Podcast Summary: Therapy and Theology – S7 E2 | What Do I Do With My Trust Issues?

Host: Lysa TerKeurst
Guests: Jim Kress (Licensed Professional Counselor) and Dr. Joel Mutamale (Director of Theological Research at Proverbs 31 Ministries)
Release Date: September 26, 2024

1. Introduction to Trust Issues

Lysa TerKeurst opens the episode by sharing an excerpt from her new book, I Want to Trust You, but I Don't. She poignantly expresses the internal conflict of desiring trust in relationships while grappling with fear and past betrayals:

Lysa TerKeurst [00:30]: "I want to trust you, but I don't. My heart says I love you, but my fear says it's not safe. And fear has the louder voice right now."

This sets the stage for a deep exploration of trust issues, both in human relationships and in one's relationship with God.

2. Understanding Trust from a Theological Perspective

Lysa and her guests delve into the theological underpinnings of trust. Joel highlights the complexities of trusting both God and humans:

Joel Mutamale [03:39]: "We can't attach the full hope that we have of safety and our future and even stability in our relationships to finding other humans who will never break our trust because the reality is all relationships carry with it a bit of risk because we're having relationships with humans."

Jim Kress adds a nuanced view on trust within biblical contexts, emphasizing the intentionality behind biblical language:

Jim Kress [04:09]: "Our Bibles were not written in English. The Old Testament is written in Hebrew and the New Testament was written in Koine Greek."

3. Biblical Insights on Trust

The discussion transitions into a biblical word study focused on the Hebrew word for trust, bata. Jim elucidates the positive connotation of trust when directed towards God versus its negative implications when placed in humans or material possessions:

Jim Kress [05:33]: "When the object of bata is God, that word is always painted in a positive picture... every time the object of bata is humankind or objects, even right things, possessions, money, anything like that, it is overwhelmingly cast into in a negative way."

Lysa reinforces the importance of anchoring one’s trust in God to maintain inner stability amidst relational upheavals:

Lysa TerKeurst [06:55]: "We have a foundation to know there is one who will never break trust with us, and that is God."

4. Trust in Human Relationships

The conversation shifts to practical aspects of trust in human relationships. Lysa discusses her personal struggles and the broader implications of broken trust:

Lysa TerKeurst [08:05]: "Some of the deepest betrayal I've ever felt is a misunderstanding of what God allows... I quietly started to quit on hope."

Jim connects these personal experiences to biblical narratives, particularly referencing Luke 24 to illustrate how misplaced hope can lead to broken trust:

Jim Kress [09:51]: "Whatever is the subject of our hope has to have substance. If we put our hope in a subject that does not have substance, we're left with hopelessness."

5. Personal Reflections and Confessions

Lysa shares a therapeutic exercise she conducted with Joel, using the "Trauma Egg" method to visualize and process past traumas. This exercise helps identify recurring shame scripts that affect her ability to trust:

Lysa TerKeurst [22:25]: "I kept reiterating this shame script that I filter so much through... Don't inconvenience other people. You are kind of a pain in the butt."

Joel emphasizes the impact of these internal narratives on trust issues, highlighting how minor betrayals can evoke significant emotional responses due to past traumas:

Joel Mutamale [19:02]: "A minor can feel very major to the person, validating a narrative of unhealed trauma."

6. Strategies for Building Trust

The trio explores strategies to address and rebuild trust. Joel advises identifying and removing conditional trust in God, ensuring that divine trust remains untainted by human limitations:

Joel Mutamale [13:14]: "Often when we say we trust in someone or we trust in something, that trust simultaneously comes with conditions."

Lysa underscores the distinction between wise and blind trust, advocating for a trust in God that is informed and discerning:

Lysa TerKeurst [14:56]: "Putting our trust in God is always wise trust. It's never blind trust... Trust placed in God is always wise trust."

Jim recommends practical steps for listeners to evaluate and adjust their trust in human relationships, ensuring that it aligns with their faith and personal boundaries.

7. Navigating Trust Issues in Relationships

Lysa provides a relatable scenario illustrating how broken trust can escalate into trust issues:

Lysa TerKeurst [25:14]: "If they don't do it, then I'm going to start having trust issues."

Joel offers a clinical perspective on such interactions, emphasizing the importance of understanding underlying motives and the long-term impact of repeated disappointments:

Joel Mutamale [26:28]: "Most people I encounter have not done their story work... They haven't sat down and explored the facts and the impact of their story."

The conversation highlights the need for empathy and communication in repairing trust, advocating for a curious rather than reactive approach when breaches occur.

8. Conclusion and Takeaways

As the episode concludes, Lysa summarizes the essence of managing trust issues by balancing safety and connection in relationships. She encourages listeners to engage in internal dialogue to address their own narratives and trust challenges:

Lysa TerKeurst [33:05]: "Addressing the internal narrative was a first big step on working on the trust issues... internal dialogue is going to really determine whether or not we can move forward."

Joel and Jim add final thoughts on the importance of aligning trust with divine principles and being mindful of conditional trust in human interactions.

Notable Quotes:

• Lysa TerKeurst [00:30]: "I want to trust you, but I don't. My heart says I love you, but my fear says it's not safe."
• Jim Kress [05:33]: "When the object of bata is God, that word is always painted in a positive picture."
• Joel Mutamale [19:02]: "A minor can feel very major to the person, validating a narrative of unhealed trauma."
• Lysa TerKeurst [14:56]: "Putting our trust in God is always wise trust. It's never blind trust."

Final Thoughts

This episode of Therapy and Theology offers a profound exploration of trust issues through both therapeutic and theological lenses. Listeners are guided to understand the roots of their trust challenges, differentiate between divine and human trust, and adopt strategies to foster healthier, more resilient relationships. By intertwining personal narratives with biblical insights, Lysa, Jim, and Joel provide a comprehensive framework for navigating the complexities of trust in our lives.

Additional Resources Mentioned:

• Lysa TerKeurst's Book: I Want to Trust You, but I Don't – Available at the Proverbs 31 Bookstore.
• Free Resource: When the Person Who Hurt You Got Away With It – Download via show notes.
• Mental Health Coach Training Program: Offered by the American Association of Christian Counselors. Visit mentalhealthcoach.org for more information.

Therapy and Theology is brought to you by Proverbs 31 Ministries, where the belief is that knowing and living the truth changes everything.