#3496 McBee Dynasty S03E09: No Land for Old Babies

Summary

Watch What Crappens | Episode #3496: McBee Dynasty S03E09 – "No Land for Old Babies"

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Release Date: August 12, 2026

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Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie dig into the penultimate episode of McBee Dynasty Season 3, lampooning its slow pace, uninspired plotlines, and the family’s ever-expanding business ventures—most notably, their attempt to save the farm by breeding trendy miniature cows. The hosts revel in the show’s quirks, question the logic behind each cast member’s decisions, and point out just how little the series (and its characters) seem to actually progress. Highlights include rants about Bravo’s programming, musings on old-school computer screensavers, and endless jokes about pregnancy announcements, wedding secrecy, and cow insemination.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Season Fatigue & The Pregnancy Plot (03:10 - 05:51)

• “It’s time to end it. When your whole episode is about taking a fucking pregnancy test, nobody is shocked that you’re pregnant again.”
  – Ronnie, 03:17

• The central storyline is a drawn-out pregnancy reveal for Casey—an unsurprising development that Ben and Ronnie mercilessly mock.

• The hosts make clear their fatigue with the show’s repetitive structure (“just had a baby, getting pregnant again... someone get some hobbies!”) and decry the lack of real narrative momentum.

• Notable moment: The new baby's name is Tate, joining Blair. The hosts riff on the McBees' penchant for one-syllable, generic names.

2. The "Tiny Cow" Business Scheme (05:51 - 12:19, 21:19 - 27:03)

• Miniature Highland cows become the family’s next supposed financial savior—a plan Ben and Ronnie find preposterous and ripe for satirical takes.

  • “Do you really want a baby fluffy cow? ... They’re probably hunting them. They’re probably breeding them for hunting anyway.”
    – Ronnie, 05:51

  • The McBees’ venture is likened to a "puppy mill for cows." The hosts deride the ethics and logic of the plan, suggesting it’s unrealistic for saving a large, indebted farm.

  • “I don’t trust their blowouts. I’m sorry, I’m not trusting Casey with a blowout.”
    – Ben, 26:11

• A running joke develops about the cows’ future: will they be pampered by blow dryers, or accidentally swapped with the McBee children?

• Stephen Jr.’s pronouncement that miniature cows are a financial windfall is fact-checked by Ben, who checks real-life prices online (23:40), debunking the claim that they fetch $20,000 each.

3. Screensavers, Nostalgia, and Boredom (07:45 - 10:08)

• The drudgery of the McBee season leads the hosts down a nostalgic rabbit hole about classic computer screensavers—fish tanks and flying toasters.
• Rapid-fire banter about modern tech, livened by their ongoing exasperation with the show's content.

4. Family Drama & The Secret Wedding (13:53 - 22:18, 34:08 - 45:01)

• Casey and Cole have secretly married in Vegas, but have yet to tell Cole’s mom Christy—a weirdly drawn-out “secret-keeping” plot.

• Christy’s reaction is anticipated with a mix of sympathy and ridicule; Ronnie and Ben point out her passive demeanor and resigned acceptance:

  • “She is one of the most passive people on Bravo.”
    – Ben, 17:58

• The birthday party for Blair becomes the setting for the reveal, where Christy takes the news with an awkwardly supportive—if clearly hurt—smile.

  • “Smile through the pain.”
    – Ben (as Christy), 44:20

5. Pregnancy Test Comedy (35:07 - 36:39, 49:38 - 51:00)

• The episode devotes significant runtime to Casey anxiously taking a pregnancy test, with Ben and Ronnie providing a running commentary that sarcastically mimes the show’s tension.

  • “I can’t look at it, Ally! Here, hold this stick that has my pee pee on it.”
    – Ben, 35:34

• Cole’s reaction to the news is as lethargic as ever:

  • “He’s going to go: Wow. What? No. Huh? Wow.”
    – Ronnie, 49:49

6. Relationship Drama & Moving On (32:14 - 54:54)

• Steven and Ally’s “whirlwind” relationship is on the rocks as Ally decides to move back to Texas, prompting Steven’s melodramatic reflections.

  • “You don’t just say, ‘I’m ready now,’ and then come up with a template that you want, and then just punch a card and that—it’s not an order. It’s not a mini Highland Cow.”
    – Ronnie, 32:33

• The hosts skewer Steven’s “template relationships” and the show’s poorly constructed drama—most notably the rapid escalation of relationships fueled primarily by filming schedules.

7. Business Follies: Tallow, Embryo Transfers, and Financial Woes (54:25 - 74:48)

• The family’s various entrepreneurial efforts—including Casey’s tallow line and the embryo-transfer cow project—are picked apart.

  • “We spent all the rest of the money getting embryos into cows that didn’t consent to that. So sorry. Gonna have to wrap it up here.”
    – Ronnie (as Steven), 73:13

• Steven’s detachment from the actual business, the financial instability of the entire enterprise, and his willingness to drop $150,000 on a ring are all mocked.

• Casey is left juggling the tallow business and a baby while Cole proves hilariously unhelpful.

8. Favorite Quotes & Moments

• “Every week you’re going to save the farm with some new bullshit thing… There should be some choice in this, and I know cows can’t talk, but at some point they need to unionize.”
  – Ronnie, 10:20

• “Can you inseminate yourselves with brain cells? Is that possible?”
  – Ben, 12:12

• “If this family really wanted to make money, they would open a balloon factory because all—did you see how many balloons were in this place for this birthday party?”
  – Ronnie, 37:22

• “Christy would have been pissed. That’s true.” (on not being invited to the wedding)
  – Ronnie, 46:07

• “Steven is clearly with an influencer for that as well, you know, because he loves the fame, too.”
  – Ronnie, 56:04

9. Notable Tangents and Running Jokes

• Nostalgic asides about old screensavers, Prairie dress cosplay, “Sarah, Plain and Tall”, and Bravo’s recurring themes of poorly handled relationships.
• Repeated riffs on the blow-drying of cows, “puppy mills for cows”, and the endless cycle of McBee pregnancies and weddings.

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Important Timestamps

• 03:10 – Start of show recap & hosts’ complaints about season length/pregnancy plotline
• 05:51 – Miniature cow business idea dissected
• 12:19 – Ethical issues with cow breeding and family ventures lampooned
• 13:53 – Secret Vegas wedding setup / family drama
• 21:51 & 26:03 – Mini cow sales pitch mocked, pricing fact-checked
• 34:08 – Blair’s birthday party begins / tension builds for wedding announcement (continues through 45:01)
• 35:07–36:39 – Extended pregnancy test comedy
• 49:38–51:00 – Cole's underwhelming reaction to pregnancy news
• 54:25–56:04 – Steven and Ally’s relationship dissolves; fame ambitions noted
• 73:13–74:48 – Financial woes, business mishaps, Steven’s priorities ridiculed

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Conclusion

Ben and Ronnie mercilessly (but lovingly) lampoon a McBee Dynasty episode that’s largely about nothing, highlighting the show’s slow pace, redundant plotlines, and the family’s dubious attempts at business innovation. Through sharp improv and quotable zingers, the episode becomes a riotous comedy roast of both the McBee family and Bravo’s reality TV formula. If you missed the show, you’ll walk away with all the highlights, plenty of laughs, and not a single unanswered question about tiny cows or pregnancy tests—unless you’re still wondering what a “micro mini Highland” actually is (hint: it’s not the solution to any farm’s financial crisis).

Transcript

[A]

Who cares what happens when there's so much of crapping? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo. We just love to watch. And also the McBee dynasty, which is what is today. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me as usual is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Karam. Ronnie, how are you?

[B]

Good. How's it going?

[A]

Everything's going well. I feel like something that we have not really mentioned lately, but we should, is that both of us are going to be in conversation with other people next week or so because you are going on a boat ride of sorts, right, With Hannah and.

[B]

Yeah, I'm doing a dinner cruise with Hannah and Daisy from below deck in San Francisco on August 23rd with City Cruises. And you can get information on that and link in bio at either Daisy or Hannah's Instagram. And that's fun. It's selling really well. It should be a really fun night. I've done one with Sheena and Zach and, and Hannah and that one was in San Diego. It was so much fun. Everybody just comes and has dinners and drinks and then we do a little panel and party with people.

[A]

Yeah, it sounds like a great time. So if you're in the Bay Area, definitely, definitely go check out, check that out if you're in the Bay Area or back down and if you are back down, if you're in the LA area that very same night, I too, I too shall be in conversation with will be in conversation with Martin Sorge, who won one of the Great American Baking show seasons and I've been invited to have a conversation with him courtesy of Now Serving, which is a local and wonderful cookbook shop here in LA. And so it's going to be Sunday, August 23rd at 5pm at Friends and Family in East Hollywood, which is a great, great bakery, coffee shop etc that just do such good things. So come join us. Think it'll be really fun. I'm going to be. He has a new cookbook out called Great Bakes. This is not a commercial. This is just making sure people are there. So definitely go check that out to find links to that event. I should put it up on my ig. I'll have it up later. But in the meantime you just literally search for Martin Sorge Now Serving Ben Mand. Look at, look for Now Serving the cookbook shop and then they'll have their events calendar on their website. But come join. We're going to talk about baking. And that's super fun how.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

We're doing that the same night in different.

