Podcast Summary – Them Before Us #090: Developing a Consistent Pro-Life Ethic with Stephanie Gray Connors

Release Date: August 29, 2025
Host: Jennifer Friesen (Them Before Us, Training Director)
Guest: Stephanie Gray Connors (Pro-life speaker, author, and apologist)

Overview

In this episode, Jennifer Friesen sits down with renowned pro-life apologist Stephanie Gray Connors. Together, they delve into Stephanie’s personal journey into the movement, key principles of pro-life apologetics, the relationship between abortion and assisted reproductive technology (ART) like IVF, the importance of consistent ethics regarding the beginning of life, and thoughtful, practical guidance for faith communities and individuals navigating these difficult topics. Stephanie also shares her personal experiences with marriage, infertility, and motherhood, giving listeners both intellectual and heartfelt responses to common challenges in the pro-life movement.

Guest Introduction and Personal Journey

Upbringing & Call to Pro-Life Work

• Stephanie shares that her pro-life convictions began “in utero,” with her mother’s shaping experience attending Dr. Bernard Nathanson’s lecture while pregnant with her. (01:04)
  • Quote: “So I pretty much grew up from in utero in the pro-life movement and beyond.” (01:56)
• Influenced by her parents’ activism, she developed “a deep conviction that abortion was terrible because it killed babies.” (02:05)
• Inspired by American speaker Scott Klusendorf, she decided to devote her life to saving babies, leading her into pro-life apologetics following her university education. (02:25)
• Over her career, she has expanded her scope to include topics such as assisted suicide and in vitro fertilization (IVF). (03:06)

The Viral Google Talk – How Opportunity Knocked

How Stephanie Spoke at Google

• A Google employee who shared Stephanie’s worldview suggested her for a “Talks at Google” event in response to a recent Planned Parenthood president’s talk, arguing for diversity of views at Google. (04:10)
• Stephanie reflects: “I put it to prayer. I’m like, God, this is in your hands. I totally surrender it to you. And it was just remarkable how smoothly everything unfolded and went.” (04:30)
• Her talk was uploaded to YouTube and “went around the Internet.” (05:05)

Pro-Life Apologetics: Science, Personhood, and Consistency

Is It a Human? Is It Alive?

• Host Jennifer references one of Stephanie’s signature arguments: If both parents are human, the offspring must be human. (05:49)
  • Stephanie responds: “It’s so basic, but that’s what you have to walk people through, the basic principles ... If the mother and father are of the species Homo sapiens ... what else would the offspring be?” (06:14)
  • Further, if an embryo is growing, that’s evidence it’s alive. (06:34)

The Personhood Distinction & Slippery Logic

• Stephanie explains she asks those who differentiate “human” from “person” to define personhood, uncovering criteria based on consciousness, rationality, or self-awareness—with implications for denying rights to infants and the cognitively impaired. (07:08)
  • Quote: “Should our personhood be grounded in our age or should it be grounded in our membership within the human family? … If it’s grounded in our age, then why draw the line at a certain trimester?... But if personhood is grounded in our membership in the human family, then we have equality.” (08:00)

Ethical Consistency: Beginning and End of Life

• Jennifer points out that “functionalist” definitions of personhood are applied both at the beginning (abortion) and the end (assisted suicide/euthanasia) of life. (08:59)
• Stephanie, referencing Canada’s “MAiD” program, critiques this: “The pro-life point is your life is worth living because of who you are, not how you function.” (10:20)

Navigating Difficult Conversations

• Stephanie distinguishes between public and private pro-life discussions; she finds personal conversations more challenging due to the emotional stakes. (11:49)
  • Quote: “If I hate their view, will they think I hate them?... You can hate a view and not hate a person. You can oppose a view and not oppose a person.” (11:53)
• Her main recommendation is adopting the Socratic method:
  • “Ask: How did you come to that conclusion?... Those open-ended questions compel the other person to have to explain more of what they claimed. ... You as the individual challenging that person doesn’t appear to be that challenging because you’re just what I call compassionately curious.” (12:35)
• These conversations require patience and may not resolve quickly, often resuming over time. (13:53)

IVF and Assisted Reproductive Technology: Building an Ethic Beyond Abortion

Shifting the Pro-Life Focus

• Stephanie notes that the ethical critique of IVF is newer among Protestants and some non-religious pro-lifers, while Catholics have had institutional teaching on IVF for longer. (15:07)
• Early in her career, audience questions forced her to develop an articulate, universally accessible argument about IVF's moral problems, independent of religious doctrine. (16:08)

The IVF–Abortion Connection

• Jennifer observes that pro-choice advocates correctly equate many IVF procedures with abortion, while some pro-life politicians struggle to maintain philosophical clarity. (16:53)
• Stephanie warns against denial:
  • “I think our side does see the connection, but ... there is ignorance and there is denial. Ignorance is not knowing ... Denial is very different. Denial is not wanting to know.” (17:15)
  • Rather than justifying IVF because the aim is “good,” pro-lifers must scrutinize “how we are making that life, who is making that life, and how are we treating that life from that point forward.” (17:43)
  • Quote: “No matter how good the end is of having a child, I ought not manufacture human beings into existence because we are subjects, not objects, and we shouldn’t be treated as objects.” (18:36)

