65: The Wayback #65 | Nick Swardson

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Wayback #65 | Nick Swardson

Release Date: March 27, 2025

Host: Ryan Sickler
Guest: Nick Swardson

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Introduction

In Episode 65 of "The Wayback with Ryan Sickler," host Ryan Sickler welcomes back comedian Nick Swardson for a nostalgic and humorous conversation. The episode delves into Nick's childhood misadventures, high school antics, favorite TV shows, family dynamics, and memorable experiences growing up in Minnesota. Through engaging storytelling and laughter, Ryan and Nick transport listeners back to the good old days, reflecting on both the fun and the chaos of their youth.

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Childhood and Family Adventures

Nick Swardson opens up about his early years, reminiscing about his family's lime green Chevy Caprice wagon with brown seats—a quintessential family vehicle in his household. He shares a humorous yet embarrassing story from his childhood:

Nick Swardson (04:06): "So I was hiding in the car, rolled down the window a crack, and I light a bottle rocket to shoot at another house. It went off so fast and blew a hole in our station wagon seat. When we went out, my dad noticed the burnt hole, but I had no idea it was me. Funny how kids think they can get away with things, but clearly, they can’t be the first suspects."

This anecdote highlights the typical childhood experimentation and the inevitable consequences that come with youthful curiosity.

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High School Mischief and School Life

The conversation shifts to Nick's high school years, where he candidly discusses his reputation as a troublemaker. From prank devices to classroom antics, Nick recalls various escapades:

Nick Swardson (12:40): "In social studies class, I threw an apple at the blackboard like a baseball. It exploded everywhere, and when Mr. Greener saw it, he was like, 'Who did this?' It was clearly me, but I acted oblivious."

Ryan adds his own experiences, mentioning his twin brother and their shared Dodge Aspen station wagon, which they used to chauffeur neighborhood kids to school—a testament to their mischievous spirits:

Ryan Sickler (09:57): "We had a 1977 Dodge Aspen station wagon with wood paneling on the side. That was our high school car. We would pick up the whole neighborhood and take everybody to school every morning."

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Favorite TV Shows and Pop Culture

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to nostalgic TV shows that defined Nick's and Ryan’s formative years. Nick expresses his love for "Three's Company," praising John Ritter's performance:

Nick Swardson (14:30): "Three's Company was one of my favorite shows. John Ritter was the glue of the whole thing. I was obsessed with it during my high school years."

Ryan concurs, sharing mutual appreciation for the show's humor and iconic moments:

Ryan Sickler (15:00): "Richard played by John Ritter was hilarious, pretending to be gay to live with two women. The comedy was unmatched."

They also discuss other classics like "Cheers," highlighting its blend of humor and serious themes:

Nick Swardson (16:29): "I loved 'Cheers' because it mixed comedy with serious moments. Jim Brooks and Norman Lear did a great job balancing both."

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Family Reunions and Dynamics

The topic of family reunions brings a mix of humor and poignancy. Nick describes his extensive family gatherings in the Midwest, emphasizing the camaraderie despite the occasional drama:

Nick Swardson (19:59): "We would gather in Missouri or Michigan, have around 25 to 30 people. It was super fun and very Midwest, Scandinavian."

Contrastingly, Ryan shares a more somber family dynamic, where reunions were rare due to frequent losses:

Ryan Sickler (21:23): "In my family, we didn't really have family reunions because everyone was dying so young. We would see each other at funerals non-stop."

This exchange underscores the varying family experiences and the importance of cherishing moments with loved ones.

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Sports and Extracurricular Activities

Sports play a notable role in both Ryan’s and Nick's lives. Nick reminisces about his high school sports, particularly soccer and tennis, which he excelled in:

Nick Swardson (24:23): "I was good at soccer and tennis. I played soccer in high school with a really good team, the Minute Men."

Ryan shares his own athletic experiences, highlighting the shared enthusiasm for sports during their school years:

Ryan Sickler (09:57): "We take everybody to school. That's exactly what it looked like. We had three in the front, four in the back..."

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Sneaking Out and Teenage Exploration

The duo delves into the rebellious side of their youth, discussing sneaking out and the adventures that ensued. Nick recounts sneaking out to meet friends or boys, illustrating the thrill and the realities of teenage rebellion:

Nick Swardson (29:47): "My older sister would get me to sneak out because she was meeting a boy. It just felt cool being out, even if it was boring."

Ryan adds his own tales of sneaking out, emphasizing the common teenage desire for independence and the humorous mishaps that follow:

Ryan Sickler (29:34): "My sister would get me to go sneak out. It was almost like being in a weird jail where you just go out and come back. Nothing crazy, just quiet and boring."

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Winter Memories and Snow Days in Minnesota

Growing up in Minnesota, snow days are a recurring theme filled with both joyous activities and challenges. Nick vividly describes the extreme winters, the fun of tubing and sledding, and the community's resilience:

Nick Swardson (32:14): "Snow days were the best. We would build tunnels in the snow, tube down hills, and just enjoy the winter wonderland despite the bitter cold."

Ryan contrasts this with his experiences in Baltimore, where winters are milder, enriching the conversation with diverse perspectives on seasonal living:

Ryan Sickler (35:24): "We used to have things like snow days handled differently. My Lincoln had issues with freezing doors, so I had to learn to climb in through the hatch."

Their shared and contrasting experiences highlight the unique aspects of growing up in different climates and how environment shapes childhood memories.