[A]

Yeah. Isn't that funny how that worked out same exact night. So.

[B]

Yep. Well, that's going to be good time. So we'll see you in both of those respective places.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Today is going to be Dynasty, almost the season finale. We're almost there. You know, I say on a lot of shows on Bravo that we cover, we don't need this long of a season. This isn't even that long. It's only episode nine. It's time to end it. When your whole episode is about taking a fucking pregnancy test, nobody is shocked that you're pregnant again.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

Let alone you. Why are you acting shocked? Nobody in the world is shocked that you're pregnant again. Congratulations. Do it over there. I don't. It doesn't need to be half an episode. You just had a baby. You're getting pregnant. Is somebody going to get married or is somebody else going to get married? Is somebody else going to get married? You all need to get some hobbies. There are just other things in life.

[A]

I don't even want to know what their hobbies would be. We already got a glimpse into it, which is inseminating cows. But, yeah, they almost timed this perfectly because they had their baby on Friday, this past Friday. Their baby's name is Tate. So they got Tate and Blair. They're like, we don't want extra syllables.

[B]

This is going to be one of the. Well, they. They have a one syllable other baby too.

[E]

Blair.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, what is Blair short for? Blair's a Beth. Blairella. Don't you dare. Now that's a great Blair. Blair Underwood. Oh, the best.

[B]

Well, this is pretty cute too. You know, cute kids and stuff. It's just like, I don't know, it's like, do I need a notification every time another cookie comes out of the take cookie factory? No, they're popping out cookies all the time. It's not news. Like, we know whenever. When she said I might be pregnant, I said, you are. What else is going on? Who is Galena going to beat up today? That's all I care about, okay?

[A]

The show is just dreadful. Let's be honest. It's dreadful. It's a terrible, terrible, boring show. And you could have made an argument. You could have made an argument last year. Like, no, Ben. Like, that's hilarious. Like Galina, Galena's attacking chickens. Look and glean it this. And look at what Masha did. And oh my God, look, the Glita drove off the side of the road. Like you could make an argument that there's some actually, like fabulous campy things that I'm just being too close minded to appreciate. But you honestly, you cannot tell me something's happening on this season. Do you realize this entire season has been about packaging beef fat and now it's about harvesting tiny cows? Like, in some ways I would like that. But this show, it's just, it's just a show about stale air and I'm done with it.

[B]

Yeah, well, and now tiny, tiny cows, like you said, little, tiny puppy mill. They're going to have like a puppy, a McBee puppy mill, but with tiny little fluffy cows. And I don't trust them. Who trusts them? Don't we have enough problems with like puppy mills and illegal breeding and stuff like that without the McBees getting into it? Do you really want a baby fluffy cow? It's probably going to have a limp and then it's going to get repossessed. You all know it is. Stop it. If you guys are even on this website looking at these stupid tiny cows, stop it. Because they're probably hunting them. They're probably breeding them for hunting anyway. They're going to be like, buy these tiny cows and then make them run. That's what they do. Just get drunk and run after him with guns and shit. I don't know. I don't trust this family.

[A]

These idiots. They. They'll probably, they'll probably accidentally swap Tate and the cow at birth. And then Casey and Cole are going to raise a little Highland cow and

[F]

they're like, well, you know, tastes just a little hairy. But we love her anyway.

[A]

It's like it's a cow. You swapped your baby at birth. Don't you realize?

[B]

I'll just never know. The baby comes out. They've just put a tallow sticker on its head and put it on the conveyor belt. They've got a bottle in a baby cow's mouth.

[A]

We're concerned because Tate hasn't talked yet because it's a cow. You have a cow, there's a baby in the corner.

[B]

It would have as much charisma and energy as half of this cast. At least. It is shocking that they put some of these people on tv. It's literally Casey, like, staring kind of zoned out at the camera like, well,

[C]

oh, I might have a secret. I might be having another baby.

[B]

Are the cameramen even there? Someone needs to snap their fingers in front of her face or Get a clacker or something. You know, like, scene, clack.

[A]

We're on just a wooden spoon just to make sure she's awake in there. Hello.

[B]

I wonder how many hours they have of just Casey staring at a screen while we hear.

[A]

How many times has Casey poured fish food on her computer in order to feed her screensaver? I mean, like,

[B]

how many times has Cole tried to, like, shoot spear one of the fish, you know, on the screen?

[F]

We're eating good tonight.

[A]

Can we, by the way, can we bring those screensavers back? As much as I love an abstract, like, swirly thing, I miss the days of. Of. Of fish. I want us. I want a fish screensaver, and I want flying toasters again. Okay? And if you don't know, if you don't understand the reference, that means you're very young. But for those of us is really classic. Flying toasters was great.

[B]

Yeah, but don't we still have fish? I want to look now at screensavers, but I'm afraid of lifting my computer out while we're doing this. But I feel like there are fish. The apple. You know, I use an Apple computer. And so the stupid choice is they're like, we have a 90,000 gigabyte picture, and it's gorgeous. And we took it in the middle of India at exactly 5:01am at the.

[C]

Perfect.

[B]

And it's gorgeous and everything, but I really. Yeah, I would rather a fish swimming.

[A]

Yeah, I'm looking right now. My options are I've got landscape, so I can look. Right now I have Tahoe day. And it's basically. It is like just the default, and it's. It's. Well, I can't tell because it's. You know, what they do now is they now have your wallpaper become your screensaver. Because, like, your wallpaper is just like a landscape that sudden moves and then when it goes into screen server mode, it just. Just becomes that fully. And so there's like Sequoia Sunrise or Goa beaches. That's the. That's the India one for you. Tea gardens from above California's Tumblr range. Redwoods from above Grand Canyon River Valley. Look, Los Angeles overpass.

[F]

Where the are the fish?

[A]

I want fish, and I don't want real fish. Okay. They actually do have. There's a dolphin pot. There's jellies. That's fine.

[C]

I want.

[A]

I want cartoon fish. I want it to look like a fish tank. I don't want to have video footage of scuba divers.

[B]

Yeah, well, you know, the important thing is to have goals and in the case of this family, they do.

[C]

We are going to save this family with miniature fluffy cows.

[B]

I mean, I've been working on it for years. I've been working on it for years.

[C]

I came up with this idea years ago. And we're going to do it. We're going to save this farm.

[B]

Every week you're going to save the farm with some new bullshit thing. And now, true. You're not only bring lot, you know, other live things into it. I don't know why, it disgusts me. I mean, it's a farm. Of course they have cows and stuff.

[C]

I get it.

[B]

But like dabbling in the miniatures and then saying we're gonna inseminate all our other cows with these embryos. I don't know, like we're. There should be some choice in this. And I know cows can't talk, but at some point they need to unionize or something because this is,

[A]

at this point, I can't tell if we're talking about cattle insemination or Bravo programming because honestly, we need some better choices. We need to, we need to have a say in this. Take this show off the air. I think that, like, I think what's frustrating is that we have to sit through like another season of them complaining

[D]

that, like, Daddy's farm's gonna go away. We're gonna lose Daddy's farm. What's gonna happen? We're gonna have to lose the car wash soon. We lost hq. We can't have any more Christmas dinners

[F]

every single week anymore over in HQ anymore. This was Daddy's dream to have an hq.

[A]

It's like, oh, no, the farm. The farm is dying.

[F]

Oh, no.

[A]

And it's like, okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to sell miniature cows and that's going to save our massive multimillion dollar enterprise that we have going here. It's like, why are you wasting our time with this? Why? The cows are cute, but also, like, I think, you know, you're talking about, like, it's. You're sort of suggesting there's like a lot of cruelty on display. You know, like inseminating cows, doing embryo transfers. No, the cruelty is that these little baby cows are going to sit there and get their, their hair blown out by Ally and Casey. Okay, that's just not right.

[B]

Well, that's part of it, too. But I mean, you're. You're putting all these cows who didn't ask for it, you're just inseminating them with these toys that you want to sell? Start inseminating yourselves. You guys carry them. If it's so important to you, can

[A]

you inseminate yourselves with brain cells? Is that possible? That would help. Let's get into some.

[B]

That's for sure.

[A]

I know.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Between the lead plate and this show, I've lost a lot of brain cells.

[B]

MCV Dynasty Season 3 Episode 9 Banks Babies in Bed Blood so we started Jesse and Ali's big city home and.

