Podcast Summary: The Why Factor – "Romance"

Podcast: The Why Factor, BBC World Service
Host: Afua Hirsch
Episode: Romance
Date: September 18, 2017

Overview

This episode explores the enduring concept of romance: its biological roots, cultural expressions, and evolution in the modern world. Host Afua Hirsch delves into historical, scientific, and personal perspectives to answer why romance captivates us, how it has been shaped by different societies, and whether it might be changing or fading in the digital age.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Historic Roots and Ideals of Romance

• Chaucer and Courtly Love:
  The episode opens with references to Geoffrey Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, highlighting how these medieval stories helped establish Western ideals of romantic love. Hirsch recalls reading Chaucer alongside her grandfather, connecting their academic experiences across eras and continents (01:31).
  • “He returned to Ghana wanting to marry for love, and wooed my grandmother with letters and gifts. They were part of a new generation, merging both Western and African concepts of romantic love.” – Afua Hirsch (01:31)

2. What is Romance? A Biological Perspective

• Science of Romance:
  Sarah Merrill, Cornell University, describes the neurochemical underpinnings of romance, emphasizing dopamine’s role in infatuation and motivation.
  • “Romance is an important and frankly necessary part of what we scientifically call infatuation. From a neurochemical perspective, really, this is driven by dopamine…what we think of as desire and passion.” – Sarah Merrill (04:26)
  • Romantic love is universal, biologically hardwired, but culturally expressed (“cultural expectations that go along with these feelings”) (05:12).

3. Romance Across Cultures

• Cultural Variations:
  Viktor Karandashev, psychologist and author, outlines how the Western idea of romance – flowers, poetry, gifts – is a cultural product of the 18th/19th-century “sentimental revolution” (05:34).
  • “Since that time, romantic love is closely associated with something idealistic, something beautiful... Culture is what makes passionate love romantic.” – Viktor Karandashev (06:36)
  • African Perspectives:
    Kiru Taye, Nigerian romance novelist, discusses how African expressions of romance differ from Western standards – an emphasis on lasting, meaningful gestures rather than transient gifts (flowers).
    • “So in terms of contextually, romance might be slightly different for an African to a European woman, but it doesn't mean that there isn’t romance.” – Kiru Taye (07:23)
    • Example from her novel: a husband having fabric specially woven for his wife is seen as deeply romantic (07:58–08:59).

4. Personal Stories: Same-Sex Love & Defining Your Own Romance

• Eddie & Justin’s Story:
  Eddie Outlaw and Justin, couple based in the American South, share their first encounter, small acts of affection, and the particular resonance of public displays of affection in a setting where it wasn’t always safe or accepted (03:02–15:50).

  • “Something as simple as holding hands or even leaning into each other… is something that I didn't have or couldn't experience for so long.” – Eddie Outlaw (10:43)
  • Evolution of their relationship from grand gestures to meaningful everyday acts, such as buying favorite socks or fish (13:00–13:27).
    • “These days it might be me finding a sale on socks, which Justin is very fond of, and coming home with a bag full of. And from time to time he’ll sneak home from Whole Foods with my favorite fish.” – Eddie Outlaw (13:00)

• The Power of Small Gestures:
  Justin describes a cherished notebook filled with unexpected love letters from Eddie.

  • “More than any trip we’ve ever taken or any gift he’s ever given me, that tangible reminder of our love back then and where it has gone now... is just very special to me.” – Justin (23:15)

5. Broader Cultural and Historical Context

• Viktor Karandashev notes that romance is not exclusive to the West; Ancient Egypt, for example, had rich romantic traditions—temples and poetry as love tokens (11:47).
  • “In ancient Egypt…the great pharaohs built marvelous temple and tombs for their beloved as symbols of their feelings. And love poems depicted activities such as achieving the best fish for your beloved.” – Viktor Karandashev (11:47)

6. Romance in Modern Times

• Technology & Dating:
  Hirsch attends a London singles event, discussing with participants how dating apps are transforming the experience of romance—making it both more accessible and, according to some, more transactional or less magical (16:30–18:46).

  • “Everyone's looking for that certain tick list. If you don’t meet the tick list, that’s it, you’re out.” – Event Participant (17:52)
  • Jordie Sinclair, event organizer, reflects:
    • “We started the company so that people could meet each other and get to know someone for who they actually are via something fun…” – Jordie Sinclair (17:16)

• Two Major Shifts in Courtship:
  Justin Garcia, Indiana University, identifies agriculture and the Internet as revolutions in how people meet and form relationships (18:55–19:00). Today, more first dates start online than through friends or in person (19:00).

7. Is the Romantic Age Ending?

• Viktor Karandashev observes a shift towards pragmatism in relationships and a rise of the “sexy” over the “romantic” in modern language.
  • “The allure of romance has declined… Many young people try to combine the delight of passionate love with security and intimacy… romantic love may be just different in the near future than it was before.” (20:06)

8. The Future: Artificial Romance?

• Could AI Recreate Romance?
  Merrill suggests we might mimic infatuation chemically, but true romantic attachment remains elusive and mysterious (21:27).

  • “If we could…determine the exact cocktail, we could probably mimic the intense excitement, mental cognitive overload, feeling of infatuation. I do not believe that we could mimic the feelings of attachment exactly…” – Sarah Merrill (21:27)

• Hirsch expresses relief at love retaining some mystical quality (22:11):

  • “...we like to think of romance as being something slightly mystical and otherworldly. And it’s almost a relief to know it can’t completely be boiled down to an equation or a formula.” – Afua Hirsch (22:11)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Love will not be constrained by mastery. When mastery comes, the God of love Anon beateth his wings and farewell he is gone. Love is a thing as any spirit.” – Chaucer, read by BBC announcer (01:20)
• “As a teenager in the 60s, I did experience it. I mean, holding hand meant a lot. That’s romance.” – Kiru Taye (09:35)
• “What evolutionarily is important about courting and romance is that it keeps us together.” – Sarah Merrill (13:49)
• “We never thought we’d see it in our lifetime. We just hoped that things would get better…” – Eddie Outlaw on same-sex marriage (15:15)
• “It’s just this thing that was his that…then became mine. I’d love to come home some days and pick it up and see if he had written in it…very special to me.” – Justin on handwritten love letters (23:15)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:20–03:02 – Historic context: Chaucer, courtly love, Afua’s family history
• 03:02–04:08 – Eddie and Justin: Modern love story begins
• 04:20–05:12 – Science of romance, dopamine, universal experiences (Sarah Merrill)
• 05:34–06:58 – Romantic love’s cultural history (Viktor Karandashev)
• 07:09–09:35 – Kiru Taye on African romance and personal/published examples
• 10:13–11:18 – Eddie/Justin: The significance of public affection in marginalized communities
• 11:47–12:21 – Ancient Egypt and romance (Karandashev)
• 13:00–13:27 – How romance matures in long-term relationships
• 16:30–18:46 – Singles event: Romance and dating apps
• 18:55–19:00 – Evolutionary shifts: Agriculture and the Internet (Justin Garcia)
• 20:06–21:13 – Is the romantic age fading? (Karandashev)
• 21:27–22:42 – Artificial intelligence and the essence of love (Sarah Merrill)

Conclusion

The episode richly traces romance from its poetic medieval roots, through changing global and personal customs, to today’s digital realities and future possibilities. Romance is shown to be both a hardwired human need and a cultural construct, constantly evolving but always deeply meaningful—whether expressed through a handwoven fabric, a clandestine hand held, or a simple, heartfelt note.