108. Feedback vs. Criticism

Summary

The Working Genius Podcast with Patrick Lencioni

Episode: Feedback vs. Criticism

Date: March 10, 2026
Host: Patrick Lencioni (Pat)
Co-Host: Cody Thompson

Episode Overview

In this episode, Pat and Cody explore the subtle but powerful distinction between feedback and criticism, focusing on how the Working Genius framework can make feedback more constructive, empathetic, and actionable. They share personal stories and practical advice for delivering feedback that honors individual wiring—both in the workplace and at home—while avoiding unintended criticism that can drain people’s motivation or reinforce self-doubt.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Importance of Filtering Feedback Through Working Genius

• Starting Point:
  Pat opens by emphasizing the difference between effective feedback and criticism:

  “When we go to give people feedback, the first thing we need to do is pass it through the filter of working genius.” [00:00]

• Rationale:
  Truly impactful feedback requires understanding whether a person’s natural strengths or “genius” are at play, and resisting the urge to send the message that their core qualities are a problem.

Feedback vs. Criticism: The Working Genius Approach

• Different Frameworks:
  Traditional coaching methods like the “Oreo Cookie” (compliment-critique-compliment) feel mechanical and miss the point:

  “It’s like you’re not setting somebody up for a direct piece of feedback... This is what you’re saying is like, hey, we’re wired in a certain way.” (Cody) [03:09]

• Avoiding Character Judgments:
  Instead of framing feedback as a character flaw, recognize it as someone's natural wiring:

  "Until we pass it through their working genius profile, we might very well be criticizing them for being the person God made them to be.” (Pat) [02:37]

• Personal Example:
  Pat shares an anecdote involving his wife, explaining how reflecting on her Working Genius altered his approach from correction to collaboration:

  “I love this about you... However, in these certain circumstances, could you try to override that?” [03:58]

The “Fundamental Attribution Error” in Feedback

• Concept Explanation:
  Pat explains that people tend to attribute others’ actions to character flaws, while excusing their own as situational:

  “We attribute other people’s behaviors, that they have a character flaw... When we go to give people feedback, we should start by saying, I wonder why they act this way.” [05:02]

• Applied to Working Genius:
  Cody illustrates this with an Inventor (Pat’s profile), noting how someone can wrongly infer egotism when it’s simply a natural tendency:

  “One is a character assignment... The other is me understanding that you’re wired that way.” [06:50]

Leading with Grace and Appreciation

• Shifting the Tone:
  Feedback should begin with appreciation of someone’s natural strengths, even when requesting change:

  “All the things I’m giving them feedback about are them doing things according to their Myers Briggs and their working genius. It’s just not always appropriate. And so the first thing I need to do is go in there and go, I know why you’re doing this.” (Pat) [10:27]

• Neighbor Story:
  Cody shares a story of a neighbor who takes out everyone’s trash cans, highlighting the importance of viewing actions through a lens of enablement, not annoyance. [09:12–10:13]

Practical Feedback in Action–Work & Home

• The Gift of Feedback:
  Not all feedback lands as a “gift” if it feels like a “baseball bat.”

  “If the gift is a baseball bat, you’re bludgeoning somebody over the head with it and you’re criticizing them, that’s hard to receive.” (Cody) [11:36]

• Working Genius in Boardrooms:
  Cody recounts how a colleague’s feedback (about slowing down his galvanizing for client processing) was powerful because it respected his genius:

  “That was a true gift of feedback. Didn’t come across as criticism.” (Cody) [12:44]

• Reciprocity:
  Feedback goes both ways—sometimes the Discerners need to be encouraged to make decisions, just as Galvanizers sometimes need to slow down for reflection. [13:15–13:54]
• Home Life Applications:
  Cody details how understanding his wife’s Tenacity helped him see her to-do lists as her genius at work, reducing conflict and deepening appreciation:

  “With the language of working genius, it’s so much easier to say, hey, I know that that is your gift... Let’s go back and redo all the geniuses in order and see where we end up...” (Cody) [15:29]