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Mischievous Gadgets and Pranks

The conversation takes a playful turn as Ryan shares his childhood experiences with gadgets like the Brookstone Lock Icer:

Ryan Sickler (36:25): "Brookstone sold this thing that looked like a car key remote but was actually a heater. In school, I'd use it to burn people in class, making them shut up."

Nick reacts with amusement and relief that his own school didn't have such dangerous pranks:

Nick Swardson (37:33): "We didn't have that. It's terrible. Good God, that'd be horrible."

This segment underscores the lengths kids go to in pranks and the varying environments of their school experiences.

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Concluding Remarks and Upcoming Projects

As the episode wraps up, Nick shares his current projects and future plans, including his ongoing "Toilet Head" tour and upcoming film roles:

Nick Swardson (37:47): "I'm wrapping up my 'Toilet Head' tour in May and working on filming two scripts I wrote—R-rated crazy comedies. Also, a little role in 'Happy Gilmore 2' is in the works."

Ryan encourages listeners to check out Nick's shows and stay connected through his website and social media:

Ryan Sickler (38:17): "NickSwartz.net for all tour dates. Real Nick Swartz on Instagram for all more information."

The episode concludes with mutual appreciation and a heartfelt farewell, reinforcing the strong camaraderie between host and guest.

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Memorable Quotes

• Nick Swardson (04:06): "I was sitting there, and the bottle rocket just goes, it's so loud, and it blows up a hole in our station wagon. I panicked and had to act clueless."

• Ryan Sickler (09:57): "We take everybody to school. That's exactly what it looked like."

• Nick Swardson (14:30): "Three's Company was one of my favorite shows. John Ritter was the glue of the whole thing."

• Ryan Sickler (21:23): "In my family, we didn't really have family reunions because everyone was dying so young."

• Nick Swardson (24:23): "I was good at soccer and tennis. I played soccer in high school with a really good team, the Minute Men."

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Conclusion

Episode 65 of "The Wayback with Ryan Sickler" offers a delightful journey through Nick Swardson's past, rich with laughter, relatable childhood tales, and reflections on the passage of time. From mischievous acts in high school to enduring friendships and the warmth of family gatherings, Ryan and Nick provide listeners with a heartfelt and entertaining exploration of what it means to look back fondly on one's youth.

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Connect with Nick Swardson:

• Website: nickswartz.net
• Instagram: @nickswartz

Tune in Next Week: For another episode filled with nostalgia, humor, and insightful conversations on "The Wayback with Ryan Sickler."

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Nick Swartzen]

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[Ryan Sickler]

Nashville I'll be back at Zany's Friday, March 28 and Saturday, March 29 with a special guest, Fiona Cauley joining me. Friday, March 28 only come see me run my hour at the world famous Comedy Store before I head to shoot my special at Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin. Come see me Tuesday, April 8th at 8:00pm Madison, Wisconsin. I'm excited to announce I'm shooting my next special at your club, Comedy on State. I was there not too long ago, had such a great time, such a great club. I'm excited to work with them and bring you my next special. Two shows Saturday, April 12th. Get your tickets now@ryan sickler.com. hey, baby, we gonna be here all day. We're gonna be here all day, baby. I like that kind of party. Welcome back to the Way Back. Everybody. Ryan Sickler here starting this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for that you do, the support, anything I do. I genuinely appreciate you guys. And make sure you're checking out our Patreon. We've got two tiers over there right now and you got that bonus one with the Way Back and bonus exclusive content you're not getting anywhere else. All right, guys, very excited to have this guest back here with me today. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Nick Swartz. And welcome to the Way Back, brother. Thank you for being here. Before we get into your nostalgia, you want to just tell everybody anything and everything you want right there at that camera.

[Nick Swartzen]

Sorry, I just. I was obsessed. I'm obsessed with Phil Hartman doing Frankenstein on Saturday.

[Ryan Sickler]

Love, dude.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know Giant Businessman. Yep, I love Giant Businessman.

[Nick Swartzen]

Sorry, Phil Hartman. Weird intro.

[Ryan Sickler]

Rest in peace.

[Nick Swartzen]

That was my fault. Yeah. So, hi, everybody. Good to see you again. Nick swartzen.net for all tour dates. I'm doing a lot of clubs right now to fill in the hole for Toilet Head, my tour that I just am wrapping up in May. So join Me for the tail end of toilet head. Also Nick Swartz. Real Nick Swartzen at Instagram.

[Ryan Sickler]

There it is. Nick Swartz. And this is a show that when we started, I was like, you know who I'd love to get in here is Nick Swartz. And I could. I know you're a nostalgia guy.

[Nick Swartzen]

I thought you're gonna say Jared from Subway. What is that whack a doodle doing right now?

[Ryan Sickler]

So I usually not usually I start this episode off if someone's old enough to have been in one or remember one. But this seat right here is the seat that was in the back of the wagon that fits face traffic that dangerous. Best seat in the house, the way back. Did you ever ride in one of these?

[Nick Swartzen]

Of course you did.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did your family own a wagon? Of course you did. What did you guys have?

[Nick Swartzen]

We had a Chevy. It was the most peen vomit color. And this. The seats were tan.

[Ryan Sickler]

Was it a Chevy? Was it a Caprice?

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, it sounds about right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Classic. Look up the Caprice wagon. A lot of people had this one.

[Nick Swartzen]

They lime green. It was pretty vomitus.

[Ryan Sickler]

Go top left.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, we didn't have the, the wood paneling though. We didn't go full gris walled over here.

