Podcast Summary: Them Before Us #077 | Family Fragmentation Isn’t Neutral—It’s Neglect | Adam B. Coleman
Introduction
In episode #077 of the Them Before Us podcast, host Jennifer Friesen engages in a profound conversation with Adam B. Coleman, author of The Children We Left Behind. The discussion delves into the intricate issues surrounding family fragmentation, its root causes, and the profound impact it has on children’s lives. Throughout the episode, Coleman shares his personal journey, insights from his book, and explores societal and cultural factors contributing to the neglect of children in fragmented families.
Guest Profile: Adam B. Coleman
Adam B. Coleman is the founder of Wrong Speak Publishing and a contributor to the New York Post. His writings on culture and politics are featured in various prominent outlets including Unheard, Newsweek, Daily Mail, The Telegraph, Human Events, and Dad Save America. He also manages a Substack newsletter titled "Speaking Wrong at the Right Time" and hosts the Breaking Bread podcast. Born in Detroit, Coleman was raised across multiple states, grappling with challenges such as fatherlessness, homelessness, and defining masculinity. His transition from an IT manager to a writer was fueled by witnessing the societal turmoil during the summer of 2020, prompting him to address these critical family issues through his work.
Adam’s Personal Journey and Motivation Behind the Book
Coleman’s Autobiographical Insights ([01:23] - [04:26]) Adam begins by sharing his tumultuous upbringing in a single-parent household, moving across four states before turning 18. The absence of his father profoundly affected his self-esteem and mental health, leading him to struggle with suicidal ideation. Raising his own son without a father figure, Coleman recognized that his story was not unique. He observed various forms of family dysfunction, whether personal anecdotes or broader societal issues like mass shootings and violent crimes, all tracing back to family neglect. Coleman emphasizes that while legislative measures are often touted as solutions, the core issue lies within the family structure itself, which cannot be legislated or easily fixed through policy alone.
Factors Leading to Father Absence ([04:26] - [06:33]) Coleman explains that his father’s significant age gap with his mother (50 vs. 24 years old at his birth) and the father’s pre-existing relationships contributed to his emotional absence. This detachment was not due to divorce but rather the father’s lack of commitment to the family, leading to a life where Coleman felt more connected to his peers than his own father.
Root Causes of Family Fragmentation and Societal Impact
Understanding Criminality and Homelessness ([06:33] - [17:23]) Coleman explores the notion that individuals who engage in violent or criminal behavior are often victims of trauma themselves. He posits that behaviors such as substance abuse and homelessness are coping mechanisms for deeper psychological wounds, frequently stemming from childhood trauma like abuse or neglect. Coleman uses the example of homelessness in San Francisco, arguing that simply providing housing ignores the underlying issues of addiction and trauma that keep individuals on the streets. He stresses the importance of addressing root causes rather than implementing superficial solutions.
Case Study: Jordan Neely ([11:33] - [17:23]) A significant portion of the discussion centers around the tragic case of Jordan Neely, a Black man who became violent on the subway. Jen Friesen recounts the incident where Daniel Penny restrained Neely, leading to Neely's unconscious state and subsequent legal debates. Coleman provides a detailed background of Neely, highlighting his abusive household, the murder of his mother, and his struggles within the foster care system. Neely’s descent into homelessness and mental health issues exemplifies Coleman’s argument that societal and familial neglect drives individuals towards destructive behaviors. Coleman underscores Neely’s despair with a poignant quote: “I don't care if I live, I don't care if I go to jail. Lock me up, keep me on the streets, it doesn't matter,” reflecting the utter hopelessness resulting from systemic failures.
Cultural Perspectives on Family and Parenting
Impact of Adult Choices on Children ([19:44] - [25:00]) Coleman critiques the modern cultural emphasis on individual freedom and happiness at the expense of family stability. He argues that adults often prioritize their desires over the well-being of their children, leading to fractured families. This selfishness is rationalized through societal narratives that downplay the detrimental effects on children. Coleman’s chapter titled "Socially Comfortable Terrible Parents" discusses how society often turns a blind eye to abusive or neglectful parenting, allowing harmful family dynamics to persist without intervention or accountability.
Normalization of Dysfunctional Parenting ([25:00] - [26:10]) Friesen and Coleman discuss the cultural glorification of abandoning children for personal happiness, as seen in social media trends. Coleman emphasizes the need for a cultural shift that champions responsible parenting and condemns the abandonment and mistreatment of children. He advocates for community support systems that hold parents accountable and prioritize the welfare of children over adult whims.
Hope and Redemption: Coleman’s Faith Journey and Fatherhood
Becoming a Present Father ([26:10] - [33:17]) In the latter part of the episode, Coleman shares his journey towards becoming a responsible father despite his own father's absence. Baptized in 2024, Coleman credits his faith with providing him the strength to break the cycle of neglect. He consciously decides to be present and emotionally available for his son, avoiding the mistakes he endured. Coleman discusses his disciplined approach to parenting, focusing on communication and emotional support rather than punitive measures. He highlights the importance of learning from past traumas to create a nurturing environment for the next generation.
Faith and Personal Transformation ([26:46] - [33:17]) Coleman reflects on his baptism and the role of faith in his transformation. He acknowledges the hardships he faced but finds purpose in using his experiences to help others. His commitment to personal growth and faith underscores his message of resilience and the possibility of overcoming adversity through support systems and inner strength.
Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Promoting Family Stability as a Societal Imperative ([33:17] - [35:03]) Jen Friesen wraps up the conversation by reinforcing the podcast’s mission to advocate for strong, stable families as the foundation for a healthy society. She emphasizes the need to counteract cultural narratives that undermine family structures and to foster environments where children are prioritized. Coleman’s insights provide a compelling argument for addressing family fragmentation as a critical issue that transcends political solutions, requiring a collective cultural and societal commitment to reinstate the sanctity and stability of the family unit.
Notable Quotes
- Adam B. Coleman ([06:33]): “Human beings do something for some reason. We all do something for whatever reason.”
- Adam B. Coleman ([17:23]): “I don't care if I live, I don't care if I go to jail. Lock me up, keep me on the streets, it doesn't matter.”
- Adam B. Coleman ([19:44]): “Children have a hard time seeing around the corner, which is why they need their parents to tell them about the circumstances of what's going on.”
- Adam B. Coleman ([25:00]): “There is no shame. There's no, hey, you know what you're doing is not right.”
Where to Find Adam B. Coleman
Listeners interested in exploring Adam B. Coleman’s work can find him on his Substack at adambcoleman.substack.com. His book, The Children We Left Behind, is available for purchase at childrenweleftbehind.com and through Wrong Speak Publishing at wrongspeak.netshop. The audiobook is set to be released by the end of April 2025 and will be available on major platforms shortly thereafter.
Final Thoughts
This episode of Them Before Us offers a sobering yet hopeful exploration of the profound effects of family fragmentation on children. Adam B. Coleman’s candid discussion illuminates the intricate web of societal, cultural, and personal factors that contribute to the neglect and dysfunction observed in many families today. By emphasizing the importance of understanding root causes and fostering a supportive cultural environment, the podcast underscores the essential role of strong family units in nurturing the next generation.