The Need for Regulation, Not Excuse

• Genius ≠ Excuse:
  Appreciating someone’s genius doesn’t mean excusing everything—they still need to regulate behaviors for the team or family:

  “It’s not an excuse. It’s like, ‘Oh, Cody, I’m really sorry T is in your lowest area... You still have to mop the floor.’” (Pat) [16:33] “I’m going to give you grace... but it’s not like, oh, I’m off the hook.” [16:42]

• Reflection for Leaders and Parents:
  The real goal:

  “Every time I talk to somebody... I need to start by understanding their working genius and acknowledging why it serves them and it serves the team in most circumstances.” (Pat) [13:15]

• Regulation:
  Everyone, especially those in leadership or parenting, must learn to “regulate” their own genius for the good of the group. [16:41]

Final Takeaway

• Pat closes by inviting listeners to consciously factor in Working Genius whenever offering feedback:

  “Ask yourself, how would knowledge of their working geniuses, competencies and frustrations influence how I would explain this in a way they can hear and regulate without feeling unfair and unnecessary shame.” (Pat) [17:27]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Power of Being Seen:

  “People want to be seen and known for who they are.” (Pat) [01:42]

• On Feedback vs. Criticism:

  “The difference between giving somebody feedback that’s effective, that they can receive and act on, and them feeling insulted and even tempted to argue back with you is often just understanding they’re doing that with good intentions...” (Pat) [00:00, restated at 07:05]

• On Fundamental Attribution:

  “We attribute other people’s behaviors... that they have a character flaw or they’re doing it on purpose... When we cut somebody off in traffic, we’re like, oh, no, I’m just late, or I’m stressed, or, I didn’t know where I was going. We give ourselves the benefit of the doubt.” (Pat) [05:02]

• On Feedback as a True Gift:

  “If the gift is a baseball bat, you’re bludgeoning somebody over the head with it and you’re criticizing them, that’s hard to receive. Working genius gives a language for how do we receive feedback in a really... what feels like a gift?” (Cody) [11:36]

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Timeline of Key Segments

• 00:00–01:52 – Introduction, context for the episode, the need for feedback through the lens of Working Genius.
• 01:52–03:58 – Introducing the topic; why filtering feedback matters at work and at home.
• 03:58–06:08 – Pat’s personal story about feedback with his wife; discussing fundamental attribution error.
• 06:08–07:05 – Cody’s illustration using Pat’s Inventor genius; avoiding character judgment.
• 07:05–09:06 – Anticipating objections, making people feel seen; preventing the negative feedback spiral.
• 09:06–10:27 – The “trash can neighbor” parable: interpreting actions with grace.
• 10:27–12:44 – Feedback at work: starting with appreciation; using real examples from consulting.
• 12:44–13:54 – Reciprocating feedback; importance of adjusting based on situational needs.
• 13:54–16:42 – Bringing the concept home: family, household chores, and understanding reciprocal frustrations.
• 16:42–17:51 – The balance of grace and regulation; regulation as a vital skill for adults and leaders.
• 17:51–end – Final summary and reflection prompts for listeners.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Always begin feedback with an appreciation of genius, not as a veiled critique of someone’s core nature.
• Use Working Genius language to avoid misattributions—recognize differences in wiring as neutral or positive, not faults.
• Offer feedback as a true gift—empathetic, actionable, and kind—never as a “baseball bat.”
• Remember regulation: just because something is someone’s genius doesn’t exempt them from adapting for the greater good.
• Apply this at home, not just work: better understanding reduces friction and deepens relationships everywhere.

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The Working Genius Podcast Contact

• Continue engaging with the show for more real-world applications of the Working Genius model.
• Pat and Cody invite listener feedback and stories about using these methods in their own lives.

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End of Summary.