[Ryan Sickler]

There you go.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, that. That felt those rims. Yeah, not those rims.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hit images for a second.

[Nick Swartzen]

Kirsten hit Swarton Disaster Mobile.

[Ryan Sickler]

Look at that one there.

[Nick Swartzen]

Right there. It was a little darker, but yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you've got a family of what, five rocking in this thing? Four of you. Mom, Dad, 55.

[Nick Swartzen]

55 Swartz. Yeah, no, we. I had two older brothers or. No, I had a older brother, older sister. And so yeah, we had that lime green station wagon with brown seats. And I remember. I'm sharing, we'll talk about fireworks. We had talked about that earlier, but I remember. I don't know why kids are so weird and I don't know. So I was like probably 8 years old, maybe 9. And I was bored. And when you're bored at that age, back in the 80s when you. There was no phones or, you know, iPhones, whatever. So I was like, okay, well, I had some bottle rockets. So I went and I was hiding in the car in our station wagon and I undid, like rolled down the window and you would roll down a window a crack and I would. I would light bottle rockets and shoot them out at the other houses and.

[Ryan Sickler]

Cars from your driveway.

[Nick Swartzen]

Like you're laying in your car. Not in the driveway, like on the street. Car was parked. So I'M sitting there, and a car. I see a car by myself. And so I said, I don't know what I'm thinking. Like, it's just dumb. So anyway, a car is coming down the street. I see it, I take the bottle rocket, I light it. And the wicks are real fast, those little wicks. And so I don't have time. I didn't point it out yet. So, like, I was gonna light it and then point it. So I light it and it goes. And it goes so fast, and I panic and I let it go in the car. So the fucking bottle rocket, as I'm sitting there, just goes. It's so loud in this tiny space. And it blows up on the seat. It just goes and burns a fucking hole in the seat of our family station wagon. And I'm like, oh, my God. I get up, my ears are like, so I can't hear anything. I'm, like, walking around. I'm like, oh, my God. Don't tell anybody. And then when we go out to dinner or whatever we were doing the next adventure, my dad's like, what the hell is this? And he points to the hole, is a burnt hole. And everybody was like, I don't know. And he's like, what? What's going, Nick? And I'm like, I had no idea. And he's like, well, how did this. And my dad was a smoker.

[Ryan Sickler]

How big's the hole, too? Give me.

[Nick Swartzen]

It's not massive, the bottle rock.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, it's big enough. A nickel.

[Nick Swartzen]

It's big. I would say a dime.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right.

[Nick Swartzen]

And I'm like, I don't know. And I go, well, you. You know, maybe it's a cigarettes you smoke. And he goes, I don't smoke in the back seat. And I was like, oh, yeah? I don't know, maybe somebody smoked. Or like, I just kind of got out of it because they couldn't prove anything, but it was real suspect. On the same note, this is again back to me being a idiot.

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Nick Swartzen]

So again, probably same age. So I get away with this. You know what I mean? I'm full on OJ at this point. I got away with it. Got away with it. Then I double down on being a fucking moron. So I'm sitting there in the front lawn of our home, and my dad had just bought an old BMW, like a used BMW. It was red, and he was so proud of it. So I just decided. I was like. I was throwing rocks in the air. Throwing rocks. We own balls, like baseballs and stuff. So I'm throwing a rock in the air and I throw it really high and it veers off and lands right on the hood of my dad's BMW. Does a whole dent, like little. Like, not a dent, but like a dent. Like a little, like, divot. And I just never copped to that either. And he doesn't see it. He had no idea. No, but there was just a thing that, you know, he didn't think that his son would be a genius enough to just throw rocks in the air. It was just dumb. What a dumb.

[Ryan Sickler]

My brother used to try to get away with shit. He was the more of the hellion between the two of us. I have a twin brother, so we had to share our car. We had a 1977 Dodge Aspen station wagon with wood paneling on the side. That was our high school car. That was our ride.

[Nick Swartzen]

You guys would share it.

[Ryan Sickler]

We'd pick up the whole neighborhood and take everybody to school. If you were on the way, we're like, nick, we're coming. We got you. Really? Every morning.

[Nick Swartzen]

Oh, that's great.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sickler brothers are taking everybody school. It was. That's 100% what it looked like. The. The hubcaps are a little different, but that's exactly what we. We take everybody to school everybody. That's exactly what it looked like. And I mean we'd have three in the front, four in the back and then couple in the way back, back there, you know, but we fold it down so we could get more people to lay in it, you know what I mean?

[Nick Swartzen]

You ever do a couple drive bys? Maybe take a couple other families?

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what we used to do? We used to drive by. So my mom was cheating on my dad with this old man.

[Nick Swartzen]

No, that's not true.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, it was true.

[Nick Swartzen]

With an old dude. How, how old was your mom? Sixteen at the, at the time.

[Ryan Sickler]

My mom's 77 now. I'd have been about 10.

[Nick Swartzen]

Oh, I wish you had said that. She was 77 when she was cheating with an old man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Two hundred year olds at the time. This dude was old.

[Nick Swartzen]

Okay, that is old.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's a up situation. So we hate this guy, you know, and we used to have the water balloon launchers, you know the slingshot, of course, where you'd grab one and I grab one and somebody in the middle fires a thing.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

We would drive by his house at midnight, late at night and we'd fire balloons down at it and we would hear glass break all the time. Then we just heard haul ass. And I mean, you knew who it was. There's nobody else is driving around it. We're in a station wagon, a very identifiable station wagon with a bunch of high school kids.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, your station wagon. That was dumb of you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, but we did.

