103: Zoltan Kaszas | The Wayback with Ryan Sickler #103 | Full Episode

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Wayback with Ryan Sickler

Episode 103: Zoltan Kaszas | The Wayback with Ryan Sickler #103 | Full Episode
Release Date: December 18, 2025
Guest: Zoltan Kaszas
Host: Ryan Sickler

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Episode Overview

In this nostalgic and warm episode, comedian Zoltan Kaszas joins host Ryan Sickler in “The Wayback” to reminisce about his immigrant childhood, family dynamics, unusual living situations, and high school embarrassments. Blending humor with honest reflection, the pair dive into Zoltan’s journey from Budapest to Pittsburgh to San Diego, swapping stories about cultural adaptation, colorful classmates, and the little indignities of growing up. The episode is packed with laughter, memorable anecdotes, and the type of raw, heartfelt comedy that fans of the show have come to love.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Zoltan’s Immigrant Childhood (04:43–16:43)

• Hungarian Roots and Family History (04:43):

  • Zoltan was born in Budapest, Hungary. His father, a musician, left when Zoltan was a baby. He lived with his mother and grandmother until they moved to the US when he was four.
  • His mother married a Hungarian-American in Pittsburgh, which allowed them to emigrate.

• Adapting to America: Pittsburgh’s Hungarian Community (06:43):

  • There’s a strong Hungarian coalition in cities like Pittsburgh and Cleveland. Hungarian expats often seek each other out for support.
    • Notable quote: “Hungarians that barely speak any English...they go, we don’t know who you are, but we see name and we go, that’s Hungarian. And they show up just to support nationalistic.” – Zoltan (06:43)

• Stepfamily Turmoil & Living Situation (08:49):

  • Zoltan’s American stepfather was home constantly (due to layoffs). His stepsisters heckled him, telling him his mother wasn't coming home, a tormenting experience for a little kid.

• Mom Becomes a Live-In Housekeeper (09:43):

  • After a short-lived marriage, Zoltan’s mom becomes a live-in housekeeper for a wealthy Hungarian divorcee in Pittsburgh’s affluent Fox Chapel area, providing Zoltan with glimpses into both poverty and wealth growing up.

2. School Memories and Culture Shock (16:46–19:23)

• Learning English: Tiny ESL “Classroom” (16:46):

  • Zoltan was placed in a makeshift ESL class for just two kids: himself and a Japanese boy named Simon. “All they did was convert like a broom closet into the ESL classroom...they didn’t have anything.” – Zoltan (17:10)

• Childhood Humiliation: The Pee Story (18:10):

  • Zoltan recalls peeing his pants in kindergarten because of a strict teacher, resulting in a flooded computer lab and a humiliating walk home, pants soaked, with a note pinned to his shirt.

3. Moving West: From Pittsburgh to San Diego (19:14–25:37)

• A Year in a Wealthy Pittsburgh Home (19:14–19:44):

  • Zoltan’s mother endured unfair working conditions as a housekeeper but connected with other immigrant women in similar roles.

• San Diego & Living with Santeria (21:12–25:04):

  • They move to San Diego, live briefly with Mexican roommates—one of whom practices Santeria—bringing candles and nightly rituals into their lives.
  • Walter Mercado, a televised fortune teller, becomes an unexpected staple of their TV time.
    • “My mom had to put candles out this one time... ‘cause she’s gotta have good juju for the rest of 1995.” – Zoltan (23:23)

• Trailer Park Life & The Working Class Ladder (25:04–26:56):

  • After a year, Zoltan’s mom meets an El Salvadorian man and they move into his trailer in a relatively safe San Diego trailer park.
  • Zoltan reflects on how trailer parks can be perfectly nice, not matching negative stereotypes.

4. School Life in California (27:01–29:28)

• Elementary and Middle School Transitions (27:01–28:23):

  • Initial transfer to a tougher school, but then rezoning allows Zoltan to attend a nicer elementary.
  • He talks about reconstructed San Marcos High, its gigantic population, and bittersweet memories.

• Band Class: Faking It Until He Was Busted (31:18–32:22):

  • Zoltan “pantomimed” playing the alto sax for months, until called out in front of class:
    • “I had not blown into this thing in months...just the screech that came out of this thing...” – Zoltan (32:14)
    • “He knew that I’d been…(faking it), he just stared at me.” – Zoltan (32:22)
  • The hosts laugh about the universal embarrassment of failing at childhood endeavors.

5. High School Football & Local Legends (33:10–39:13)

• Sports Participation for Social Reasons (33:10):

  • Zoltan joined football to be with friends, not for athletic prowess. He jokes about being a "sixth-string" middle linebacker.

• Legend of Ronnie Cop: A Teenage Father on the Team (35:08–38:29):

  • A larger-than-life teammate arrives as a freshman, already with a child. His dedication to the game and raw power set him apart, even if his grades (0.5 GPA) foreshadowed a short high school tenure.
    • “We’re 14, freshman year...he shows up, he’s got a baby...he had a cigarette, and he’s like, see you later, fellas. And we’re like, what a man.” – Zoltan (36:00)
    • Zoltan recounts a viral story about Ronnie, culminating in Ronnie’s son commenting online, “That’s my dad he’s talking about, and I’m the baby.” (38:24)

• “We Should Have Supported Him Like Ed Reed Did” (38:29–39:13):

  • Ryan shares how NFL legend Ed Reed helped a college teammate-tied down by fatherhood-by organizing babysitting among the team.

6. Family Dynamics and Generational Change (39:24–43:52)

• Thirteen-Year Younger Half-Brother (39:24):

  • Zoltan reflects on being an only child, then suddenly having a much younger brother (half Hungarian, half Salvadorian).
  • “That’s a fusion restaurant.” – Ryan (39:36)

• Mom’s Evolving Parenting: From Tough Immigrant to Holistic Parent (40:45–42:07):

  • Zoltan describes how he was raised with an "Eastern European, no-nonsense" approach, while his brother got the "holistic, deodorant-smuggling" version.

