The Wayback #47 | Craig Conant

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Wayback #47 | Craig Conant

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Wayback with Ryan Sickler
• Host: Ryan Sickler
• Guest: Craig Conant
• Release Date: November 21, 2024
• Description: Ryan Sickler and his guests take a seat in “The Wayback” for a nostalgic, wild ride filled with laughter, fond memories, and a touch of wistful reflection. Buckle up.

---

Introduction

In episode #47 of The Wayback, host Ryan Sickler welcomes stand-up comedian Craig Conant to share a series of wild and nostalgic stories from his youth. The conversation delves into Craig's adventurous childhood, his mischievous antics, encounters with authority, and the pivotal moments that shaped his path toward comedy and sobriety.

---

Childhood Adventures and Misadventures

Building Potato Cannons

The episode kicks off with a vivid recounting of Craig’s early fascination with making potato cannons, a hobby inspired by reading The Anarchist Cookbook. At [03:09], Craig explains, “Potato cannon was one of them. And I had like maybe five different [versions].” He details the construction process using PVC pipes and flammable materials, describing how he and his siblings would shoot potatoes soaked in gasoline towards the police station and neighboring houses.

Notable Quote:

Ryan Sickler [04:14]: "And now, the Wayback Presents. How to Build a Potato with Craig Conant."

Fireworks and Pranks

Craig’s love for fireworks surfaces as he nostalgically recalls lighting sparklers with his niece and nephew ([06:41]). This passion traces back to his childhood, where he was introduced to fireworks by his father at a young age. From selling firecrackers in fourth grade to engaging in elaborate bottle rocket fights, Craig’s stories paint a picture of a rebellious yet creative youngster.

Notable Quote:

Craig Conant [06:49]: "My dad gave them to me at literally kindergarten."

---

Running Afoul of Authority

Firecrackers and Police Encounters

Craig shares a particularly wild incident where he threw firecrackers at police officers on horseback, leading to Assault charges against both the officers and himself ([09:50]). This event not only landed him in trouble but also played a significant role in his decision to get sober. Reflecting on the consequences, Craig remarks, “Out of bad can come something good. That's my message” ([11:46]).

Notable Quote:

Ryan Sickler [10:38]: "What's a charge on a horse? It was assault on a horse."

Craig Conant [10:42]: "That's what I said."

---

Youth Entrepreneurship

Selling Stuffed Animals and Fireworks

Craig's entrepreneurial spirit shines through his ingenious schemes to make money as a child. During family trips to Las Vegas, he and his cousin Lisa would exploit arcade machines to "fish" out stuffed animals and manipulate coin flippers to accumulate extra change ([16:40]). Additionally, they ventured into selling Coronas and Keystone beers by donning signs and approaching construction workers, demonstrating early business acumen mixed with youthful audacity.

Notable Quote:

Craig Conant [17:16]: "And they would still put gum on the end of the coat hanger and pull out all the change from the bottom."

---

Substance Use in Adolescence

Early Alcohol Consumption

Craig candidly discusses his early introduction to alcohol, beginning at age 14. He recounts a harrowing experience of consuming 14 beers and waking up in a puddle of vomit, a moment that underscored the dangers of substance abuse ([29:03]). This episode not only highlights the recklessness of his youth but also sets the stage for his eventual sobriety.

Notable Quote:

Craig Conant [29:03]: "I'm a 14 year old. ... I woke up in a puddle of vomit, face down."

Experimentation with Drugs

The conversation touches upon Craig’s experimentation with psychedelics during high school, including a vivid story of a friend having a severe bad trip at the Rose Bowl ([26:48]). These experiences contributed to his understanding of the perils of substance use and reinforced his commitment to sobriety.

Notable Quote:

Ryan Sickler [27:21]: "I'm punching him in the face."

Craig Conant [27:26]: "I don't think that's happened."

---

High School Experiences

Wild Parties and Pranks

High school years were marked by continued antics, including wild bottle rocket fights and elaborate pranks designed to scare others. Craig describes intense moments where fireworks unpredictably threatened safety, reflecting both the thrill and danger of his actions ([20:11]).

Notable Quote:

Ryan Sickler [20:26]: "Oh yeah. Bottle rockets were a little scary because you always hear the story of some kid in their eye."

Joyriding and Car Crashes

At 15, Craig took his youthful rebellion further by joyriding in his mother’s car, a lemon, and causing intentional crashes into trash cans ([14:06]). Despite the risks, he managed to evade serious consequences, highlighting the era's leniency and his own cunning.

Notable Quote:

Craig Conant [14:25]: "My dad sold me my first car, and it was a lemon."

---

Transition to Comedy and Lessons Learned

From Rebellion to Stand-Up

Craig’s tumultuous youth eventually paved the way for his career in comedy. The series of misadventures, legal troubles, and substance abuse experiences culminated in a turning point where Craig sought solace and purpose in stand-up. His ability to transform chaotic memories into humor underscores his resilience and reflective nature.