[A]

Wait, did you hear that? Is the sound of the subway going by? Okay, continue.

[B]

You just hear. It's like a Jetson's car.

[A]

I don't know what it is. Like, Kansas City is a legitimate city. I'm not saying it's not. There's just something about the way they keep saying, I'm going to the city house that, like, you just would think that it's like the opening credits of the Nanny or something like that. Like, it's just like, another generic house. It looks just the same as the house that's up at the farm.

[B]

Well, you know, I mean, it started because she was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens, and then her boyfriend kicked her out. One of those crushing scenes. What was she to do? What was she to say? Out on her fanny,

[A]

Queens, Flushing, Queens

[B]

from Flushing to the Sheffield's door. Damn it. I don't remember that whole thing.

[A]

It's a shame they never did a nanny Mr. Belvedere crossover. You know, Flushing, Queens is also how one would describe how Cole treated people and in high school, because, you know, he was taking some gay kids and putting their heads in toilets.

[B]

So Jesse, now's big city home, Casey, Tegan, and Ally talking about their Vegas trip.

[C]

Like, wow.

[B]

Remember the shotgun wedding? I was like, that's. That could be a literal term on this show.

[A]

I know.

[E]

The shotgun. Finally. I finally pulled the trigger.

[A]

It's literally like they actually will walk two shotguns down an aisle and marry them together.

[F]

Well, I always knew this shotgun. I was the first time this shotgun met that shotgun. I knew they would always be together forever.

[E]

We inseminated this tiny shotgun. We inseminated this big mama shotgun with a tiny shotgun. Now we're gonna breed shotguns.

[D]

Now here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna grind up the shotgun, put in a jar, and call it shotgun tallow. Okay, Go sell it.

[C]

Now.

[B]

They haven't talked to Christy much. What is Christy gonna think when she finds out you had a surprise wedding? It didn't invite Christy.

[F]

What are you gonna.

[C]

What is gonna happen? Who's gonna tell Christy? And Casey's like, I'm not telling her nothing. I told my parents already. He's gonna have to do that with his own mom.

[A]

Yeah. So.

[B]

Hey, but she's your mom now too.

[A]

Yeah, she's your mom. Please don't make this the thing we have to wait all episode for. So then Christy comes over. She comes over and Summer, they've like, arranged this, like, zoo enclosure for Summer, which I was impressed by, actually. I'm not going to make fun of it. I was impressed. They had like a giant set of fences that somehow, like enclosed, like an ottoman and a coffee table. And Ally herself and Summer, they were just in this enormous pen.

[B]

And happens when you live in a barn.

[A]

I.

[B]

They live in a literal barn. They, you know, like a barn dominium type thing. A barn dimant. What do you call that thing? It's huge, but yeah, it's like a city block enclosed. So the baby can't just crawl off to the meat grinder or wherever, you know.

[A]

Well, don't forget they were in the big city, so they had to make sure it didn't crawl off and get mugged.

[B]

So public education.

[A]

We don't want that baby to escape and wander into an obon pan.

[B]

God forbid that baby escape and hit up a library or something.

[F]

Don't fall into a manhole.

[A]

So life in the big city. Well, we'll be in Kansas City soon enough, I'm sure.

[B]

So they are nervous about Christy and guess who's here.

[C]

Hi, guys.

[B]

It's me, Christy, with a latte taller than anyone in the room. She's just like a latte on a dolly.

[A]

It has a joystick. And you put quarters into the latte and you play Pac Man. It's enormous. So she comes in and she's like, hi, guys.

[D]

How's everything going? She's like, so, like, how's your trip? Was it fun?

[A]

And then we see a montage of all the debauchery. And then we just. Now we see three days earlier, Jesse just being a bad drunk on their first night and Ally sending her race. That whole thing, that whole thing with their.

[B]

Yeah, they're 10 days.

[C]

I think we had a good time. The. The first time in the bed with it without a baby between us, you can imagine what would happen. We. We both had on three pea suits and turtlenecks. It was really, really sexy. It's like, well, how's the bachelorette party, y'? All?

[B]

And Casey's like, I just don't know

[C]

what to say because That's Cole's mom. And I just don't know what. How I'm gonna tell her.

[B]

And so she just kind of stares off into space and shiftily looks around the room. And then everybody just stays really quiet. I mean, you don't have to make Kristi feel like shit, you know, Christy's like, did I fart?

[C]

Why is everybody treating me like this? Do I have something on my face? Did somebody tell you guys I might be voting Democrat?

[B]

Why is everybody looking at me like this?

[A]

She is one of the most passive people on Broad. Bravo. Like, you just see this as someone who just wants to know things or be informed about things. But I think she always is, like, well, my feelings don't matter as long as the children are happy. Which I guess you could say that's a good parent. But, like, I just feel like she's just, you know, a boys will be boys kind of mom. And these are not boys, per se. But, like, they're clearly hiding something from her. And she's like, okay, well, I guess they don't want to tell me something, as usual.

[B]

Not in my family. This just would never fly in my family. It's like, what aren't you saying? I just took care of your baby for how long? And you're not going to tell me what you're. Go ahead, tell me what you're saying. Just. Okay, hand me that. Hand me that knife. Hand me that baby. I will kill this baby. Tell me. Tell me right now.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. So Chrissy's like, well, grandma needs to get going.

[F]

I'm glad you guys had fun in Vegas.

[D]

I feel like there's probably a lot left out, but I'm good with that. Okay.

[A]

Glad I drove all the way down from the farm to come here and for you guys to not tell me anything. That was really fun. Okay. Enjoy the. Enjoy the 64 gallons of latte I brought you by.

[B]

Yeah, no kidding. Enjoy all the food and all the support I give you while you just sit there and not talk to me.

[C]

Thanks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And Tegan's like, I was scared someone

[F]

was gonna slip about the wedding. Oh, no.

[C]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

[B]

And then we go to Jesse and Steven, who are driving a trailer, and Stephen Jr. Is like, wow, these mini

[C]

Highlands, they're gonna take off for us. If you had your own. If you had your own herd and you sold 10 to 15 calves out of a year, out of that little pasture with 10 to 15 calves, you're

[B]

doing the same profit that you're doing

[C]

with all that tree work. 2 to 300 jobs. Just think about that. Just think about that. Would you rather be doing trees or would you rather be doing cows?

[A]

Yep, he's. He's on to something. So, America, if you're looking to have a small cow roaming around your house, Stephen. Just reach out to Stephen McBee. He is the visionary who sees the next cow big animal trend in America.

[B]

Yeah, he's really big into trends like the beef tallow, the miniature cows. He was really late. They could have had McBee dynasty like Fidget spinners.

[A]

Yeah, well, next. Maybe next season he'll start breeding strange shaped raccoons.

[D]

He's like, you thought jimothy was cute. Wait to see the McBee Jimothies.

[B]

Here's what we're gonna do.

[C]

We're gonna take the legs and the arms and the head of a raccoon and cut out the middle part and just start breeding that. Okay? We're gonna breed them inside of coal. Coal is gonna carry them to term. We are gonna make 18,000 more times than we would make in gardening projects.

[D]

I'm going to cowboy Christmas and I'm bringing raccoon tallow. We're gonna set it aflame.

[C]

There's a new market. It is raccoon tallow from miniature highlands. Because miniature highlands can get dry in the face. You have never seen a more gorgeous miniature island than when it has raccoon tallow on his face.

[A]

So, yeah, Stephen Jr. And Jesse are going to get some mini highland cows from a local breeder because they're the cutest things you'd ever see. And they are, in fact, very cute. And we just see them feeding them and they keep poking their head through the, through the gates, which I'm like, enjoy that in your house. Ahead, that's trying to poke at things all the time. A big cow head. Because us, by the way, a small, A miniature cow is still very big, I have to say. So he tells us

[C]

how they poop.

[B]

You know, do you potty train a cow? I mean, I had a pig, as I've told you, and those, those are potty trainable. Very quickly. They're really smart. Are cows the same? Do you have the cow in your house? Does the cow just get up on your couch? Do I want one of these cows? Of course I do. Like, I'm sitting here bitching about injustice of even breeding these things in the first place. But of course, the second I saw one, I was like,

[F]

God, I want one.

[C]

I want One.

[A]

They're cute, but you have to like literally live on a farm to have one. So he's like, mini island cows have

[D]

become this trending pet.

[C]

The, the.

[D]

The trending pet or animal to have these things sell for premium, 10 to 15 times what a normal Angus cap sells for. Even if you don't have a big farm, if you have less than one acre on your backyard, you can have a mini island. They're great for anyone. If you have a fam. You feeling tired? Feeling sad? Get a mini island. You have someone that you love in your life now. Get a mini island. Do you want to congratulate that special someone for graduating from the school that they just were in? Get a mini island. Mini island. Big, small, small. Now you can have a mini island of your own. Okay? So have a big experience with a mini island called McBee mini islands.

