The Zach Lowe Show – "League Pass Rankings Part 1" with Rob Mahoney
Podcast: The Zach Lowe Show
Date: October 20, 2025
Host: Zach Lowe (The Ringer)
Guest: Rob Mahoney (The Ringer)
Episode: League Pass Rankings Part 1
Overview
Zach Lowe and Rob Mahoney kick off the NBA season with a League Pass rankings extravaganza—determining the most and least watchable NBA teams for the 2025-26 season. Using Zach's legendary (and whimsically secretive) five-category formula plus Rob's own loosely-structured list, they count down teams 30 through 16—analyzing which squads are most compelling for diehard NBA streamers. Along the way, they debate aesthetics, announce teams, unintentional comedy, team chemistry, and sheer basketball joy (or pain). The tone is playful, nerdy, and candid, full of quotes and deep-cut observations.
The League Pass Formula & Categories
[01:00]
- Zach’s five categories:
- Zeitgeist (Do normal people care about this team?)
- Stars/Highlight Potential
- Strategy & System (Style of Play/Coaching)
- League Pass Minutiae (Announcers, Courts, Jerseys, Art)
- Unintentional Comedy (The "Javale McGee" category)
- Zach compiles 1–10 scores per category for each team, then adds with Rob’s input for "official" results.
Quote:
"A formula that is taken down from the basketball gods. It exists on parchment paper somewhere... It belongs to the world. It belongs to the sport and all of those who love it." —Zach Lowe [04:07]
Rankings and Key Discussion Points
30. Brooklyn Nets
[04:10]
Why Last?
- Both agreed: minimal star power, boring playstyle, little hope, arena is dead, low on dunks.
- Nets' broadcast team and black-and-white art are good, but invoking the "Iron Eagle Corollary," Zach removed these from boosting their score—pure basketball terms drag them down.
- Team full of tall, young point guards and Cam Thomas gunning.
Quotes:
- “When Brooklyn’s A-plus announcing team and generally pretty good art ... take them too high in the rankings, we invoke the Iron Eagle category, eliminate that score and shove them down.” —Zach [04:50]
- “It’s not just can you market it towards the average NBA fan or the average Nets fan, but at the point where you’re even losing guys like us ... what am I supposed to cling to at that point?” —Rob [05:48]
29. Sacramento Kings
[08:34]
Main Issues
- "Less than the sum of its parts" after awkward star assembly.
- Post-Russell Westbrook acquisition: more car crash intrigue than genuinely good basketball.
- Slow, not a visually exciting team—“too much purple,” uninteresting broadcaster.
Quotes:
- “When I watch the Kings play this season, it’s going to ruin my whole night. Like there’s going to be one too many gummy possessions leading to one too many dumb shots.” —Rob [08:39]
- “It's like a high-speed NASCAR race but with like one too many cars in the race where it could be exhilarating or it could be so disastrous...” —Zach [09:35]
28. Utah Jazz
[11:56]
Upsides:
- Youth movement (Ace Bailey, Taylor Hendricks), creative Will Hardy offense.
- Excitement over returning mountain/snow jersey elements; neon highlighters “lit on fire.”
- “Slo Mo” Kyle Anderson’s slow-motion moves get deep-niche appreciation.
Quotes:
- “He actually is so slow that he has weaponized his slowness.” —Zach (on Kyle Anderson) [13:37]
27. Chicago Bulls
[14:18]
Viewing Experience:
- Two bright spots: Modest Bouzelis ("chance to be really exciting") and Kobe White’s unique game.
- Otherwise, the offense is “so whatever,” lowest dunks in the league.
- Great uniform (red/black), Benny the Bull, iconic Allen Parsons Project music, but not broadcasted.
- "Army of ‘what do they do?’ guys on the wing,” e.g., Patrick Williams.
Notable Moments:
- “The most exciting thing about the Chicago Bulls games right now is the Alan Parsons Project.” —Zach [16:42]
- “Pat Williams, who he play for? ... Some nights you would not be able to tell.” —Rob [16:59]
26. Toronto Raptors
[17:15]
Watching the Raptors:
- Clunky lineups, high foul rate, low dunk rate.
- Interesting swap: Ingram’s fit as theoretical glue vs. slow, awkward synergy.
- Still, Zach “into the dinosaurs” returning to uniform motif.