Sobriety and Personal Growth

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around how overcoming substance abuse was integral to Craig’s personal and professional growth. He emphasizes that even from his most challenging moments, there was potential for positive change, a message that resonates throughout the episode.

Notable Quote:

Craig Conant [11:46]: "Out of bad can come something good. That's my message."

---

Conclusion

Ryan Sickler and Craig Conant wrap up the episode with mutual appreciation and final anecdotes, reinforcing the theme that even the wildest and most reckless youth can lead to meaningful personal transformation. Craig promotes his comedy tour, inviting listeners to experience his unique blend of humor shaped by his extraordinary life stories.

Notable Quote:

Ryan Sickler [30:19]: "Shout out to your moms, dude."

The episode concludes on a heartfelt note, celebrating the enduring bond between parent and child, and the unconditional support that helped Craig navigate his tumultuous past.

---

Key Takeaways:

• Resilience Through Adversity: Craig’s ability to turn his chaotic childhood and rebellious acts into successful comedic material underscores the power of resilience.
• Impact of Early Experiences: Early exposure to risk-taking behaviors and substance use had profound effects on Craig’s development and career trajectory.
• Humor as Healing: The use of humor to reflect on past mistakes and hardships serves as a therapeutic mechanism for Craig, allowing him to connect with audiences on a deeper level.

Recommended for: Listeners who enjoy candid, humorous, and reflective discussions about overcoming challenges and finding success through unconventional paths.

---

This summary captures the essence of episode #47 of The Wayback with Ryan Sickler and guest Craig Conant, providing an engaging overview of their conversation filled with nostalgic anecdotes, humorous reflections, and insightful lessons.

Transcript

[Libsyn Ads]

Marketing is hard, but I'll tell you a little secret. It doesn't have to be. Let me point something out. You're listening to a podcast right now and it's great. You love the host. You seek it out and download it. You listen to it while driving, working out, cooking, even going to the bathroom. Podcasts are a pretty close companion. And this is a podcast ad. Did I get your attention? You can reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Libsyn Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a pre produced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience audience in their favorite podcasts with Libsyn ads go to Libsynads.com that's L I B S Y N ads.com today.

[Chris Gethard]

Hi, I'm Chris Gethard and I'm very excited to tell you about Beautiful Anonymous, a podcast where I talk to random people on the phone. I tweet out a phone number. Thousands of people try to call you talk to one of them. They stay anonymous. I can't hang up. That's all the rules. I never know what's gonna happen. We get serious ones. I've talked with meth dealers on their way to prison. I've talked to people who survived mass shootings. Crazy funny ones. I talked to a guy with a goose laugh, somebody who dresses up as a pirate on the weekends. I never know what's gonna happen. It's a great show. Subscribe today. Beautiful Anonymous.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hey, baby, we gonna be here all day. We gonna be here all day, baby. I like that kind of party. Welcome back to the Way Back. Everybody. Ryan Sickler here. I want to say thank you for your support of this show. Such a fun show to do. Make sure you're subscribed. Hit it up with a review and all that good stuff stuff. And come see me on tour. If I am in your town when you're around, I'm out there, y'all. Tickets are available on my [e-mail] Very excited to have our guest here today in the Way Back with me. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Craig Conan. Welcome to the Way Back Duty.

[Craig Conant]

Thank you for having me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good to see you. Please promote whatever you like.

[Craig Conant]

What's up? I'm Craig Conant. I'm funny. Come catch a show. Craig conant.com I'm touring. Yeah. It's taping my special in December.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you?

[Craig Conant]

Sacramento Crest Theater, baby.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good for you. Congrats.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah, Come get these jokes.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I usually start this off with asking if anybody ever actually sat in the seat, that back seat in the station wagon that faced out and you're a little younger. How old are you?

[Craig Conant]

I'm 40.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you're 40?

[Craig Conant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dude, you look like you're 31.

[Craig Conant]

32 years old right here, bro. Wakes your eyes up. Yeah, I'm old school. 84.

[Ryan Sickler]

You are old enough to remember one of these, then. So did you. You have you ridden?

[Craig Conant]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Craig Conant]

We had two that had this. My mama had a baby blue Chrysler with the back seat, and then my Uncle Johnny had a Volvo with the back seat.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah.

[Craig Conant]

So we were. We were in. Yeah, not. And even in any car, we were always in the back seat. The Explorer. We were ghetto. We didn't wear seat belts.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Craig Conant]

I wrote them in back of my dad's pickup truck. Early 90s.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's how a little different it was.

[Craig Conant]

It's in a bit, but. Yeah, that was fun. Me and my sisters would do that. Going fishing to San Pedro.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right, so you know this seat then. So what's. What. What sort of stuff you get into? I know we. You go check out his Honeydew episode. It's great. But you mentioned something.

[Craig Conant]

Potato cannons, baby bro.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know if anybody's talked about those on here yet.

[Craig Conant]

They were so.

[Ryan Sickler]

We never had. Can. We had guns.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You can tell me how you're doing. Just your pvc. But how far?

