Mel Robbins' Expert Advice for Surviving the Holidays With Peace and Sanity

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Wirecutter Show

Episode: Mel Robbins' Expert Advice for Surviving the Holidays With Peace and Sanity

Date: November 26, 2025
Host(s): Rosie Guerin, Kyra Blackwell
Guest: Mel Robbins (author & podcast host)

---

Episode Overview

This episode departs from The Wirecutter Show’s usual product-focused format to delve into the emotional landscape of the holiday season. Rather than talking about kitchen gadgets or gift guides, hosts Rosie Guerin and Kyra Blackwell invite bestselling author and personal growth expert Mel Robbins to discuss her signature “Let Them Theory” and her top advice for navigating the stress, conflict, and big feelings that so often arise at family gatherings. Mel’s practical, compassionate approach offers listeners concrete guidance for setting boundaries, handling difficult relatives, dealing with disappointment, and reclaiming joy and sanity during the holidays.

---

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mel Robbins’ Career and Personal Turnaround

• Background: Mel Robbins shares her story of hitting rock bottom at age 41: “I was $800,000 in debt and everything about my life was falling apart... 16 years later, army crawl my way day by day by day to a completely different life.” (05:57–07:12)
• Theme: Her experience informs her practical approach to handling adversity and making lasting change.

2. Introduction to “The Let Them Theory”

• Essence: The “Let Them Theory” is Mel’s tool for maintaining peace and power.
• Core Idea: Stop trying to control others. Accept people as they are, and instead focus on your own reactions and boundaries.
• Quote: “The fastest way to feel more peace and power in your life is to stop trying to control and change other people... Just let them. Let other people be who they are and who they're not. And then... let me focus on my thoughts, my feelings, my behavior, because that's the only thing I can control.” (08:04–08:53)

3. Applying “Let Them” in Family Holiday Settings

• Common Pitfalls: We’re often stressed trying to control others—wanting family members to behave differently or trying to orchestrate the “perfect” gathering.
• Advice:
  • Radical acceptance: “If you bring the Let Them Theory, you are walking in with eyes wide open, fully accepting the situation as it is.” (13:03–13:07)
  • If you’re choosing to attend a family event, acknowledge that you value family, and let go of fantasies or expectations that things will be different. (12:00–13:03)

4. Handling Boundaries and Escalation

• Boundary Setting: “Your family is your family. They are never changing. Because people only change when they're ready to change for themselves.” (10:51–10:55)
• When Lines Are Crossed:
  • Gray Rocking: “Every single expert that studies narcissism recommends... gray rocking, which means you basically become as boring as a gray rock.” (14:27–14:28)
  • You can leave conversations or disengage—“You can leave any dinner table, any text chain, any conversation, any date, any interview, any job, anytime you choose.” (14:44–14:48)

5. Dealing With Disagreement and Disappointment

• Disagreement About Politics or Beliefs:
  • Don’t engage defensively; create space and listen if you choose to engage at all.
  • Quote: “Just let your family have their opinions about politics... When somebody feels attacked like that, they double down.” (16:38–17:11)
• Discriminatory Views: If someone’s beliefs or policies reject your identity:
  • “That's discriminatory, and you have to choose what the boundary is for you.” (17:43–17:47)
  • But attempting to “change” them is rarely fruitful.
  • “They’ll never change their opinion by you ramming your opinion down theirs... They change their opinion by having space to have it and watching you have so much grace and so much love.” (17:43–18:18)
• Handling Disappointment: “Your parents, your aunt, your uncle, your grandma, they're grown ups, they can handle disappointment. You're gonna let them be disappointed and then you're gonna go to the let me part and say, well, let me ask you, what do I value?” (24:05–24:36)

