Nick (3:07)

Question.

Nick (3:08)

In what way do you feel that you guys are similar that you feel is a weakness or an insecurity or a shortcoming that you relate to?

Jane (3:18)

Yes, we both have some time blindness. And so that's one thing where. And so, yeah, that's one thing where in the past, it would always be like, my dad doesn't care about me because he didn't show up on time. And he can be forgetful and he can be, like, a little sporadic, not super reliable. And I pride myself on being more reliable. But, you know, in order to be nicer to myself about my time blindness, I also need to give him grace about it. And so that was something like. I really learned that I'm judging myself on the things that we share. And in order to be nicer to myself, I also need to accept that he's human in those ways.

Nick (4:08)

What do you mean by time blindness? I'm just curious.

Jane (4:11)

Yeah, just like. I mean, that's like an ADHD term. So just like you. You were blind to time, you show up late. Not usually. Not showing up at all, but just like 15 minutes to 20 minutes late, usually.

Nick (4:28)

Right.

Jane (4:29)

Is like time blindness. And we showed up late to the festival, and I noticed I had, like, a lot of anxiety because I was like, oh, gosh, I'm showing up late there on time.

Nick (4:40)

And while other. Yeah. Others consider it inconsiderate or rude or you not literally showing up for someone, to the people, that's not their intention.

Nick (4:50)

Yeah, okay.

Jane (4:51)

Exactly. And, yeah, to give him grace that, like, being on time is not his strong suit. And that may have been really difficult and triggering when I was a kid and I, like, needed him to show up places, but now it's. I can accept that he's a flawed human, and that doesn't mean he doesn't care about me. And when I don't show up places on time, that doesn't mean that I'm a bad person either. Just means that that is not something that comes naturally to either of us.

Nick (5:21)

Yeah, it's interesting. And listen, interpersonal relationships, specifically around family are tricky because, like, there's the security of their family. They're not going anywhere. I know that's not always the case for a lot of families, but there's. There's this bond that friends don't have. You can become friends who are like brother and sister, but, like, you don't even have to like your sibling, to, to love them and to want to do things for them or to have expectations of them. You know, obviously in the parent child relationship is that much more significant. But like, at the same time, I think people forget that, like even your parents are the main character in their story and you're the main character in yours. And that's the perspective you're both coming from. And all of us in life, when I interact with people or talk about people on the show in terms of my intentions of how they should feel about it versus how they feel about it, and we're all coming from that perspective. And so the only way that gets better is to check ourselves. Right. That's great. Great that you're able to do that.

Nick (6:23)

Yeah.

Nick (6:23)

Because it's really just about moving forward, honestly, like relitigating old fights. At some point you do have to move on. At some point, an apology just has to be enough. If you feel like it's sincere. You might not even fully agree about like the situation, but they might be like, listen, yeah, that part. Yeah, I could. I definitely fucked up there. And I.

Nick (6:43)

You listen.

Nick (6:44)

Not my. Wasn't my intention, but like, I get how, I get how you feel that way. I'm sorry, I'll try to be more careful, but sometimes you just got to move on. So awesome that you guys were able to do that. And if you sent me a ten page letter or whatever, zero chance I'd read.

Jane (6:59)

It wasn't a ten page letter. It was, it was multiple pages. And I was 19 years old. It was.

Nick (7:06)

If I got.

Nick (7:07)

Nick is also dyslexic.

Nick (7:08)

I'm just, honestly, if you sent me a text that might only be three.

Jane (7:13)

Sentences, he's still not reading.

Nick (7:15)

Not reading it. Yeah, I know. Basically, I'm speed reading it. I'm looking for keywords, you know, to be like, does it end on a positive note? Is it, you know, like, what's the energy? And I'm like, I. I know what I need to know. You know, we all. My point is we receive and give information differently and you being aware of that is. Is a step in the right direction. So I appreciate that.

Jane (7:36)

Absolutely. And I, you know, I kind of realized like now that I'm almost 30, like writing a letter to my dad is not necessarily the way that I want to communicate with him. I feel like that was more coming from my mom a little bit. Like that's how she would commun with him. That's how she would communicate with people. And I'm just, I'm just kind of learning. Like yeah, me at 19 writing a letter to my dad about how he didn't show up well is just like that doesn't align with how I deal with issues anymore. So.

Nick (8:12)

You'Re crazy.

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