[Craig Conant]

Well, back in the day, they had this thing called the Anarchist Cookbook. You rem. Remember that thing?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes, I do.

[Craig Conant]

And I was like 12 years old, reading this book, learning how to make stuff, and potato cannon was one of them. And I had like maybe five different. Yep.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah, that's a homemade one there.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah. I use black PVC pipe, personally. Looks better. Yeah. Yeah. That one looked like mine. That one looked like mine right there. Well, they used a. A barbecue igniter like that. I use. I use the. I use the. The lantern. The. The flint. Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I had a Coleman lantern that had flint. They would light right up.

[Craig Conant]

We shoot a. We would shoot. We'd soak potatoes in gasoline and we'd shoot them in the night sky towards the police station.

[Ryan Sickler]

For people who don't know, explain how it works, because there's a lot of people like, what the hell is he talking about?

[Craig Conant]

Potato cannon.

[Ryan Sickler]

So we're gonna show a picture of it, but tell them how it works. And now, the Wayback Presents. How to Build a Potato with Craig Conant.

[Craig Conant]

You get plumbing pipe, PVC pipe. You go to Home Depot and you get like 4 inch, maybe 5 inch diameter for the chamber. Then you get PVC glue and then you get like a 4 inch adapter to a 2 inch barrel. For the barrel and the chamber you spray Aquanet or gasoline in a spray bottle or fire starter. For lawnmowers, they're very flammable. Anything flammable. Really. Anything flammable. And you spray it in the back and you screw the cap on like it's showing in the pictures. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

This has been how to build a potato cannon with Craig Conant.

[Craig Conant]

Oh, I had five versions of this by the time I was 12 years old.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, 12.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah, my dad, he's nuts. He's the illegal man. He's making these like 9, 10. We're taking the little league, showing other kids.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hey, watch this.

[Craig Conant]

Shooting them all. Everybody loved it.

[Ryan Sickler]

If you haven't seen a potato can shoot, man, I'm telling you, it's something else. We had guns. Nobody ever got crazy enough to make a canon one. That thing's big. It was as big as you.

[Craig Conant]

Oh yeah, it was as big as me.

[Ryan Sickler]

And so on. Fifth version. What do you got now? So how. I mean you just putting like a.

[Craig Conant]

Five footer with four inch chamber, maybe about three.

[Ryan Sickler]

And are you holding it or is this thing like a mortar at this.

[Craig Conant]

Point now it has kick like you need to hold it on your side or it will hit your hip bone and leave a gnarly.

[Ryan Sickler]

It will.

[Craig Conant]

Oh yeah, it went like 300 yards. Limes.

[Ryan Sickler]

We, we all.

[Craig Conant]

You would do lines that fit perfect. And I put a screw because the, the barrel. Sometimes you push the potato too far and it'd go into the chamber. So you just put a screw right there, put some epoxy, PVC glue, seal it up and then it would never go down. You'd load it like a musket. You just put it down with a broomstick and. Yeah, we used to shoot these all night long. And where.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are you shooting them at?

[Craig Conant]

At the. I'm not even kidding. At the police station. They wouldn't go that far, but we live maybe like six blocks from the police would shoot in that direction and we would just laugh.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just into the neighborhood.

[Craig Conant]

Potato. Yeah, yeah. Just hitting houses nearby. Imagine waking up and just getting hit with a potato.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just walking outside. Fucking potato hit you.

[Craig Conant]

We do drive bys potato guns. Shoot them at our buddies houses, their front doors and shit. It was the best of times. Honestly. It's pretty harmless.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you're a big fireworks guy.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean you mentioned fireworks in a few of your honeydew stories.

[Craig Conant]

I was lighting sparklers last night with my niece and nephew.

[Ryan Sickler]

What is it you love about fireworks?

[Craig Conant]

My dad gave them to me at literally kindergarten.

[Ryan Sickler]

Love.

[Craig Conant]

Young.

[Ryan Sickler]

What was your first ones?

[Craig Conant]

Black cats and bottle rockets. I was selling them in like 4th grade, 9 years old. Selling them to other kids? Yeah. My dad was like, hey, go make some money. And I'd sell firecrackers, bottle rockets. I'd still play boys.

[Ryan Sickler]

You did that in. In school today. I think they would label you a terrorist.

[Craig Conant]

Uhhuh.

[Ryan Sickler]

100% firecrackers, anything explosive.

[Craig Conant]

The 90s are different, bro. And they didn't send me back to school.

[Ryan Sickler]

It would be terrible.

[Craig Conant]

Hooker flyers. I go to Vegas with my dad and I'd get all the hooker flyers off the floor and I'd sell them at school and like, I swear on my life, sell them like 50 cents because it's pornish. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

The kids would buy them.

[Craig Conant]

They buy them. Yeah. Just sits. They get. They ratted me. I had to go to the principal's office. Why?

[Ryan Sickler]

They ruining titties for everybody.