[Nick Swartzen]

That's the kind of horrible crimes like that. It's funny when you're like shitty kids in the neighborhood and you, you can't get away with anything. It's clearly you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, clearly.

[Nick Swartzen]

Like when I would do shit in high school and junior high, it was clearly me. I remember when I was in social studies class and I was with my friend Adam Landvik and we were just hellcats, just terrible. And my teacher went out to like talk to another teacher and I went and he had an apple on his desk and I went and threw it like a baseball in the middle of all the stuff he had written on the blackboard. And I threw it like a baseball and it just exploded. It was apple everywhere and stuck to the fucking blackboard. And then I went and sat down. All the other kids are like, oh my God. And he comes back in and I, I'll never forget this, Mr. Greener. And he sees the blackboard and all the apple everything and he just goes, what in the. Literally said what in the fuck? And he's like, who? And it was so clear, like, what? Oh, yeah. No. Domestic terrorists came in and threw an apple and ran out.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's your high school? Is this it?

[Nick Swartzen]

St. Paul Central?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, that's a good poll, Kirsten.

[Nick Swartzen]

But yeah, if it's because I just posted on my Instagram and I'll throw.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Does it still look like this?

[Nick Swartzen]

I think so, yeah. School. It's a prison.

[Ryan Sickler]

It does look a little.

[Nick Swartzen]

It was full of hellcats. But yeah. My point being is it's funny when you think you are getting away with things and it's clearly you're the first person.

[Ryan Sickler]

What was. What was it that got you into fireworks?

[Nick Swartzen]

I mean, did a cousin.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I mean? Like, where'd you first get one guy?

[Nick Swartzen]

I saw them and I was like, I want to make that.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm talking about the little ones at home and cherry bombs.

[Nick Swartzen]

Oh, dude. I mean, yeah, it's. There's always a. A shittier older kid that starts all the shitty things.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you guys do like.

[Nick Swartzen]

I loved it all.

[Ryan Sickler]

Roman candle fight, everything. Just firing them at each other. Something we used to do. You may give me flashbacks. We used to take little Star wars action figures, GI Joes. And we. We tape like 10 bottle rockets to it and then light it off to send them up and then it will blow the figure up in the air.

[Nick Swartzen]

I love that.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was great.

[Nick Swartzen]

All of that stuff. I loved it. I remember my grandma, it was her hundredth birthday and we put a hundred Roman candles on her cake and lit them off and she fucking died. Her whole party at her old folks home, burned alive. Yeah, it was beautiful. It was what she, I think would have wanted. She was screaming, but I think she. I think I heard her say, God bless us all, everyone. I think I heard her say that. But it could have. It could have just been. It could have been that, but I don't know. We'll never know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your high school. Before we talked about it, you mentioned something about Three's Company and you. I wanted to hear this story. So what about Three's Company?

[Nick Swartzen]

I think I still have the tardiness record at my junior high, middle school, and possibly high school. I bet you I still do. That's something I'll look up, but I remember Three's Company was one of my favorite shows, if you don't know it. It was a sitcom back 70s and it was starring John Ritter. Legend, Icon worship, that guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can we also say we had Don Knots at one point?

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, but John Ritter guy was the glue of the Whole thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Richard did it as if he was gay. To live with these two ladies.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah. The premise of the show is a guy who could live in this building with these two beautiful women only. Yeah, only if he's gay. So he pretends to be gay, but he's really loves women. Yeah, but he pretends to be gay and he's a baker, chef. And it's to comedy ensues. It's, it's, it's. I can't talk about it enough. John Ritter is such a legend.

[Ryan Sickler]

Holds up, there's no doubt.

[Nick Swartzen]

Also, his son Jason is a phenomenal actor. Great, great guy to love him very much. So shout out to Jason. So I was so obsessed with Three's Company and it only came on because I grew up in the 80s and 90s, so it only came on in my high school years. They would rerun it starting at one in the morning and they would play it until four.

[Ryan Sickler]

I.

[Nick Swartzen]

And I. I would watch it. Every time I didn't want to fucking watch it, I would cave and watch it and I would watch until 4 and then I would get an hour of sleep. I mean, that was if I made it to school, but otherwise I would just sleep in. And then I was late constantly. But it was because of Three's Company throughout my. Most of my high school years that I was late.

[Ryan Sickler]

You have this record because of that.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, me and my friends, Nora, she was a good friend, that we were obsessed with it. We had Three's Company trading cards, Regal Beagle. Yeah, all of it.

[Ryan Sickler]

What other shows were you watching growing up? How old are you now?

[Nick Swartzen]

I'm 48. Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

What were you watching?

[Nick Swartzen]

Well, I just did shows in Boston and I went to the Cheers bar.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Nick Swartzen]

And I took Instagram, Real Nick Swartz and at Instagram, and I took a video out in front of Cheers and I went down and went to the gift shop and bought shirts and stuff. I loved Cheers. Cheers was great. I love it because back in those days, Jim Burrows and Norman Lear, they were so good at mixing comedy with also. With Also getting serious too.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah.

[Nick Swartzen]

So there were serious episodes, which I always love. I always think it's really cool when sitcoms, you know, have moments where you're.

[Ryan Sickler]

When different strokes had to.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, all those deadly.

[Ryan Sickler]

That got molested.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah. Dudley got touched.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dudley got touched on Different Strokes.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah. But there were a lot of those like that that, you know, and it was always dramatic where it was like, oh, tune in next week.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, we had a lot of. Back then Dudley.

[Nick Swartzen]

But, yeah, Facts of Life.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let me ask you this tune in. We talk about a lot of like we had this guy called Captain Chesapeake. He was a morning TV show in Maryland. Did you guys have local Minnesota morning shows that were like big when you grew up? This episode of the Way Back is brought to you by booking.com the official accommodation partner of MLB. Booking.com booking. Yeah, it's officially spring, which means we'll finally be coming out of hibernation mode and traveling around the US much more frequently. Whenever I'm traveling in the US I like to check out booking.com with their wide variety of stays, booking.com makes it easy for you to find and book the right stay for you. No matter if you're looking for a cozy vacation home, a five star hotel, or a cabin out in the woods. Spring also marks the beginning of baseball season, which I couldn't be more excited about. And guess what? Booking.com is the official accommodation partner of MLB. When I go to a ball game, one of the best parts is when the whole stadium sings a song we all know and love together. We have an extra special version of that song for you today. Take me out to the ocean, Take me out to the sand Buy me some popcorn and road trip snacks. I don't care if I ever come back. So it's booked.

[Nick Swartzen]

Book.

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Nick Swartzen]

We had Tom Bernard on kq. That was our morning radio. What about is a very good friend tv.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you guys have Romper Room? Did you have Romper Room? Do you remember? You remember Romper Room?

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, I didn't. Buddy. We didn't have romper.

[Ryan Sickler]

Romper Room was a weird one we just talked about.

[Nick Swartzen]

I don't remember morning TV during the week. I remember it during.

[Ryan Sickler]

You didn't have great space coaster.

[Nick Swartzen]

Oh yeah. Was that four schools?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, you.

[Nick Swartzen]

If you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hey listen, if you were catching any of that, you were probably running late to school to great space coaster.

[Nick Swartzen]

Rager. Dude, I didn't get up early to watch that nonsense.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's talk about family reunions. This is something I don't think anybody's really come on and talked about. Family did.

[Nick Swartzen]

I love family reunion.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it a swartz and family reunion or what is it swords? Something else. You got a big family reunion, you got a big family?

[Nick Swartzen]

Pretty big, yeah. Where do you guys have all? In the Midwest, yearly? Midwest is the best. No, we would do it every. Weirdly, there was a point where it was every four years and then it was every like two, and then it was every year because that's what's up.

[Ryan Sickler]

What up. God, you all did it though. Would you look forward to it or were you like. Nah.

[Nick Swartzen]

No, I love time. Yeah, it was great.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what would you do? Give me an example of one.

[Nick Swartzen]

We would go to the local sex club. No, I'm kidding. No, we would find like a place, you know, it was usually in Missouri because that was kind of equidistant to everybody. And then, you know, maybe like Michigan or something. But we would go in like a lake house. One time we did a houseboat and that was fun. We would do stuff like that. And it was always in the summer.

[Ryan Sickler]

How many people were coming?

[Nick Swartzen]

I mean, probably I would say at its peak, maybe 30.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn, that's nice.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, 25 to 30. Yeah. All my cousins and stuff. Yeah, it was super fun and it was like hot Midwest.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, it wasn't anything like that.

[Nick Swartzen]

A little drama. Nothing crazy though. It was all pretty, you know, very Midwest. Scandinavian. All right, how are you? Good to see you. Where's the alcohol? So, yeah, we never.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, everyone was dying so young in my family. We never really had family reunions. Everyone would see, we joked about it, but we would see each other at funerals non stop. There was no reason to have a family reunion. But one time I go home to visit my aunt Marguerite. I go back to Maryland to visit. She's living in Baltimore. And I go over to see her and she goes, you know, there's a family reunion this weekend. I go, nah. She goes, yeah, it's in Trenton, New Jersey. We're going to drive up, you should come. And I go, I'm here, I'll go. So we all roll up to Trenton, New Jersey, and it's the demo side of my family, my grandmom and dad's people and all these people over here, and we're having a good time, whatever. And then they start doing wards at the end of it. They're like, you know, person who, whatever person who would. Oldest person hears, aunt, whatever. Then they go. Person who traveled the farthest to be here. Well, I'm not supposed to be there. I have an RSVP or anything. I just roll up with everybody. My Aunt Marguerite goes, california. California. And they're like, what? And someone else is like, texas. And she's like, california's way farther than Texas. And they're like, ah. And I can tell that they reluctantly give me this. It's a trophy. It's like a soccer player trophy. They were butthurt, but luckily reluctantly gave it to me. Okay. And I could see them whispering and talking the whole time.

[Nick Swartzen]

That's really, like, funny, Marguerite.

[Ryan Sickler]

They did not want to give. She goes, I know they didn't want to give it to you, but they had to give it to you. At the end of the reunion, they come over to me and they go, is there any way we could get that trophy back? We'd actually like to engrave it and send it to you. And I said, sure. And I never fucking saw that.

[Nick Swartzen]

Oh, my.

[Ryan Sickler]

Gave it to that person who was.

[Nick Swartzen]

Supposed to go to a. Originally.

[Ryan Sickler]

So whoever came from Texas got my trophy.

