Them Before Us Podcast #094 | How to Defend Young Minds

Host: Jennifer Friesen, Training Director at Them Before Us
Guest: Kristen A. Jensen, Founder of Defend Young Minds, Author of "Good Pictures, Bad Pictures"
Date: November 21, 2025

Overview

This episode tackles the urgent subject of preparing children to recognize and reject pornography, emphasizing the vital role of proactive, age-appropriate conversations. Jennifer Friesen sits down with Kristen A. Jensen, founder of Defend Young Minds and best-selling author, to discuss practical steps for parents and educators to safeguard children from the growing dangers of online sexual content. They explore the foundational principles behind Jensen’s resources and why equipping children early is essential for prevention and healthy development.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Kristen A. Jensen’s Backstory & Mission

• Prompt for Action: Kristen was compelled to write “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures” after hearing a tragic story of intra-family sexual abuse triggered by exposure to pornography ([02:04]).
• Gap in Resources: Surprised to discover no existing children’s book addressing pornography, she spent 3 years developing an age-appropriate resource for families ([02:23]).
• Mission Focus: Her work is primarily prevention-focused, aiming to help children before problems arise, rather than intervening after the fact.

"It wasn't anything that I saw coming, but there was a need. And I just felt like it was so imperative that parents have this conversation with their children at a young age when they are starting to... have access to screens." – Kristen ([03:30])

2. Core Messages & Methodology of “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures”

• Three Essential Tools for Kids: ([05:16])
  1. Definition – Kids need a clear, age-appropriate understanding of what pornography is.
  2. Warning – They need to know why it’s dangerous (can hurt the brain, be addictive, distort views of self and others).
  3. Plan – Concrete steps for what to do if exposed.
• Progressive Complexity: The books offer tailored approaches for various age groups—“Junior” for the youngest, original for ages 7-11, addressing both behavioral and substance addictions ([06:13]).

3. Timing & Approach: When and How to Start

• Start Early: Conversations should begin as soon as a child has any access to screens, not necessarily after the “birds and bees” talk ([07:12]).
• Reasoning: Kids are resourceful, can find workarounds on devices, and are targeted by industry and culture.
• Preparation over Perfection: No matter the controls, kids will likely encounter inappropriate material and should feel empowered, not ashamed, when it happens.

"If you don't prepare them, then they don't really have a choice. ... They have the ability and they know exactly what to do, what you've taught them to do in that situation." – Kristen ([08:38])

4. Practical Strategies and Cognitive Tools

• Plan for Exposure:
  • For younger children: "Turn, Run, and Tell" – see something inappropriate, turn away, run to safety, and tell a trusted adult ([13:00])
  • For older children: Techniques for handling intrusive memories, building new neural pathways by focusing on positive thoughts or experiences ([16:57])
• Parent as Safe Harbor:
  • Encourage open communication to dismantle shame or secrecy.
  • Identify "safe people" before incidents occur.

“I was scared, but I knew what to do. ... Isn't that a beautiful gift that we can give our kids?” – Kristen ([19:16])

5. Countering Parental Hesitation: “Will Talking About It Create Problems?”

• Common Concern: Parents (especially in conservative or homeschool communities) often fear that discussing pornography could spark unwanted curiosity ([21:36]).
• Reality Check: Even in sheltered environments, opportunities for exposure abound (other kids, public spaces, household devices).
• Proactive vs. Reactive Parenting: Jensen emphasizes being proactive, noting that children frequently feel betrayed if they’re not warned and later encounter it themselves ([22:07]).
• Building Internal Filters: Best protection comes from both external controls and resilient internal character, built from an early age.

“The world will expose them. ... You could cross your fingers and hope, or you can be proactive and realize in a very humble way that you don't have complete control over this.” – Kristen ([22:31])

6. Pornography, Child Abuse, and Peer-to-Peer Abuse

• Grooming and Abuse: Abusers often use pornography to groom children or as part of the abuse itself ([27:01]).
• Peer-to-Peer Dangers: Early exposure can lead to imitation—children may abuse others without a hands-on abuser present.
• Preventive Power: Recognizing and rejecting exposure early can quickly shut down dangerous situations, protecting children from victimization and from becoming unwitting perpetrators.

“Children imitate what they see adults do. That's how they grow up. So we need to get in there and teach them explicitly that pornography, you know, is harmful and know what to do when they see it so that they aren't victimized in either way.” – Kristen ([32:37])

7. Resources and Ongoing Support

• Where to Find Help:
  • Main website: defendyoungminds.com ([33:04])
  • Free guide: “How to Talk to Kids About Pornography”
  • Upcoming resources: New “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures” guide for girls (early 2026)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Proactive Parenting:
  “Adults need to do hard things and protect children, equip children.” – Jennifer ([10:22])

• On the Shame Trap:
  “You don't tell anybody because you're like, I must have done something wrong, so I'm just gonna shove it down.” – Jennifer ([11:22])

• On Processing Experiences:
  “Kids need...the ability to be able to process what they've seen. And then the parents will have the tools from these books to help them retrain the brain away from that thing they saw.” – Jennifer ([15:48])

• On the Purpose of Jensen’s Work:
  “Much better to be prepared and prepare your child so that they aren't... victimized in either way.” – Kristen ([31:55])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Kristen’s origin story & motivation – [02:04]
• Three-part message of “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures” – [05:16]
• When to start the conversation – [07:12]
• Developing a response plan and cognitive techniques – [13:00], [16:57]
• Parental concerns about “planting ideas” – [21:36]
• Link between pornography and abuse – [27:01]
• Personal child-safety stories – [27:58]
• Where to find resources – [33:04]

Final Thoughts

This episode underscores the urgent need for parents and caregivers to proactively train children to navigate a digital world rife with predatory content. Through real stories, scientific insights, and user-friendly strategies, Kristen Jensen and Jennifer Friesen demystify how to have these vital conversations early and often, turning an uncomfortable subject into an opportunity for empowerment, trust, and lifelong safety.

To learn more, access free guides, or purchase the books, visit defendyoungminds.com.