[C]

Yeah, it's a big gamble, and I'm gonna have six figures put into these embryos with all the time effort, actual embryo costs, having the vets out. I mean, there's a lot at stake here. No pun intended.

[A]

I was about to say

[B]

so. Your family's broke. You're gonna lose everything. You've just sold everything off, and now you're gonna start breeding cows in Jesse's backyard. I can't. How is this even legal? So we see on the screen 20,000 per Highland cow and 1300 per Angus cow. Guys, that's. It's a no brainer.

[A]

I'm just double checking. How much is a mini highland cow? Let's see, we're seeing, I guess online it, it costs, I don't know if it costs as much as $20,000. Between 2 and $10,000. And so it says, if you're looking for a quick number, this is From Katie Van Slyke.net so I don't know if Katie Van Slyke, she seems to have a lot of numbers. She seems to have a lot of authority on this subject. She says if you're looking for a quick number, most mini Highland cows cost between 2 and $10,000. So already he. Already he's. He's lying to us. Although she does have a stat that says if you want to get a micro mini Highland, it's 5 to 15,000. So these are the most

[C]

micro mini cow. Now it's interesting because I love a micro mini cow, but if I am seeing a woman with the micro mini, I will call her a slut and I will not marry her. Do you understand me?

[B]

Oh, sorry.

[D]

Do you want a micro mini island? That's gonna sit patiently while you journal from 4 to 6am every day. Then call McBee Family Farms.

[C]

These are not just any micro minis. These are micro minis that will journal with you and talk to you about memberships.

[D]

And remember, you do have the right to send that micro mini to the private school of your choice.

[C]

We will guarantee that these micro minis will not be above 5 foot 8 and will have nothing but blonde hair.

[D]

And don't forget, before you journal from 4 to 6am you will also be journaling with your micro mini from 10pm to midnight. That's right. Two back to back journaling sessions with a sleep in between.

[B]

Oh, I can't wait for the first rage text to a micro mini.

[C]

Who the hell do you think you are? Your hair is too dark. And I do not appreciate you hanging out with that other micro mini.

[A]

Okay, so they go. They check out these. These very, very adorable miniature Highland cows. And their hair is all looking very nice. And. And in fact, they do. They do say that. That like, you know, Steven says they

[D]

have such pretty coats. Do you blow dry their hair?

[A]

And they're like, yeah, we actually do. And he's like, man, all right, well,

[D]

that's something that, you know, alien and Casey can do.

[A]

Which first of all is so insulting to be like, okay, your ladies, your job is to give blowouts to cows. No. And also, like, I don't trust their blowouts. I'm sorry, I'm like, not trusting Casey with. With a blowout. Yeah, those. Those cows are gonna come out of there. We're just wearing big sweatshirts.

[B]

Yeah. And one of the ladies like, well, you can go in there, but they're gonna lick you to death. Gals who don't want to be covering cowlicks, they are taking over the world. So Stephen's telling us we're gonna use

[C]

embryo transfers from Webb cat own mama cows. And that's gonna. It's. This just.

[B]

It just sounds like Handmaid's Tale to me. It's like mini Highland Handmaid's Tale.

[A]

And I. Handmaid's tail.

[B]

Yeah. I don't like micro mini Handmaid's Tail. I don't like it.

[A]

I. I just think. I'm not opposed the idea of people breeding miniature highlands. I just think the idea that these tiny cows are going to be the thing that saves this big farm is ludicrous. I mean, if it was like a tiny farm, like you're. It was like we have a little hobby farm that like we. We make goat milk out of and like, some skin products, like the. Like the Beekman Brothers or whatever in upstate New York. They have, like. Like a little cute thing that sells goods to, like, Brooklyn. Fine, but like a proper agricultural farm in the Midwest that's like, has millions of dollars of debt and be like, aha, it's gonna be miniature cattle. And then this is the same guy who now wants to muscle in on Casey's actually promising tallow business. Come on.

[B]

Yeah. So they take some of these little cows and shove them in the car

[C]

and they're gonna invest because Daddy ain't here to say no now. And this could change everything.

[B]

Like, wow, man. Daddy's gone, and the first thing you do is go buy a bunch of micro mini cow toys and then propose to them.

[D]

Will you marry me? I hate being the oldest one. Doesn't have a wife.

[B]

It's like, yeah, look, there's a job

[C]

for Casey and Allie and Blair and Summer whenever they get older. And we get everyone working on the farm, and it's going to be so good. Whole family. You in? Jesse, you.

[B]

And he's like, I got him in his fur to keep.

[A]

He's already predestined Blair to blow out Minnie Highlands for the rest of her life. Like, this is her job. This is her job.

[B]

Wants something else in her life, you know? Have you ever considered what maybe Blair wants?

[A]

For sake, please let be a lesbian who goes off into corporate America. That's just all I want for her, just to leave this world behind.

[B]

I just want Blair to come home one Christmas and be like, guys, I'm adding a syllable to my name and

[C]

there's nothing you can do about it. Oh, my God.

[E]

How am I supposed to spell her name?

[F]

What's her.

[A]

What's her. She's like, I'm adding a syllable. It's an N. I've added an N. Blair. Like, it's still one.

[F]

So bloody.

[D]

Damn it.

[A]

It's the curse of being Cole's daughter.

[B]

So, Ali, we see clips of Vegas again, and Stephen's really worried about Ally.

[C]

He's like, yeah, I was talking with Ally earlier, and I don't know, I'm struggling.

[B]

And we see clips in Vegas, like I said, of them talking about their arguments over Steven's inability to have a direct conversation with Casey. That whole situation is so bizarre. And how did they just completely swipe over that situation? Why wasn't there a conversation with other Ally saying, ally, why were you saying this relationship was inappropriate?

[C]

Well, they were hanging out a lot. It was kind of weird.

[B]

You guys can't drop something like that and then not follow up.

[A]

Yeah, that's why I'm. That's what I'm saying. Like, this is why this show drives me nuts. It's that it's like. It's like a poorly made show. It's. It's like. It's like they just decided to give the interns a TV show to create.

[C]

So Ali's like, well, you know, now she wants to take a step back for me, so she's going to Texas. So I'm moving to Texas, you stalker.

[A]

That's not taking. When she takes us, you guys are not dancing, okay? When she takes a step back, you don't take a step forward, okay?

[B]

That means separate away slowly. Like, probably with a knife in her hand. Leave her alone.

[A]

But also, like, how ridiculous this is that. I mean, if we're supposed to take it on face value, Very wide, chinny face value. The truth is that, like the. The farm is like falling apart. And you're foisting this brand new cow endeavor on it, selling miniature cows, but then you're also just gonna skip town for a girl that you met like two months ago. It doesn't. None of it makes sense. I mean, it's either that this was like a storyline that they decided to put forward to make this show seem somewhat dramatic, or it's like you're just the worst possible administrator for this farm, which is probably the latter.

[B]

Well, Steven's never. I mean, ever since the beginning, they've always said steven's never there, you know, so he's only really there to film and then pretend like he's in charge of everything. From what I'm getting from this show, everything they say on the show, especially Cole. Cole's always like.

[E]

And then he comes in here, he wants to boss me around, but maybe you know me around because I'm the one, right? So he's here, and I'll do all the work. You ever heard of soybeans?

[A]

So now, 5pm yesterday, we see Stephen talking about his relationship with Christy, and

[D]

he's like, sometimes slowing down. Feels like she's like. Like you're ending it. He's like, yeah, it feels weird.

[F]

I know.

[A]

I get those emotions every time I get to the bottom third of my latte.

[F]

It's like, oh, you get me, mama.

[B]

Let's see.

[A]

So Steven's like.

[C]

He's like, this is crazy. You know, I dreamt this. I dreamt of a relationship. And we're doing a complete 180. We went from getting married Within a couple of months now she's moving back to Texas, moving in with her sister. It always hits me a little harder that I'm the oldest son and. And get to start a family. This is not the place I want to be at this point in my relationship.

[B]

That's not how it works. You don't just say, I'm ready now, and then come up with a template that you want and then just punch a card and then that. It's not an order. It's not a mini Highland Cow.

[A]

Yeah, it's not. So Jesse is like, is Allie really set on living in Texas? Because I don't know exactly how that would work.

[D]

He's like, well, there'd be a lot to figure out.

[A]

It's like, well, I don't. I don't know if that's something that you guys will just have to test it and see if it's going to work at all. Yeah, Jesse, that's literally what's happening right now.

[B]

It's like, well, that's how it works.

[D]

It's gonna be what we have to do. Because I can tell you I did not plan on going backwards. You are the most pessimistic person without going forwards. I'm a little old to be going backwards. Okay, I'll go sideways, sure, but not backwards. I don't go backwards. Guess what? If I have to back out of a parking spot, guess what I do. I go forwards. I drive right through that traffic media until I get to the right side of the road. That's just the way I do. I don't go backwards.

