Cold Open Question of the Week: From Substack’s very own Elizabeth Day: What’s the one thing in your house you don’t think anyone else has?

Holy Week & Easter: Brian will once again be singing with the church choir.

Catch The Tiger: Eldrick “Tiger” Woods, was involved in yet another SUV rollover traffic accident on Friday afternoon. On Tuesday afternoon, he announced he was, “stepping away for a period of time to seek treatment and focus on my health.”

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Unrighteousness: The Chicago Bulls waived Jaden Ivey due to “conduct detrimental to the team” on Monday. The move started a firestorm among some athletes and fans who feel Ivey was targeted due to his religious beliefs, including former New England Patriots tight end Benjamin Watson and current Patriots running back TreVeyon Henderson.

The comments by Henderson even brought Patriots head coach Mike Vrabel into the discussion.

We Want You: Would Gary ever consider joining the military?

From ABC News: “The U.S. Army is expanding its recruiting pool, raising the maximum enlistment age from 35 years old to 42, according to new service regulations reviewed by ABC News.

The move isn’t without precedent. The service lifted the cap to 42 years old in 2006, during the height of the Iraq War, before lowering it back to 35 a decade later.

Bringing the limit back up puts the Army more in line with the Air Force and Navy regulations, which both cap enlistment at 41. The Marine Corps caps recruits at 28 years old, though older applicants can potentially enlist with special permission.”

Phillie Sues: Alec Bohm, a 29-year-old Philadelphia Phillies third baseman is suing his mom and dad!

Gov. Pimples: Dean Roy, a 14-year-old high school student is on the ballot for governor in Vermont.

Clean Windshields: Brian found a new tool to use to clean his car’s windshield! Apparently Gary has been sitting on this technology for months!

Leaving Las Vegas: Brian is currently reading the novel, written by John O’Brien, and also watched the motion picture, starring Nicholas Cage and Elizabeth Shue. Then there’s the whole Sheryl Crow connection…

Gary’s News of the Weird: