Therapy and Theology Podcast Summary Episode: S9 E4 | Red Flags That May Be Sneaking Into Your Parenting
Release Date: July 31, 2025
Hosts/Guests: Lysa TerKeurst, Jim Kress, Bethany Hall, Meredith Brock

Introduction

In this compelling episode of Therapy and Theology, host Shay Hill, alongside resident therapist Jim Kress and special guests Bethany Hall and Meredith Brock, delves into the subtle red flags that can creep into parenting. The discussion centers on recognizing unhealthy patterns within ourselves and our children, offering insights and practical strategies to foster healthier family dynamics.

Guest Introductions [02:44]

Shay Hill welcomes Meredith Brock, CEO of Proverbs 31 Ministries, and Bethany Hall, Director of Training and Content at Chosen. Bethany brings a wealth of experience as a licensed family nurse practitioner specializing in complex developmental trauma and pediatric emergency medicine. Together, they set the stage for an in-depth conversation about identifying and addressing red flags in parenting.

Personal Red Flags in Parenting [04:32 - 07:04]

The conversation begins with an exploration of how unresolved personal trauma and emotional wounds can influence parenting practices.

• Jim Kress emphasizes the importance of healing past traumas:

  "If you don't go back and heal that relational trauma, oftentimes that's your emotional maturity that you carry into your future relationships." ([07:04])

• Bethany Hall discusses the complexities of relationships affecting parenting:

  "What we don't work out will act out... it's about the person I'm talking with right now until it's not about that person. It's about some other characters who just happen to be in the room." ([04:53])

Recognizing and Managing Personal Triggers [11:45 - 38:36]

Identifying Triggers

Bethany and Jim share personal experiences highlighting how specific triggers can lead to disproportionate reactions in parenting.

• Bethany Hall reflects on her unhealed anxious attachment and its impact:

  "I have six grandkids now and this isn't the salient point of the day... I wish this Jimbo could go back in time to that younger Jim and just say, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm here to help you." ([16:09])

• Jim Kress discusses his triggers related to being ignored, stemming from his own childhood neglect:

  "Why does my heart rate go sky high when they don't listen?... it's because of the neglect and being ignored as a child." ([18:10])

Excessive Control as a Red Flag [21:18 - 36:42]

The discussion shifts to the tendency of parents to exert excessive control due to fear or unresolved personal issues.

• Bethany Hall advises distinguishing between control driven by fear versus necessity:

  "What is coming because I am afraid or this is touching on something about me or my past versus what is the level of control that I need to have with this child to help them be successful." ([24:43])

• Jim Kress shares practical strategies for managing control impulses:

  "I need to walk away for a few minutes. I need a few minutes to go in the other room and to just have a minute." ([29:13])

Recognizing Red Flags in Children [39:40 - 50:36]

Unusual Behavior and Emotional Responses

Bethany outlines indicators such as unusual behavior patterns and excessive emotional responses in children, emphasizing the importance of frequency and intensity.

• Bethany Hall explains:

  "If it's happening more frequently or much more intense than a neurotypical child, then we start to want to ask questions and perhaps get a professional involved." ([39:40])

Fear or Shame-Based Behaviors

Understanding behaviors rooted in fear or shame can transform how parents respond to their children’s actions.

• Jim Kress adds:

  "When your child is in their amygdala, it's going to help us engage in a very different way." ([46:48])

• Bethany Hall elaborates on recognizing fight, flight, and freeze responses:

  "If we can say, hey, we're on the same team, we love each other and we're going to get through this, it’s going to create ripple effects into all the other conversations." ([35:51])

Practical Tips and Conclusion [47:45 - End]

The episode concludes with actionable advice for parents to recognize and address red flags in themselves and their children.

• Bethany Hall recommends:

  "Write down your triggers... Know that in your brain... Take a break. Drink 4 ounces of water, can lower anxiety, put ice in your hands." ([47:45])

• Jim Kress encourages self-regulation and modeling calm behavior:

  "Permission granted to say, you know what, watch this iPad for a minute. I need to separate myself so that I can calm down." ([49:09])

• Bethany Hall connects the discussion to biblical principles:

  "Scripture says that out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, and that we are changed by the renewing of our mind." ([49:09])

Jim Kress wraps up with words of encouragement for parents:

"Hang in there. You're doing holy work by raising those kiddos. You don't have to be perfect. That is what the gospel is for. It's for us imperfect, incapable lovers of Jesus." ([50:36])

Key Takeaways

1. Self-Awareness is Crucial: Recognizing personal triggers and unresolved traumas can prevent them from negatively impacting parenting.

2. Balance Control and Nurture: Strive for "connected parenting" by balancing necessary control with emotional connection to foster a supportive environment.

3. Understand Child Behavior: Differentiate between typical and atypical behaviors in children by monitoring the frequency and intensity of their emotional responses.

4. Practical Self-Regulation Techniques: Implement strategies such as taking breaks, writing down triggers, and seeking support to manage emotional responses effectively.

5. Biblical Integration: Incorporate biblical principles to guide emotional regulation and relational healing within the family dynamic.

Conclusion

This episode of Therapy and Theology offers profound insights into the subtle red flags that can undermine effective parenting. By fostering self-awareness, balancing control with connection, and understanding the root causes of children's behaviors, parents can cultivate healthier, more resilient family relationships. The practical tips and heartfelt encouragement provided by Shay Hill, Jim Kress, and Bethany Hall serve as valuable tools for any parent striving to navigate the complexities of raising children in a trauma-informed and theologically grounded manner.