[Nick Swartzen]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Sickler]

They weren't counting on my ass to be there.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah. The next time you saw him, it was at their funeral. I'm like, I'll take that. Yep. Take it back. Then you. Did they give out awards at the funerals at that point?

[Ryan Sickler]

No, we did have. I've talked about it. My first album, we legit had a family death pool going for a while. Because we're like, it's. This is absurd. It's just one after the other.

[Nick Swartzen]

What was the main cause?

[Ryan Sickler]

All heart. Heart disease, clots, all this stuff.

[Nick Swartzen]

It was all heart.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's all physical. All physical heart. My dad, when I was 16. His mother a few years after that at 20. I'm a cousin of ours. Another one. Another. My other grandma, just bang, bang, bang. They're all going. And we're like, good God. It was a run, bro. It was a run for a minute.

[Nick Swartzen]

That's awful. I'm sorry.

[Ryan Sickler]

Tell me about sports. Growing up. Were you a sports kid? I know you like sports. Did you play?

[Nick Swartzen]

Was your favorite song. Another One Bites the Dust. Growing up, you just got so. Every funeral, every year.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was yearly, at least.

[Nick Swartzen]

You wouldn't even get a call. You just answer the phone. Hello. That would be a great one. Another one. But, oh, who now? Just. They just stopped even saying who it was. What'd you ask me? Sports.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sports. I know you're a sport fan. Did you play growing up?

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, I played. I played everything up until the point where you just have to realize that some of them are not going.

[Ryan Sickler]

This thing Gonna be for.

[Nick Swartzen]

It's not. I'm not gonna be. What was the center of my basketball team?

[Ryan Sickler]

What were you good at?

[Nick Swartzen]

I was good at soccer and tennis were my two big ones. Yeah. Tennis. I loved. Love soccer.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Nick Swartzen]

Always. Did you play high school? Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You did?

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, we were serious. We. We had a really good team.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's your mascot?

[Nick Swartzen]

Minute Men.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you're the Minute Men.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah. I don't even.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's not even.

[Nick Swartzen]

Really. It's not.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's not. It's too much.

[Nick Swartzen]

I don't even know. Yeah, I don't even know.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know. Military guy with a bayonet and isn't a Minute Man.

[Nick Swartzen]

I don't know, actually. Did they have logo? Yeah, but it was just like, a dude smoking a cigarette.

[Ryan Sickler]

Smoking a cigarette. Look up, Minute Man.

[Nick Swartzen]

Oh, yeah, That's. That was us. That's it. That's how we dress.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's a minute. That's how we dressed.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you were soccer in high school. Anything else?

[Nick Swartzen]

What else would. No.

[Ryan Sickler]

You didn't play any other sports in high school?

[Nick Swartzen]

I played soccer and tennis.

[Ryan Sickler]

And were you. You say you were good.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah. And then. I know I was too small for football and then basketball. I, like, kind of dabbled through junior high, but. And then I played baseball a little bit, but not in high school. I just struggling.

[Ryan Sickler]

You wrestled, too?

[Nick Swartzen]

You look like a. I did wrestle a little bit.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Nick Swartzen]

But I only did because my buddy talked me into it.

[Ryan Sickler]

These are you guys right here.

[Nick Swartzen]

Well, wait, so is a Patriot what the Patriots are?

[Ryan Sickler]

The Minute Minute man is pretty much a patriot. Yes, it is. But I feel like a Patriot can just be a patriotic person. I feel like Minutemen have a gun. I don't know why I'm. I'm wrong a lot, Nick Swartzen, but I feel like that might be the difference. That guy does not have a gun, does he? In his pants? Yeah, for sure.

[Nick Swartzen]

Who is that? Brennan Chau. Kidding. Brendan, I love you. Oh.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh. Sneaking out. Let's talk about this now. How old are you and where. What's the.

[Nick Swartzen]

That was. The most exciting thing when you were growing up was sneaking out.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you doing it out of your house or staying over at friends and sneaking out? Yeah.

[Nick Swartzen]

I mean, when you're sitting at somebody else's house, you're the first one to be like, let's get the out here. And then they have to be like, but what if mom wakes up, you know, with the gun? But, yeah, so that was the thing. And, like, also seeing how late you could stay up if you could stay awake throughout the night.

[Ryan Sickler]

Remember that? Staying awake till the sun came up. If you could do that.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, yeah, I remember. I remember this not that long ago where I would do little shows for my friends so like we would have sleepovers. I was such a little wackadoodle job. So like I was always weird and wacky and they would always laugh at me and they would always be like, do like a thing. So I would do little bits. Like I would do like a bit with the blanket. I'd be like super nun. And I would like pretend to be like a non superhero. I remember I did that. My friend Ben Bohr's house. And I still talk to all these guys. Mark Parisian, so good friend of mine, Dagan Martin was there and we would, I would do these skits and then I'd be like, okay, you guys do one. And they were like, now you just keep going. Because they didn't know what to do. But I remember my grade school yearbook. All these kids and they didn't even know how to spell the word comedian. But they would write, you know, it would all be butchered. So like a K or something. But all these kids were like, someday you'll be a comedian.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, that's pretty funny.

[Ryan Sickler]

That is pretty funny.