Transcript

[A]

When we go to give people feedback, the first thing we need to do is pass it through the filter of working genius. The difference between giving somebody feedback that's effective, that they can receive and act on, and them feeling insulted and even tempted to argue back with you is often just understanding they're doing that with good intentions, and they're willing to hear it as long as you understand that. But when it's rooted in their working genius, the last thing we want to do is come across like we're criticizing them and saying there's something wrong with them or they need to fundamentally change who they are. Welcome to the Working Genius podcast, where we discuss anything and everything having to do with the six types of working genius and how it impacts your work and your life. I'm Pat Lyncione, your host, with Cody Thompson, my co host. How's it going, Cody?

[B]

Doing well, Pat. I was just thinking we say anything and everything having to do with working genius, and we definitely do that. I mean, we're in, like, episode 150. We are, like, sometimes way out here on the edges of working genius, which is fun.

[A]

Yeah. There's always something to talk about, and so much of it comes from talking to other people. I will tell you this. I went to mass this morning. On the way out of church after mass, the pastor stops me and says, I got to tell you something. One of my employees came up to me right before mass and said, I'm a we. It's the greatest thing ever. And he is certified in working genius. And he was saying somebody was running up to him, one of his staff members, right before mass, telling him that. So that we get so much feedback and wonderful noise about this that it makes it easy to have podcasts.

[B]

Yeah, that's what makes it fun. I think the personal aha's the freedom it brings. Just knowing how you're wired and what you bring to work and to your relationships, all of that is. There's a lot of freedom there. So it is fun. I love it.

[A]

What I said to Father today is I said, people want to be seen and known for who they are. And he was like, absolutely. All right, so it's fun to do this. Today's top title is what Cody?

[B]

Criticism versus Feedback.

[A]

That's right. Criticism versus Feedback. Now, that might sound boring, but I'm so interested in this because there's something very rich going on here, and I'm going through this right now in as a manager and really leaning into this. And one of the things I realized, and it doesn't just apply at work. It also applies at home and applies with my wife and my kids, but it applies at work a lot. And that is when we go to give people feedback. When we see something that we need to ask somebody to change, the first thing we need to do is pass it through the filter of working genius. Myers Briggs is not a bad way to do it, too. But working genius is so perfect for this because so often the thing we need to give people feedback or. And it feels like we're correcting them or criticizing them, but we're not. We're just saying we need you to change something in certain circumstances. But when it's rooted in their working genius, the last thing we want to do is come across like we're criticizing them and saying there's something wrong with them, or they need to fundamentally change who they are. And until we pass it through their working genius profile, we might very well be criticizing them for being the person God made them to be.

[B]

Well, I love that this is like one of your primary filters for feedback because there's so many bad ones out there. Like, oh, it's the Oreo cookie method, where you give a compliment, then you give them something that they can work on, and then you end in a compliment. It's like that's. That's never felt good to anybody. Right. It's like you're not setting somebody up for a direct, you know, piece of feedback and just making sure you couch it in some, you know, more palatable, you know, like language for what they're good at. This is what you're saying is like, hey, we're wired in a certain way. It's okay to go to somebody and say, hey, I know this is how you're wired in this circumstance, in this, you know, setting that can come across this way. You should just be aware of it. It. If you come across in terms of criticism, they're going to be like, man, the very thing I feel best at, you're telling me not to do. What do you mean by that? That can be really damaging.

[A]