[Craig Conant]

This kid Jimmy ratted me out, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Fuck you.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah, Jimmy. I'll never forget, bro. He told him you told Ms. Piper. Well, because he made fun of a girl because it was a. It was a girl on there. And he said to a girl like, hey, this will be you in 10 years. She started crying because she never seen a hooker before.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was like, have you been to Vegas?

[Craig Conant]

No. And then I'm hey, like, you gotta go to Vegas. And then the. And then the. He. The teacher got Jimmy and then Jimmy pointed at me. And then I went to the principal's office and I had hooker flyers of money and they got me. And then I just blamed it on my dad, but it was all me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nobody, dude, nothing suspicious.

[Craig Conant]

Send me back to school the next day. It's 92, bro.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's the wildest you ever got with fireworks? Because I want to say this before you answer. My brother got in trouble for fireworks. He got on a bit of a, like probation for it too, because he was firing. He lives in Delaware. Well, this is his old place. And he had a big yard. And he went and got like a legitimate firework, like one of the ones you see, like this big ass one that's going Nevada, bro.

[Craig Conant]

I got.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he got one and he fired it off. And I guess there was a cop that came by and was like. He's like, if I find any of that shit on your property, you're getting a fine. So he's cleaning it all up. And there was a shred of something on the property. And the cop came back and gave him a fine for it and put him on some kind of probation. Gave him a big fine.

[Craig Conant]

That cop's a weasel.

[Ryan Sickler]

So the next fourth of July, I'm there and he's got another one. He's like, I'm a fire. I'm like, don't. It ain't worth it. You know what I mean? He's like, I'm firing.

[Craig Conant]

Fight him.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he fires this thing up. I mean, it's big as you could see it. I don't care where you are. And we just see this guy and his wife. They're just walking the neighborhood. It's just dark, but you see enough lights and you could see that he looked like he had a glass in his hand. And my brother's like, oh, that's the cop that lives down the street. And then he just looks at my brother and you could see. Now I see him getting closer, and it's a glass of wine. He goes, fire it up.

[Craig Conant]

I like this kind of body. Oh, now.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he stood there, he's a different cop, and he's let us do it. You know what I mean? And then it was just 4th of July show in the back yard.

[Craig Conant]

That's my point. Yeah, he's a patriot. Celebrate. Yeah, my incident. I was banned from Hermosa Pierre in Plaza for three years. For three years, for what? I threw firecrackers at police officers on horses and it made three local newspapers and my mama cry. That's a true story. I didn't even see them, though. People always think I intentionally did this shit. I lit them and I threw them down. And then I looked up and there was a posse of sheriffs. And this was actually this story I wish I told on the other pod. But you get it here. You get it now. It's the story that made me get sober and in the stand up. Because I had four charges at assault on a police officer, assault on a horse officer. Because the firecracker scared the horses.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah.

[Craig Conant]

And they bucked them. And the cops. I had assault on police and the horse cop.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's a charge on a horse? It was assault on a horse.

[Craig Conant]

That's what I said.

[Ryan Sickler]

What is it? What is it?

[Craig Conant]

The actual bit is I'm like, who made him a cop? He's a horse. Because the fine on the horse was more expensive than the human.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was wondering.

[Craig Conant]

PETA sent me death threats. They sent me death threats, bro. They wanted me to.

[Ryan Sickler]

Peter, the animal organization still wants to save animals.

[Craig Conant]

It was a wild time, bro. I just laid low for a little while. And this all was out while I was at work. And it made the newspaper. And I went into work because I missed. That was the second time I missed Trader Joe's work because I was in jail and it made the paper. So my manager, he was. He's a stinker, too. He's a funny guy. He's selling weed, but he's holding up the newspaper. And it's the article of me. It said, deputies lasso Lomita. Man. I lived in Lomita. And he's holding up. He goes, craig, did anything happen over the weekend you would like to share? And I'm out on bail with four charges. You know, I'm wounded. I'm like, I don't want to talk about it. And, yeah, I didn't see them. I didn't mean to do it, but I definitely did it. And it. But it's okay. Out of bad can come something good. That's my message.

[Ryan Sickler]

What about as a kid? You. Have you ever had. Did you ever do the Roman candle fights? Just firing them.

[Craig Conant]

Like, what do you do?

[Ryan Sickler]

I live like, what are you doing?

[Craig Conant]

Not in the. Well, sometimes we play fireball in the house. We pour alcohol or gasoline on a tennis ball, we light it, and we throw it at each other.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've talked about that on Fireball. Only time I've ever seen it were these two brothers in Minnesota who did it. And they went out in the middle of the street, and at night, and they're like, watch this. And they dipped it in kerosene. They each took a fireproof glove.

[Craig Conant]

We just used our hands, and they.

[Ryan Sickler]

Would throw it and catch that right in their hand. I'm like, you guys, are we doing. I was just bare handed.

[Craig Conant]

I was 10. Almost catching the house on fire every day, bro.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dipping it and lighting it and throwing it around.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah, me and my buddies, we. We had parties. Hit somebody's hair, bro. We burned this one poor girl's hair. And you saw it go. And we're like, anyways, this is a long time ago. And I for. I'm all over the place.

