and navigating unclear signals in early dating. Nick brings his classic blend of directness, empathy, and personal anecdotes, challenging listeners to examine boundaries, communication, and the art of letting go.

Key Caller Segments

1. Emotional Distance: Supporting a Friend in a Toxic Breakup

[03:09–50:06]

Situation

• Caller: Patricia, 30
• Worried about a best friend whose on-off relationship has caused her serious anxiety, panic attacks, and emotional withdrawal from friends.
• The friend acknowledges the relationship is unhealthy but keeps returning to her ex, making Patricia feel helpless and emotionally drained.

Main Discussion Points

• Assessing Boundaries vs. Enabling
  Nick probes why Patricia is so invested:

  “It almost sounds like you’re doing too much... you’re an adult, she’s an adult — it’s her life.” ([07:19])

• Personal Anecdote: Letting Friends Make Mistakes
  Nick recalls his own stubbornness and distancing during a toxic past relationship:

  “I distanced myself... my friends had no authority over me... I just got stubborn with my point of view.” ([10:49])

• When Support Becomes a Burden
  Patricia worries about lost closeness and her friend’s lack of reciprocity.

  “The hardest part is, it’s made her a really bad friend. It’s hard to talk to her about good stuff because I’m worried it’ll make her unhappy... Bad stuff, she just doesn’t have the headspace for.” ([06:00])

• Nick’s Advice: Radical Acceptance & Grace

  • Don’t try to “fix” her friend or force change.
  • Communicate needs, but accept friendship may be temporarily one-sided.
  • Remind her friend of her own worth, but “you have to be willing to be that reminder without getting anything immediate in return.” ([35:44])
  • Focus on managing her own expectations and emotional investment.

Notable Quotes

• Nick:

  “You can't help people who don’t want to help themselves... you’re not her parent, not a therapist.” ([14:48])
  “Sometimes you just have to let things blow up in our face, hit rock bottom, and learn the hard way.” ([21:58])
  “Holding her accountable is you communicating your frustrations, or distancing yourself a little bit...” ([19:23])

• Patricia:

  “I know she’s an adult and she’s smart. I just don’t want her to be sad.” ([21:39])
  “How do I keep being a good friend when it just feels so one-sided?” ([38:24])

• Nick’s Guidance on Engagement:

  “If they do get engaged... if she’s not asking your opinion, I don’t think you give it... Just say congratulations.” ([39:07])

• On Planting Seeds:

  “Nothing you’re going to say is going to have her immediately change her mind. You’re planting seeds…reminding her of her worth.” ([35:44])

Actionable Takeaways

• Communicate honestly, but let go of needing reciprocity right now.
• Reframe expectations—friendship may ebb and flow, especially in times of crisis.
• Offer gentle reminders of worth, and if invited, ask guiding questions instead of offering unsolicited advice.

2. "I Regret Moving for Love": Homesickness & Adaptation

[53:43–72:10]

Situation

• Caller: Katie, 36
• Moved from the Midwest to the Northeast for her husband (both work in the arts), struggling to adjust and missing home/family, especially involvement with her nephews.
• Loves her husband—“would do anything for each other”—but feels stuck, unsure how to communicate her struggle without making him feel bad.

Main Discussion Points

• Logistics & Compromise:

  • Husband’s career is location-dependent; Katie’s could be more flexible, but she’s less fulfilled.
  • Both have discussed the issue before; husband is supportive but would have trouble relocating for work.

• Nick’s Advice: It Takes More Than a Year to Adjust

  “It takes longer than a year to really give any new place a chance... All you can tell yourself is, I didn’t want to do this in the first place... and as I expected, this place is not home." ([55:49])

• Mindset Shift Needed

  • Find ways to make new place “yours”—make friends, find routines, invest in community.
  • Plant metaphor:

    “You have, like, this flower bed that you haven’t really planted in the ground. ...You brought flowers, but you haven’t replanted them in the soil—you’re still in pots.” ([66:27])

  • Consider returning to more social/steady work for connection and security, not just fulfillment.