6. Avoiding Host Burnout During Holiday Events

• Don’t Try to Control Everyone’s Experience: “Every one of those decisions is about impressing somebody else. As much as we try, you cannot control somebody else's experience.” (21:48–21:58)
• Do It For You: “If I'm happy with how this looks, then it doesn't matter what everybody else thinks. Because instead of doing it for them, do it for you.” (22:57–23:08)
• Let Go of Guilt: Give yourself permission to skip some events or say no—let others be disappointed. It's a sign of love and healthy boundaries. (23:58–24:36)

7. The True Nature of “Let Them” and “Let Me”

• Order Matters: You only realize how much you’re shaped by others’ moods and expectations once you set boundaries first (“let them”), then reclaim your space (“let me”). (24:59–25:47)
• Know Yourself: “You can't know who you are if your entire life is organized to please other people.” (25:58–26:05)
• Quote: “You're giving people the dignity of their own experience, and you’re not getting reactive... You are in control.” (26:31–27:17)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Signature Line:
  “Let them have their opinions. Let them have their disappointment. Let them not understand my dreams. Let them... You're creating this beautiful space where you’re operating from compassion and acceptance.”
  — Mel Robbins (00:37–00:59), repeated throughout the episode

• On Family Frustrations:
  “You can love somebody deeply and just hate them in the moment. And so two things can be true at once.”
  — Mel Robbins (11:13–11:20)

• On Accepting Disappointment:
  “Imagine the opposite: Thank God she's not coming. Why are they disappointed that you’re not there?”
  — Mel Robbins (23:59–24:04)

• Favorite Product Story:
  Mel describes her custom photo belt buckle: “It is the best way to travel with your children. Travel on the belt. They're always with you.”
  (27:51–28:44)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Mel’s Background & Personal Turnaround: 05:57–07:12
• Explaining “Let Them Theory”: 07:32–08:53
• Applying “Let Them” to Holiday Family Gatherings: 10:12–14:28
• Handling Political/Deep Differences: 16:38–18:18
• Practical Examples: Hosting Without Burnout: 21:33–24:36
• Navigating Disappointment and Guilt: 23:58–24:36
• Discovering Self Over Time: 24:59–26:05
• Mel’s Favorite Product Purchase: 27:51–28:44

---

Conclusion & Tone

The episode’s tone is warm, direct, and gently humorous—embodying Mel’s signature blend of tough love and radical encouragement. Listeners are left with practical mantras, humorous real-world examples, and the reminder that compassion for both yourself and others is at the heart of surviving and even enjoying the holidays.

Key Takeaway:
“The one thing you will never be able to change is other people... You're not allowing somebody to escalate. You're not allowing somebody to disrespect you—you’re choosing how you respond. That's where your power is.”
— Mel Robbins (10:12–11:13; 14:44–15:24)

---

For anyone feeling the tension of approaching holiday get-togethers, this episode is an empowering and comforting listen packed with actionable advice.

Transcript

[Advertisement Voice]

In business, they say you can have better, cheaper or faster. But you only get to pick two. What if you could have all three? You can. With Oracle Cloud Infrastructure, OCI is the blazing fast hyperscaler for your infrastructure, database, application development and AI needs where you can run any workload for less. Compared with other clouds, OCI costs up to 50% less for compute, 70% less for storage, and 80% less for networking. Trust. Try OCI for free at oracle.com NYT oracle.com NYT.

[Mel Robbins]

Let them have their opinions. Let them have their disappointment. Let them not understand my dreams. Let them not be as supportive as I would like them to be. Let them be a little cold to the person that I'm dating. Let them, Let them, let them, let them, let them. You're creating this beautiful space where you're operating from compassion and acceptance.

[Kyra Blackwell]

I'm Kyra Blackwell.

[Rosie Guerin]

I'm Rosie Guerin and you're listening to the Wirecutter Show. Hey, Kyra.

[Mel Robbins]

Hi, Rosie.

[Rosie Guerin]

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes, it is.