[Ryan Sickler]

Fireworks in the neighborhood.

[Craig Conant]

Fireworks. I lived in Inglewood, and now we have. I swear to God, Englewood. I live. My neighbor was Inglewood family blood, gang member, and we were doing Roman candle wars. Like, laughing like children. Just like, he's hit, shooting me. I'm shooting him. It was funny. Sprayed the neighbor with a fire extinguisher. I forgot one moment of the potato gun story, though.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Craig Conant]

When I was building it, I was like 12, you know, I didn't know what I was doing. I forgot to put PVC glue on the chamber to the barrel. So the first shot I loaded up with gasoline and hit the ignition. It blew apart, and a flame went up inside of my body. I'm alone in my garage, and I'm just like, burnt my shirt right here. And nothing happened, you know, And I just went, oh. And I put glue there. And then. And then it was fine. And that model my buddy has in his garage, and it's still working to this day, I swear. Still has that same one because he brought it up at my birthday party. I'm like, why'd you bring it here and fired it? And 12, 15 years.

[Ryan Sickler]

You didn't do that for your gender reveal? Are there potato gun gender reveals out there? My fees gonna be like, oh, there's a million. I'm all right.

[Craig Conant]

We're starting to trend.

[Ryan Sickler]

What else as a kid are you doing and what kind of trouble you get into? Are you sneaking out? Are you going to camps? Are you going on vacations? Are you driving? Are you flying? What are you doing?

[Craig Conant]

I'd sneak out to steal my mom's car with. Nobody really watched me. 14, 15.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you're joyriding? We had a kid that did that, too.

[Craig Conant]

My dad sold me my first car, and it was a lemon.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hold on, wait, hold on. Go back for a second. To steal a mom's car, you would sneak out, and where would you go? Just pick up friends and drive and.

[Craig Conant]

Crash it in the trash cans.

[Ryan Sickler]

You. You. Your mom's car up?

[Craig Conant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did she find out?

[Craig Conant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What happened?

[Craig Conant]

A bunch of dents.

[Ryan Sickler]

What happened?

[Craig Conant]

She's a sweet lady, and she had a bad kid.

[Ryan Sickler]

But you got home without getting caught.

[Craig Conant]

I'm sorry. Yeah, we just. I would get. Yeah, I was like, 15, no license, just crashing in the trash day, hitting the trash can, and trash would fly everywhere with my buddies, and we just laugh. I'm. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. It's. I repent. Don't do this, guys. But, yeah, I was just a lost little firecracker kid.

[Ryan Sickler]

You don't need to apologize for it on this show. That ain't what this one's about.

[Craig Conant]

Sorry, mommy.

[Ryan Sickler]

What else. What else are you doing as kids?

[Craig Conant]

Movies. I was watching movies. The TV raised me. I mean, that's up. We go to Vegas a lot. I watch Disorderly's Fat Boys.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, Like Fat Boys reference in the last couple days and I love it.

[Craig Conant]

T all the old school. Fly to the Navigator. Goonies. Goonies. Watch Goonies every day, on and on. Just that weird stuff. Garbage Pail Kids, Monster Squad. I like obscure, like they Live. John Carpenter.

[Ryan Sickler]

One of the best fight scenes.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

In the history of fight scenes. Keith David and Roddy Piper. Oh, man. Going for like 20 minutes. I think it might be eight minutes. For real.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Something like that.

[Craig Conant]

Felt like four.

[Ryan Sickler]

Eight minutes of being edited is probably 10 hours of them actually fighting the out of each other.

[Craig Conant]

It's a two day shoot. That's fighting. Great movie. Check it out. The documentary about what's happening right now.

[Ryan Sickler]

Tell me about vacations.

[Craig Conant]

Vegas. We went to the Tropicana, had an indoor pool. Nobody watched us.

[Ryan Sickler]

Bro. Would you drive?

[Craig Conant]

Oh, this is nino stuff.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm. I'm like, but is your family flying there?

[Craig Conant]

Sorry. Yeah, I was like, I didn't drive.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm 12.

[Craig Conant]

No, my dad would drive. He had a T Bird, a Chevy Astro van. And we stay at the Tropicanics at an indoor pool at that time. And he'd give us two dollars for like four days, bro.

[Ryan Sickler]

So he'd like let you stay at the pool and he'd go gamble.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And no one likes the only person watching you.

[Craig Conant]

My 12 year old sister's watching eight kids.

[Ryan Sickler]

That many?

[Craig Conant]

We're Mexican. He left all of them. There's three of us, but cousins, cousins, cousins.

[Ryan Sickler]

But he let the kids watch. The kids watch. All right.

[Craig Conant]

Oh, a drunk uncle or my dad watches, which means they're out gambling. Nobody watched us. Nobody watches. And they had the arcade down there. And I was always a hustler and an entrepreneur and I, I would bring like gadgets to steal the animals. I'd put a coat hanger with the fish hook on it. The claw machine.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Craig Conant]

And now because he gave me two bucks.

[Ryan Sickler]

But how would you get it?