[Nick Swartzen]

Back then when I was, you know, I was 12 years old.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right, so walk me through sneaking out of your room or your house. How do you do it? Here's like, are you, do you go right out the front door because your parents are deep sleepers or you got to sneak out a window? A basement. How do you get out? You know what time it is? It's time for a fresh approach to dog food. And that's where the farmer's dog comes in. Developed by board certified nutritionist, the farmer's dog is human grade dog food that's made with real meat and veggies and gently cooked to preserve nutrients. They take the guesswork out of serving sizes. The pre portion packs are simple to serve and ensure your dog is eating the right amount to keep them healthy and thriving. Plus, the farmer's dog delivers right to your do, automatically sending you new food as soon as you're running low. And they have 24. 7 customer support with real people. Because sometimes you have a burning question about your dog's food at 2am Princess Lily Rose here loves her farmer's dog. I love it too. It comes in little pre portion packs like we mentioned. Her name is on it. She loves the chicken, loves the turkey. Beef's good, too, but chicken and turkey are her favorite. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food@the farmersdog.com wayback. Plus, you get free shipping. Just go to the farmersdog.com wayback to get 50 off. That's the farmersdog.com wayback.

[Nick Swartzen]

Let's walk out the door, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Really?

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your parents didn't even know you were gone? Or your mom? You surprised?

[Nick Swartzen]

No. I mean, they were, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

And where are you going when you're sneaking out? What are you doing?

[Nick Swartzen]

I mean, it would depend. My older sister would get me to go sneak out because she would go, like, meet a boy or something down the street or, you know, it was just. For some reason, it just felt cool being out.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Nick Swartzen]

Like, it was almost like, you know, in a weird, like, jail or something where, like, you just go out and you're like, oh, I can't believe I'm out. There's really nothing that crazy. And they just go back in. And you're like, I was out there, man. I saw what it's like. It's just quiet, boring.

[Ryan Sickler]

So cool.

[Nick Swartzen]

It's crazy. I remember me and my friends. I'm sure they remember this. We were at my friend Mark's house and we snuck out and we. We didn't know what marijuana was, but we just knew that it was like a leafy thing. So I remember. So dumb. We took tea and we put it into a coffee grinder because we thought. Or like the. What are those? The paper? The coffee filters?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, coffee.

[Nick Swartzen]

And we rolled it up and smoked it on the golf course. Yeah. We thought it looked like. What, a joint? It was a coffee filter.

[Ryan Sickler]

Holy.

[Nick Swartzen]

And it was horrible and painful and terrible. But we thought it looked like it. Yeah, but it was not it. The effects were terrible.

[Ryan Sickler]

What about vacations, as a family? Do you do them? And if you do, are you driving, are you flying or, you know people.

[Nick Swartzen]

I wasn't on a plane for the first time until I was 19.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where were you going?

[Nick Swartzen]

I went to California to visit my friend Margo. That was my childhood best friend.

[Ryan Sickler]

That was your first flight?

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, that was my first. It was wild.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what's your. Do you remember some family vacations or did you have family?

[Nick Swartzen]

We didn't really do it. We just didn't have the money and we just didn't. Our vacations were the family reunion.

[Ryan Sickler]

That was it.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah. Like, so what.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's a summer day for you in middle school, then?

[Nick Swartzen]

Middle school grades.

[Ryan Sickler]

Summer days.

[Nick Swartzen]

Give me either Grade school was the best.

[Ryan Sickler]

Tell me.

[Nick Swartzen]

And I remember somebody said this quote. I don't know who it was. It was just anonymous, the one I saw. And it was one of the saddest quotes ever. And it said there was a point growing up when you played with your friends for the very last time, and you never realized that that was the last time you played outside with your friends. And that hit me so hard because I never thought about that. There was that one fucking day when everybody from the neighborhood was playing and being fun and crazy, and that was the last time you never thought about it. Never thought about it in that way. So anyway, we're all gonna die, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I know what I want to ask you about, because you're a Minnesota kid. Snow days.

[Nick Swartzen]

Snow days were the best.

[Ryan Sickler]

So we had them, too. I've been teaching my daughter. She's a SoCal kid, so she doesn't even get snow days, so I have to explain her. And I've been doing a whole bit in my stand up about snow days now. But what do you guys do for snow days?

[Nick Swartzen]

Well, it depends upon how much the. How much it snowed. I mean, back then it was insane. You would build. I mean, we're talking, you know, whatever that was, six feet of snow.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Nick Swartzen]

I mean, Minnesota, for God's sake.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Nick Swartzen]

So you could dig tunnels. We were just hamsters.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you doing that? Kind of.

[Nick Swartzen]

I mean, not igloos. That's serious, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, you did.

[Nick Swartzen]

That's.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, I mean, we caught it today.

[Nick Swartzen]

We didn't need homes. We didn't need, like, shelter. We were just having things.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you guys dragging along? Kill our food.

[Nick Swartzen]

Good God. We didn't hunt or anything. No, we were just.

[Ryan Sickler]

You guys weren't having caribou pelts up in your tunnel?

[Nick Swartzen]

We weren't wearing bloody flesh over our dicks. Good God, no. We would make you guys tubing, sledding, all of it. Yeah. And then when you got older, we would still tube, but people were so dumb that, like.

[Ryan Sickler]

And are you tubing being drugged behind that toad or are you down on hills?

[Nick Swartzen]

Down on hills, yeah. And then people would always bring a flask or a bottle, and then they would hit a bump and then go up and then land and smash the bottle in their jacket. And they were all wet and smelled. And then we get a dui and then go to jail and then get stabbed. And it was a whole thing, man. It was fun. Snow days are great snow days, man. Yeah, but. So days were a blessing. And then when it got it got so bad to the point when I was in high school that we didn't have snow days because it didn't snow as much. But we would have cold days where it was so cold and it was rare, but they would call off school because it would be like negative 40.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. That is insane. It was horrible.