[Rosie Guerin]

I think of it as the kickoff to the holiday season and kind of a favorite time of the year. On this show, we so far have covered how to prep for holiday cooking. We're about to publish an entire series on holiday gifting. Wirecutter itself provides a ton of practical advice about these sort of tactical elements of the holidays. But in my experience, along with preparing big holiday meals, giving and receiving gifts, there can come a host of, let's call them, big feelings, big emotions, the intangible ones. The intangibles. Oftentimes, it's important for our own sanity to set some boundaries around some of this stuff, particularly with family, close friends, and folks you don't get to see. And so we're talking to someone today who is excellent for this kind of advice and her name is Mel Robbins. Mel is a podcast host and an author specializing in personal growth. Her show, you may have heard of it, it's called the Mel Robbins Podcast. It was just named the number three podcast of 2025 by Apple Podcasts, which is incredible. She has one of the most viewed TED talks of all time. And then of course, she has her new book. It's called the Let Them Theory. It's a step by step guide for how to quit letting other people's opinions, drama, judgment, whatever else, affect you and your life.

[Kyra Blackwell]

I'm so obsessed with her. I'm so happy that she agreed to come on and talk to us. And I think people will be excited to hear that we're trying something a little bit different. Today with Mel. We won't be recommending any specific products, but what we want to talk to Mel about is setting these boundaries over the holiday season. Her best advice for keeping the temperature cool, Having a good time. Actually enjoying the rare times you get to spend with your loved ones.

[Rosie Guerin]

I love it. I can't wait to talk to her. We'll be right back.

[Advertisement Voice]

As a small business owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early. Your business is on your mind 24 7. So when you're hiring, you need a partner that works just as hard as you do. That hiring partner is LinkedIn jobs when you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in. LinkedIn makes it easy to post your job for free, share it with your network, and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place. Post your job LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights. Either post your job for free or pay to promote promoted jobs. Get three times more qualified applicants. At the end of the day, the most important thing to your small business is the quality of candidates. And with LinkedIn you can feel confident that you're getting the best. Find out why more than 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring today. Find your next great hire on LinkedIn. Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com Wirecutter that's LinkedIn.com Wirecutter to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Mass General Brigham in Boston is an integrated hospital system that's redefining patient care through groundbreaking research and medical innovation. Top researchers and clinicians like Dr. Pamela Jones are helping shape the future of healthcare.

[Mel Robbins]

Mass General Brigham is pushing the frontier of what's possible. Scientists collaborating with clinicians, clinicians pushing forward research.

[Kyra Blackwell]

I think it raises the level of care completely.

[Narrator/Announcer]

To learn more about Mass General, Brigham's multidisciplinary approach to care, go to nytimes.com mgb that's nytimes.com mgb.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Welcome Back with us now is Mel Robbins, who's the author of the Let Them Theory and the Five Second Rule. And she is the host of her own podcast, the Mel Robbins Podcast.

[Rosie Guerin]

It's an incredible show. And Mel, we so, so excited to have you here. Welcome.

[Mel Robbins]

Hi. I'm such a huge fan and I feel like I should give you a bill because I've bought so much stuff based on your recommendations. I swear to God, I will not buy an appliance. I will not buy a small gadget I have more things in my house, from tech bags to other stuff that has made my life better.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Wow.

[Mel Robbins]

Thank you on behalf of all of your fans for being the unsung heroes who are saving us money and recommending things that make our life better.

[Rosie Guerin]

I have to say, the team is just full of people who are so excited about doing the testing to make sure that if you are the person buying the tech bag, that you're not gonna hate it.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes. So thank you.

[Rosie Guerin]

That it's gonna help your life.

[Advertisement Voice]

Okay.

[Rosie Guerin]

So, Mel, if anyone out there doesn't know you, talk about your career trajectory.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Oh, boy.

[Rosie Guerin]

Because you didn't start here.

[Narrator/Announcer]

No.