[Craig Conant]

You go under and I go like that and I pull them out like fishing for stuffed animals. And I would, you know, I swear to God. And then people would come play and they'd lose. I'd be like, hey, you want to buy stuffed animals in Vegas? In Vegas.

[Ryan Sickler]

Of all the places as like a.

[Craig Conant]

10 year old bro selling stuffed animals to strangers. And they would buy them some 10, you know, and then the, the coin one where you put it in and it flicks it up into the cups.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yep, yep.

[Craig Conant]

They. I would like pry it open and put gum on the end of the coat hanger and pull out all the change from the bottom.

[Ryan Sickler]

That would work.

[Craig Conant]

Oh, yeah. I fish out like 13 bucks a quarters and. But I'll put it right back in the machines because I didn't have. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What about the ones that would like, bulldoze quarters to like the edge?

[Craig Conant]

That one I can never get. My angle was the stuffed animals and the coin flipper and some of them had.

[Ryan Sickler]

You wouldn't get caught.

[Craig Conant]

You would get in trouble all the time.

[Ryan Sickler]

But your kids or what are they gonna do?

[Craig Conant]

Yeah, I'm 10. Nobody's there. Who? You? Who? Where's your father? Not here.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are you gonna do? Spending more money.

[Craig Conant]

What are you gonna do? You arrest the 10 year old? No, they thought it was funny. Look at these crazy kids. Who's watching them? Yeah, that's what we would do. Just crazy. Just crazy wild. Yeah, just me and my cousin Lisa, my first best friend. We used to just get into it like watch Little Rascals and then go implement that into real life. And like steal my daddy's beers and sell them to construction workers. I put a sign around her neck. Everything was always money orientated. How can I get.

[Ryan Sickler]

But you would go find construction workers.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And there was always some building going on out here.

[Craig Conant]

We sell Coronas Keystone. Put a sign around her neck and we'd sell. We kill it. We kill it.

[Ryan Sickler]

You put a sign around her?

[Craig Conant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I thought you had a dog with you. You're putting it around your cousin.

[Craig Conant]

Sodas are a dollar, beers are three dollars. And she's playing watching Rambo. I watch Rambo a lot.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you a big prankster, were you?

[Craig Conant]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Doing what?

[Craig Conant]

What are you always fire, scaring people?

[Ryan Sickler]

It's always fire. Yeah, dude, I'll tell you, I remember we did this with firecrackers one time. We used to do this. It was so. I can't believe we did it. Can't believe we're alive. It is the dumbest thing you could do. But those black cats back in the day, and you probably know this, you could pull the fuse out of it.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah. And get the gunpowder out and you could.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, we didn't. We would just throw that away and we would just light diffuse to scare you. So my buddy's driving one time and I tell my brother, I'm like, well, we're in the middle. I'm just gonna take the fuse. We're fine. I'm just gonna throw it on his nuts while we're driving. So we're all in the car and I'm behind him and I light and he's like, what's that? You know, you ready? And I just throw it on his lap.

[Craig Conant]

Dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

This, of course he let go the wheel. There it is. There you go. No, that one on the right is like as beat up as it was. Yeah, he let go of the wheel. We're swerved. We're in this tiny ass car on a bridge. Oh. And he's swerving all over.

[Craig Conant]

Like why would you do it on a bridge?

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know what the hell we were thinking.

[Craig Conant]

Wait till after the bridge.

[Ryan Sickler]

Beating his nuts. And we used to do like that all the time. And bottle rockets is one. We would have bottle rocket fights too.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah. That was fun.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I still to this day I'll never forget. I'm sitting in my car. Thank God this window was down. This window's down. It was super windy. We're at the beach, everyone's lighting fireworks and. But it's windy. So I get inside, I go to light a joint and as I'm sitting there, a bottle rocket. It's. You know how they're unpredictable.

[Craig Conant]

Oh yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

It just. I mean right across my face through the windows. And I was like, God damn.

[Craig Conant]

Bottle rockets were a little scary because you always hear the story of some kid in their eye.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Craig Conant]

But you just close your eyes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Never injuries.

[Craig Conant]

Oh yeah. I lit a mortar off my head.

[Ryan Sickler]

What?

[Craig Conant]

I put a beanie on.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you mean a mortar? You're more too big.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah. This was later.

[Ryan Sickler]

Put it on top of your head and shot it off.

[Craig Conant]

I swear to God. It was a double shot too. Pop. Pop.

[Ryan Sickler]

What? Yeah. Did it scald your skin?

[Craig Conant]

Yeah. I felt like a sledgehammer punch to the top of my head.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh. With the.

[Craig Conant]

I put a beanie on and still.

[Ryan Sickler]

It did that to you.

[Craig Conant]

But it just felt like a punch, like. And my buddy's like, you're an idiot. And I'm like, I know. But we were just dumb, dumb, dumb dumbs Always take any of that extra. I was the guy that like, like people were normal fun pranks. I was like, let's go a little further.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's hear it.