[B]

Casey and Cole's home. She's decorating the home for Blair's birthday. And everyone starts coming, and they're coming.

[C]

Blair's birthday. It's like, it's Blair's first birthday, and I feel like that was the fastest year of my life because it's also Cole's birthday.

[B]

But, sorry, Cole.

[C]

Case, this birthday is going to be about Blair. And then so is the next one. And then so is the next one. And then so is the next one, and then so is an o' clock scene. Jesus.

[A]

She's right when she said it was the fastest year ever. It's because it took her that long to finish her sentence. What? A year already went by, so she's stressed. I'm a little stressed to see everybody today because no one knows that we got married. And Ali's like, so you're telling Chrissy today, right?

[D]

How are you gonna do it?

[A]

It's like, it's Cole's choice. I told him I think she'll be shocked, but I think she'll be happy. And I think he'll be able to say, you got. Blair's seamless name is, like, really cute.

[D]

Like, isn't that cute?

[B]

Like, yeah, it's great. It's a great time to take the McBee name. Casey. Great timing. Yeah, it's a big one. Because it's like, you know, Christy doesn't

[C]

know that we're married. It's Blair's birthday at the same time as Cole's birthday, and, oh, I might be pregnant again.

[A]

So she's like, I think I need to take another test. And Ali's like, wait, how late were you last time? I don't know. A few days. But I'm five days late. Oh, no. So they go into the bathroom, and then she pees on the thing, and she's like, I can't look at it. Will you look at it, Ally? Here, hold this stick that has my pee pee on it. Okay, tell me, what is it?

[C]

But I think we have to wait a couple minutes.

[B]

Yes, Allie, Other person who's had a baby. That's how that works. So they sit in there and wait,

[C]

and Casey's like, this is gonna be hard. Two babies at one time. I think it's been a couple minutes now. Should I look at it? But what if we have a baby? Then we're gonna have two babies. I got it. Let me look at the stick yet. Yeah, but more than one baby's two babies. Unless it's three babies. What if we have 10 babies at one time? Oh, God, you're pregnant. You're pregnant.

[A]

What happens if Cole meets a magic frog and touches it and turns him back into a baby? Then I got another baby. What then?

[B]

Wait a minute. I'm not sure.

[C]

Is it supposed to be one stick

[B]

or two sticks for pregnancy?

[C]

What does this mean?

[B]

It looks like it's just a big hole in a tree trunk.

[C]

Oh, that means it's Cole's baby.

[A]

But it should be a small hole in the tree trunk. Oh, yeah, you're right. So she's pregnant.

[C]

Artistic representation.

[A]

She's pregnant. She's pregnant. Another McBee enters this world, and little baby future baby Tate is now brewing inside of there. And they're like, oh, my God, this is crazy. And guess who walks in the front door? It's Christy. So Christy comes in, and they're like, what are we gonna do? I just found out I'm pregnant. And on top of that, she doesn't even know I'M married. And on top of that, she doesn't even know. I accidentally erased all her Touched by an Angels that she had saved up on her dvr.

[F]

What do I do?

[B]

If this family really wanted to make money, they would open a balloon factory because all. Did you see how many balloons were in this place for this birthday party? Listen, I get balloons, but why is everything this family does? Everything this family does is so problematic? Like, do you need that many balloons? And you know, they're just going to release them up into the air and then dead birds are going to start falling from the sky.

[E]

They're going to be like, wow, that's good luck. It's good luck. Blair, look how many birds fell from the sky on your birthday. Hey, your mama might be pregnant. I'm gonna do rabbit tests.

[F]

If a Canadian goose falls from the sky because it's asphyxiated on a balloon, that's a good sign for your baby.

[E]

Yeah, that's what we call liberal geese.

[F]

Hey, what's that? Stick with the equality sign on it. That's a pregnancy test.

[A]

Two lines.

[F]

Oh, never mind.

[E]

Well, either way, get it out of my house.

[B]

So everybody comes. They're all telling Blair Happy birthday. Even Galena's there. And Allie and Casey are walking into conversation. Christie's having, asking about the trip and Allie. And Allie's running late, guys.

[C]

But she's coming. Do not worry about Alex. She's gonna be here.

[B]

And Casey, you know, doesn't know how they're all going to do this. I don't know. It's like this. This shows, like, literally paint drying. So a lot of people just keep coming in.

[E]

And Cole's like, I can't believe my baby girl's already 1 years old. Just seems like yesterday she was less than 1 years old.

[F]

It just seems like I gotta.

[A]

I. I remember just last year hiring the helicopter and getting some AK47s and shooting big little pellets out of them for the gender reveal.

[F]

God, time flies.

[B]

So Ally comes and it's like, oh, my God.

[F]

Hi, everybody. Is this your grandma? What a gorgeous creature.

[B]

Am I right, everybody?

[F]

It's so good.

[B]

I would take a picture of you, but that's like, content. You'll have to pay for that. So back the up, memaw.

[F]

Okay?

[A]

I have a finance degree. So Steven is. Yeah. He introduces Ally to his grandma Sherry, and Sherry's like, oh, wow. Yeah, I've actually seen you on your social media pages. Wow. And this is Gary.

[D]

Yeah, well, this one right here is a keeper. As in, I'M gonna keep her. She's mine. Don't go anywhere else. You don't get to go to Texas. You're mine. Put you in a cage. Okay, but she's a real keeper.

[C]

I'm not even gonna call her a keeper. That's just too old fashioned. I'm gonna call it a trapper. This one's a trapper.

[A]

You know, everyone's talking about, like, Stephen and I getting married and, like, what our plans are, and I'm still wondering, like, what's Steven's favorite color? I mean, I also want to slow down and be realistic. And the fact that we've only known each other for a couple of months, and I don't know what's next, but as far as I can tell, this is the season finale coming up. So then I get to go back to my normal life. Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna dump him yet, but the cameras are almost down, so we're getting pretty close. And by the way, you know his favorite col blonde? Duh. Do you even watch this show? Seriously?

[A]

Seriously.

[B]

So now Christie announces that Blair is going to open up her presence, and

[E]

Cole's like, oh, my God, can't even have fun. Because we know that we didn't tell mama nothing about getting married. When mama knows we're gonna get married, we're gonna bring player's birthday.

[F]

So you know what we're gonna do?

[A]

There's a good chance that mama might get upset because this could have been, like, a very important time for her and she was excluded from it, and she could be, like, you know, feel like embarrassed and humiliated, may have some sort of reaction. So we're just gonna tell in front

[F]

of all these people? Okay, so guess what? Guess what?

[A]

So Casey and I wanted to tell you something special for Blair's birthday. And we decided that Casey would have the same last name as Blair. So while we were in Vegas, we got married on Thursday night.

[F]

Oh, are you lying? You.

[A]

You gonna take that from your mother?

[E]

You wouldn't take that from your mother, would you?

[A]

Hold it back.

[F]

Hold me back. Hold me back. Some say love it is an angel. Oh, God. I can't believe they do this.

[E]

You know, I want to sang one of my greats to your wedding ymca. Won't you come into the ymca?

[C]

Hey, hey.

[F]

Don't blame it on the. Don't blame it on the moonlight don't blame it on the sunshine don't blame it on the good times Blame it on the boy. Why would you do this to Your mother.

[E]

I like pin your coladas and getting out in the rain.

[F]

There is a time when the world must come together. Well, sorry.

[A]

Sometimes I get swept up in emotion.

[F]

Just wanna.

[A]

Wanna remind everyone about we are the World.

[E]

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

[F]

Hey, this is crazy. And I just met you, but here's my mini Holland cow.

[D]

Call me maybe.

[E]

I got my driver's license.

[A]

I don't even know what that one is.

[B]

Yeah, they announced that they are married. And it looks. It's right before commercial, so it looks like Christy is pissed. But Christie always has a really pissed off look. And then she gets that teeth smile,

[C]

so she's like, oh, why are y' all serious? Oh, my gosh, I'm so happy that.

[B]

Yeah, it looks like Chrissy's gonna be pissed, but it turns out she's fine. And, hey, Blair also got her other gift. It's gonna train her for life. A little mini blow dryer. It's really a sweet scene.

[A]

It's the prophecy. It's the prophecy. A song of blow drying and ice.

[B]

The song of license fire.

[F]

You are the prince that was meant to be.

[A]

So, Christy. Yeah, she does. She does smile like she's about to go sell some popcorn on tv. And then, you know, she's like, wow, they got married.

[D]

I don't know what's gonna happen next. I realized I've lost control of my family.

[A]

They didn't even tell me.

[D]

Oh, wow. I'm smiling through the pain. Smile to the pain.

[F]

Would it been nice if I could have been included in this and see

[D]

my son get married?