[Mel Robbins]

So I'm 57, and I think one of the things that I'm very proud of is all of this that you see now, Whether it's the Mel Robbins PO or it's the let them theory, all of this happened after the biggest breakdown in my life at the age of 41. And it is a really cool thing to see that a human being can go from a midlife breakdown where I was $800,000 in debt and everything about my life was falling apart. Three kids under the age of 10, liens on the house, wanting to kill your spouse because that's easier than taking responsibility for fixing it. Just bl it on him or her 16 years later, army crawl my way day by day by day to a completely different life. And so one of the things that talk a lot about, because I've experienced it in my life, is that there are really horrible things that are gonna happen to you. There are unfair things that happen in the world. There are things that you do not deserve that are gonna happen, but it's on you to find a reason to keep going.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

And for me, I realized I had this epiphany that the real challenge in life is how do you make yourself do the little things when you feel discouraged? And that was me. And, you know, I guess I got lucky.

[Kyra Blackwell]

But that's kind of where the let them theory came about, isn't it?

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah. The let them theory is this incredible thing. It has changed my. And it's almost embarrassing because, you know, I look back at a lot of the things that I've talked about. It's easy to put something on social media. It's like, don't care what other people think, you know, just let it go. You know, like, stop trying to control everybody and only control yourself. How. How do you do that?

[Rosie Guerin]

So then let them. What are you.

[Mel Robbins]

This is.

[Rosie Guerin]

It's a thing you can reach for.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, this is a tool. This is like a wire cutter 101.

[Rosie Guerin]

Explain it like it's a wire cutter product.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, I love this.

[Rosie Guerin]

You could go and grab.

[Mel Robbins]

You got it. Okay. So the fastest way to feel more peace and power in your life is to stop trying to control and change other people. Let them have their thoughts, let them have their behavior, let them have their expectations and their opinions, despite how annoying they are. Just let them. Let other people be who they are and who they're not. And then the second part of the theory is you then say, let me. Let me focus on my thoughts, my feelings, my behavior, because that's the only thing I can control. I was making this mistake of thinking that the way to feel more in control in your life is to control other people. The way to have better relationships is to change everybody else. Oh, if only my dad were this way, if only my spouse were this way, if only my kid were this way, then my life would be better. No, your relationships change for the better when you learn how to let people be who they are and who they're not, which is acceptance. And you change yourself. Because when you change yourself, the energy and the dynamic between you and other people changes. And that's where the true transformation comes in. So just today, notice when you start to feel stressed or you are gripping the wheel as you're driving and listening to us and somebody cuts you off and it's like. Or you're taking us for a walk right now and some idiot at the dog park doesn't pick up their. And you're like rude people. And here's what I want you to do. I want you to just say, let them. Somebody schedules a video conference call at 5 o' clock this Friday, let them. And when you say let them, it's just a boundary between you and the outside world. Because the truth is, the one thing you will never be able to change is other people.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Right?

[Mel Robbins]

What they do, what they say. Other people are rude. They can be inconsiderate, they can be emotional, they can have expectations, they have judgments. Let them.

[Rosie Guerin]

We're talking often about spending time with people where there's intimacy and history and a lot of love and maybe a lot of other things. So I'm wondering, thinking about Let them. How, how when you don't wanna lose the love.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Let's be super specific. Like at the holidays, it's usually like, especially when it comes to family, Especially.

[Mel Robbins]

When it comes to family.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Sometimes you're worried that they might be judgmental or they might.

[Mel Robbins]

They are Judgmental. Oh, they definitely are disapproving. And so are you, by the way. Totally. So it's funny. Cause we all sit here and we're like, well, anything's really judgmental. Well, so are you.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Yeah.

[Rosie Guerin]

Right.

[Mel Robbins]

And so first things first. Your family is your family. They are never changing. Because people only change when they're ready to change for themselves. And no amount of judgment. In fact, having opinions and judgments about who people are, who you wish they were, only makes people feel judged and they become more entrenched in who they are.