- Interest in Quickley as pivotal glue; Brandon Ingram’s enticing but frustrating bag.
Quotes:
- "Every decision [Ingram] makes is a half beat too late..." —Rob [18:36]
- “I have long struggled to put into words what it is about his game that doesn’t add up to his statistics...” —Zach [19:50]
25. Phoenix Suns
[24:34]
Disagreements:
- Rob was “distinctly out” on Suns: not interested in overtaxed Devin Booker or “frustrating” Jalen Green.
- Zach finds Eddie Johnson’s broadcast, uniforms, and some young players intriguing.
- Jalen Green: athleticism/decision-making balance as a cautionary tale.
Quotes:
- “Jalen Green might end up being a cautionary tale for me...you can’t get too seduced by the athleticism and assume the decision making will catch up...” —Zach [25:43]
24. Miami Heat
[27:46]
Not Watchable?
- Rob: Defense is steady, but offense “stuck in mud” and not exciting. Too much “fine to pretty good” stretched into “not good TV.”
- Vice uniforms and court are a big plus for Zach; “Pan-Yugoslavian bias” for Nikola Jovic.
- Spo’s sideline waves likened to “swim coaches signaling go.”
Quotes:
- “It’s going to be a lot of Norm Powell cooking. I don’t know if I like cooking to the degree he has to cook.” —Rob [28:05]
23. New Orleans Pelicans
[30:55]
Zion Factor:
- Score would be much higher if Zion's health were reliable.
- Jordan Poole’s “bad sequences” a new source of unintentional comedy.
- Excitement for Herb Jones, Jose Alvarado antics, but overall “muted” until health and fit issues clear up.
Quotes:
- “I think there’s teams in these rankings where you don’t know what to expect. ... The Pelicans ... feel like a mystery...makes me hard to get riled up about the experience.” —Rob [31:49]
- “That dude though, that Peak guy, there’s just nothing you can do with him.” —Zach (on peak Zion) [34:06]
22. Philadelphia 76ers
[34:38]
Anxious Viewing:
- Team’s watchability docked by perpetual Embiid health/falling drama and “slow, grifty” style.
- Edgcombe, Grimes, and a sneaky-deep guard rotation are positives.
- Sixers broadcast called out for “Pravda-level” homerism.
Quotes:
- “Zach, life is complicated and terrifying and unendingly stressful and I don’t know if I want to invite the anxiety of every time Joel Embiid falls over into my life on a regular basis.” —Rob [36:20]
- “When he’s in the middle of a great game, the buzz ... for him just to get the ball is palpable and exciting..." —Zach [38:57]
21. LA Clippers
[41:47]
Why Not Higher?
- All the star power (“midrange artistry” of Kawhi, Harden/CP3 veteran craft, Batum, Lopez, Collins) but team style is slow, “one tempo,” “deliberate.”
- Excitement spikes when Harden crosses someone or “old heads” make the young guys look foolish, but not an everyday thrill ride.
- Ballmer sideline antics: Will he tone it down?
Quotes:
- “Everything is at its own pace.... one dynamic. They play their style. That style is awfully effective...not the most captivating to just tune into on TV.” —Rob [42:27]
- “Harden...is good for a ‘drop a dude on his ass’ ... and either way, from that point, it’s massively entertaining.” —Zach [43:57]
20. Washington Wizards
[46:33]
Most Divisive Ranking
- Rob: #7!—he’s deeply invested in the “it could be anyone’s night” chaos and young-guy roulette; a team for the sickos.
- Zach: #29—forlorn vets, sad energy from Middleton and Bagley, bad art/broadcast.
- Name/branding discussion: neither is clamoring for Gandalf-themed lore to return, but Zach does want the Cherry Blossom jerseys back.
Quotes:
- “There could not be a more my guy on a rebuilding team in the league than Keyshawn George. So I’m holding my stock...” —Rob [47:35]
- “Which would you rather be, Wizards or Blazers? ... I want to watch every A.J. Johnson minute that there is this year...” —Zach [49:05]
- “I will be the meme of the guy in the corner being like, ‘they don’t know about Bilal Koulibaly’, but that’s okay.” —Rob [50:48]
19. Boston Celtics
[52:54]
Not Exciting Enough?
- Docked for “uninspired” black jerseys; gold-lettered white City edition also criticized.