Compassion Meets Principle

• Stephanie and Jennifer discuss people who undergo IVF only to later regret it, realizing they have “children on ice” whom they don’t know how to care for ethically. (19:55)
• Stephanie re-emphasizes the Catholic (and child-centric) teaching: “We don’t have a right to another human being ... and if we don’t have a right to a child, that means we may not act as if we can possess or own a child.” (20:09)
• The contracting out of reproduction to third parties—central to IVF—violates the principle that children should not be manufactured nor commodified. (21:39)

Social Implications and Legal Shifts

• Jennifer raises recent California law changes giving single and same-sex adults legal standing for infertility—and thus entitlement to third-party gametes and surrogacy. (22:43)
  • Stephanie: “If someone inherently, by virtue of their ... same-sex relationship, could not procreate in an act of sex, but we say you have the insurance coverage, you have the right to a child, then we are creating a situation where society is saying, you have a right to enlist other people ... And what are we saying about another human person?” (23:24)
• They cite recent child trafficking cases to demonstrate real-world harms of an unregulated fertility industry. (24:18)

Personal Story: Marriage, Infertility, and Ethical Healing

• Stephanie shares her journey of being single into her 40s while serving in pro-life ministry, longing for marriage and children, and ultimately marrying at age 40. (25:39)
  • She underscores: “In the absence of a spouse, then I’m going to continue to throw myself into ministry work ... but that longing was still there.” (27:57)
• She transparently describes her struggles with miscarriage—four losses—but great joy at the birth of her daughters, Violet and Molly, both conceived and carried to term naturally despite grave doubts from others due to her age. (28:33)
  • Quote: “Our goal in life is not length of life. Our goal is heaven. And so for four of my children, they have achieved heaven.” (29:41)
• Opposing IVF as a solution for miscarriage, Stephanie advocates restorative reproductive medicine and hormonal therapy (progesterone), which helped her have healthy pregnancies. (30:26)
  • “It’s possible to achieve a healthy pregnancy that comes to term in an ethical fashion that still works within God’s designs for children coming as the fruit of sexual intimacy.” (30:39)

Faith in Disappointment

• Stephanie and Jennifer acknowledge not all stories end with “the fairy tale outcome,” sharing the example of a friend who found spiritual motherhood and fulfillment outside of biological parenthood. (31:16)
  • “Whatever we make our idol is a problem and we need to reject that because God should be the priority of our lives.” (32:08)

Final Notes and Looking Ahead

• Stephanie hints at future writing projects still “in the gestating stage” but shares her current focus: “primarily focusing on my two girls who are 16 months.” (33:11)
  • Jen: “That’s some of the best pro-life work there is, is the raising of new human beings.” (33:34)

Notable Quotes and Timestamps

• “If the mother and father are of the species Homo sapiens ... what else would the offspring be?” – Stephanie Gray Connors (06:14)
• “Should our personhood be grounded in our age or should it be grounded in our membership within the human family?” – Stephanie (08:00)
• “You can hate a view and not hate a person. You can oppose a view and not oppose a person.” – Stephanie (11:53)
• “No matter how good the end is of having a child, I ought not manufacture human beings into existence because we are subjects, not objects, and we shouldn’t be treated as objects.” – Stephanie (18:36)
• “Our goal in life is not length of life. Our goal is heaven.” – Stephanie (29:41)
• “Whatever we make our idol is a problem and we need to reject that because God should be the priority of our lives.” – Stephanie (32:08)

Key Segments & Timestamps

• Stephanie’s Upbringing & Calling – 01:04–03:10
• The Viral Google Talk Experience – 04:10–05:05
• Foundational Pro-Life Apologetics (Science/Personhood) – 05:49–08:00
• Consistency of Ethics: Abortion & Assisted Suicide – 08:59–10:35
• Difficult Conversations: Socratic Method – 11:49–14:05
• IVF: Ethical Challenges & Pro-Life Consistency – 15:07–22:43
• Legal & Societal Shifts in ART – 22:43–24:44
• Personal Journey: Singleness, Marriage, Miscarriage – 25:39–30:44
• Faith in Disappointment & Spiritual Motherhood – 31:16–32:53
• Concluding Thoughts & Next Steps – 33:11–33:46

Tone & Takeaway

The episode is thoughtful, compassionate, and intellectually rigorous. Stephanie’s approach combines reasoned argument, deep empathy, and real-world wisdom, offering practical advice bolstered by personal testimony. The conversation is accessible yet substantive, making it a valuable resource for listeners seeking to develop a holistic, child-centric, and consistently principled pro-life ethic.