Podcast Summary: The World and Everything In It

Episode Title: A Deeper Look at Adoption
Release Date: April 4, 2025
Host: Lindsay Mast
Guest: Kam Lee Small, Licensed Clinical Counselor and Author of The Adoptee's Journey: From Loss and Trauma to Healing and Empowerment

Introduction

In this special edition of The World and Everything In It, host Lindsay Mast explores the multifaceted experiences of adoptees, delving into both the joyous and challenging aspects of adoption. Building upon a recent report from South Korea's Truth and Reconciliation Commission—which held the government accountable for rights violations against children and birth parents—Mast emphasizes the importance of understanding the complex emotions and struggles that adoptees may face, even within supportive communities.

Guest Introduction: Kam Lee Small's Story

Timestamp: [00:07 - 01:24]

Lindsay Mast introduces Kam Lee Small, an adoptee from South Korea who was brought to the United States at a young age. Raised by a white family in Wisconsin, Kam has transformed his personal experiences into a mission to help other adoptees navigate their own journeys. As a licensed clinical counselor and author, Kam seeks to address the deep-seated pain and trauma that many adoptees carry, advocating for a more nuanced and compassionate understanding of adoption within faith communities.

Personal Experiences and Challenges of Being an Adopted Asian-American

Timestamp: [01:26 - 03:14]

Kam shares his early life in Korea and the tragic accident that led to his adoption by a white family in Wisconsin. He reflects on the lack of resources and prevailing narratives during the 1980s that made it difficult for adoptees to process their identities and experiences. Kam emphasizes the necessity of openly discussing the layers of trauma that can accompany adoption, moving beyond the simplistic "happily ever after" stories often associated with adoption.

The Adoptee's Journey: Beyond a Linear Path

Timestamp: [03:19 - 04:32]

Kam elaborates on the concept of The Adoptee's Journey, clarifying that it is not a straightforward progression from loss to empowerment. Instead, the journey encompasses a wide range of emotions, including grief, curiosity, and empowerment. He advocates for inclusive conversations that allow adoptees to express their sorrow and seek healing, thereby developing resources that honor their unique stories and foster personal growth.

Neurodevelopment and the Impact of Early Separation

Timestamp: [04:41 - 06:22]

Addressing the psychological and physiological effects of early separation from birth parents, Kam discusses how such trauma can disrupt the development of the nervous system. He explains that developmental trauma—occurring from ages 0 to 6—can affect an adoptee's ability to perceive safety, cope with threats, and contribute positively to their environment. Despite these challenges, Kam offers hope by highlighting available resources and the potential for healing through self-reflection and community support.

Grief and the Concept of Ambiguous Loss

Timestamp: [06:33 - 09:19]

Kam challenges the prevalent notion that adoption is solely a joyous event by introducing the idea of grief as an inherent part of the adoptee experience. He defines grief as the internal response to the loss of one's birth family and identity. The concept of ambiguous loss—where adoptees feel the presence of their birth family emotionally while they are physically absent—complicates the grieving process. Kam stresses the importance of providing socially and spiritually sanctioned avenues for adoptees to mourn and process their emotions.

Effects of Silence and Lack of Support on Adoptees

Timestamp: [09:19 - 13:17]

Kam highlights the detrimental impact of silence surrounding adoption within families and communities. Whether through implicit messages or outright statements discouraging discussions about birth families, adoptees are often left without the language or support to explore their identities and emotions. This silence can lead to feelings of isolation and unpreparedness when adoptees encounter triggers later in life. Kam advocates for proactive "adoption literacy," equipping adoptees with the tools to navigate their emotions and fostering environments where their stories are acknowledged and honored.

Adoption and Faith: Navigating Complex Narratives

Timestamp: [13:17 - 17:25]

The conversation shifts to the intersection of adoption and Christian faith. While many Christians view adoption as a manifestation of their faith through caring for orphans, Kam warns that overly simplistic narratives can be harmful. He argues for a broader understanding of faith that includes supporting family preservation and addressing the systemic issues that lead to adoption. Kam encourages faith communities to create ministries and resources that acknowledge the diverse experiences of adoptees, ensuring that their spiritual and emotional needs are met.

Reframing Adoption Support and Future Directions

Timestamp: [17:25 - 20:06]

In response to concerns about the negative experiences highlighted in his book, Kam clarifies that he does not discourage adoption but rather calls for improved post-adoption support and addressing the root causes that necessitate adoption in the first place. He emphasizes the importance of community involvement in creating supportive environments for adoptees, ensuring that their entire stories are honored and that they have access to the resources necessary for healing and personal growth.

Conclusion

Lindsay Mast wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of recognizing and addressing the complex emotions and challenges faced by adoptees. Kam Lee Small's insights underscore the need for open conversations, supportive communities, and comprehensive resources that honor the full spectrum of the adoptee experience. By fostering an environment where adoptees feel seen and supported, faith communities and society at large can contribute to the healing and empowerment of those who have experienced adoption.

Notable Quotes:

• Kam Lee Small [01:32]: "I really kind of came into this sort of consciousness… to help other adoptees and just cheer for others who are on a similar path."

• Kam Lee Small [03:19]: "Adoption… is often framed by happily ever after kinds of narratives. We can widen the scope of that to say… there are layers of lament or sorrow or grief."

• Kam Lee Small [04:41]: "The separation from a caregiver at any age can leave a long lasting imprint on the body's development of a nervous system."

• Kam Lee Small [07:46]: "When we don't give a child access to that, then maybe they come head on to that in college… and they have no trail of practice or categories in their brain and body for how to sit with discomfort."

• Kam Lee Small [13:32]: "There are more than one way to sort of live out sort of quote unquote, God's plan. Family preservation could be God's plan too."

• Kam Lee Small [17:42]: "How can we reframe that question to say that when children are adopted… what are the post adoption supports that have been overlooked for far too long."

About the Guest: Kam Lee Small

Kam Lee Small is a licensed clinical counselor and author based in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Through his book, The Adoptee's Journey: From Loss and Trauma to Healing and Empowerment, Kam provides valuable insights and resources for adoptees seeking to understand and heal from their adoption experiences.

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