• Trying to Reconnect with Roots & Extended Family (42:46–43:52):

  • Zoltan aims to get his mom to visit Budapest for his show, but she avoids it to dodge problematic old acquaintances:
    • “My stupid godfather just wanted the cash instead of...the teeth...he wants the sauce and whatever he’s into. And it pissed my mom off so bad, she’s like, I’m not coming.” – Zoltan (43:34)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being the only Zoltan:
  • “I hope. If there’s a second I kill him.” – Zoltan (05:35)
• Hungarian Community Pride:
  • “We see name and we go, that’s Hungarian. And they show up just to support nationalistic.” – Zoltan (06:43)
• On Pittsburgh’s ethnic enclaves:
  • “It’s all sausages and all—that’s all your food right there.” – Ryan (06:27)
• Stepparent’s constant presence:
  • “He was home all the time. I think he got laid off. And so whatever he did, he no longer did.” – Zoltan (08:24)
• Band class fiasco:
  • “Just the screech that came out of this thing...” – Zoltan (32:14)
• On football and Ronnie Cop:
  • “He had a baby...we’re 14, freshman year...and he’s like, see you later, fellas. And we’re like, what a man.” (36:00)
• Walter Mercado and Santeria:
  • “Walter Mercado said I gotta leave two candles outside the front of the door.” – Zoltan (23:33)
• On half-siblings and his dad:
  • “I assume I have a bunch of, like, half brothers and sisters, I would imagine...the gypsy musician floating around...” – Zoltan (42:27)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Time | Segment/Topic | |------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------| | 04:43 | Zoltan’s Hungarian roots & immigration story | | 06:43 | Hungarian expat community & nationalism | | 08:49 | Stepsisters and adjusting to American family life | | 09:43 | Mom becomes a live-in housekeeper, Fox Chapel experience | | 16:46 | ESL class “for two,” culture shock in school | | 18:10 | Peeing pants in kindergarten, humiliation | | 19:14 | Move to San Diego; meeting immigrant networks | | 21:12 | Living with Santeria; Walter Mercado’s nightly rituals | | 25:04 | Trailer park living in San Diego | | 27:01 | School transitions, Alvin Dunn Elementary, Dangerous Minds bit | | 31:18 | Pantomiming in band class; getting caught | | 33:10 | High school football—sixth-string linebacker | | 35:08 | Ronnie Cop: teammate, teen father legend | | 38:29 | Ed Reed and supporting teammates’ families | | 39:24 | Half-brother, generational parenting shifts | | 42:46 | Trying to get mom to Budapest show, family drama | | 43:52 | Episode wrap-up, plugs |

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Tone and Style

The conversational style is irreverently funny, honest, and at times poignant, maintaining the warm comic banter characteristic of both Ryan Sickler and Zoltan Kaszas. The stories oscillate between hilarious self-deprecation and touching glimpses into an immigrant family’s resilience and adaptation.

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Final Notes

• Promotions:
  • Zoltan’s special “London Fog” is streaming on YouTube. He encourages fans to watch it on TV: “Apparently go watch it on your TV because it counts as more views.” (04:42)
  • Zoltan’s tour dates are at zoltancomedy.com.
  • Ryan’s special “Live and Alive” is also on YouTube.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone who enjoys heartfelt storytelling, immigrant narratives, and the everyday absurdities of growing up between cultures.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

C mobile.com Guys, I want to say thank you very much. We hit over a million views on Live and Alive. Thank you for supporting it. Thank you for watching it. If you haven't yet, go watch it, share it with your friends. Comment like all that stuff. Live and Alive streaming now on my YouTube. Thank you guys so much for your support. Hey baby, we going to be here all day.

[B]

We going to be here all day, baby. I like that kind of party.

[C]

Welcome back to the Way Back everybody. Ryan Sickler here starting this one off like I start them all off by saying thank you. Thank you for supporting and anything I do, especially this show. This show is so much fun to sit here and dive into people's past and just sit here and laugh and have a good time. Go watch my special speaking of laughing and having a good time, streaming now on my YouTube. Thank you. Liking it, sharing it, commenting, saving it. You know what else I found out? Watching it on your TV versus your phone or your tablet counts more at YouTube.

[B]

Found that out. I didn't know that.

[C]

You do now. Anyway, you guys are the best fans. Thank you for your support. I'm very excited to have this guest back here with us today. Ladies and gentlemen, Zoltair Cassius. Welcome to the Way Back, buddy.

[B]

Thank you so much. Thanks for having me.

[C]

I'm very excited. We've been talking for a while outside. We've been Hanging out. And I'm very excited to have you sit down here. But before we get into your stories. Right there, buddy. Plug everything and anything you'd like.

[B]

Please go watch my special on YouTube called London Fog. And apparently go watch it on your tv because it counts as more views.

[C]

Yes, it weighs heavier for some reason.

[B]

Yeah, please watch it on your tv. And also, I'm on tour always. Just like every other comic in the world. Zoltan Comedy dot com. Check out all my tour dates. It's a worldwide ish tour because they're actually letting me do some shows in the UK and Europe. Just a taste.

[C]

What do you mean letting you?

[B]

Well, I mean that there's enough of seeming demands that I get to go over there. Yeah, I like.

[C]

I like your. I like your humbleness.

[B]

Well, we're gonna see. We might. I hope everyone shows up. But, yeah, Zoltan comedy dot com. Please come see me. Yeah.

[C]

Well, thank you for being back here. So I. I've been. Your name's been floating around for a while now. In my circle. I keep hearing about the Zoltan. There's only one of you.

[B]

I hope. If there's a second I kill him. I'm saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

So Zoltan Cassis.

[B]

What?

[C]

You're from Hungary originally, correct? Hungarian.

[B]

Yeah. Born in Budapest.

[C]

Like mom and dad are both. Both Hungarian.

[B]

Yeah. They split up when I was a baby, so my dad was a musician, so my mom says half gypsy, so they're not used to sticking around. And so he left when I was a baby, and I lived in an apartment with my mom and my grandmother. So for mom's mom? Yeah, mom's mom. And I was there till I was four. And then we moved to the States.

[C]

Now does dad move as well?

[B]

No. No. So my mom married a Hungarian American that lived in Pittsburgh, and that's how we were able to slip into the country.