[Rosie Guerin]

And then it's a push away.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes. And the other thing that I notice, because I just want to normalize something, I think we have families because families are a beautiful thing, but they also teach you how to love people you hate sometimes. That's also why marriages are a really incredible thing, because you can love somebody deeply and just hate them in the moment. And so two things can be true at once. And every single one of us has somebody in our life that we just wish we could be closer to. But for whatever reason, the dynamic is very challenging. There's a mismatch, there's frustration. You don't understand why it can't be easier. You wish it could be easier.

[Rosie Guerin]

You're grieving the idea that there's something that you can't quite get to.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes. And imagine a world where they are two. What happens is, as you're driving to see your family, you now you have expectations you're gripping. You wish it were different, and you're bringing that into the experience. You will experience this completely differently if you are choosing. And let's start there. If you hate your family that much, or they are that abusive or discriminatory or whatever, then don't go. So first of all, if you're choosing to go, it tells me that you value family. We all, like, go, and we're with our family, and we have this fantasy in our mind of how we wish it would go. This is going to help you be in the reality of where it is. And to not allow the things that you wish were different to really upset you. It's radical acceptance. So as you're driving, you're just gonna go, okay, I'm just gonna let my mom be my mom. I'm gonna let my dad be my dad. I'll let my uncle do this uncle thing.

[Kyra Blackwell]

And then you're not gonna bring your mess into the mess and add fuel to the fires.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes, because you're bringing a wish that people were. If you bring the let them theory, you Are walking in with eyes wide open, fully accepting the situation as it is. And if you walk in going, I know my brother in law has narcissistic tendencies. Let him. Why is it my job to parent this dude? Why do I let him get me upset? And then you go, let me, let me remind myself, you get to choose what you think. You get to choose what you do or don't do.

[Kyra Blackwell]

That's kind of leading into my next question though.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Because maybe you do set these boundaries either with yourself or verbally with the people that, you know, you kind of tend to bump heads with. But then maybe somebody crosses a line.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay. And let them totally. Right.

[Kyra Blackwell]

You're like, okay, that's their stuff and that's just on them. But what if you're still having trouble moving through the escalation in that moment?

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, well, then I would walk. So great question. You can't control if somebody else is a jerk. You can't control if somebody gets off on escalating things. You know those people that just love to poke and turn. Okay, great, let them. And now you're gonna do the let me part. In any situation like that, it's all about attention. Every single expert that studies narcissisms recommends that we do something called gray rocking, which means you basically become as boring as a gray rock.

[Advertisement Voice]

That's so good.

[Mel Robbins]

It's so good. That's the let me part. Let me remind myself not every conversation deserves a response. Let me remind myself this idiot does not have to occupy space in my brain or my nervous system. Let him have his opinion. Let me say, I just see the facts differently. I'm gonna go help mom with the chicken.

[Kyra Blackwell]

And you just remove yourself.

[Mel Robbins]

You remove yourself. That's it. That's it. You can leave any dinner table, any text chain, any conversation, any date, any interview, any job, anytime you choose. The people that are challenging, we give them all the power because we tiptoe around. We navigate, we brace, we engage. Imagine a world where you are so solid in your own nervous system, you see people for who they are. Cause people are not confusing, by the way. People are very black and white. If you watch somebody's behavior, you know exactly who they are and where you stand. You can see it coming a mile away. We confuse ourselves because we're upstairs in our head wishing they wouldn't do that. And I can't believe this is happening again. And why can't we all just get along? We've never gotten along. Let them is so important because you're not allowing somebody to escalate. You're not allowing somebody to disrespect you. You're forcing yourself to recognize it, and you choose how you respond to it. That's where your power is. And what I've discovered is that every one of us has people that are very challenging in our lives. And it may be very convenient for a social media influencer to tell you just cut everybody out. Life doesn't work that way. Especially if it's your ex and you have kids together. If it's a parent and you value family or it's your dad's new wife and you want to see your dad, let her be who she is. And let me remind myself I want to stay close to my dad. So I'm going to go in with the let them theory as a boundary. Cause I'm not gonna engage in this nonsense with her, and I don't have to. It's hard to do because our emotions are big and we have big opinions about the way that things should go. And there's grief to your point. But this really is gonna help you navigate what's in my control and what's not. And what's never in your control is another human being. How they act, what they believe, you know, how much they drink. It means that you are recognizing who you're dealing with. And you get to decide what is worth my time, what is not worth my time, what is worth my energy, what is not worth my energy, what is a relationship that I want to spend more time with, what's a relationship that I want to pull back on. And one thing we didn't cover. Just let your family have their opinions about politics. Because right now, one of the things that's really important is it's very easy, depending upon how you voted, to go. You voted for this, right? When somebody feels attacked like that, they double down. It's only through creating a space for being willing to listen and try to understand a little more about. Okay, well, why do you believe that, that we're gonna create this space to be able to talk to each other again? Because I think it's a collective illusion. I think it's a collective illusion how far apart you think you are from people.