Right? Exactly. This came about this weekend to me. My wife and I were in the car for a long time. We love driving together and talking. And something came up. We were talking about our family and how we do things, and I realized I needed to ask her to do something differently for the sake of our family and for. I was getting overwhelmed with stuff. And I thought, well, I'm actually asking her to do something against the grain of her working genius. Well, that needs to inform everything about How I go about approaching her in that. And I need to go, I love this about you. I know this is how you're wired, and. And it's a wonderful thing. I'm not gonna tell you that you're not wonderful, and I don't love this about you. However, in these certain circumstances, could you try to override that in these circumstances? Because I need this, or the family needs this. That is so much easier for her to hear than, hey, why don't you do this? And I hate to sound. I mean, we've all done this in our lives. And I know before working genius, I never thought to first understand whether she was doing something very natural for her or whether she was. You know, the fundamental attribution error lies at the heart of this. Cody. You know, the fundamental attribution error is that idea that we attribute other people's behaviors, that they have a character flaw or they're doing it on purpose. So if the guy that cuts us off in traffic on the road, we're like, what a jerk. He did that on purpose. He's rude and he doesn't care. He's probably, you know, out here, we're like, he's probably from California. Because people drive differently in Tennessee. They're very friendly. And then when we cut somebody off in traffic, we're like, oh, no, I'm just late, or I'm stressed, or, I didn't know where I was going. We give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. When we go to give people feedback, we should start by saying, I wonder why they act this way. And oftentimes, more often than not, it's because they're actually wired that way, and it's their natural tendency. And if we don't take that into consideration, we're going to flip the guy off that cuts us off in traffic, which is completely. It's always inappropriate to do that. It's. It's actually treating him in a way that's not understanding what's going on with him.

[B]

I actually love that you brought up fundamental attribution error. And I would just do a complete carbon copy of that character assignment of his character and working genius. It could be like this, hey, Pat, you're an inventor. If you invent in the wrong part of the project or type of work, I could go, pat's always just coming up with ideas. He always wants it to be his idea, even when it's not necessary. He's egotistical because constantly is coming up with ideas. Or I can be like, pat's an inventor. That's Part of how he's wired is to come up with ideas. And, Pat, there are certain circumstances where maybe it's not the right time for you to present new ideas, you know?

[A]

Right.

[B]

One is a character assignment, like, oh, somehow there's some. Some, like, ego behind the fact that you come up with ideas. The other is me understanding that you're wired that way. And you do it sometimes, even when you don't mean to. And so there's more grace involved when you do it that way.

[A]

And if I come to your OPS meetings, Cody, and I'm coming up with new ideas, which is not the purpose of the meeting, you could approach me and go, you know, you're really disruptive at my meetings. Then I feel like, oh, man, he's attributing. Maybe I am. What's wrong with me? But wait, when I do that, I'm not. Or you can go, hey, I love that you come up with new ideas. And I'm going to ask you a big favor when you come to those meetings, if you could kind of hold that in. Because what I really need is people to be focused on the plan. That's totally different. I mean, this sounds so crazy and subtle and almost kindergarten ish, but the difference between giving somebody feedback that's effective that they can receive and act on, and them feeling insulted and even tempted to argue back with you is often just understanding they're doing that with good intentions and they're willing to hear it.

[B]

As long as you understand that, yeah, it goes back. Actually, we didn't put this in the notes, but I even think there's a element to this that's tied up in sort of anticipating objections. You know, we talked about this on the podcast many times. And then also people want to feel seen. And so there's this certain way of, if you know how somebody's wired and you enter the conversation, you're anticipating objections. Like, hey, I know you love coming up with ideas. That's awesome. We love that about you. There are ways that we can leverage that even more in this circumstance, it can be disruptive because that's not the right setting for ideation. But let's find more opportunities to do that. That's like them feeling seen otherwise. If you don't. If you don't anticipate objections or make them feel known, they're going to be like, well, I'm only doing that to serve people. Like, I only come up with ideas because I want to give the gift of my genius to other people. And then it feels like Criticism. And then it can go. It spirals into sort of self doubt, maybe even withholding your genius because you've been, you know, criticized in a way where they're like, well, I don't want to do the disruptive thing, even though I have some thoughts. And so it can spiral out of control if you don't. If you're not really understanding the person that's sitting across from you.

[A]

And it's about leading with grace. You were telling me yesterday about a story about the guy in your neighborhood. Tell the story about that guy.

[B]

The trash can guy?

[A]

Yeah, trash can guy.