[C]

So we were talking before, too. You come to Pittsburgh, which I said when you said that. I was like, that makes sense. And then I started wondering, is there a Hungarian influence there? And then I start thinking about Milwaukee and that whole Chicago. And I'm like, oh, it's all sausages and all. That's all your food right there.

[B]

There's. There's such a Hungarian coalition in, like, Pittsburgh, Cleveland. I'll have people come to my shows, like in Cleveland. Hungarians that barely speak any English. And then after the show, they go, we don't know who you are, but we see name and we go, that's Hungarian. And they show Up. They show up just to support nationalistic.

[C]

Wow. That's what I'm saying. Like, all these other countries out there go so much harder for their people than we do in the States. They just do.

[B]

I avoid America.

[C]

Go hard.

[B]

Do you ever avoid Americans when you travel abroad? Oh, yeah.

[C]

I mean, we haven't been abroad since I was 16, dude.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I mean, if you consider Canada and. And Mexico abroad, then no.

[B]

Yeah. No. 16th time I was over there, I've seen fellow Americans. Like, I was in Europe earlier this year. We went to Germany, and I saw some Americans at the hotel, and they were the only ones all bumbling and being in the way, just like I was before they showed up, but we didn't. You thought I would seek some kind of connection. And I'm like, please, please don't notice me.

[C]

So what was it about this pocket of the States that was. Drew interest from the Hungarians?

[B]

I think the mills.

[C]

The steel mills.

[B]

Yeah. So when all the steel mills opened, they needed workers, and I guess these Europeans were. I mean, Hungarians came over to the United States in 56 because of the revolution. They're trying to overthrow communism. It didn't work. And so a bunch of people were, like, trying to come over then. That's the first. That was the big wave of Hungarians coming to the United States.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And this man that your mom marries, he's. Is he working to steal?

[B]

No, he.

[C]

He was, like, in Pittsburgh.

[B]

I don't know why he was in Pittsburgh. He was divorced. He had two daughters that were now my stepsisters. And as soon as we showed up, I just remember he was home all the time. I think he got laid off. And so whatever he did, he no longer did. Yeah. And so I just remember this guy is always here. He was home. He was. He.

[C]

He was home.

[B]

And my mom was gone, and. And this guy was home all the time. And I didn't like my sisters, and they would just heckle me and tell me my mom was never coming home.

[C]

Are they. They're older than you?

[B]

Yeah, they were older than me.

[C]

So you're about 5 now?

[B]

Yeah, I was 4, and they were like 10, 12. That age. Both of them around that age. And so they would just be like, you know, your mom's not coming home. You just have to live with us. And I'd be like, God damn it. And I'd just be so sad. But, yeah, she was out working, so that marriage lasted seven months.

[C]

Oh, shit.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

My mom. My mom doesn't put up with the lot, clearly. Yeah. So she's like, if you're not gonn, this isn't going to work out. So we were actually going to move back to Hungary, and there's such a Hungarian community out there that my mom ended up meeting at a party, this rich lady, this rich Hungarian lady that lived in a big house and she needed a live in housekeeper, babysitter.

[C]

In Pittsburgh.

[B]

In Pittsburgh.

[C]

Oh, my God. And So your mom's Mrs. Belvedere, dude.

[B]

Yes, it was.

[C]

Weren't they in Pittsburgh?

[B]

They might have cursed.

[C]

It was the show Mr. Belvedere in Pittsburgh. If it is, I swear to God your mom is Mrs. Melvin here. This is crazy. Do you remember that show?

[B]

I never watched. I always thought of my mom as, like. As a Mary Poppins who smoked cigarettes. Like, that's who I thought she was. Oh, it was Pittsburgh.

[C]

Wow. Yeah. Your mom's Mrs. Belvin here, for Christ's sake.

[B]

That's crazy. Hilarious. Now I gotta watch.

[C]

I'm just gonna tell you this real fast because it was such a dig at me. And it. It's a. Oh, it's a deep cut that some of the old feasters will remember. So one time I'm out here on Hollywood Boulevard, had some friends come into town and they're wanting to take pictures of man's Chinese theater.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So we're on the other side of the street to get a better wide shot that they want to get. And as they're doing it, this homeless guy's coming down the street. He's coming from west to east on our side of the sidewalk. It's this big black dude. And you got to picture this. He's got, you know, those neighborhood basketball rims that you can just put in a. A C. It's got, like, wheels.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yes, yes.

[C]

He's got one of these. Okay, it's around. Yeah, this is it right here. Kirsten. So we're over here on the left, and we're taking a picture across the street to the right here. He's coming down the sidewalk this way, and he's got his head through the hoop of the rim. And then everything else is behind him. He's. It's. He's pulling it with the wheels. You know what I'm saying? Does this make sense to you? Okay, he's got his head through it and he's walking. I'm like, oh, here, this. Here comes this. And I tell. Wait, come back to the corner right here. Kirsten, look. This is what I call Dirty Hollywood.

[B]

Yeah, this. The.

[C]

The. On the sidewalks here is human yes. Okay.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And every. I feel. Yeah. This right here, I feel.

[B]

Look at this, huh?

[C]

I just feel sorry for these. I know people want you to feel sorry for him or her, whatever. And not that I don't, but I feel sorry for these families who spend all their money and save it to come here. And this is what it looks like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And you're like, what? And they're just wandering Hollywood at night when I'm going to do a show. And I'm just like, you four people, you got. You got bamboozled by the power cut of Santa Monica Pier, Beverly Hills, Hollywood, downtown. Yeah. Anyway, we're on this side of the sidewalk. This guy's coming through, and he's. I know he's gonna hound us because they're taking a photo, and their whole thing over there is if you take a photo, they want some kind of donation.

[B]

Oh, this guy's like a street performer. Not.

[C]

But he's taking that mindset. Okay. So he comes through our point of view. They snap the picture. This stops right now. And it's, you know, it's two girls. He's like, you owe me a dollar. And I'm like, just keep it moving, dude. He's like, yo, me a dollar. I was like, we're not taking a picture of you. They're taking a picture of the theater across the street. You happen to walk in with your fucking basketball rib. Just keep it moving. And this dude looked at me. I had a goatee at the time. Apparently I was overweight. And he goes, well, fuck you, Mr. Belvedere. And I said, you son of a bitch. And he dragged that motherfucking basketball thing on. I was like, this motherfucker. I lost weight immediately. This shame me into losing some pounds.