[Craig Conant]

And we take the stick off the bottle rockets. Just throw them out. Cuz then you don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Ah, that red stick that would be on there.

[Craig Conant]

You don't know. Close your eyes. I just like danger. But not anymore. This is like alcohol and twenties, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Give me some elementary and high elementary school.

[Craig Conant]

We would just lay them on the sidewalk. It was also around then. Same stories, just slightly safer. Cuz I was eight Same stories. Elementary school. We used to steal Playboys from the liquor store cuz we didn't have Internet porn. Which I am grateful for.

[Ryan Sickler]

I, I agree. I think that would have ruined me kid. It would. I would have never done anything. I'd have been hooked immediately.

[Craig Conant]

These poor bastards. Just.

[Ryan Sickler]

So how would you get them?

[Craig Conant]

We would like a guy would be.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what the store was called?

[Craig Conant]

Yeah, like, like Mr. B's, Mr. K's liquor. The, the like some kid would be over there distracting them and I would be by the Playboys and club magazines by the door. Hustlers and that way like this and just run out and we have a magazine and we'd share it because we had. That was our only access to porn. Or you get those weird newspapers in the stands. Remember?

[Ryan Sickler]

I see la, yes.

[Craig Conant]

LA had like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where I grew up, Baltimore didn't have that. You had like the City Paper, but they didn't have the smut backstage. Yeah, yeah.

[Craig Conant]

It was like what's weird? I had no idea now but looking back, it's like a, it was like what's that? Craigslist. Like casual encounter. It was like a old school newspaper for that world. And yeah, it was because we were like eight, nine. I'd lay on the ground and, and put my arm up and pull them out. We wouldn't even pay for them and we'd still.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you could get under like that.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah. And then it had all the numbers and we call the numbers and rack up mom's phone bill calling like 1, 800 fat girls and. Because they talk to you longer for cheaper. But I don't care if she's fat and that's up.

[Ryan Sickler]

What about sleepovers and stuff like that?

[Craig Conant]

Yeah, I, I actually, I knew the first sleepovers. I knew the Gracies and they went, I went to Hoist.

[Ryan Sickler]

Gracie.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah. Hoist came during ufc. Like the, the infancy of it showing like shamrock and, and was like a Tank Abbott.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you're doing a sleepover over there.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah. And he came over and showed us videos of that and I was like like 10 meeting hoist. That's wild, huh?

[Ryan Sickler]

That is wild.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah. And I just remember watching that UFC blow up and, and you were getting.

[Ryan Sickler]

My middle school taste of it.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah. And they were like, come fight. And I'm like, no, I'm a firecracker kid. You know, I never did it. I. Now I regret it. I wish I did go to their schools. They're awesome. Gracie Jiu jitsu, shout out to them. I've known him since.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, 10 who'd you know? Who? Family?

[Craig Conant]

Henner.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, Henner.

[Craig Conant]

Hender. Hender. He don't. And Halleck. They were like 6, 7, 8th grade. Like they have one. They seriously had a kid every year. They're awesome and they're doing big things. He, like, made a hoodie line. Teaches classes. Teach police.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you a sports guy at all?

[Craig Conant]

How was baseball?

[Ryan Sickler]

Would play in Little League.

[Craig Conant]

Shortstop. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Shortstop.

[Craig Conant]

Third base. Second base. Yeah. All. Every All Star team. Utility man. Could pitch. Sometimes I was a little wild. I have. Despite this skinny arm. I got a little cannon on me. I'd be whipping them. Yeah, I was shortstop mainly. I love the infield. I was aggressive. Like, you could hit a piss right on me. Take it, like, be tough. That's what my dad taught me. No, he's hit ground balls at me, and if. If I missed it come at me harder. That's abuse.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know if that's abuse.

[Craig Conant]

No, you weren't there. No.

[Ryan Sickler]

I wasn't. You're right.

[Craig Conant]

No, I love my daddy. He's awesome. Awesome. But, yeah, it was. It was. Yeah, just a lot of ground balls, firecrackers, golf.

[Ryan Sickler]

But high school.

[Craig Conant]

High school. Started drinking, doing potato cannons, watching days. Then confused a lot. Cheech and Chong up in smoke. Pink Floyd, the Machine. Yeah. That's when I got into psychedelics and Pink Floyd in high school. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I went to see. And it's so funny because I just did the 5K there at the Pasadena Rose bowl, at the Two Bears for Netflix, as a joke. I just say, I just did. But this year, and I was telling them a story, I was telling Kevin Clancy from KFC Barstool that I come to this Rose bowl, and then it was 1994. So we go to this, and it's the Rose Bowl. It's a hundred thousand packed. It's April, it's warm, and my buddy Kevin's with us. And then he invited this other couple, this younger married couple. I don't know them, but the three of them do. So the four of us are sitting outside the stadium, and everybody's tailgating. You know, we're smoking weed, and he pulls out these shrooms, and he's like, I think I'm gonna take a bunch of these shrooms. Do you want any? And I was like, no, I don't. And the married couple does. So the three of them eat all the shrooms. So we go into the stadium. Kevin is to my right. Right here. And then the. The married lady and the married guy. It's the Four of us, and we're deep in the concert, in the middle of it, they're flying. And I look to my left and then when I look back to my right. Kevin. Kevin's gone.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I'm like, where the is Kevin? And I hear, dong. And what happened was he passed out and the people behind him got scared. So instead of catching him, they moved out of the way and his head hit the. That aluminum seating there. But his feet got stuck in front of the one in front of us. You know how small the Rose Bowl? And he's. Anyone hits, he's having a seizure.