- Stylistic intrigue: Will Missoula ball mean even more threes, or can they tap new experiments while Tatum’s out?
- Derek White highly appreciated ("1% player to appreciate"), Jalen Brown’s violence and physicality admired.
- Zach wants to see how Hugo González and Baylor Scheierman develop.
Quotes:
- “They should start every game down five, zero when they wear them.” —Zach (on black jerseys) [53:27]
- “Is there a ton of mystery? Is there a ton of reason to tune in? ... I’m not quite sure yet.” —Rob [56:35]
18. Charlotte Hornets
[58:23]
Where’s the Fun?
- Rob: #10—loves LaMelo’s creativity (“spiraling loops”) counterbalanced by Colin Sexton’s “straight fucking line” style.
- Tijan Salon’s hard work, Eric Collins’ hyper broadcasts, beautiful art (turquoise hornet, honeycombs—even if inaccurate), and up-tempo, foul-free games get points.
- Center rotation called “ultimately incredibly doomed” but entertaining.
Quotes:
- “If the way Lamelo experiences the game is in all these spiraling loops...Colin Sexton is a straight fucking line all the time...there is a complementary aspect to that.” —Rob [61:27]
17. Indiana Pacers
[63:14]
Strategic Joy
- Rick Carlisle’s deep playbook, Siakam’s “polished, smart, versatile” game, and up-tempo system are all pluses.
- Ben Matheran’s unleashed offensive force is intriguing, if chaotic—“more fun for us, less fun for Rick.”
- Noted for anti-zone wrinkles and general creative adaptability.
Quotes:
- “[Pascal] Siakam...will do whatever you need him to do from wherever with any combination of players. And I just have like unending admiration for players like that.” —Rob [65:26]
16. Dallas Mavericks
[67:18]
Middle-of-the-Road
- Star power: Cooper Flagg presumed ROY, AD, and Kyrie (presumably later in the year).
- Supporting characters: Klay threes, PJ mean mugs, Gafford’s “violent dunking,” and Naji Marshall love.
- Announce team praised for honesty and chemistry—a rare three-man booth that “actually works.”
- But offensive style could be “cluttered,” and the loss of Luka still stings.
Quotes:
- “It felt honest...how many broadcasts do you hear that actually feel honest?” —Rob [70:46]
- “Swiss Army Knife. Whatever you need me to do...I need to take 20 shots tonight? Cool.” —Zach (on Naji Marshall) [72:24]
Notable Memorable Moments
- “The Iron Eagle Corollary” ([04:50]): Zach's invented sub-rule for not letting announcers/branding fix a team’s otherwise unwatchability
- On the Wizards: “Is tonight an A.J. Johnson night? Is tonight the night that Alex Sarr scores a basket? I don’t know, but I’m really eager to find out.” —Rob [48:32]
- On Embiid falling anxiety: “I don’t know if I want to invite the anxiety of every time Joel Embiid falls over into my life...” —Rob [36:20]
- On black Celtics jerseys: “They should start every game down five, zero when they wear them.” —Zach [53:27]
Timestamps Table of Notable Segments
| Segment/Team | Key Timestamp | |-------------------------|--------------| | Formula/Categories | 01:00 | | Nets (30th) | 04:10 | | Kings (29th) | 08:34 | | Jazz (28th) | 11:56 | | Bulls (27th) | 14:18 | | Raptors (26th) | 17:15 | | Suns (25th) | 24:34 | | Heat (24th) | 27:46 | | Pelicans (23rd) | 30:55 | | Sixers (22nd) | 34:38 | | Clippers (21st) | 41:47 | | Wizards (20th) | 46:33 | | Celtics (19th) | 52:54 | | Hornets (18th) | 58:23 | | Pacers (17th) | 63:14 | | Mavericks (16th) | 67:18 |
Final Thoughts
- The episode’s tone is a mix of sharp basketball insight, deep fan nerd-dom, and playful inside jokes.
- Both Zach and Rob lean into the idea that League Pass rankings serve a different audience—the all-in, "find joy in the bizarre and the beautiful" NBA watcher.
- Some teams are ranked on "could be anyone’s night" entertainment (Wizards, Hornets), while others are marked down for predictability or muted vibes (Celtics, Clippers).
- A reminder: the top 15 have yet to be revealed!
To be continued with Part 2: Teams 15–1.