[B]

Did he.

[C]

When he.

[B]

When he stopped to yell at you guys, did he pull his head out of the hoop?

[C]

No, he said it was already through. It was already through.

[B]

Oh, so he didn't.

[C]

Hoop was around his neck.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. And he just turns.

[C]

He's holding it like the hoops. Oh, his head's through it, and he's holding it like this.

[A]

You really want to be better with your finances. You try to put money away in savings. You look for deals. You wrote out a budget once, a long time ago, yet you still overdraft from time to time, and you still have debt. The truth is, managing money is not easy, but Rocket Money can help. Rocket Money shows you exactly what you're spending every month. From there, the app helps you make a budget that meets your financial goals. The app even gives you real time alerts when you're about to go over your budget so you don't spend too much with Rocket Money. You can also see all of your subscriptions at a glance and cancel the ones you don't want right from the app. Rocket Money can even try to get you a refund for some of the money you wasted. Plus, you can use the smart savings feature to start putting more money away. Rocket Money analyzes your accounts to determine the optimal time to stow away cash without going over your budget. Our members report that the Rocket Money app saved them more than $700 a year. Getting better with money doesn't have to be a pipe dream. Rocket Money can make it a reality. Go to RocketMoney.com cancel or download the app from the Apple app or Google Play stores.

[B]

What do you think makes the perfect snack?

[C]

Hmm.

[B]

It's gotta be when I'm really craving.

[C]

It and it's convenient.

[B]

Could you be more specific?

[C]

When it's cravinient.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter, available right down the street.

[B]

At a.m. p.m. Or a savory breakfast.

[C]

Sandwich I can grab in just a second at a.m. p.m.

[B]

I'm seeing a pattern here.

[C]

Well, yeah, we're talking about what I.

[B]

Crave, which is anything from AM pm.

[C]

What more could you want? Stop by AM PM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's craving Yance ampm. Too much good stuff. Okay. And everything else is. Yeah. He called me Mr. Belvedere with the. With his head out of the hoop.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[C]

Sorry. I digress.

[B]

That was a little Hollywood story. Okay, so those are the stories these tourists are going home with. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Their version of what you just said.

[C]

Yes, exactly. Exactly. Guy right in front of the Coffee Bean. Look me in my eyes. Look me right in my eyes. Look me right my eyes. That's what they're seeing out here, these poor people.

[B]

Okay. It's a memorable moment, I think.

[C]

Okay. So mom meets a wealthy lady.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And is this is still in Pittsburgh?

[B]

Yep. In the. In the Fox Chapel area. Which. Which is like a nice. I found out years later reading a Sports Illustrated. Bill Cower lived in Fox Chapel.

[C]

Oh, did he?

[B]

So it's like a. It's like a wealthy, wealthy area. And we lived in the basement of this, like, really big house. And.

[C]

And was this a widow or just a lady by herself? Married.

[B]

Okay. She's a divorce.

[C]

No kids.

[B]

She had a daughter my age, so we were friends. Okay. She had her Barbies. I had my pro wrestlers and we combo played. So we had a good time. But yeah, she was just a divorced lady in her like 50s who would just date young men. So there's always like new 20 something year old men. Every three months there'd be like a new guy, which is awesome for me because it was like my bud. We were like, we'd watch wrestling together. It would always be like a new friend. And yeah, it was a weird. It was a weird situation because like I went to like a nice school and all my hand me downs.

[C]

Are you going where her daughter goes and everything?

[B]

1. And what's, what's the school there? Do you remember O' Hare Elementary? They had to create an ESL class because, you know, I was learning English and there was two kids that were in this ESL class. It was me and a Japanese kid named Simon. And I'm not making this up.

[C]

Zoltan and Simon. You got a class of two.

[B]

And they all they did was convert like a broom closet into the ESL classroom. Like it was clear they didn't have.

[C]

Who's assigned?

[B]

That was my school. Right?

[C]

There we go.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Who's assigned to teaching you this? I don't.

[B]

Just some sub, I guess. And they're like, we're going to read Clifford the Big Red Dog and that's all we read. Did it fucking changed it.

[C]

Is that how you actually learned English?

[B]

Well, between that and watching TV and all that stuff. But no, it was a huge help.

[C]

And is the lady and her daughter speaking English in the house and stuff?

[B]

Both.

[C]

So they.

[B]

They speak Hungarian. It was like a classic, you know, English Hungarian mix where like if you want to trash talk someone, you speak in Hungarian and then otherwise we're speaking in English.

[C]

I mean, this is Christina P's people. All day long.

[B]

Yeah, fellow Hungarian.

[C]

How long do you.

[B]

I haven't looked at this.

[C]

Let him look at it.

[B]

That's crazy.

[C]

This is what happens when people watch this. Here's the funny thing. We're all old enough that we forget. Yeah. You could go look at your whole life.

[B]

I peed in the computer lab in there when I was in kindergarten.

[C]

Like you pulled your.

[B]

No, I just peed my pants because we had a mean teacher that would give every kid such a hard time if he had to go to the bathroom. And so I didn't want him to give me a hard time.

[C]

So I thought, crazy, a power trip like that just to see yourself.

[B]

I flooded. I flooded the computer lab because it was all tile. And then so Everyone just like, it.

[C]

Actually ran out of your pants.

[B]

It just didn't soak into your. I noticed like the other kids are.

[C]

Like huddling through, puddling.

[B]

Yeah. And no one said anything. And then at the end of the day, a teacher just pinned a note to my shirt.

[C]

No.

[B]

That said I had an accident. No. And then I went home. My mom, who barely learning English, she thought I like fell down the stairs or got hit by like. What do you mean accident? I'm like, it peed my pants. She goes, oh. She was like, that's fine.

[C]

They pinned the note.

[B]

Yeah, they pinned a note to me and they just kicked me out.