[Craig Conant]

Oh, no, he's.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I, I've. I've known him since high school. I've. And they're like, is he epileptic? I'm like, no, I don't know what he is. I just started smacking the. I'm punching him in the face.

[Craig Conant]

I don't think that's happened.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm flushing the out of you.

[Craig Conant]

Just beating up an epileptic, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Next thing we know, he comes to and he's like, what the hell happened? I'm like, what do you mean what happened? Everyone's looking around. I'm like, you just passed out. You hit your head. You got to be hurt. You had a full on seizure. He's like, how long was I gone? How long you think you were gone? He was, I don't know, like two minutes. I was like, it was like 20 seconds, dude. He's like, what? We look over and the lady that brought. He, she brought the shrooms. She. I don't know if she was having guilt or what. She saw what happened to him. Dude, it was.

[Craig Conant]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, it was the worst trip that lady's ever had.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah, that's a bad.

[Ryan Sickler]

She started throwing up at her like, 60 concert. They had to leave. I've never been, never in my life before. Glad I didn't do shrooms. I don't know why I like troops. I don't know why that died.

[Craig Conant]

I was like, no, that would have.

[Ryan Sickler]

Been a big bad season. She's freaking out.

[Craig Conant]

I'm like, oh, you can't see like that on mushrooms. You're like, I'm out of here.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, God damn.

[Craig Conant]

One time my buddy was having a bad trip. I didn't even remember this. Another buddy told me, we're all bugged out on mushrooms. It was high school and he's having a bad trip. So I started shaking him and slapping them, like, snap out of it. And then I was like, is it better? And he's like, no, it's way worse.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's way worse.

[Craig Conant]

I was like, sorry, I don't know. Drink water.

[Ryan Sickler]

Tell me the most up you got in high school.

[Craig Conant]

Oh, my goodness.

[Ryan Sickler]

We'll wrap up on this.

[Craig Conant]

Dirty ass. Like Keystone, you know, Keystone Ice.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Craig Conant]

I maybe could handle four beers. And I had like 14 as a 14 year old. Woke up in a puddle of vomit, face down. Thank God. Thank you, God. My mom, Sweet, beautiful lady. Thank you. She's cleaning me up. But I'll never forget this. My door is locked and I'm trying to hide being drunk, and you know, I'm 14. She's like, what are you doing in there? I'm like, I'm whacking it. Go away. And she's like, I know you're not whacking. That you would never say you're whacking.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're drinking.

[Craig Conant]

You're drinking in there, aren't you? Philip. That's my middle name.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're drinking.

[Craig Conant]

I'm like, no, no. And then just puke everywhere. Yeah, she caught me.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're whack.

[Craig Conant]

But that was my excuse. I was like, oh, I'm whacking it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I would never have the nerve to say I was Ryan.

[Craig Conant]

I was.

[Ryan Sickler]

I get it.

[Craig Conant]

Yeah. That was my first just hangover. And I, I, I don't know why I kept drinking because it was like the worst couple days of my life. Just a pounding on my head. Probably had alcohol poisoning. But nobody did nothing and just woke up in a huge puddle of vomit. And I was literally like, like rubbing my head in it. I was just out and my mom, like, got me out and I didn't. Then I just went and passed down her bed. Her sweet angel ass picked. Just cleaned me up.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's.

[Craig Conant]

Thank you, mommy. And unconditional love. Shout out to moms.

[Ryan Sickler]

Shout out to your moms, dude. Thank you. Thank you for doing this. I appreciate you coming on here. Plug again, what you'd like, please.

[Craig Conant]

Craig conan.com. i'm touring like a son of a gun. I'm always at the Comedy Store and the Hollywood Improv and yeah, Craig Conant. That's my name. I love you all. Thank you for having me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, brother. Thank you. As always. Ryan Sickler, come see me on tour. Tickets are on my [e-mail]. we'll talk to you all next week.

[Chris Gethard]

Hi, I'm Chris Gethard and I'm very excited to tell you about Beautiful Anonymous, a podcast where I talk to random people on the phone. I tweet out a phone number. Thousands of people try to call. Talk to one of them. They stay anonymous. I can't hang up. That's all the rules. I never know what's gonna happen. We get serious ones. I've talked with meth dealers on their way to prison. I've talked to people who survived mass shootings. Crazy funny ones. I talked to a guy with a goose laugh. Somebody who dresses up as a pirate on the weekends. I never know what's going to happen. It's a great show. Subscribe today. Beautiful. Anonymous.