[Rosie Guerin]

What do you do if someone says it? Doesn't feel honest? True to myself.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, if somebody has opinions or is behind policies that reject your ability to be who you are, that's a completely different thing. That's discriminatory, and you have to choose what the boundary is for you. But what I will tell you is they'll never change their opinion by you ramming your opinion down theirs or you telling them they're wrong. They change their opinion by having space to have it and watching you have so much grace and so much love. People come around when they have the space to feel that they have come around on their own.

[Rosie Guerin]

Can you say that it's okay for us to pick ourselves? I think I need to hear that from Mel Robbins.

[Mel Robbins]

You have to pick yourself, and this goes back to your values. If you want to have a connection with somebody that has a very discriminatory or offensive point of view, the only way that you can create a relationship with them and still protect yourself is to let them have that opinion. Because what the science says is the more you try to force them to change their opinion, the more they start defending their opinion. And so when you just let them have their opinion and you manage your time and energy around them and you keep showing up with grace, you keep showing up with love. You are grounded and in your body and you are chill. What happens is your change shifts something. It's kind of surprising how people change.

[Rosie Guerin]

We're gonna take a quick break and when we're back, we're gonna dig even deeper with Mel talking about boundaries, boundary setting, and some of the harsher realities during this time of the year. Stick around.

[Advertisement Voice]

As a small business owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early. Your business is on your mind 24 7. So when you're hiring, you need a partner that works just as hard as you do. That hiring partner is LinkedIn Jobs. When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in. LinkedIn makes it easy to post your job for free, share it with your network, and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one one place. Post your job. LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights. Either post your job for free or pay to promote promoted jobs. Get three times more qualified applicants. At the end of the day, the most important thing to your small business is the quality of candidates. And with LinkedIn, you can feel confident that you're getting the best. Find out why more than 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring today. Find your next great hire on LinkedIn. Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com that's LinkedIn.com Wirecutter to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hear that? That's what it sounds like when you plant more trees than you harvest. Work done by thousands of working forest professionals like Adam, a district forest manager who works to protect our forests from fires.

[Forest Expert]

Keeping the forest fire resistant synonymous with keeping a forest healthy. And we do that that through planting more than we harvest and mitigate those risks through active management. It's a long term commitment.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Visit workingforestsinitiative.com to learn more.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Welcome back. We're here with Mel Robbins. So, Mel, we want to give you a few hypothetical examples.

[Mel Robbins]

Some real specific ones.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Let's go. And then you just give us your best advice.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, so the first scenario.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Let's say that you're hosting for the holidays. How would you recommend pacing yourself to avoid burnout? Because you know when you're hosting you have to think about everything from like, the way that your house looks, the food, the relationships. How are you going to facilitate those relationships to make sure that it's like the best outcome possible.