[F]

It would have been a very special

[D]

time for his mother. Yes, but boys will be boys, so they got to. Do I have to be okay with

[F]

anything that they do? Okay, great.

[C]

I mean, even Stephen didn't tell me, and he usually can't keep a secret from me. So this is great. I think I'm losing control of my whole family. I love it. It feels great. It feels. I'm just so happy for you. Oh, my God. Let me see the pictures. You're on a wedding dress. Wow, Cole, she got a wedding dress. So this was planned. So she planned a wedding with the wedding dress. This is so.

[F]

I'm so happy for you.

[B]

It's like blood coming out of her eyes.

[A]

She's like.

[D]

Well, at least.

[F]

At least you guys got a nice ring.

[D]

Oh, turquoise. That's great. So happy.

[F]

I'm so glad you got a turquoise wedding ring.

[E]

Got it at the cowboy Christmas.

[D]

Oh, okay. Well, I'll just put back. I'LL just put back this heirloom I was gonna give to you on your wedding day. I'll save this for, I guess, Braden. You're gonna get married, right? Okay.

[C]

Well, this is gonna be great. You know what? They're gonna have a wedding when Steve gets out. I'm so happy.

[B]

And Galina comes up to her, and she's like, no, we have to plan reception, Right? We are going to have reception. I will be in charge of no Masha reception.

[A]

Yeah. And at some point in the middle of this situation, someone pulls Christy aside and was like, don't worry. Galena was not at the wedding. Because last week, we were like, this is so rude. Galena's there. She's in Vegas. They don't even invite her to the wedding. But I know in retrospect, I'm like, oh, yeah, that would be kind of up if Galena got to go to the wedding and Christy didn't, so.

[B]

Yeah, Christy would have been pissed. That's true.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So she's like, yeah, you know, Casey's already my daughter, and watching her just be such a good mama to Blair, it's just made me love her even more. I can't wait to give her more free babysitting while she, completely ignorant, ignores me and doesn't tell me what's happening in my son's life.

[A]

Yeah, well, I'm. I'm so glad that I gracefully stepped aside as for running their company at their wishes, for them to repay me by not inviting me to their wedding.

[D]

That's so great. That's great.

[C]

Feels good. Feels so good.

[B]

So Tess is like, well, I'm just

[E]

so proud of taking care of y'. All.

[F]

Help me all these years. It's been a privilege. It has been a privilege. I've been with the McBee family for a long, long time. Kohler Bean still may not sit on his. On his daddy's lap when I came to the farm. So to be here in this moment, you know, watching the kids grow up and still want me to share these special, important moments with them, it means everything to me.

[D]

I will. Harper.

[B]

Sorry. A big gulp of water.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Poor Tessa. She's a blind everybody every time remember me.

[E]

I've been taking care of you since

[F]

you were a little boy. So

[B]

thanks for not biting me as well, huh?

[A]

Yeah. I'm glad they invited Tessa to this, because she's been. They, like, where they took her away from the dribble door, and they put her off in wherever, like, oh, they control the gas.

[B]

The gas. Remember, she was Filling up the gas on the trucks.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Well, I guess I'll be the office manager now.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Do I miss filling up trucks with gas? I sure do. But you know what? I'll just do whatever these boys need me to do. Want me to get my hand off of the gas lever? Then I'll go do it. Because I just love these boys more than I love my life. I miss you guys.

[A]

She loved filling gas up in those combines. I think she really did because. Because she would just sit there in the garage and. And the guys would just come on

[F]

by, like, well, Tessa, we need someone to fill up the gas. Don't worry about that.

[D]

I got you ready.

[F]

Watch out for the triple door. And then she, like, Howard, those adorable little kids, you tell. You show me pictures of them. Little k. Come to me right now. You come to me right now.

[A]

I do. I do really like Tessa a lot. I do, too.

[B]

She's so sweet. She's just stuck in a office now talking to staplers. There's nobody in there. Some big empty warehouse, you know, that's

[F]

her heart farm fulfillment facility. It's great. Well, what a wonderful family this is,

[A]

says Tessa, and no one else. And so Casey is just like. Like, whatever. She's walking around, and Christy is like, wow.

[D]

I have to say. Casey McBee. Casey McBee. Casey Mcbee. Wow. This is crazy. Here comes one right now.

[A]

Cole and Casey are in the bathroom because she's got something else to say. And Nicole has an observation.

[F]

He goes, this ring is kind of

[A]

sticky for my son. I gotta take it off and wash it.

[B]

It's sticky for me.

[A]

How are you eating your cake?

[F]

Just cold.

[A]

Plunging his hand into the cake, I

[E]

think, yeah, I gotta take it off, wash it.

[B]

So Casey's like, well, you know, I'm stressed.

[C]

How's Cole gonna react?

[B]

I mean, it's Cole. It's the same way he reacts to anything.

[E]

He's gonna go, wow. What? No. Huh? Wow.

[B]

So she gives him a little present, and that's what he does. There's a little wrapped thing in there.

[E]

He's like, wait a minute. No. Wow. Huh? What? No way. I mean, I'm happy and everything, but, gosh, we already weren't getting sleep or not then.

[B]

Well, it's not like Jesus just, like, implanted this into you like you're about to do with cows.

[A]

Have you ever watched your own show? Because that would really help you get more sleep.

[B]

So Cole's like, do a peacock binge of this. You'll be out like a light.

[F]

Oh, I got Some ice and on. On the pregnancy test. Does that ruin it? Does that mean we're not having a baby anymore?

[E]

No, you're pregnant with the store bought cake.

[F]

Wait a second, wait a second. It says the results of your pregnancy test say Duncan Hines. What does that mean? Looks delicious. So.

[B]

Oh gosh. So they're pregnant.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Super exciting. And this was a good half hour of my life. Just this pregnancy stick park part. So then we go, Stephen Juniors and

[C]

Alice packing the carry on.

[B]

And it's very sad because Ally's leaving guys and Steven's like, yeah, for me,

[C]

long distance is the kids of death in relationships.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think training orders. Long distance relationships.

[A]

Yeah, those. Yeah. Restraining orders. Yeah. Screaming at your girlfriend and her family. Also usually a kiss of death. Yeah. So they, they get in this car and Ali says this whole situation is like really tough for me because I love Stephen and I care about him deeply. We've just had like a whirlwind of a few months and I just need a second to digest it all because like, if cameras aren't rolling, do we even have a relationship?

[F]

I don't know.

[A]

Gotta go back to Texas. So then he's like, are you even sad? She's like, yeah, I just. I didn't even get to say goodbye. The chickens.

[D]

He's like, well, yeah, you didn't or you didn't even get to say goodbye to Todd?

[A]

She's like, todd's the pig.

[E]

I don't know.

[A]

We see a little Todd the pig.

[B]

Todd.

[A]

Oh, Todd.

[B]

Todd's like. And so then they drive off and Todd the pig's eating an apple.

[E]

Like, later, losers.

[C]

Don't.

[B]

Don't try and implant me with one more fucking thing.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

So they're talking about how she feels going back. It's just like moving so quickly. It's like almost like survival mode. I mean, it's like worrying me about, like, I hope my move to back to Talk to us is gonna like help us slow down about and like get to know each other and just like go through that normal dating phase that you go through. You know, you're not really in the same location as somebody and you're just waiting to see if they're picked up for another season. You know, it's just like a natural progression of a relationship.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like, I don't know, like there's something about this whole situation with Ali, you know, meeting Steven on Instagram and then just like flying out to go like meet him in person and then just like staying for all this time. It's all very like, Sarah Plain and Tall. And I just feel like it's so, it's like, weird. It's weird. I'm like, very glad that she's going back to Texas.

[B]

What was the plot of Sarah Plain and Tall? Because all I remember is that it was Glenn Close in like a, like a old school, like, Mormon dress. Like, what do you call that? The super religious Mormon, like, in the prairie dresses on the poster. And I thought that's such a mean title to give Glenn Close, like Sarah Plain and Tall. Geez.

[A]

Yeah, I, I seem to remember it's about like a farmer who, like, buys a wife or something. Or like, says, hey, I'm looking for a wife. Will you be my wife?

[F]

Or something?

[A]

Something like that. But it's, it definitely, like, Stephen definitely has that old school vibe of like,

[D]

well, it's time for me to have a wife, so gotta find one. Bring them up here.

[C]

They're not.

[D]

Don't bit my wife, so.

[A]

And it feels like she was sort of, I don't, it was just a weird cosplay I felt like they were kind of doing. And I think she just sort of snapped out of it. Like, whoa, I thought I was coming up here to get laid. And he's like, oh, we're getting married. I'm going back to Texas.

[B]

No, I, I, I think I'm choosing the show. I mean, just to get laid. She wouldn't have been here for this whole shooting time and then just happened to be leaving at the end.