[B]

The first year I lived there, you know, I don't have tenacity, so I often forget when trash day is. And I thought there was this guy. I didn't know what happened. But on mornings where I would wake up early and be like, oh man, I missed trash. I'd drive out of my driveway and my trash can would be out. And it was like probably a year before I figured out who this guy is. But there's a guy, we live in like a 50 home circle and there's no other neighborhoods around us, and he must wake up early in the morning, 5am and he walks and finds everybody's trash cans and that aren't out and he pulls them out. And then if you still haven't put your cans back after a certain time, he'll go put them back. I saw him once late at night, he's got a shovel and he's like shoveling people's gutters on a walk. And I was like, man, if you were a neighbor that interpreted that as not enablement, you'd be like, what is this guy doing? You know, like, get off my lawn cringing. Get off my yard. But he literally walks the neighborhood and serves everybody in the neighborhood and he loves it.

[A]

And it's an extreme example, but you come home at night and you see this guy in there pulling out your garbage can and you're like, dude, what are you doing?

[B]

Or like, you make me look like a bad husband or father or neighbor or something. You know what I mean? I could make it a self assessment.

[A]

Exactly. So I'm giving somebody feedback today. But. And I realized, literally I thought I was going to criticize them. And I thought, actually, I'm not. I'm going to go appreciate them. I'm starting with appreciation because all the things I'm giving them feedback about are. Are them doing things according to their Myers Briggs and their working genius. And it's just not always appropriate. And so the first thing I need to do is go in there and go, I know why you're doing this. And just so you know, it's because of how you're wired and it's your talent. Now here's how I need you to regulate. That's one of the things. We talked to Traci about it. This is really about regulating your working genius and your Myers Briggs in order to make it work for the rest of the team. I would have gone in there and I've done this in my career in the past unknowingly and criticized her for actually just being the person she's supposed to be. It's frightening to think about how many times do people get feedback where it could almost be a source of praise and then requested adjustment, but they get criticized and they feel bad about being good.

[B]

Yeah, you know, I don't know where to attribute this. I've heard it a lot of places. But the idea that feedback is a gift. Right, Right. And we should receive it that way. But if the gift is a baseball bat, you're bludgeoning somebody over the head with it and you're criticizing them, that's hard to receive. And so I think that working genius gives a language for how do we receive feedback in a really. What feels like a gift? And I'll even, you know, you're using a hypothetical one. Krista Cutrula, who's been on this podcast and who is a working genius certified expert, one of our consultants and, you know, master facilitator in our certification program. We were with a client together, and I'm a discerner galvanizer, and I like figuring it out really quickly and kind of pushing people towards the right answer. And I'm kind of annoyed when it slows down. She has wonder, which is she uses in a beautiful way with clients to ask them really provocative questions and get them on the right track and discernment. And so after the first day of the off site, she was giving me feedback as it relates to working genius. She said, hey, I know you're a discerner, and I think you're great at that. But sometimes in the client setting, you can skip over their own processing and arrive at the answer too quickly. Curiosity is a form of vulnerability. So she's like, if you go just to what you do really well, discern or galvanize, figure it out and rally them around the right answer. That can be kind of jarring for people. If you. If you started with a little more curiosity, I bet it would land better that was a gift for me, you know, like that. That was a true gift of feedback. Didn't come across as criticism. And it's actually served me really well in boardrooms and client meetings from that point on.

[A]

And you could turn that around. There could be a time in a meeting where the client is really a little bit stuck. And if Krista's relying on her W a little bit more, you can go, hey, Krista, I love how curious you are and how open you are to subtleties and things, but there may be a point in a meeting where you need to just go, we're going to make a decision and move forward. And your W, which is a wonderful thing, you might need to regulate that. I mean, it makes me think that every time I talk to somebody about anything that is even slightly corrective or feedback oriented, I need to start by understanding their working genius and acknowledging why it serves them and it serves the team in most circumstances.