[Mel Robbins]

What's your advice? That sounds like a lot of pressure. Okay, well, first of all, every one of those decisions is about impressing somebody else. As much as we try, you are cannot control somebody else's experience. And if I don't get the place settings right, or if the cranberry thing burns, or if I don't get the timing of the turkey and we end up eating two hours late. Let people be agitated, Let them be disappointed. Let them have their opinions. Let them, let them, let them. Now let me focus on what I really wanna do. Because it means I am doing Thanksgiving or hosting in the way that I want to do it. That's it. Like, that's it. You could spend a bazillion dollars. You could Pinterest out your table. You could make 17 different things. You could have party games that we see go viral. You could have beautiful gifts for everybody. And somebody at the table is gonna lean over and be like, this turkey's really dry. Yeah, let her. Because you can't control that, so don't let it bother you. And by the way, she's entitled to her opinion. And it might be dry. Let her. Yeah, and let me remind myself that I'm doing all of this. Cause I just wanna put in my best for my family. Cause it matters to me, not because I wanna impress them, but one of my values is going over and above because that's just one of my love languages. And if I'm happy with how this looks, then it doesn't matter what everybody else thinks. Because instead of doing it for them, do it for you. And this kind of plays with guilt too. Like a lot of us Bend over backwards for guilt around this time of year, like, oh, I should do this, I should do that. Well, here's how you manage guilt. If somebody's disappointed that you can't make it to both the Friday night thing and the Saturday night thing and the Sunday night thing, let them be disappointed. Because let's look at disappointment with family. It's a beautiful thing. Like imagine the opposite.

[Kyra Blackwell]

They just don't care.

[Mel Robbins]

Thank God she's not coming. Why are they disappointed that you're not there?

[Rosie Guerin]

There's love there.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes. And there's an expectation that somebody doesn't know how to manage with their own emotions. So they project it on you. Correct. Let them be disappointed. Your parents, your aunt, your uncle, your grandma, they're grown ups, they can handle disappointment. You're gonna let them be disappointed and then you're gonna go to the let me part and say, well, let me ask you, what do I value? I really value family. And I also have had a crazy hectic week at work. And I am not leaving New York City at 4 o' clock on Wednesday night to sit in nine hours of traffic. So I'm gonna leave on Thursday morning. And if that means I'm not there Wednesday night, let them be disappointed. They're disappointed cause they love me, take care of myself and know that we're all gonna be okay.

[Rosie Guerin]

Do you ever think of the let me as the starting point? The way of framing?

[Mel Robbins]

So that's a great question. Nobody's ever asked me that. I don't think it's possible. And here's why. You are so clueless to how much you are navigating your day to day life based on the moods, expectations, stress of other people. And until you start saying the let them part and you put up a boundary and you start to recognize how often other people are occupying space in your mind because you're worried about what they think or other people are like stressing you out because you've absorbed their disappointment. Until you fully detach from that reflexive behavior, you have no clue how much time and energy you have. And you have no clue what's possible.

[Rosie Guerin]

I'm wondering if the let them theory and let them and let me is contingent on knowing at least a little bit who you are and what you are.

[Mel Robbins]

I think you discover it. I think you discover it because you can't know who you are if your entire life is organized to please other people. You can't. The more you create this space. And this is the beautiful thing about the let them theory is again you picked up on it. Can we start with the let me part? Because I think this is. You're exactly right. People love Let them. Cause it's so judgy and other people are so annoying. And works immediately. It relieves your number one source of stress by teaching you radical acceptance. Then comes the part, the let me part, which is, okay, now, how do I show up if I can't make my life better by changing everybody else around me? How do I change myself so that my relationships are better the more that you use? Let them. Let them have their opinions. Let them have their disappointment. Let them not understand my dreams. Let them not be as supportive as I would like them to be. Let them be a little cold to the person that I'm dating. Let them. Let them. Let them. Let them, Let them. You're creating this beautiful space where you're operating from compassion and acceptance. You're giving people the dignity of their own experience, and you're not getting reactive. You know, like, mom, I appreciate that you're disappointed, and I'm gonna take off after dinner. Let me leave. You are in control. And so what happens is. And this is what I've discovered in my relationships, the most challenging relationships have become way more peaceful because guess what? I'm less judg. Mel.