[C]

Did they give you fresh clothes or anything? No. Just let you stay in your pants all day?

[B]

I stayed in piss pants and they pinned a note to me and sent me on my way.

[C]

So then we go. Why do we leave Pittsburgh then you head out to San Diego eventually.

[B]

So my mom, I liked living at.

[C]

That big house, but then how long are you there?

[B]

Three years.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And my mom hated working for that lady. It's just pretty unfair work conditions, cash under the table kind of deal. And. But she made friends with like other live in housekeepers in the area. And so how. I don't know, but there's some.

[C]

She networking with other people. This is. We're talking what year two is.

[B]

This is 91 to 95.

[C]

So there's no Internet or anything yet either.

[B]

This is how people met.

[C]

Cell phones or anything yet?

[B]

No, there's. She met a Mexican lady named Beatrice who spent half the year with the family in Pittsburgh and the half the year living in San Diego. And my mom's like, we got to get out of here. And that was our. That was.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So we ended up in San Diego. Yeah, we ended up in.

[C]

Now can I ask you, originally you were living with mom and grandma. Where's grandma? She stays in Pittsburgh.

[B]

She stays in Pittsburgh. Oh, no, she stays in Hungary. She never left Hungary. Yeah. Yeah, we left her there and she. That sounded mean, but yeah, we left her. No, we. We did. We left her. We had to. It's time to move on, Grandma. You're holding us back. And yeah, she ended up passing away when we moved to San Diego. Found out via a postcard.

[C]

What is it with your people in the notes too? You gotta carry your pigeon. Coming to tell you Dad's back in the picture.

[B]

I remember my mom got a postcard.

[C]

From who?

[B]

Like my uncle.

[C]

What's it say on the other side? Postcards.

[B]

Grandma's dying.

[C]

I.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

I mean, the other side, like, calls back California. You know what I mean? Like, it's always. Postcards aren't sad.

[B]

I think it.

[C]

I've never seen a depressing postcard. It doesn't make sense.

[B]

I think it's a. Glad you're not here. Grandma's dying.

[C]

Maybe in Hungary they are, though. Maybe you guys have depressing postcards over there.

[B]

I never thought of that. Oh, my God, Glenn, you're not here. What was on the other side of.

[C]

It was on the other side of the postcard, bro. Oh, yeah, look, here it is. Greetings from food. Flip it over. Grandma's dying. Hope you're enjoying sunny Southern California.

[B]

Grandma's dying. We can't afford a long distance phone call for this.

[C]

Grandma's.

[B]

Grandma's dead. Yeah, that's how we found out.

[C]

That's a beautiful city, though.

[B]

It is gorgeous. Yeah, that's the Duna. Or. I'm not pronouncing that properly, but the name of that big river and it splits Budapest in half. Half the cities on one side and the other. Yeah, it's beautiful. I'm actually going back there in April. I'm doing a show in Budapest.

[C]

I was going to ask you. And are you going to do.

[B]

I'm pumped.

[C]

Are you going to speak Hungarian?

[D]

I can't.

[C]

I mean, translate.

[B]

I can only say hello and goodbye. I can't do. Hopefully they speak English if they're coming to the show.

[C]

Okay, so we're in San Diego and where do we go? We're in San Diego.

[B]

We spent a short time in an apartment complex living with these Mexican ladies as our roommates. One of them may have been into, like, Santeria a little bit. Might have been, yeah. There's a lot of, like, feathers.

[C]

We ran the feathers in the house and she, like.

[B]

One of our roommates watched that show. They did a documentary about this guy on Netflix. He was like a bedazzled guy that would give fortunes to people on the Spanish channel.

[C]

I don't know who this guy is.

[B]

You're gonna get a load of this. We had to watch this guy every night.

[C]

Oh, yeah, because this is what you're watching at their house.

[B]

Yeah. We only had one tv, and so after wrestling, I got my hour of wrestling, and then we had to watch.

[C]

They were into wrestling, too?

[B]

No, they hated it. So this is your. Yeah, this guy.

[C]

This guy. I don't know anything about. You don't know this guy.

[B]

He looks like Walter Mercado. That's his Mucho mucho.

[C]

More. That's a Gu.

[B]

That's a dude. Wow. Okay. And he would give you.

[C]

I mean, this looks like a Mike Myers character, for God's sake, doesn't it?

[B]

This guy's a legend guy.

[C]

He looks like a Zoltan, if I'm being honest.

[B]

I know, but he would tell you what to do. And so like sometimes our roommate would be off on a trip and she would call, she'd be like, hey, Walter Mercado said I got to leave two candles outside the front of the door.

[C]

Wait, so you could just watch him and he would say, this is what you're going to do tonight. And then his disciples or followers would go do that.

[B]

Yes, for good luck, good fortune, good health, good wealth, all that good stuff. And so I remember my mom having to put candles out this one time. Cause our roommate was gone and she's like, ah, she wants candles outside. Cause she's gotta have good juju for the rest of the 1995. But yeah, this guy was part of every night in my childhood. Walter Mercado. But yeah, that only lasted a year. And then we ended up.

[C]

Look, I don't mean to interrupt here, but. 450aminute. Listen, I think these are patients then. That's expensive.

[B]

Oh, no, that's an American dollar sign.

[C]

Yeah, 449. Poor Minuto. That's 450aminute. A ten minute calls. $45. This is in the 90s, dude.

[B]

And he's living in Miami. Look at the rest of that address.

[C]

You know why? You know why? That's no, no income tax down there. This knows exactly who he's doing. He knows exactly what he's doing. He's optimized his taxes and everything. Look at this.

[B]

He's dressed like Ric Flair.

[C]

Never. Yep. I never heard of this guy in my life before Ms. Cleo. Before Ms. Cleo?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Ms. Cleo was robbing people too. Hilarious. Okay, so then when do you get out of this place?

[B]

We only lived here for a year. And then my mom met a guy, El Salvadorian dude. And he lived in. He had a trailer, so we moved in with him and then we've been there. My mom still lives there.

