Them Before Us Podcast Episode #082: "Civilization Depends on Dads: A Conversation with Xane Anderson"

Release Date: May 30, 2025

Introduction and Guest Background

In this poignant episode of the Them Before Us Podcast, host Jennifer Friesen welcomes Xane Anderson, an author, international keynote speaker, and founder of the Dadfluence movement. Xane, affectionately known as "Ex" by friends and family, brings a wealth of experience from his background in business and corporate communication to his mission of empowering fathers to become proactive, present, and impactful leaders in their children's lives. His work aligns seamlessly with the podcast's mission of advocating for children's rights within the family context.

Personal Story and the Impact of Losing His Mother

The conversation delves deep into Xane's personal history, revealing a formative experience that has profoundly shaped his life's mission. At just eight years old, Xane witnessed the sudden and tragic loss of his mother to a cerebral hemorrhage while he was actively engaged in a Little League game. This traumatic event left an indelible mark on him, highlighting the lasting influence parents have on their children.

Xane Anderson [01:32]: "My mom died that day. And as an eight-year-old boy, I watched my mom die."

Xane shares a heartfelt analogy about drawing trees, symbolizing his approach to life and parenting. Initially meticulous in his drawings, he changed his style to fit in with his peers, leading to emotional distress for his mother. This story underscores the significant and lasting impact of parental influence, a theme that resonates throughout the episode.

Xane Anderson [06:58]: "For mothers out there who are listening, you may think that your influence and the little things you do don't matter. And I'm here to tell you they absolutely will have more effect than you can possibly imagine."

Transition to Dadfluence and Parenting Philosophy

Transitioning from his personal narrative, Xane discusses his professional journey from a business and corporate background into coaching and advocacy for fathers. Emphasizing the transferable skills between business leadership and parenting, he posits that effective influence and communication are paramount both in the workplace and at home.

Xane Anderson [09:29]: "The principles that allow you to get into a high-level director in New York are exactly the same principles that allow you to be a good parent and perhaps help influence your child to stop a tantrum."

Xane highlights the societal need for strong parental figures, suggesting that the absence of engaged and effective parents contributes to broader societal issues such as crime, violence, and social instability. His Dadfluence movement aims to address these challenges by equipping fathers with the tools to create positive, lasting impacts on their families and, by extension, society.

Xane Anderson [11:50]: "If we want to solve the problems we have in society, we have got to figure out a way to make people realize how important it is to be a dad, how important it is to be a mom."

Challenges Dads Face Today

Jennifer and Xane explore the myriad challenges modern fathers encounter in striving to be present and effective. Xane identifies several key struggles:

1. Distraction and Presence: The pervasive use of devices leads to fathers being physically present but emotionally or mentally absent.

   Xane Anderson [12:33]: "Having a device, you get home, but then you're not really there because you're scrolling through news, you're scrolling through emails..."

2. Addictions: Xane points out the significant issue of porn addiction among fathers, which can lead to personal turmoil and strained family relationships.

   Xane Anderson [12:50]: "A lot of dads, if you're asking sincerely, are struggling with a porn addiction. I think that is a huge thing..."

3. Work Addiction: The pressure to succeed professionally often leads fathers to prioritize work over family, missing critical opportunities to influence their children's lives.

   Xane Anderson [15:00]: "Let's realize that being a parent is the ultimate career. And then we have these little sub careers to help us provide for our family."

Daily Habits and Building Connections

Xane emphasizes the importance of daily interactions and consistent positive reinforcement in parenting. He argues that the small, everyday actions have a more significant impact than occasional grand gestures.

Xane Anderson [27:32]: "The magic is the little tiny daily things, and that's where you get the really big gains."

He shares practical strategies, such as maintaining a daily devotional or regular meaningful conversations that reinforce positive behaviors and principles. By consistently acknowledging and nurturing good behavior, fathers can effectively shape their children's character and confidence.

Xane Anderson [32:14]: "If we can catch our kids doing something right, our ability to influence them will go through the roof."

Advice for New and Struggling Dads

In addressing fathers who feel they've "missed the boat" or are unsure how to begin their journey in active parenting, Xane offers compassionate and actionable advice:

1. Start Now: It's never too late to begin making positive changes in parenting.

   Xane Anderson [28:54]: "It's never too late to start. Start... take a little bit of time to try to learn."

2. Educate Themselves: Investing time in learning effective parenting techniques can yield long-term benefits for both fathers and their children.

   Xane Anderson [30:00]: "How much time do we take to just learn to be a better dad?"

3. Positive Reinforcement: Shifting focus from negative to positive reinforcement can significantly influence children's behavior and self-esteem.

   Xane Anderson [31:50]: "If you can catch your kids doing something right, our ability to influence them will go through the roof."

Xane recommends resources such as "The Power of Positive Parenting" by Glenn Latham, highlighting its transformative impact on his own parenting approach.

Resources and Getting Involved

Xane introduces listeners to his Dadfluence program, a seven-week system designed to help fathers cultivate positive parenting habits. He offers access to this resource for free through DadFluence.org using the code word "FAMILY."

Xane Anderson [18:29]: "It's a seven-week system... you can get it for free. If when you check out you just put in the code word family, F A M I L, Y."

Additionally, he directs listeners to his business site, EKSInfluence.com, where he continues his work in both business and parenting advocacy.

Closing Thoughts

Jennifer and Xane conclude the episode by reiterating the critical role fathers play in shaping not just their children, but the very fabric of society. They emphasize that strong, present, and engaged fathers are foundational to a healthy and thriving civilization.

Jen Friesen [33:12]: "Thanks for the work that you're doing to help encourage dads to be good dads. Present dads. It's so important, like, we agree on for us. You agree these. This is civilizational matters."

Xane expresses his gratitude for being a part of the show and underscores the significance of community and shared mission in fostering positive change.

Xane Anderson [33:31]: "Thanks, Jennifer. Such an honor to be on your show. Really appreciate you."

Conclusion

This episode of Them Before Us offers a heartfelt and insightful exploration into the indispensable role of fathers in contemporary society. Through Xane Anderson's personal experiences and professional expertise, listeners gain a deeper understanding of the challenges and opportunities present in modern fatherhood. The discussion underscores the profound impact fathers can have on their children's lives and, by extension, on the broader societal landscape. Xane's actionable advice and resources provide valuable tools for fathers seeking to enhance their parenting journey, making this episode a vital resource for anyone committed to fostering strong, positive family dynamics.