[E]

Yeah,

[B]

no, she's, she's a player too. But, you know, why shouldn't she be? They all are. You know, she's like, okay, I can be on a reality show. What was it, last week or the week before? There were pictures of her out to lunch with Austin Kroll from Southern Charm. So, you know, she's making those TV rounds.

[A]

Yeah, well, so good for her, bad for us. Yeah, she, she has. So he drops her off at the airport and it's awkward. They have like, weird strained conversation in the car because he's clearly upset. So they'll be like, driving quietly and she'll say things like, hi, hey.

[F]

Hi, how are you doing?

[A]

Like, just, just leave. Just drop off at the airport. Leave. Let's never turn back.

[B]

Yeah. And he's upset because he feels like he's getting dumped. And he's like, wow.

[C]

You know, it's just, I don't know, maybe I shouldn't have started off so strong and heavy. Allie has her own career. She's traveling all the time she's so in the moment, living in the present, that she forgets to call back home or talk to her family or talk to her friends. So I'm sitting here thinking, you're going to be in Texas. I'm just not going to hear from you. Is that. Is that the way it's going to go now? You're just not going to call me? Oh, really? We'll see how that turns out for you. Stagecoach sled.

[D]

You think you're just gonna go slut around, around the country to all these liberal cities while little cows are there, hair not blown out. We need you at the farm.

[B]

Yeah, but, you know, we talk about how Ali is clearly here for the show, but I think Stephen is clearly with an influencer for that as well, you know, because he loves the fame, too. So he's, you know, he met Kala on that millionaire dating show, like, Marry

[E]

a Man with the tractor and a

[B]

Million dollars or whatever that show was.

[A]

So, yeah, well, millionaire. So they. Guess what. Now it's cold and snowy on the farm, and it's time to make the embryo transfer. We've seen a lot of in vitro stuff on Bravo, but this is a new one. So they've got to do it. It's a really cold day. It's a scary day to do it because they may not take because it's so cold, but this is their window to do it. So we watch them inseminate cows, and it's exciting for everyone who is there.

[B]

Disturbing. It was so bad.

[A]

Tessa's there.

[D]

So

[B]

they're, you know, they're all there. Jesse's there, Cole's there, and Steven's like,

[C]

whose idea was this? Of course. The day we decided to do embryo transfer. And it's 2 degrees outside and 5 inches of snow on the ground. It's the coolest day of the year. Damn it. I could. Alec freezes in the cold. We could have implanted her work. Never leave. That's one way to keep Valley. We'll just start having her birth mini Highlands.

[D]

If we want the business side of mini islands becoming truly profitable, we need a hell a lot of them.

[A]

So Cole then ushers all the cows inside, And they're all like, oh, God, we're going inside just to get away from this idiot. So now they do all their insemination,

[F]

and Tessa's like, well, those boys, I love them and I'll do anything. If I have to give a cow an epidural, I will, because I'll do anything for those boys.

[B]

All right, it's an epidural.

[F]

He's gonna put a block on him, which is gonna make him numb. Then I'm gonna throw all the NBA. I'll give it to him. He's just gonna put it in.

[B]

What the is this ER in the backyard? What are you guys doing? You can't do this.

[F]

I will be your father figure. Put your tiny embryo in mine.

[B]

So the cows are running towards. You know, they're running. Of course.

[A]

I'm sorry, I can't. Can we just go to the next scene? I'm so sorry. I can't talk about.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I don't want, like, there's nothing more I could. I don't want to. They, they, they stick it in the cows. So now we go to Christie's house

[B]

and Cows for their, you know, for their fucking toys and financial gain. I hate these people.

[A]

I'm not even upset about that part. I'm just more like. I'm just like. There's nothing left to say about this. So Christie's house and Stephen and Christy are talking about Ally and the long distance relationship. And Steven's holding Blair.

[D]

He's like, what do I do with this one? I don't understand it. It's a baby.

[A]

And Chrissy's like, okay, let me help. So she's like, so did you get Ally dropped off?

[D]

He's like, I did. She's heading down to Nashville, which I

[A]

thought she's going to Texas, but it's fine. And Christy's like, are you missing her already? Here, I got you a keg size of latte. That'll help you our little broken heart.

[D]

And she's like, yeah, it was harder than I thought it would be, Mama.

[C]

Yeah, it was real hard, Mama. And, and this is the time to tell you, I think I'm going to spending my time in Texas. I was like, so you mean for the. Maybe the winter or. Well, maybe about half the time here, half time there. I'm going to split the time. I mean, I don't know how many halves are in there and split, you know, you know, whatever. It's a lot of time. A lot of time. I found a really nice property right outside Ellie's window. I'm just going to stand there tapping on it. It like this, saying, open, open, open, open, hoping her dad doesn't shoot me. Well, that sounds a little dangerous, honey. It's love, mother. It is, Mama.

[D]

Do you have a trench coat in a boombox? I was kind of thinking about sitting outside our window playing some Peter Gabriel.

[C]

Well, I Don't. But I do have a trench coat. And Tessa. You could just stand out there and kind of hold Tessa up.

[B]

She'll sing whatever you want to. She'll cry while she's doing it.

[F]

I would love to do that. I actually have an old boombox costume from Halloween 1987. I can just put that right on.

[E]

I've got a box dress. Can I do anything for them boys

[D]

in your.

[F]

Well, how's it go again? In your eyes, in your eyes, in your eyes, in your eyes, in your res. Am I doing it right for you? Steven? One is the loneliest number that you'll ever know. Every day is a whining road.

[C]

Well, for the last day of my life, the last decade of my life, I put this farm and these businesses before anything else. And this is the first time I'm gonna choose my personal life. Half of the businesses.

[B]

That is not true. And I wish that we could have a little sidebar of coal as he's saying all of this, because I just don't believe you for 10 years.

[C]

I'm gonna go get a woman.

[A]

Well, there's also just something so obnoxious about, like, making all these mandates about what the farm has to be and then just saying. And now I'm gonna put myself first, and I'm gonna. I'm not putting the farm first. Well, if you're not putting the farm first, then why are you calling the shots? Like, get out of here.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. So he's telling Christine. Christie's crying because she's.

[C]

That's my boy. That's my boy. I'm a boy, Mom. And it's the worst things I've ever

[F]

heard in my life.

[C]

This is Delilah coming in here to steal my boy. Steal my boy. Why don't you just cut his hair? Cut his hair and take his weakness?

[A]

I think nature is already doing that for. For Delilah. So then Jesse. And we now go to Jesse and Ali's farmhouse, and it's going. It's undergoing a major overhaul, and which is exciting. And so Cole walks in, and, you

[B]

know what you want from your man who doesn't know how to open a tractor door to remodel your house by himself.

[A]

Yeah, seriously. I don't actually remember that there was an overall happening. But I not gonna lie. It was around this part of the episode that I literally fell asleep. And so then I had to, like, wake up again. And sometimes when that happens, I get a little hazy about the surrounding details. But, yeah, this was. I definitely dozed off during the scene. I'M not even lying. So Cole's like, super important.

[B]

It's very important to the plot. So, yes, you know, Jesse got laid in Vegas after being a drunk to his wife, and so now he's happy. So he's going to remodel the house so that she'll want to spend more time at this house instead of the big city house. So, yeah, it's. It's. It's great. So then they're talking about how Steven Jr. Might be leaving. He's going to Texas. And Jesse's like, well, definitely, I guess,

[C]

at the time of all.

[B]

It's like, new Venture and Highlands and obviously, like, it's kind of crazy news. You're just gonna run off and go live somewhere else.

[C]

I mean, I might put a new.

[B]

I might put a new load bearing something or other up there with this hammer.

[D]

Steven's like, well, I'm not ducking responsibilities. It'll still be handling. I'll still be holding everything, you know, that I handle now. I just won't. I just won't physically be there.

[A]

And Jesse's like, well, all the other things that we've got going on, all the banks and the loans that are getting called and stuff.

[F]

Stuff.

[A]

And that needs to be. He needs to be here for that. It feels like a little bit selfish that he's just up and moving away. Not that I'm gonna say anything about it. So Steven's like, well, I don't know.

[D]

I just feel like everything's fallen into place, and now it's a good time forward. It's a great time for me to abandon the farm.

[E]

Yeah, but I knew this was probably gonna happen. You know, it still sucks hearing and stuff, but, like, you know, I'm worried about the farm, worried about the future. I'm worried about Daddy. I'm worried about my kid. I'm worried about my new kid. I'm worried, what if I have another kid? I'm worried about all those birds that didn't fall from the sky. Let the balloons go, Casey. I gotta fix everything for him. And if Stephen ain't gonna be 100% invested in this farm, I've taken over. And that's it. That's the this and the that about it.

[F]

There's so much to worry about in life. Like Takis. Are those, like, tacos? But they're just called Takis. I don't understand things.