[C]

She does?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So I. The rest of my childhood was in the trailer park. So we went from like a rich neighborhood in Pittsburgh within a matter of a year after that we're in. We're in the trailer park. So. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

But also I've been in that area and stuff. The trailer parks in San Diego are not as bad. It's the trailer park. I Went to. In Three Mile Island.

[B]

Yes, I promise.

[C]

I promise.

[B]

This was not like a dangerous trailer park. This was, like, old. Like, they had switched the rules. It used to be a senior community, and then it became a non, you know, senior community. And so I was.

[C]

Listen, the older I get, I don't. I've never been a palatial mansion guy. Anyway, I want one floor if there's going to be a downstairs, and I want to go down for, like, a finished basement, you know? I mean, I don't want to go upstairs to do laundry and shit. I want one motherfucking floor. And I don't even mind. Like, I've been looking at barn dominiums with Amish. Oh, the Amish barndominiums. Amish is a different one now.

[B]

Hold on.

[C]

I'm in love with these fucking things. So they're just a. Oh, that's gorgeous. They take barn and then they'll flip it like this barn dominium. Like, even this small, the smaller one. I'm fine. I don't want a big ass. Like, I don't need all that. That's way too.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Big. But I want property. Yeah, I'll get the small house. Check out these, Kirsten. These are. Look at the Amish houses, the ones these guys are building. So these guys are throwing them up like that.

[B]

Oh, they just. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, they're banging them out, too. They're quick. They're good. So the Amish also look up Amish small homes. Look up that one. Like, they do. Like, tight.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Tiny homes.

[C]

Here they are. Yeah. So they make these little tiny ones, and you can build. Build onto these. And that's basically a trailer. Yeah, that one down there is on wheels, you know. Yes, I'm into that. These trailers today are Nothing like the 80s when I grew up. No, they're nice.

[B]

Yeah, they are nice.

[C]

I don't. I mean, that's the white trash in me, but I could live in that all day long. Look up container homes. This is another.

[B]

Oh, I've seen those.

[C]

I like these, too. These?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's great.

[B]

I'd live in that.

[C]

When I worked back at a. At a writing gig back in the. I don't know, mid 2000s, whatever early it was, they were taking these container homes, and I was watching this company start building them. I was like, man, these are great.

[B]

Yeah, they look really cool.

[C]

That's badass. Give me a container home. What the. What do I need?

[B]

We were ahead of the curve. That's what you were. Yeah, we were in the trailer park. Before, so we had this cool edge to it. Like, look at it look like that. That looks awes.

[C]

So you're in elementary school out there at this time too now. So where. Let's go look at your San Diego elementary school.

[B]

Oh, the one.

[C]

Can we.

[B]

Yeah, the good one. They tore it down or they. They changed it, but Alvin Dunn elementary was a real dump that I went to. That was the shocking. Like, it was like the first five minutes of Dangerous Minds when Michelle Faulkner had to go in.

[C]

It's been the most high line this.

[B]

School felt like it might. Yeah. It's called this now. That's not what it looked like when I went there.

[C]

I mean, it doesn't even look safe to pull in. That's where we go 2007, right there.

[B]

That's before they tore down. Yeah, that's the Alvin Dunn that I went to in, what, 96.

[C]

And you're like, nah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And so then why do you leave here? Because you just get out, go to middle school.

[B]

Well, thankful. Yeah. Yeah. I. I went to a nice elementary school after this because they read drew the districting line, so I got to go up the hill so I didn't have to go here anymore. And then I went off to middle school. San Marcos Middle School. The.

[C]

Now you've. You've made some teachers in your bits.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Are these middle school or high school teachers?

[B]

These were high school teachers.

[C]

All right, let's see your high school.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What's your high school?

[B]

San Marcos High School. Which.

[C]

San Marcos High.

[B]

The version you're gonna see is this gorgeous one that I didn't go to. It got torn down.

[C]

Oh, it did?

[B]

Yeah. And rebuilt in the same spot.

[C]

Have these teachers reached out to you at all?

[B]

No, no, no. I guess I didn't say anything great about him. Mr. Brent sucked, though, so, like. Okay, yeah. He was mean to people.

[C]

What did he teach?

[B]

He was wood shop.

[C]

And he was me.

[B]

He was just bitter. He was like. I think the only thing he liked in his life was wood. And the only way he could make a living off of it was having to teach.

[C]

Any control over anybody was wood.

[B]

His knowledge of wood needed us.

[C]

And this is middle. This is high.

[B]

This is high school mascot here, the Knights fighting nights.

[C]

It's a big school, huh?

[B]

It's a big school. And it used to not. I mean, it grew into this. Like, when I went there, my graduating class had 6, 800, 700, 2007. Yeah. Here we go. Yeah, it's just a flat.

[D]

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[C]

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[B]

There you go. A lot of portable classrooms, that kind of thing.

[C]

Who's the other teacher you talk about? Is this a high school teacher as well?

[B]

Oh, Mr. Mc. Oh, Mr. McGee. The music teacher was middle school. That was middle school. Yeah, because that's when I took band. I played alto sax in the sixth grade band. And I hate, Like, I wasn't good at it. So I quit. Like, I quit mentally, but I didn't. I talk about this in my new special. But like, I didn't have the courage to tell him that I quit because he was so intimidated.

[C]

Just fantoming.

[B]

Yeah, I just like blew in. No, because I would sit with the other alto Sanxes and then just pantomime. And this is true. Three months in, four months in, I got busted. Because he goes, why?

[C]

Does he go solo?

[B]

No, kinda. He goes, we're working on a song. And he goes, Wait, stop. One of the alto saxes is out of tune. Stand up and play one at a time. And I had not blown into this thing in months. And so I gotta stand up in front of the whole class and just like. Just the screech that came out of this thing.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And then he's just looking at me and I'm like, I think my reading broken. That's all I could say. And then I just. He knew. He knew. He knew that I'd been.

[C]

Did he call you out?

[B]

No, he just stared at me. And then I just sat down while everyone in class watched me. And this. The chair squeaked and I just stood there.

[C]

The chair was in tune, bro. The chair was more in tune than you.

[B]

Oh. Did you ever, like, try anything in school that you immediately regretted? Like a drama class?

