Podcast Summary: Therapy and Theology

Episode: Bonus: Confronting Regret, Co-Parenting, Finding the Courage To Move Forward | Q&A Part 1

Host: Lysa TerKeurst (with Jim Kress and Dr. Joel Muddamalle)
Date: December 12, 2025

Episode Overview

This candid, insightful Q&A episode centers on navigating the deep pain, regret, and difficult realities of unwanted divorce and betrayal. Host Lysa TerKeurst, her counselor Jim Kress, and biblical scholar Dr. Joel Muddamalle answer live questions from listeners. They share practical, therapeutic, and biblical wisdom on moving forward from regret, surviving the uncertainty of separation, co-parenting through pain, and finding courage to try new relationships after being hurt.

The group repeatedly emphasizes the importance of embracing reality, actively processing pain rather than bypassing it, and growing in self-awareness and agency. Their tone is warm, honest, and often vulnerable, with a focus on encouragement and practical advice.

Key Discussion Points & Memorable Insights

1. Confronting Regret and the Temptation to Romanticize the Past

(Regret after divorce, longing for reconciliation, and reframing reality)

• Listener Question: “It’s been almost a year since my divorce, but I still feel stuck in sadness and regret over going through with it. How do I move forward and accept the life I have?”

Key Insights:

• Lysa discusses the human tendency to minimize past pain and romanticize comforting habits or memories, even if they’re rooted in trauma.
  • “...I would play this game of minimizing what happened and maximizing the scraps of love that I was getting...” — Lysa (03:51)
• The story of a friend finding towels folded by her ex helped illuminate the pull of nostalgia, and the need to “interject reality back into this moment of nostalgia.” (06:47)
  • “He could have been thinking about his affair partner when he put those towels there... It’s important that we stay committed to what’s real.” — Lysa (08:41)
• The towel metaphor became a symbol of new beginnings and agency:
  • “When you use that last towel… this is not an ending. This is actually a beginning. And the beginning is you get to decide how you want your towels folded.” — Lysa (09:36)
• Agency and Framing: Jim encourages claiming agency as a step toward healing, not as a celebration of divorce, but as a refusal to minimize the hard realities one has endured. (10:03)

2. Surviving the In-Between: When Divorce Isn’t Final

(Waiting seasons, feeling life is stalled, embracing the ‘through’)

• Listener Question: “How can I keep from feeling like my life is stalled out while waiting for my divorce to be finalized?”

Key Insights:

• Dr. Joel reframes waiting as participating in the scriptural preposition “through,” noting that God’s rescue is never late.
  • “Sometimes we have to go through things. ... Jesus has to go through the cross so that you and I today can experience his power, his presence, and his provision.” — Dr. Joel (12:27)
• Lysa opens up about loneliness during her long separation, remembering Jim’s advice:
  • “A sign of getting healthy is that we can be alone with our own thoughts and be okay.” — Lysa (14:19)
• Jim references Blaise Pascal:
  • “All of our problems... stem from the refusal or the inability to sit alone with yourself quietly in a room.” — Jim (15:24)
• The panel encourages journaling, creativity (painting, knitting, etc.), and seeing this in-between season as a creative opportunity
  • “What it does do is it connects our creative heart with our father's creative heart. And we just have to promise not to judge whatever comes out, but intentionally look for the beauty.” — Lysa (19:51)

3. Co-Parenting with Pain: Forgiveness and Boundaries

(How to parent well when co-parenting with someone who hurt you deeply)

• Listener Question: “How do you move forward sharing children with and trying to co-parent with the person who hurt you?”