• On Sacrifice and Partnership

  “Relationships are about compromise. It’s not tit for tat, but you need to feel he recognizes the sacrifice you’ve made.” ([63:05])

Notable Quotes

• Katie:

  “Change is so hard for me it’s almost debilitating... I’ve spent my first months just in fight or flight.” ([63:05])

• Nick:

  “You have to make friends. If you haven’t, the place won’t feel like home.” ([62:27])
  “Find little things you like about this place, instead of reminding yourself what it doesn’t offer.” ([66:52])

Actionable Takeaways

• Invest in building a life independent from your partner—friends, hobbies, routines.
• Challenge yourself to focus on positives and take concrete steps to “plant roots.”
• Continue open communication with your spouse, but don’t rush big decisions before truly trying.

3. "Does He Hate Texting, Or Does He Hate Me?": Mixed Signals & Modern Dating

[75:41–108:10]

Situation

• Caller: Anonymous
• Reconnected with a former Hinge date after months apart. Had several nice dates, but his texting and energy became inconsistent—especially after she turned down intimacy on their third date. Unsure if he lost interest or is just a “bad texter.”

Main Discussion Points

• Nick Pushes Back Against "If He Wanted To, He Would"

  • The classic rule applies for clear-cut situations, but “you’re applying the ‘if he wanted to, he would’ with someone who has pursued more than you.”
  • Discusses how vulnerability can be easily mistaken for chasing, but healthy relationships require both to put themselves out there.

• The Modern Male Dilemma

  “Any good guy... wants to pay attention to the dating climate. It can be confusing: am I supposed to pursue, or is that too aggressive?” ([88:13])

• The Need for Clarity and Directness

  “In 2025, there’s a huge difference between putting yourself out there and chasing. You do need to give him something, too.” ([85:13])

  • Suggests the caller be more explicit about interest to break the ambiguity.

• Personal Anecdote: How Mixed Signals Can Sustain Limbo

  • Nick references a long-term dating limbo where “sometimes two people can like each other but not be communicators... you might have to be the one who puts yourself out there.” ([91:07])

Notable Quotes

• Nick:

  “If all you’re risking is a little ego embarrassment, it’s worth finding out. Put yourself out there enough to get your answer.” ([97:10])
  “Be direct. Just be direct... If he likes you, he’ll be glad you reached out.” ([100:05])
  “We all overcomplicate dating sometimes because we don’t want to get rejected.” ([98:27])

• Caller (On Chasing vs. Vulnerability):

  “I just, my biggest rule is if you’re confused, he doesn’t like you... But maybe I’m being confusing.” ([84:57])

Actionable Takeaways

• Don’t let fear of “chasing” prevent clear communication. Being direct is not the same as desperation.
• Modern dating requires mutual validation and vulnerability—men need signals, too.
• If you want clarity, ask—directly, kindly, and without games. Accept the answer and move forward.

Memorable Moments

• Nick’s story about how negotiation, stubbornness, and grace shape long friendships and relationships ([29:13])
• The flower pot analogy for moving and putting down roots is peak Nick:

  “You have... this flower bed you haven’t really planted in the ground... you’re still in the pot.” ([66:27])

• On dating in 2025:

  “What is romance in 2025? In the past it was, ‘I asked her 20 times.’ Now that’s stalker behavior. There’s nothing wrong with validating a man.” ([88:13])

Segment Timestamps

• [03:09] Call #1: Patricia — Supporting a friend in a toxic relationship
• [53:43] Call #2: Katie — Regretting a move for love
• [75:41] Call #3: Anonymous — "Does he hate texting, or does he hate me?"

Final Takeaways

Nick’s advice throughout the episode repeatedly returns to themes of relinquishing control, honest self-reflection, and the hard work of growing up and living authentically—both in friendships and romantic relationships.

“You can only control how you show up. You can only plant seeds. The rest is up to them—and to fate.” ([35:44])

If you're feeling stuck in your own relationship funk—whether it’s a friendship in crisis, a major life transition for love, or confusion in dating—the episode invites you to step back, assess what’s truly in your control, and be brave enough to either set boundaries or put yourself out there, as the case may be.

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