[C]

Every test, Everything I did, if it wasn't a physical, I was. I was physically fit. You know, sports, I was fine with that.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Anything else? Like, yeah, I was always like, I don't know if I'm gonna do good at this, but I always did. I don't know what the. I don't myself a lot with that.

[B]

Stuff, but yeah, I kind of. I kind of played sports just because my friends did.

[C]

So you played football in high school?

[B]

Yeah, and I liked.

[C]

What position are you playing?

[B]

I played tight end and middle linebacker, and only because they let you pick what position. Like freshman year, there's 100 kids on the team and they're like, just pick whatever you want. And then if you pick something that they thought you could do something better at, they just put you at that. But they're like, I was such a non athlete. They're like, why don't you be six string middle linebacker?

[C]

Six string.

[B]

I was legit. Six string middle linebacker, six string Titan, six. I almost had to play once. How?

[C]

Dude, how?

[B]

We played against El Camino High.

[C]

You have a bench clearing brawl and people are getting thrown out. That's it.

[B]

We had. There was a running back for El Camino High that I think was just a grown man playing football.

[C]

You guys out here in Southern California, you got some. You got some big boys.

[B]

There are some schools that would just be amazing.

[C]

They're like funnels for NCAA Division 1 schools.

[B]

And yeah, I don't know if this guy was that, but he definitely hurt every middle linebacker we had. And it kept coming down to me. And then the last kid before me, fifth string, was Anthony Castellanos, who's a friend of mine at the time. And he went out there we never got to play. So I remember he looked at me and he's like, I'll see you. And then he went out there and he lasted one play.

[C]

One play.

[B]

He. I just remember him coming through the fog and he's like, ah, he stepped on my face. That's what he yelled with a shriek. He stepped on my face.

[C]

He's got a helmet on. It still went on his face.

[B]

And then I never. I was supposed to be next, but coach didn't know who the next middle linebacker was, so he was just running up and down the side. Do I have any more middle linebackers? And I chickened out. I just sneaked to the back.

[C]

Homer Simpson.

[B]

Yeah. I just went back and I was like, I'm a kicker today. We're not. We're not getting. We're not getting out there. But yeah, yeah, I played. I only played football because my friends chose to. And I just wanted to hang out with my buds. I didn't want to play.

[C]

Tell me about this kid that showed up on the team we were talking.

[B]

About before we recorded the Legend of Ronnie Cop. Now I've known Ron. I knew Ronnie Comp in middle school. That middle school is a tough middle school. I watched him beat up two kids at the same time in the lunch line. And they jumped him. He was, he was. He won. He. They jumped him. And he turned around and crushed both of them. I was right behind there. I was like, oh my. I got to watch it. Front row seat. And so of course he ends up playing football in high school all summer. You know, we do summer training, whatever. And then right before we did that with no pads. And then right before the season starts, they give us our pads and we all show up on like a Sunday morning to get pads. And he showed up with his girlfriend, a baby in one arm. He had a baby. Yes. We're 14 freshman year.

[C]

Yeah. Already has the kids.

[B]

We're not even officially freshmen. School starts tomorrow and he's already got like a couple month old baby. And I. I swear to you, I don't know if it's my smoking over it. I think he. Over it. I think he had a cigarette in his. I think he had a dart and he. And we were all just like over the kids feet.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And we were just dumbfounded that this guy, like no one's even touched our.

[C]

Might not even have kids. You know what I mean?

[B]

He's got a baby and he just. I remember he just left. He had the, his girlfriend hold the baby, and then he got his Pads. And he had a cigarette, and he's like, see you later, fellas. And we're like, what a man. That guy was in changes in the same locker room with us.

[C]

Was he like a stud on the team?

[B]

He was really good. He played. So I got this wrong in the joke I told about him. I thought he played D line. He actually played O line. And he didn't make grades. So halfway into the season, if you don't have a 2.0 GPA, you don't get to stay on the team. He had a 0.5 GPA. I remember they announced, he's got a kid.

[C]

He's got a kid, for Christ's sake. He's got a family. He's 14 with a family. The fact that it's not a zero is impressive, I'm gonna be honest. So a grown man with a family, for Christ's sake, let's cut him.

[B]

That's so true. I didn't think about that at the time. So they. He had one game left, and he begged the coach, hey, I've always wanted to be a running back. Let me. Let me just run the ball. One series. And they let him. And he scored a touchdown. It took 10 plays, but he just kept mowing kids over. And the play that I remember, he ran one up the sideline where we were, and this kid comes to tackle him. He jukes him, but then clotheslines him, knocks his helmet off, like. And he got a rough and, like, unnecessary roughness penalty for. Knock it. For hitting the tackler. And I was just like, what a. What a man. Like, you know, there was a lot going on. Yeah. And I never saw him after that. He probably dropped out. I don't know if he changed schools, dropped out of school, whatever.

[C]

To be in a family. A dad.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. He's doing his own thing. So, anyway, I did this story about him a few months ago, and I posted online, and it got a good amount of views, and a bunch of people reached out saying, I know that guy. And then his son. No. Left a comment. The baby. The baby who is now how old? 20. Now, like, that's 20 years. That's over 20 years ago. That kid's probably 22, 23. He left a comment.

[C]

Asthma from the cigarettes. Got asthma for that secondhand cigarette. He really commented.

[B]

He left a comment saying, that's my dad he's talking about, and I'm the baby.

[C]

That's crazy. I was like, wow, there's a great story. I'm just a. Obviously a Ravens fan. And Ed Reed, the greatest safety of all time, Baltimore Raven.

[B]

He.

[C]

When he played at the University of Miami, similar situation happened where a guy came with a baby and the guy wasn't gonna be able to play.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, he's got a baby. He's like, I got a kid. I don't have anybody to watch this baby. Whatever. Ed Reed set up a babysitting schedule with the whole team. Whoa. Yep. The whole team helped take care of this baby. You're gonna watch him tonight while he does this class and this. And made sure the baby was safe and taken care of. And that guy could still play at University of Miami.

[B]

What a good guy.

[C]

Wish you guys would have done that for this kid.

[B]

I know. We were. We were scared. You know, he could have scared us into watching his kid.

[C]

He could have.