Key Insights:

• Lysa underlines the advice: "Your kids deserve one healthy parent," suggesting it's vital to focus first on becoming whole oneself.
  • “Even before we talk about co-parenting... your kids do deserve one healthy parent.” — Lysa (21:16)
• Coping with hard situations—such as being made fun of at soccer games by an ex and their new partner—she encourages stoic courage:
  • “Prove them wrong. … Cheer your kids on, smile, laugh, make it all about the kids and a whole lot less about the people that are hurting you.” — Lysa (22:51)
• Dr. Joel offers theological insight into the pain of broken bonds:
  • “The Bible uses specific language about bonding... It’s the very same word that’s used of metallurgy with the breastplate for a soldier that protects ... your heart. What you are experiencing is the reality of that bonding that has been ripped apart.” — Dr. Joel (23:35)
• Jim counsels embracing reality (“Co” means “with”—but you can only control your part) and warns against “triangulation,” or involving kids in adult conflict.
  • “Start with being a single parent... God, help me, I will control the things I can... and then let the rest of it go.” — Jim (26:04)
• Lysa reminds to balance boundaries with a forgiving—not bitter—heart.

4. Finding the Courage to Move Forward into New Relationships

(Dating again, avoiding repeating old wounds, learning self-awareness)

• Listener Question: “What is your best advice for moving forward into new relationships, especially after betrayal, and not bringing old wounds into them?”

Key Insights:

• Lysa candidly shares her post-divorce stance: “I will never, ever get into a relationship where my well-being can be so impacted...” and how her daughter challenged her on using “never.”
  • “Don’t put your whole future in this box labeled never.” — Lysa (30:24)
• Both Lysa and Jim warn that unhealed pain will attract similar pain:
  • “We attract what we are. So you’ll go out and you’ll pick someone that feels normal and comfortable. And if you do it too soon, you’ll pick the same dysfunction you just got out of.” — Lysa (31:18)
  • “Even if you committed, ‘I’ll never do that again,’... you’ll do the same thing often.” — Jim (31:37)
• Dr. Joel shares a prayer from Oxford:
  • “...that the Lord would heal our wounds and deploy our scars. … Those scars are not a witness of God’s displeasure... Actually, they can be a winsome witness of the beauty God is about to bring.” — Dr. Joel (33:04)
• Lysa describes learning about herself through awkward dates and recommends seeing each experience as a chance for self-discovery.
  • “One of my number one goals is not to figure out what’s wrong with him, but instead to just listen, to just be present...” — Lysa (35:10)
• Jim closes with a call to deep self-knowledge:
  • “You want a healthy me before a healthy we… Get a PhD in yourself.” — Jim (36:19)

Notable Quotes and Moments (with Timestamps)

• “Mental health is a commitment to reality at all costs.”
  — Lysa (05:42)

• “The longer we get away from the intensity of the initial impact... the relief turned into a very strange longing to go back, because going back was going to something that was familiar and walking forward was walking towards something I didn’t know.”
  — Lysa (03:25)

• “Sometimes we have to go through things. Sometimes there is no shortcut, there is no route to bypass the traffic.”
  — Dr. Joel (12:23)

• “All of our problems... stem from the refusal or the inability to sit alone with yourself quietly in a room.”
  — Jim (15:24)

• “Healing is a process... what you are experiencing is the reality of that bonding that has been ripped apart.”
  — Dr. Joel (23:40)

• “Don't waste your pain. Don't waste your divorce. There is much to mine out of that for you during this time.”
  — Jim (36:22)

Timestamps for Major Sections

• Longing for the Past & Reality Check: 02:53–10:16
• Surviving the Waiting Season: 10:17–19:51
• Co-Parenting with Pain & Forgiveness: 20:28–27:47
• Moving on to New Relationships & Healing: 28:58–36:57

Tone and Style

Warm, authentic, and deeply empathetic, with a blend of therapeutic insight and biblical wisdom. Each contributor brings their own professional and personal experiences, creating a conversational and encouraging space for listeners navigating complex, emotionally charged situations.

This episode is a vital listen for anyone struggling with regret, loneliness, co-parenting challenges, or fear of repeating old relational wounds, especially in the aftermath of marital betrayal or an unwanted divorce.