[Nick Swartzen]

And you would. You could take a bucket of water. This is real. Walk out in front of your home, throw the bucket in the air of water, and the water would evaporate. It wouldn't even go to the ground. It would just disappear, Just gone.

[Ryan Sickler]

Not freezing.

[Nick Swartzen]

Like some David Blaine. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn.

[Nick Swartzen]

And people would know that. People that are watching from that.

[Ryan Sickler]

I heard Kirsten. Cold.

[Nick Swartzen]

It's real. It's awful. They would tell old people, like, don't leave your house if you're over 80, because if you slip on the ice and fall break your hip, you're just Jack Nicholson from the Shining. Yeah. That's a whole neighborhood you're walking around. All those people just shining.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you making any money shoveling driveways and stuff like that? Did you guys do that?

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you kind of did, but it was. It sucked.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was going to say your snow is legit. Like, you need plows and for that.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah. I mean, driveways, sidewalks. Yeah, you can do sidewalks. But I mean, it's still. It sucked.

[Ryan Sickler]

All the gloves miss winter days. Do you miss living in that cold? I mean, I like to play in it. I don't like to live in it.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah. I don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I mean?

[Nick Swartzen]

It's like having kids. Like, I don't. I can. Like, I don't mind hanging out with my niece and nephew.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Nick Swartzen]

But I don't want to own it. You know what I mean? God awful.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I. We used to. I mean, again, Baltimore does not have the winters you guys have. Rarely.

[Nick Swartzen]

Nobody has the winners.

[Ryan Sickler]

We like the D in Canada and.

[Nick Swartzen]

North Dakota for sure. And South Dakota, my Michigan.

[Ryan Sickler]

I used to have a Honda Civic, a 1990 Honda Civic, original rims. And it would. The doors would freeze and I. Only way to get in my car was through the hatch. It would be the only thing that would pop open and I would be able to climb through it.

[Nick Swartzen]

Well, an evil thing that you actually. I'm not even gonna say, so. I don't want kids to do it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Say it. These kids aren't watching this.

[Nick Swartzen]

Okay. It's just an evil prank to do, is that we would egg cars in the freezing cold and then Saran wrap around them so that it would Freeze. Their doors closed so you couldn't get in. So you egg it and then the eggs would freeze and you would Saran Wrap it and then. Don't do that. Don't do that.

[Ryan Sickler]

We used to have this thing. Remember Brookstone, the store in the mall that had all the gadgets?

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah, totally. Massage chairs and I like Sharper Image. Remember that?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, that was another one. That was another one. Yes. So Brookstone sold this thing back in the day that was just. It looked like a. Like a car key remote today and had a little, you know, metal key that popped up out of it.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

But it was just a metal bar. And it would heat up and you could put that in your door lock and melt the lock so you could get your door open. There you go. Boom. This is it right here. Lock the icer. Here we go. So it just slid up, right? And that little metal. This thing was a heater.

[Nick Swartzen]

How hot would it go?

[Ryan Sickler]

Bro, this is what I was. This is why I'm getting to this. It became a thing in our school where you would sit behind me and I'd have a short sleeve shirt on and I'd be in class and you would fucking fire that thing up and you wouldn't say nothing. It's on the. And you had to shut up. Everyone was doing it to everybody. You had to take it and shut up. The teacher be like, is there a problem back there? Like, no, but I mean, you would burn on the inside. Soft skin. So we would take these and start burning each other.

[Nick Swartzen]

Terrible. Oh, that's. That's so childhood, though. I. I'm so glad we didn't have that. That's terrible.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was gonna say. I figured you guys would have this kind of.

[Nick Swartzen]

No, we didn't. Good God, that'd be horrible.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nick Swartz and this was great, brother.

[Nick Swartzen]

Yeah. The way back, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thanks for having me promote again one more time. Your shows.

[Nick Swartzen]

Nick swartz.net for all tour dates. And then around, hopefully this summer I'll be on set filming two scripts that I wrote that are R rated crazy comedies. So. And then it's coming out. This, I believe soon. Happy Gilmore 2. Yeah, I've got a little part in that. That's awesome.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right, so.

[Nick Swartzen]

And it's exciting.

[Ryan Sickler]

From Face.

[Nick Swartzen]

Make joke from Face is still on YouTube and Amazon, but Toilet had the whole new hours. Still touring the specials in the can. It'll be out.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where are the tickets?

[Nick Swartzen]

Nick swartzen.net There it is. Real Nick Swartzen on Instagram for all more information.

[Ryan Sickler]

Boom. Thank you, brother.

[Nick Swartzen]

Praise.

[Ryan Sickler]

I love you, Nick Swartz.

[Nick Swartzen]

Love you too, Ryan.

[Ryan Sickler]

As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Thank you. We'll talk to you all next week.

[Nick Swartzen]

Step into the world of power, loyalty, and luck. I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. With Finn, Family cannolis and spins mean everything. Now you want to get mixed up.

[Ryan Sickler]

In the family business? Introducing the [e-mail] test your luck in.

[Nick Swartzen]

The shadowy world of the Godfather slot. Someday, I will call upon you to.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do a service for me.

[Nick Swartzen]

Play the godfather [e-mail] welcome to the family. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void. We're prohibited by law. 21/ Terms and Conditions apply.