[B]

Yeah. We were. We were 14. We didn't know anything.

[C]

So you have a younger brother?

[B]

Yeah, I got a. 13 years apart, so he's 25.

[C]

Is this with the El Salvadorian?

[B]

Yeah. So he's half Hungarian, half El Salvadorian, which is a. That's not a mix you hear about.

[C]

I was going to say.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's a fusion restaurant.

[C]

And what was that like when you. So how old are you when he's born?

[B]

13.

[C]

You're 13? So.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What. What's that like when you find out that's happening because you're old enough to know everything going on there.

[B]

Yeah. Well, it's. It was weird being the only child for the first 13 years and then nobody cares about you. Like, that's so weird.

[C]

You're going into high school and it's like, enough of your ass.

[B]

Yeah. And so I think I'd be.

[C]

God, your brother could. Hung out with.

[B]

I could have brought.

[C]

They could have been in daycare together, bro. You guys could have definitely set up a babysitting thing for your brother and his son. They're the same age.

[B]

I could have if. If I did. If I didn't look like such a dork.

[C]

You could have brought him. Yeah. You could have been like, oh, my God, I'm not the only dad on the team. You could have done it, dude.

[B]

But people would have looked at me and, like, no way he got laid.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It just wouldn't. It. I just wouldn't fit the demeanor of someone that could get laid at that age.

[C]

That's a good point.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Not only get made laid, but just produce a child. Yeah, that's man.

[B]

That's real man stuff. Do you even know how that works? Good God.

[C]

Oh, fuck.

[B]

Okay, but Yeah. I got a younger brother and he's. It was interesting. Like, the woman that raised me and the woman that raised my brother is two very different women because the age differs. So, like, I wasn't raised with all this, like, healthy eating and healthy stuff. And my brother was. And I remember when he became, like, puberty age, my mom was all holistic. So she was into the holistic deodorants that don't work.

[C]

That don't work.

[B]

Yeah. And my brother was stinking, and I was like, what do you do? You don't wear deodorant. I was like, what do you wear? And he showed me. I'm like, this doesn't work. He goes, I'm aware. And he's like, I get picked on at school. So for a few years there, I was smuggling deodorant into my brother's room at my mom's trailer, going, like, here? Yes. Like, the real stuff. And I go, hide this under your pillow. And he had to. He had to, like a drug dealer. I'm bringing in deodorants for my brother. So it was. That was the thing I really noticed about the age difference between my mom and I or my brother and I is like, that we were raised by the same lady who is also very different for both of us. Yeah. Very accepting, very loving to both of us, but super sweet to him. And I got. I got like the Eastern European Hungarian lady. Yeah. That was like, no, non. No nonsense. Very sweet and fun, but at the same time, no nonsense. And then my brother just. It looked like a vacation. I was so jealous.

[C]

I'm like, how old was your mom when she had him?

[B]

37.

[C]

So she was young when she had you then?

[B]

Yeah, she was 23, 24 when I was born.

[C]

Did that ever pop back up in the picture?

[B]

No, no, no. About that.

[C]

On your honeydew, bro.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have any memories of him, but yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He never popped back around. I hope. I. I assume I have a bunch of, like, half brothers and sisters, I would imagine. Yeah, yeah. The gypsy musician floating around. Yeah, I agree. There should be a caravan of people.

[C]

Probably with half my bunch of relatives.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Show up at your show over there. They're coming to your show, bro. That's where you're gonna meet them.

[B]

I come from. I'm trying to get my mom to come to Hungary, and she doesn't want to travel anywhere. I'm like, you gotta come. I'm doing a show in Budapest. You gotta come. And then she was gonna come and then the last time I saw her, she's. I'm not coming. I go, what happened? She goes, your godfather, he's alcoholic, drug addict. He's like. I start. She's like. I started talking to him. He has no teeth and he's broke. And my mom goes, you. You need teeth. So he's like. She's like, I found a dentist. I'm gonna pay the dentist. Put some teeth in your mouth. And he's like, ah, that's so nice of you. And then like three days later, he calls up and goes, can you just give me the money?

[C]

Of course.

[B]

And my mom was so upset by this. She's like. Like, I'm not coming to Hungary because I don't want to run into these people. And I go, my stupid godfather just wanted the cash instead of.

[C]

You wanted the drugs.

[B]

Yeah, he wants the. He wants the sauce and whatever he's into. And it pissed my mom, these teeth. It pissed my mom off so bad. She's like, I'm not coming. I was like. So I got a few more months to try to talk her back into it.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Yeah, we're going to try.

[C]

Well, dude, this was great. Thank you for doing this.

[B]

Oh, thank you.

[C]

I appreciate you coming on. One more time. Promote it all right there.

[B]

Brand new special on YouTube. London fog. Please watch on your TV. And I'm on tour. The worldwide ish tour 2026 Zoltan comedy dotcom for the tickets.

[C]

Thank you for coming on. Watch his special. Watch my special live in a live stream now on YouTube as well on your TV. And we'll talk to you all next week.

[D]

Okay? It's kind of embarrassing how bad I am at budgeting.

[A]

Let me see your charges.

[D]

Ugh, fine.

[A]

You spent over $600 on takeout last month.

[D]

I can't cook. You know this.

[A]

Yes, I have had your disgusting food, but you're literally paying for a meal subscription on top of that.

[D]

Whoa, wait, wait, that can't be right.

[A]

Look, just get Rocket Money. It shows you all of your expenses in one place and even tracks your subscriptions. And if there's a subscription you don't want, which for you, there are a lot you don't need, you can just cancel right in the app with a few taps.

[D]

So you mean I don't have to call anyone to cancel? Nope.

[A]

No hold times or anything. And they'll even try to get you a refund on some of the months of wasted money, which is a lot of money for you.

[D]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

And if you thought I was Done. I'm not. The app can also help you make a budget that works for your income. Anytime you get close to your spending limits, it alerts you so you know exactly where your money is going at all times.

[D]

Alright, I'm in. What do I have to do?

[A]

Go to RocketMoney.com cancel or download the app from the Apple or Google Play stores.

[B]

You're tuned into Auto intelligence live from.

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