[B]

Oh, let's do a real dangerous one at home. Pat, I mean, you'd already sort of talked about with Laura. My wife is a discerner. Tenacity, right? So she has. Tenacity is pretty heavy genius for her. And so this is a really careful area to navigate. But like, we. We have regularly had this. When we have company that is about to come over, she has a list of things that she wants to check off. You know, like, we're buying groceries. We're ho. She's a. She's an incredible host, right? And then very regularly on that list was like, mop the floors. And I remember a time where we were hosting a family that had two dogs that were going to come live with us. And on her list was mop the floors. And I was like, if I had working genius language back then, I would be like, hey, I love that you do all of this stuff. You know, that none of this, you know, your list before we host is what makes people have such a great experience being at our home. I think your desire to check everything off that list can sometimes add to stress and maybe not be fully discerned. Like, do we need to mop the floors before these dogs get here? You know, tell me what you probably said. Yeah, yeah, but I didn't. I didn't have the language of discernment and tenacity. I just. It was her way of being like, no, this is on the list. I need to check this off. With the language of working genius, it's so much easier to say, hey, I know that that is your gift. Like, you, you are wired to want to check all those things off. Let's go back and, like, redo all the geniuses in order and see where we end up with what should we actually really get to the finish line before our guest?

[A]

You know, it's funny, Cody, I think that sometimes I can see us almost saying, why are you like that? And it's like, because I'm a dt.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why are you always asking, well, questions? Well, I'm a. I'm a wg or whatever else. It's almost like those rhetorical, accusational, judging questions we say to people, especially at home, are often the answer to those questions is, oh, because God wired me that way. And if that's not appropriate, then why don't you start by appreciating me and then maybe steering a little bit more.

[B]

Well, and ironically, that's the very question that was asked to you that sparked working genius. Why are you like that?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I think it goes both ways. Right. It's like, why are you like that? As related to your geniuses? You're. You're a discerner, tenacity person. Like, why. Why do you do those things? My wife very regularly could say to me, I have zero tenacity, and we have lots of things on my honey do list. Why are you like that? Why can't you check all those things off? And there's a explanation for the frustration side as well. Like, it's hard for me to do those things. So it kind of goes both ways.

[A]

Yeah. And it's interesting because it goes back to. It's not an excuse. It's like, oh, Cody, I'm really sorry. T is in your lowest area. That's really too bad. You still have to mop the floor before they get here.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I'm going to give you grace. I know it's hard for you. I'm going to appreciate it. But it's not like, oh, I'm off the hook. It's just. It really helps for somebody to go, I know this is a pain for you, but I need you to do it. We all have to regulate. I think regulation is one of those words that people are talking about now in therapy and everywhere else. We all have to regulate our behavior. Sometimes we're regulating our behavior that's just wound driven. Sometimes we're regulating our behavior that we naturally do because the situation calls for us to do that. And when you're a parent or a manager, you don't get to walk around and just act in your genius. You have to regulate your genius sometimes And a great way to learn that is to meet the people that are working for you and say, let me help you with what you're doing, but I'm going to first appreciate who you are.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

I think this is such a powerful thing. The next time you go to give feedback to your kids, your spouse, your friends, your co workers, the people that work for you, ask yourself, how would knowledge of their working geniuses, competencies and frustrations influence how? I would explain this in a way they can hear and regulate without feeling unfair and unnecessary shame.

[B]

I think that's great.

[A]

All right, that's it. We like short podcasts. You know, one of the things I should tell everybody, Cody and I like, we change our shirt if we do two podcasts in the same day because we don't want it to look the same. But most of our listeners listen in the car or on their. On a jog or on a walk. We don't get a lot of people viewing it. And so we go through a lot of trouble to look beautiful like this. And we, the dozens of people that do watch us on YouTube, we want to tell you that we really try hard for you.

[B]

I think there's a reason there's not a lot of visual viewers of the show.

[A]

I'm going to attribute it to being we have short podcasts that they could listen to in the car.

[B]

Yeah, let's do that.

[A]

Hey, thanks for listening to us, everybody. We love your passion for working genius, and we love it, too. So we'll talk to you next time on the Working Genius podcast. God bless.