[Kyra Blackwell]

We usually ask all of our guests one last question. What's the last thing you bought that you've really loved?

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, well, I've bought a ton of things that I really love, but I wore something specifically as a tribute to wire cutter. This is my favorite thing that I own.

[Rosie Guerin]

Can you describe what we're looking at here?

[Mel Robbins]

Yes. So what I have is I've got on a belt that I bought on Etsy 10 years ago.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Wow.

[Mel Robbins]

And the belt buckle is a black and white photo of my children. Beautiful kids when they were like, 8 and 7 and 2. I have worn this thing for 10 years on the road, and everybody comments on it. It is the best way to travel with your children. Travel on the belt. They're always with you. Then as a woman, nobody hits on you at a hotel bar. If you've got your children on your belt buckle, you know, as you're sitting there having a burger and I get so many comments. It is the coolest thing to. And as somebody that's traveled a lot from work and as a working mom, it was just a way to just feel like my family was with me when I would be traveling. And so you can find it anywhere. It's one of my favorite gifts to give people. And I'VE had this thing for 10 years.

[Rosie Guerin]

This is Mel Robbins formal pitch to Wirecutter to make it a pick.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah, you should. But I don't know who to pick. Cause there's so many people that make them. I don't know how you navigate that.

[Rosie Guerin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mel Robbins]

They're so.

[Rosie Guerin]

We'll do the legwork.

[Mel Robbins]

They're so great. That's such a cool thing to do for yourself.

[Rosie Guerin]

Thank you so much, Mel.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, can we talk microwaves now?

[Rosie Guerin]

Yeah, let's talk microwaves. Let's talk air fryers. Mel's book, the Let Them Theory is available wherever you like to buy books. And that's it for us. But stay tuned this week to the podcast feed because we've got a special series kicking off on Friday and it's all about gifting. If you're struggling to come up with what to give this holiday season, we got you. In the first episode, we're going to hear from Wirecutter staffers about the things they loved the most in 2025. It's going to be fun. The Wirecutter show is executive produced by me, Rosie Guerin, and produced by Abigail Keel. Engineering support from Matty Mazziello and Nick Pittman. Today's episode was mixed by Katherine Anderson. Original music by Dan Powell, Marion Lozano, Alicia E. Toupe, Rowan Misto, Katherine Anderson and Diane Wong. Cliff Levy is Wirecutter's deputy publisher and general manager. Ben Fruman is Wirecutter's editor in chief.

[Kyra Blackwell]

I'm Kyra Blackwell.

[Rosie Guerin]

And I'm Rose. Rosie Guerin. Thank you for listening.

[Mel Robbins]

Have you ever had an experience where you're standing in a long line at a grocery store?

[Forest Expert]

Ugh.

[Rosie Guerin]

It's the worst.

[Mel Robbins]

Yes.

[Rosie Guerin]

Uh huh.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay. Describe what is happening in your body as you're. It's like, beep, beep.

[Rosie Guerin]

Yeah, I'm shuffling. I'm like, scared to see somebody's gonna.

[Kyra Blackwell]

Come open up a new line or something.

[Mel Robbins]

Exactly.

[Rosie Guerin]

I'm maybe muttering because the person in front of me is like, every tomato. Like, you picked the tomato, keep it pushing. And now I'm annoyed.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay.

[Rosie Guerin]

And why can't we all subscribe to the same laws in society? And if we all did it, then this would all be better.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, thank you. Thank you.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hear that? That's what it sounds like when you plant more trees than you harvest. Work done by thousands of working forest professionals like Adam, a district forest manager who works to protect our forests from fires.

[Forest Expert]

Keeping the forest fire resistant, synonymous with keeping a forest healthy. And we do that through planting more than we harvest and mitigate those risks through active management. It's a long term commitment.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Visit workingforestsinitiative.com to learn more.