[E]

So, Cole, are Takis immigrants? Think of heck.

[F]

Takis. What?

[D]

What?

[F]

It's spelled with a K. But isn't Taco spelled with a C. I don't know. I'm just confused about packaging these days.

[C]

Well, I didn't want to come drop this on you guys, but I wanted y' all to know where my thoughts are, and they are on for freedom after being chained to this company for my entire life.

[A]

So now we got a call in Casey's house, and Casey's like, like, cole, why won't the closet pull down work? I'm on a step stool. I don't know why I missed that line last night, but there's something. There's something so sad about, like, Casey's announcements. I'm on a step stool.

[D]

This is.

[F]

Really.

[B]

Well, they have one of those closet. Their house is so big and the walls are so tall that they have a closet where you have to get a stick to pull down the top bar so you can get the clothes from the top bar off. But, guys, we've seen your clothes. Like, do you really need three full racks going up to the ceiling? It's the same. It's the same target cotton shirt on the bottom rack. Just wear that one.

[A]

How many generic sweatshirts do you need?

[E]

So

[A]

Steven, meanwhile, Stephen, is. That's literally all the scene was was that she was on a step stool, and the thing wouldn't come down. So now Steven goes. I thought that was gonna be the end of the episode, but now we have Steven in the car with Jake.

[B]

I mean, it was. It was pretty big. You should end on the bigger things. And Casey pulling down a closet rack was pretty huge. But, you know, you guys are running the show. You do it how you want.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. So now Steven and Jake go ring shopping, because Jake is finally gonna pop the question to Tegan. And so Jake is. They're excited, and he's like, I think

[F]

it might be time.

[A]

If not, it's getting close to time.

[E]

I don't know.

[A]

It's been eight years. And so Stephen's like, well, you're waiting

[D]

about as long as Jesse has. So let's go in and see what they got for a ring.

[A]

So they go into the Drennan jewelry store.

[E]

They.

[A]

I feel like this is, like the Kyle Chan of McBee Dynasty. This guy. They just come in here every episode.

[B]

Yeah. So, yeah, it's the Kyle Chan. And he's like, hey, guys, welcome back to the. Welcome back to the ring factory. What do we got here? Okay, well, today we've had a baby birthday, a baby on the way, a marriage, another marriage, implanting cows with babies.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

This show's got every base Covered. Do we want to get rings for the miniature cows?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Are they gonna have babies in sin? What are we doing here?

[F]

Here?

[B]

What are we doing?

[A]

Well, meanwhile, so Jake is there to look for a ring, but of course, then Stephen makes it about himself. So now Steven starts looking for a ring for Ali. And he's like.

[D]

Ali's like, you better not get me a lab row diamond. You know, she was married before. The one that she had before was like $150,000 ring. So I want to get something bigger. Give me a 45 million dollar ring. Daddy's gonna pay for it. Okay, Mini island cows will pay for this ring.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

We're broke.

[B]

We have no money, and Cole's house is about to get taken away. I'm gonna spend 150 grand on a ring. And I love Ali's like, this is moving too fast.

[F]

I don't like how fast this.

[B]

Okay, here's the specifications of the ring. I want exactly.

[A]

I know.

[B]

He pulls out a list.

[C]

It's like, do you have. Do you have.

[B]

Wait, where is this one? He pulls it out at some point. We'll get to it in a minute.

[C]

But it's like, do you have something that is 4/4 of an emerald and 3/4 of a dynamite and two stones on the side that center Sit and place over. Okay.

[B]

Ally, you don't want to move too quickly, but it's like a page long of descriptions of the ring you want and it must be over 150. Come on.

[D]

Do you have yellow gold, emerald with no halo, no cushion ring with two stones on the side of the cusader stone.

[B]

And you pointed this out already. But dude, why do you have to make this about yourself? This is Jake's moment, you know, Let the man have his moment, for Christ's sake.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

$150.

[C]

That's like. That's like five years of my salary.

[B]

What are you doing here? These people are paying you 30 grand a year. Burn everything down, Jake. That's what I say.

[A]

Yeah, honestly, Jake's like. Steven obsesses hard over a girl he thinks he's in love with. And he does take himself. He's in the gym mirror. We all really like Alice even. Don't scare this. Run away. It's too late.

[B]

I see all of. Well, we see a bunch of Steven's gym pictures when he said that. And I was cracking up that he's such a Sheena. Like every pose he does is exactly same at the same. And he faces his face towards the same direction so he can Always have the exact same good side. Wow. It's Sheena. It's a male cena at a farm

[F]

corner.

[A]

So Jake is like. I mean, I thought when you went down to Texas, you was torn with the thought of asking her dad to marry. And Steven's like, well, I just feel

[D]

like I'm 31 now, and I'm not one where. I'm not one where, like, I'm like, Jesse, you know, like, we have to, like, wait eight years. You know what? I go after what I want. I know what I want. And I want Ally. I'll be perfect. We're gonna journal together. Well, actually, she'll sleep and I'll journal. Then she'll wake up, and then we'll talk about my journal, and then we'll do membership chips and send our child to the private school of our choice. It's gonna be great and wonderful and poor.

[B]

This poor guy is just like.

[E]

Do you have anything for about $30? I'll look at that one for my.

[B]

For my engagement and see if.

[D]

You know what?

[C]

I think it's too soon. You're right. It's not time. Do you have diamond handcuffs that I could buy? Give me those.

[A]

So now we go back over.

[B]

His is like a crumpled little piece of foil on a garbage tie.

[A]

Yeah, well, he can always have only fans to get a better ring. And I encourage it. So then we go to Farm. The Farm Fulfillment Center. Be a great plot twist. Farm Fulfillment Center. And Casey is. She's working on the tallow. She's putting labels on jars. And Cole comes over with Blair, and Casey's like, stephen and I still have not figured out a single thing about the tallow business. And Steven's been absent and hasn't really helped with anything since the last time we talked. So, yeah, basically, Stephen is. He heard that there was money in it. He want. He got. He wanted to get involved. And then he found little cows, and now he's on to that one.

[B]

So when he found out that they're gonna stand up and not give Ali 20. So he's like, you, and then found something else to go do.

[E]

So.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Cole. So she's holding the baby and trying to put stickers on these products, okay? And she's like, cole, could you hand the hand. Do you hold the baby?

[E]

You can't you just do it the same time?

[B]

No, she's. She's working, bro. So then she hands him the baby. He's got her for two seconds. And then Stephen calls like, we need

[C]

to talk in private. I Do not want you talking in front of Player. Casey.

[B]

He's like, okay, here's the baby.

[C]

She's like, okay, come here, big girl

[B]

trying to put stickers on.

[A]

These are consumer facing products. And she's got to do it like, while holding a baby. Meanwhile, all the labels are going to be like, askew, so all over them and shit.

[B]

Yeah, people are going to be wiping this stuff on their face. No offense, Blair, but you're a baby. And that's what babies are. Snotty little goo factories.

[A]

Meanwhile, we know Cole can't handle those labels because they'll get icing on them somehow.

[B]

So Steven's like, the only labels Cole's into are for bathrooms.

[A]

Probably the only label he's into is Forever 21 stains. Forever 21 stains. That's his. That's what his shirts look like. Get it? Everyone get it. Heather to Bro, get over here. Thank you. So Steven's like.

[B]

He walks off to the end of the warehouse that.

[C]

Casey can't hear me. Can Player hear me? Because I don't trust her. Okay, now listen here. They're calling in the loans. And the land that your house is on, they're calling it alone. Sorry, Cole, but we're broke, okay? And I'm about to spend $150,000 at the Ring store, so. You're pretty. We spent all the rest of the money getting embryos into cows that didn't. That didn't consent to that. So sorry. Gonna have to wrap it up here. Pack it up.

[D]

Yeah. I know you have your dream house, and I know it's a literally a roof over your of your family's heads, but the money that we could have used to make sure your house would be secure for the future, I did spend on a diamond ring so I could love bomb ally a girl I've known for eight weeks. And the rest of it I spent on a tiny, tiny cow that has hair that you guys will now have

[A]

to blow dry since you don't have a house anymore.

[D]

Okay? Have a great day.

[E]

Because, like, what. Why is everything happening to me? Why the government coming after us like this? I just don't get it. When things gonna turn around from the McBiz?

[F]

When's it gonna. Oh, us poor, very wealthy people buying diamond rings here and there and investigating novelty cattle. Where are things gonna turn around for us poor folks?

[B]

And that is the McBee dynasty. So, God, I'm praying that next week is the season finale.

[A]

It allegedly told me it was.

[B]

I will believe you. But if it's not, they Will be our season finale either way. But everybody, thank you so much for being here. Always fun talking about this idiotic show. We will talk to you next time. See you later. Bye.

[E]

Bye.

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